By
mwp
My wife and I have been swingers for a while now. We've talked at various different times about the idea of her playing solo. I'm not interested in playing solo (and my opportunities would probably be limited anyway) so the discussions have focused on her desire to play solo. I've never pressured her on the idea, just held her hand as we walked the thought path together. For me, I'm happy for her to play solo given a few constraints; mainly that it is something she wants very much, and there's no emotional non-monogamy going on.
We recently were swinging with a single male "Dave" (us together, not solo). After a very enjoyable session with him, my wife has been very horny (almost insatiable!). She is extremely eager to have sex with him again. I'm not a jealous type, and this doesn't bother me in the slightest. She's been very emphatic in telling me she wants me more, and I've no questions about that. Our communication has been completely open and honest, as it always has been. I have zero doubts about our relationship or swinging within the context of our relationship.
Before Dave, my wife had been somewhat opposed to playing solo, saying she wants me there in part for safety, in part for mutual enjoyment, and in part because she has said she'd feel like she was cheating if I wasn't there. With Dave, there's not really a question of safety. We trust him. For mutual enjoyment, it's erotic to me for me wife to go play solo (though I admit I'd prefer to be there, but I don't object because I'm not there; I know she'd come home ridiculously horny and insatiable again). We've also spent a lot of time over many months talking about her feelings that she would feel like she's cheating. She's previously understood that logically it's not cheating, but her emotions have been telling her otherwise. She's been slowly softening on that and doesn't feel very strongly that way anymore. As she has said, "I wouldn't be doing anything I haven't already done, and I'd have your permission".
An opportunity will probably shortly arise where my wife can go play solo with Dave. I would not be there, so this isn't a separate room play sort of thing. It's just him and her. I usually do all the arrangements for swinging, and at my asking (not pressuring) she's given me carte blanche to set up a solo play date for her with Dave if she does not have anything else planned. She's very turned on by the idea and is really looking forward to it.
So a few questions, especially directed at those whose spouses have played solo (but all comments welcome!):
(1) I've got some first time jitters. It's not jealousy. I understand the difference. But, I've got the jitters. I don't read the jitters as a red flag. More, it's a bit of nervousness with the unknown approaching. Any thoughts on this? Did you experience this? What were your feelings and how did this all factor in?
(2) We've talked about her calling me while she's having sex with him. We've joked that this is quite a different form of phone sex! She's ok with that, but I don't want to distract her from the task at hand. But, is this really a no-no with respect to Dave? For the men who've done this, how would you feel if the woman you were having sex with wanted to get on the phone with her husband (whom you had met, and of course you know has given permission)?
(3) Is there anything that perhaps we haven't discussed or thought of that we need to consider in a solo play date? We're very clear on rules (not many). I trust her implicitly to terminate things if they head the wrong direction emotionally. She trusts me to communicate my thoughts and feelings to her (and I have) and vice versa (and she has).
Any and all thoughts on this are quite welcome!
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