Want Advice from Bi-Sexual Woman

[NCfuncouple98 367]

3 months ago my profile was "straight". But after visiting the clubs, reading stories together, and watching some videos, I have now changed it to bi-curious, because I really am.

 

Tonight we are meeting another couple at the club, and she is bi-sexual. They are soft-swap only, which is fine, we haven't even done that yet anyway! So IF the chemistry is there and anything happens, we're all for starting out this way.

 

So has anyone that started out bi-curious have any advice for a first-timer? I am not just "curious" to feel what it's like or anything, I really do want it. I'm not worried about not liking it, or it turning me off.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I don't even remember being bi-curious... but I will say that as a bi-sexual, when I see that a woman is bi-curious it puts me off a bit and I will stay back and wait for her to make the moves. Too often that term is used for women who are only doing it to make their man happy or who aren't sure what they want but they think they might be ok, or "I kissed a girl and I liked it".

 

If you want it, go for it! And once you do, if you like it and you want to to do it again then go home and change your profile from curious to sexual.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

Thanks Julie. I was afraid of that - the bi-curious might scare her off. We'll see what happens with meeting them, but if we do and I'm attracted, I'll go for it!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Thanks Julie. I was afraid of that - the bi-curious might scare her off. We'll see what happens with meeting them, but if we do and I'm attracted, I'll go for it!

 

 

It may not. I am not a very aggressively bi woman, as many are. Unless I know you are into me and ok with it I'm not going to push anything. I will flirt with you - I flirt with pretty much everyone anyway - but actually proceeding to do more than that without you being the one to instigate it isn't going to happen until I know you are 100% bi AND into me (which most often won't happen till after we've played - with a few exceptions).

 

I've found that overall of the actively BI women in the lifestyle that I seem to be a minority to those who are very aggressive towards anyone who even says they are bi close enough for them to hear.

[Eugwetcat 15]

I've always been OK with being bi after my husband and I discussed it. I don't know if I"ve been bi-curious since I was 14. Much of the time since then, I simply didn't have a male partner that I was willing to be open about it with, so I banked those fires!

[Guest screaminggood]

We started with my bi-curiosity, and now we know that I am definitely bi! It never seemed to turn any women off that I was bi-curious, and my first lady just took the lead...and well, thank you ma'am! I think what a bi-woman is looking for is receptivity, not experience. If she's coming on to you and you're into her--that'll work!

 

BTW, a lot of people on this site disagree, but for us, the husband watching but not participating was one heck of a hot learning experience for him. He learned so much by watching two women, and of course, reaped tremendous rewards when we were alone later.

[Tia Vampire 167]

NCfuncouple,

Are you saying yall are fine starting that way in the life-style or starting out the night that way when you guys meet with this couple? I'm asking because you said, "they are a soft swap couple", if it is something you guys are hoping to start the night with and you end up not liking it, what then? Hopefully everything goes well and you end up enjoying the experience.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

We had only briefly chatted, and were going to have a drink at the club together. When they arrived, they brought a single male with them, and she spent most of the time with him, so we danced/flirted elsewhere. Not sure what that was all about, but we really didn't care. One thing we have learned is to go to the club with NO expectations - that way there's no disappointment.

 

When I meant "starting in the life'style" was the fact they were soft-swap only, so seemed a natural progression. Honestly, if we met a couple and the chemistry and attraction is right, we're ok with full-swap too.

 

I'll admit I was slightly nervous about it at first, but honestly, did go to the club will full intention of exploring my "bi-curiousity" - so hopefully I can explore that soon!!!

[iapr 24]

We had only briefly chatted, and were going to have a drink at the club together. When they arrived, they brought a single male with them, and she spent most of the time with him, so we danced/flirted elsewhere. Not sure what that was all about, but we really didn't care. One thing we have learned is to go to the club with NO expectations - that way there's no disappointment.

 

When I meant "starting in the life'style" was the fact they were soft-swap only, so seemed a natural progression. Honestly, if we met a couple and the chemistry and attraction is right, we're ok with full-swap too.

 

I'll admit I was slightly nervous about it at first, but honestly, did go to the club will full intention of exploring my "bi-curiousity" - so hopefully I can explore that soon!!!

 

I am the male half here so I cannot give you any first hand advice but my wife has wrestled with the whole fem/fem thing for years. Currently she has come to the conclusion that she is "sexual." That sexuality manifests it'self in who she is attracted to and who she has a chemistry with at that particular moment.

 

She freaks out over the label of bisexual and refuses to be labeled as such and will run for the hills if some gal she's not into approaches her but she has also been the aggressor with women who consider themselves fully bi.

 

Labels are worthless when it comes to female sexual preferences. There are women that call themselves bi but are actually more like married lesbians who want nothing to do with men and are more comfortable with women and can become pretty controlling and encroaching to other women. There are women that "kissed a girl and liked it" so they call themselves bi even though they don't really have any other interest in women.

 

Bi-curious is a completely worthless label as has no true meaning. A 100% straight gal can call herself bi-cur if she is ok dirty dancing and feeling up women on the dance floor and there are 100% truly bi chicks that call themselves bi-cur because they don't have sex with every woman that comes along.

 

IMHO the majority of women that call themselves bisexual in the lifestyle are open to the idea of playing with women and enjoy it when they do, but if they are engaged by a male they find attractive they don't give other women the time of day. that may have been what was happening with the woman you were refering to.

 

Bottom line is it is all about attraction, chemistry and comfort in who you interact with and that is regardless of whether it is male or female. What matters is what the level of attraction is and not what labels give themselves or others. You are correct to go with an open mind and not with any specific expectations. If go to the clubs with an open mind and are pleasant and interactive you will find people you are attracted to and have a chemistry with. some will be males and some will be females. Most important thing is to go and meet people and interact and have fun. What is meant to be will be and what isn't won't.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

Bi-curious is a completely worthless label as has no true meaning....and there are 100% truly bi chicks that call themselves bi-cur because they don't have sex with every woman that comes along.

I don't see it this way at all.

 

Bi-curious was how I listed myself - the "label" I used, if you want to call it that - on our ad profile and it meant just what it said, I was curious about what it would be like to sexually interact with another woman, to include kissing, sucking tits, oral giving and receiving, strap-on play, even a try at fisting another woman which I always had a curiosity about. I did it all. Until I had the opportunity to do these things, get some experience with other women, I didn't feel I could list myself as bisexual on our profile.

 

For me bi-curious was exactly what expressed where I was at the time.

 

I've not heard of any "truly bi chicks" that use the bi-curious label as a way to get out of having sex with every woman that comes along. What I have heard them say is they have no trouble say no thanks to women they aren't interested in playing with, just as they do to the men they aren't interested in.

 

LM

[iapr 24]

I don't see it this way at all.

 

Bi-curious was how I listed myself - the "label" I used, if you want to call it that - on our ad profile and it meant just what it said, I was curious about what it would be like to sexually interact with another woman, to include kissing, sucking tits, oral giving and receiving, strap-on play, even a try at fisting another woman which I always had a curiosity about. I did it all. Until I had the opportunity to do these things, get some experience with other women, I didn't feel I could list myself as bisexual on our profile.

 

For me bi-curious was exactly what expressed where I was at the time.

 

I've not heard of any "truly bi chicks" that use the bi-curious label as a way to get out of having sex with every woman that comes along. What I have heard them say is they have no trouble say no thanks to women they aren't interested in playing with, just as they do to the men they aren't interested in.

 

LM

 

Good points but bi-cur is still so open to individual interpretation that it has no real meaning in and of itself. A lot of women are curious about the touch of another woman so the question will need to be asked, at what point do you "KNOW?"

 

I was and am curious about all those things myself (except for the fisting and strap-on:lol:) as well as curiosity about a million other things but I never listed myself as straight-curious.

 

My point is that bi-cur is so open ended and so all-encompassing that it has no real value. People use it to avoid being pidgeon holed into a strictly straight box or into a completely bi box and the spectrum between 100% straight and 100% bi is huge.

 

BTW even though I spout off about bi-cur having no real value, that is what my fem half is listed as on our profile and she probably will be forever (which brings up another thread topic, "How Many Years Can a Woman Be Listed As Bi-Cur Before She Has To Make Up Her Mind?)

 

Bi-cur is so open to interpretation that it in and of itself is not descriptive. One would have to ask the individual what it means to them. If you ask 100 bi-cur women what bi-cur means to them you will probably get about 100 different answers.

 

And as far as people using bi-cur as a disclaimer so bisexual activity is not assumed I have met a number of them. I don't exactly agree with that and I agree that they should be able to decline an advance with grace and dignity but it does occur.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

BTW even though I spout off about bi-cur having no real value, that is what my fem half is listed as on our profile and she probably will be forever (which brings up another thread topic, "How Many Years Can a Woman Be Listed As Bi-Cur Before She Has To Make Up Her Mind?

Till the end of time my friend. We don't have to understand everything.

 

It makes them mysterious, and... I like that

[crazinred 36]

Red is listed as Bi curious and really is curious. She is unsure of how to make the first move so is hoping to find a lady will make the first move. We where with a couple last week that the female was bi but doesn't initiate contact first so nothing more then titty sucking occurred. Hopefully we will find a Couple or Lady to help her take the step into bi sexuality.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

I have a best friend, now married, who lives far, far away that has played bi-sexually before, and this summer when she visited, in front of a crowd, there was some titty action as well, and even a kiss. Now she and I have chemistry! Too bad she lives so far... I'll see her in March, but by then she'll be 8 months pregnant!

 

I have gotten emails from 3 couples now with the female listed as bi-sexual.

 

The first ones - we said hello at the club, but there really wasn't any chemistry between the 4 of us.

 

The second ones - We've chatted online, but we're really not that interested. She got a little too pushy for our tastes.

 

Last night, received another email, they live only about 10 miles from us, so we may meet for drinks one night next week.

 

I, like Red, not only have the fantasy, but am ready to take that next step, but there has to be chemistry between me and her, otherwise it would probably won't go very well. So I'll patiently wait for the right woman & opportunity, and we'll see what happens!

[arvcpl 16]

I'll address this from a little different perspective. I'll assume that you live your life pretty much as a normal heterosexual female correct?

 

Ok so since you are essentially heterosexual and have and enjoy sexual relations with men, does that automatically mean that you will engage in the full range of sexual activities of every man that also happens to be heterosexual?

 

My guess is your answer to that question is a resounding "ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

 

Well the issue with fem bisexuality really isn't any different. Just because you are bi-cur doesn't mean that you are going to hit it off with every bi or bi-cur woman that comes along nor does it mean that just because some gal is bi that it automatically means that she will have an attraction to you.

 

Just as you don't do everything with every guy that comes along nor should you expect that you will do everything with every woman that comes along or should you think that just because a gal is bi that she will do everything or even anything with you.

 

Heck there are even completely straight guys that don't like to kiss women or go down on women or dirty dance with women etc etc all the rules regarding attraction and chemistry and such apply to bisexual women as they do to heterosexual men and women.

[exploringRM 305]

My wife is currently listed as bi-curious. About a month ago, before we started swinging she would have listed herself as straight. In Vegas last month, we had a couples dance by a female stripper and the stripper was very interested in her..she kissed my wife and also licked my wife's nipple (she had no bra one so easy access). My wife really enjoyed that. But due to lack of experience and wondering if she was really interested we listed her as bi-curious. Last weekend we played with a couple where the other woman is bisexual. They had a great time together, kissing, masterbating each other. The other woman also went down on my wife, but my wife is still not sure (yet) about going down on another woman. So I'm not sure what to list her as now....lol. We have plans to see that couple again, so perhaps the wife will stretch her bi-ness a bit more. I had a great time watching but never pushed my wife in that direction, leaving it up to her to decide her comfort zone. The girls played first while the guys watched, carressed and played with the girls as well (kissing/oral sex). When the girls were finished with each other, I said, you know, if the play ended right here, I would not go away unhappy. If was a very erotic experience watching those two together. But would I call my wife bi-sexual after that. I don't know but the fact that she's excited about meeting the couple again, perhaps yes. But she is perfectly content when there is just MF play.

[AprilMike 16]

For us the red flag isn't the "bi-curious" it is the stuff on your SLS profile that says that it's "all for him". That statement is one we have found to be trouble just waiting to happen.

[Guest screaminggood]

Exploring---why not list your wife as "bi-experimenting" or "bi-exploring?"

[The Fuse 1,012]

3 months ago my profile was "straight". But after visiting the clubs, reading stories together, and watching some videos, I have now changed it to bi-curious, because I really am.

 

Tonight we are meeting another couple at the club, and she is bi-sexual. They are soft-swap only, which is fine, we haven't even done that yet anyway! So IF the chemistry is there and anything happens, we're all for starting out this way.

 

So has anyone that started out bi-curious have any advice for a first-timer? I am not just "curious" to feel what it's like or anything, I really do want it. I'm not worried about not liking it, or it turning me off.

 

I'm one of those women who are listed as "bi-curious". I've been listed that way for almost two years, and have been with enough women to know and understand the extent of my attraction for women. I stick with the label because SLS doesn't have a better one.

 

Enough said about that for now... now I want to respond to NCfuncouple98's request for advice.

 

NCfuncouple98, I suggest that you follow some of the same common-sense rules you would for a heterosexual play experience, like for instance if something feels right, do it. If it feels strange but exciting and something you're curious about, do it. If it feels wrong or icky or too uncomfortable, don't do it. Trust your feelings. (Use The Force...okay, sorry ) There is a difference in the discomfort you'll feel stretching your comfort zone for an experience you want, versus one you don't want.

 

I would also suggest you be very conscious of whether you are feeling pressure from anyone to be or act bi-sexual. People may pressure you implicitly even when they don't mean to, by simply getting excited. You may feel you would disappoint them by not following through. This pressure can happen without anyone saying a word, and without anyone even "making a move". There's a mushy area between encouragement and pressure, and even people with the best intentions have problems. If you feel pressure, meaning you feel uncomfortable enough to want to pull back, I suggest you think twice about doing anything, even passively.

 

Another suggestion... think in advance about how many people you want around when you first do anything (or everything!) with another woman. If you are really curious, you'll still be curious and have the desire even if only you and your new female lover are there. Your husbands may be straining at the bit to watch, but maybe you want them to and maybe you don't. This is something I wish I had done differently. I'm not saying to never let them watch. I'm saying that while you're still unsure, having your husbands and maybe a crowd of people ogling you as entertainment may not enhance your experience. Whatever you decide you want, you should let them know before things start happening.

 

I hope this helps.

 

I do wish that SLS would add some more labels. I am not "curious" anymore, but the truth is that while I am somewhat attracted to women, I am so much more attracted to men that calling myself bisexual seems misleading to people who have closer to an equal attraction to men and women. I don't quite agree with the argument in some earlier postings that "since you're not attracted to all men either, it is the same thing". Of course it is true that I am not attracted to all men. But by and large, when I am attracted to a man, my motivation and desire eclipse my desire for a woman I'm attracted to. I'm somewhere in the "low to mid-2" area on the Kinsey scale, where 0 is completely hetero and 6 is completely homosexual. I use the "curious" label, but explain it in our profile as best I can.

 

Edit: I just read your SLS profile. My new advice to you is: you should want to have sex for you, not for him. I would not be willing to have sex with anyone who was doing it for their spouse. Big turn-off. Still, if you are honestly curious, I wish you the best of luck and hope you enjoy yourself. Personally, exploring sex with women has been a wonderful thing in my life.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

Edit: I just read your SLS profile. My new advice to you is: you should want to have sex for you, not for him. I would not be willing to have sex with anyone who was doing it for their spouse. Big turn-off. Still, if you are honestly curious, I wish you the best of luck and hope you enjoy yourself. Personally, exploring sex with women has been a wonderful thing in my life.

 

Thank you for the honest advice. I didn't realize the SLS profile sounded the way it did. What I meant to say is that he has fantasies of having MFF 3some, but those are his fantasies - there is no pressure from my wonderful husband whatsoever for me to do anything I don't want to do for myself. So I need to think about how to re-word it. His fantasies are his, mine are mine, and if they happen to intertwine, that's great, but not necessary! He would never expect me to do anything just for his pleasure. Entering this lifestyle is for both of us to enjoy ourselves and each other.

 

I guess what I meant to say is that just because I'm not listed as bi-sexual, I didn't want ladies to read it and not show interest because of me.

[exploringRM 305]

Exploring---why not list your wife as "bi-experimenting" or "bi-exploring?"

 

The sites we belong too limit the classification as straing, bi-curious and bi-sexual. Our profile does go into a little detail on the bi aspect, what she is comfortable with so we are up front about it and evolving that detail as we experience more.

[Guest screaminggood]

I understand. Put bi-curious or bi-sexual....if the other couple is interested in it, they'll read the rest of your profile.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

Edit: I just read your SLS profile. My new advice to you is: you should want to have sex for you, not for him. I would not be willing to have sex with anyone who was doing it for their spouse. Big turn-off. Still, if you are honestly curious, I wish you the best of luck and hope you enjoy yourself. Personally, exploring sex with women has been a wonderful thing in my life.

 

Ok, I've updated SLS - does it make more sense now?

[The Fuse 1,012]

Edit: I just read your SLS profile. My new advice to you is: you should want to have sex for you, not for him. I would not be willing to have sex with anyone who was doing it for their spouse. Big turn-off. Still, if you are honestly curious, I wish you the best of luck and hope you enjoy yourself. Personally, exploring sex with women has been a wonderful thing in my life.

 

Ok, I've updated SLS - does it make more sense now?

Yes, I think that sounds really good now. Doesn't say too much but makes it clear you are new and ready to explore. And it doesn't smack of "I'm only doing this to make my husband happy". That's not a bad reason, don't get me wrong, as long as you want to do it for yourself as well. The rest of the story can wait until you are actually talking to potential "partners in exploration". Good luck!