Does age have any bearing on condom use?

[AdamInEve 28]

OK, we know the condom threads have been done to death but now being a year into our swinging career we seem to have found, contrary to what we have read in these threads, that the vast majority of couples we have had dealings with, whether we have played with or just discussed our rules with, do not use condoms regardless of what they may say in their profiles. None has every refused to wear them but they have always made it a point to let us know they would rather not.

 

If it were just one or two couples we met that didn't use them we could understand but we have been to clubs, house parties and conventions and without fail rarely has anyone ever broke out the condoms. Actually as we reflect deeper we should say, never has anyone broke out the condoms. When we discussed entering the lifestyle we just assumed that condom usage would be there norm but quickly found out different. There is no way that we are just by chance picking people that don't use them.

 

It got us thinking that maybe it is just couples in our age range, (upper 40's) that feel they aren't necessary. Maybe the older people get, the safer they feel. All the threads we have read here have shown the majority of people on this board use them but since we don't normally play with younger couples we thought we would create a poll to break it down by age groups. We really have no other answers for this anomaly.

 

We would like to hear other people's thoughts or experiences on this issue.

[athenagirl 36]

Well, having never been to a club or house party, all I can comment on is my own experience as a single woman in her 50's. I find that people in "my" age group (about 45-60 and over) tend not to use condoms. I think maybe it's because we grew up in a time when sex couldn't kill you! On the other hand, I have a sometime lover who is 35 (yes, you read that right!) and he always uses condoms. (At least with me). And from what I can tell from my other friends in that age bracket, most of them use condoms at least part of the time.

 

So I think it's in some part related to one's upbringing regarding why condoms are necessary.

[eatnlickme 15]

Yes

 

We have found it ends up depending on the comfort level of all the persons in the room.

 

We have policy of condoms all the time with everyone when swinging....

 

That said with a select few that we have gotten to know and are all comfortable with we have gone bareback.

[socolais 696]

Both my wife and I prefer without condoms but will easily follow our playmate's comfort factor. Frequent position and activity changes are much easier and more fun without condoms.

[LFM2 1,482]

Our condom requirements are non-negotiable. They are to be worn with every intercourse situation, no matter who you are.

 

We've also noticed that people in our age bracket don't like to use condoms. (we're 41 and over)

 

What did Sue Johanson say? No glove, no love. Don't be a fool, wrap your tool. etc... That's us.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We alway use condoms. Why wouldn't you use a condom at any age?

[JTcamp05 9]

athenagirl said:

I think maybe it's because we grew up in a time when sex couldn't kill you!

 

Yes.....Missed out on those days! Just not fair! We use them for many reasons, just the responsible thing to do.

[red96 17]

We always require our playmate to wear a condom for intercourse , it is a strict rule with us that we adhere to. I have actually stopped the action and made our partner put one on before continuing. Even though they knew upfront we required condom use, in the heat of passion (I hope) they tried to go without.

 

We always bring our own too in case our playmate forgets.

[slevin 1,374]

We voted that we always use condoms, but I think I should clarify. When Katrina and I have sex we don't use a condom, but with anyone else we always use a condom. It's not negotiable for us at all. Though we don't 'like' using a condom, with anyone else we require it due to concern over the risk of pregnancy. The STD issue is a smaller issue since most STDs that you're likely to contract either aren't protected against with a condom, or can be cleared up with some antibiotics.

 

We always bring our own condoms as well, that way we are never worried about if condoms are around.

[bitNtim 84]

We voted that we would rather not use condoms but do on occasion. The occasion when we are with people who are not in committed relationships and who we do not know as friends. We are late 50's and started swinging before we were 30. In our experience, many husbands and wives who profess conditionally to demand condom use will break the rule when they are in separate room situations. We often compare notes on this after a party. Your poll seems to be accurate so far in finding that younger couples will and must use condoms regularly. If I see someone familiar having unprotected sex with their spouse I feel very safe having unprotected sex with them. If they are unfamiliar then I will certainly ask about condom use and never debate the issue if they require them. Anyway, since 1983 we have never had a problem.

[Chucat 31]

Our rule is to wrap the tool! The STD part of this is a NO-BRAINER...maybe it's something you can work around after you've gotten to know your partner(s) better...but it's still better to err on the side of caution. We may be a little unique in that, because I'm v-safe, she's been able to stop taking the pill and while there are many good reasons to take the pill, they're just not the answer for everybody. Long story short...we have blissful unprotected sex at home as it should be, but outside of our marriage pregnency is also a possibility!

 

The question we've heard before is "If you don't require condoms for oral sex then why do you require them for penetration?" We've never really heard a good argument for that question...much less having been able to provide a good argument to that ourselves.

[good times 991]

Well, your observations match ours. We too have been to clubs and swinger parties all over the country, and I would have to agree that most people prefer not to use condoms.

 

Some prefer not to use them simply because they don't like them. Others, like myself have researched the effectiveness of condoms at preventing std's and came to the conclusion that, for the std's that we are most likely to encounter in swinging, they are pretty much useless.

 

That being said most folks are like us, if we want to play with someone who require condoms, we use them. We have only run across a few couples that refuse to play if condoms are required.

[Clarmane 15]

Seeing that my wife gets an allergic reaction from latex. We expect a full std screen test result (taken in the week we want to play) from our playmate.

[spamcatcher 36]

We're in that "older" category of 50+, started swinging just last year, and prefer bareback.

 

We married early, I'd never had anyone except my wife, and only had used a condom a couple of times, just to see what it felt like. Oddly, perhaps, I have more trouble with ejaculation control wearing a condom, because it's such an unusual feeling for me.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

My experiences over the years are pretty much as others have mentioned. I would say I've seen them used more often than not in swinging encounters (both those I've been involved in and not) but I've rarely ever seen anyone outright refuse to play without one.

 

Years ago, I did once end up in the middle of a serious argument between a husband and wife because he was doing me without one. It was at a house party and she came in while he was going at me and went off. I had no idea it was their rule and he never mentioned it either, but I still felt at fault for some reason. Enough so that it took me several months to feel comfortable going back to their parties.

[Chucat 31]

Well of course there are going to be skeptics out there who will never trust anything the government tells them, but according to the Center For Disease Control (CDC):

 

Male Latex Condoms and Sexually Transmitted Diseases

 

latex condoms are effective at curbing sexually transmitted diseases (including HIV)...however nothing, short of complete abstinance from sexual intercourse, is 100% effective against STD transmission. I would think that being a swing type of person, one would almost be compelled to wear a condom (or ask there partner to wear one) as a safety precaution (and they're really not that bad) or to get tested for STDs and certified after each encounter.

 

Perhaps, maybe to go one step further:

 

Condom - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

This is an article assembled by our peers, that would in similar fashion represent what the CDC has to offer. This little bit of research took all of 5 minutes to find and "might not" replace all of the years of knowledge and experience that some of our peers in the swing lifestyle have to offer, but at least it's better than going along in blind denial. I also think that even presented with "the facts" some folks are still going to ride 'em bareback. A personal choice that will withstand any discussion on this topic.

[graygo98 148]

The age issue is an interesting one. As a more or less wild-ass generalization, it seems to be part of an ever-increasing (and often illusory) obsession with total safety. (I live in Ontario. We ban something about every couple of weeks.) People that were born back when you could actually open a bottle of aspirin don't always buy into this, or at least can be a bit more skeptical.

 

They can also remember those glorious years between the invention of the pill and the wear-a-helmet-to-ride-a-tricycle era. Lots of "no glove" love and everyone walked away. What's changed? Obviously AIDS, but.... is this a real risk if you don't do unprotected anal sex or share needles? In North America the data would seem to say, "No, not really", IMHO.

 

All to say, I'm with Good Times on this.

[Tracey2 103]

I actually made a mistake when answering the poll...sorry. I answered always condoms for 21-30 and really we're always condoms for 31-40.

 

We are quite new, but condoms during intercourse is an important rule for us. We wouldn't use them for oral and in fact probably wouldn't know how to react if a couple we were with requested it.

 

We've only been with a couple of couples and maybe we would consider not using them in the future with a couple that we felt very, very comfortable with.

[good times 991]

Well of course there are going to be skeptics out there who will never trust anything the government tells them, but according to the Center For Disease Control (CDC):

 

Male Latex Condoms and Sexually Transmitted Diseases

I don't think it is so much that we don't trust what the CDC says, I think it is more the fact that a lot of folks realize that the CDC always makes the currently politically correct recommendations, whether they are based on legitimate research or not, usually not.

 

latex condoms are effective at curbing sexually transmitted diseases (including HIV)...however nothing, short of complete abstinance from sexual intercourse, is 100% effective against STD transmission

Effectiveness varies though, depending on what you are trying to prevent. For the types of std's we are likely to encounter in swinging, especially if you limit it to the incurable ones, condoms effectiveness at preventing their transmission is so low as to be immeasurable according to the majority of legitimate studies.

 

Perhaps, maybe to go one step further:

 

Condom - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

This is an article assembled by our peers, that would in similar fashion represent what the CDC has to offer. This little bit of research took all of 5 minutes to find and "might not" replace all of the years of knowledge and experience that some of our peers in the swing lifestyle have to offer, but at least it's better than going along in blind denial.

Is it really better? When you read this article, did you follow up by reading the studies referenced? If you had you would find that it is an article following politically correct lines, influenced heavily by people and organizations with an agenda.

 

For example, to support the claim that condoms help prevent the transmission of HPV in women, they referenced a study that consisted of following 82 female college students for eight months. Not a rigorous study by most experts opinions. In the referenced studies defense, in their report the researchers did reference six of the many studies that have proven conclusively that condoms were totally ineffective at preventing the transmission of HPV. Funny that all of these condom advocates will single out as a reference the only study to show condoms as effective at preventing the spread of HPV. Same story with herpes, the vast majority of legitimate studies have shown that condoms are ineffective or useless at preventing the spread of the virus.

 

This is important because HPV and HSV are by far the most likely std's a swinger might encounter, closely followed by some of the easily cured genital infections. funny thing about those infections, some of them are actually aggravated by condom use.

 

I also think that even presented with "the facts" some folks are still going to ride 'em bareback. A personal choice that will withstand any discussion on this topic.

I agree, but as I think I have at least tried to show, "the facts" aren't always as factual as you would think.

 

As I have said many times before here, the fact that so many folks who insist on condoms are doing so in the mistaken belief that they are protecting themselves far more than they actually are, scares me much more than folks who choose not to use them for any reason. At least most folks who choose not to use condoms realize they are taking a risk, unlike those who I have met that think that as soon as they slap that condom on they are protected. The "fact" is, legitimate research just does not support that assumption or belief.

 

The bottom line is, if you feel that a 1-5% reduction in risk (the maximum percentage usually given by the few legitimate researchers willing to make an estimate) makes condoms worthwhile, then by all means use them. On the other hand, if you are expecting much more effectiveness out of using condoms than that, you are taking risks based on a false sense of security.

[tribbles 490]

Anyone who doesn't know it's a risk with or without a condom needs to read more.....

 

I suspect that for some, as we age, we see others our age, with other diseases that they didn't even get to have any fun in getting....

 

For me, it makes std's a lot less scary.

 

Breast cancer vs any std other than HIV.....what do YOU pick?

[Doug19482000 18]

We are in that older category. It is our conclusion that most guys have trouble using a condom. Putting a condom on will make the proudest erections wilt a little. Anything less a you just can't get ,or keep the dam thing on. Now we have noticed that most of the post say "don't like using them or WE prefer not. My question is can a woman tell if I have a condom on once I have entered her. Only one women has said to me that she can tell a difference. I can't figure out how she can. Can you tell us how?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Doug19482000 said:

My question is can a woman tell if I have a condom on once I have entered her. Only one women has said to me that she can tell a difference. I can't figure out how she can. Can you tell us how?

 

It's the tip and wetness on the tip, combined with the overall lubrication of the condom itself. I have always liked that feeling, it's like a little something extra (that little tip that sticks off the top to catch the cum). I'm weird

[AdamInEve 28]

Ok, With 50 people checking in I have compiled some numbers but I understand that with only 50 votes it is anything but scientific. I think you can see an interesting trend forming although it would always be nice to get more votes to reflect the data more accurately and as we do I will refigure the numbers.

 

The first thing I have noticed which seem to substantiate my hypothesis is that at least in this forum we have a more older group checking in.

 

Total Votes by age:

21-30 6 votes

31-40 13 votes

41-up 31 votes

 

Also substantiating my hypothesis is that it seems the older the age the more willing people are to not use condoms at least occasionally. Although the 21-30 and 31-40 age brackets are very close it seems the 41 and up group are far more willing to go condomless.

 

21-30 6 votes

Always use condoms 66.6%

Never or occasionally 33.3%

 

31-40 13 votes

Always use condoms 69.25%

Never or occasionally 30.75%

 

41-up 31 votes

Always use condoms 38.75%

Never or occasionally 61.25%

 

Lets hope for more votes so we can get a more accurate reflection of the data and I will keep it updated.

[rpu3 630]

I'm not for or against condoms as I think it's a personal choice based on one's own risk and tolerance limits.

 

Personally, I'm in the camp that believes people say they use condoms because it is the politically correct thing to say, but actions speak otherwise with 85% of the population.

 

This is why typically I'm actually happy to hear someone like GoodTimes who out and out says they prefer NOT to use them. At least it's honest and honest, unlike the camp that says publicly they use 'em every time, but behind closed doors is a far different matter. I'd prefer if people were just more honest about their actual practices, instead of just spouting the party line on profiles or when you meet.

 

I'm in the middle age group, and my choice is always use condoms. First, it is a back up for birth control. Second, I've been burned once on a partner's alleged selectivity and condom usage and nondisclosure of subsequent changes in said selectivity and usage. Once was more than enough - fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Now I'm not going to waste time ascertaining selectivity and condom usage when it's just far easier to just ask for 'em.

 

Maybe that opinion will change as I age. I am interested to see if there's an age correlation in this little poll. Intellectually, I agree with GT's position; however, my gut still wants that one barrier, however ineffective it may ultimately be shown to be.

[Chucat 31]

I do now realize that I probably came-off as a know it all in my previous posts on this thread. I am not...not even close. As a disclaimer...I did no more than scan the references in my last post for a means to positively support my argument that condom use is effective against STD transmission. I did not research the authors, their associations, nor the materials they used to come to their conclusion. With that being said here's a few more:

 

Basic Facts About Condoms and Their Use in Preventing HIV Infection and Other STDs - The Body

 

Are condoms the answer to rising rates of non-HIV sexually transmitted infections? Yes -- Steiner and Cates 336 (7637): 184 -- BMJ

 

Male condoms

 

I really have spent more time on this fact finding mission than I had intended. I know some folks have made much more an effort to find facts to support their own arguments. I never meant to make light of that effort or the research nor would I ever question the expertise that was a direct result of that research. I do however find it difficult to believe that the millions of people worldwide who depend on condoms for many reasons, would have their health and safety compromised for the sake of a "political agenda" and I still think people are going to do whatever they want to do regardless of what data they have available to them or where it did or did not come from.

 

For the record...we voted 40+ condoms always. As a couple we prefer to use condoms for intercourse. We would rather not and there have been a couple of occasions where we felt comfortable enough with our partners that we went without, but for us that will be a rarity. We feel that in showing our partners that we care for them as well as caring for ourselves, we're also saying something better than "Aw, What the hell...you're gonna die anyway"!

[Malachista 170]

When I was a kid there was an add on TV, about a comic guy who had a new girlfriend. His human friend showed him how to put a condom an a banana, telling him that with new lovers you should always use them until you know that they love you exclusively.

 

I liked that ad. My family was not happy about it. So basically TV taught me to always use them at a time I did not even know for what exactly you use them...

 

There also was a recent report about HIV in Germany, saying that the group with the highest infection rates currently are heterosexuals in the 55-75 age bracket (as they are often the ones who get together with new people after long relationships and never have needed to think about protection before and refuse to do so now).

[Mr.Essex 264]

I voted 21-30 (always uses condoms). In my case, however, I do it mainly for the birth control benefit. I don't indulge in that many "risky" sexual behaviors (rimjobs, fisting, razor play) to put myself in a high-risk bracket, but I'm not ready to be a father or to deal with "is he or isn't he" baby-daddy drama, especially if the mother to be is already married to someone else. Even if she's on the pill, I still wrap it up and pray for success.

[Brian and Jo 344]

We are both in our sixties. When we are with our regular group of couples with whom we have been swinging for many years we never use condoms. But if we meet a new couple for example when we are on vacation we always use condoms for intercourse.

[MikeandDawn 59]

Dawn and I have a definite "no condom" rule for our partners. But, some explanation is in order.

 

First, we have never, and will never do the party scene. We only engage in intimate acts with select males with whom we wish to pursue a somewhat long-term play relationship. This includes a "getting to know you" period of time where we discuss all things, both sexually and otherwise, to get a feel if this person is worthy of our trust.

 

Then we'll proceed to some "soft swap" type activities. We have taken precautions against pregnancy, and since AIDS/HIV is probably the biggest fear of many people, we insist that a potential playmate who is willing to commit to only playing with Dawn alone or with us together to get a cheap $50K term life insurance policy from our agent, which includes a HIV test. Once they provide us with the declarations page of the policy, we'll drop the kissing and oral sex for full blown intercourse, complete with creampies.

 

Dawn won't have it any other way, as she gets off SO much on feeling a guy squirt inside her (as do I watching it :-) . I realize we are definitely not the norm, but that's how we roll.

[crazinred 36]

Being new to this so far its been no condoms even though we have them with us. Red prefers the feeling of bareback. I prefer the clean up afterward. We keep discussing it and are really undecided at this time. Red is fixed so no worry about getting pregnant. So far I have only played with 2 other women and only had intercourse with 1 and neither said anything about a condom.

[AdamInEve 28]

Thanks for voting.

 

OK, so it seems that the votes have basically stopped. We almost reached 100 so I guess it is time to recap with what I feel are some interesting but not surprising results.

 

First of all, it seems like there is definitely an older group responding to this board. Second, the use of condoms seems to coincide with age. The older couples definitely seem more willing to go condomless at least occasionally.

 

Total Votes by age:

21-30 11 votes

31-40 23 votes

41-up 57 votes

 

It seems the older the age group, the more willing couples are to go condomless.

 

21-30 11 votes

Always use condoms 63.6%

Never or occasionally 36.3%

 

31-40 13 votes

Always use condoms 52.2%

Never or occasionally 47.8%

 

41-up 31 votes

Always use condoms 24.6%

Never or occasionally 75.4%

 

Interestingly enough the total number of votes still suggest the majority of couples are willing to not use condoms at least occasionally. And by what I would consider a pretty good margin.

 

Votes in Total: 91

Always use condoms 36.2%

Never or occasionally 63.8%

 

Any comments?

[The Fuse 1,012]

My category wasn't there: "Don't like them but still use them most of the time". Sorry for not voting. I'm 42 (The Answer, for all you geeks out there), and Mr. Fuse is 41.

 

An earlier post asked whether women can tell if a man is using a condom. For me, there is no comparison between sex with a condom and sex without. Without a condom, I can actually feel the man, rather than what he feels like through a latex glove. Put a latex glove on your hand and feel various things. The difference is profound. Without, I feel body heat without a layer in between to blunt it, and I feel skin and bumps and ridges. With a condom, all sensation is dimmed somewhat, except for the feelings of being filled up, and friction (not bad things, those ).

 

Still, we use them. Until and unless we are pretty sure we are having a longer-term relationship with another couple. And then the other couple has at least once said they still want to use them. So, there are plenty of people out there very serious about condom use. Personally, when I get to a certain point of comfort with a person, then I just feel like there shouldn't be a protective layer between our privates.

 

We've only had one couple we liked refuse to play the first time with condoms. Had no trouble passing them up. If you can't do it a few times to see whether we like playing together, and whether we like each other enough to continue seeing each other, then all right... we'll move on.

 

We feel our strategy limits our exposure somewhat, though I have come to believe they don't protect much against the diseases you're most likely to get that cannot be cured -- with herpes being the chief concern.

[AdamInEve 28]

The Fuse said:

My category wasn't there: "Don't like them but still use them most of the time". Sorry for not voting. I'm 42 (The Answer, for all you geeks out there), and Mr. Fuse is 41.

 

Oh sure Fuse, throw a wrench in the works!!!

 

I understand exactly what you are saying though, as we feel the same way but I think this would safely put you in the "Rather use them but occasionally wont" category just because you stated you use them "most" of the time and because like us, in the grand scheme of things even though you would rather not, in regards to the lifestyle you still would rather use them because you may feel it is best thing to do, at least most of the time.

[Mr.Essex 264]

Dawn and I have a definite "no condom" rule for our partners. But, some explanation is in order.

 

First, we have never, and will never do the party scene. We only engage in intimate acts with select males with whom we wish to pursue a somewhat long-term play relationship. This includes a "getting to know you" period of time where we discuss all things, both sexually and otherwise, to get a feel if this person is worthy of our trust.

 

Then we'll proceed to some "soft swap" type activities. We have taken precautions against pregnancy, and since AIDS/HIV is probably the biggest fear of many people, we insist that a potential playmate who is willing to commit to only playing with Dawn alone or with us together to get a cheap $50K term life insurance policy from our agent, which includes a HIV test. Once they provide us with the declarations page of the policy, we'll drop the kissing and oral sex for full blown intercourse, complete with creampies.

 

Dawn won't have it any other way, as she gets off SO much on feeling a guy squirt inside her (as do I watching it :-) . I realize we are definitely not the norm, but that's how we roll.

 

A bit mercenary, but I can more than understand the need for physiological security. If I were placed in that situation, and the insurance policy weren't exceptionally dear, I'd gladly submit myself to that test. Then again, I'd still rather lose my non-prophylactic virginity to my wife, and not to a woman who may see fit to cast me aside at her whim. After a few years of marital bliss (with children), I'd probably think differently about indulging myself in that regard.

[GoNatural 104]

I think that the original poster's idea of breaking down the age groups for this poll is good, but I also think that more voters on this poll will be above 41 years of age, and therefore the percentages will fall mostly in their categories.

[toycple 19]

One of our rules has always been use condoms. While we did bend this once in the past and have considered doing so recently with very very close friends. We have always had intercourse with them. I so think we are inthe camp that prefers to not use them. We don't use them with each other, and I am pretty sure we would both much like the feeling of skin on skin with others. But now it is sort of two fold, STD's and the Mrs is not on birth control of any kind.

[CXXC 435]

Put us in the "Always use them but wish we didn't have to camp!"

 

Mr. CXXC is V-Safe while Mrs. CXXC can still become pregnant and is not on the pill or other form of birth control. This is the BIGGEST reason for the requirement to ALWAYS use them.

 

As for STD's, this is in second place as there is really no third, forth or later place. We look at STD's with disdain but realize they are very possible no matter what you do.

Oral Sex is performed by us both without dental dams or condoms. Fingering is freely performed by men (Self included) upon more than just one woman in an event. The same illnesses can be transmitted via fingers as they can on exposed genital flesh. We have even seen sex toys used without thought of condoms.

 

We have not engaged in sexual intercourse without condoms with our partners yet. Perhaps, if we knew there would be no issue of pregnancy we would. This is still not 100%.

Get the clap and it will cost you about $100.00 (depending on your insurance coverage, less if you hit the free clinic). Get pregnant and that is gonna drain your bank account for another 18-21 years.

[The Fuse 1,012]

AdamInEve said:

 

Oh sure Fuse, throw a wrench in the works!!!

{snip}

 

Sorry, I'm an engineer; we always have to be picky, picky, picky.

 

The more we swing, the more I dislike condoms. And I am continually puzzled by the difference between peoples' experiences! In our experience, almost everyone insists on them. According to many in our age group on this board (lower 40's), lots and lots of people don't use them unless specifically asked. It seems as if for lots of folks, the convention is to say you use them, and then not to... sort of like saying, "Yes, I eat right and take my vitamins and floss every day".

 

I'm not sure Mr. Fuse would want to relax our rule, but argh... after we've been with people a few times, I really want to feel the warmth and bumpiness and throbbing of skin sans latex.

[linda smith 15]

At the club where I go to, I don't recall last time I saw a couple/people using condoms!! I'd say 90% of all of them have unprotected sex, they are all so drunk and piled up I'm sure they wouldn't care less about condoms...

[MIbbwcpl 67]

Seeing that my wife gets a allergic reaction from latex, we expect a full std screen test result (taken in the week we want to play) from our playmate.

 

I (the female half of this couple) am allergic to latex. There are options. Polyurethane condoms are one option, and so are polyisoprene condoms. The polyisoprene ones are relatively new, one brand is Lifestyles Skyn.

 

Latex allergy is not an excuse for not using condoms IMO.

[azdesertlover 15]

We don't use condoms at all. Good objective studies have shown that they are 80% effective at stopping an STD at best. Some STDs transmission protection is as low as 15%. And some, not at all. All STDs can be transmitted via oral sex. Bottom line is... even if it's a small percentage, you are playing Russian Roulette.

 

As swingers, abstinence and monogamy aren't much of an answer. For us, we require a recent STD test for all STDs (that's important, because the default is to test for the more popular STDs, not all of them, including HIV).

 

Our answer to the problem is that we've been working on putting together a small group that have all been tested for STDs, and that they don't play outside of the group, or with anyone else that hasn't also been tested.

[xyzzy07 15]

We normally use condoms when playing with others. The only times we haven't have been with two couples that became regular friends and sex partners. Was that wise? Who knows?

 

It's absolutely true that it feels much better to have sex w/o a condom, so it sure would be nice to not have to use them. However, since they are at least partially effective, it makes sense.

[AdamInEve 28]

 

Our answer to the problem is that we've been working on putting together a small group that have all been tested for STDs, and that they don't play outside of the group, or with anyone else that hasn't also been tested.

 

I guess that would be ideal but no matter how close of friends you think you may be and how trustworthy you feel the rest of the group is I am not sure that you can be 100% certain that people wouldn't stray from the group every now and then without the groups knowledge and I guess if there was a way to crunch those numbers they would equal the effectiveness of condom use.

[azdesertlover 15]

You are right. It is a matter of trust, but trust goes both ways. Deep down, everyone in the group would like to swing more, but the fear of catching something you don't want is what stops them.

 

We've had two scary close calls. The first was that we found out someone at a party that we went to, had Herpes, only we didn't find out until a month later. This person is a regular in the group, and almost no one in the group knew about it. The person with Herpes figured that they were taking Valtrex regularly, and hadn't had an outbreak, so it wasn't a problem. WRONG!!! Herpes can be passed on, even if an outbreak isn't occuring, and even if the person with Herpes is taking Valtrex. Granted, most people at the party used condoms, but that was only for vaginal intercourse. No one used a condom for oral sex. And like I mentioned, all STDs can be passed via oral sex.

 

The second incident is when we were with this great couple. We really clicked with them. Then a week later they told us they had Herpes. They "forgot" since they were also taking Valtrex and didn't have an outbreak in years.

 

At that point, we knew that if we wanted to continue to be swingers, we had to do something different. After doing some research, we determined that the CDC's recommendation was very misleading and out of date. More recent research has revealed that condoms are not as good a originally thought. And as I mentioned, no protection against STDs at all in some circumtances.

 

Therefore, the only way was to either stop swinging, or keep it to a small group that has been tested. It's not perfect. Nothing short of abstinence is. Even keeping sex to be between you and your partner, and no one else, relies on trust.

[az469 15]

We agree with desertcouple on small groups are much safer, but you need to be tested every 3 months to be safe.

[JandY 61]

We never use condoms except for when there is any anal activity and then ALWAYS.

 

But that's because we only play with one other couple, so far (who have only ever played with us).

 

There are far, far, far, far too many nasty little bugs out there to do other than bag it up if you're in unproven territories.

 

Age probably has something to do with it.

 

Twenty years ago we'd have been far more trusting and condom-free.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Age has a bearing on everything and anything you do.