It is not how big it is but how well he uses it

[megauxurious 15]

We all know how much people vary in talent for sport or music or dancing etc both before and after training. Indeed some people are better as beginners than others will be after years of practice. Take the effect of simply drawing a bow across violin strings. It can sound like a tortured cat or something heavenly and deeply moving.

 

Now the same thing no doubt applies to sex. The stroke during intercourse may have just as much variation in terms of how good it feels to the woman as the sound of a violin does. There must be big differences in how skillfully men move their cocks in and out. There is the skill of each stroke and the skill in being able to vary it just right as things build i.e. to make music inside you. Of course the size and shape of his cock must also make a difference but most women seem to say its much more about how he uses it.

 

In your experience ladies just how much variation is there in thrusting skill out there? Do swingers seem any better than non-swingers? Does practice and more variety improve a man's skill or do most men never learn anything?

 

If possible could you identify what makes thrusting good or bad?

 

What difference does all the stuff that happens before any thrusting make? What about other things he may do during thrusting?

 

I'm aware that a lot of other stuff from talking to touching to kissing and oral action happens too and that there are huge differences here too. I'm also aware that looks have an impact on the overall experience as well. However I don't want to make this discussion too broad. Lets talk about thrusting skill for now. If other skills contribute via preparation or atmosphere creation then mention it.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I can't say how many different types of strokes there are, the number is probably endless. The ones who "do it right" pay attention to the response they are getting and vary accordingly. For me, if you are going at a particular pace and I'm getting close I want you to continue AT THAT PACE. If you suddenly change pace as I'm getting close it will totally throw me off. If we are on the way there and I want faster or slower I will tell you. I think that short of a woman being willing to do this (tell the guy what she wants) all he's going to do is go at the pace that feels best for him. Why wouldn't he?

[BiloxiCouple 695]

She can't lay there like a piece of dead meat either. There's two of us doing this. It's not just the stroke/thrust, it's all the other things that go with it. It's not just any one part of it, it's the sum of all the parts.

 

If you need to analyze swingers as you have been, at least give the questions numbers so we can respond to numbered questions.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Violins are nice.

 

As a warm up band.

 

 

It usually gets pretty heavy metal at times. Head banging, you might say, thrashing kind of.

 

Then we go back to the violin stuff.

 

I feel kind of bad, megauxurious. I am the guy that tips the scales in the theory of intelligent swingers, thats for sure.

[LFM2 1,482]

The stroke during intercourse may have just as much variation in terms of how good it feels to the woman as the sound of a violin does. There must be big differences in how skillfully men move their cocks in and out. There is the skill of each stroke and the skill in being able to vary it just right as things build i.e. to make music inside you. Of course the size and shape of his cock must also make a difference but most women seem to say its much more about how he uses it.

 

In your experience ladies just how much variation is there in thrusting skill out there? Do swingers seem any better than non-swingers? Does practice and more variety improve a man's skill or do most men never learn anything?

If possible could you identify what makes thrusting good or bad?

 

What difference does all the stuff that happens before any thrusting make? What about other things he may do during thrusting?

 

I want to clarify that I haven't had sex with a non-swinger in over 25 years, so this would be hard to compare. Among swingers though, they seem to be more in tune with what I'm saying. Like Julie, when I'm close, I can tell him to stay just like that, or speed up or slow down. It's all good, and for the most part, the men I have sex with now are pleasers. They want to please us women.

 

(Remember, I'm old) Now, if memory serves me correctly, before I married Dave and had sex with the non-swingers, I think the men were out for what they could get and vice-versa. I was out for jungle sex, and if they weren't, I could find someone to fill that void. So to answer the swinger vs. non swinger question, yes, swingers seem to understand better than others that the swingers want to please their partners more so than others. On the other hand, these "boys" that I slept with in my younger years before Dave were just that -- Boys. Their whole mission in life was to spread their seed in as many places as they could without regard for pleasure except their own.

 

In summary, maybe it's just the maturity that brings out what the thrusting question poses. Mature thrusters have better pleasing power, better stamina and more interest in pleasing their partners instead of themselves.

 

*shrug* Who knows? Geez, did this even remotely answer any of the above questions?

[Chicup 41]

On the other hand, these "boys" that I slept with in my younger years before Dave were just that -- Boys. Their whole mission in life was to spread their seed in as many places as they could without regard for pleasure except their own.

 

Having once been a boy, go easy on us, we were so excited when we first starting having sex there would be times we would be lucky to get it in before we were done

 

Its a skill like anything else, practice makes perfect.

[megauxurious 15]

I understand that playing may often be more like head banging heavy metal than violin playing but the point is that even there some heavy metal hits the spot and other heavy metal doesn't.

1. Are there large differences in how good a guy's thrusting "music" is or are they all pretty much alike?

2. If the answer to 1 is yes what do you think makes the difference?

 

My sense is that yes there are differences but in experienced swingers there is a much narrower range of skills with most being reasonably good. I also have one answer that points to listening to responses until one finds the right pace and force and then stick to it. Anyone disagree?

 

If that's it then do men differ a lot in their ability to listen and stick to a rhythm?

 

I imagine that someone who has trouble delaying his own orgasm is going to have trouble making good thrusting "music" even if he does listen well. Also even with the best of intentions and good endurance there must be some coordination differences that make a difference in how it feels. Certainly it does in dancing. With equal experience and similar motivations the movements of dance partners feel very different - some much better than others. What I'm looking for here in the description of thrusting are things like smooth versus jerky or short versus long strokes or consistency versus constant changing. What feels better? That's question 2. Question 1 is whether men differ a lot or just a little in how good their thrusting feels?

[Guest screaminggood]

I think there are differences. The main one being the foreplay. In a different post, there was a comment about men who knew how to get a woman so hot that she wouldn't notice size, etc. because she just so desperately wants him in her by the time he does it. In my case, that's totally true. How well the guy does his foreplay act is paramount to how well he mounts (two puns today, am I at my limit for posting puns?) In my experience, I'd say that most guys rush toward the deed when they should be prolonging the anticipation for the woman. The guys that I adore definitely know how to build up to the climax. That being said, some men do have better rhythm than others...and I also question whether it's related to trying not to climax too fast. Some seem to stop, re-position, and start again--is that really a stop so he won't cum too fast? Sometimes it can work and sometimes it throws me completely off my rhythm with him.

[slevin 1,374]

Just feel like I have to ask (following on from Biloxi's comment): is this personal curiousity from a person who is very research oriented? Or is this research for a study, article etc.? Your other thread about swinging and intelligence felt very much like a thesis oriented research topic

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

What I'm looking for here in the description of thrusting are things like smooth versus jerky or short versus long strokes or consistency versus constant changing.

Sounds like you're talking about driving a car.

 

This is way too unsexy for me.

 

Megauxurious, since you're asking this question I have to wonder how much sex you've had, and with how many people?

 

I hadn't had sex with anyone but my husband before we started swinging and I never thought about or worried about "thrusting skill via preperation or atmosphere creation" when I began having sex with other men. I don't worry about those things and I can't imagine a research study would come to some conclusive results telling guys how many thrusts - and at what pace - to give a woman for maximum pleasure.

 

LM

[BiloxiCouple 695]

LikeMinds321 reply brought to mind that old Tootsie Roll commercial with the Owl asking, "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"

 

It really doesn't matter now does it? As long as you are enjoying yourself:facelick:

 

Based on the wide range of results from these scientific studies, it is clear that the world may never know how many licks it really takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.

[sweet_tna 680]

I'm not one for splitting hairs, and would be interested to know why you're asking these questions. But I'm in a chatty mood tonight, so what the heck.

 

In your experience ladies just how much variation is there in thrusting skill out there? Do swingers seem any better than non-swingers?

 

Based solely on my own personal experience I'd have to say yes. BUT I've only had sex with one man before Mr. Sweet . . . and that, I think, skews the results.

 

Does practice and more variety improve a man's skill or do most men never learn anything?

 

As with any skill or talent, practice makes perfect--or at least better

If possible could you identify what makes thrusting good or bad?

 

This is sooooo subjective. For me, it would be a guy that sets a good rhythm and can stick with it as I get closer to orgasm. But teasing at the beginning can be fun, too . . . I've been known to do that when I'm on top.

 

What difference does all the stuff that happens before any thrusting make?

 

Only everything . . . if I'm not so wound up that I'm quivering before we get to intercourse, it won't matter how well the guy can thrust.

 

What about other things he may do during thrusting?

 

Like what, make me breakfast? Seriously, it depends on the position and the mood. For example, if my partner and I are doing it doggy style, I might like a little hair pulling and/or spanking. If he's on top, then I like for him to look me in the eyes, etc. Actually, it's not even the thrusting itself as it is what he does before and during.

 

=)

[TNT 1,155]

I'll give your questions a try...although, I don't think it's the answer you're looking for.

 

megauxurious said:

What I'm looking for here in the description of thrusting are things like smooth versus jerky or short versus long strokes or consistency versus constant changing. What feels better? That's question 2.

 

They all feel good. Depending on my mood/what I want at the time determines what kind of thrusting I enjoy. What I enjoy can and does change in the blink of an eye. So, there is no answer as to what feels better...it all feels good.

 

 

Quote

Question 1 is whether men differ a lot or just a little in how good their thrusting feels?

 

Again, it's all subjective...every man is different, yet the same. There are so many variables that determine whether a man is a good lover or not. The "thrusting" aspect of sex plays a minute part. I've never known a man that couldn't or wouldn't speed up, slow down, make longer strokes, shorter strokes or whatever kind of stroke you can image if he's asked to.

 

The problem with your question is that the answer will be different for every woman and her answer will vary depending on the mood she was in at the time and the kind of thrusting she was wanting. That's the beauty of sex...it's always the same yet different every time.

 

Teresa

[AprilMike 16]

It's both. A lot has to be said about size. A lot has to be said about skill. If you have size, you can work on skill, but if you only have skill. bummer, lol.

 

Just remember, you can drive a road course with a semi truck, but you can't pull a trailer with a Porsche.

[TravlParty 87]

Shape is very important to me. Just being totally honest here. Four inches that's very thick with a big head does more for me than 8 inches that's skinny and no head to speak of. I do not enjoy skinny ones.

 

Quote

In your experience ladies just how much variation is there in thrusting skill out there?

 

I see more variation in positions. Some guys are good at trying different positions to get to the one that makes me scream. Those are the best.

 

Quote

Do swingers seem any better than non-swingers?

 

Most swinger guys have learned patience.

 

Quote

Does practice and more variety improve a man's skill or do most men never learn anything?

 

Hubby says you can learn new things from different women, so yes skills do improve.

 

Quote

If possible could you identify what makes thrusting good or bad?

 

Knowing which tempo pleases the woman you're with. Being tuned into her reactions. If she isn't reacting, then do something different!!

 

Quote

What difference does all the stuff that happens before any thrusting make?

 

Foreplay, teasing, flirting are all very important. If I just wanted thrusting, I've got a dildo.

 

Quote

What about other things he may do during thrusting?

 

Positions, positions, positions! I love a man who switches positions, and goes back and forth between oral and thrusting. Hubby has me so spoiled because that's what he does so well.

 

Mrs. T

[megauxurious 15]

I'm not doing a thesis. My motive for the skill question came from a female colleague once telling me that sex is a skill like sport - that some guys are just so much better at the mechanics. I was unable to get her to explain what kind of thing made one guy's mechanics better than another. I just thought this might be the perfect group of people to ask. Also in the 2 MMFs we have had the other guys had a very different styles of thrusting to mine and my wife didn't like the sensation of either very much. On the other hand in a couple experience the guy's thrusting style really did it for her. I'm really curious. If there are differences in skill at the mechanics then I would like to acquire the good ones as best I can.

[Thrax 384]

I'm not doing a thesis. My motive for the skill question came from a female colleague once telling me that sex is a skill like sport - that some guys are just so much better at the mechanics.

In a way, sex IS a skill like sport.

 

I don't think that sex between two or more people is perfectly analogous to sport, but there are some commonalities.

 

One thing: practice, Practice, PRACTICE! (Practice, in my experience, doesn't make perfect, but it does help...and practicing sex is one of the few practice events that are enjoyable for everyone involved -- regardless of what's learned or instilled...)

 

Another thing: Watch the tapes. (This boils down to research. It sounds boring, but watching your spouse/SO/friends/etc., watching other couples/threesomes/etc. live, reading books like 101 Sex Positions, The Orgasm Bible, Tickle His Pickle, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex, Art of Oral Sex, etc., and searching the Internet for sex advice can broaden your horizons. By the way, I picked out the book titles with a short search on Amazon.com. And now I want my pickle tickled.)

 

And another thing, do you both want to be sexually satisfied?: Pay attention to what your "opponent" is doing and react accordingly. (Please be assured that I don't think that the male/female encounter is a combat, but I'm thinkin' that reacting to the present sex partner's signals are important. I'm sure I miss a lot of signals in the heat of the moment, but this is a reminder to keep me "in the game.")

 

If something your partner is doing is doing it for you, it really helps if you give encouraging words to your partner(s) to continue ..THE...EXACT...THING...THAT...YOU...ARE...DOING!.

 

If you are the thrustee and keep quiet, then the thruster assumes things are going well. If you are the thrustee and are happy (or even unhappy) with the current...um...proceedings, then telling the thruster could open a window to other possibilities. For example, is grinding preferable to long thrusts, or short thrusts, or is a combination needed here?

 

It boils down to being aware of your capabilities and your sex partner's (or partners') needs, and counting on the honesty and comfort of your sex partners.

 

Okay, that's too much being serious for me. It's WAY past dinner time!

 

Thrax

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Good sex is like "porn". It's hard to describe but I know it when I feel it. I think where this question errs is in assuming that it has something to do with a specific thrust. I can't even wrap my mind around that question/idea and I have a feeling that others here can't either.

 

Yes, there is a skill involved in sex but the skill is not a thrust. The skill is in listening (both for verbal and non-verbal cues) to your partner and reacting accordingly. It is about learning as you go. And taking what you learn and using it, making it your own and adding to it.

 

I've talked to a few guys that claim to have learned how to give oral sex from a lesbian. I haven't experienced them, but they claim to be very good at it. That said, I've had oral sex from many women who are very bi and have had very few who actually seemed to get anywhere down there. My reaction is always "you'd think they'd take what they like and at least start with that". After going down on them and getting them off, I can't figure out why they don't try the same things. But it seems like they get into one particular motion and won't do anything else. Even when you ask them to, often they will try something for a moment then go back to what they were doing before. It's frustrating.

 

I think that Thrax's anaologies are right on. Watch the tapes, watch others, learn from what they do and pay attentoin to what your partner is telling you to do and then watch their reactions.

 

The skill in sex is communication (go figure), the listening side of communication mostly and the understanding.

[K&JIntimates 66]

If something your partner is doing is doing it for you, it really helps if you give encouraging words to your partner(s) to continue ..THE...EXACT...THING...THAT...YOU...ARE...DOING!.

 

If you are the thrustee and keep quiet, then the thruster assumes things are going well. If you are the thrustee and are happy (or even unhappy) with the current...um...proceedings, then telling the thruster could open a window to other possibilities. For example, is grinding preferable to long thrusts, or short thrusts, or is a combination needed here?

 

Thrax

 

If an improvement on your own skills is what you are after Thrax has it right. Nothing will improve your skills more than knowledge and a willingness to listen to, not only, your partner but to what women have to say in general. If it's hard to stay focused on her reactions during sex, liven up the main course with some conversation...and for God's sake, when she says to keep on with one type of thrusting DON'T STOP. She may have lost the ability to speak at that point so don't assume it's time to change into something else.

 

Every woman will like and want different types of thrusting at different times, she may not want a running dialog during sex but a little practice and few question appropriately timed afterward may help to. If you want to know what pushes your partners buttons....ASK!

 

(PS for Thrax.....Still lovin' your 'attention whorish' avatar. Why do you and your pickle have to live so far away?! )

[Chicup 41]

90% of good sex is over before it starts.

 

Its in the mind.

 

I don't think I've ever turned a woman who was sort of 'ho hum' at the start of sex into a raging she beast just by doing it. My technique didn't seem to matter, and at best I think changed 'ho hum' into 'not bad' or 'that was fun'. Even with Mrs. Chicup I can only rarely swing her (no pun intended) from 'fine if it will shut you up' sex to 'oh god that was awesome sex', normally its 'ok that was nice' sex if she wasn't really in the mood to start.

 

If they want it, really want it, and its obvious from actions and body language if they do, then pretty much anything you do to them is going to be just fabulous. If they don't then even if you could write Vol II to the Karma Sutra, you will still have an uphill and often impossible battle.

 

When they do really want it, they will have those mind blowing orgasms which hurt your ears, talk about it was the best they ever had, etc etc, even though I did absolutely NOTHING different.

 

So I suppose if you had a woman blindfolded at a gang bang she might be able to say 'oh that one was better than that one' but outside of that situation, the outcome is predetermined before you even get their clothes off. I think for the 'expert' males in bed, skill is not during the act but what they inspire before the act.

[sweet_tna 680]

 

The best sex I've ever had has been when I've wanted it the most.

[megauxurious 15]

Its also been my view that most of the variation in a woman's judgement about whether the sex is good or not is determined by variations in her mood before it starts. I also think thrusting skill probably makes up a small fraction, 10% say, of all sexual technique skills.

 

Nevertheless it's useful to know that once you have found the pace and technique that works best for her at that moment, one needs to maintain that exact combination until she is satisfied. To do that you need some sense of rhythm i.e. a sense of whether your rhythm is changing or not, good control over your rhythm, and being able to delay orgasm while you maintain that rhythm i.e. not delay it by stopping. Then finding the right rhythm entails being able to start at a promising one and vary it at will while paying attention to response cues you are getting.

 

Apart from some guys not listening, they are definitely not equally able in all those rhythm skills. Guys are very different in how well they can find and stick to something as simple as the appropriate rhythm of marching in time to a beat so I find it difficult to believe there aren't major differences in thrusting skills.

 

I do however accept that thrusting skills are a minor part of the overall sexual experience and even of the pure technique side of things.

 

I guess the psychology of what creates serious excitement at any moment is much more interesting and important than thrusting technique. Novelty and elements of taboo seem to be big factors but those are difficult to keep pulling off. I wonder what the principles are that one's sexual "buttons" are built upon.

[lcmim 1,082]

I am just reviving this thread. Both the discussion and advice is worth the read.

[David Lovell 160]

We were not adventurous till we began swinging, Then my wife riding on top became a very satisfying way for her tocontrol speed, depth, angle and how long she held the creampie deep inside their pussy. Now Amy wouldn't  have it any other wa, with or her swinging partner

[couplers 4,638]

On 11/30/2008 at 12:29 PM, JustAskJulie said:

If you are going at a particular pace and I'm getting close I want you to continue AT THAT PACE. If you suddenly change pace as I'm getting close it will totally throw me off. If we are on the way there and I want faster or slower I will tell you.

Very true for me as well.  I can cum easily and get it off with or before the the guy, but I need a constant pace from him, except 

 

19 hours ago, David Lovell said:

my wife riding on top became a very satisfying way for her to control speed, depth, angle

if I'm on top, it doesn't matter what he's doing.  I can hit it just right the way I want and go off when I want. 

 

19 hours ago, David Lovell said:

my wife riding on top became a very satisfying way for her to control... how long she held the creampie deep inside their pussy.

Until I decide to clean up, I want to hold it in me as long as possible.  That's why I prefer we finish either missionary or doggy, head down, ass up.