Want to try a MFM threesome and I thought hubby was on board.

[synergy 15]

For years, my husband has brought up his fantasy of a mfm situation during our love-making. I could tell that it really excited him to fantasize about watching me f*** another man. At first, it really turned me off because I didn't want to complicate our great intimacy. One of the best things about our almost 20 year relationship has been the lack of drama.

 

Well, now we are full fledged swingers for about a year (have had many fun experiences with couples) and we have yet to engage in a threesome except for a brief and casual fmf with a friend early in our relationship. I have chatted with a few single guys online and have found someone I am intrigued to meet. My husband accepted the chat invitation from the man and appeared to enjoy himself as he was masterbating while watching the two of us in our witty back and forth banter. From our conversation, the single guy seems like a respectful, intelligent and attractive man who appreciates the no strings appeal of this type of interaction.

 

Here is the problem.... my husband seems to be hesitating on setting up a meeting. I'm sensing jealousy... Now this is somewhat frustrating because I now I'm feeling comfortable and excited about trying this new thing, not to mention I'd feel like we led this individual on and flaked. I mentioned this to my husband and he says I shouldn't be so concerned about other people.

 

How should I approach this situation??

[ncmd_couple 597]

Synergy,

 

As you well know, it is a big leap taking a fantasy to reality. Take baby steps. Ok, you have chatted with this guy on-line. So far, he seems ok. But in reality, you don't know anything about him. All too often guys will take things this far then when you want to meet them over drinks in a safe place, "Poof" the are gone! Take baby steps and make sure that your husband knows that both of you have to agree on the next step. So, having said that..

 

1. See if your husband is even interested in meeting this guy over drinks with the understanding that that is the only thing that is going to happen. If he says no, end contact with the guy politely. Then sit down with your husband and patiently find out why not.

 

2. If he does want to meet him, do it on terms that you are both comfortable with. End the meeting as agreed. Then discuss your next step

 

Good luck!

 

S

[slevin 1,374]

I for sure agree that your primary focus should be on what you and your husband are comfortable with. While you may feel that you've led the guy on a bit, that should not impact your decision about whether to meet him or not. It definitely shouldn't make you feel any sort of obligation. If your husband is suddenly hesitant about it then talk with him about it. Perhaps he just needs a bit of reassurance, but if not then what is most important is you two. There are lots of single guys out there to talk to in the future when he gets comfortable with things.

[Chicup 42]

Here is the problem.... my husband seems to be hesitating on setting up a meeting. I'm sensing jealousy... Now this is somewhat frustrating because I now I'm feeling comfortable and excited about trying this new thing, not to mention I'd feel like we led this individual on and flaked. I mentioned this to my husband and he says I shouldn't be so concerned about other people.

 

How should I approach this situation??

 

You should approach the situation by dropping it.

 

My wife and I have been swingers for years, we have had MFM's in the context of swinging couples we know, many times, but I still would not be comfortable bringing a single male into the mix for a good number of reasons.

 

Also just because you chatted on the internet a bit doesn't mean you owe this guy anything. Thats a bit of an excuse on your part to push this with your husband.

 

If you really want a threesome, approach it in the context of couples you have met and he would be comfortable with. Believe it or not there is a BIG leap from MFMF to MFM in a lot of peoples minds. Hell even AS the extra male it took me several times to be 100% comfortable with the idea.

[Guest screaminggood]

You have accidentally went past your husband's comfort zone. I agree with Chicup--drop the single man of the moment. It will show your husband that he's more important to you. What you accidentally created was jealousy by becoming "friends" or "attached" to the single man through the emails. You might need to play with single men the way that I do: my husband loves to watch me with single men, but only once with that particular man, and only if I find them at a club...no strings attached. He's very clear that he doesn't want repetition because of his fear that feelings could get involved. My guess is that your husband probably thinks the same way as mine. The great news is that it doesn't rule out MFMs, it just changes how you look for them and respond to them. And btw, I always ask my husband for approval on my choices of playmates. If for any reason, he doesn't like the guy, it's off.

[Alura 2,775]

I agree with Chicup. The best way to have an MFM is with the husband of a couple you already play with.

 

We've done this two ways:

 

1. When the other wife was out of town but knew and approved, and,

 

2. With the other wife watching.

 

Both situations were later reversed in the name of fairness and fun.

 

We've done FMFs in the same way. Never have we had a problem.

 

Mr. Alura

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

One conclusion we've had to come to in this lifestyle is that it's not important what others think or feel. If someone else has expectations that don't get fulfilled then it's THEIR issue for having the expectations in the first place.

 

At this point all you've done is had some fun chat with the guy, there is no reason to assume from that that it will go to anything more. Unless I missed something you haven't even met him in person yet. Perhaps your husband is a bit worried after seeing all the "witty banter" back and forth between you that if you do meet you will get too close?

 

A lot of times the idea/ fantasy of something is great but when you are faced with the reality of it coming true you realize that there is more to consider than you really thought.

[MrkLin 393]

I agree completely with everyone who told you to take baby steps here. It's one thing to have a fantasy, and quite another to make it reality. I'm sure your man is hesitant. We all were at first, to some degree or another.

 

I also agree that a meeting in a neutral, public place with the understanding between all three of you that NOTHING more will happen that day would be a good thing. You two need to get to know him a bit further, and talking face to face is so much better than exchanging text, for reasons I'm sure we all know.

 

Your man needs to have no doubt in his mind that HE is the only guy for you. It's a big step to share your woman with someone else, and even in the LS, we sometimes have to back off and do a bit of a reality check at times. It sounds like he's just too worried about this guy getting too attached to you. That's a valid concern - even with a couple like us, who have been having MFM threesomes for about 16 years.

 

You might think about heeding the advice given by others, in that you try your first MFM threesome with a couple you have already played with. We've done that several times ourselves.

 

Still, overall, I think (and this is just my opinion) that the two of you need to back off a bit and work on your communication. Both of you have to be comfortable with everything you plan on doing. If either of you isn't 100% certain about something, you need to stop and back off. Talk about it. Find out what his concerns are, and act accordingly. If you've come this far in the lifestyle, I'm sure you can work it out. Just remember that there's no rush - take your time, and remember that baby steps are the way to go.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

My husband accepted the chat invitation from the man and appeared to enjoy himself as he was masterbating while watching the two of us in our witty back and forth banter. From our conversation, the single guy seems like a respectful, intelligent and attractive man who appreciates the no strings appeal of this type of interaction.

 

Here is the problem.... my husband seems to be hesitating on setting up a meeting. I'm sensing jealousy...

This may be a long shot but since it came to mind I'm going to mention it.

 

Could it be that it's not jealousy that your husband is feeling but embarrassment?

 

You said he accepted the chat invitation from the man and masterbated while you and the man were chatting. It was a sexual experience for your husband. Afterwards your husband may not have felt as comfortable with the experience as he expected to.

 

Did the single male know that your husband was masterbating? If so, that could play a role in how your husband feels right now.

 

LM

[synergy 15]

 

Did the single male know that your husband was masterbating? If so, that could play a role in how your husband feels right now.

 

LM

 

Actually, we did not disclose that detail to the single male.

 

Thanks to everyone...there is a lot of good advice here.

 

Synergy

[sweet_tna 680]

There's a huge difference between fantasy and reality. Sure, your husband was turned on enough by your chats with this guy to masturbate. But that doesn't mean he's ready or willing to share you in that way. Have you ASKED your husband why he seems to be reluctant to at least meet this guy?

 

Whatever his answer, I'd be more concerned with your hubby's feelings than those of the other guy's.

 

Talk it through with him, and try to be patient. I know it's not always easy when you're the one who's ready to move on and your partner isn't. But that's the nature of the lifestyle. You travel at the pace of the slowest runner.

 

Perhaps you could compromise by trying a threesome with a couple? Granted, it's not a "true" threesome, but it's worked out well for us.

 

=)

[ViSexual 1,008]

TNA,

 

Why is a threesome, by using combinations with another couple you know, not a real threesome?

 

If you've done a foursome with a couple and everyone likes and feels comfortable with eveyone then why not set up threesomes?

 

Sure, one is left out on these meetings each time but it allows all four to enjoy the threesomes they want.

 

And, when one couple is with one spouse of the other couple alone, it's a threesome, right?

 

What does it matter that it's another spouse instead of a single person? What can a single person do that a married one can't?

[slevin 1,374]

What does it matter that it's another spouse instead of a single person? What can a single person do that a married one can't?

 

I think that there is a big difference mentally for many people between a married couple and a single person, even if you're having a threesome with the married half of a couple. If you've already played with them as a couple you have gotten to know them both and gotten a comfort level with their relationship. With a single person many people have that lingering concern that they have a hidden agenda (trying to setup a meet alone, trying to get a relationship, getting attached...).

 

All things that can happen with someone who is in a relationship too, but I think there is less concern about it being a serious problem for many people. I know that starting out that was definitely true for me. Right now I'm not sure exactly how I feel about it other than I know for sure that it is something that can happen with anyone

[joaninla 162]

I too think it is a good idea to meet in a public place just to chat and if all agree meet later for the MFM. As far as your husband goes, I suggest you talk with him about all those things that he found erotic when you previously discussed this. IMHO, it's important to have your husband focus on those things he finds exciting and erotic, not those things that are potentially negative (like jealousy and discomfort).

I can say, my husband and I have enjoyed many MFM's and we have always come away with a very positive experience. Good luck!!

[dwaineandpat 15]

Well- maybe your hubby wants to try playing in the cuckold lifestyle some.

We are into MFM playdates with married guys on the longterm, and our FB stops by for a quickee when I am not home and its a thrill to come home to her ready to jumpon and tell me what our FB did to her, while she F***s me. But in the cuckold lifestyle MFM, the hubby is told what to do by the wife and her BULL/lover. The hubby sets on the side lines and watches and or treated as a sissy to his wife and lover. Maybe your hubby would want to try this and doesent know how to tell you. He may also have seconds thought's of loosing you to someone, if you date other guys without him being there. Maybe you two should only play with married guys because,most married guys are not looking for another wife, there only looking for what they cant get from home. In our play with 80% of single guys, they were all ways trying to get my wife to meet them alone some where, or asking her out on dates, telling her she dident need to tell me about it,etc,etc.. She told them right out NO! She likes MFM playdates as much as i do. So now I pick the guys for her, and we have changed our play with others to where she gets a bigger thrill out of our playdates of not knowing when,where or with who. So maybe you might ask your hubby if he prefers to pick the guys for you, and you both meet the guy for a playdate and see where it goes from there.

[Mr.Essex 264]

As someone who's been repeatedly on the other end of the scenario, I'd say that the best thing to do in this situation is to give your chat partner a succinct explanation for your unwillingness to move further, then move on. There's nothing quite as annoying for me as dealing with a person who has no problem with exchanging messages for a few weeks, but suddenly drops off the face of the earth without explanation.

 

For some of us, travel arrangements, workplace absences and monetary details have to be attended to for a liason, and it's frustrating to have to go back to your boss and cancel that two day vacation because "the Torkelsons*" got cold feet and decided to cut off contact. Or spending an extra $200+ for rush service on car repairs, then realizing that "Mr.andMrs.Luvs2Party*" haven't bothered to send more than a one line reply to any of your E-mails. And if I had a dollar for every picture that I've sent to a prospective partner (single female or couple), just to get turned down or flat out ignored after the other party has collected their fill of pictures for their personal edification (I've seen my privities used in other peoples' ads), I could afford a 7-day vacation to anywhere in the continental U.S.

 

A quick "I don't think that this is going to work out/My spouse isn't comfortable with this arrangement/Today, no, but maybe at a later date" removes your (user)name from the "bad list" that every lifestyler maintains. And, as a very shocked couple learned at the last party which I attended, singlehood isn't a permanent affliction. Sometimes, we singles meet partners of our own, and we (not speaking personally, but it was fun to watch) can remember the birthmarks and tattoos of people who gave us the runaround {or, as my example said, "fucked me in the ass with no reacharound"}. Then (when the former single {now married} male showed up with smoking hot wife) the very shocked couple mentioned before couldn't figure out why their comeons were so sharply rebuffed, their offers of WHEE free drinks!! (the couple in question was notorious for taking advantage of the BYOB rule to cull potential female playmates from couples who didn't bring alcohol) were so easily turned down, and watched as their "destined target" enjoyed the attentions of people who were "lesser" than them. After I had enjoyed massaging and sampling her wares, he wife was gracious enough to give me some of the details of her husband's dealings with the shocked couple. Revenge, as always, is a dish best served cold, and graciousness (even from a position of power) is the best way to avoid becoming "that guy/that chick/that couple".