vanilla friends potential swingers???

[bunnyluvn 15]

my hubby & i have this vanilla (im assuming) couple we've been friends with for a couple years now. of course my husband & i are swingers & have been for a couple years now. we like to go out often & have fun with swinger friends, sexual or not, we have awesome friends! anyway, we have always kept it pretty much to ourselves that we are swingers, but i think it's no mystery to our vanillas that we surely don't have a boring life & we like to go out alot. they know we like to do that & party, but of course no further details are given.

 

anyway, this couple i'm talking about, the husband is pretty good friends with my husband and abit of a shy guy, but sweet, & his wife, too. i'm confused & a bit tormented on this issue. (we know each other outside of work, we wouldnt go there.) they go to church apparently, but the male asked my husband when they were alone one time about swinging b/c some guys they dropped off from a car ride brought it up in general when they were there. the male was quiet about it until they left & then he started asking my husband about swinging, in general i guess. my husband told him that basically they didnt know what the hell they were talking about.

 

this guy sometimes acts a little smitten w/ me maybe? hes made comments to my husband that his wife has no insecurities with other women & my husband was like, "mine either, as matter of fact she'll ask me if the woman was cute!" he also has given me compliments saying i was a certain female celebrity. i heard him & my husband talking about how hot this celebrity was, etc. apparently he has a feeling maybe that we are a bit wild. he kids with me about partying & seems to try to strike up conversations about anything like he just wants a chance to talk to me.

 

he's cool with his wife & i hanging out & going places together. we hang out in/outside of gym. he told me one time after i had done my workout,"hey, dont wear yourself out now. thats my job. in class i mean." & i've caught him looking @ me a few times. it's like we do this subtle flirting here & there. sometimes around & not around my hub. hes cool w/ it & doesnt mind. could he & his wife be thinking of exploring swinging? or am i a hopeful thinker? i would never just confess my naughty side to them, but i think maybe they are into us.

 

one time we had to go out of town for a seminar & we had rooms @ the same hotel. when we got there that night, we went by their room to say hi & let them know wed made it there ok. my hubby told them well i guess were gonna go for a swim. my wife wants to swim in the pool. they said okay & acted like no big deal. my hub & i went to our room, put on our bathing suits & went to the pool. about 3 mins later here they come outside to get in the hottub that was also out there next to the pool. they got in. my husband migrated over there to them & shortly after i did too. we hung out in the hottub about 20-30 mins, basically talking the way we usually do. of course we kept it that way, not knowing if theyre cool like that or not, dont wanna make an ass out of yourself!

 

i told my husband we need a tv out back by out hot tub @ home so we can watch the football games & fights. hub mentioned this to him in casual conversation & told me the male was like, "yeah, that's what im talkin' about!" so what do you guys think of this? i think their hot. am i wasting my time? i would never just come out & say what hub & i do, & would totally feel this thing out slowly & with no high hopes but im itching to know what the deal is with them. he didnt seem appalled or anything when my hub talked to him about the swinging subject. he even told my husband he thought 2 chicks kissing was hot. whats your thoughts?

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Nothing personal, one huge paragraph is just too hard to read. My eyes went cross-eyed.

[bunnyluvn 15]

sorry. :-(

[two4youinswva 3,068]

sorry. :-(

 

No need to be sorry! You edited it well, and made it a lot easier to read.

 

As to the question at hand, I'll ask you one question:

Would you be willing to lose them as vanilla friends?

 

I ask this because, as you probably know, there is the very real potential for this occurring. They could either reject your offer, and then feel uncomfortable around you, or, they could take you up on the offer, later have regrets/issues, and cut off communication with you.

 

It could turn out great, but it could also turn out not so great. So, is the risk worth it to the two of you? If so, go for it! If not, then, continue the thoughts as fantasy only.

 

Best of luck!

[bunnyluvn 15]

thx guys for your insight. just helps to have others thoughts & views as well. wouldnt want to lose the friendship. just putting feelers out there! ;-) i totally agree. if any moves are made, it will be for them to do.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Thanks for the edit. Much better.

 

Vanilla should stay vanilla and keep your swingers as swingers. Although, once in a while it may work, you do have to ask yourself if it is worth the risk of losing a friendship.

 

Even though the majority of our friends and work relationships know, we don't mess with the people at work. Too much potential for drama, especially at work. If they are vanilla away from work, it could be open for discussion, but probably wouldn't happen. Never say never.

 

Only you know if it could work or not.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Well, I agree with the separation of work and play, and the dangers of losing friends. But those are all decision that you have to make on your own. As for you specific question, you could always ask the other lady, when just you two are together, "Your hubby mentioned swinging to my hubby, I don't know anything about swinging, do you?" He brought up the topic, it would be logical that your hubby would mention it, and also logical that you would ask her out of curiosity.

 

S

[realcplub2 513]

As much fun as it may be, it might be best to forego them as play partners..

 

Bringing them into the Non Vanilla world CAN lead to shortening the friendship as was expressed by the others in this thread.. It also can lead to play partners for the rest of your lives..

 

If its your choice to proceed, then the best possible suggestion would be to invite them over, since they already have ideas as to your other life.. mix a few drinks, invite them to the hot tub, and slowly, carefully, fill them in on the activities you enjoy. But beware as much as it might lead to the out come you want, it might also lead to them leaving and not wanting any more contact with you.

[VanHlebar 187]

As I posted here a couple of weeks ago, we too are going through a very similar situation. The difference is that our vanilla friends now know that we are in the lifestyle and they have told us that they are not in the lifestyle. The wife has talked with both MrsVan and myself very openly over the last week or so and she has indicated that they are very curious about the lifestyle. She (other wife) has a huge fantasy of being with another woman and now knows that MrsVan is bi.

 

So while we love this couple and if they where swingers we would have been naked already, we still aren't sure if we will ever go there with them, even if they decided they wanted to. All four of us have agreed that all advances would have to come from them and we would really need to talk a ton before we did anything. None of us want to do anything that might kill our friendship.

 

Good luck in any event.

 

-Van

[bunnyluvn 15]

thx to all others for the advice. does sound familiar, huh? ;-) well, i hope your situation works out, sounds like it could, but it's so true... it's better to let them make the first move.

 

b/c if its something they really have thought through & want to do, i think it will eventually happen. the last thing we want to do is make an ass of ourselves, b/c then you can't take it back & the situation's just awkward.

 

i wish i could tell them the truth, but discretion is the better part of valor in this situation i think. good luck with yours & i'll keep fantasizing about mine! ahhhhhhhh...

 

i've been telling them that we wanted to invite them over but we've been in the middle of remodeling the house so its been a little too upside down to bring guests over. maybe soon when that's done i can & we could just hop in tub (w/ clothes on, etc.) watch some stuff on tv, see what happens. just see how comfortable they seem.

 

hell if we're lucky, maybe swingtown will be back on! "Oooh... honey is this that show we heard about the other day?" how interesting... lets watch. any objections?? he he ;-)

[ncmd_couple 597]

Get Swingtown on DVD, a present from my wife! Good luck!!

 

S

[iapr 24]

There is nothing in your story that says "swinger" to me. Unless there is more to the story, there is nothing that you have written that says to me that they are any more swinger potential that any other vanilla.

 

Vanilla does not mean asexual and swingers do not have the corner on the market for being nice, for flirting a little or even being a little "smitten."

 

Seducing vanilla makes for some good fantacies and good porn movies but is also probably a recipe for drama if not disaster in real life.

 

If think we all see some "signs" of potential swinger in some vanillas but I also see a lot of signs of vanilla in real swingers at swinger clubs so it's probably all a wash.

[TheDeal 117]

We had a similar situation and when our friends found our about us in the LS, we started playing with them. It worked out well in our case, but as others have said... I think the best piece of advice, was how much would it hurt if they were not your friends at all? If you think it's worth the risk...

 

G

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

A few comments in your post stood out to me to make me ask.... is there a work connection to them as well? If so, don't go there.

[bunnyluvn 15]

No... a fun extracurricular activity is what we share in common. I'm self-employed & the way we know them is completely outside of work. They do not work w/ us or for us. I know better than to do that one! That's definately a cardinal rule that we do not mix business w/ pleasure, ever!

[ratimadan 75]

Every vanilla friend is a potential swinger. Just depends upon their outlook to swinging lifestyle, or, swapping mates for sexual fun and intercourse with a partner who is someone other than their own spouse or mate.

[MrkLin 393]

Every vanilla friend is a potential swinger. Just depends upon their outlook to swinging lifestyle, or, swapping mates for sexual fun and intercourse with a partner who is someone other than their own spouse or mate.

 

Ok, playing the devil's advocate here, following this logic, every friend (vanilla or otherwise) is a potential adversary as well, depending, as you said, upon their outlook.

 

That's the whole point everyone is trying to make - you need to decide whether or not you think it's worth losing a friendship (or worse in the case of a coworker) if you're misreading signals, reading something into a situation, or just acting on impulse.

 

Exceptions do exist, but overall, the vast majority of people do not feel the same way most of us do when it comes to having sex with someone other than their partner, whether they're married or not. So if a friend of theirs comes along and suggests doing just that, it's most often seen as a threat to the vanilla's relationship. Think about how many 'jealous husband' stories you read or hear about over the course of a year, and you'll see my point.