Swingers with children...sex education?

[My Next 65 33]

I believe swingers are the most sexually enlighten in our society. You correctly differenciate between love and sex. You understand sexual desires are in our DNA. You have overcome learned inhibitions that ignore that fact. You have reasoned that following the code in our DNA is an advancement in understanding natures design. You see inhibitions and guilt are a stigmatism of those who have not thought deeply enough to understand all that I have said you have learned. And our society passes down generation to generation their lack of knowledge and understanding of what swingers have learned to be true. Sex is not a sin of the flesh.

 

In marriage one does not own the other, it is not a 50/50 relationship where one sacrifices half of themselves to accomodate half of the other. In a marriage we come to know each other well. But perhaps not well enough to in some marriages to get passed the persona we creat in courting, projecting herself as a "Princess" who needs to be cared for and himself as a "Knight in shining armor" who will protect her and her virtues. A good marriage is knowing each other intamately enough to get beyond that persona and realize a relationship is 100/100. We should not have to sacrifice any of who we are to the other.

 

After saying all that, I assume most swinging couples would agree? They would be an advocate of their own views

As swingers, they can accept their spouses desire for sex with someone else as folowing a natural born genetic desire. As play only, fun to temporarily express hot emotions, experience the excitement of sexually stimulated extasy, to enjoy purely physical plesure, the thrill of new adventure, and the devilrey of doing something "naughty" in the face of society.

 

So now the question. Do you in any way, say with a daughter, pass on to her your enlightened views in sexually educating her? Don't say it is up to her to decide. She needs points of view and knowledge to make her decisions. Do you provide her with yours? Young girls are sexually curious and inclined by their hormones to want to have sex. Have you ever thought her run away hormones might result in her giving away her virginity to the first boy who gets his hand under her bra? That her first experience might be three minutes in the back seat of a car. Often sex seems to be love and a factor in young marriages.

 

Don't flame me for this. I remember when condoms were illegal to sell. Even thinking about sex was taboo until after marriage. Now there are sex education classes starting in early grades and condoms are given out in schools.

 

Would you teach her all you have learned about DNA desires, sex vs love, the caring relationship in a marriage and the acceptance of swinging without inhibitation or guilt and the increased enjoyment of life's fun ?

 

Would you feel it proper that she be taught good sex rather than being groped, felt up and advertised as 'easy' and 'puts out' by her 'boyfriends' who then dropped her, maybe get pregnant. Or fall in 'sexual love' and marry for that reason? Would you allow. suggest or arrange for her to have sex with an experienced husband of a swinging couple who would teach her? Would it be good for her later to be escorted to a pary house or club by the couple to experience different men. Do you think that she would use a better criteria in choosing a husband than just sex? Would she better recognize a possisive jealous boyfriend, a possible spouse abuser, a sex plaything for a deadbeat, in selecting a mate with her same libido and other causes of a bad and failed marriages? How would you handle her sex education?

 

As I said, please do not flame me, it is for thought and discussion of others thoughts. I'm told the Myans and Nostrodemus say the world will end in 2012 so don't let this thread upset you.

[kellimc 229]

Why are you just talking about daughters? Boys need sex education too. My brother and I are lucky enough to have been raised by enlightened parents who, by a variety of means, gave us a good sexual education from our early years on.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Wow, I really don't even know where to start here. I was with you up until you asked your question, but then it went off the tracks and eventually careened down the mountain.

 

First point, as the other post asked, why just daughters? If one is so "enlightened" since they have moved beyond society's norm regarding sexual monogamy, I would expect that they would also have moved beyond thinking that males are naturally born knowing all they need to know about sex, but females have to be guided and taught by an experienced male to avoid making all of those mistakes while developing their sexuality.

 

Second, you don't mention whether you yourself are/were a parent and what you did in this regard. Nor do you mention what age we are talking about here, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but you insinuate below age of consent. Honestly, when I see words like "allow, suggest, or arrange" together with discussing adolescent sexuality, call me unenlightened, but the next words that pop in my mind are "illegal, prison, and sex offender registry". If you are talking above legal age, then I don't think too many young adult sons/daughters would find their parents enrolling them in a self-designed sex training crash course to be "taught" good sex by their parents friends something to look forward to.

 

Does the concept of "age appropriate" ring a bell? Parents should talk to their sons/daughters about sex, as appropriate for the age and maturity level. These conversations should be to provide solid information to give them a good frame of reference about what they are feeling and the choices they will need to make sooner or later. Swinging is an adult activity, and therefore in-depth conversations about it would best seem left for adults. You've got to learn to walk before you can run after all. By the time the son/daughter is an adult, how much of your own sexuality you choose to keep private is up to you. It's really none of their business, nor is their's any of your's. If everyone is comfortable with those discussions, then fine, but I don't equate that with being any more or less enlightened. Some people discuss their finances freely and openly with their adult children, some don't say a word and consider it a private matter.

[IvoryTowers 380]

First of all, the desire to reproduce and pass on our genes may be hardwired into our DNA, but none of the rest of what swingers do is. In fact, if we're going to go all scientific, it makes no sense whatsoever for a man to willingly share his wife!

 

Second, swingers are not "the most sexually enlighten in our society. You correctly differenciate between love and sex." Some might be, but you can't generalize like that. Some men might be forcing their wives into swinging. Some women might be seeking better lovers. Some people might have fetishes that they can't satisfy any other way. None of this requires (although it doesn't preclude) deep thought or enlightenment.

 

Third, if I had a child, male or female, I would make sure that child had proper basic information about sex and then I would get out of his/her way. If he/she wanted to ask me questions, fine. But there's no way I'd take a child to a party or "arrange for her to have sex"! That's child abuse.

 

We all have to figure out what works for us, sexually, and we have to make mistakes because sex and love are confusing. Trying to explain the 'right' way to do it to a child will never ever work.

 

I could have been a lot more outraged and biting, but you asked that you not be flamed. However, you need to realize that what you are suggesting is illegal for a reason, appalling (I hope) to everyone else on this board, and based on some faulty assumptions.

[kellimc 229]

If you think teenagers aren't swinging, you are a bit out of touch. They may not be swinging with adults (although some are) but it happens far more than you imagine. My Next 65 actually raised some pretty good and important questions, but he did it in a way that made him sound like some pedo who trolls the malls hitting on 12 yr. old girls.

[sweet_tna 680]

So, what your asking is when it's for "the talk" with my kids, am I gonna' tell 'em that we're swingers and sharing your mate is okay? Or suggest that they find an older, more experienced person to have sex with the first time?

 

Absolutely not. I believe that while teenagers will, invariably have sex, I'm not about to encourage them to swing . . . there's a little matter of age appropriateness. The first things we will talk with them about are the changes their bodies will go through, and how sex "works" (biologically speaking). We'll talk about how it feels, and that NO MEANS NO. They need to have enough respect for themselves to say NO to anything they feel uncomfortable with.

 

As they get older/ask more questions, we'll answer them as they arise. IF they ask, we will tell them the truth about our lifestyle activities. But we will explain to them the how and why of what we do, and make sure they're aware of the risks that we are taking.

 

Of course, YMMV, but you asked . . .

 

=)

[Chicup 42]

First of all, the desire to reproduce and pass on our genes may be hardwired into our DNA, but none of the rest of what swingers do is. In fact, if we're going to go all scientific, it makes no sense whatsoever for a man to willingly share his wife!

 

Second, swingers are not "the most sexually enlighten in our society. You correctly differenciate between love and sex." Some might be, but you can't generalize like that. Some men might be forcing their wives into swinging. Some women might be seeking better lovers. Some people might have fetishes that they can't satisfy any other way. None of this requires (although it doesn't preclude) deep thought or enlightenment.

 

Third, if I had a child, male or female, I would make sure that child had proper basic information about sex and then I would get out of his/her way. If he/she wanted to ask me questions, fine. But there's no way I'd take a child to a party or "arrange for her to have sex"! That's child abuse.

 

We all have to figure out what works for us, sexually, and we have to make mistakes because sex and love are confusing. Trying to explain the 'right' way to do it to a child will never ever work.

 

I could have been a lot more outraged and biting, but you asked that you not be flamed. However, you need to realize that what you are suggesting is illegal for a reason, appalling (I hope) to everyone else on this board, and based on some faulty assumptions.

 

I have to agree with Ivory on this one (though the evolutionary question is interesting, which is the stronger evolutionary tendency for a male, multiple partners or sexual protectionism, that equation, depending on how its written, can fall into swinging).

 

Its rather hard to say 'what if' but I can't imagine if when I was 18 my parents came to me and said 'hey let us set you up with a woman twice your age to teach you sex, shes a partner of ours and her husband approves', what my reaction would be.

 

I'm going to guess 'not good'.

 

No I learned sex the good old fashioned way, fell in love that way, had my lumps that way, learned, found my wife, got married, and then thought of swinging. Swinging any time prior to that would have been bad.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Would you allow. suggest or arrange for her to have sex with an experienced husband of a swinging couple who would teach her? Would it be good for her later to be escorted to a pary house or club by the couple to experience different men.

 

Um... ew. What you are writing smacks of child abuse and more.

 

Might you volunteer to be that experienced man, perhaps?

 

Do you think that she would use a better criteria in choosing a husband than just sex? Would she better recognize a possisive jealous boyfriend, a possible spouse abuser, a sex plaything for a deadbeat, in selecting a mate with her same libido and other causes of a bad and failed marriages? How would you handle her sex education?

 

You might rationalize your thoughts by saying this would be good for the daughter in question, but I doubt you'll find many on this board to condone that train of thought. Suggesting an older sex partner for one's daughter is not a good way to teach her how to choose an appropriate partner.

 

As I said, please do not flame me, it is for thought and discussion of others thoughts.

 

You ask not to be flamed, but it is almost impossible to write even close to what this post makes me think without "flaming" you. What you have written is like walking into a dinner party, throwing motor oil on the food, and then asking the host to consider how it might influence the flavor, but asking him not to be annoyed that you ruined the food.

 

I'm told the Myans and Nostrodemus say the world will end in 2012 so don't let this thread upset you.

 

Oh, that helps! Even if the world were going to end tomorrow, it wouldn't change the content or implications of what you have written. It would still be just as objectionable, regardless of its relative priority. This is the kind of thing someone says when they are trying to get away with something inexcusable by comparing it to something unthinkable.

[ncmd_couple 597]

My Next 65,

 

Well, I’m going to try to answer your post without getting offended, because you punched a few hot buttons with parents, or potential parents. I’m not as old as you are, but, well, I’m trailing a close second. The world that you and I grew up in is a whole lot different than we find ourselves in today.

 

I’m the father of three, two girls, and a boy. The girls are the oldest. My father was a Doctor, and he told me some of the most outrageous BS when I was growing up, even though he knew better. How my ex-wife and I approached this was to give each of the kids age appropriate information in each stage of their growth and understanding. It was always the truth to the best of our knowledge, but we dealt with it as they grew up, evolved, and explored their lives. My wife is the mother of a daughter. We have three granddaughters.

 

The reality, is that each of them has to find their own way. Their own way in life, love, and sex. And all we can do as parents is to give them the best information that we can, the best advice that we can, then they will screw it up just like we did, but what the hell, we gave them the best insight that we could.

 

As it stands today, with all of our kids in their 20s, my son is the only one who knows that we are swingers. We gave them, all 4 of them, the best information that we could at the time that was appropriate. Swinging is not for children, but each set of parents have to decide what each child is ready to handle. And swinging is probably not something a young adult would handle well from a mature adult standpoint. But, kids are a hell of a lot different than you or I were 30 or more years ago. They are more knowledgeable about sex than we were, and they are a lot more open than we were. Their generation will write their own rules. Hopefully, we gave our kids a good foundation to make good decision for themselves. Yeah, they will screw up, just like we did, but that is their path, not ours.

 

S

[TravlParty 87]

Sex education in our household involves open communication - about everything. When your 13 year old asks you what a BJ is, you answer. Group sex is quite common among teens, I've learned.

 

Birth control, STD education, and rape prevention are priority for both girls and boys. The sensual side of sex is also discussed, and how to please a mate. This is the part left out of medically oriented or school taught discussions.

 

Swinging doesn't get discussed until after they're adults, if they even ask. No, I would never introduce my children to the lifestyle or an adult to "teach" them.

[LFM2 1,482]

First of all, the desire to reproduce and pass on our genes may be hardwired into our DNA, but none of the rest of what swingers do is. In fact, if we're going to go all scientific, it makes no sense whatsoever for a man to willingly share his wife!

 

Second, swingers are not "the most sexually enlighten in our society. You correctly differentiate between love and sex." Some might be, but you can't generalize like that. Some men might be forcing their wives into swinging. Some women might be seeking better lovers. Some people might have fetishes that they can't satisfy any other way. None of this requires (although it doesn't preclude) deep thought or enlightenment.

 

Third, if I had a child, male or female, I would make sure that child had proper basic information about sex and then I would get out of his/her way. If he/she wanted to ask me questions, fine. But there's no way I'd take a child to a party or "arrange for her to have sex"! That's child abuse.

 

We all have to figure out what works for us, sexually, and we have to make mistakes because sex and love are confusing. Trying to explain the 'right' way to do it to a child will never ever work.

 

I could have been a lot more outraged and biting, but you asked that you not be flamed. However, you need to realize that what you are suggesting is illegal for a reason, appalling (I hope) to everyone else on this board, and based on some faulty assumptions.

 

[MrkLin 393]

I believe swingers are the most sexually enlighten in our society. You correctly differenciate between love and sex. You understand sexual desires are in our DNA. You have overcome learned inhibitions that ignore that fact. You have reasoned that following the code in our DNA is an advancement in understanding natures design. You see inhibitions and guilt are a stigmatism of those who have not thought deeply enough to understand all that I have said you have learned. And our society passes down generation to generation their lack of knowledge and understanding of what swingers have learned to be true. Sex is not a sin of the flesh. In marriage one does not own the other, it is not a 50/50 relationship where one sacrifices half of themselves to accomodate half of the other. In a marriage we come to know each other well. But perhaps not well enough to in some marriages to get passed the persona we creat in courting, projecting herself as a "Princess" who needs to be cared for and himself as a "Knight in shining armor" who will protect her and her virtues. A good marriage is knowing each other intamately enough to get beyond that persona and realize a relationship is 100/100. We should not have to sacrifice any of who we are to the other.

After saying all that, I assume most swinging couples would agree? They would be an advocate of their own views

As swingers, they can accept their spouses desire for sex with someone else as folowing a natural born genetic desire. As play only, fun to temporarily express hot emotions, experience the excitement of sexually stimulated extasy, to enjoy purely physical plesure, the thrill of new adventure, and the devilrey of doing something "naughty" in the face of society.

So now the question. Do you in any way, say with a daughter, pass on to her your enlightened views in sexually educating her? Don't say it is up to her to decide. She needs points of view and knowledge to make her decisions. Do you provide her with yours? Young girls are sexually curious and inclined by their hormones to want to have sex. Have you ever thought her run away hormones might result in her giving away her virginity to the first boy who gets his hand under her bra? That her first experience might be three minutes in the back seat of a car. Often sex seems to be love and a factor in young marriages.

Don't flame me for this. I remember when condoms were illegal to sell. Even thinking about sex was taboo until after marriage. Now there are sex education classes starting in early grades and condoms are given out in schools.

Would you teach her all you have learned about DNA desires, sex vs love, the caring relationship in a marriage and the acceptance of swinging without inhibitation or guilt and the increased enjoyment of life's fun ?

Would you feel it proper that she be taught good sex rather than being groped, felt up and advertised as 'easy' and 'puts out' by her 'boyfriends' who then dropped her, maybe get pregnant. Or fall in 'sexual love' and marry for that reason? Would you allow. suggest or arrange for her to have sex with an experienced husband of a swinging couple who would teach her? Would it be good for her later to be escorted to a pary house or club by the couple to experience different men. Do you think that she would use a better criteria in choosing a husband than just sex? Would she better recognize a possisive jealous boyfriend, a possible spouse abuser, a sex plaything for a deadbeat, in selecting a mate with her same libido and other causes of a bad and failed marriages? How would you handle her sex education?

As I said, please do not flame me, it is for thought and discussion of others thoughts. I'm told the Myans and Nostrodemus say the world will end in 2012 so don't let this thread upset you.

 

Two things came to mind after reading your post (several times to make sure I got it right.) The first thought was "WTF?" The second thought was; "Is he serious?"

 

After I got over those two thoughts, I read the replies to your thread. Something everyone is forgetting is the fact just about all of us were raised to believe that a monogamous marriage was the right thing to do. (Bear with me whether you believe that way or not.) The overwhelming majority of lifestyle couples practice a monogamous marriage.

 

Did that sink in?

 

Let me try it again - most of us are married to the partner of our dreams, and plan to stay 'faithful' to them - whether we choose to swing or not.

 

Now, you may think that "swingers are the most sexually enlighten in our society," and in many ways they are - but if you think that swinging means 'anything goes,' you're sadly mistaken - especially when it comes to our children.

 

I've been married to Lin for 21 years. We have, between us, 5 kids (3 daughters and 2 sons,) and now 3 grand kids. We raised our kids to believe that sex is something special, only to be shared by two people who are in love with each other, and then after marriage. I know it sounds old fashioned, but I figure if it worked for us, it'll work for them. Guess what? It did. Our three grandchildren come from two of our daughters, and then only after they were married to their husbands for over a year - in both cases. None of our kids have an STD, none are sex offenders because their hormones were repressed as children, none of them have been to prison (or even arrested,) none of them are religious zealots, homeless, on welfare, abused, abusers, alcoholics, druggies, or any other kind of 'victim' you can think of. They are not now, nor have they ever been on Ritalin, Prozac, Valium, or any other drug used in an attempt to control their behavior. Three of them own their own businesses, one has a successful military career, and all of them have made both of us very damned proud of them - and we let them know that. Every one of our kids has gone on to bigger and better things with a lot of love, discipline, and guidance from us - and without us ever mentioning swinging, or anything else of that nature.

 

Teaching your kids about sex IS your job as a parent. We did teach our kids about sex - without pushing them in one way or another. Teaching them how to do the right thing is also your job as a parent. No, we didn't teach them about swinging - just as we didn't teach them about nipple torture, pony training, bestiality, necrophilia, or anything else like that.

 

All of us are forgetting the foundation of swinging - a couple who are secure in the knowledge that each of us are totally committed to one another, love each other above all else, and can openly communicate with one another about anything at all - yet they remain 100% dedicated to their spouses. That's what we taught our kids.

 

I know you said you didn't want to be flamed - well, nobody wants to be flamed. Fair enough. I will tell you, however, that if you came here in an attempt to try to get someone to back you in your desire to cop a 12-year-old's cherry, whether she's your daughter or someone else's, I, for one, will tell you that you came to the wrong place - DNA or no damned DNA.

 

Now if I've read you totally wrong, I apologize. You've hit on a subject that hits every parent right where it hurts the most. You talk about instinct and DNA, then totally ignore the fact that one of the most basic of instincts in every species on the planet is to protect their offspring. Don't believe me? Try to take the baby of any species away from their mother and see what happens. When you've tried that, I'll eagerly reply to what's left of you.

[babycole 105]

I would have to agree with the majority of the posters before me.

 

First of all, NO, I would NOT ever suggest taking any of my children, boys or girls, to a more experienced person to learn about great sex.

 

Age appropriate education on sex will be taught to the best of our abilities at the appropriate times.

 

Questions will be answered honestly and open for discussion as they come about.

 

I don't think as teenagers, we would have been able to understand the concept of non-monogamy. Our life and love experiences at that point in our lives did not allow for us to even fathom the idea of sharing each other without getting jealous. That was something that evolved for us, and discovering it together was a great part of that journey! I wouldn't deny that learning and discovering process from my kids.

 

I think as far as my advice on them finding a good mate. I would hope that I can raise kids who are confident in what they want in love and life and that they will find a good match based upon what they are taught and shown through the love that my husband and I have for each other. I think if they grow up that way, they will be wise enough to apply that to all aspects of their relationship. That they will find partners who compliment them in many ways, including sex. Life is about living and learning, and while it is always tempting to doing things for our kids so they won't make the same mistakes as we did, that also denies them that lesson that we may have learned through those mistakes. Why deny them that? After all, what may work for us with sex, may not be the same things that works for them, right?

[kellimc 229]

I guess my perspective on this issue is a lot different than that of most people in this thread. That may be for a lot of reasons, including the age difference. One thing I just don't understand is how many swingers keep their swinging secret from their children. If you aren't ashamed of what you do and you don't think you are being immoral, why not let them know. I always knew my parents were swingers, even when I didn't fully understand what swinging was. It was never a question of good or bad for me. It was just the way it was and it has always seemed perfectly normal to me.

 

Maybe my mom and dad are freaks or maybe they are enlightened. I guess it all depends on your perspective. One thing I do know is that I don't regret being exposed to sexuality at a younger age and I think in many ways I'm a better person for it. It is good to not have any inhibitions, shame or guilt about sex. I've certainly done things I would not do again and have been in situations I would not want to be in again, but I've never regretted trying those things and I don't feel any shame about doing those things.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Kelli,

 

The decision to tell, or not tell, our children is not driven by shame at what we are doing. We started swing well after all of our kids were adults. My son knows because he was living with us for a short period no too long ago, and quite frankly we didn't want to have to sneak around. You grew up with swinging parents. If we had been swinging when we were raising our kids, that might have changed the situation and our choices.

 

S

[Chicup 42]

I guess my perspective on this issue is a lot different than that of most people in this thread. That may be for a lot of reasons, including the age difference. One thing I just don't understand is how many swingers keep their swinging secret from their children. If you aren't ashamed of what you do and you don't think you are being immoral, why not let them know. I always knew my parents were swingers, even when I didn't fully understand what swinging was. It was never a question of good or bad for me. It was just the way it was and it has always seemed perfectly normal to me.

 

Maybe my mom and dad are freaks or maybe they are enlightened. I guess it all depends on your perspective. One thing I do know is that I don't regret being exposed to sexuality at a younger age and I think in many ways I'm a better person for it. It is good to not have any inhibitions, shame or guilt about sex. I've certainly done things I would not do again and have been in situations I would not want to be in again, but I've never regretted trying those things and I don't feel any shame about doing those things.

 

There are personalities and ages some kids can handle this and others can't.

 

Now I know my parents are not swingers (though I wouldn't be shocked if my father wanted to be one) but if they were I have a sibling that would handle that VERY badly. Its just not in their nature, and it would cause them a lot of distress if they were to know about it.

 

My plan for my children in this is giving them all the information they need to be healthy sexually, being non-judgmental about the options, but not coming out as swingers. They are quite young so who knows, we might not even be swingers at that point, or might be out of the closet. If they ask when they are still too young in my opinion for the answer I will lie, if they are old enough to understand I'll tell the truth.

 

Hell I recall being 12-13ish and watched a show where they had a nude male model (was prime time, no nudity on tv). It really BOTHERED me that this guy would let women see him naked like that, it seemed very wrong. Now I'd happily BE that guy, but back then in my early hormonal messup it just seemed completely wrong. I can't even imagine what my hormonally messed up brain would do if I found out my mother was a swinger and she was going out to have sex with other men besides my father. I'd have been in shock and may have even told relatives trying to get it to stop.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think parents do have the responsibility to be honest with their children about sex. Does that mean that they have to tell them they are swingers? No, no more than they tell them about all the other specifics of what they do in the bedroom. However, I believe it's the parents who try to completely hide sex from their children or give the "it's wrong, don't do it till you are married" approach that do lead to kids having sex too soon and for the wrong reasons. Children should be taught when it's appropriate and what precautions should be taken. But that DOES NOT mean that it should be in person by taking them to or joining them for their first experience. I also don't agree with the idea of putting a girl on birth control the second she is able to reproduce. That doesn't teach responsibility or responsible decision making. Teaching children about sex in an honest way is the same as teaching them about anything in an honest way. Much of learning must be done through experience. Taking your child and introducing them to sex in a way that you feel will be a better experience doesn't allow them to have the experiences that allow them to determine for themselves what actually is a good experience.

[2aussies 51]

We don't have kids, so I'm not really qualified to comment. But isn't part of growing up having less than perfect experiences as well? Those early fumbles when neither of us was quite sure what we were doing has been part of what made me the sex god I am today. Sure, give the kids information. But they're going to have to learn to deal with pitfalls on their own.

[My Next 65 33]

Wow. I knew I was pushing the envelope to its limits when I wrote this thread. There has been a sexual revolution in my lifetime. Condoms were illegal to sell. Sex education was about the birds and bees. 50 years later condoms are given out by public high schools,maybr even jr. high. Kindergarten children are taught about the dangers of pedophiles. Age apporpriately thru the grades answers are given to 'where do babies come from' and later physical info on conception, including accurate drawings of male and female genitalia. I do feel that is a good thing. But kids in my generation were told BS about sex as NCMD Couple said. Everything we were taught created inhibitions about sex. I applaude those of you who told their kids the truth and said that in you reply.

 

Sex education is of course age appropriate. But when appropriate it should include realities. Sexual desires are born. What do you tell a kid when you suddenly observe them masturbating? You assure them (I hope) it is okay, it is natural, they aren't doing anything wrong. . There eventually has to come issues not in school text books. That's where parental education comes in. You as parents need to educate about promiscuity, exceptable behavior, gays as existing, nudism as existing. Things they are going to see in real life and need to be knowledgeable about. Swinging may be the last. But if you believe as I do, what I said in my opening about swingers being enlightened, realizing sexual desires ARE born in us, sex is not love, overcoming societies BS inhibitions and that love and marriage is so, so, so important, are you not lacking in sex educating your child if that is what you believe is important? That describes swinging. There is no need to go into swinging education. Just an explanation that it is something that some people do, like there are nudists and poligimous marriages, and commited relationships without marriage. You don't need to reveal you are in the swinging lifestyle.

 

Kellime is lucky to not have hang-ups or feel guilty or think there is anything not normal about couples swinging. That is something that YOU have to believe if you are reading this! She grew up knowing that. You came to that conclusion after a lot of thinking and thats what YOU came up with. As NCMD admitted about sexual education, if he was raised in Kellime's situation, he might have had a different outlook on what he taught his children.

 

I have read so many threads about how happy a couple is about their first swinging experience and so many long time swingers threads about the thrill of hot sex experiences. Is it so wrong for you to educate your child about what you yourself think is the prefered sexual activity in your life second only to making love to your spouse? Is it wrong to flatly believe there is nothing to be learned about what is important in a marriage by looking for the things that matter most in choosing a lifetime love by having sexual experiences that relogates sex to just play?

 

Maybe introducing them to a couple who will open the door to what you yourself have discovered is coming with the progression of sexual attitudes in a future time. I think from what Kellime wrote she felt about swinging, she would have accepted that as an opportunity.

 

To those few who answered this thread by expressing your thoughts about sex education, thank you. To those who called me a pedo and think it was about a perverted desire to pop a 12 year old cherry......well I don't give a damn about hearing your tirade. You just made a thread smutty. It was a thread for thought about your lifstyle and if you think you want your age approperate child to see sex as you do and would perhaps show them a pathway. I have no children and no opinion, I just expressed what I think is in line with what considerations a swinger would use in guiding them using their outlook about their own choice of lifstyle.

[2aussies 51]

I'm very uneasy about this whole thing about introducing children to sex by getting the husband of a swinging couple to "initiate" her. Where do we draw the line on sex education? You could argue that by letting your kids watch you and your wife have sex that is educating them. How did you (The OP) learn about sex? Think of this as if it were teaching them about finance. You'd give them what knowledge you had, but then they, when they were of an age, they would have to deal with the real world on their own. That's how I learnt about sex, and about money. And a lot more.

[MrkLin 393]

To those who called me a pedo and think it was about a perverted desire to pop a 12 year old cherry......well I don't give a damn about hearing your tirade. You just made a thread smutty. It was a thread for thought about your lifstyle and if you think you want your age approperate child to see sex as you do and would perhaps show them a pathway. I have no children and no opinion, I just expressed what I think is in line with what considerations a swinger would use in guiding them using their outlook about their own choice of lifstyle.

 

Please go back and re-read my post - especially the last paragraph, in which I said, "Now if I've read you totally wrong, I apologize." I never called you a pedo, and only presented "copping a 12-year-old's cherry" as hypothetical in nature.

 

The reason was because of your presentation. I think it's one thing to talk to kids about swinging, and quite another to try to include them in it - especially if they're minors. The way you presented the topic, it sounded like that's what you were advocating. As a father, I was outraged by the thought.

 

Now, as I said - if I was wrong in that interpretation, I do apologize.

 

I will not, however, apologize for my position on the subject. What consenting adults do behind closed doors is, simply put, nobody's business. When someone introduces a child into the equation, however, it's an entirely different case.

[IvoryTowers 380]

Okay, I'm going to try one more time and then I'm going to abandon this thread in disgust. Also, I'd suggest you preview and edit your posts (and add paragraphs) because part of the problem people are having is just understanding what you are saying.

 

1. Sex is not simply a matter of DNA and desire. It is bound up in the needs and norms of society. You say condoms were illegal when you were young and now they are handed out in HS. Why? The needs and norms of the society changed. It is the job of parents to make children aware of these norms so they can grow up IN society (they'll reject it later on their own).

 

2. You need to understand that the thing that upset everyone was your suggestion that a swinging parent take his child (daughter, in your version) to a swing club, or hand her over to a swinging friend for experience. Here's what's wrong with that. It is forcing sexuality on your child. You give your child information, not experiences!

 

3. I want to address this point: " I have read so many threads about how happy a couple is about their first swinging experience and so many long time swingers threads about the thrill of hot sex experiences. Is it so wrong for you to educate your child about what you yourself think is the prefered sexual activity in your life second only to making love to your spouse? Is it wrong to flatly believe there is nothing to be learned about what is important in a marriage by looking for the things that matter most in choosing a lifetime love by having sexual experiences that relogates sex to just play?"

 

Several flaws in your argument here. First, swinging is not THE preferred sexual experience, but the one that is working for them now. Earlier in life they may have preferred monogamy. Maybe later on they'll prefer poly. We change, we evolve. You can't assume that swinging is best for every person at every stage of his or her life.

 

Second, you seem to believe (again, hard to tell because this passage is written so poorly) that sex is one of or the most important thing in a marriage. Wrong. It's great, but it hardly beats out trust and respect and love. I'd teach children about those first.

 

4. Final point, using my personal history. I'm into BDSM, a kink I always knew about but only started seriously exploring in the last year. Exploring this has enriched my sex life (and Mr. Ivory's) a great deal. Does this mean that my parents should have introduced me to BDSM? God no! Does this mean that my sex life in my 20s and 30s was bad? Absolutely not! It was great and now it's off the charts, but frankly, I don't know if I could have handled BDSM play earlier in my life.

 

My point is that many of us came to swinging after establishing a strong happy relationship, after being happy with monogamous sex. You can't assume that all children want to or should be swingers, any more than you could assume that they all want to or should be poly, or parents, or anything at all.

 

I've gone on at great length and I apologize for not being able to shorten this. I'm not good at pithy (that's Mr. Ivory). But I hope at least some of these points made sense.

[LFM2 1,482]

To go off topic a little, I'm very curious where the OP grew up so I could understand where condoms were illegal? Italy? Germany? Ireland? I know it was illegal to advertise them, but to actually buy them? Wow -- I had no idea!! Not saying it wasn't so, but just really curious.

 

I've thoroughly read this train wreck of a thread, and even though I had a helluva time reading the OP's thoughts (please use paragraphs) I think I have to agree with just about everyone above. I apologize in advance if I didn't understand something.

 

I've raised three adult children without blocking their sexual education. They were NOT taught about sex in high school and condoms were NOT available to them unless they went to a district health office. It was OUR responsibility to educate our children about sex and it was open discussion in our house. Believe me when I say it was always discussed. They know about our toy box and they know their parents are a bit "out of this world". Questions were ALWAYS answered honestly and they have all grown into wonderful adults who enjoy sex. They are old enough now to make their own decisions about sex, and if they wanted to talk about sexual experiences, fine by us. Sometimes TMI, but as good parents do, we listen.

 

The Swingers Board website is pretty much always up on my laptop and I don't hide my laptop. It's either on my kitchen table, on the livingroom ottoman, chair, where ever. I've got my youngest two still living at home with us. It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to find it on our computer. There is an icon on our toolbar and one on my desktop. If they have questions, fine. While we are open to talking about sex with our kids, we don't share what our sex life is like. To our kids, that's a TMI, anyway and I know they prefer not to know anything about it.

 

Would I ever introduce our kids to the swinging lifestyle? No. Our oldest child knows about our swinging lifestyle. I wouldn't be surprised if the other two know about it, too. Our one daughter who does know accepts our lifestyle, but she still can't wrap her head around how we can share partners without jealousy or wanting to rip the hair out of our spouses partner. It's totally incomprehensible to her. It's a matter of maturity with her, and she's not mature enough to understand, just like we weren't at her age. We lived monogamously for twenty-two years. We started exploring swinging a few years ago and have found that it highly enriched our marriage and the way we communicate. Even though that's a plus to us, our kids can't understand how having sex with others can make our marriage better. They may never understand and that's OK.

 

When the OP talks about having a daughter meet a sex partner, it sounds as if the parent is pimping her out. Like many have mentioned, sounds illegal and against her will.

 

In summary, I have no problem teaching my kids about sex education. I refuse to include our lifestyle in that conversation. If we didn't participate in this lifestyle, I still wouldn't bring it up.

[My Next 65 33]

One thing I agree with all of you about is my poor ability to write so it is more understandable. I type AS I am thinking going off one way to make a point then to another that doesn't seem relavent and it is a jumbled mess to you. In my disorganized mind, which you can't read, I connect all the dots. What I mean to convey is very often not written so you understand. Much of the time I assume things to be understood. Never thought I would have to cover all the bases, that I should have to rule out pedo or illegal or 12 yr olds or make clear age appropriate would need to be said. Assume made an ass out of me. For these shortcomings leading to your conclusions, I do apologize.

[My Next 65 33]

My idea of what needs to be taught by parents is that sex is a natural emotional desire that doesn't need to be repressed. (dictonary: affected by psychianalytic repression). Repression (dictionary: the process by which unacceptable desires or impulses are excluded from consciousness and thus being denied direct satisfaction are left to operate in the unconscious). Sex is not an unacceptable desire. Sex as unacceptable is taught. That definines teaching inhibition and causes guilt in recognizing a natural desire.

Taught that sex is a different emotion than love. The word 'making love' should not be a word used for having sex.

Taught that sex, not bring unacceptable, is in fact a very enjoyable thing to experience. It causes receptors in our brain to stimulate excitement. Excitement in abundance is thrill. It releases chemicals in our body that result in stimulating pleasures.

Knowing sex is not love, that there should be no inhibition or guilt at experiencing it. And having sex is a wonderfully exciting, thrilling and very pleasurable activity to be enjoyed leaves only one thing to be learned. That some people find sex with others than their spouse to be a very rewarding addition to their enjoyment of the fun of sex.

Now assume that proprity in conduct, the importance of love and trust in marriage and all those important things I may not have mentioned are impressed on their mind. It seems to me that if you as a swinger believe it is a good thing, that it is something you are happy you discovered, that you would want them to discover it too. If you could somehow, over time, be responsible for them learning it is an acceptable, normal, shameless, guilt free and fun lifestyle, would you not want to do that? If it is good for you, why not introduce them to the secret? That is my only question.

[TNT 1,155]

Okay, I finally have enough time to reply to this thread.

 

Sex education in children is very important. When the time came that our children started asking questions. We DID NOT want any of them to think that sex was bad or dirty. The information we imparted to them was all age appropriate.

 

As they became teenagers, we insisted that they watch certain programs that dealt with different lifestyles...including gays, transgendered, transsexuals, polyagamy, polyamory...etc. We felt it was important that they had a well rounded view and that there really was no right or wrong type of lifestyle. We'd watch the program with them and discuss what we watched.

 

When our girls started going out on dates, they were told exactly what a boy wanted....it was a running joke around here with them..."Yes mother, we know, there isn't enough blood in the world to fill up two heads at once".

 

We tried our best to be open and honest with our children and give them the information we felt they needed. That however, does not mean that we encouraged them to have sex or practice any type of alternative lifestyle...that is their decision. Our job was to make sure if they did choose to have sex, they knew the risks, knew how to be safe and knew that no meant no. The rest, they could/can learn on their own, just like everyone else did...through the natural progression of experience.

 

It was a thread for thought about your lifstyle and if you think you want your age approperate child to see sex as you do and would perhaps show them a pathway. I have no children and no opinion, I just expressed what I think is in line with what considerations a swinger would use in guiding them using their outlook about their own choice of lifstyle.

 

You as parents need to educate about promiscuity, exceptable behavior, gays as existing, nudism as existing. Things they are going to see in real life and need to be knowledgeable about. Swinging may be the last. But if you believe as I do, what I said in my opening about swingers being enlightened, realizing sexual desires ARE born in us, sex is not love, overcoming societies BS inhibitions and that love and marriage is so, so, so important, are you not lacking in sex educating your child if that is what you believe is important?

 

Interesting...you have no children yet, you feel this is the way swinging parents should raise their children? Each parent will raise their child the best way they see fit, regardless of what anyone else says, thinks or feels...sometimes they'll get it right, sometimes they'll get it wrong. The important thing is they do the best they can.

 

 

Teresa

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

. . . If you could somehow, over time, be responsible for them learning it is an acceptable, normal, shameless, guilt free and fun lifestyle, would you not want to do that? If it is good for you, why not introduce them to the secret? That is my only question.

Children don't really know what they want and adults have to shield them long enough to get to the point where they can make a reasoned decision. I thank my parents for not trying to bend me to everything they believed. They gave me a basic set of values and protected me from the really bad stuff and that was enough.

 

~Michael

[lustylearning 705]

I believe we should educate our children in age appropriate and responsible ways. I would never, ever, ever try to have my child sexually educated, in a physical sense, by anyone! I agree that that is a form of child abuse as well as sexual abuse.

 

My hope is that when my children have reached the point of wanting to be sexually active, they will know enough to make informed decisions - period, end of story. To provoke sexual development unnecessarily is anathema to me. There is such a thing as overexposure, and it's our job as parents to protect, as well as educate.

[ncmd_couple 597]

TNT,

 

"The Next 65" is 65 years old, or at least that is what I remember from his introduction post.

 

S

[kellimc 229]

I'm having a hard time believing there are so many hypocritical, repressed, repressive, selfish and out of touch parents in a swinger forum. Nobody condones rape, but most of you are in complete denial about your kids and what they want and what they are doing.

[TNT 1,155]

TNT,

 

"The Next 65" is 65 years old, or at least that is what I remember from his introduction post.

 

S

 

Yes, I figured as much from his screen name. My point in questioning the fact that he has no children was....it's easy for those who have never had children and/or don't have children yet to say what they think is the best way to raise them..or how they would raise them. Once you have children it's a totally different story. Children don't come with an instruction manual...we all do the best we can, sometimes we hit a home run, sometimes we strike out.

 

 

Teresa

[TNT 1,155]

I'm having a hard time believing there are so many hypocritical, repressed, repressive, selfish and out of touch parents in a swinger forum. Nobody condones rape, but most of you are in complete denial about your kids and what they want and what they are doing.

 

 

I'm not sure I understand you statement.

 

From what I've read, most parents seem to try and educate they children to the best of their ability. If they don't believe in taking their son or daughter to a swinger's club to have someone "teach them what good sex is about" I see nothing wrong with that. Our children know their father and I are swingers...we do not however, discuss this with them for the main fact, OUR sex life is none of their business...any more than their sex lives, as adults, is none of ours.

 

They've been given the facts of life to the best of our ability, what they do with them is their choice.

 

 

Teresa

[ncmd_couple 597]

Kellimc,

 

Well, you aren't a parent yet, but I got a chuckle out of your last post. Parents, and I admit that I am also, are generally out of touch with their kids after a certain point. An affect of the kids growing up and developing thier own private lives and not knowing after a certain point where their kids are at. Not a good thing, but I was really pissed when my daughter was born and she didn't come with an owner's manual! All we had to start with is what we learned from our parents. To our credit, I think we did a lot better job than our parents did. You, in the next generation, get to take your crack at doing better. I hope you do! Good luck!

 

S

[lustylearning 705]

most of you are in complete denial about your kids and what they want and what they are doing.

 

I am, likewise, confused. How did you draw that conclusion?

[Chicup 42]

I'm having a hard time believing there are so many hypocritical, repressed, repressive, selfish and out of touch parents in a swinger forum. Nobody condones rape, but most of you are in complete denial about your kids and what they want and what they are doing.

 

A statement like this requires elaboration, otherwise its just an insult.

 

So please, elaborate.

[rpu3 630]

I'm having a hard time believing there are so many hypocritical, repressed, repressive, selfish and out of touch parents in a swinger forum. Nobody condones rape, but most of you are in complete denial about your kids and what they want and what they are doing.

 

 

Oh, to be 21 again and have all the answers! Along with my 21 year old body. Sigh.

 

Seriously, being judgmental and insulting rarely helps in making one's point. What is it about so many of the previous posters' take on their sex education choices that's "repressed", "repressive", "hypocritical", "selfish" or "out of touch" to you? These are rather harsh and loaded words and I for one would like to understand how you got there.

[MrkLin 393]

I'm having a hard time believing there are so many hypocritical, repressed, repressive, selfish and out of touch parents in a swinger forum. Nobody condones rape, but most of you are in complete denial about your kids and what they want and what they are doing.

 

Not at all, Kelli - nobody's denying anything about our kids' wants or what they're doing. Actually, it's completely the opposite - we're not forcing our views on them.

 

We may find swinging to be the absolute best thing in the world for our relationship - but are we justified in pushing our children to not only agree with us, but to participate with us as well?

 

You've obviously been exposed to the lifestyle from a young age - ok, that's fine. Now let's turn the tables a bit - what if your parents were strict Catholic? Would you feel the same way about swinging? What if they were Mormon? What if they were total slobs and just didn't give a damned?

 

What 99.9% of us are advocating is just leaving our kids alone and letting them be kids. When they get to the age where they're asking questions, we answer them to the best of our ability. We teach them as we go, and we all learn in the process. What I refuse to do is try to push my sexuality (or my spirituality) upon my kids. You like swinging - you know 50 people who think it's abhorrent. It's my job as a parent to educate my kids - it's not my job to indoctrinate them - whether that be introducing them to the lifestyle or sending them off to military school.

 

In the same way I refuse to inflict my spirituality upon you, I refuse to inflict my sexuality on my children - no matter how old they are.

 

I don't see that as a form of repression. Repression means to me a denial of their basic human right to be human - sexual beings or otherwise. I never repressed my kids - I gave them the facts, we talked about it, and they were free to make up their own minds from there on.

 

Now, I really don't know whether or not my kids swing - I don't really care. I am, however, safe in the knowledge that if they do, they came to that conclusion on their own - without pressure in one way or another, from me. If they swing, they did so of their own free will, and I didn't influence them in any way.

 

Freedom of choice - isn't that what it's all about?

[Nitati 28]

Be warned: This will be a long one.

 

Okay... as someone who's young AND a parent, let me just say that the idea of parents introducing their young daughters to another couple for sexual initiation is ridiculous & antiquated. It also assumes that the girls (I'm thinking the OP meant the 16-18yr old range?) are "innocent", or "pure", or "virginal". Let me be the first to tell you that this is FAR from the case of young people today. They are having 3somes, 4somes, moresomes, and swinging as well (though they don't fully know or understand the names for these things). They are having straight sex, bi-sex, gay sex... in the bathrooms and stairwells at their high schools, or at the mall. They're also doing it in their parents' homes or at their friends' homes. They are drinking & doing many other expirimental drugs that I never even knew existed when I was in high school. This is the modern-day reality of what goes on with teenagers here in the U.S.

 

As someone who used to volunteer for Planned Parenthood and still works with teenagers on a daily basis, I can't even begin to tell you how many 14-19 year olds, mostly girls, were being seen & treated for STD's. It was eye opening, and scary, and it amazes me still how many parents DO teach their kids to "save it until marriage" while never realizing what's going on when their little Lisa goes to Maria's house for a sleepover. More often than not, sex is definitely involved. Heck, our high school's pageant queen was notorious for advocating maintaining vaginal virginity by having anal sex instead. She was quite serious about it... and always gave speeches about "saving it 'til marriage".

 

 

Now, with that said.... I want you to know that I will fight fiercely to teach my girls that the world is a wonderfully beautiful yet frightening & scary place. I want to answer all of their questions to the best of my ability however keeping the explanations age-appropriate. Age-appropriate means no dirty details unless/until they're old enough to both ask for AND understand them. I hope that I will be able to appropriately judge this because for all intents & purposes, I plan on being fully involved in their lives.

 

I think that only someone who isn't a parent could ever think that something like what the OP is suggesting would be okay. I myself have stated recently that I'd have problems deflowering a 19 year old male and sending him back to his parents' house afterward... and I'm only 27!!! Things like that are just generally considered as morally wrong in our society & culture. Perhaps in some minor culture in a foreign land one could find people who find this sort of thing as an acceptable practice. But I honestly doubt it. Remember the couple who were arrested for having sex in front of their daughter to "educate" her? Or the big stink about that religious sect in TX with all those young moms & pregnant teenaged girls? Even in countries with cultures where they still practice arranged marriages, I don't imagine they are sending their daughters to be sexually trained (in fact, some of them routinely practice female circumcision so that their daughters aren't sexualized at all!).

 

I can understand how the fantasy of something like this could be appealing... particularly to an older, childless male. But the reality of it? It could potentially scar the young girl forever. We parents tread a really fine line because everything we say or do has the potential to either help or harm our children. Being open & honest is far better than being restricting liars. But almost all parents try their best to bring their kids up right, to the best of their ability. I only hope that my kids turn out as well as some of the other posters have said theirs have... I want what's best for them, sure... but I also want them to find out what's best for them on their own & in their own way.

[ncmd_couple 597]

They are having 3somes, 4somes, moresomes, and swinging as well (though they don't fully know or understand the names for these things). They are having straight sex, bi-sex, gay sex... in the bathrooms and stairwells at their high schools, or at the mall. They're also doing it in their parents' homes or at their friends' homes. They are drinking & doing many other expirimental drugs that I never even knew existed when I was in high school. This is the modern-day reality of what goes on with teenagers here in the U.S.

 

Nitati,

 

My oldest daughter turns 29 Monday. As a parent, I knew that there was a lot going on, generally what was going on, but no details. What I found out was from my son because he would come to me to talk and we had some very frank discussions. The girls went to their Mom. And really, all I could do is answer his questions honestly, cross my fingers, and pray that what we had taught each of them was enough.

 

S

[LFM2 1,482]

I'm having a hard time believing there are so many hypocritical, repressed, repressive, selfish and out of touch parents in a swinger forum. Nobody condones rape, but most of you are in complete denial about your kids and what they want and what they are doing.

 

You paint that conclusion with a pretty wide brush. How did you come to that conclusion?

 

I do have to ask though -- I was looking at your profile here; how can you be 21 and have a swinging history of 8 yrs? Did you really start swinging at the age of 13 and does that have anything to do with the way you answer here?

[IvoryTowers 380]

let me just say that the idea of parents introducing their young daughters to another couple for sexual initiation is ridiculous & antiquated. It also assumes that the girls (I'm thinking the OP meant the 16-18yr old range?) are "innocent", or "pure", or "virginal". Let me be the first to tell you that this is FAR from the case of young people today.

 

Absolutely!!! I think that understanding is the reason that I and other posters responded so badly to The Next 65's original post. We know that 16-18 year old are, if not actively engaged in sex, then well aware of it. So we assumed he was talking about girls young enough to really be innocent, virginal and unaware (like another poster, I immediately thought of a 12 year old). And 12 is too young to be having sex.

 

I don't think 12 year olds are mature enough to handle sex, although they should have correct basic information (I don't think 12 year olds should drink or have full time jobs, but they should also understand what these things are. Information and practice are very different). And even if there is a 12 year old mature enough to handle it, I don't think it would hurt her (or him, since I don't think 12 year old boys should be having sex either) to wait a few years!

 

So to review. Most posters on this thread have felt that children who are too young to explore sex on their own shouldn't be introduced to sex by mommy and daddy's swinging friends. Most people understand that teenagers need factually correct information and at least one adult who will answer questions truthfully. Most believe that swinging is something based in a loving, committed adult relationship that has already stood the test of time (otherwise, I believe we just call it 'dating' or 'casual sex' both of which teens already do).

 

So teenagers can get solid information and advice from their parents, and this will allow them to experiment safely (I'm still boggled by the original post's presentation of young sexuality, which would require a whole 'nother post to correct). Some may become swingers. Some may become poly. Some may be gay or transgendered, or submissive, or foot fetishists, or *gasp* vanilla! What matters is that whatever they are drawn to, they feel they can turn to their parents for advice and support. NOT DEMONSTRATIONS!

 

Okay, really really last time I post on this thread.

[2aussies 51]

Nitati, as I've stated here, we have never had kids, and never will. If we do, I will sue my surgeon. But from my experience I agree with everything you said. I do have to say, though, it's tough for kids. From about 12 years old boys have all these hormones rushing around in their bodies, I remember jerking off and then being ready again about 5 minutes later, but it was about 7 years before I had sex with another person. I'm not advocating children as young as 12 having sex, but let's recognise they're exposed to a lot of sexual content on TV and in books and magazines, and boys - and maybe girls, I don't know, I was never one - are jerking off and having fantasies. That's reality.

[kellimc 229]

I was in the middle of a very long response to all of the people who asked me to explain my earlier comments. In the middle of it I realized that no matter what I write, I will not convince anyone to see things the way I do. My history, experiences and opinions are obviously so different from those of most of the people in this thread that we will never understand each other. You have your views and I have mine. Let's just leave it that way.

[Chicup 42]

I was in the middle of a very long response to all of the people who asked me to explain my earlier comments. In the middle of it I realized that no matter what I write, I will not convince anyone to see things the way I do. My history, experiences and opinions are obviously so different from those of most of the people in this thread that we will never understand each other. You have your views and I have mine. Let's just leave it that way.

 

Never stops me.

 

If you can back up your convictions you should never be afraid to share them.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

 

So teenagers can get solid information and advice from their parents, and this will allow them to experiment safely (I'm still boggled by the original post's presentation of young sexuality, which would require a whole 'nother post to correct). Some may become swingers. Some may become poly. Some may be gay or transgendered, or submissive, or foot fetishists, or *gasp* vanilla! What matters is that whatever they are drawn to, they feel they can turn to their parents for advice and support. NOT DEMONSTRATIONS!

 

Okay, really really last time I post on this thread.

 

We are currently raising 2 teenage sons, 17 & 15, and a daughter, 8. Obviously we have and continue to have sex education discussions with our boys.

 

If they choose to become swingers at some point in their life, I hope that they are in the same place we are - strong and secure in a solid relationship that is ready to explore. But at this age, talk about swinging? Don't think so. Will we tell them? Nope, not for a long, long time.

 

Not only will we not tell them, I don't care if it's our sons or daughter, in no way would we ever consider having someone experienced "teach" them. Looking back at my own life (Mrs. NC), what difference would it have made? I had sex at 15. Nope, wouldn't have changed a thing.

 

It's the relationship and commitment that my husband and I have after knowing each other for 19 years to even consider the thought of swinging.

 

Teenagers are not only sexually curious, most are active, even if they believe they are still virgins because they have only experienced "oral" or "anal" sex - many these days feel this is not "sex".

 

Bottom line - educate them about sex. Just because they have, or may have, multiple partners, does not make them swingers. And they shouldn't be encouraged one way or the other. Just educate with facts, hormones, STD's, etc.

[athenagirl 36]

I don't think parents should feel bad about not letting their children know they are swingers. Frankly, I don't think it's anyone's business what someone does behind closed doors: especially one's child! (I'd have been horrified if I'd learned my parents were swingers! I'm just sayin').

 

And the idea of "training" or "educating" a child to delve into the lifestyle is just plain wrong: as another poster said, the words, "jail" and "sex offender registry" spring to mind.

 

To me, the healthiest thing is to educate children about sex and love without investing yourself too much into that child's sexuality.

[ncmd_couple 597]

I was in the middle of a very long response to all of the people who asked me to explain my earlier comments. In the middle of it I realized that no matter what I write, I will not convince anyone to see things the way I do. My history, experiences and opinions are obviously so different from those of most of the people in this thread that we will never understand each other. You have your views and I have mine. Let's just leave it that way.

 

Kelli,

 

Our experiences are very different from yours, because we are parents, having held that tiny child in our hands when they were born, then watching them grow up, and doing our best to inform them and guide them to not make the same mistakes that we did. Your views, well, ours are 20x20 hindsight to us. Different than yours, but we have our own perspective. You are living now what we did, different world, different history, don't ignore our experience because it does not match with yours.

 

S

[interested-05 135]

unfortunaly there are some societies who feel parental responsibilty is to initiate kids into sex, before they have a chance to grow up. Ancient greece is one example of a society that thought molesting kids was ok.

Not me and certainly not this society. Unfortunately their are some, who would have it legalized, aka the man-boy love society. Most child molesters, molest the children of relatives or people they know well, regardless of whether the parents know and approve or not. Then they blame the kid, claiming the kid pushed them into it. Bull shit.

Sure priests were caught doing it and school teachers too. A molester is a molester, and i was getting the drift from your post, that kids need to learn early.

Sure things have changed with each generation, but a lot of that change has been due to daily exposure from every source imaginable. I mean how old were you when you first saw sex on tv or even exposed to some form of "girly" magazine, as they called it in your day.

Today, kids are being exposed to sex everywhere before they are old enough to play with themselves. Kids havent changed, society has. Let us hope that kids can have at least time to grow up, before they get molested by some geezer, trying to teach them.

[rpu3 630]

I was in the middle of a very long response to all of the people who asked me to explain my earlier comments. In the middle of it I realized that no matter what I write, I will not convince anyone to see things the way I do. My history, experiences and opinions are obviously so different from those of most of the people in this thread that we will never understand each other. You have your views and I have mine. Let's just leave it that way.

 

I don't think it's a matter of convincing or conversion from one's personal viewpoint to your personal viewpoint.

 

I for one was interested in a potential followup because you concluded the majority of the posters to be selfish and narrow and repressed and I don't know how you got to that very broad judgment. What you are asking to "leave that way" is your stated judgment on the posters on this Board for sharing their convictions and viewpoints while yours remain hidden and not subject to the same scrutiny and judgment you've passed on others.

 

If you have a viewpoint and you want to share it to stimulate discussion and expose others to a different point of view, then I'd hope you'd do so. If you don't, that's your choice too. It seems to be a theme for the thread - choice.