Running into someone you know at swinger night at local bar

[cyfun98 15]

Hi,

The Mrs. and I were thinking of going to one of the "alternative nights" which are held occasionally here at a local bar in Connecticut. We are not swingers but want to do some flirtatious dirty dancing in an atmosphere where it will not be looked down upon.

 

We are afraid of running into someone we may know. We have been in the area all of our lives (late 40's) and know many people. Of course we think no one from our close inner circle of friends would be there but you never know. We think it could put us in an awkward position. Do people generally not bring up meetings outside of these events? We dont want to run into someone and then worry about seeing them in a "regular" situation.

Thanks,

Cyfun

[IvoryTowers 380]

While we've never met anyone we know at a swinger club, this is our thinking. If someone sees US at a swinger's event, it's because they are AT a swinger's event.

 

If it is someone you don't know well, you can just politely pretend not to see each other. If it is a friend, you should be able to talk and laugh about it. That's what friends are for.

[Begood03 15]

I say do what makes you happy. You shouldn't have live your life worried about what others may think. IMO

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

If you see them there, then they are there TOO! Say hello and treat them as you would if you ran into them anywhere. Of course, next time you see them in vanilla life you don't want to say "hey how was your time at such and such?". Basically, treat them how you'd want to be treated (you want discretion, so you have to give it). But, just running into someone.... it won't be any more awkward for you than you make it.

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

Being concerned about what other people think is giving them power over your lives. This topic comes up quite a bit, and the standard response is as IvoryTowers suggests.

[knb2004 364]

When we first told our vanilla neighbors we were swingers, one of the biggest questions they had was "What if you run into your BOSS at one of those parties?!??"

 

As Julie so wisely put it, our response to that question was, "Well, it would mean they're there, too, and that we have something in common." Simply put, I wouldn't spend a millisecond worrying about it.

[MrkLin 393]

We bumped into a couple we knew at an on-premise swing club one day, and they have become our best swing friends - and you, we've played together numerous times.

 

I was standing at the bar of the club, ordering a drink, when I heard a familiar voice off to my left, by the main entrance. I looked over and saw a lady I had worked with for two years and her husband. After we all got over the initial, "Oh my God - you two swing?" moment, we sat at the table together and talked things over. We had no concerns about them being discrete - I had know her for 2 years, after all, and had no Idea they were swingers. We all hit it off right away (I knew I would get along with her, and had secretly lusted after her for as long as I had known her,) and we have been great lifestyle friends ever since. Heh - by shear coincidence, I now work with her again, although she is in a completely different office. We see each other for about 10-15 minutes every day, and our 'extra-curricular activities' are never discussed there.

 

If you do happen to bump into someone you know, don't run the other way screaming. If you like them in vanilla life, walk up to them and greet them warmly. You never know - they might just turn into great lifestyle friends. They'll probably have a lot more experience in the lifestyle than you have, so they would be the perfect couple to ask questions of.

 

Overall, I'd say don't worry about it. If it happens, it happens - turn it to your advantage by becoming better friends with them.

[cyfun98 15]

Thanks for the advise. As we originally stated, we have not done any swinging and were looking to do dirty dancing. The boss comments are interesting. In the back of my mind I am worrying about seeing someone from my professional life but if we do then maybe it is a chance to turn it into a positive.

[sexylady1970 69]

Only recently we ran into two couples we know professionally in vanilla life. Nothing has changed and we all realized we had something in common that we did not know previously. Just laugh it off and remember, they are there too.

[JoeB 17]

Before we were married, my now wife went to her first party. There was a guy she went to high school and the copier repair man!

[MrkLin 393]

We bumped into a couple we knew at an on-premise swing club one day, and they have become our best swing friends - and you, we've played together numerous times.

 

Man - I was guilty of PWI the night I posted this. I meant everything I said, but the part in the above quote that are in bold font should have said, "...and yes," NOT, "...and you."

 

My apologies to everyone involved.

[ViSexual 1,008]

OK, on these lines..., how many people do you know that you'd love to see at a swinger's event?

 

I was thinking about that as I read these posts and have already thought of several couples.

[MrkLin 393]

I work with the public, and the number of women I see on a daily basis that I would love to bump into at a swing club is impossible to count. As far as people we know are concerned, there are three or four couples we'd love to accidentally meet at a swing club. Others we know, however - well, one or two of them would be just downright scary...

[JoCoCpl 99]

At a local club, my wife and I ran into a man that used to attend the same church we used to go to. She knew him for many years before we met. While awkward at first, she soon was comfortable with the idea. So comfortable in fact that she did him during our next visit. :-)

[ctpiercedpair 15]

Hi,

The Mrs. and I were thinking of going to one of the "alternative nights" which are held occasionally here at a local bar in Connecticut. We are not swingers but want to do some flirtatious dirty dancing in an atmosphere where it will not be looked down upon.

 

We are afraid of running into someone we may know. We have been in the area all of our lives (late 40's) and know many people. Of course we think no one from our close inner circle of friends would be there but you never know. We think it could put us in an awkward position. Do people generally not bring up meetings outside of these events? We dont want to run into someone and then worry about seeing them in a "regular" situation.

Thanks,

Cyfun

 

hey there neighbors!.. we live just outside of hartford. are you talking about leisure time? i would not worry about running into anyone. like everyone else has said.. if they are also there.. what are you worried about? plus the croud at l/t is great. we have been going there for a couple years now and have always had a great time, no pressure just relax and have as much fun as you are comfortable with. if you would like email us or im us and we can chat and see if we can help you out with any other questions you have.

[LFM2 1,482]

We were at a M&G last Saturday night. A friend of ours works for the state as an auditor. He happened to audit one of the women (the company she works for) who was at this M&G. He damned near freaked out. I told him she was at this little event, too. "She's obviously here because she's a SWINGER, too!!" That seemed to help and they chatted and laughed at the coincidence. It was all good.

[TheMiddleDoor 68]

I've run into my high school english teacher at a party once...

 

we've also had 3 separate couples come to the party once..all 3 of the guys were maine state troopers in the same unit..no one knew the others were coming.

 

we've had people come from 3 states away, specifically so that they didn't meet people they knew..run into their next door neighbor, who was there for the same reason!

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

I've run into my high school english teacher at a party once...

 

Hmm. If she was a hot English teacher, wouldn't that be a fantasy come true? I had a French teacher whom I had multiple fantasies about. Oh to run into her in a swing club...

 

 

we've had people come from 3 states away, specifically so that they didn't meet people they knew..run into their next door neighbor, who was there for the same reason!

 

It's amazing, isn't it? The notion that distance somehow makes it "safer" is a flawed one in my opinion. Plus, if you have to go several states away before you feel comfortable enough to play, you're not going to get to play very much unless you're a frequent traveler.

[TheMiddleDoor 68]

Hmm. If she was a hot English teacher, wouldn't that be a fantasy come true? I had a French teacher whom I had multiple fantasies about. Oh to run into her in a swing club...

 

yes, she was. I definitely opened up my dusty old teenage list of "women to do" and got to check off one of them LOL

[Guest warrencouple]

I've run into my high school english teacher at a party once...

 

Why do I suddenly have "Hot for Teacher" running through my head??

 

Mr.

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

Why do I suddenly have "Hot for Teacher" running through my head??

 

Mr.

 

But then my homework was never quite like this...

[awesomecplmn 21]

I think the best advice in this situation is to take the lead and approach the other person by letting THEM know that they needn't feel awkward or worried, because you will be very discrete. This helps put THEM at ease and also reiterates the fact that you want discretion from them as well.

 

Keep in mind, they are probably also freaking out that they ran into YOU at this swinger's party. It's like my mom used to always tell me about frogs: they're more scared of you than you are of them. LOL

 

Just don't do what I did which is leave the party and not return to the lifestyle for 15 years. That is just too sad!!!!!!!!!! So much missed time.

[Guest txwoodchuck]

How do I get my wife past the "what if I meet someone I know through work" worries?

[LFM2 1,482]

How do I get my wife past the "what if I meet someone I know through work" worries?

 

I know how your wife feels. When we started out, I often had the same thoughts... then really when you think about it -- if you meet another person you know through work, life or whatever, they're there for the same reason you are.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This is a common concern, and while it's always a little nerve-wracking when/if it does happen, you just have to remember that they are there for the same reason as you are. If they out YOU for having been there, then they are outting themselves.

 

If you see someone you know just be friendly go up to them and get it over with. "Hey, wow Imagine seeing you here!". Treat them like you would treat them if you saw them anywhere... It will add a new set of looks at work and perhaps make you a new friend.

[corynlaine 118]

I have to agree with the above posts! This is the LAST thing you should worry about.

 

Preface - I KNOW I KNOW, we watch way too much CSI and Criminal Mind but we're far more concerned with meeting some along those lines - this is one major reason we won't even consider single men - then anyone from work.

[MrkLin 393]

As I’ve mentioned before, that very thing happened to us. We were standing at the bar of our favorite swing club, when I heard a familiar voice off to my left. I turned just in time to see a woman I worked with and her husband walking toward us. Our eyes locked, and we both had an uncomfortable moment. It passed quickly though. After we got over the initial; “Oh my God, you’re here?” factor, we sat down with them and talked. While we didn’t play with them that night, they have since become very close lifestyle friends, and come to all of our parties.

 

It has happened twice more to us; in one case we met a guy who used to work for Lin online, and in another case we met a woman who at one time worked for me at a party. In all three of these cases, nobody has said a word to anyone not in the lifestyle – and then it was just to laugh about just how small of an area we live in. All of these people have become good lifestyle friends.

 

Everyone who has posted above is 100% dead on. If you should meet someone from work at a club, party, or wherever, they’re there for the same reason you are, and stand to lose just as much as you do if they’re outed. Think about it – nobody is going to go to work on Monday, and say to the boss, “Hey, guess who I saw at the swing club Saturday night?” The first response would be; “What were you doing at a swing club?”

 

Meeting someone from work at a club has an advantage or two that most people don’t think about. First off, you already know that person – that removes a lot of the ‘getting to know you’ nervousness that often accompanies a first trip to a club. Second, you know they’re going to be discrete, for the reasons the others and I have already mentioned.

 

If it should happen, (and who knows? It might,) don’t bolt from the room and hide in shame. Approach them and talk to them about it. Make sure they know that work is work, and play is play. Let them know that your lips are sealed, and you want to make sure they feel the same way. Once everything is out on the table, relax and enjoy yourself. They could very well become good lifestyle friends.

[iapr 24]

That was one of our biggest fears when we first started in the lifestyle over 3 years ago. The best way to get over it is to just go the club/party/whatever and just have fun. Once you go and have a fun and realize nothing bad happened then you get over it and stop wasting time and energy worrying about it.

[Chicup 42]

When I first saw this thread title I knew before even reading there would be 'well they are there for the same reason you are' posts.

 

I've never agreed with this.

 

Much of it depends on your relationship at work with that person 'Boss/equal/different department/subordinate' the nature of your work, the nature of the person involved, and the like.

 

Meeting that hot funny woman from accounting and her husband might be good, meeting the single male with poor job performance you were thinking would need to be let go might be not so good.

 

It does add a layer of complication to a hobby that already has a lot of complications.

 

Imagine running into one of your best clients, who just happens to be rather unattractive, and just seems so THRILLED you are in the lifestyle.

 

But lets take it one step beyond.

 

You might not recognize or see someone from work, but they may see you. In the backstabbing world that can be common in some companies, you have now given them a new weapon.

 

So again, it goes back to what you do, and what you have to lose. I know a school superintendent for a very large district who only goes to clubs on Halloween since she can wear a wig and a mask.

[corynlaine 118]

When I first saw this thread title I knew before even reading there would be 'well they are there for the same reason you are' posts.

 

I've never agreed with this.

 

Much of it depends on your relationship at work with that person 'Boss/equal/different department/subordinate' the nature of your work, the nature of the person involved, and the like.

 

I have to say that after posting my comments I just knew that there would be nay sayers.

 

You know what, IF you are truly THAT worried about this issue, then maybe you should NOT swing! No one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to swing. You seem to revel in coming up with possible what IF's from people with an agenda. We could create ALL kinds of what if's if you like.

 

BUT we are adults, we make grown up decisions about our behavior and we evaluate the consequences and decide if the risk is worth it. This applies to swinging and about a DOZEN other activities I can think of off the cuff.

 

There are real concerns and possible consequences to engaging in this type of behavior and others. They are real and you have to assess them and determine if they are worth taking for you.

 

This thread is more about addressing the irrational - well maybe that's too strong a word, lets say hyper vigilance-, concern about a possible scenario between normal people without an agenda.

[Chicup 42]

How do I get my wife past the "what if I meet someone I know through work" worries?

 

This thread is more about addressing the irrational - well maybe that's too strong a word, lets say hyper vigilance-, concern about a possible scenario between normal people without an agenda.

 

It is?

 

We have one post from an OP who gave very limited information. Giving 'Y'all should just go for it and have a good time' advice is rather irresponsible without some qualifiers.

 

Without knowing what kind of job the woman has makes giving accurate advice impossible.

 

Maybe shes the third shift kitchen porter and Denny's. In which case don't worry about it. Maybe shes the P.R. (Page Ranking got changed to 'Page Ranking', Julie I hate that feature) person for focus on the family, in which case worry about it.

 

Edit: Hehe 'Page Ranking' = Pee Arh, type it and be amused.

[good times 991]

Yep, Chicup is correct, and I can give a good example.

 

My wife is in management and oversees more than 100 employees in her job. We have worried about this issue often. We have never actually had a problem with it, but we came as close as one could come.

 

We went to the club one night and Mrs. GT ran into a client from work. They talked for a bit and the client mentioned to my wife that one of her employee's had just left the club moments before we arrived. It turned out that my wife had just fired that employee that week. This former employee was a young single male, who would have very little to lose by outing himself. Fact is, many of the young single males I know in the lifestyle are pretty much "out" and delight in telling their buddies about their adventures at the swing club. In this case, had this former employee actually been there when we arrived, it would of surprised me if he didn't try to out my wife to her coworkers. Which, in all likelihood would have meant the end of her job.

 

So, while I would like to think that the theory that we are all discreet and are all their for the same reason is valid. The fact is, it really depends on the circumstances, how much risk a person has, and how much they are willing to lose.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

I completely agree with Chicup and Goodtimes.

 

In my current job, I have no employees, and no contact with outside vendors or customers. (I'm the IT geek). While I wouldn't love running into someone I work with, it wouldn't really effect my job unless the owner found and just couldn't handle me being there any longer, for his own morality.

 

In my previous job, I was in a Senior Manager position, with 16 employees around the country. I trained and spoke at events nationally, and had to "rub elbows" with the executives. I would have been concerned had I run into someone from work then.

 

It absolutely comes down to what type of position you are in, the impact it could potentially have on your career, and whether or not you are willing to risk it.

 

We only live 15 minutes from the on-premise club we frequent, and have yet to run into anyone we know, work or otherwise. Yet.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

This thread IS about "what if" and it is not irrational to wonder if you are going to meet people at a club who you know from work, church, your neighborhood, or your family. Thinking about how you would handle it is important before stepping into swinging.

 

It is reasonable to look ahead to this scenario and decide if running into co-workers is worth the risk to you.

 

On our first visit to a club the woman who ran the club was checking us in and recognized MrLM. She loudly called out his full name and said "I was a client of yours when I was a teenager! You helped me..." She was happy to see us; we weren't happy to have her reveal our name and our profession in front of everyone in earshot.

 

We've had our clients contact us through ad sites, they didn't know who we were because our pictures didn't show enough, but we recognized them because their pictures did. We declined a meet and didn't say why. But they are out there and one day we may run into each other at a club, party, or Meet & Greet.

 

We thought about all of this possibly happening before we began swinging and decided we could handle it. We have. Thus far, there have been no problems and we're in our sixth year of swinging.

 

I agree with others, you need to consider your own personal risk to your job if you swing and make your decision based on that.

 

LM

[olycouple 62]

I can say it does happen, in our situation it was not bad at all, as we were not "outed". It was another couple that was seeking information for their own consumption. I do have to admit the thought was a little scary at first.

It was actually Swing Lifestyle, not a club that was the "undoing" of our anonymity with the aforementioned couple. The club we go to is a little expensive and I think that this high cost might keep away some of the looky-loo's. Swing Lifestyle on the other hand is free and if someone recognizes a very distinct dress, a tattoo, or your home in some of your pictures you might have some questions to answer. However you might not have a good time doing it.

 

There is always the CHANCE that you might meet someone you know or someone may find out. This "hobby" is all about meeting people and there is a very thin degree of separation in some places.

 

I think you should only bet what you have to lose. If your career were to end due to swinging, then by all means DON'T DO IT! But, if it is just personal ridicule you are worried about, ask yourself how much can you take and is it worth the price.

[MrkLin 393]

Ok, let me modify my reply to this thread. If you're worried about being outed for any reason by going to a swing club, don't go. If you're worried about being outed by posting pics on your online profile, don't post pics. If you're worried about being outed by describing yourself in an online profile, don't describe yourself.

 

In short, if you're worried about being outed at all, you probably shouldn't swing.

 

Please don't think I'm being flip here - I'm not. I'm not trying to downplay anything anyone has said in this thread. Everyone has posted legitimate concerns. If those concerns are going to make you look over your shoulder or watch the door at a club to see who's coming in, you're not going to have a good time at that club. I wouldn't go if I thought I was going to have to do that.

 

You know what kind of risk you can take better than anyone else. All anyone on this board can do is relate things to themselves, based on their own experiences. Maybe we're lucky to not have met someone with an agenda at a swing club. Maybe our experiences aren't typical. Yes, the level of risk we're willing to take in being outed isn't the same as anyone else's. Like I said, you know what level of risk you're willing to take better than anyone else.

 

If you fear for your career that badly, then don't swing in the first place.

[realcplub2 513]

It can happen..

 

A year ago we got a email from an interesting couple.. many of the same desires and interests.. we started a conversation and it seemed like we were old freinds in no time.. The gent and i shot the breeze and when it came out that he works for the same cahin my wife does it freaked me out and I explained that .. and to be honest, She used the same logic I have counciled others with.. they are doing the same as you are.. they cant out you without outting them..

 

BUT, remember.. People in a work setting spend plenty of time shoulder to shoulder so to speak, and that can ruin a good time if all they wanna do is talk shop

[eraserxx7 8]

My message is very different from all the ones I have read on here. I can understand the concern a person may have on meeting someone from work or just someone else they know. But I agree with tose who say, why worry about it. They are there for the same reason you are there. Best think to do is if you run into someone you know, is to acknowledge them and go from there. They probably are thinking the same thing you are thinking, and they are also wanting to get it over with and move on.

 

It was the same experience for me, except that I am a single male. I ran into a couple I knew very well, who I run into on and off at home. I was embrassed just like they were, but after we talked and joked about our being there, we moved on and treated it just like if we had met at Walmart. I see them now and then, jsometimes one is alone, but we just say hello talk for a few minutes, but no one mentions our mutual interest. I respect them and they respect me. I have no intention to tell anyone else what we both enjoy. I would treat any person I meet a swingers gathering the same way. I would respect them and their right to enjoy what they enjoy and expect them to do the same for me.