Very Bi Friendly, But not "all" Bi

[funsmurfsX2 15]

I saw another topic that was similar but not quite what I’m looking for. OK I tried to make this as short as possible but I’m just wondering in as few words that I’m hoping tell the story…

 

I am very bi friendly… I love women from the waist-up. I LOVE their tits, I LOVE kissing them and touching them. I’m just not really into going down on them. I can enjoy them going down on me if they want to, but it is a little strange when I am not willing to give back. I don’t even know if it bothers them but it bothers me. I guess I’m still in that “don’t expect what your not willing to give” part of my life. My mind knows it’s OK “if they know the score” and still want to go down on me. Some women just love doing it. I can’t help it it still makes me feel guilty (for lack of a better word). So, am I just adding two and two and getting five. Or do I need to grow up and tell myself that as long as I tell them ahead of time things are OK and I need to get over myself being driving by my outdated guilt complex.

[TNT 1,155]

I think, as long as you tell a head of time and let it be their decision there's no problem.

 

If they don't have a problem with you not going down on them, why should you have a problem with not going down on them?

 

Those that want reciprocation, hopefully will decline the offer of playing with you nicely.

 

Teresa

[ncmd_couple 597]

Funsmurfs,

 

In some ways, I think it is easier for us guys, you are Bi, or you are not, for the most part in the lifestyle. But for the ladies, well, it gets more complicated. You are like my wife, what I would call Bi-selective. Tell the other lady what your limits and comfort zones are, and leave it up to her to choose if that is ok with her. You might change your mind with the right lady, and you might not. But that is your choice, not something to feel guilty about.

 

S

[femnewb4u2 328]

So now you have me curious. If men who desire not to perform oral on women, but expect/desire to receive same are straight. How does it stand that a woman who feels the same way (recieve oral but not give) when with a woman could not be fully bi?

 

For me, whether a woman is bi or straight or gay has to do with an internal sense. Not activities engaged in. As a bi woman, I am very comfortable with a woman not returning oral. You are being very considerate to wonder if it is fair. I agree with the others. Please find a way to let go of the guilt. Do what you love, do it well, and your bi partners will most likly be very happy. Quid pro quo is not the measuring stick for me, and I bet I am not the only one. As ncmd said...you may just not have met the right lady.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Honestly, men don't have the freedom that the ladies do. It is black or white in the lifestyle at this point. I think that is changing, as things do.

 

S

[IvoryTowers 380]

So now you have me curious. If men who desire not to perform oral on women, but expect/desire to receive same are straight. How does it stand that a woman who feels the same way (recieve oral but not give) when with a woman could not be fully bi?

 

For me, whether a woman is bi or straight or gay has to do with an internal sense. Not activities engaged in.

 

I think you answered your own question. The OP isn't bi (in that she doesn't have a desire to have sex with women) but she's comfortable with women's bodies and happy to play lightly. I feel the same way (well, almost the same way: I wouldn't say I love breasts, but I'm happy to do anything above the waist. Skin is skin and it all feels good).

 

OP, the host of Polyamory Weekly coined a word you might like to adopt--boobysexual. It means straight women who also love to play with other women's bobbies! Sounds like you.

 

I think that it's fair to tell a bi woman what you are comfortable with and let her make the decision of whether or not she will go down on you. Think about it this way. Getting oral sex from a woman isn't different than from a man (each partner is unique of course, but there's no massive 'this is a woman' difference to lips and tongues). So, especially if she's a married woman looking to explore her bi side, she may not be that focused on getting the oral sex. Hopefully her husband does that for her at home! Instead, she's interested in exploring the female body.

 

So you don't need to feel guilty--you are both getting what you want! As long as you are upfront, it seems like a great arrangement.

[Guest screaminggood]

As a "fully" bi-fem, I should state that I'm prejudiced because I've had the experience of a woman telling me she's bi on the dance floor but all she did in bed with play with my nipples. And I was disappointed! I'd definitely prefer to know beforehand what the limits are (just as with a couple, I'd prefer to know their limits). I do get awesome oral sex from my husband at home, and other men at clubs, but the oral sex with a woman is different from the oral sex I get from a man. Part of my bisexuality is the enjoyment of giving and receiving.

[realcplub2 513]

Hi again folks..

 

Proper ettiquette says, tell the other people, regardless of who it is ( a HIM or a HER ) what you are into/willing to do/ No FREAKING Way IN HELL.. and let them go from there..

 

If it wasnt the Bi issue, lets substitute ANAL intstead.. and the other woman was all for parting CHEEKS.. you certainly wouldnt feel obligated to comply as well would you?

 

Same applies here, let everyone have the same copy of the score cards and let them decide what THEY want to do.. But make sure they know the score

[exploringRM 305]

On our profiles my wife is listed as bi-curious. Prior to starting swinging, she had an experience with a female stripper that she enjoyed (to our surprise..lol). But really she is bi-friendly or comfortable. In our profile text we list that she is comfortable with some female play, kissing, caressing but not full on female female interaction. We've been discussing if we should list her as straight as we seem to find many profiles (both searchng and people contacting us) where the girl play is all important and in some cases the there is no male-female swap. Not saying that's bad, just not what we are looking for. We also make if clear during any chats if the female of the couple is listed as bi.

[sweet_tna 680]

I hear you. I too am listed as bi curious, and for similar reasons. I knew I enjoyed the touch of a woman and I was fine with everything up to attempting oral on her. That always made me feel guilty, despite my being very upfront with the other lady(ies) about my comfort level. Most of them, I've found, are very understanding and appreciate the candor.

 

Try to think of it this way: If you are upfront about not being comfortable returning the favor, but it still pleases the other lady to go down on you, then it's a win-win situation.

 

While I have tried giving oral and ended up being fine with it, I'm not comfortable enough to declare myself fully bi. So I will continue to do what's been working for me until/unless that changes.

 

=)