Oral sex and partner expectations

[westcan 53]

I hope that this is not a stupid topic to bring up. My wife and I are now talking about visiting a on-premises club near our town for the first time. We have no swinging experience. Some of our concerns are that Ms. Westcan does not really like giving oral sex. And although she has a very giving and loving personality generally, in bed she prefers to let the man do all the work and be somewhat agressive while she prefers to be laid back and passive. Would this be dissappointing to other men? Oral sex has never been a big deal to me, but I think that most men would probably expect it. I ask because she is the first women I have ever been with that is not into giving oral sex, although it is probably not that uncommon. I know that the subject of oral sex is a concern to her in the lifestyle. Also, is it normal to ask her partner to wear a condom for oral sex if she does choose to try? She is quite shy to talk about sex, even with me, so it has taken us years to get a good feel for each other in bed. Another concern from my perspective is that although she is quite turned on at the idea of being "pounded" by one or more men, she feels she might get very jealous of seeing me with someone. I have told her many times that to me love and sex are very different and that I am 100 per cent certain that she is my only love and it would never change [she really is the best woman I have ever met in every way and I utterly adore her].

[athenagirl 36]

Wow... I'd be curious to hear what men have to say about this. Personally, I love giving blow jobs and I always have. But that's just me. I'm sure there are men for whom getting a blow job isn't the be-all and end-all. (But I've met very few of them!)

[ViSexual 1,008]

Well, I can't speak for anyone but myself, but, I'm not that into receiving oral.

 

In fact, during the oral stage of sex I find that the lady's reciprocating to be distracting.

 

So, guys, lets let the lady know just what percentage of us would feel like we were cheated if we didn't get that reciprocation, OK?

 

One vote 'no'!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Some of our concerns are that Ms. Westcan does not really like giving oral sex.

Oral sex, my dear Alberta couple, is not expected at an on-premise club. No sex of any kind is, in fact, required. The only expectation is to have fun.

 

There are certainly men who will express disappointment if they don't get exactly what they want. But your wife won't need these -- most men are not burdened with the belief that a blow job is the ultimate goal of an intimate encounter.

 

~Michael

[MrkLin 393]

What they said^^^.

 

I also think it's very reasonable to just let the guy know that you're not into that if you're asked about it.

 

It's also not uncommon for some couples to 'save something' for themselves. What I mean is, some couples won't kiss a playmate because they want to keep that for themselves. Some won't do oral, and some will do everything but actual penetration.

 

What I'm getting at is that a woman not going down on a man isn't all that uncommon.

[IvoryTowers 380]

And although she has a very giving and loving personality generally, in bed she prefers to let the man do all the work and be somewhat aggressive while she prefers to be laid back and passive. Would this be disappointing to other men?

 

I'm not a man, so I can't really address this, but from reading other threads it seems to me that most men in swinging aren't going to do "all the work." Your wife should be aware that men as well as women can have nerves, or drink a bit much, or be tired, and that can show up in a lack of or slow to appear erection.

 

You may not even get to this point, but if you do decide to full swap, your wife may find that laying back and being passive will result in a complete lack of fun for both parties. She should be ready to fondle, stroke and compliment!

 

Finally, at least in my (admitted limited) experience, most men in swinging won't be "aggressive" in any way, because they are very aware that they are having sex with a brand new partner, and someone else's wife to boot! They will ask permission, they will proceed gently, and they will look for cues from her. Now, you might mean "take charge" rather than literally be aggressive, but again, your wife should be ready to give verbal and physical cues that let the guy know he's doing good stuff! She might not need to stick his dick down her throat, but she should be encouraging and responsive, maybe more so than with you, since you know her cues and the new man won't.

[exploringRM 305]

I love oral sex, but it's never expected and even my wife probably does it less than more, depends on the mood. If my play partner told me, sorry I don't do oral, I would be fine with that. There have been times where the woman I'm with does oral, but I don't let it go to long...want to avoid finishing early One benefit to oral (experienced this as well as read in other postings) is it can get a guy hard when needed. This can be a remedy to the guy being nervous and not quite hard yet, or he's cum once already and needs to get ready to go again.

[iapr 24]

The jealousy issue is the one that has the potential to cause the most concern here. that is something that will need to be addressed before moving forward regardless of what sexual techniques anyone brings to the table.

 

The first question I ask people when there are jealousy issues is does that person have a valid reason to be jealous or concerned? Do either of you have a history of infidelity or are either one of you dissatisfied at home and are looking at swinging as way to pursue what you are not getting at home or is this a first step towards possibly looking for someone else as a replacement?

 

If the answer to any of those is yes then there is a valid concern there and those issues will need to be addressed and taken care of before you give any thought to swinging at all.

 

If the answers to all of those questions is no and there is no rational reason whatsoever for someone to be concerned then you just need to be understanding and compassionate and move at a pace that is comfortable for everyone and see where things go. If you move forward at very slow baby steps and stop the moment someone feels uncomfortable then it is something that can be worked on and alliviated over time.

[Chicup 41]

in bed she prefers to let the man do all the work and be somewhat agressive while she prefers to be laid back and passive. Would this be dissappointing to other men?

 

Finally, at least in my (admitted limited) experience, most men in swinging won't be "aggressive" in any way, because they are very aware that they are having sex with a brand new partner, and someone else's wife to boot! They will ask permission, they will proceed gently, and they will look for cues from her. Now, you might mean "take charge" rather than literally be aggressive, but again, your wife should be ready to give verbal and physical cues that let the guy know he's doing good stuff! She might not need to stick his dick down her throat, but she should be encouraging and responsive, maybe more so than with you, since you know her cues and the new man won't.

 

Yea this was a red flag to me, in fact there are a lot of red flags here.

 

First, I'd think a rule for swinging is that you have to be somewhat into sex. She doesn't sound like its her thing. A wet fish in bed is going to be sending a lot of negative signals to the male partners brain.

 

Is she really into me? Is she into this? Is her husband forcing her into swinging? Why is she just laying there? Boy my wife is having a good time over there, I wish I was. Hey do you think the Cubs will coke this year? I'm hungry.

 

After a few of these you might find that you are then posting things like 'Why can't guys keep it up for swinging?' or 'Swinging sex not very good?'

 

she might get very jealous of seeing me with someone. I have told her many times that to me love and sex are very different and that I am 100 per cent certain that she is my only love and it would never change [she really is the best woman I have ever met in every way and I utterly adore her].

 

The vibe I get is she isn't quite ready for swinging. Personally I'd teach her how to take a little more initiative in bed (you can learn these things), and make sure she knows in her heart (the head doesn't matter) that she is #1.

[iapr 24]

Now as far as the oral sex thing, people come to the club with the set of skills, techniques and preferences that they have and should not be focused on what they aren't into.

 

When you make your first trip to a club you should set your sights on meeting some new people, mingling on a social level while enjoying the sexual energy that can come from an environment like a club. Do some dancing, maybe some flirting and just getting acquianted with some people and just see where the attraction and chemistry takes you. The chances are the first time you are there you will not meet anyone that she would even want to hold hands with let alone give a blow job or get "pounded" anyway.

 

Focus on interacting with people and getting tuned in to the level of attraction and chemistry you feel with them and go where that takes you as opposed to focussing on specific sex acts. When you meet someone and there is an attraction and chemistry let that flow to what ever level it takes you. With some people it will just be "hello" followed soon by "nice to meet you, have a nice evening." Other people it may involve some flirting or dancing. some people may involve some smooching or even making out and some people even up to "pounding."

 

Do not introduce yourself by saying "hi my name is ______ and I don't do oral." Just go with the flow and let the chemistry take you to where ever it takes you. do what you want to do as long as it is consensual and don't do what you don't want to do. It really is as simple as that.

 

Will there be people that reject you for not blowing them? Absolutely. Just as there will be people that will reject you because you hair is too long while others will because your hair is too short. Some will reject you cause you are too tall and too skinny while others will because you are too short and fat. I could go on and on but you get my point.

 

Swinging is a game of a thousand rejections but it is sure a lot of fun when the stars line up and things work out:blush:

[iapr 24]

 

Finally, at least in my (admitted limited) experience, most men in swinging won't be "aggressive" in any way, because they are very aware that they are having sex with a brand new partner, and someone else's wife to boot! They will ask permission, they will proceed gently, and they will look for cues from her. .

 

This is another good point that will also be more of an issue than the oral. Most men we have encountered are very passive and will not take any initiative with a woman that is not at bare minimum showing an interest. No one wants to be that guy that gets labeled as "aggressive" and while there are men that will be ok with "doing all the work" (your words not mine) they will at least need a definative green light from her that all of his efforts and labors will be welcomed and appreciated.

 

In the swinging world it is typically the females that are the initiators and the ones to get things going both socially as well as sexually. If she is just a bump on a log this may be kind of a long rough road for you. If you are the one that is doing all the talking and setting everything up, people will think that you are just trying to use her as bait so you can score and that it is all about you and that won't go over very well at all.

 

 

Put yourself in the other couples shoes, you are in a club full of people and the other women are sexually adventurous and assertive and are willing to take some initiative to pursue what they want. Are you going to want to party with them or are you going to want to party with a couple where the female half is appearing to be sexually inert and uninterested and unwilling to discuss any sexual topics or lift a finger to make anything happen. Who are you going to want to play with?

 

I'm not saying that to be meanspirited or to put anyone down, but I agree with Chicup, in order to get anything out of swinging you do need to be somewhat sexually oriented and responsive.

[drivebycoder 15]

I'm just going to go with a pretty basic response.

 

I'm a big fan of reciprocation, if I kiss someone, I expect to get the feeling that they are kissing me back. If I go down on a girl, I would expect some kind of sexual equivelancy, either a blowjob, rimjob, or some other kind of foreplay to get the mood flowing and make sure that both of us are there for the same reason.

 

Of course, on the other hand, I also understand that it is fun sometimes to just do things for the randomness factor, such as a gloryhole. So it is understandable under the right circumstances to not expect anything in return for a sexual act.

 

Perhaps out in the open room, a woman is holding a sign that reads "Come have a taste of my warm apple pie", and being friendly, she is letting anyone who is interested come up and taste her apple pie...

 

A lot of expectation comes from the setting, but i usually prefer an even exchange when in bed with someone.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I hope that this is not a stupid topic to bring up. My wife and I are now talking about visiting a on-premises club near our town for the first time. We have no swinging experience. Some of our concerns are that Ms. Westcan does not really like giving oral sex. And although she has a very giving and loving personality generally, in bed she prefers to let the man do all the work and be somewhat agressive while she prefers to be laid back and passive. Would this be dissappointing to other men? Oral sex has never been a big deal to me, but I think that most men would probably expect it. I ask because she is the first women I have ever been with that is not into giving oral sex, although it is probably not that uncommon. I know that the subject of oral sex is a concern to her in the lifestyle. Also, is it normal to ask her partner to wear a condom for oral sex if she does choose to try? She is quite shy to talk about sex, even with me, so it has taken us years to get a good feel for each other in bed. Another concern from my perspective is that although she is quite turned on at the idea of being "pounded" by one or more men, she feels she might get very jealous of seeing me with someone. I have told her many times that to me love and sex are very different and that I am 100 per cent certain that she is my only love and it would never change [she really is the best woman I have ever met in every way and I utterly adore her].

 

My wife is similar at times to this. No one can make her do something she doesn't want to do. First rule in the lifestyle, No Means No. If they don't understand that, move on.

 

Take your time with this. There are alot of emotions involved and jealousy and being insecure are some of them. Go slow and talk about it.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I hope that this is not a stupid topic to bring up. My wife and I are now talking about visiting a on-premises club near our town for the first time. We have no swinging experience. Some of our concerns are that Ms. Westcan does not really like giving oral sex. And although she has a very giving and loving personality generally, in bed she prefers to let the man do all the work and be somewhat agressive while she prefers to be laid back and passive. Would this be dissappointing to other men? Oral sex has never been a big deal to me, but I think that most men would probably expect it.

 

Another vote here for no. Not expected, and not a deal at all if it doesn't happen.

 

Another concern from my perspective is that although she is quite turned on at the idea of being "pounded" by one or more men, she feels she might get very jealous of seeing me with someone.

 

This is something you need to talk through, which it sounds like you are. You are on the right track of deciding to start by visiting a club. Check things out, socialize, and then just go as far as you are comfortable. If she's feeling jealousy when you are flirting with another woman, then stop. If that's ok but she feels it when you are dancing with someone else, then stop things there. Basically, just go at the pace of the slowest person, and then talk about things and how they made each of you feel. Jealousy is a legitimate concern, especially at first, and anybody who tells you neither one has ever felt the slightest twinge is probably lying to both you and themselves.

 

Don't pay any attention to meeting anybody else's "standards" other than your own. If her style is more passive (which btw, most understand does not automatically equal not interested in sex), then don't try to suddenly adopt a style that will be obviously not a good fit for her. That is when the red flags would come out - when someone is putting on an act and doing an understandably poor job of it because it is so unnatural for them. If she encounters someone who HAS to have oral, or HAS to have an assertive female partner, then those are their issues, not her's. When the time comes to discuss those sort of things, she should just be up front about what she is interested in, and then if they aren't interested, oh well. Plenty of others out there who will be interested.

 

Really the best piece of piece of advice is maybe to just put the whole oral issue on the sidelines for now, go the club with the understanding that there are no expectations for that night, and just see how things go. She may decide after that the whole scene isn't for her, or she may like it and be interested in talking about things more to iron out your rules as a couple and maybe try the next step.

 

You all sound like you are on the right track, just be patient, talk, go slow, and realize that you don't need to meet anyone's standards other than your own and there is no one size fits all approach.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

Mrs NC here. You know, years ago, my husband could've said the same thing about me. I was very passive, wasn't that into giving oral sex. Missionary style was the norm.

 

Mr. NC was very patient with this, but over time, guided me over my insecurities and opened my mind to try new things. I didn't watch porn, didn't own any toys, and was perfectly content with our sex life.

 

OMG, the things I know now and the years I wasted. And while I still love the man to be the "take charge" participant, I have no problems anymore with giving oral, climbing on top, voicing my desires, etc.

 

So, is she really just "not into it"? Or could it be that she has her own insecurities about sex in general. Is she insecure about her body? Insecure that she is not good at giving oral?

 

I would recommend that before you jump into the swinging world, spend more time together exploring each other, understanding each other's desires, fantasies, fears, wants, likes, dislikes, etc.

 

I think you two need to be more secure as a couple and your sexuality before inviting anyone into the bedroom. You mentioned she feels she might get jealous. This really means she's not quite ready for swingiing with other couples.

 

Go to the club, but only to watch initially. Go more than once. Have sex with only each other at the end of the night. Then, talk about the experience, and thoughts that were running through your minds.

 

Jumping into swinging too soon can be harmful to both you as individuals and you as a couple. Proceed slowly with caution. And open up and talk about everything. And I do mean everything.

[westcan 53]

Finally, at least in my (admitted limited) experience, most men in swinging won't be "aggressive" in any way, because they are very aware that they are having sex with a brand new partner, and someone else's wife to boot! They will ask permission, they will proceed gently, and they will look for cues from her. Now, you might mean "take charge" rather than literally be aggressive, but again, your wife should be ready to give verbal and physical cues that let the guy know he's doing good stuff! She might not need to stick his dick down her throat, but she should be encouraging and responsive, maybe more so than with you, since you know her cues and the new man won't.

 

I'm sorry. You are right. I did not mean "agressive". That is probably too strong. I meant a guy who was more confident and directive. She is not particularly encouraging or complimentary, hence the need for some confidence in the man. This really comes from her shyness and her being quite conservative in nature. However, she is also not critical and seems very willing to go with the flow in bed. She may even be fine in bed with giving oral sex once she got going as she takes it just fine when I wave it in front of her in the heat of the moment. I am far from agressive and have adapted my approach to be more assertive in bed, which is probably not natural for me. I still don't know what her "cues" are.

[westcan 53]

Your story is encouraging. I think that my wife is really starting to blossom sexually and I am excited to be with her for the ride.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

To me, the oral issue is the least of your concerns.

 

Bigger concerns:

 

It is not uncommon for one partner to be less aggressive than another. However, as others indicated when it comes to a woman who just lays back and expects the guy to just go at it with little to no input from her. She is often considered a "dead fish". Guys (and girls alike) want to know that what they are doing is being appreciated and that the person recieving their attentions is enjoying them.

 

My husband is a more passive type when it comes to initiating the sex. For him, he needs a woman who is more aggressive in letting him know that she is really interested. I've not had a woman yet that I let know this that failed to let him know that she was interested. However, from the sounds of it we would not click very well with you and your wife (for this reason). That said, there probably are guys are who more than happy to be the aggressor when given permission. But, what you have to watch out for is that if you (as the guy) are the one telling the other guy that he needs to be aggressive, this could be misconstrued to mean that she's not really ready to be there (or doesn't want to be there). This is another double standard in swinging... no one thinks twice if the woman is asked to be more aggressive.

 

Jealousy - if she is jealous of seeing you with other women and this is something that you want to enjoy. Then the two of you need to keep talking before anything happens. The jealousy needs to be worked through before you proceed. Find the root cause and deal with it.

 

Now, that said when I combine these two issues together, I come back with the thought that you may be best to start out with MFM interactions. You will often find that single guys will be more aggressive in general, and often not think twice about a woman who is very passive (honestly, many single guys won't think twice about much of anything when sex is involved).

 

What it all comes down to is that at some point your wife is going to have to get to the point where she can verabalize (or physically express) her needs/wants.

[Chicup 41]

She is often considered a "dead fish".

 

 

You know when I wrote my reply I was thinking 'wet fish' just didn't look right yet my brain decided to cramp up.

 

wet fish.....right there Mr. Chicup, whatever you say

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

...Ms. Westcan does not really like giving oral sex...Oral sex has never been a big deal to me, but I think that most men would probably expect it...she is the first women I have ever been with that is not into giving oral sex, although it is probably not that uncommon.

From our experience all women we've been with gave MrLM oral sex, and he didn't have to prompt them to do it either. He loves oral and I love giving oral to men. So my feeling is that it is more common that women who swing enjoy giving oral to men.

 

...she prefers to let the man do all the work and be somewhat agressive while she prefers to be laid back and passive. Would this be dissappointing to other men?

Yes, I think so, unless you choose males who are looking for a wham bam thank you ma'am experience; guys who want to quickly lose their load in any woman willing to take them.

 

Also, is it normal to ask her partner to wear a condom for oral sex if she does choose to try?

Men wearing a condom for oral sex is almost unheard of mainly because it can be difficult for a man to reach climax with a condom during oral and because most women hate the taste of a condom. MrLM and I tried this before we began swinging. We used a flavored condom thinking it would be more palatable; it wasn't. I decided then never again. If your wife doesn't enjoy a naked cock in her mouth she isn't likely to enjoy it any better with a condom on...and the man will know it.

 

She is quite shy to talk about sex, even with me, so it has taken us years to get a good feel for each other in bed. Another concern from my perspective is that although she is quite turned on at the idea of being "pounded" by one or more men, she feels she might get very jealous of seeing me with someone.

There is so much more to sex and particularly to swinging than just getting "pounded." I think who your wife is and what she imagines herself in her fantasy is still too far apart to become reality. A bridge needs to be built first. She'd have to build it through more sexual exploration with you first.

 

And her concern at being jealous seeing you with another woman, in my opinion that's the final sign that she's not yet ready to swing.

 

I'd suggest attending clubs to observe how other swingers socially interact and flirt. Expand your own sexual play at home or play alone together at clubs. Try new things with each other first. Does she enjoy giving you hand jobs? Ask her to seduce you at home and be the aggressor for a change. And give oral a darn good try, you might find you like it and so will your wife, in time.

 

Good luck!

 

LM

[PB&J 1,086]

You know when I wrote my reply I was thinking 'wet fish' just didn't look right yet my brain decided to cramp up.

 

wet fish.....right there Mr. Chicup, whatever you say

 

My husband prefers the term "starfish"... arms and legs spread wide, and that's all, folks! We've met a few in the lifestyle...

[westcan 53]

Wow... I'd be curious to hear what men have to say about this. Personally, I love giving blow jobs and I always have. But that's just me. I'm sure there are men for whom getting a blow job isn't the be-all and end-all. (But I've met very few of them!)

 

I'd like to think that if I was a girl, I'd love to give blowjobs too.

[westcan 53]

To me, the oral issue is the least of your concerns.

 

Bigger concerns:

 

It is not uncommon for one partner to be less aggressive than another. However, as others indicated when it comes to a woman who just lays back and expects the guy to just go at it with little to no input from her. She is often considered a "dead fish". Guys (and girls alike) want to know that what they are doing is being appreciated and that the person recieving their attentions is enjoying them.

 

My husband is a more passive type when it comes to initiating the sex. For him, he needs a woman who is more aggressive in letting him know that she is really interested. I've not had a woman yet that I let know this that failed to let him know that she was interested. However, from the sounds of it we would not click very well with you and your wife (for this reason). That said, there probably are guys are who more than happy to be the aggressor when given permission. But, what you have to watch out for is that if you (as the guy) are the one telling the other guy that he needs to be aggressive, this could be misconstrued to mean that she's not really ready to be there (or doesn't want to be there). This is another double standard in swinging... no one thinks twice if the woman is asked to be more aggressive.

 

Jealousy - if she is jealous of seeing you with other women and this is something that you want to enjoy. Then the two of you need to keep talking before anything happens. The jealousy needs to be worked through before you proceed. Find the root cause and deal with it.

 

Now, that said when I combine these two issues together, I come back with the thought that you may be best to start out with MFM interactions. You will often find that single guys will be more aggressive in general, and often not think twice about a woman who is very passive (honestly, many single guys won't think twice about much of anything when sex is involved).

 

What it all comes down to is that at some point your wife is going to have to get to the point where she can verabalize (or physically express) her needs/wants.

 

 

That is some good advise. I get the feeling from reading many of the posts that the women are often the members of the lifestyle couples that run the show and the husbands, while not necessarily passive, kind of go along with the flow. I think I understand the psychology behind it and why it would be quite successful that way and feel that we are a bit different from others (with a passive woman who would enjoy sex with lots of different me), although that's probably not the case at all.

 

While I do think that my wife is the more jealous of the two of us, I'm not sure that an MFM would work for me(although it might, who knows). I'm worried about feeling left out or a bit jealous, but I'd probably be ok.

 

I don't think she's a "dead fish" at all and most guys would have a great time with her. She's really up for anything in bed, but positive affirmation and encouragement of her partner are not her strong suits though - just not her nature or upbringing. But she's come a long way since we met five years ago.

[westcan 53]

My husband prefers the term "starfish"... arms and legs spread wide, and that's all, folks! We've met a few in the lifestyle...

 

that's funny you should mention that. I onlly found out last week that her favorite position is on her back with her legs straight up over my shoulders. I asked her why she didn't tell me before. Anyhow, not quite a starfish.

[westcan 53]

From our experience all women we've been with gave MrLM oral sex, and he didn't have to prompt them to do it either. He loves oral and I love giving oral to men. So my feeling is that it is more common that women who swing enjoy giving oral to men.

 

That is what I certainly would have thought. When we first discussed the idea of "swinging" earlier in 2008, one of the first things she pondered was having to give her guy a blowjob.

 

 

Yes, I think so, unless you choose males who are looking for a wham bam thank you ma'am experience; guys who want to quickly lose their load in any woman willing to take them. .

 

I think that she would actually be turned on by this

 

 

Men wearing a condom for oral sex is almost unheard of mainly because it can be difficult for a man to reach climax with a condom during oral and because most women hate the taste of a condom. MrLM and I tried this before we began swinging. We used a flavored condom thinking it would be more palatable; it wasn't. I decided then never again. If your wife doesn't enjoy a naked cock in her mouth she isn't likely to enjoy it any better with a condom on...and the man will know it. .

 

I tend to agree with you there. Last year I said why don't I wear a condom to have you practise giving blowjobs to see if you grow to like it. She hated the taste also. Part of me thinks that given a chance, she might be a real tiger and surprise me if she finds a guy she really clicks with.

 

Good advise about visiting clubs and just hanging out. I do think we'll get there eventually, but may not yet be totally ready. I'm in no hurry and neither of us is really pushing this along at all, only keeping the lines of communication open and seeing where it leads.

[PB&J 1,086]

that's funny you should mention that. I onlly found out last week that her favorite position is on her back with her legs straight up over my shoulders. I asked her why she didn't tell me before. Anyhow, not quite a starfish.

 

Oh, that's not starfish... need to be flat on the bed for starfish...

 

and oh yes.. legs over shoulders. Always good!

[LOL_OMG 130]

Answering the thread title. If Mrs. Lol and I were with another couple and that female said she was not into oral sex at all then the party would probably stop there. To me it's a major ingrediant of sex and Mrs. Lol is a big reason because she's very good. Before anyone asks, yes I will go down on any woman I'm with as long as she is clean and will enjoy it immensly. The poster asked a valid question so I feel he deserves an honest answer.

 

Mr. Lol

[The Fuse 1,012]

To the OP: yeah, sorry, if a woman really just didn't want to do oral, we would probably consider that a big negative in deciding whether to play. I know that no one should do anything they don't want to do, and that applies to your wife. You can certainly have good swinging experiences no matter what your tastes, but you deserve an honest answer, so you should know that a lot of people will be a bit put off by this. It is best to be upfront about it with potential playmates. There are definitely guys to whom it will not matter.

 

If she were otherwise very expressive of her desire for her swinging partner, and showed him how much she wanted him by being very excited or by being active in bed, that might make up for it. But if she didn't want to do oral and also didn't show Mr. Fuse that she desired him, the lack of evident desire would be worse for him. He doesn't need a blow job. But in order to enjoy swinging, he has to know beyond a doubt that his playmate wants him.

 

I'm sorry if this is a bit harsh. Just being honest. I'm tired and can't quite come up with a good way to soften what I said above. However, if she is turned on by the thought of taking several men, maybe you could start with some variation on that theme, if you think she would like to actually do it in addition to fantasizing about it. I know that would leave you out somewhat, but it could start her on the road to widening her sexual tastes. Before doing that, you should make sure it is something she actually wants, rather than a fantasy she wouldn't like to see come true.

 

Thank you for bringing this up and starting your thread. I hope you will let us know what develops.

[Chicup 41]

You know oddly I didn't think of this.

 

We did play with one couple where the wife didn't do oral. They didn't give us this rule until we were naked in our hotel room, and I was willing to roll with it.

 

She just laid there dead fish style and it was the most boring sex I've had, ever. It was the one time I really had to concentrate to keep little Mr. Chicup up. I don't know how I forgot about that night until now in this thread, but it was the most forgettable sex ever. Maybe it wasn't a coincidence.

[2plus2fun 143]

open up and talk about everything. And I do mean everything.

 

That is the best advice any new couple can get... communication is KEY! Lack of communication leads to all sorts of issues in a relationship.

 

As far as oral goes... I don't think that is an issue... how does she feel about using her hand? A little lube and a firm grip can outdo a blowjob anyday in my book.

 

Only the people you should avoid "expect" anything... the best swinging experiences are always the ones that aren't forced and if you are forcing yourself to do something you will regret it later.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

How are things going now ?

 

Any changes ?

[daqueenbee 15]

Hubby and I have yet to swing yet, but I also am not head over heals with oral. I use it as foreplay and give oral to orgasm. Hubby is ok with this. As far as condom goes, being in the healthcare industry, I treat everybody with universal precaution. I see a lot people use condoms for intercourse, but not for oral - go figure.

[lovinher 505]

I'd consider this the same as the no kissing rule some have. Takes something away from the whole experience. If I knew beforehand I would politely decline. Besides, I like blow jobs.....and kissing.

[westcan 53]

I never much cared for bj's. For me it was always ok and felt good but never a big deal - probably something to do with my first girlfriend gagging and being extremely disgusted after I blew a load in her mouth - maybe affected my later attitudes. Anyhow, since then I came to realize that most women quite enjoy it and partake happily. I found my wife to be a bit odd in that regard and told her so. Over the years I have grown to crave abit more bj. It's like anything else; you crave it more when you can't have it. Could I live without it? Sure, but I'd rather not be made to feel like I have to. I think my lovely wife is really a tiger inside given the right circumstances coupled with a lot of love and positive encouragement. We're heading out to another c/o resort in the next few weeks and we're expecting/Hoping to have a few pleasant experiences to talk about upon our return.

[westcan 53]

Holy BJ Batman!! Did I say that I thought that my wife was a tiger inside?

 

I was hoping for a little play at the c/o lifestyle friendly resort we attended a few weeks ago but I got all of my questions and doubts about my wife answered in spades. It's funny how these things have a way of working themselves out. Anyway I don't want to say too much but it's reallly hard to contain my excitement and love for my wife. The first night, we just played with each other in view of others involved in group play. That night, she woke me up from a sound sleep to play some more (which is actully the first time ever). The next evening, we played in our room for a while until I joked with her about trying some "fresh meat" or something like that. Much to my surprise, she said "well go get me some then". Yippee, I thought. She was serious.

 

So off we went to mingle. It wasn't long before some body shots were being poured around the group. I asked one of the guys sitting near my wife if he wanted to try some on her. Of course he did. One thing led to another and the four of us (his girlfriend also) went to the play room to play. Others joined us at some point until the room was packed. My wife's new guy took a break after lots of mutual oral play and before you could say BJ, two different guys started playing with her. In a one hour span, she had no less than 3 different cocks in her mouth and seemed to love it. These were all guys we had met before, not strangers. They were very polite and attentive - not pushy - and their wives were playing elsewhere but nearby. I asked her about the blowjobs later and she said she "felt she had no choice", but that was not the feeling I had watching her in action. She really seemed to get into it and enjoy it. She is a people pleaser personality and although I always felt that deep down it would make her feel good making her new partner feel good even if its not her favorite activity.

 

Unfortunately, I was having some problems performing, which was unusual for me but not unexpected given everything I've read about group play. It was so erotic watching my wife service these guys in every way possible that I tried not to be too upset by my own shortcomings and the woman I was with was very nice about it. The woman I was with starting giving my wife deep kisses and also went down on her orally for about 10 minutes. Another thing I did not expect (but thought it was possible). She later admitted to me to having many orgasms that evening; but we all knew that because she was the loudest in the room by far.

 

The last evening, we met another couple. The four of us hit it off famously and went straight to our room, avoiding some of the problems (?) that come from group play. It was my suggestion as I was a bit nervous given the prior night. We all played on the same bed and it seemed we all enjoyed each other's company. My wife even gave him some oral play when he was having some temporary down time without being prompted.

 

Anyhow, there is much more i could say but the bottom line is that i've never loved my wife more as we embark now down a slightly different path in life. we've had a few long chats since the trip and sorted out some things that we never really discussed before but I have to say that its all gone pretty smoothly and better than i've ever imagined. We're planning another trip in the next few months and will be visiting a local club soon.

[SaSsyNsWeEt 41]

sounds like you're working it out. Good luck to you both.

[forfunonly692 82]

Different than several folks here, I will tell you that a passive woman can be just as much fun in swinging as any other. The difference is communication. My wife is very passive, it simply is her sexual nature. If any man (including myself in our 31 year relationship) asks her what she enjoys she will tell them "whatever you want is fine with me". We make sure that the men she plays with are dominant in nature and are OK with "taking whatever they want" from a woman. This is what turns her on, to simply be used by a man for his sexual pleasure. There are plenty of men out there who are willing to "ride em hard and put em up wet" with a submissive woman, IF they know in advance that this is her nature. Most of us, in life and in this lifestyle both, have been trained to cater to the woman's taste, so it is unusual to have to deal with a passive woman. But if forewarned, we have found men enjoy using a woman simply as a fuck toy for their own pleasure. In fact, they tend to step up and use her repeatedly, adding greatly to her enjoyment (her most fun is in a gangbang situation being used as a sex object for the men). Good luck; as in everything in this lifestyle communication with prospective gentleman, as well as a discerning eye as to what kind of man she needs, will work wonders for you both.

[hotwife70 593]

My wife told me she wouldn't have a problem with oral giving to another guy if he was already there.As a matter of fact,she lets her Ex fucked her mouth everytime she went out with him over concern of pregnant since she wasn't ready back then.As for me,I don't see any issue to it.

[discreetplay 235]

Male half here - I wouldn't say there are expectations of oral but it is consistently the spark that gets the night moving for the guys. From my experience, when playing with another couple, oral sex is standard. A fairly common scenario we've experienced is the ladies start the evening. They'll start kissing and move to oral, grinding, etc. At some point they'll call their guys over and get them up and ready through oral. Then intercourse starts. Depending on the length of the session, oral is used by the ladies as a break, to get things started again (e.g. one of the guys steps away for a breather, a drink, etc and needs to be restarted).  After the first session, if everyone is game, oral starts the next one.

 

With that said, I've found easily half of the ladies (and that may be conservative) are lousy at it. We've spoken with other couples in the lifestyle and have been told some ladies intentionally do a poor job so they don't have to do it. When the enthusiasm isn't there, oral sex is a turnoff. 

 

I haven't met any guys who don't thoroughly enjoy giving oral.

 

[travelingprofessional 47]

2 hours ago, discreetplay said:

I wouldn't say there are expectations of oral but it is consistently the spark that gets the night moving for the guys.

That's been my experience as well. 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

5 hours ago, discreetplay said:

With that said, I've found easily half of the ladies (and that may be conservative) are lousy at it.

 I would say this is probably accurate from my perspective, but I don't say that with regards to women, as much as to my own sense of what I like in oral sex. In swinging situations, it can take a few sessions with another lady before it can get good, if it wasn't good to start with. The lady with whom I'm playing now happens do it in a way that I really, really like. She also really enjoys doing it, and her eagerness shows. Win-win. 

 

 

5 hours ago, discreetplay said:

We've spoken with other couples in the lifestyle and have been told some ladies intentionally do a poor job so they don't have to do it. When the enthusiasm isn't there, oral sex is a turnoff.

And now you give me pause in thinking about a past (thankfully once only) swing partner. She did a fair impression of a jack hammer on me. Mr. Happy did an about face and retreated to safety. Maybe she did it to not have to do it. Hmm.

 

  

5 hours ago, discreetplay said:

I haven't met any guys who don't thoroughly enjoy giving oral.

I love giving it because the woman I am with almost always thoroughly enjoys receiving it! I really get off on doing everything I can to please my play partner, and I know it's difficult for a woman to orgasm on vaginal sex alone.