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Guest warrencouple

How do you feel about newbs who don't swap?

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LikeMinds321 said:
I think you are a contradiction.

 

Let me rewrite your most recent statement and switch the focus, that's the best way I can make my point.

 

The very thought that if someone isn't interested in becoming friends (foremost) they aren't "one of us" is offensive to me because we don't view the lifestyle like that... and although we had met some people we knew felt like that... we didn't like them because of it. I don't understand why it has to be like that and seriously, I view that opinion as immature and elitist (in a way). Like... "We are foremost looking for friends... so we are higher up in the food chain because you are interested swapping rather than making friends."

 

Your negative comparison isn't even equal really... I don't view people who are purely in it for sex below us in any way... but I certainly have noticed that those people do hold it against us... really. We just don't associate with them and make ourselves clear because I have found that a lot are particularly persistent unless you are very blunt. They don't tend to take any hints.

 

Chicup has made it perfectly clear... if it were up to him the club would only contain swapping couples. That is the exact thing I am talking about... that is fine for house parties... but I don't think clubs should adhere to that standard. By clubs I mean event locations... on premises and off premises... not "clubs" as in Carolina Friends... I think it's perfectly reasonable to form a club for swapping couples only.

 

Some people really take it personally that we aren't interested in just fucking them. I think my description of this whole thing is missing detail... but I am not really trying to out anyone by describing particular instances or situations either. Real situations have occurred that led us to our conclusions...

 

I am sorry I kind of hijacked the thread... but really it IS relevant because the thread title asks how swingers feel about non swapping couples who are new. I am only adding that I don't think that swapping is the goalpost... while there are many dissenting opinions... it's a discussion of the thread topic.

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Since I replied to the OP early on, and since this discussion has taken a turn that interests me, I am addressing it.

 

Chicup said:

You want to include non-swappers as swingers, but then exclude swingers who don't want to be your friend.

Chicup summed up precisely what I was trying to point out in my thread.

 

2plus2fun ~

 

I'll be more direct, I think you're being hypocritical and are the ones looking down your nose at swingers like us who don't need to be "friends first" to swap.

 

And I will add here that I use the term "friends" only because it's faster to type than acquaintances, which is how I see the many wonderful people we've met through swinging. Yes, we've gone to parties, Meet & Greet dinners, drinks, and socials with people and never swung with them and that's fun sometimes, but our first reason for becoming swingers was to swap with couples. This doesn't make us sluts and sex addicts. If one of our acquaintances who we think are great asked if we wanted to join them privately to watch each other play with our own partner, we'd kindly decline because it's not what we are interested in. We don't see them as less then us because they don't swap, and we would hope they wouldn't think any less of us for saying "no thank you."

 

I sense a real ire in your posts towards those of us who feel swinging is exchanging partners for sexual play. You disagree, that's okay, but I am left wondering why so much hostility over a definition of a word, and in particular, towards those of us who prefer to only engage in full swap and don't require friends before benefits.

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we look primarily for couples we want to have sex with that want to have sex with us. If it works into a real friendship great, we have had that ourselves, but we won't stress out when it doesn't happen.

 

I think that is perfectly fine... I am cool with that... what I am saying is that I don't think it's fair to exclude people as "non-swingers" just because they don't swap. We have alot of great club members that have been members for YEARS and don't swap... (most are g/g only) but are awesome club members and alot of fun to hang out with because they are just open minded about the whole thing and are cool with whatever YOU want to do at the club.

 

I think that "wasting time" on couples that don't swap is really a label for not communicating what you were looking for. This is no joke... I am not playing... when we introduce ourselves to new people we are like "Hi... We are Shawn and Sharon... we are a full swap couple... welcome to the club. :)". A little into the conversation when things are comfortable and there seems to be some chemistry... "So.. what are you guys into?". I don't wait for 3 hours to get to the point...

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LikeMinds321 said:
I'll be more direct, I think you're being hypocritical and are the ones looking down your nose at swingers like us who don't need to be "friends first" to swap.

 

You have taken what I have said completely out of context... go back and read the thread again... this whole conversation was started by my disagreement that couples that don't swap ARE newbies as Chicup posted. I am saying that the lifestyle includes alot of people who don't swap and they aren't newbies. You are really misjudging what I am saying.

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Chicup said:

You want to include non-swappers as swingers, but then exclude swingers who don't want to be your friend.

 

I think the issue isn't what the term swinger is, or how you play, or who should be included in what. The issue is what YOU as in 2plus2fun want out of swinging, and that is friendship. Its not quite cross purpose but its frustrating, so frustrating that we don't worry about it much. Maybe that makes us 'sex crazed' but we look primarily for couples we want to have sex with that want to have sex with us. If it works into a real friendship great, we have had that ourselves, but we won't stress out when it doesn't happen.

 

Wow, this thread has gone into a whole new direction. And sorry to the OP.

 

But I will say that having been on these boards for quite a few months, not everyone that posts here can be considered a true swinger, no matter who writes the definition.

 

Bottom line: We are all here to share and converse with each other about sexual urges, wants, desires, experiences, fantasies, etc. Not everyone on this board is a swinger, and not everyone will be. But we are all here discussing different situations and scenarios, and there's a lot that we can share that helps singles and couples alike with the life choices they are facing.

 

Do we swing or not swing? Do we like anal or not? Do you get turned on by watching your partner with another? Do you play separately?

 

I don't think any of us have the right to judge another, whether a single or a couple, on what they do or don't do, or like or what they don't like.

 

Isn't the whole point of this board to talk to each other, and vent, and share, and learn? This isn't a hook-up forum, or a bitch session!

 

Let's face it - none of us will agree on every topic. So what? There are so many folks out there that are searching and seeking approval and acceptance for what society does not see as normal or approved! So let's not argue with each other over semantics.

 

I don't really care if you swap or don't swap, are into BDSM, voyeurism, foot fetishes, whatever. WHO CARES?

 

No one on this board is "normal" by today's society. And we aren't going to agree on everything. Move on, get past it, and accept each other for who we are. Take the personal attacks into private messaging. There are too many marriages and relationships at stake here that are looking for those that are experienced to guide them through what seems "not normal". Remember why you're on these forums, and quit judging so harshly!

 

And back to the OP. We were newbs too, and still are in my opinion. Probably be a while before we drop that term. Be honest, up front, and don't compromise your relationship for "peer pressure". You don't have to swap with the first couple you meet. But don't lead anyone on, either. Stay true to yourselves and anyone you meet, and when you're ready, go for it.

 

Mrs NC.

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You want to include non-swappers as swingers, but then exclude swingers who don't want to be your friend.

 

I reread this again... that isn't what I am saying at all... I don't want to exclude anyone from the lifestyle... we exclude them from our personal activities if that is all they want... WE are not interested in that... someone else probably is. As I tried (but failed) to explain is that I don't think swinging is equal to the lifestyle... I think it's a much bigger tent... and I know it is purely from the reality of our experiences and the reality of our club (which I am very involved in)... even swinglifestyle.com has Tame-Wild descriptions... it's a swinger community... if Tame doesn't equal swinger than why is it there? It's there because swapping isn't an exclusive lifestyle activity.

 

I said I don't view swapping as a goalpost... really I think that whatever you want to do to appease your sexual appetite is the goalpost... if that is just same room sex... then so be it. Is someone who has had alot of same room sex experiences a newbie? I don't think so. Are they vanilla? No...

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2plus2fun said:
You have taken what I have said completely out of context... go back and read the thread again... this whole conversation was started by my disagreement that couples that don't swap ARE newbies as Chicup posted. I am saying that the lifestyle includes alot of people who don't swap and they aren't newbies. You are really misjudging what I am saying.

I understand that a lot of people who don't swap aren't newbies and I've never said otherwise. I have no disagreement with you there. All of my posts to you were written with that in mind.

 

2plus2fun said:
The lifestyle is for all kinds of people... even those who chose to never even get naked in front of others but like to watch. Those would be referred to as Voyeurs... and they are welcome in the lifestyle.

 

The lifestyle isn't about swapping... and I think that anyone who thinks that this is the primary point of the lifestyle doesn't really have a lifestyle attitude... The lifestyle community is for people with all kinds of fetishes and swapping is a limited set of fetishes. For example, a lot of BDSM lifestylers don't even have sex. They masturbate. It's all about foreplay for them.

 

Ultimately, the lifestyle is about meeting like minded individuals/couples... everyone is not into the same thing and that is the beauty of the lifestyle... diversity.

When I first read this post of yours you changed my definition of "lifestyle." And I now do not see it as synonymous with "swinging" (as I previously had) because I think you're right; the Lifestyle is an umbrella term that includes many types of people interested in sexy interaction with like-minded people.

 

I consider swingers just one group falling under that Lifestyle umbrella.

 

 

So, back to the OP, and to expand on their question:

 

How do you feel about a newb couple, who won't swap? Not even soft swap.

 

We would decline an invitation to head to a room with a newb couple who won't swap, not even soft swap. And we would decline an invitation from a NONnewb couple who won't swap, not even soft swap.

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We would not spend all night with a couple that was not full swap. We would get to know them and drink and try to get them to dance, but when a couple came along that we were both interested in, we would politely excuse ourselves to be with the couple that wants to play. Just please don't get upset when a couple leaves you to be with someone else. Most swingers are out to exchange pleasure with other people.

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Guest warrencouple
Tia Vampire said:
We would not spend all night with a couple that was not full swap. We would get to know them and drink and try to get them to dance, but when a couple came along that we were both interested in, we would politely excuse ourselves to be with the couple that wants to play. Just please don't get upset when a couple leaves you to be with someone else. Most swingers are out to exchange pleasure with other people.

 

I don't think in our case it would be a problem. The M&G we went to was at an on-premise club, members could use the play area, guests (us) could not. We did have some conversation with people (all members, only 2 guest couples including ourselves showed), but the members eventually left us. I don't believe the Mrs was hurt or upset by this, nor was I.

 

As we discussed in the car on the way back, I think it was 2 things that caused this.

1. We were both quite nervous, and uptight, being unsure what to expect. We were not the best conversationalists. We're also both rather shy, and quiet.

2. As I figured, the members were mostly there to play, and as we couldn't access the play area, why spend a lot of time on us?

 

Did this turn us off, or put us off going back to this club? No. We're actually going back in about 2 weeks for an "Intro to swinging," and talking about going to an event as members. Everyone we spoke with was quite friendly. One of the women who we met reminded me a *LOT* of someone we used to work with (it wasn't), just her incredible liveliness. It was almost funny when we told her we had never done this, and were complete newbies, and she announced to her SO that we were "fresh meat!" She did not come across "predatory" or even condescendingly, when she said this. Frankly, despite her (possibly, I suck at guessing ages) maybe being old enough to be my mother, if the Mrs was OK with her SO, and we were swap (of any sort), I'd have been willing to play with her.:)

(No, age doesn't bother me)

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No, we wouldn't be interested in a couple that didn't swap. We've often sat and chatted with new couples and answered any questions they had....even directing them to this board for good info :) But if we know they aren't interested in playing, we'll politely excuse ourselves and move on.

 

Warrencouple, have you tried the local off-premise dances? They're a great place to dress sexy, flirt, and get a little risque without worrying about playing with others. Just a thought. And to be honest, I wasn't aware of the club you visited. So thanks for the heads up on a local on-premise club ;) We'll have to check it out.

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Guest warrencouple
WildMiCouple said:
Warrencouple, have you tried the local off-premise dances? They're a great place to dress sexy, flirt, and get a little risque without worrying about playing with others. Just a thought. And to be honest, I wasn't aware of the club you visited. So thanks for the heads up on a local on-premise club ;) We'll have to check it out.

 

Yeah, tomorrow night, we're going to an off-premise, that's closer to home, give that a try. As for the worrying about playing with others, we weren't worried about it, as we knew we couldn't go to the play areas. One advantage of having a near insatiable curiosity, I tend to research the heck out of something, and so tend to have some idea what I'm getting into. It definitely helped when we went to the club.

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warrencouple said:
Yeah, tomorrow night, we're going to an off-premise, that's closer to home, give that a try.

 

How did that go?

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Guest warrencouple
How did that go ?

 

It would have been great, if it weren't for the fact that it's actually tonight...

:o

 

I've got the thing in my phones calendar, it said 2/21, I've glanced at the clubs site a couple times, and seen "Saturday," and yet I spend the entire week thinking it was Friday...

 

Sigh.

 

Well, at least the Mrs is looking forwards to it, some, and so am I. One thing the off-premise has that the on-premise didn't is something to do other than dancing (pool table, darts) She's not into dancing, and I'm more a people watcher, which was fun at the on-premise, for a guy:D.

 

Jason

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warrencouple said:
On the "doing something just because we're there," the wife is still some jumpy about this. I doubt she'd let us do anything she / we aren't comfortable with. We had another heart-to-heart last night, in part because, well, my imagination was running ahead of the script, and trying to guess the ending.

 

Her biggest concern was disappointing, and hurting me. As I told her, while likely if she were to decide (hopefully after we go at least once) that this isn't for us, yes, I'd be disappointed, but not hurt. We're in this together, one way or the other.

 

I think I might suggest we go to one of the local off-premise tonight, just for the heck of it.

 

Wow, I could say that your situation sounds identical to ours just about a year ago. I had every terrible, awful, catastrophic, thought imaginable about what could, or might happen...never in a million years did I expect that I would be the one that absolutely LOVED it. I thought that for sure I wasn't pretty enough, or had a nice enough body, or that everyone walking around the club would have playmate bodies etc... No matter what my husband said about how beautiful or sexy I was, I was convinced that his image of me would be shattered when he realized that nobody else found me attractive! Hahaha, well, needless to say it went nothing like that. The people at the club were wonderful (we went on a newbie night, which helped me a lot), I have yet to find anyone with a perfect body (although there were some beautiful ones) and I felt very comfortable. I never would have expected the reality that I found at the club..going there was the only way. I had to see it to believe tit...as cliche as that sounds.

 

When I get more time without the kids over my shoulder I will post in the first experiences thread... it was spectacular!

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Guest warrencouple
fun4Ds said:
How did that go ?

 

Well, we gave the off-premise a try tonight...

 

Didn't go so well. We got there, kind of floated around (partly trying to get clear of the smokers, she hates smoking, and the smell of cigarettes) DJ played a slow song, so we danced, then opted to play a round of pool.

 

The problem being, it seemed almost like most everyone, knew everyone / someone, except us. Shortly after we finished up at the pool table, she started to get upset, and couldn't explain why, so we packed it in and came home.

 

We're starting to think that possibly, this isn't for us. As she put it, what is there for us to do if we aren't into some sort of swap? We're not dancers, we're not social people (we figured we can count people we consider friends on 2 hands with fingers left over,) we don't drink...

 

I suggested (as I think someone here did to me,) we could try surfing SLS for a couple that seems to be in our comfort range, and perhaps try chatting / meeting someplace (not a club situation,) just to be able to talk to someone who's already in the lifestyle, or more in than we are...

 

I've told her to take some time, try to figure out if she wants to keep trying, or not. Partly, she's concerned now, that she might have been doing this to make me happy. I've told her, she doesn't need to make me happy by doing this, as long as she's with me, I'm happy. I've also left it up to her as to whether we go to the Intro to Swinging Lifestyle at the on-premise we've been to, or not.

 

We'll see how things turn out, one way or the other.

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      Sue then walked out in a light pink harem outfit that was totally sheer exposing her breasts and nipples as if she was topless.  The guys went crazy.  They started yelling "tits for tips" and with that Sue looked at me and with a sly grin I nodded my head and she proceeded to take her top down and did a final walk around each table being completely topless.  When she got back to the room she was changing in, the woman walked in and handed her another fifty dollars in tips and said she had done a great job. 
       
      As Sue and I were walking out to head back to the dorm a man who was at the fashion show was waiting for us and said that he owned a restaurant and if we both were looking to make a few extra dollars he could use us for about 4 hours every Saturday from noon to 4pm.  The restaurant was called "R Donuts".  The job for me would be to buss tables, and for Sue it would be as a topless waitress (hence the "R" Donut name). We told him we'd think about it. 
       
      See part 2 as this story of the journey from shyness to hotwife continues.
    • By Wendans
      My fantasy has always been to watch my wife get fucked by another man. We have been with another woman before which is a whole story in itself that I’ll tell you about later.
       
      One night several years ago my wife and I had gone to a club. Not your ordinary club, but a good club for swingers and singles. The night had started out rather slow and we were not finding any action that I had hoped. My wife knows what she wants and that is what we go with. And that night we found what she wanted and it was such a great experience she knew she wanted to do it again. She had gotten fucked by a black guy and she had enjoyed it. So, when we got the chance, she wanted to try it again.
       
      Being at a swinger’s club isn’t really her thing, but fucking in front of people or listening to them fuck is a big turn-on for her. Since we don’t live close to any swingers’ clubs or anything of that nature, we don’t get many opportunities to do anything like this.
       
      A couple of years ago we got a chance to go to another club. Yes, one of those clubs. We were looking for a little fun and hoping to find something as good as the last time we were out. We talked to many people as the night went on and my wife was trying to figure out what we were going to be doing to have fun that night. There was a hot blonde that was interested in us and kept on grabbing my cock which my wife was loving because this was getting her going. My wife and I decided that this was not what we had in mind for tonight, so we just kind of let that slide and we went on to pursue something else. She said she would know it when she saw it.
       
      My wife had put a couple of drinks down and was feeling pretty good now. She was a little more daring and said she wanted to go change outfits like she did when we had been to a club previously. We had brought the very same sexy outfit that was see through, so she went and changed into it. When she came back out, there was not one guy's eyes on anyone but her. Even the women were looking on in awe. She is a beautiful woman that knows how to control a room.
       
      One guy came up to me and told me he was jealous. He said he would do anything to get to fuck my wife, but she just didn’t feel right with him, I guess. As we were standing around, in came this well-built younger black guy and I think she almost came right there. The look on her face was almost mind blowing. She got this horny grin and told me she was ready to start our night. As he walked by her, she gave him this dirty smile and took her hand and rubbed down by her cunt. He stopped walking and came over to her and asked if he could help her with anything. She just smiled and said that I think you already know what you can do. They danced around a little bit, but I could tell she couldn’t take it anymore, so she quickly unzipped his pants and took out his cock and grabbed it and lead him into another room like a dog on a leash.
       
      I stayed back a couple of minutes to give them some time to get to know each other. When I did finally get to the other room, they had already undressed and she was sucking his cock. It was larger than mine. Not much longer, but thicker. I could tell she liked it.
       
      My wife had picked a room where people would be able to watch if they wanted to. I stayed back in the wings and was kind of hidden so she really didn’t know I was even there.  As I watched my wife in action, I could tell she was enjoying every second of this guy’s cock. She was sucking it like there was no tomorrow.
       
      Now it was his turn to return the favor. He got his face down to her pussy and started licking like it was candy. She was turning red and I could tell she was already about to cum. She was squirming and shaking and he was getting her cunt all ready for his big shaft. But before he fucked her, he now spread her legs out and started fingering her pussy to the point that she started squirting fluids all over the sheet they were laying on. It was like the flood gates had opened up and all the juices were flowing.
       
      She finally had all she could take because I’m sure she had cum multiple times already and I could tell she just wanted to have him inside her. I heard her say to give me your big, black cock. He asked her if she wanted him to put on a condom and she told him no, she wanted to feel him inside her cunt.
       
      He took her and spread her legs wide and slowly inserted his bbc into her tight cunt. She told him to go slowly because she said it was so big that she needed to get used to it. After several minutes of the slow movement, she said she needed him to fuck her harder so he started to go full penetration into her dripping wet cunt. She was telling him how good his cock felt, and how she loved fucking him.
       
      They switched positions multiple times with her sitting on top of his cock and riding him like she has never ridden before. My wife took his whole cock inside of her as deeply as she could, rubbing back and forth and cumming time and time again.
       
      They finally switched back to missionary style and were fucking hard when I heard her say to him, she wanted him to cum in her pussy. She said she wanted to feel his cum drip out of her pussy all night long. When he heard her say that, he started to pick up the pace and finally started moaning and said he was about to cum. My wife was now cumming herself and as he shot his load inside of her, she started squirming and shaking with every pulse of his exploding cock. Her body was red from all of her orgasms, and I could tell she was getting worn out. They had gone for almost 40 minutes of nonstop action. Not to mention that all the other people that had gathered around to watch started going to other parts of the place as they had gotten a show that they would remember forever.
       
      When he pulled his now soft cock out of my wife, I could see the cum dripping down her ass. She was getting what she wanted, I guess. She would be able to feel his cum dripping out of her the rest of the night. But I didn’t realize that she was not done yet. She wanted more. My wife took his cock and started sucking on it again. I guess he was young enough that almost instantly he got hard and she took his cock and guided it into her cunt and said she needed more of his cum. He fucked her for another 10 minutes until he exploded with more cum inside my wife’s pussy again. Again, as I watched the cum drip down her ass, she was getting what she wanted. She was going to feel this the rest of the night.
       
      They both started cleaning up a little and I slowly came out of the crowd that had gathered. She saw me and gave me that dirty little smile she sometimes gets. My wife asked me if I had enjoyed her show. She said she needed to have a little more cum in her pussy tonight and she now wanted mine. Her new little friend just kind of sat back in the corner and decided to watch us.
       
      I knew I wouldn’t last long because I had almost cum multiple times just watching her. With some of the crowd still watching I got undressed, and slid my wet with pre-cum cock into my wife’s cum-loaded pussy. I fucked her until she started cumming. Her cunt convulsed so hard that it squeezed my cock and made me start to cum. I came in her pussy, mixing my cum with my wife’s new fuck buddies cum. I pulled my cock out and watched it all slowly slide down her ass. She got up and went over to our young fuck buddy and she gave him a long passionate kiss and said thank you for such a great time. He gave her one last little finger fucking and handed her a card of his if we were ever in the area again.
       
      He left after he got dressed and we got cleaned up and went out to the main room. I had multiple people including women and even the bartender say that my wife was one of the women they would like to fuck if they ever got a chance after seeing her in action. I guess I’m the lucky one here.
       
      Later that night when we were driving to our resort, she slipped her hand down pants and put her fingers in her pussy. She brought them out and rubbed them on my face. She smiled and said we gotta do this again sometime as we pulled into the parking lot to call it a night.
       
      And what a night it was.
    • By English Flames
      I have a fantasy of being pegged by my wife at say, a swinger house party, with the door open or some how on display for passerby’s to watch. My only concern is whether this would be considered disrespectful or against an unspoken etiquette? I can understand it’s not for everyone.
    • By LovelyLynn
      I have a question for the experienced couples on the board. For quite a while I have had the desire to be in a more sexually charged environment while having sex with my husband. Now, I have been hanging around this board and learned a lot about the maturity required to swing and I must say I am impressed by a lot of you. The reason I bring this up is because I would like your opinions. I am wanting to find some couples or groups that are open and mature like yourselves to watch while each couple has sex.
       
      I am in my 20's and find that a lot of couples around my age lack maturity when it is called for. Of course for a lot of couples at any age it seems can barely keep their own relationships together. On the other hand it seems that a lot of you put respect and your relationships above all else. Other than the fact that I am not technically a swinger (yet ), I feel you people share more in common with my ideals than most groups of people.
       
      I would love to try new things but I'm not near ready for a 4some or swapping. However, I feel that being in and getting comfortable as a couple around swingers would open the door to a lot of new experiences for me.
       
      So I was curious how the couples on here would feel about having a non swapping couple around having sex in the same room as them? Does it make a difference to you if there are just 2 couples, more than 2, group sex, or swapping going on in the room? What do you think the best way to go about it would be? Is this something that Swingers in general accept?
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