I don't know what to do...

[jid2008 16]

I am a guy. I've been friends with this girl for about 8 years, very close. I used to hang out at her house with her, alone, when she had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend (who is now my wife). I was always faithful to my wife/girlfriend and never did anything sexually with her, and though the conversation about sex did come up, I tried my hardest not to cross any lines, especially after making friends with her boyfriend.

 

One night her boyfriend went to bed drunk and we talked...a lot. She told me about being bored with her sex life and that he is very boring in bed, never wants to try anything new, and will come as soon as he's ready without getting her off. I finally admitted after a while that my wife and I had gotten bored and had been with another couple and it charged us up big time.

 

The thing is, he is the last guy you would expect to be such a closed book when it comes to sexuality. She is a freak and he doesn't even want to talk about it on a fishing trip.

 

Tonight, she has been sending picture messages to my wife (because my wife is very interested in having her way with her as well). She exchanged back and forth but we have to hide this big time from him. I don't know what he would do if he found out about any of this.

 

He is the type that gets drunk and loses all of his inhibitions. We were hoping we could loosen him up and present it, because he won't even talk about sex otherwise, but she is about to explode...and after these pics, so are we. The whole reason for including him is that I don't want to do something like that to my friend. If we had went out and had a sexy time at a strip club and what not and got a few drinks in us, we feel like we could get it out of our system, and he would be a willing participant (although intoxicated) so he couldn't be mad at us. That, plus he'd get his way with my hot wife as well.

 

I just don't know what to do. That last paragraph made me look very bad, and probably even a bit immature in our swinging. We are the same couple you will see denying girls if their husband doesn't know, or guys whose wives don't know...but we're talking about a very sexy girl who is turned on by my wife but has never done anything with a woman, and my sexy wife who really wants to be with this girl. Not only that, but I have always been attracted to her in a friendly way, and she's very easy on the eyes. She has a great personality and she is and always has been an open book with me.

 

Do you think this guy would really turn us down if we were all in a room together, drinking or not, and my wife said "pull down your pants, I'm going to suck your cock" and his girlfriend was cool with it?

 

I'm so confused, and bothered. Bothered because I've never wanted to be that guy sneaking around, being involved or knowing about text messages like this, etc. I have always been a loyal friend to all of my friends, and I have had some that have been really, really fucked over by their so called "good" friends.

 

I'm in a quandry, and I wish it was as easy as just saying "No, we can't do this..." But I can't help myself. Every time we get with her and he walks out of the room she starts talking about it. When we separated at the mall last week, she was asking my wife about how it was eating a girl out, what it did to our sex lives, etc. I just don't know what to do.

[slevin 1,374]

Well, I'll be honest. There is probably a decent chance that you get the guy drunk and the three of you can manoever the situation so you can all swing. Unfortunately there is also a pretty decent chance that there will be some major drama either in the midst of the swinging activities or directly afterwards. If he is that closed off and repressed then when he's sober the next day and remembering what his girlfriend so eagerly did....well I'd say there is an almost guaranteed waft of drama if not a breakup.

 

You say he is repressed, bad in bed and an insensitive lover. Why the hell would you want to subject your wife to that?!

 

I know it's not the answer you want to hear, though the one I think you knew was coming; tell her that you would love to do this with her, but that you can't go through with it unless he is a willing participant sober. Tell her she needs to bring it up with him beforehand and you all need to sit down and talk about it as a group. Otherwise you two can't get involved. Also, stop the suggestive and sexual conversations; if she won't stop, let her know that you aren't comfortable with the sexual conversations unless she is seeking advice about the swinging lifestyle and advice on how to break the conversation to him.

[IvoryTowers 380]

I think there are two issues here and you are confusing them.

 

1. You and your wife are interested in having sex with your female friend.

 

2. Your friend has a terrible sex life with her husband.

 

It's easy to see why these two issues seem like they will cancel each other out, but think what will happen AFTER you get the boyfriend drunk and have a foursome. Do you think there won't be repercussions? Do you think he'll magically be a good and uninhibited lover after being taken advantage of while drunk? Hardly. Mostly likely case is that he'll be ashamed, hurt and shut down even more. Almost as likely is that he'll feel betrayed enough to want a divorce.

 

Issue number 1 needs to be set aside until after issue number 2 is solved. You cannot solve issue number 2, although you can provide moral support to your friend.

 

Your friend needs to sit her boyfriend down, stone cold sober, and say something along the lines of "I love you (if she still does) but I am unsatisfied with our sex life. It's making me deeply unhappy and I can't go on like this. I know you're uncomfortable talking about this, but we have to. If you refuse to talk about this, I'm going to have to end this relationship."

 

or she can simply dump him, if she's at that point. Either way, once she's gotten rid of him/gotten him to agree to swinging/gotten him to agree she can have sex with other men, then you can sleep with your friend.

 

There will still be repercussions, but they'll be less brutal and you'll be in the clear, morally.

[lizandtom 512]

Ivory and Slevin have stated exactly what needs to be done perfectly imho. You and your wife should absolutely back off completely, telling your female friend that it is up to her to talk to her b/f about it all and feel him out. How would you feel if YOU were the odd man out and found out later that your wife was colluding with the other couple behind your back? I can understand why you two are so hot and heavy for her, but the circumstances aren't within swing etiquette as they stand.

[Speed & Trixie 163]

If I found out that Speed was talking to a couple behind my back, with plans to get me drunk and "ambush" me, I'd be VERY upset It's really not fair for three people to discuss a foursome!

 

We are brand-new to this, but I thought honesty and communication were the two MUSTs when it comes to a good relationship (and, therefore, a good swinging relationship). Does your friend's BF even know she thinks their sex life is boring her?!? I agree with the other posters -- the situation seems very tempting sexually, but if you don't come clean with this guy now, you're in for LOTS of drama. And why put your friend that you care about thru that? Let alone you and your wife....

[NCfuncouple98 367]

It's never a good idea to try and convince anyone to swing. No matter how interested you and your wife are, or the girlfriend, ambushing him will certainly backfire.

 

Look at it this way. You and your wife are swingers. How long were you together before you not only considered it, but actually took the first step towards acting on it?

 

Sure, you could probably get a few drinks in him and he may loosen up, and even act on it. He most certainly will wake up in the morning with regrets, jealousies, confused feelings, etc., because he has never been given the chance to consider swinging.

 

No matter how much you and your wife would like to play with her, or with both of them, this is between them. She needs to talk to him and broach the swinging conversations and give him time to consider it. Remember that swinging is supposed to enhance a couple's sexuality, not fix something that is broken.

 

In the meantime, continue to be her friend, but take sex off the table. Respect their relationship until she decides where it is going.

[3sumfun 15]

She need's to sit down with him and bring the subject up and see if he would be comfortable with the situation. If she cannot sit down and talk to him about the situation I don't see what you have planned as a good situation. In all reality not everyone is a swinger.

You might get him drunk and tell him you want to swap partners, he may go for it. However, there is a chance it would also end your friendship right there. You say that you are friends with them, I would keep my friendship and look else where. Just my 2 cents

[Chicup 42]

You know what to do, you just don't' want to do it.

 

Lust is like that.

 

The question isn't how do you convince him to swing, you don't. If hes not open to it sober hes not open to it period. Its going to be most likely ugly. I know a couple who tried something like this. Lets just say a complete disaster (no it wasn't us ).

 

The question is why is she still with him? If she wants to remain with him you don't do this unless they both get on the same page. If she wants to leave him you don't do this until the ties have been severed.

 

Think with your head not your dick and you will come out of this fine, maybe still lusting but fine.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Does he own a gun? Safety first.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

One night her boyfriend went to bed drunk and we talked...a lot. She told me about being bored with her sex life and that he is very boring in bed, never wants to try anything new, and will come as soon as he's ready without getting her off. I finally admitted after a while that my wife and I had gotten bored and had been with another couple and it charged us up big time.

I think you know this isn't going to work and now you're wondering how to handle things from this point.

 

You're first mistake was admitting to a woman who is dissatisfied with sex with her boyfriend that you and your wife swing. You gave her the impression that swinging takes care of sexual disharmony in a relationship, and it won't. It can spice things up between a couple who have openly discussed their interest in trying new things with each other first, working on that, and then maybe inviting others into their bedroom. But when this doesn't come first, swinging isn't the remedy.

 

You and your wife have led this gal on and she's not going to be happy about you backing out. But that's what you need to do. You and your wife need to come to an agreement that this was a mistake and how you'll both handle things with her/them from here.

 

Explain to the girlfriend that you realize you made a mistake by suggesting swinging with her/them and that you're sorry you didn't use better judgement. She'll probably be pissed as hell at you and may spill the beans about all that has transpired between you, your wife, and her...including her sending suggestive pics to you. So be prepared to hear from your buddy if he finds this out.

 

Best you can do is stop the sexual dialogue with the girlfriend and back away from the topic of swinging.

 

Let us know what you decide to do and how things go.

 

Good luck.

 

LM

[lovefest04 701]

I have to agree with the other posts.

 

We have a lot of friends that we'd love to play with, but we don't want to cross that line even if we could convince them. This really is black and white. She's your friend, she's hot and you really shouldn't play with her.

 

Unlike others, I don't think you should play with them even if she tells you she's talked about it etc. Lots of room for drama and frankly, if he is anything like you've described, he's not into this AT ALL.

 

So, what can you do to enjoy this sexy lady?

 

If you do find her attractive, then do what we do, fantasize about her when you and your wife are together. Bring her into your love making and have fun with that, but let it be you're little secret.

 

I can't tell you how many of our friends find their way into our bedroom and they don't even know it. Then. we'll be at a party and my wife will slide up next to me and comment about one of our fantasy people, "Hey Nancy's ass looks great tonight, wouldn't you like to spank her" or whatever and move off. Totally hot, sexy, playful and harmless.

 

We keep our friendships and our sex lives healthy.

 

I do wonder if others do this or are we freaks? I also wonder if you found out friends of your's did this about you or your wife how would that make you feel?

 

I'd guess most of us would say we'd love it and then say, if they only knew what we could really do together.

 

Sorry to hijack the thread, back to the original programming now. We'll after I think about the sexy neighbor down the street for awhile.

 

There, I go again....

 

S

[lustylearning 705]

I guess my question, and it's a question I always ask when considering play with a vanilla, is what are you going to do if you're successful, and you guys get her? What next? Will she magically become a swinger? Will your friendship remain intact? Will she be feeling regretful? Will you? Will this be a regular activity? Just some thoughts to consider. Sometimes we hype possibilities with people we want, only to realize we had unrealistic hopes from the beginning. As swingers, we see sex as a recreational activity. If your friend is not a swinger, I'd caution you against assuming that she views things the same way.

 

Oh, let me add, her boring sex life is not your problem.

[lovinher 505]

What do you think he'll do when he wakes up the next day sober and starts thinking about you banging his girlfreind? Why chance it?

[iapr 24]

Leave these two alone for awhile and just be patient. If she is that much of a horndog and he is that much of a stuffed shirt, they are going to split up in a matter of time anyway.

 

Don't get involved and don't have any egg on your face when they split. After the break up she will be your own little fuck-bunny concubine for awhile untill she finds another boyfriend that satisfies her.

 

Tell her to look you up for a hell of a good time after they split and then stay out of their affairs and bide your time.

[realcplub2 513]

Ok While I agree with the advice thus far.. I diverge from the pack in one respect..

 

I don't care HOW repressed this guy is (the boyfriend) when it comes to the GUYS talking about sex, they usually open up..

 

Why do you feel you need to get this guy DRUNK to get him to capitulate? If it was us, I would keep the drinks FAR from his hand or make him NEARLY VIRGIN drinks..

 

If he's that repressed about sex, is it for religious reasons upbringing or ? If thats the case, whats it say to his willingness to get drunk?

 

Here are your options..

 

First: if the sex life is that bad with this guy, as was asked above, why would your wife wanna give him a try.. Your freind should already have a answer to that question, and if you spice up her sex life with this guy.. its not going to change much except fueling her break up.. If he is hair trigger harry, swinging will not change the trigger time..

 

Wait for her to ditch the boyfriend and be her "recovery" sex

 

Second: Forget about it entirely, and move on.. Leave your freindship as it is, rather than adding the benifets. Which means bringing the sexy texts to an end and you and your wife stopping the fantasies about her until you are sure she is free, or HE is "better"

 

 

Think before you act...

[junkyard38 21]

The three of you are asking for serious trouble. You as the male just might be on the recipient end of two black eyes or worse getting very cold at the mortuary.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Danger Will Robinson!! Red Flags Ahead, Avoid Flagged Area!

 

Seriously, your brain knows the answer to this. The hardest situations are ones where our brains know the right thing to do. Read back through your first post as if it were someone else posting it and think about how you would answer them. Then follow whatever advice you give yourself.

 

I have to agree with others, you could probably pull this off with alcohol involved... but would you really want to? Would it be worth the drama that would surely ensue? Is it worth potentially losing a friend over? In this situation I have to say that is the likely outcome however you choose to pursue it. If you do it sober you may freak him out (even if he goes with it - trust me here I've made that mistake). If you do it drunk, then you got him drunk and took advantage of him and you deserve to lose a friend for doing so.

[twoforone100 45]

Perhaps more important is he a good shot.

 

 

She needs to talk with him first and come to an understanding with him. Either a split, permission, swinging, or an open relationship.

 

 

Then decide what to do... You want things but you can't always have them...

 

 

Look at all the things that might happen and how many of them are good..vrs how many are bad.

[qreskupl7476 137]

Been there, done that, almost exactly to a T. Actually having a hard time believing how similar this situation is to our own. Don't do it. The seed has been planted, and if it's meant to grow, it will. We tried to force a situation like this and did not turn out good. Luckily things didn't go very far, and we're all still friends, although the other girl is still frustrated as all hell that we won't let anything else happen unless her hubby miraculously gets on board somehow. If he does it because he's drunk, he WILL have regrets, and there WILL be drama afterwards. If you value your friendship with either of these people, or your life for that matter, don't go there.

[Meetussoon 68]

An ambush or plan, where 3 are in on it, and the 4th isn't, EVEN A WILLING 4th is a bad idea. We had this experience. We chatted with a couple from swinglifestyle for several weeks. We saw them both on the web cam, and even played on the cam several times.

 

One night, on short notice the kids were out of the house and we wanted to go out. Dropped them an e-mail. He responded that they would be at a local resteraunt for dinner, would meet us in the bar, but he was not going to tell her we were coming - it would be a surprise, and to spark up conversation pretending we were strangers.

 

We thought ok, she has seen us on cam - why not. We saw them at the bar, sat next to them, and pretty quickly started small talk. They invited us to have dinner with them, and during dinner- after obvious flirting and hint dropping, we openly invited them home. They told us they would talk about it together, and call us on the cell.

 

We headed home to set up candles, get out the blankets and toy kit etc. They called and said they were on the way. They arrived, we drank wine and soon enough all four of us were naked sharing eachother's partner. After round 1, we were chatting a bit, sipping wine and she confronted him. "You think I'm so stupid not to know you set this up?!!" "You don't respect me enough to be honest, and play this fucking game!!?"

 

And, while the wine was obviously a factor -- SHE WAS RIGHT. She got up, quickly dressed despite his protestations and apology, and left him at our home. I ended up driving him home, because she never came back and would not answer her phone.

 

No ambushes or schemes to sneak up on someone --

 

Meetussoon