Men: Do you approach women?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The whole "women rule the swinging world" statement has a lot of connotations, one of which is the idea that women have to be the ones to do the approaching and that the men should sit idly by until they are approached.

 

I know a lot of men who are shy and quite honestly a lot of women who are shy too... so I have a really hard time believing that most swinging men sit back and let them women take full control in swinging and wait for them the women to do the approaching. So what about it men? Are you willing and do you approach women you find attractive? Or do you send your wife over to do the approaching? Or do you wait for the other woman?

 

And women (because I know some of you are reading this) what are your feelings? Do you feel that men should wait for you to approach them? How comfortable are you being the one to do the approaching?

[Chicup 42]

Mrs. Chicup is pretty shy over all, so I end up doing most of the approaching and have to be the forward one. It doesn't work as well as the other way around of course

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

First of all, the conventional wisdom that women rule in the lifestyle is certainly true. But I never took it to mean that women are the gender who take the initiative. The meaning I take is that women have the final say in what goes on.

 

Anyway, I can report with confident that JoAnn does about 50 percent of the initial contacts and I do about 50 percent. I'm talking about the in-person contacts; approaches and flirtations made at meet-n-greets, club parties and house parties. I like to chat up the girls -- even the ones who don't seem (initially) to be interested in me. I have occasionally been awarded for this persistence. The cheerleader does sometime favor the nerd over the jock. Anyway, women are interesting even if coitus is not the object of the exercise.

 

~Michael

[The Fuse 1,012]

I am in the same boat as Chicup, only in reverse. Mr. Fuse would rather breathe flame than take the initiative. It is really rather frustrating to me. I am more comfortable doing it, and it seems to work well in swinging anyway.

 

As far as a man approaching me, if there has been eye contact and a smile, I am more than fine with it. I'm fine with it anyway. Why should they have to sit back and wait for their wives to do all the work?

[WildMiCouple 325]

Tam's the outgoing one and I hang on for the ride I've always thought that I was rather reserved around people....never really starting the conversation or making the first move to say hello, even if it's someone I already know. But since we've been swinging, I make it a point to be more outgoing and flirty. It's not hard when you're married to a professor of flirting So nowadays I usually have it in me to approach most any girl I'm interested in. And when I mention to some of our close friends that I'm really a kinda shy guy, I'll get a look like "who the hell are you kidding"

 

But if it's a girl I'm really interested in, I pull out all stops and enlist my wingman for support

 

Brett

[Chicup 42]

I am in the same boat as Chicup, only in reverse. Mr. Fuse would rather breathe flame than take the initiative. It is really rather frustrating to me. I am more comfortable doing it, and it seems to work well in swinging anyway.

 

We gotta get together one of these years

[Cpl2share 147]

As a rule I am the "anti social" person and Mrs. Cpl is the outgoing one. When it comes to playtime though: We were brought up very "old fashioned". Respect a lady! I will approach a woman and flirt, suggest, what have you. But it is our policy (never discussed, just evolved) it is up to the woman to make the actual first physical contact. In some ways we still hang onto the old "don't touch a woman there unless you are asked to". Works for us, I rarely get slapped (LOL) and she has never met a man who did not like that unexpected grope.

[Guest screaminggood]

My husband is more reserved, but we usually hook up with playmates on the dance floor...where his hands definitely aren't reserved (he hasn't gotten in trouble YET). I love men, and women, who come on to me....so the more flirting the better.

[good times 991]

We are both fairly outgoing, but I would say on average I approach women I find attractive more often than Mrs. GT approaches men she finds attractive. Most often we initially approach other couples together though.

 

While I have often read here that women should approach the other couple, in practice I don't think it makes much difference. Whatever works and gets you all together seems fine to me.

[Trace Ekies 186]

It's interesting for me...I have no problem flirting and making innuendo in the vanilla world because there's a natural barrier between us...I'm married. But in the Lifestyle this barrier doesn't exist so I fear that my being forward and flirting and making innuendo may be perceived that I have made the assumption that they like me beyond just some friendly banter. And as I have mentioned on several occasions here on the boards, I can't stand the thought of being thought of as "that guy".

 

Mrs. Ekies complains that I take it too far and some women feel I don't like them or that I'm standoff-ish. I am working to improve the balance...but erring on the side of not pushy.

 

Did I answer the question?

 

Trace

[cplndixie 15]

Do I approach women? Yes... depending. For the most part, yes I do. If she or the couple is alone, I will most of the time as a no pressure approach. Hi I am "Mr Dixie" & my wife "Mrs Dixie" is right over there & we are cplndixie. How are you/yall tonight? Having a good time? Where are you/yall from? etc, etc.

However, if she or they are in a group of people, I almost never approach her/them. Personally, I am not comfortable going into a group of people talking/visiting.

I used to DJ & bounce in a very popular club here & I got used to walking the floor & mingling, so now I dont sit much. I am always moving around & visiting so its easier for me than it maybe for some people.

[LFM2 1,482]

We are both fairly outgoing, but I would say on average I approach women I find attractive more often than Mrs. GT approaches men she finds attractive. Most often we initially approach other couples together though.

 

While I have often read here that women should approach the other couple, in practice I don't think it makes much difference. Whatever works and gets you all together seems fine to me.

 

This is pretty much us, verbatim.

[CXXC 435]

Mrs. CXXC loves the man or woman to approach her. However, it is rare that they ever get the chance as she is one of the most outgoing individuals I have ever met! She will start up a conversation with a cactus. If it does not respond in time, she will go talk to the water lilly. The same is true with humans.

As for me, I too have no shy bones in my body. Either individuals or a group, I will find a way to engage the people into a conversation. When all the humans fail, I go talk tot he cactus. I have more patience than Mrs. CXXC. I'll wait for the reply!

[toycple 19]

We both like to equally approach people. I will approach women that I find attrative and chat them up, but that is about it. I will try to make furthur introductions with my wife and her SO, where it goes from there I leave to the women.

[cari and mar 45]

Tam's the outgoing one and I hang on for the ride I've always thought that I was rather reserved around people....never really starting the conversation or making the first move to say hello, even if it's someone I already know. But since we've been swinging, I make it a point to be more outgoing and flirty. It's not hard when you're married to a professor of flirting So nowadays I usually have it in me to approach most any girl I'm interested in. And when I mention to some of our close friends that I'm really a kinda shy guy, I'll get a look like "who the hell are you kidding"

 

Brett

We are almost exactly the same way. He is on the shy side when it comes to meeting/introduction, but has been working to improve his ice breaking skills (verbal and non-verbal). As someone else said above, getting out on the dance floor can REALLY help - it's too loud to hear anyway, so you let the body do the talking :-)

[willyoats 324]

My wife is the old fashioned type who waits for the guy to approach her. That's definitely not because she is shy!!! The guy who approaches her and sweet talks her in the right way is in for a real treat. Only a couple of times has she taken off after a hunk like a greyhound after a rabbit.

 

On the other hand, I usually initiate a contact. Occasionally a woman has initiated a conversation that has lead to a play date, but it doesn't happen often. When it happens it is flattering and has never been a disappointment.

 

The "women rule" idea applies in our case only to her being able to say "no" and that's the end of it!

[MrkLin 393]

I'm going to cop out here, but only because it's the truth. We approach couples as a couple. If one of us is at the bar ordering drinks and someone introduces themselves to us, and we kind of click, we make it a point to go get the other and let it be known that we're together. We're there as a couple and we stay that way.

[xyzzy07 15]

We usually approach couples as a couple. My wife is shy (except when the guy is very good looking!) so I typically do the talking. Then she picks it up after the ice is broken.

 

I feel comfortable approaching women, but since my wife is very picky about the guy's looks, in most situations it'd be a waste of time.