really kill the mood for me

[Guest Unregistered]

Good day,

 

I know the answer to my question, but just in case this has happen to anyone eles they may have advice or a different view of these statements. We are setting up 3 some for Saturday.

 

"If you ___ mess this up in any way, then I will boot your ass to the door , right in front of HER, any problems and I will never see you again, ever. I dont care how much you cry to get back with me . You make any problems your out, forever."

 

Why would a Man (Lovers for 10 years) say this to his woman, after she has helped plan the 3some and really kill the mood for me to even want to now! I am so upset, and confused .

 

I am serious, this is our first 3 some with another woman. I know everyone is going to tell me to tell him to take a hike, but any insight? WHY would he do this?

 

Thank you so much!

 

much appreciated...

[rpu3 630]

I'm sorry, but the most I can come up with is, "Because whoever you are referring to is a complete asshole who only cares about himself and his good time and seems to not give a lick about you at all on many levels." Unfortunately, the psychologist of this household is not home to get his .02 as to "why".

 

Seriously, there is only are few situations I would tell The Spousal Unit something like that - abuse, cheating, murder and stealing are the big ones. A threesome not going perfectly? That's not a situation in which that kind of threat is appropriate.

 

I hope you call it off if only to protect the other party - if she knew that had been said, I'd guess there's a 95% chance she wouldn't want to be anywhere near this situation.

 

And I am sincerely sorry you are experiencing this bullshizzle. Confused and upset would be understatements.

[Chicup 41]

Because he cares about his own wants more than yours.

 

He really wants to have a threesome and doesn't give a shit about your feelings. He's worried you will screw up his fantasy from coming true and is trying to bully you so you don't back out and mess up his pleasure.

 

Now tell him to take a hike. You really asked 'why are some people selfish assholes?'. Life is to short to live your life with one.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

SPOUSAL ABUSE.

 

How else does your spouse/lover abuse you?

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

"If you ___ mess this up in any way, then I will boot your ass to the door , right in front of HER, any problems and I will never see you again, ever. I dont care how much you cry to get back with me . You make any problems your out, forever."

 

Why would a Man (Lovers for 10 years) say this to his woman, after she has helped plan the 3some and really kill the mood for me to even want to now! I am so upset, and confused .

For your man--who has been your lover for 10 years--to make such a strong statement, I have to think there is a history of problems between you (separate from swinging) that has caused him to threaten to "boot your ass to the door...(and) never see you again, ever."

 

There is more to the story.

 

I hope you will register so that you can reply to your thread.

 

LM

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

If you go ahead with the threesome you will be making a massive, massive mistake.

 

Regardless of the state of commitment in your relationship, you always have the right and privilege to decide what you want to do. Nobody...nobody...can force you to engage in this threesome.

 

This guy is a Class A major idiot.

 

Also, please register so we can talk with you more about this.

[shymxcpl 71]

"If you ___ mess this up in any way, then I will boot your ass to the door , right in front of HER, any problems and I will never see you again, ever. I dont care how much you cry to get back with me . You make any problems your out, forever."

 

Wow ... that guy has some balls!

F*ck it up for him and see what happens... It's not like he's a keeper anyway.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

If a threesome is that important to him then you need to BOOT HIM OUT THE DOOR before it ever happens. What an asshole!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I'm going to agree with LikeMinds on this one. I think we need more background and info.

 

That's a freakin' huge ultimatum to lay down. As a matter of fact, if I tried a stunt like that, Mrs two4you would guarantee there would be no threesome, and probably not a twosome for quite sometime. So, yeah, I'm curious as to where he comes off with this power play.

 

Come on back and give us a follow up please.

[CXXC 435]

I think of myself as a pretty stable individual. I find that my temperment is generally even and secure. HOWEVER, this post just pissed me off!

 

Anyone, man or woman, who lays an ultimatum at the feet of another like this has no right to be in a relationship. This is abuse. Pure and simple. I cannot abide by it.

 

Drop this idiot like a hot potato. You are worth far more and deserving of better. It is not a question of why he would say this. It is a question of WHY YOU WOULD STAY WITH HIM AFTER HE SAID THIS!

 

Please register so we can get to know you better.

[PB&J 1,086]

It's practically a cliche that swingers say that successful swinging can only happen with a stable, trusting relationship between equals. This you don't have. Get away. Get far away. You are worth better than this.

[Speed & Trixie 163]

Good day,

 

I know the answer to my question, but just in case this has happen to anyone eles they may have advice or a different view of these statements. We are setting up 3 some for Saturday.

 

"If you ___ mess this up in any way, then I will boot your ass to the door , right in front of HER, any problems and I will never see you again, ever. I dont care how much you cry to get back with me . You make any problems your out, forever."

 

Why would a Man (Lovers for 10 years) say this to his woman, after she has helped plan the 3some and really kill the mood for me to even want to now! I am so upset, and confused .

 

I am serious, this is our first 3 some with another woman. I know everyone is going to tell me to tell him to take a hike, but any insight? WHY would he do this?

 

Thank you so much!

 

much appreciated...

 

 

Okay....why would a man say that to his woman? Because he doesn't care about you or your feelings. I'm sorry honey but that is the truth.

 

You say you know everyone is going to tell you to boot HIS ass out the door, so I guess I'm confused as to why you need insight to this situation. He said it because he doesn't give a crap HOW you're feeling or whether you even want to go through with this. He said it because he thinks it's ok to treat you like shit, and I'm willing to bet this is NOT the first shitty thing he's said to you.

 

My question to you is: why did you teach him that it's ok to treat you this way? Why do you continue to allow yourself to be treated and talked to in this horrible, abusive manner? We all deserve better in this life!

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

There is always two sides to a story.

 

We haven't much to go on even from the OP, and since this thread is from an unregistered user, I am hesitant to jump on the and advise her to tell her "lover" (I'm really curious what that exactly means and what is the nature of their relationship) to Go take a hike you abusive S.O.B.!

 

This is the internet, a place where you can anonymously appear on any forum around the world and get sympathy, make yourself feel you are "right" and he is "wrong" and then go tell him he's wrong because all these other people on the net said so.

 

I'd venture that for a man to say this to his woman he's had a lot to deal with from her for a long time and it's gotten down to the last straw.

 

Or, she's a woman who has put up with a lot from him but doesn't have the smarts to leave him, even though her friends have told her many times to do just that...in that case, is she going to listen to any of us?

 

Who knows.

 

LM

[PB&J 1,086]

Well, no matter what the situation is, if he did say that, this is NOT a couple who should be swinging. That poor extra woman.

[NotSorry 155]

I'd venture that for a man to say this to his woman he's had a lot to deal with from her for a long time and it's gotten down to the last straw.

Is that a joke?

[Chicup 41]

Is that a joke?

 

I get LikeMinds point.

 

They mean that there is a chance that the OP has such issues and is so unstable that hes gotten to a point he just doesn't care anymore and is very pissed off/stressed out himself.

 

It IS one side of the story, and while I can't think of any situation that would justify the OP, we may not be getting the whole picture.

[Speed & Trixie 163]

I get LikeMinds point, too. Unless the OP comes back and explains/answers some questions, I guess we'll never know the whole situation.

 

"Screw this up for me and you're out, forever" is one hell of an ultimatum to put on your first threesome though. Not sure how you can get to that point without starting as a selfish ass. ...but what do I know? I'm just a newbie

[NotSorry 155]

I admit the original post may be a little suspect but I can't imagine under what circumstance the quote would be acceptable. I'll concede that maybe it was a misquote but in no way will I accept that there is ever a good reason to speak to a significant other like that.

 

The lack of compassion startled me. Either OP is an idiot who stays or 'a lot to deal with'? It echoes stereotypes about abusive relationships and belittles those who have experienced them...

[fun4al 15]

Wow, thanks for the responses. Of course I had to regester , cause I do have more to add. I was just trying to get to the point of my issue.

 

Hi There,

 

I have spoke to the other female and she and I hit it off and plan to talk tonight.

He attracted her, and I am the one bringing the fun 2gether. What I liked when I was talking to her was to hear from her that she has had fmf, ffm experinces with her friend and husband and the other with another friend and yes they still are all friends. I'm telling her on the phone that she will not be disappointed and that my lover will I am sure, give her lots of pleasure.

 

When I got off the phone, thats when he started to threaten me. My heart sank. Its like if he is just dying to experience this with ME, why would he want to make me fearful? I was so horny..., ideally my first 3some fmf or ffm first choice would be with him.

 

We have both have experience in the lifestyle but this would be my first 3some with another female.

 

Then I asked him if on Sunday we could spend it together assuming He'd want to....(we do not live 2gether anymore)..... He said no joke. "I am already giving up a Saturday nite for you, I have a life too, I'm busy!"

Unbelieveable!!

 

That hurt my feelings too

 

Then he said " Well maybe she will stand us up? We should have a plan B. He suggested we could go to the gaybar and pick up a woman OR a man, I said Or both. He seemed like he would prefer play plan B, cause his threatening tone changed. Even said I could experiment with letting another male give Him pleasure.

 

I just wanna have Fun.

He is messin it up.

I just can't believe WHY he would want to threaten, bully, when I am making the plan with her!

 

Fun4all

[Baconheads 432]

Let's say you were my wife agreeing to even entertain a threesome...YOu would get roses, champagne, cards, the kitchen cleaned, dinner made, the laundry done and her car washed. Then I'd ask what else can I do. A massage? With or without sex, your choice!

[TNT 1,155]

"If you ___ mess this up in any way, then I will boot your ass to the door , right in front of HER, any problems and I will never see you again, ever. I dont care how much you cry to get back with me . You make any problems your out, forever."

 

Why would a Man (Lovers for 10 years) say this to his woman, after she has helped plan the 3some and really kill the mood for me to even want to now! I am so upset, and confused .

 

 

 

Then I asked him if on Sunday we could spend it together assuming He'd want to....(we do not live 2gether anymore)..... He said no joke. "I am already giving up a Saturday nite for you, I have a life too, I'm busy!"

Unbelieveable!!

 

 

I'd be telling him...."Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out".

 

Good grief! Why are you with this man?

 

 

Teresa

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It sounds to me like he wants to be in control and since you've taken the lead with this one he feels like he's not in control anymore. You are in the lead therefore YOU are in the position to "mess things up". That's why he sounds like he'd prefer option B - because option B was HIS idea.

 

This only backs up my original response and I still say - He's an Asshole who doesn't care nearly as much about you as you do about him and you should tell him to get lost.

 

I would like to hear more about your history as a couple, from your second post it sounds as if at some point you have lived together and been in a more committed relationship together but at some point (recently? how recently? and what were the circumstances?) things have been backed off to a less committed scenario. Could it be that you are now just his "fuck buddy" and he's using you but you still think there's more to it? Could it be that he's looking for an excuse to finally end it completely?

[Cpl2share 147]

Drama, train wreck, did I say Drama?

[realcplub2 513]

First off, thank you for registering..

 

Now to the point.. I can only assume that there is something to this waste of humanity, that drew you to him.. However from what you have written I can't see it.

 

More to the point, Can we be completely honest, A woman, Any woman, seeking the expereinces you list in you're second post, CAN FIND it.. even in the most remote regions of Sasaskatoon, Hudson bay, or anywhere if she really wants them.. The key being that SHE is control.. As you were until HE played his cards the way he has..

 

If these are the conditions you are comfortable with, you can expect the results as detail in the previous posts.. HOWEVER, if you were to rethink this relationship you will see that any form of SEXPLORATION with the person is just a quick route to the BIG SILVER HANDLE that finally FLUSHES the relationship..

 

You bust YOUR ass setting up a fantasy that HE can enjoy as much as YOU, and he runs rough shod over you.. Bounce him, and set up a fall back for yourself..without him

[Begood03 15]

This does not sound like a happy relationship to me. Are the two of you able to talk things out?

[Swing*8701 887]

I don't see any love in this lover.

[it'sso 198]

If he was eves dropping on your phone conversation, perhaps he felt you were suggesting he could deliver more to your newfound friend than he had to offer.

If he feels he can't pull his end of the load, what better way to sink the party than to lay it off on you, even before the party commences?

[LFM2 1,482]

I'm trying to wrap my head around the kind of person who treats another human this way. Especially someone he's supposed to love. I'm really hoping you have some self worth and tell this joker to hit the road.

 

This guy is thinking about himself. He doesn't care about your happiness. He does however, cares how much he can get out of this situation. Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

 

If I was going to have a threesome with this woman, I'd find another guy who'd appreciate it. Leave him home for a onesome.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

I'll use the cliche here. Swinging is supposed to enhance what you already have together. So if you have nothing but selfishness and bullying, exactly which one will be enhanced with this encounter?

 

He's not ready for this, at all. Don't go there with him.

[N8ture Girl 318]

This guy is a turd, I say its time to flush it!

 

I know its easy for us all to say to leave this asshole, but honestly, life is too short to waste your life on someone who treats you like this.

[bicuriocpl 90]

Having been abused mentally in a past marriage, perhaps I am just sensitive, but this is the sort of statements my ex-wife used to make. If everything goes right your were lucky and if anything went wrong, no matter the cause, it was your fault and you are lucky they don't kick you to the curb. And so you vow to do better next time and the time after that.

 

I would agree with the others and say you should not swing until you:

a) get a different partner or

b) redo the relationship so that you are treated with the respect you deserve.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

fun4al ~

 

How did last weekend turn out?

 

Did you go out with your lover...and did the female join you for a 3sum?

 

LM

[Baconheads 432]

Yeah, we're on the edge of our seats, here!

[dodgechevy 149]

Is that a joke?

 

What I think they mean is people don't generally switch from Dr. Jekly to Mr. Hyde overnight. -V

 

 

 

But on another note. No one's BS detector is going off?

[MrkLin 393]

But on another note. No one's BS detector is going off?

 

The light is blinking, but no audio tone yet. I'm awaiting further developments...

[Chicup 41]

But on another note. No one's BS detector is going off?

 

 

/hotlink

 

Yes of course its going off, but some many people seem to be functionally insane out there the possibility that this could be true does exist.

[Chicup 41]

Edit:So many people.

 

Meh I shouldn't post while at work, taking breaks mid posting leads to very poor grammar and sentence structure.

[fun4al 15]

hello

 

A weird series of events happened, but a learning experience I guess.

 

I spoke to the woman on thurs and he spoke to her on friday last week, and she told me of her plan to do a little strip tease for us and was all excited. But when I asked her what would really really turn Her on or what would she want to do that she would enjoy. She said that she just wanted to get us turned on the most. She was even going to email me the picture of the dress she was going to wear and said that she was going to give the cab driver a show too on the way over!! She genuinely sounded like she wanted to play.

Then on Friday she phoned my friend and said that her monthly was here and that she still wanted to come over and she wanted to watch us 2gether after her dance and whatnot. The plan was for her to arrive at 8,......but at 6 on Sat. she called to say she didn't feel well and was cancelling.

 

To be honest COMPLETEly, this would of been My first experience in group sex with another woman. Of course I was a little nervous, so on Thurs.(before learning she had her montly friend) I asked my friend, that for my first time if he would go for anything and everything,(including all his fetishes) but I wasn't quite sure about seeing him enter her. I asked him if we could

do that next time, It took me alot to ask him this and well he exploded with "oh I am definitely f king her" he liked repeated that like 3 times. Well I slept on that and on Friday I had mixed feelings about actually doing it. Plus he said previously if I mess things up, we were through>

 

So.....when I learned that she had her montly and that she was stilll into dancing and pleasuring him with me, I thought what a weird coincidence, that I am going to be completely comfortable and not have to be nervous about him f king her and me getting to experience the 3some with that boundry which wasn't set by me.

 

So apparently this is not the first time my friend had been stood up by her, so this was the 3rd time, He said well lets go with our plan B. We can go get naughty and pick up at the gay bar.

 

Well I had a blast all nite dancing with other females that me and my friend both decided on that I should approach and actually propositioned a few to join us and if it wasn't for their girlfriends they seemed interested and intrigued. I introduced my friend to about 3 different females who all knew prior to being introduce to him what we had in mind. I thought its not so easy picking up a girl.....much different than picking up a man or men. But I was also kinda proud of myself that I wasn't exactly getting shot down

 

At the end of the nite the lights came on and its time to go. This female that I already told my friend that I wasn't interested in approaching (the crowd she was with, well I do look at the company that people keep as well, even when I am hooking up with a man or men, it is a really good indicator of what type of people your meeting,esp, when picking up a several men at once)

 

Anyways the lights come on at the very end of the nite and she is like all over him grinding, knowing that he was there with me, well I think because he changed our plan of that we both had to be attracted and I had already said No about this one to approach. It honestly caused me a knee jerk reaction on my face and my friend is kinda signalling that he wants her. Well it didn't go anywhere with her.

 

So......apparently I messed things up, and I don't know how to pick up women, but have no problem with men he says. Well hello this is something new for me, and earlier I was proud of myself for being so outgoing.

 

Now he says I am a failure and that I am not going to be a good swing partner.

 

I think I need to let go of out friendship and maybe someday I will meet someone who actually cares about Me. Just like the advice I was given here and by friends and family>

 

I dont know what to say, but thanks for being there for me when I have felt confused.

 

Any comments are appreciated .

[Baconheads 432]

I agree with you. Dump his ass! You need someone who would appreciate your guts, and give you the relationship you deserve.

[Speed & Trixie 163]

hello

 

A weird series of events happened, but a learning experience I guess.

 

 

I think I need to let go of out friendship and maybe someday I will meet someone who actually cares about Me. Just like the advice I was given here and by friends and family>

 

 

Any comments are appreciated .

 

[The Fuse 1,012]

I think I need to let go of out friendship and maybe someday I will meet someone who actually cares about Me.

I think you are right.

 

You sound like a nice girl, but you know as well as anyone that you are seeking this guy's approval at the expense of your own feelings and desires. We could spend a lot of time trying to figure out why you would put yourself through that for someone who obviously doesn't consider your feelings as important as his own, but I don't think the time would be worth it.

 

It is good to see you write that you need to let go of this "friendship". I hope you do let go of it. You can expect that he will act put out, and say that you are not living up to his expectations, and say you are a bad girlfriend. But you know what? HE IS WRONG.

 

I hope you will get away from this relationship where you have subordinated yourself. Then you can try to find someone who will treat you better. Please be careful out there. People tend to go for the same types over and over again, so I hope you break that pattern.

 

Also, please continue to read and post here. You'll see people writing about a lot of different types of situations, and giving and getting advice.

[bicuriocpl 90]

To quote an age old bit of wisdom: To thine own self be true.

 

Letting go may hurt, but losing one's self is far worse, I know as I did that with the ex-wife. Took me 5 years to totally recover.

 

Good Luck

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think you are right.

 

You sound like a nice girl, but you know as well as anyone that you are seeking this guy's approval at the expense of your own feelings and desires. We could spend a lot of time trying to figure out why you would put yourself through that for someone who obviously doesn't consider your feelings as important as his own, but I don't think the time would be worth it.

 

It is good to see you write that you need to let go of this "friendship". I hope you do let go of it. You can expect that he will act put out, and say that you are not living up to his expectations, and say you are a bad girlfriend. But you know what? HE IS WRONG.

 

I hope you will get away from this relationship where you have subordinated yourself. Then you can try to find someone who will treat you better. Please be careful out there. People tend to go for the same types over and over again, so I hope you break that pattern.

 

Also, please continue to read and post here. You'll see people writing about a lot of different types of situations, and giving and getting advice.

 

I couldn't say it better. I will never understand why women do this to themselves.

[NotSorry 155]

I will never understand why women do this to themselves.

 

While I haven't been exactly where the OP is, I had a past relationship with a somewhat similar dynamic. I stayed for far too long. The short answer is I didn't like myself very much at the time and I didn't know relationships could be any better.

 

To the OP: If you want to get out of this situation it will be extremely difficult but I promise you it will be so worth it if you learn to love yourself. Great relationships exist. I promise.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

This is another slow train wreck thread.

 

Get out of the relationship. It's intensely negative. Find a partner who actually loves you and isn't a self centered and selfish jerk.

[LOL_OMG 130]

I'm wondering why you abuse yourself so much? Forget about this ass, why are you torturing yourself with this kind of creep? I know enough about self esteem (from past relationships) that you sometimes pick people who will treat you like crap because you feel like crap about yourself.

 

Look inside and get counseling if you need to...but fight your way out of this. If not, this will just be ass #6 and more to come

[Additude 457]

The man is a "Southern Redneck"?

 

Was that a trick question?

 

I think he said that to you, because you let him.

 

But I know for a fact, in a relationship, over time for one reason or another partners can learn to anticipate each other's behavoir.

 

However I feel his choice of words were innappropriate (but I don't know the relationship).

[athenagirl 36]

I'm wondering if the play partner is someone the male half of this couple is already seeing (or wants to have an affair with): either way, what he said to "unregistered" is unforgiveable. She needs to dump him!

[absingleman 178]

To Fun4al

 

I think there is one area of relationships that men understand way sooner than women, and that is you can't please someone that is not interested in pleasing you. I hear in real life and online that men seem to jump from one woman to another like changing underwear, but it seems to take us less time to realize that a woman is out for her own pleasure and believes men will settle for anything she gives him if he is getting some. That is wrong thinking if it comes from a man or a woman.

 

In your case, you are dealing with a man that thinks YOU will do anything he says because he knows you want to please him, but he doesn't care if you are uncomfortable with what you are doing as long as you do it his way. Thats just plain selfish, childish, and irresponsible. Everyone is telling you to dump him, but thats not enough. You also have to make up your mind not to depend on anyone to make your life complete before you commit yourself to pleasing him or anyone else.

 

My suggestion, since you are single and looking for a fmf experience, would be to keep in contact with the woman from your first two posts and ask her if she has a male friend that she trusts to look out for her desires and set up an fmf with them. You don't have a real commitment to this guy because he has no commitment to you. Not in the real sense of making sacrifices for your pleasure in return for the sacrifices you make for his. YOU ARE SINGLE! LIVE IT!!!

 

While I want to be in a relationship again, I've had enough bad ones to know when I'm starting to attach myself to a loser before I get in too deep. I look for the good traits, but if I only see bad traits, I don't let my pride convince me that just one more romantic evening or thoughtful gift or weekend getaway will make things better. I have a talk about what I'm feeling for her and from her, and if she makes light of it or tells me I'm wrong, I say "You're right, I made a wrong decision" and I walk away.

 

It hurts, but it eliminates almost all the drama. And drama is only good in books, movies, and T.V.

 

Take care of YOURSELF, or you'll never be able to take care of others.

[WileCoyote 15]

This guy has not been your lover for ten years. He has used you for ten years. You have wasted your time with him. Quit being an emotional masochist and leave him so life can bring him what he deserves.