Approaching vanilla male for threesome. Best way?

[mwp 22]

Hi! My wife and I frequent a restaurant here in town where there is a waiter she is very interested in having in our bed. He's a nice guy, and everything we look for in a third for a threesome. Of course, we have no idea if he's a swinger, and he probably isn't (most people aren't, after all).

 

So, we're considering approaching him with the possibility of joining us in a threesome. My wife feels perfectly comfortable in a swing club, meet and greets, etc. But, in this situation she feels fairly shy. She's not uncomfortable with the idea of having sex with him. She's just feeling very shy about approaching him. She doesn't want to be there when we proposition this guy.

 

I'd like some general input here on this question: Generally speaking, is a proposition to a vanilla male more likely to be accepted if the woman approaches him or the man or both?

 

I'm sure there will be varied opinions. I'm not looking for proof that my wife she be the one doing the asking here. Don't worry I'm just wanting her odds to be the best, and see if maybe there's a general rule or what not out there on how people go about this sort of thing.

 

Opinions?

 

-MWP

[Chicup 41]

Thinking back to 'pre-swing' days.

 

If a guy approached me to have sex with his wife, I'd have not understood it and run for the hills.

 

MAYBE if the wife approached me, I'd have been more accepting, but I would have been worried about some sort of hidden agendas, or that they were trying to film amateur porn, or some such. The fact that a man would WANT me to have sex with his wife and even get off on it, would have seemed just freeky.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

We had a 3some with a vanilla friend. It was very awkward. This was a few months ago. He and I (we're all still close friends) joked about performance issues the other day and his exact words were "But there was someone watching!". Well DUH! You were invited for a 3some!

 

Sorry to say, but single men who are NOT in the lifestyle don't really know what they are getting into, and it can be very uncomfortable for all.

 

Just some real-life experience for you that you may not want to hear, and your experience may not go the same way. But do you want to chance it?

 

Mrs. NC

[PB&J 1,086]

And if he isn't into it, are you prepared for the looks you might get from the rest of the wait staff the next time you walk into the restaurant?

[curioussnk 17]

We have not had this experience yet....but I would think maybe the way to start is to first spend some time "away from work" with him. Maybe ask him out for drinks or something first. Establish a friendship of sorts. See how that goes..then maybe ya'll spend more time together in relazed environments.

 

Make sense? I mean I just think approaching anyone in that atmosphere could kind of blindside a person.

 

Seems like there should be more of a personal relationship first.

[iapr 24]

So she wants to fuck this guy but is uncomfortable about talking to him? Am I missing something or did I understand that correctly?

 

Is this guy single or is he married with kids to feed? If you don't know for sure you'd best find out cause when his wife freaks and files for divorce and takes the kids your names are probably going to come up at some point.

 

If you are insistant here are a couple things to consider. Most healthy american males will be happy to bone your wife but there are a couple things they might not understand. The main is he will probably think you are a limp-dicked pussyman that can't get his tiny dick up so you need to pick up strangers from Denny's to come and take care of her. He may go along with it the first time but then want to bring his buddies along next time.

 

-He may think she is falling in love with him and wanting to ride off into the sunset with him.

 

- He may think you are just plain nuts.

 

- He may not understand the recreational nature of it and develop feelings for her.

 

- You can probably plan on him bragging to his buddies.

 

I could go on and on but you get the point.

 

If you do insist on this, do approach him together. If either of you approach him individually he will likely think someone is trying to pull one over on the other and are tying to scam something. At least show a degree of unity and explain all your rules and boundries together as a couple.

 

Getting guys into bed is easy. It's getting them to do what you want and on your terms is the hard part. They are easy to get into bed but then usually disappoint you once they are there.

 

It can be done but proceed with caution.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Hi MWP!

 

Welcome to the Swingers Board.

 

I have fantasized about the same scenario you are considering...my husband right there with me at the table playing along with the idea of what fun it would be IF it could ever happen as we envisioned. But, with all the fun we had thinking about it, MrLM and I would always end our night out on the town realizing that it best to leave the whole idea as a fantasy.

 

Since you asked how to approach the waiter, here's how we fantasized doing it. My husband and I would tell the waiter we're going to so-and-so to listen to a great band that night after we finish dinner. The waiter would respond with excitement because he loves the same band. So we ask him when he get's off and if he could head over to join us. He shows up and I dance with him (and MrLM too, of course) and the night gets warmer and we all get friendlier and the fantasy gets more juicy and unrealisticly perfect from there...blah, blah, blah and so the fantasy goes.

 

See why we end up laughing about the whole idea. It's just not as easy as we'd imagine. At least I don't think it would be.

 

But heck, if it happens for you PLEASE share how you did it.

 

I think if you do approach the waiter it would be better if you and your wife were together when you suggest a sexual interlude.

 

Good luck!

 

LM

[mwp 22]

We're enjoying reading the opinions, but wanted to make a few points clear...

 

We wouldn't make any proposition to him if he was married or even just had a girlfriend. We're not interested in screwing up someone else's relationship. We'd find out before we asked him. We do know he is not married. We don't know if he currently has a girlfriend or not (he didn't, but it's been a couple of months since we last saw him).

 

Second, we do not live in a small town. If it didn't go well, not going to this restaurant for the foreseeable future is not a problem. Nor is the possibility of all his buddies sniggering at us, as we simply don't care what his buddies might or might not think. We don't run our lives based on what people who have no power over us think.

 

Third, we recognize there's a low chance of success with this. We also know that not asking is a guaranteed no. So, the only chance of success is asking. The downside risk to us is zero, other than perhaps not frequenting the restaurant for a while.

[2plus2fun 143]

It's interesting that you bring this up... the couple that introduced me to the lifestyle (MMF) when I was single basically did the same thing... It went pretty well for awhile... but after we played a few times he started getting jealous and even accused me of cheating with his girlfriend... something which never happened.

[SnakeBabe 51]

We have found that many times having the husband with me scares the Vanilla away so I use my “Hall Pass’

I never lie to them and say I am single or anything, I just need to make them feel comfortable first. Having another man in the mix let alone a husband can freak many guys out and you will never get them.

Usually, I make a date with them; we just make out, sometimes oral and then once they are hooked bring in the partner.

 

Hugs and Hissessss,

Maria

[iapr 24]

We're enjoying reading the opinions, but wanted to make a few points clear...

 

We wouldn't make any proposition to him if he was married or even just had a girlfriend. We're not interested in screwing up someone else's relationship. We'd find out before we asked him. We do know he is not married. We don't know if he currently has a girlfriend or not (he didn't, but it's been a couple of months since we last saw him).

 

Second, we do not live in a small town. If it didn't go well, not going to this restaurant for the foreseeable future is not a problem. Nor is the possibility of all his buddies sniggering at us, as we simply don't care what his buddies might or might not think. We don't run our lives based on what people who have no power over us think.

 

Third, we recognize there's a low chance of success with this. We also know that not asking is a guaranteed no. So, the only chance of success is asking. The downside risk to us is zero, other than perhaps not frequenting the restaurant for a while.

 

OK, fair enough. Nothing ventured nothing gained and it sounds like you are looking at this realistic enough.

 

Since you state you are specifically looking for this to be an MFM as opposed to just a one-on-one encounter for her my vote would be to approach him together as a couple so you can each explain your boundries etc and can answer any questions or concerns he may have. If he has an issue with the husband being involved then he is not MFM material in first place. either way he would see that you both are in on this together as a couple.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

We're enjoying reading the opinions, but wanted to make a few points clear...

 

We wouldn't make any proposition to him if he was married or even just had a girlfriend. We're not interested in screwing up someone else's relationship. We'd find out before we asked him. We do know he is not married. We don't know if he currently has a girlfriend or not (he didn't, but it's been a couple of months since we last saw him).

 

Second, we do not live in a small town. If it didn't go well, not going to this restaurant for the foreseeable future is not a problem. Nor is the possibility of all his buddies sniggering at us, as we simply don't care what his buddies might or might not think. We don't run our lives based on what people who have no power over us think.

 

Third, we recognize there's a low chance of success with this. We also know that not asking is a guaranteed no. So, the only chance of success is asking. The downside risk to us is zero, other than perhaps not frequenting the restaurant for a while.

 

I see this scenario as much cleaner than a scenario where you are already friends with this guy. You really have nothing to lose. I would suggest that you ask him out for drinks first and then while you are out having drinks bring up the idea to him together.

 

If the worst thing that can happen is not going back to that restaurant (and it's not your favorite restaurant) then go for it.

[Mr.Essex 264]

As a single male of some repute, I'll say this: Barring a club/house party environment, it's always better for the woman to approach a single man. If she makes the effort to visit that restaurant on a weekly basis (for "A cup of coffee and some quiet time"), she'll be able to find out all of the information that she needs to know.

 

Now, some extra tidbits of information, seeing as how you've mentioned that you aren't small-town swingers... All advice given past this point is with the assumption that you live in a major city (Major=a city with an airport which accommodates more than a dozen unrelated airlines)

 

1. If he's more attractive/charming/knowledgeable than normal, it's very likely that you won't be the first couple to have approached him for some "Not ready for primetime action".

1b. Which means that your wife, if she's relatively discreet and he's noticeably interested, can afford to be a bit plainer with her intentions. Not waving a dildo in the air and saying "Are you bigger than this, [insert server name here]?", but a quick comment about meeting the husband and herself at a local bar for a nightcap isn't going to go unnoticed.

 

2. Take an "eyes wide open" look at your respective levels of attractiveness. This is very important, as (it goes without saying) he's far more likely to agree to a MFM/MMF with an attractive woman. I'm not saying that he's automatically going to reject her if she isn't Cindy Crawford-level beautiful, but presentation does wonders.

 

{The first few times that I was hit on as a single male, my "interested parties" were of the (warning: racism/sexism) "He's black, so I don't need to worry about showering/having my hair done/wearing clothes that fit, because all black guys want white pussy." variety.}

 

3. Take note of any sort of age gap. If he's more than 10 years younger than you, be aware that you'll probably have to do a lot of coaching in the bedroom. A lot of coaching. If he's at the "distinguished gentleman" age, it may be the opposite. Either way, whether he proves to be experienced in the ways of the threesome, don't except a sexual dynamo.

3a. For the college student/"new to the city" type, a home-cooked meal can do wonders. My re-introduction to the lifestyle involved the promise of an authentic "native" meal and the first samples of their home-brewed beer. As it turned out, they didn't even need to get me drunk (which was their first plan). As I drank my second beer, the husband went downstairs "to bring up some of the WinterCorn variety" and the wife sat down beside me and started rubbing my hand and asking me if enjoyed the dinner. By the time he came upstairs, she was on my lap and I was enjoying the first real date/makeout session that I'd had in 7 years.

 

So, long story short, be relatively discreet, be friendly enough to avoid ambiguity and (if he's taken the bait) meet him someplace thoroughly non work-related before laying the cards out on the table.

[sexylady1970 69]

We tried it a couple of times and there were performance issues each time. Also, there are times you will find a single male who puts up an ad stating they are looking for couples, but what you really find out is they are looking for the woman only alone.

[LOL_OMG 130]

Wow thanks Mr Essex, that was good stuff

 

Mrs. LOL

[mwp 22]

We wanted to let everyone who participated in this thread what happened with this situation. Thank you to all of you as your insight was useful, even if we disagreed with some points and agreed with others. It's all good!

 

We haven't been back to the restaurant in question, and we have not made any proposition to the guy in question. It's also unlikely we ever will.

[mwp 22]

We haven't been back to the restaurant in question, and we have not made any proposition to the guy in question. It's also unlikely we ever will.

 

Fast forward a year; we've been back to the restaurant a couple of times, and he still works there. We had already decided not to attempt to play with him, but we found out anyways that he has a girlfriend. Also, he's leaving the job at the restaurant, getting (as he put it) "a real job". Lastly, his new job is in a field locally where he will very likely be in contact with some in-laws of ours (who don't know about our swinging).

 

-MWP

[DarkVoyuer 15]

Thinking back to 'pre-swing' days.

 

If a guy approached me to have sex with his wife, I'd have not understood it and run for the hills.

 

MAYBE if the wife approached me, I'd have been more accepting, but I would have been worried about some sort of hidden agendas, or that they were trying to film amateur porn, or some such. The fact that a man would WANT me to have sex with his wife and even get off on it, would have seemed just freeky.

 

I agree. Most single men are not comfortable screwing your wife with you. The swinger male is an exception to the rule.

[Maxhnb 15]

It's interesting that you bring this up... the couple that introduced me to the lifestyle (MMF) when I was single basically did the same thing... It went pretty well for awhile... but after we played a few times he started getting jealous and even accused me of cheating with his girlfriend... something which never happened.

 

My first few times trying to meet a couple, the husband was very controlling even to the point where he wanted to orchestrate the act so much that I have cancelled more times than accepted. currently I have a young lady in my life who wants to be introduced to a mfm experience. I am thus looking for a man to join us and help me get her in a frenzy. I am in way jealous but am a voyeur and would love to see her get the thrill of her young life.

any takers ? in N Florida