Single Female New to lifestyle, with questions.

[Peaceful Minded 15]

Hello all. I am new to the lifestyle and wanted to be educated or perhaps more aware of the nuances of the lifestyle I recently became involved in. I have been having issues with the couple I am engaged with, and thought this site would help clear some things up. Be patient with me, I’m sure I’ll be asking a lot of questions from you lol, sorry!

[IvoryTowers 380]

Welcome to the Swingers Board.

 

Ask away. The whole point of this board is to provide a forum for people to ask and answer questions. You'll find many of us are even willing to tell you more than you want to hear.

[Peaceful Minded 15]

When this couple approached me I had already started looking at profiles in another site for married couples looking for single/bi female. They really are the most naturally kind people you could ever find. I made certain they were both okay with me entering into the dynamics, had plenty of questions for them, which they answered. The problem is, the first interaction was so comfortable and natural. The second, not so much. Instead of me being a part of the action, I found I am expected to wait/watch until I am called in. This is only after several times of the husband asking her if she is "okay" and if I can join in. When I am invited in, he guides me to please her first without him involved, which I am totally fine with. Then, when I am to interact with him, I feel strangely aware I am just a mechanism for him to ejaculate. She will physically move me out of the way when I am interacting with him, not join in, but physically move me away. Again, he questions if she is "okay" and I am given the nod to join in when she replies yes. I'm getting wordy, sorry. But, is this natural and normal? I understand her hesitation, but I asked several times before meeting if they had done this, and their reply was several times and they are "pros" at it and it was actually her idea. I'm so confused!!

[PB&J 1,086]

They sound like they don't have a clue what they are doing. Really. This is not natural and normal. I think that you can do better than this. Almost all swinger couples want you- the fabled unicorn. They are ready willing and able to treat you like a queen. Why not look around?

[Peaceful Minded 15]

Phew, thank you. Being new I was uncertain, but my spidey senses were seriously tingling lol. Validation is great feeling. Thanks again!

[xyzzy07 15]

Hi, peaceful. This is not at all natural! We've never treated a single woman in such a weird way (well, never treated couples that way, either!).

 

By the way, they may not be lying and have done this before. I noticed one couple whose interest seemed to be to get themselves hot by playing with another woman, and then they'd kind of shove the single woman aside while the couple finished up together.

 

Look for another couple is my advice.

[LFM2 1,482]

They sound as if they may be a bit unsure of what they want or what they're doing. There were a few red flags that popped up as I read your second post.

 

BTW... to the Swingers Board.

[Peaceful Minded 15]

Well thank you for the welcome. When I asked them about all this, their response was... "you're new so you don't understand but this is all normal for the lifestyle, sometimes we are just more into each other". My thought and question, then why am I there? I believe I will end it with them and look elsewhere. Now the question I have is, how do I pick a couple that I can be certain will involve me, or at least be honest about what they are searching for from me.

[LFM2 1,482]

I wonder if they said that to justify why they were leaving you out?

 

Like someone else said, I'd move on.

how do I pick a couple that I can be certain will involve me, or at least be honest about what they are searching for from me.

 

Ask them. Ask them what they're looking for and how will you be involved. I find it strange that the first couple would treat you that way in the beginning. Usually, unicorns are treated like a fine piece of porcelain.

 

Keep looking for that great couple. Good luck and we also look forward to reading more of posts in the various forums!!

[Speed & Trixie 163]

Wow, Speed and I would never do that to a woman!

 

If we've found a single woman we're both attracted to, we treat that special lady well, special! We both aim to please, and if our lady friend felt uncomfortable or wasn't having a good time we would talk about it and make every attempt to FIX the problem together, all 3 of us.

 

YOU are in this too, and you should be getting just as much out of the experience as the couple! The fact they essentially said "hey, you're just new and don't know how this works" is frankly offensive to me. It means they aren't taking your feelings/ concerns seriously, and you should NEVER feel like you're being disregarded (in OR out of the bedroom).

 

You deserve better. We all do.

 

Trixie

[Peaceful Minded 15]

Thank you all for your great responses; they do help me sort this all out. I was confused with it all because in every aspect they pursued me, so didn’t understand why I was then pushed aside. I talked to the couple today and found out this is their first swinging experience, contrary to what I was told. The wife half was brow beaten into the decision, so she had/has issues with the obvious. Regardless, I bowed out. Just going to chalk this up to I was lucky or unlucky enough to find the couple cracked eggs in the carton lol, it doesn’t mean the whole bunch is spoiled. If nothing else, I’ve learned some valuable lessons to use for the next time, it can only get better from here.

[IvoryTowers 380]

Now the question I have is, how do I pick a couple that I can be certain will involve me, or at least be honest about what they are searching for from me.

 

Come to Philadelphia!

[PB&J 1,086]

I talked to the couple today and found out this is their first swinging experience, contrary to what I was told. The wife half was brow beaten into the decision, so she had/has issues with the obvious.

 

No wonder your spidey sense was tingling! Always go with your gut feeling. I'm sure that wonderful adventures lie before you.

[arvcpl 16]

I wish I could say that this is an isolated incident and it will never happen again but I'm afraid that wouldn't be accurate. This scenario or something similar will probably be more the norm rather than the exception.

 

Oh yes, every couple couple will shout from the rooftops that they treat single fems like queens and they probably do mean it when they say it but remember as a single you are entering into a couple's bedroom. they may be thrilled and excited that you are there and they may be sincerely appreciate that you picked them to be with that night but they are a couple and you are coming in as an extra.

 

When a single enters into a couples bedroom they are entering into the couples domain as vehicle for that couples fantasy. Their bond and their committment is with each other and not with you.

 

There are couples out there that have their shit together and both of them are equally attracted to and interested in interacting with a single fem and they don't have any issues with the other partner being with a fem but many other couples don't have their shit together and it is probably rare that both parties are equally attracted to and interested in the fem. Usually one or the other is going to have some reservations or some issues with the whole thing to one degree or another.

 

There are probably a lot of couples where the guy has a major FMF fantasy and the fem half is just going along with it to please him. My guess is that is the case with this couple and she just isn't that into it or into you and the guy is afraid she is going to freak out on him and call it quits. That's their issue just move on to the other 14 million couples wanting a single fem.

 

Of course they'll have their issues too. The next couple may be the opposite, it could be the fem half all over you and the male half just sits there or fiddles around with his dick trying to get it hard.

 

Bottom line is most couples are going to disappoint you or irritate you in one way or another. If single women loved going to bed with couples there would be a ton of single fems in the lifestyle and obviously that isn't the case. There is a reason single fems are called unicorns and that is because they are so rare.

 

There is a reason they are so rare and now you are discovering why that is.

[sweet_tna 680]

I think you've already gotten some great advice here, but I did want to say

 

=)

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Thank you all for your great responses; they do help me sort this all out. I was confused with it all because in every aspect they pursued me, so didn’t understand why I was then pushed aside. I talked to the couple today and found out this is their first swinging experience, contrary to what I was told. The wife half was brow beaten into the decision, so she had/has issues with the obvious. Regardless, I bowed out. Just going to chalk this up to I was lucky or unlucky enough to find the couple cracked eggs in the carton lol, it doesn’t mean the whole bunch is spoiled. If nothing else, I’ve learned some valuable lessons to use for the next time, it can only get better from here.

 

Smart move on your part. It really sounded like the wife had some jealousy issues towards you,thus him having to ask her over and over if she was ok. It's unfortunate that this type of things happens, and even more unfortunate that you got tied up in it. Don't let it color your view of all swingers, you'll have plenty of opportunities and next time you'll know one more thing to watch out for.

[magnum 78]

When this couple approached me I had already started looking at profiles in another site for married couples looking for single/bi female. They really are the most naturally kind people you could ever find. I made certain they were both okay with me entering into the dynamics, had plenty of questions for them, which they answered. The problem is, the first interaction was so comfortable and natural. The second, not so much. Instead of me being a part of the action, I found I am expected to wait/watch until I am called in. This is only after several times of the husband asking her if she is "okay" and if I can join in. When I am invited in, he guides me to please her first without him involved, which I am totally fine with. Then, when I am to interact with him, I feel strangely aware I am just a mechanism for him to ejaculate. She will physically move me out of the way when I am interacting with him, not join in, but physically move me away. Again, he questions if she is "okay" and I am given the nod to join in when she replies yes. I'm getting wordy, sorry. But, is this natural and normal? I understand her hesitation, but I asked several times before meeting if they had done this, and their reply was several times and they are "pros" at it and it was actually her idea. I'm so confused!!

 

 

Interesting...I go through similar situations, I am a str8 single male and have been playing with friends/couple for several years now. I think being the "single" person in a play date can be a bit ackword some times. I just let the husband direct the show the wife has to give the OK but I am there for his visual intertainment, he likes to see her sucking my cock while he licks her pussy and her and my physical enjoyment.

 

You might want to find another couple that is not so "pushy" literally.

 

Good luck, have fun.

[athenagirl 36]

Interesting...I go through similar situations, I am a str8 single male and have been playing with friends/couple for several years now. I think being the "single" person in a play date can be a bit ackword some times. I just let the husband direct the show the wife has to give the OK but I am there for his visual intertainment, he likes to see her sucking my cock while he licks her pussy and her and my physical enjoyment.

 

You might want to find another couple that is not so "pushy" literally.

 

Good luck, have fun.

 

Magnum -- you mention you've been playing with friends/couple for several years now... do you ever have relationships with single women? Or fall in love? Or does being in the lifestyle preclude that? And if so, is that partly why you're in it? Athenagirl

[magnum 78]

Magnum -- you mention you've been playing with friends/couple for several years now... do you ever have relationships with single women? Or fall in love? Or does being in the lifestyle preclude that? And if so, is that partly why you're in it? Athenagirl

 

Hi Athenagirl...Yes I do have relations with single ladies. I was in a relationship with my last girl friend for a year. I did not "play' during that time, the LS is good fun but I do not limit myself to dating woman that are in the LS only, if they are in the LS great, if not, that's OK too. I hope that answers your question.

[athenagirl 36]

Thanks... I was curious about that... so do your non-lifestyle girlfriends ever consider joining the lifestyle?

[magnum 78]

Thanks... I was curious about that... so do your non-lifestyle girlfriends ever consider joining the lifestyle?

 

One has to be careful who you ask to join the LS...They will either be open minded about it or kick you to the curb fast and hard. My last GF was open minded and she did not judge me or kick me to the curb, she did not want to get into the LS.

 

How about you? Do you date men in or out of the LS? What is your current situation?

 

Cheers.

[peppergrrl 15]

I wish I could say that this is an isolated incident and it will never happen again but I'm afraid that wouldn't be accurate. This scenario or something similar will probably be more the norm rather than the exception.

 

Oh yes, every couple couple will shout from the rooftops that they treat single fems like queens and they probably do mean it when they say it but remember as a single you are entering into a couple's bedroom. they may be thrilled and excited that you are there and they may be sincerely appreciate that you picked them to be with that night but they are a couple and you are coming in as an extra.

 

When a single enters into a couples bedroom they are entering into the couples domain as vehicle for that couples fantasy. Their bond and their committment is with each other and not with you.

 

There are couples out there that have their shit together and both of them are equally attracted to and interested in interacting with a single fem and they don't have any issues with the other partner being with a fem but many other couples don't have their shit together and it is probably rare that both parties are equally attracted to and interested in the fem. Usually one or the other is going to have some reservations or some issues with the whole thing to one degree or another.

 

There are probably a lot of couples where the guy has a major FMF fantasy and the fem half is just going along with it to please him. My guess is that is the case with this couple and she just isn't that into it or into you and the guy is afraid she is going to freak out on him and call it quits. That's their issue just move on to the other 14 million couples wanting a single fem.

 

Of course they'll have their issues too. The next couple may be the opposite, it could be the fem half all over you and the male half just sits there or fiddles around with his dick trying to get it hard.

 

Bottom line is most couples are going to disappoint you or irritate you in one way or another. If single women loved going to bed with couples there would be a ton of single fems in the lifestyle and obviously that isn't the case. There is a reason single fems are called unicorns and that is because they are so rare.

 

There is a reason they are so rare and now you are discovering why that is.

 

Oh boy, is that ever true. I'm discovering in my newly single status (BTW, I am Pepper of Pepper & Drew) that it's easier to date single males versus trying to play with couples. A lot of couples think they want to play with a single fem, but the reality is the dynamic is unbalanced, usually one or the other is too into you for their partner's taste, and far too many think you want to invade their relationship in one way or another As if .

 

PM, I presume you got in the lifestyle to have a good time. If you're not having a good time, that's your cue to exit, stage right.

 

Pepper

[CXXC 435]

Most interesting. I would have thought that in the discovery process, the couple would have made their desires, or lack thereof, known to each other and if either of them were not into the Unicorn, the deal would be off! How strange. What ever happened to the rule of not taking one for the team?

 

I know that if you came to Savannah, Mrs. CXXC and I would treat you like the RARE commodity you are. Like the mythical Unicorn, you would be set upon a pedestal, and then pleased till you passed out!

[Guest screaminggood]

It's amazing that what y'all see as the complicated dynamic with threesomes is what I, as the bi-fem half of a couple, see as the primary problem with foursomes.

 

So, is it something that is going to happen occasionally any time it's more than two?