Starting to wonder If we are right for swinging

[Guest warrencouple]

If we're right for the Lifestyle, or if there's a place for a couple like us...

 

This all started with an e-mail replay from the club we're looking at joining. We e-mailed asking about some rules concerning toy usage, and bringing your own to use. One of the questions was about using the swing in the club for a bit of "pegging" play, with the caveat of "unless it is felt that this would make others uncomfortable." The reply we got back kind of felt like both a "yes it would likely make the members uncomfortable," and a "we don't think you'll fit in at our club, go away." We did reply back (nicely!) that we did understand, and, if they would still have us, would still like to join. We've not heard back.

 

The other part of this, though, is that I find myself wondering just how much "room" there is for a couple with an almost "aggressively" straight female. I don't recall the entire conversation, but last night my wife's response to a comment about her kissing another woman was "I'd throw up." Just out of curiosity, I did a search on SLS, once with the parameters set to couples, straight / straight, and got back 295 couples (including ourselves) Change that to Male straight / Female Bi\Bi-Curious, and you hit the 500 result limit.

 

Ah well.

I guess we'll see what happens, as far as the club goes. If we don't hear back soon, I'm going to try calling their number, and see what happens.

 

Jason

[Speed & Trixie 163]

As has been mentioned earlier, just because a couple has a bi female does NOT mean she HAS to play with your wife! Plenty of bi women are perfectly fine just playing with the male half of the couple, as long as boundries are made clear.

[IvoryTowers 380]

The other part of this, though, is that I find myself wondering just how much "room" there is for a couple with an almost "aggressively" straight female. I don't recall the entire conversation, but last night my wife's response to a comment about her kissing another woman was "I'd throw up." Just out of curiosity, I did a search on Swing Lifestyle, once with the parameters set to couples, straight / straight, and got back 295 couples (including ourselves) Change that to Male straight / Female BiBi-Curious, and you hit the 500 result limit.

 

Mr. Ivory here (Mrs. Ivory is out of town, so I'm taking up the mantle).

 

Another example of the bi double-standard in swinging. If a man's response to a comment about his kissing another man were, "I'd throw up," it would surprise no one (except us: that strong a response to same-sex contact is a red flag for us).

[NCfuncouple98 367]

I have read many succesful swinger stories on this very website regarding 100% straight women, and I am sure many will jump in soon.

 

It is absolutely not a requirement. I am listed as bi-curious, because that's what I am. Curious. A few months ago, I was listed as straight, and had no desire whatsoever. This is my personal choice and decision.

 

That "straight" listing did not stop us from being contacted by other couples, or meeting other couples.

 

The best advice is to stay true to who you are and what you are looking for. Don't compromise that. You know what you want, and you have to be willing to wait for it. Don't let anyone pressure you or your wife into anything you are uncomfortable with. Period.

 

And like Trixie mentioned, just because other females are listed as bi doesn't mean they expect female play. There are plenty of threads around here on that very subject.

 

Hang in there.

[2BeDeviled 15]

Well .... Gail is quite straight and 6' tall :-). Spend a little time and maybe steer away from the club scene. Only in the last six or nine months have we become a little more active online. Hell, I'm not finding many gals "aggresively straight" (one can always hope :-)) but ANYONE doing what we are should be respectful of other's needs and try to play along some. We're all here just to make everyone involved feel good, right?

[The Fuse 1,012]

I don't know what "pegging" is, nor do I have insight to the actual exchange between you and the people in charge of your prospective club. However, I am of the opinion that things go hot and cold for most people in swinging. Sometimes we feel rejected, and sometimes we feel validated.

 

Many times, when we are rejected, we think we know why, but we really don't. There have been a few threads recently where someone felt they were being rejected for one reason, when on further reflection the reason may have been (probably was) another reason entirely. When we are turned down by a couple, or given the cold shoulder, I believe it is best not to assume why. Most of the time, it's best not to ask, IMO.

 

As far as being straight, I am mostly straight too. But I would never say "I would throw up". I don't know who she said that in front of, but if it was anyone but you, I'll bet it went over like a brick. Do you think others heard her and perhaps think she is not just straight, but hostile? No one will find an attitude like that attractive.

 

Last year we had several good dates with a couple whose woman is bi. Recently, though, it feels to us like they have moved on. We are bummed about this. I feel like probably it's because I don't want to play with her, and for her, something is missing in the experience when they spend time with us. They are more likely to search out couples where the woman is bi. But again, maybe the reason is something else entirely. I don't know. I won't ask. We still enjoy their company and will probably hang out at some point. It's all good.

 

We can all improve and become more attractive to others with a little effort. Sometimes it is watching what we do or don't say, how we act around others, or trying to become more physically attractive. But if you suggested something to do at a club that you thought might make the other members uncomfortable, and actually got back an answer that it would make them uncomfortable, I would take that as a signal. Perhaps from now on you could try to gain acceptance into a group before bringing up something that you think might make others uncomfortable. You might find that people are a little more open to the unusual if they already like you.

 

Sorry for the rambling and somewhat incoherent post. Big headache right now. I hope something in here helps. Please do hang in there. Sometimes it is difficult. Other times should make up for the rougher spots.

[WildMiCouple 325]

One of the questions was about using the swing in the club for a bit of "pegging" play, with the caveat of "unless it is felt that this would make others uncomfortable.

OK....I gotta ask. What is "pegging" play? Never heard the term

 

As far as straight women in the lifestyle.....we've never had a problem. Tam's straight and that's how she's listed on our profile. Many of the women (of the couples we full swap with) are bi or bi-curious and when we play, there's never a problem with just male-female sex. Sure she's kissed a few women, but it's only been after we've become good friends with them. I just don't get it when straight couples say they have a hard time finding couples to play with

 

Brett

[Guest warrencouple]

I'm going to start by relating that we got a reply back from the club just recently. It seems our feeling wasn't correct, it wasn't a "we don't think you'll fit, go away" e-mail.

 

Fuse:

Pegging is a nick name for when a female uses a strap on to take a male anally.

 

As for where the wife made her comment, it was in the privacy of our bedroom the other night, I probably should have made that clear.

 

We're both very respectful of others, and do our best to not make bad comments to people, about people (we both stay out of the office gossip loops) She has no problem with what other people enjoy (we both enjoy watching porn, including F/F) As for should've waited to bring up the idea, yeah, I started having 2nd thoughts about asking...

After I hit send...

Which didn't do much good...

 

Luckily, so far, the only person(s) who've heard this is whoever reads the e-mails sent to the club.

 

We're going to discuss whether we still want to go tomorrow, part of me still wants to, and I think part of her, also, as we've had good times the few times we've gone. Partly, I suspect there's still some residual "are they saying go ahead and show as they still want our money" feelings.

 

We'll see where we go from here...

 

But, thank you, everyone.

Jason

 

PS

Fuse, don't worry about the rambling, I was too. Haven't slept a full night in 3-4 days, wake up at some ungodly hour, lie awake for a while, finally get back to sleep, and it seems the d*mn alarm goes off...

[Guest warrencouple]

OK....I gotta ask. What is "pegging" play? Never heard the term

 

As far as straight women in the lifestyle.....we've never had a problem. Tam's straight and that's how she's listed on our profile. Many of the women (of the couples we full swap with) are bi or bi-curious and when we play, there's never a problem with just male-female sex. Sure she's kissed a few women, but it's only been after we've become good friends with them. I just don't get it when straight couples say they have a hard time finding couples to play with

 

Brett

 

Definition of pegging, see above...

 

I wouldn't say we've had a problem finding anyone. We've not played, period, we're that new. We have agreed, as the Mrs isn't ready, and doesn't know if she'd ever be ready, that we are a non-swap (soft or hard) couple. Obviously, this limits us more to the voyeur / exhibitionist fringe of the lifestyle. That's presuming one of us doesn't freeze up (me, perhaps? I'll laugh about it) and can't "perform." The Mrs has kicked around the idea of finding the elusive single female to have a FMF (me being the point of attention), but isn't sure she could do even this. In case you were wondering, this discussion has occurred prior to our reading in bed, not during / after making love, so it's been a serious discussion...

 

Jason

[WildMiCouple 325]

Pegging is a nick name for when a female uses a strap on to take a male anally.

Yep......I'd of probably waited to get to know the club members before I brought that one up

[Guest warrencouple]

Yep......I'd of probably waited to get to know the club members before I brought that one up

 

I think with the e-mail, it was a case of the mouth dis-engaged from the brain (or the typing fingers, as it were)...

 

Not the first time it's happened to me, won't be the last, I'm sure...

Sometimes, I tend to "over communicate" when I feel comfortable around someone, and truth be told, the folks at the club, have done a good job o making me (and the Mrs!) feel comfortable (as comfortable as two total newbs can be!)

 

I think if we go tomorrow, I'm going to quietly apologize, as well...

 

Jason

 

And you know, I think I'm over communicating here, too...

:-0

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Sooooo, you want to get pegged in the club by your wife, you hanging in the swing, with no interaction between you two and other people while there ?

 

You guys are kinky as hell man

 

But yet, kissing a girl would make the Mrs puke ?

 

Thats kinda different

 

I could imagine the club hosts/owners, not knowing what the hell to say as you inquired....... You definitely have an unusual kink....

 

You might even scare the crap out of the people at a mellow club

 

If I were you, I would keep the peggin under my hat, till ya get to know a few regulars or find a sutible match

[TNT 1,155]

OK....I gotta ask. What is "pegging" play? Never heard the term

 

Glad you asked...I'd never heard the term before either. Learn something new every day

 

If we're right for the Lifestyle, or if there's a place for a couple like us...

 

This all started with an e-mail replay from the club we're looking at joining. We e-mailed asking about some rules concerning toy usage, and bringing your own to use. One of the questions was about using the swing in the club for a bit of "pegging" play, with the caveat of "unless it is felt that this would make others uncomfortable." The reply we got back kind of felt like both a "yes it would likely make the members uncomfortable," and a "we don't think you'll fit in at our club, go away." We did reply back (nicely!) that we did understand, and, if they would still have us, would still like to join. We've not heard back.

 

 

There's a place for everyone in swinging, no matter what their kink is. Finding it can at times take a while.

 

I would think that any club who received an e-mail like that would respond in such a way as not to make you feel bad about your personal kink...they should understand that everyone has something they like that is not appealing to others. It would seem to me that a response along the lines of "Yes, that might make others feel uncomfortable and we try to ensure the comfort of all our members and would ask that if you would like to try this, please keep the door to the room closed (I'm assuming there is a door). We look forward to seeing you at the club".

 

It does seem that any act that could remotely be associated with male bi-activity is looked down on in a club setting...although I don't feel that a male who enjoys anal play is necessarily bi...I just think it feels good so they like it...others look at it differently. Mentioning it in your e-mail could have thrown whoever read it for loop.

 

Teresa

[sweet_tna 680]

There's no such thing as "over communication". Seems to me you did the polite thing by checking with the club owners to find out whether a type of play you enjoy would make others uncomfortable. Their response, while I've not read it for myself, seems to indicate the reader was caught off guard, and did not handle the response as tactfully as they might have.

 

I say go to the club and enjoy. If you would like to pull the owners/managers aside and assure them you have no intentions to make others uncomfortable, then by all means, do so. But you have nothing to apologize for.

 

As for your wife being aggressively straight . . .? Disinterest in same sex contact is fine, but outright disgust could be cause for concern. So your wife may want to think of a more tactful response to queries about her sexual preferences. I was listed on our profile as straight to begin with, and we did not have issues finding playmates--nor did anyone push for anything I was uncomfortable with.

 

Good luck to ya'll, and let us know how it goes!

[Guest warrencouple]

Mrs. here. First off, I'm not sure who Mr was having that conversation with but it sure wasn't me! I've never said anything about kissing another woman making me want to throw up. Mr isn't home right now or I'd ask him what he was talking about. I am 100% straight, yes, but while I'm not interested in kissing another woman, it wouldn't make me throw up.

 

I think he's pouting right now. I told him last night that I feel weird about going to the club after the 'pegging' inquiry and that I didn't want to go tonight. He assured me he wasn't mad, just disappointed, then asked me this morning to at least think about going but no more was said about it.

 

So, then, tonight, the entire drive home from work (we work together) felt like the aftermath of a fight. He barely spoke to me during the drive or after we got home. I knew he was disappointed and even (probably) annoyed at me but figured he'd surf the 'net for a while and then come out to the living room for us to talk. But no, he suddenly came into the living room carrying a golf club and said he was going to the driving range, that he 'needed to get out.' Nice.

 

Anyway, sorry about rambling but I needed to get this off my chest and then reading his comment in this thread really set me off. He needs to get his butt home so we can talk.

[Guest warrencouple]

So, I finally got home from the range, and the Mrs and I discussed what was going on between us tonight. Apparently (and possibly) I might have dreamed the conversation about her and throwing up. Considering all week I've been not sleeping well, it's a distinct possibility...

 

Boy, this has been a rough week / day / night...

Jason

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Glad to hear you are talking

 

Funny how things get mixed up sometimes, isnt it.

 

We have had to talk about a few things more than once ourselves

[NCfuncouple98 367]

Apparently (and possibly) I might have dreamed the conversation about her and throwing up. Considering all week I've been not sleeping well, it's a distinct possibility...

 

Boy, this has been a rough week / day / night...

Jason

 

We have been there as well. Sometimes dreams can seem very real. Don't beat yourself up about it, you've talked it out now, all is well. We've done this more than once - something said can be misunderstood so easily, and we have had to re-hash it several times to make sure we're both clear on what was said AND meant.

 

Now get some sleep!

[WildMiCouple 325]

I knew he was disappointed and even (probably) annoyed at me but figured he'd surf the 'net for a while and then come out to the living room for us to talk. But no, he suddenly came into the living room carrying a golf club and said he was going to the driving range, that he 'needed to get out.' Nice.

Well don't beat him up too much on this one.....it was sunny and 62* yesterday Something we haven't seen in quite a few months

 

Brett

[Guest warrencouple]

Well don't beat him up too much on this one.....it was sunny and 62* yesterday Something we haven't seen in quite a few months

 

Brett

 

Yeah, but by the time I got out to the range, it was dark and under 60!

 

Good thing for domed driving ranges!

 

Jason

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

First off, I want to say how glad I am that you guys have been sharing your journey here. I think many of us who have been in this for a long time can forget just how hard those initial steps can be for many. So please don't think you are abnormal for having these fears or worries... you are perfectly normal and your journey shared here will help many more know that they are normal down the road.

 

To answer your questions, there are many straight/straight couples that swing quite happily. Yes, you may have to turn down some women... but come on you were going to be doing that anyway (unless Mr WarrenCouple is willing to screw any female who approaches him), as well as men. And yes some couples will give you grief and give you the "you don't know till you try it" speech.... but it's your choice. And there are bi women (who if you allow it) will happily play with you without any need for female/female contact.

 

As for the pegging thing (I'm in the group that was unfamiliar with that term), once you cleared up what it was, I can understand where some miscommunication may have happened that might have made you feel the way you felt. As TnT said, it does seem that anything to do with male bisexuality is shunned within the lifestyle (and especially at the clubs), so my advice to you too would probably be unless the swing is in a room that you can use privately that's probably something you'll want to leave at home (unfortunately). Heck, I'd love to watch it, and I'm pretty sure there are other women who would too....

 

Just keep communicating with each other and don't let little setbacks hurt you. Remember that the most important thing is your relationship and swinging is the last thing you should be fighting over. It will happen when it happens.

[Guest warrencouple]

JustAskJulie, and everyone else. Thanks.

 

It was a rough week, but the weekend more than made up for everything that went bad this week. The Mrs and I made up Friday, and had a great weekend, just the two of us.

 

We're still talking about going next weekend to the clubs "Steak & BJ" night, but she's still not entirely sure. I've told her (and I mean it!) that whatever she decides is going to be OK, although I might get "annoyed" if she says yes now, and no the night before or day of (I tend to look forward to things, including outside swinging, and if someone says "no" the day before, or the day of, it gets under my skin. Had an incident at work a couple years back that did this. Was planning to meet family at an amusement park, on a Saturday. Boss tells me, we're working this Sat, big client needs us to move and re-setup their equipment... I was NOT a happy camper that day, and being one of the "better" techs {or so everyone tells me}, it was pretty much a "have to go") I've told her, if we go, and don't use the play areas, that's OK, as long as we're together, and have a good time.

 

I do think, that just looking into swinging, and the little bit we've done so far (going to a couple clubs), has made our relationship stronger, although not without its bumps along the way. We've both been able, I think, to open up a bit more with each other, about fantasies, or other people being attractive.

 

Once again, thanks

Jason

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

First, echo what others have said about happy you guys talked it all out!

 

But no, he suddenly came into the living room carrying a golf club and said he was going to the driving range, that he 'needed to get out.' Nice..

 

And, just wanted to add on...

 

Sometimes it's a good thing to step out and go whack the living crap out of some balls. Very cathartic I wouldn't take his desire to go whack some balls as a negative.

[Guest warrencouple]

I just told her about everyone saying to not get after me for going out to the range...

 

She commented that she wasn't annoyed at me (that night) for going to the range, but for leaving the way I did, and for not sticking around to try to smooth it out then.

 

Jason

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

She commented that she wasn't annoyed at me (that night) for going to the range, but for leaving the way I did, and for not sticking around to try to smooth it out then.

 

 

I can understand her annoyance but I will add that sometimes it's best to wait a little before trying to talk things out so that you can sort things out in your own head before trying to explain them to someone else. That said there is a lot to be said for handling things a certain way when you need that space to work things out in your head.

[hands4fun 15]

The other woman being bi for us is a non issue. The Mrs. totally loves playing with women, but only if it is the right women. It is never a deal breaker for us one way or the other. If she isn't into the other woman or if it is the other way around no big deal, that is just a bonus for her. A long time ago when we first started swinging and my wife came out so to speak and desided how much fun playing with a woman can be she started vetoing couples just because she wasn't attracted to the woman, well she is fussy to start with and even fussier when it comes to playing with females. We had a talk shortly after that and I explained my point of veiw, the what if the shoe was on the other foot kinda thing. After that talk If she is good with the male half and I am good with the female half they get the thumbs up, if her and the woman get along, that is just a bonus. (Not really sure if it applies any more now that I think of it, cuz we are free to go our separate ways now....hummmm guess it is time for another talk, LOL) Anyways, just because the feamle half of your couple isn't bi should not be a problem, lots of couples that we know are the way we are (or were) when it comes to bi females, great if they are but not a deal breaker if not......

[Guest warrencouple]

Well, having talked it out, and thought about it over the weekend, we've pulled the trigger. We're going this Saturday, signing up, and hopefully we'll have the guts / nerve to go up to the play areas, and enjoy ourselves (just ourselves, for now)

 

Possibly, we'll use the semi-private area, or we might be the "frightened newbies" who lock ourselves in the private room. Either way, it ought to be a very "interesting" evening for us.

 

Jason

[sweet_tna 680]

Well, having talked it out, and thought about it over the weekend, we've pulled the trigger. We're going this Saturday, signing up, and hopefully we'll have the guts / nerve to go up to the play areas, and enjoy ourselves (just ourselves, for now)

 

Possibly, we'll use the semi-private area, or we might be the "frightened newbies" who lock ourselves in the private room. Either way, it ought to be a very "interesting" evening for us.

 

Jason

 

Sounds like a plan . .. can't wait to hear how things go for ya'll!

 

=)

[The Fuse 1,012]

Yes, please let us know!

 

And also, please... I hope both of you take things as easy as possible. Nothing will scare your wife away faster than if you seem too eager to push her boundaries. And I hope she will always assume that you fully supportive of her, no matter what.

[Mr.Essex 264]

Sooooo, you want to get pegged in the club by your wife, you hanging in the swing, with no interaction between you two and other people while there ?

 

You guys are kinky as hell man

 

But yet, kissing a girl would make the Mrs puke ?

 

That's kinda different

 

I could imagine the club hosts/owners, not knowing what the hell to say as you inquired....... You definitely have an unusual kink....

 

You might even scare the crap out of the people at a mellow club

 

If I were you, I would keep the pegging under my hat, till ya get to know a few regulars or find a suitable match

 

 

Kinky is as kinky does. I've met my share of women who love gay porn. Their reasoning? The action's hotter and harder/the men are more attractive/better use of the "get to know you" part of production are some good examples. But, the one thing that they all had in common? Straight as arrows. In fact, one of them said (quoted) "If I wanted to look at a pussy, I'd sit on my bed and grab a mirror! I want to see hard cocks, six-packs and muscular asses!"

 

Sorry to divert from the thread, but I'm an amateur aficionado of kink (As a single male, I like to weed out the obvious cuckold couples and hardcore BDSMers). I've played the "Wait, women don't have three hands!" game before, so I like to keep it safe.

[Guest warrencouple]

Yes, please let us know!

 

And also, please... I hope both of you take things as easy as possible. Nothing will scare your wife away faster than if you seem too eager to push her boundaries. And I hope she will always assume that you fully supportive of her, no matter what.

 

I think we're both starting to get a bit nervous. I know I am. I'm willing to joke around that she'll be ready and raring to go to the play area, and I'll get an attack of the "shys" and want to stay in the "normal" areas.

 

Part of me is sitting here thinking "this'll be so COOL" and part of me is going "are we REALLY doing this!?!"

 

Comes from being a Catholic school kid, a generally quiet and introverted person, and a guy who worries more about hurting his wife, than his own feelings.

/me hyperventilates

Jason

[Guest screaminggood]

Then SLOW DOWN! Go to a club with the agreement to just watch, then you don't have to worry about getting the shys. Y'all can go, see what it's like, and then go home and discuss it (most likely during some of the hottest sex you've ever had). But it would take the pressure off to slow it down.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

You're totally normal. It really is one of those things where you just have to accept that you won't know how you will feel until you get there. If you can go with the aggreement from both of you that you are just there to enjoy each other and check things out and that you can leave at any time if either of you is not comfortable you will do well.

[Guest warrencouple]

The Mrs here. We didn't go to the club last night. Money was a factor (a large factor) but also, his mom has been in the hospital since Monday (she's not been well for years) and his dad has been spending the night there almost every night so Mr offered to stay Friday night and let his dad get some rest. He managed, maybe, 15 minutes of sleep the whole night so was absolutely wiped when I brought him home yesterday, having been up for over 24 hours. He slept about 4 hours then seemed kinda out of it the rest of the day and evening. He may not agree but I'm glad we'd opted out of going to the club because, as zonked as he was, he really wouldn't have enjoyed it. And if he hadn't, I wouldn't have.

 

To be honest, I think I'm back to the uncertainty of the whole thing. I really don't know that I could ever have sex with another guy nor be able to let another woman have sex with him so, what's the whole point of even going to a swinger's club? Mr said if I get on here and post my thoughts on this, get a few thoughts from others here, that it might help me work things out.

 

Anyway. Those are my thoughts. Any comments are welcome; thanks.

 

The Mrs.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

. . . Mr said if I get on here and post my thoughts on this, get a few thoughts from others here, that it might help me work things out.

 

Anyway. Those are my thoughts. Any comments are welcome; thanks.

 

The Mrs.

Why should this be your burden to "work things out"? Looks like The Mister has already decided that that there is only one correct answer to the question.

[PB&J 1,086]

It seems to me that the problem is that Mr Warren wants this, and you don't. And there is NOTHING wrong with you not wanting it. You may never want it. No problem. Sadly, it's not like hiking, which I enjoy and my husband doesn't. So I have hiking weekends with my sister a few times a year. BUT if I couldn't hike except with my husband, and he just couldn't do it, for whatever reason, then my relationship with my husband would take priority over hiking. I know, crappy analogy.

 

It's a big step, participating in the lifestyle, to whatever degree. If you're not ready for it, Mr Warren has to respect that.

[slevin 1,374]

There seems to be a continuing thread of the two of you needing to communicate more openly together. I get the impression that across a few different posts here you have both had an impression of what the other was saying/thinking that didn't necessarily correctly correspond with the others intention. Could this perhaps be the case again with the negatively tinged "come here to work things out" wording?

 

My impression here, purely based on tone and trying to read context, is that the Mr is interested in this, nervous about it, eager to continue to talk about it and pursue it though perhaps not always sure of how to communicate his thoughts to you. You seem interested in it, more hesitant than he is, unsure of whether it is for you, enjoying what you've seen so far, but ultimately unsure.

 

If that is the case then there is nothing wrong with you continuing to post here, read things here, research things and talk openly with mrwarren about your thoughts and feelings on the subject. He needs to openly listen, share his thoughts without pressuring anything to happen. The two of you should keep at it to see whether its for you or not.

 

If I am wrong and you're purely continuing to think about it because of mrwarrens excitement about it, then yeah perhaps its time to put this subject away and move on to other things.

[Guest warrencouple]

First off, no, this hasn't been settled by him as a "we're going, deal with it" sort of thing. He's told me from the beginning that we will be going at my speed. And we have no problem talking things out about this but he thought other perspectives than his might help me think it through. He's promised to back off the subject for now, not even surf here or anything, while I try and work this out in my head.

 

The Mrs.

[slevin 1,374]

First off, no, this hasn't been settled by him as a "we're going, deal with it" sort of thing. He's told me from the beginning that we will be going at my speed. And we have no problem talking things out about this but he thought other perspectives than his might help me think it through. He's promised to back off the subject for now, not even surf here or anything, while I try and work this out in my head.

 

The Mrs.

 

Cool, thats good then. Sometimes it's hard to really read into what else is going on just from reading posts. Glad you guys are already talking openly and using this place as a resource for getting other viewpoints and opinions for you both to evaluate and discuss. Always a good thing

[Guest warrencouple]

Before anyone jumps on me for breaking the promise I made the Mrs about staying off the site, I haven't been here for a couple days now.

 

I did leave her be about the whole thing, but had some thoughts running around in my head, that I put down in a note to her, about what I wanted / hoped for if we were to go to a club.

 

She read it today.

 

She then told me...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She had been planning to surprise me by arranging for us to go one weekend next month, but just hadn't gotten online last night to see what events were coming up. She's now calling me the "surprise ruiner" (in fun, of course)

 

I'm still going to try to back off on the subject, because she was right, I was being a pest with her. So, I may be cropping up in the postings again...

 

Jason

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I really want this to work for you guys - IF you both really want it.

 

What worries me is the Mrs saying that she's not sure she really wants this. SHe's not sure she feels that she could ever have sex with someone else (or allow you to do so). Now you don't have to agree to having sex with other people, BUT you do both have to come to an agreement on what you want out of swinging and go with that in mind. It can't be well we'll agree to this for now with the home of changing her mind down the road.

 

It doesn't really matter what the two of you decide to do together, so long as you both agree and are comfortable with the decision.

[Guest warrencouple]

I really want this to work for you guys - IF you both really want it.

 

What worries me is the Mrs saying that she's not sure she really wants this. SHe's not sure she feels that she could ever have sex with someone else (or allow you to do so). Now you don't have to agree to having sex with other people, BUT you do both have to come to an agreement on what you want out of swinging and go with that in mind. It can't be well we'll agree to this for now with the home of changing her mind down the road.

 

It doesn't really matter what the two of you decide to do together, so long as you both agree and are comfortable with the decision.

 

Yeah, I agree with you, in truth.

 

Part of why I took the step back recently, and after reading a few responses to my other posts in this thread, is I realized I was becoming one of "those guys." You know the ones, the ones who post the "how do I make my wife swap / swing" threads. I don't want to be one of those guys.

 

So, I made a choice, for myself, for us. I am going to abide by HER decision, and her limits. I am not going to push for anything. If, at some point, she changes her mind, then we'll go from there. I've told her that yes, at least in my head, the mental fantasy of watching her being eaten by another man, is arousing. But, even I admit that if that were to happen in reality, I can't say for sure that I would be OK with it, it may need / have to stay a fantasy. Needless to say, I do have several fantasies that just the two of us could fulfill, at an on-premise club (where else can you watch another couple (or several people) having sex, and have people watching you have sex, and not get arrested??)

 

So, we had a discussion on this (which is where the preceding post came from,) and we're moving forward. Slowly, but that's OK.

 

As for both agreeing, and being comfortable with the decision, I realize that whatever our decision is, I want HER to be happy with it. I can survive being disappointed, if we don't continue, I'll get over it (knowing me, fairly quickly,) but the one thing I do NOT want to happen is for her to be hurt or unhappy. Which makes her a bit crazy, as SHE doesn't want to disappoint or hurt me. Ah, the joys of a couple in love.

 

Jason

[luvnksstyle 15]

I, also, was raised Catholic, and what I would recommend is discuss the beginnings of your sexual relationship together. If you waited til months after the wedding , til you were both comfortable in that situation, then, I would say , you are both in for another long journey. But, if you, like many other Catholic friends I know, shared those intimate moments and make out sessions out in the boonies LOL, then, I would say, going to your first meeting or club, will be a lot like that. Cuz, altho, you may not know if you'll find a couple that you'll be able to form the rare swing friendship with, I assure you , there will be plenty of beautiful people there that you're going to be attracted to, and wondering what it would be like to make out with them. After finding a possible playmate, the rest is just a matter of communication.

[Guest warrencouple]

LuvNKStyle, I suppose I should have said, while I was raised Catholic (or at least went to a Catholic school), shortly after getting to high school, I rather fell out of the church (and never looked back)

 

I never got crazy (brother and sister did that!) but I've not missed religion. Me and the Mrs, our first make outs tended to be in my car, in front of her house. Our first time, I think, was a hotel we stayed in over night. But, yes, I think we are in for a long journey, and we're going to have a number of starts and stops along the way, where we need to figure out what we're doing (or not going to do), and if we want to keep going down this path.

 

Right now, pretty much everything as far as going to the club / swinging is on hold, due to our family situation.

 

We have had discussions about the people we've seen the couple times we've been to the club, and we're both willing to admit we find other people attractive, but, as said, the Mrs isn't ready to bring others into our bed, and I'm going to abide by (and not try to change!) her decision. No rancor, no recriminations, no hurt on my part, and no pressure to change that choice. She'll either decide to change it herself, or we'll be "that couple that only watches, and enjoys being watched, but never plays with anyone else." As I told her, if that's the case, that's fine with me. If others have a problem with it, that's not OUR problem, it's theirs. If the club we like so far has a problem with it, that's their loss, not ours (after all, it means they're not getting our $$$)

 

Jason

[Speed & Trixie 163]

We have had discussions about the people we've seen the couple times we've been to the club, and we're both willing to admit we find other people attractive, but, as said, the Mrs isn't ready to bring others into our bed, and I'm going to abide by (and not try to change!) her decision. No rancor, no recriminations, no hurt on my part, and no pressure to change that choice. She'll either decide to change it herself, or we'll be "that couple that only watches, and enjoys being watched, but never plays with anyone else." As I told her, if that's the case, that's fine with me. If others have a problem with it, that's not OUR problem, it's theirs. If the club we like so far has a problem with it, that's their loss, not ours (after all, it means they're not getting our $$$)

 

Jason

 

I love this! The best thing Speed has ever done for me in this journey is to constantly remind me that WE, he and I, are the most important priority ALWAYS. He is extremely attentive when we go out, and makes sure to be a true gentleman (which makes me feel like a very special lady). It sounds like you and he are "cut from the same cloth" so to speak. It's very easy to get caught up in the "newness" of the lifestyle and start focusing on this person or that couple or this party, etc. But keepping focused on their OWN relationship, that's when couples seem to have the most fun!

 

Good luck with your family situation, and good decision (imho) on holding off swinging-talk for now. There is a time and place for everything.

 

Trixie

[luvnksstyle 15]

and the other thing , is if you are each other's first and only?? if each other is the only sexual experience either of you have had, then, the experience of inviting others into the bedroom is going to be a long exploration of discovery. But, also, one , i think, produces its own rewards and satisfactions, and i think you said it yourself, that the communication is a lot better, and more insightful, maybe?? meaningful?? it's kinda like discovering each other's likes and dislikes all over again.

[sexcupid 809]

She had been planning to surprise me by arranging for us to go one weekend next month, but just hadn't gotten online last night to see what events were coming up.

 

I really want this to work for you guys - IF you both really want it.

 

What worries me is the Mrs saying that she's not sure she really wants this. SHe's not sure she feels that she could ever have sex with someone else (or allow you to do so).

 

Perhaps Mrs. Warrencouple's area of comfort is when she is the one to actually make the plans for the two of you? The scheduler/appointment maker as the case may be. For lack of a better way to put it, by making the plans herself she probably feels more in control of the situation. ie: "I'm planning this" vs "He wants us to go to the club this weekend". Yes, both sentiments may end in the same goal (going to the club)...but one is bound to make her feel better about it.

 

Hope all works out and some of your club visits result in play with each other. Sometimes it's just super hot to have a change of venue and knowing that there are other people around.

 

Good luck

[Guest warrencouple]

Perhaps Mrs. Warrencouple's area of comfort is when she is the one to actually make the plans for the two of you? The scheduler/appointment maker as the case may be. For lack of a better way to put it, by making the plans herself she probably feels more in control of the situation. ie: "I'm planning this" vs "He wants us to go to the club this weekend". Yes, both sentiments may end in the same goal (going to the club)...but one is bound to make her feel better about it.

 

Hope all works out and some of your club visits result in play with each other. Sometimes it's just super hot to have a change of venue and knowing that there are other people around.

 

Good luck

 

Yeah, could be. I've laid off quite a bit on the subject, in general, partly to let her more set the pace (yes, I was sort of more setting the pace before, being the scheduler), and partly, these last couple weeks have not been good weeks.

 

As she mentioned some posts back in this thread, my mother hasn't been doing well. Well, this weekend, she passed. So, once we get past this, we'll see where things go from here.

[Dave_Patti 15]

Please accept our condolences on the loss of your mother.

 

Dave & Patti

[Guest warrencouple]

Please accept our condolences on the loss of your mother.

 

Dave & Patti

 

Thank you.