Advice for the First Threesome? - Calming Nerves

[NymphoWind 16]

Well its about that time once again, me and my partner have been talking about our fantasies even more since the last attempt set up fell through...

 

The first thing that came up was a question for each other, and that was;

"Is making our fantasies something that should stay fantasies or something that should become reality?"

And the answer was simply "They should become reality!"

 

Anyways we've talked about the whole MFM and FMF set ups, and as far as it goes Shes completely up for the FMF play, only she wants me to find our unicorn...

 

With the MFM I'm completely interested in making it happan, as the very thought of it/looking at pictures online and picturing us in those situations are very much a huge turn on, and honestly something I have been fantasizing about alot, and a complete turn on for her also...

 

Anyways as finding the right single girl for the part is a bit harder than finding a willing male I do understand that it may be a while before we find our sexy 3rd for our hot first FMF, but in the mean time we are still very interested in having a MFM.

 

To make things better, we have been spending our time looking for the right guy for sometime now, along side of learning more about the lifestyle and involving someone in our play as much as we can, in our search we have found someone we both are currently interested in, he seems pretty cool, but before anything happens we'll probably take a little more time to make sure he's perfect for our first MFM play...

 

As time draws closer and closer to the actual set up, I'm sure we'll both become much more nervous about it, now the question I wanted to ask is from anyone who has had a new playmate join for the first time, what did you and your partner do to make things more comfortable/calm and less nervous?

This question applies for both MFM and FMF...

Thanks...

[Precocious 94]

Hi.

 

I've participated in both types of threesomes. The first was FMF with my friend and her husband, and it just happened. We were comfortable enough with each other as friends that he started playing with her and the next thing I knew, I was involved. It was very cool.

 

The MFM was with Mr. Precocious and my friend's husband, and it too just happened. Mr. Precocious started playing with me and the next thing I knew, the friend's husband was involved. It too was very cool.

 

When I think about fantasies, the thing that makes them fantasies is that you never know when they might happen. Spontenaiety is important for me/us, and making new friends and seeing where things go, if they go, if part of the fun. But then, where we live there are no swing clubs. There are house parties and we typically don't attend them (we feel that play is expected). There are Meet and Greets at bars/lounges where sometimes couples leave paired up. We haven't left in that way yet and really don't want to.

 

For us, the "perfect" experience is something that just happens. Planning, scheduling, etc., just make us feel awkward, but maybe that's because we are still very new to this whole thing.

 

I would say that no pressure should be placed on the third party, but when something is planned, there is pressure. When you are looking for that perfect experience, there are performance expectations. When things just happen, there is no pressure or expectations.

 

Just my limited experience opinion.

 

Mrs. Precocious

[traveling cpl 59]

Once you have selected the third person, in this case a male, allow your wife to exchange emails with him, maybe even ask some questions about previous encounters etc, then both talk with him on the phone, leaving her to complete the call, after all she will make the final decision. That's the easy part, the next part is the actual meeting, his conduct when in public, bringing up the reason why you are all there and not just talking about the weather. Allow your wife and him to chat a bit by themselves whilst you order a drink at the bar, then later take your time and enjoy what will happen. Your wife will make the first move, be it to or with you or him. Let her be the master of ceremonies.

[joaninla 162]

As a wife that has happily participated in many MFM's, my suggestion for your first is to go with a guy your wife knows and trusts. I was as nervous as could be with our first threesome (and the 2nd and 3rd too), but my husband let me decide who the lucky guy would be and that made a huge difference for me. I picked an old boy friend who I knew would be up (no pun intended) for it. I knew he really liked having sex with me, he enjoyed my body and many of the jitters of 'first time sex' (even in a one-on-one situation) were not an issue. All three of us had a great time.

[Guest screaminggood]

Here's a quandry for the OP: my advice is the exact opposite of the previous posters. My husband's preference is that my extra men be people that we have no history with, and outside of the sex, will have no future with....his concern is drama, and since it's allowing me to play for my pleasure, it's easy for me to conform to his request.

 

The only other suggestion I have for the first time is be certain to communicate with each other at least through glances and smiles. In those first couple experiences, I always looked at my husband for reassurance that he was okay with what he was seeing me do!

[Guest Trellken]

I picked an old boy friend who I knew would be up (no pun intended) for it. I knew he really liked having sex with me, he enjoyed my body and many of the jitters of 'first time sex' (even in a one-on-one situation) were not an issue. All three of us had a great time.

 

I would imagine that bringing in someone that you had an actual relationship with in the past would complicate matters tremendously and increase the likelihood of there being issues of jealousy or post-threesome complications.

[JM153 346]

I don't have any answers to the OP's original question - How to calm the nerves? However, I do have some advice based on experience. Be sure the third male understands what the roles of each male will be. Our first MFM was with a very experience man who took the lead, but made sure that each of us were equally involved. It was great for all of us as we shared making her feel great. The second the guy thought a threesome was just he and her hooking up with me not participating but only watching. This didn't go well and finally I had to end it prematurely. He was not a good candidate for what we had in mind.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

I don't have any answers to the OP's original question - How to calm the nerves? However, I do have some advice based on experience. Be sure the third male understands what the roles of each male will be. Our first MFM was with a very experience man who took the lead, but made sure that each of us were equally involved. It was great for all of us as we shared making her feel great. The second the guy thought a threesome was just he and her hooking up with me not participating but only watching. This didn't go well and finally I had to end it prematurely. He was not a good candidate for what we had in mind.

 

Ditto, we had the exact same experiences.

 

As for calming the nerves? That was part of the excitement for us - the butterflies, the nervousness... It's normal to be nervous - think about the first time you had sex with each other! I'm sure it was the same thing.

 

Just don't hold the expectations to a specific fantasy, and let it happen. Keep all involved, and enjoy.

[DigginIt 1,132]

I just posted a thread under good experiences and you can read about ours. This was our very first swing experience (MFM) and that was just this past Friday.

 

Here are a couple thoughts. I FELT I was ready to see my wife having fun but I wasn't 100% sure that my wife was ready. I'm very happy that the first experience was MFM because since then, over the last week I have seen her go from nervous prior to the experience to excited then afterwards back to nervousness and now to a total embracing attitude.

 

This is completely CHEESY but it has been like watching a flower bloom. I too have felt like I've come out of a shell. It has opened my mind up to all of the possibilities. It was a liberating experience for us. Neither of us had ever had a swing experience before this night.

 

I read many of the posts on this site and when you read mine you will see that it was NOT what we expected but it was great none the less. My biggest fear about the experience, prior to it happening, was that the other guy would be homophobic. I'm straight as straight can be but if I accidentally grabbed his hand because it was already on the breast I was reaching for (almost happened), I'm not worried about killing the mood. I can't say that for others.

 

That might be a good follow up question. Anyone out there find guys that freak out from accidental touching. Hell, if I'm really into it, I might just slap the guys ass while he's enjoying my wife, just kidding.

 

As far as the comment about the ex-boyfriend, that's too much for me. I'm very secure in my relationship but you never know about any issues that were never completely resolved that might fuck with emotions. We want our playtime with a couple that we have chemistry with, not a history with. To each their own though.

 

Hope this helps.

[frisky-n-fun 31]

Our first FMF did not go so well. We were inexperienced, she was inexperienced and a friend. She started crushing on Mr. Frisky beyond the sexual way and it took us a while to convince her she was welcome to hang with us and we were still her friends. We found that it was better for us to meet ppl. at swinger clubs or on swinger sites who had some experience to make up for our lack thereof. Just make sure there is a good connection, you get along well and everyone is comfortable and feels ready, and everyone knows what everyone wants from the experience and you will be fine. The "unicorn" is harder to come by but patience will pay off:)

[Mr.Essex 264]

I have one piece of advice for starting your first MFM: Let the woman make the first physical move. Believe me, you can save yourself a lot of drama by letting her take some control.

 

Of course, before you even invite him over, you should make sure that your wife/SO/GF is fully aware that things will only go as far as she wants them to go. IOW, if she just wants a little bit of flirting or petting (*), she should know that she doesn't need to go any farther than maybe a couple of squeezes. If she's looking for some oral (giving or receiving), then the same. If she's actually ready for insertive intercourse, then the same applies. It's been said hundred of times on this board, but letting the women lead is always the smartest thing to do. And remember to keep your head. If your guest tries to take things too far, and you can tell by your SO's body language that he's going too far, then you can remind her to assert her authority (the power of the pussy, yeah!) or step in. But, if you've done your research, then you would have picked a man whose first reaction upon seeing her naked isn't shoving his tongue down her throat and grabbing her breasts.

 

Oh yeah, pick neutral ground. If you're in his house, you don't know what surprises can be waiting for you. Or, and this has happened to me, he can't blame you for missing items in his house ** Likewise, if you invite him to your house and he turns out to be... "less than gentlemanly", you don't have to worry about him showing up at your house for seconds or for publicly embarrassing the both of you. And you don't have to worry about him stealing things from your house. Besides, who wants to go through all of that cleaning, straightening up and hiding of kinky items? A nice hotel room that can be left in disheveled condition is a lot better than looking at your totally destroyed bedroom or living room. You pack up your goodie bag (condoms, vibrators/dildoes, lube, ball gag, whip , whatever), meet at the appointed spot, then get ready for fun.

 

*(Laugh all you want, but I've met a few women in my time who were legitimate virgins when they got married. And by virgins, I mean that the only non-photographed erect penis that they'd seen up to the moment that they put their hands into my pants was their husband's. In a couple of cases, the woman hadn't even had the experience of seeing another man's body. Apostates can be fun, look it up if you don't recognize the word.)

 

**(I'm still looking for a dozen CDs. That's the last time that I invite anyone over on a first liaison. They aren't replaceable by any means, so their loss really bothers me.)