Thought Jealousy?

[NymphoWind 16]

In the middle of my sit-ups I had a thought pop in my head, and so I thought I'd take about 5mins away from my workout to post a question for those who are in the swinger lifestyle.

 

Now I understand that those who are in the lifestyle find it a huge turn on to see their partner with another, etc etc...

 

But for those of you who are in the lifestyle is there ever a time when you feel slightly jealous seeing your partner with another?

Do you/have you felt any kind of jealousy towards your partner during or after ever playing?

(Just a question that my mind has found interest in hearing...)

[dnmnms 55]

Hmmm great question.

For me (female half here) I have never experienced any jealousy during or after. In fact its a huge turn on for me to see my hubby in action. And afterwards discussing it always gets me turned on big time.

 

Maybe once or twice I had a twinge of jealousy when we are in the beginning stage...Just starting the "talk" part and thats only if I am sitting there not engaged in conversation. And that has only came into play once or twice in the 2 1/2 yrs we have been in the LS. Heck, if we are in play mode and my "partner" for the night is taking a break...gone to get something to drink....cig break...or whatever I will watch hubby with the female. Never any jealousy to see that.

 

Melody

[IvoryTowers 380]

Nope.

 

I guess I'm lucky, but I just don't get this whole jealousy thing. As I understand it, jealousy is a fear that you will lose what you have to another person (as opposed to envy, which is desiring what someone else has).

 

When Mr. Ivory and I were first dating (I mean the first few weeks), another woman was gunning for him. He, sweet thing, didn't realize she wanted him as more than a friend and I didn't know him well enough yet to realize he wasn't trying to decide between us. I was jealous then, because in my view there was a very real possibility that I might lose him (btw, the jealousy ended the day he told me the other girl seemed upset when he'd ended a coffee date with "I'm having dinner with my girlfriend's family." He didn't get why she was upset!)

 

If a couple has a stable relationship and enters swinging for the right reasons--not to fix a relationship or because one person demands it, but to have fun and explore their sexuality--how can there be jealousy? I'm asking--what is there to be jealous of? I can understand envy "Wow, she's really enjoying that extra big cock. I wish I had that much girth." But "Wow, she's really enjoying that extra big cock. She's going to leave me"?!?

 

Do people really feel this way?

[slevin 1,374]

Do people really feel this way?

 

Yes, people do. Often.

[sweet_tna 680]

But for those of you who are in the lifestyle is there ever a time when you feel slightly jealous seeing your partner with another?

Do you/have you felt any kind of jealousy towards your partner during or after ever playing?

 

Honestly? No, I've never experienced any jealousy in the lifestyle. But I've never been one to feel jealous anyway.

 

I'm sure there are times when that green-eyed monster does rear it's ugly head. Mr. Sweet has a had a few of those moments . . . but we talked through them and worked it out.

 

To me, that's the key. It's not so much that those feelings creep up, but that you and your SO are able to work through it.

 

=)

[good times 991]

Now I understand that those who are in the lifestyle find it a huge turn on to see their partner with another, etc etc...

 

If you think this is true of everyone in the lifestyle, then your understanding is flawed. Some do get turned on by seeing their partner with someone else, some don't.

 

But for those of you who are in the lifestyle is there ever a time when you feel slightly jealous seeing your partner with another?

Do you/have you felt any kind of jealousy towards your partner during or after ever playing?

 

Nope, never have. Most of those that I have seen that have, didn't make it very far in swinging.

[Chicup 42]

We did separate rooms our first full swap.

 

Bad move, jealousy doesn't quite describe it though. I'm sure that what people call jealousy but it was more of a primal feeling. I was so distracted I made an ass of myself with the other woman, doing things far to fast and without thinking.

 

I'd say it took about a week to completely get over it.

 

Had we not been separate rooms I don't think there would have been an issue. The imagination is normally worse then the reality.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

. . . is there ever a time when you feel slightly jealous seeing your partner with another?

Do you/have you felt any kind of jealousy towards your partner during or after ever playing?

Sometimes I think to myself, "I can't believe she went for a dumb guy like that." I guess that might be close to jealousy. But then again she sometimes says, "I can't believe you wanted to f**k that [insert derogatory adjective here] woman." So I guess that might also be jealousy at work.

 

~Michael

[JustMrJ 178]

My wife and I have discussed this subject at length on numerous occasions. We both have agreed that if either of us ever starts to get jealous in the LifeStyle before, during or after play, we will drop out until we get our issues resolved.

 

To us, jealousy has absolutely no place in this LifeStyle.

 

That being said, I have yet to experience any sort of jealousy while watching my wife with another man, or several men or other combination. It's a hell of a turn on. To me, it's like watching a porn movie being made and my wife is the star, but the cameras are missing.

 

She has stated on more than one occasion to me that seeing me with another woman or women or group is a big turn on for her too. It makes her hot to see me having fun.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

To us, jealousy has absolutely no place in this LifeStyle.

 

But it is a part of the lifestyle to some degree. Many people experience it at some level while swinging.

The key is knowing how to deal with it, which of course comes down to communication and understanding those triggers that can cause the feelings to surface.

 

If jealousy was not an issue that some swingers have to deal with, I don't think it would warrant its own page on swingersboard.

[Chicup 42]

But it is a part of the lifestyle to some degree. Many people experience it at some level while swinging.

The key is knowing how to deal with it, which of course comes down to communication and understanding those triggers that can cause the feelings to surface.

 

If jealousy was not an issue that some swingers have to deal with, I don't think it would warrant its own page on swingersboard.

 

No kidding.

 

Personally I find it odd that so many say they had NO jealousy. I'm not sure thats even healthy.

 

I often play with a couple we know for MFM's and the first several times we did these my wife was not always 100% comfortable with this and had to be in the right mood.

 

Later the first time my wife had an MFM his wife had very strong jealousy feelings.

 

Finally the time I let her go play without me, I didn't have jealousy feelings, but I had an uneasy feeling if I thought about it.

 

Its primal, its normal, it can be over come. Its never been a major game breaking issue for us, but its still there. Most couples we know enough to really talk swinging with all talk about having bouts of this when they first started.

 

For us, most of it is when we were not together. The first time we played it was same room and we had no issues, it wasn't until we did separate that there were issues. Maybe for us its the not being included which makes it harder to handle at the time.

 

We are past that mostly. I say mostly because if my wife told me she set up a gang bang for herself and to not wait up, odds are I'd have 'issues' with that, that go beyond her safety

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Now I understand that those who are in the lifestyle find it a huge turn on to see their partner with another, etc etc...

 

But for those of you who are in the lifestyle is there ever a time when you feel slightly jealous seeing your partner with another?

Do you/have you felt any kind of jealousy towards your partner during or after ever playing?

 

So far, no, not at all. Guess it could happen given the right scenario, but we're not really jealous by nature. Probably the closest thing, but not really jealousy, was an early experience where he was hitting it off good with the other wife and she was really into him, but the Mrs didn't have the same chemistry with the other male. This was in a club environment and we had all gone together, so there was some awkwardness and feeling left out there. Nothing serious, and the scenario as we had it set up was almost doomed to have something like that happen from the start given the inexperience all around.

 

We did separate rooms our first full swap.

 

Bad move, jealousy doesn't quite describe it though. I'm sure that what people call jealousy but it was more of a primal feeling.

 

Had we not been separate rooms I don't think there would have been an issue. The imagination is normally worse then the reality.

 

Our first experience (technically second experience, but that's another topic) was just the opposite. Same room or separate is one of those never-ending debates, there is no wrong or right, and everybody has their preference and reasons for it. But, in our case, the separate rooms seemed to allow us to relax more and really enjoy things and see that this wasn't nearly as scary as we had made it out to be. For us doing same room, seeing the other is fun, but it's not something we are into in a huge way. I think the good separate room experience early on has helped us in several ways, one of which it was a good jealousy baptism by fire, and there wasn't any.

[traveling cpl 59]

My answer is yes, I had the thought for about one second on the third meet with a couple, only because his partner was not and interesting person. However, not long ago we meet a younger couple and had separate rooms. She was fine but during she wanted to see what the other two were doing and we found my partner and her partner in the kitchen just kissing after being together for at least two hours. She explored and went into a rage, why, because they were kissing, then took me back to 'our' room and started all over again including kissing, then left with him in silence.

[NymphoWind 16]

My answer is yes, I had the thought for about one second on the third meet with a couple, only because his partner was not and interesting person. However, not long ago we meet a younger couple and had separate rooms. She was fine but during she wanted to see what the other two were doing and we found my partner and her partner in the kitchen just kissing after being together for at least two hours. She explored and went into a rage, why, because they were kissing, then took me back to 'our' room and started all over again including kissing, then left with him in silence.

 

Sounds to me like someone broke rules...

 

And somewhat a perfect example for something not to do ever...

I can only imagine what happen once they got home...

[traveling cpl 59]

My answer is yes, I had the thought for about one second on the third meet with a couple, only because his partner was not and interesting person. However, not long ago we meet a younger couple and had separate rooms. She was fine but during she wanted to see what the other two were doing and we found my partner and her partner in the kitchen just kissing after being together for at least two hours. She explored and went into a rage, why, because they were kissing, then took me back to 'our' room and started all over again including kissing, then left with him in silence.

 

 

should read exploded not explored (bad typing)

[tnt69couple 64]

For me, Male, I have never been jealous watching my wife with other men. I think the only way I would get jealous is if she started having an emotional relationship with someone else.

[CXXC 435]

Nope.

 

--- As I understand it, jealousy is a fear that you will lose what you have to another person (as opposed to envy, which is desiring what someone else has).---

 

I think IvoryTowers hit the nail right on the head.

 

Jealousy can be a beast when a couple starts out. I think Envy may be the one emotion that rears its ugly head more often tho.

 

Point and case:

 

Couple number one goes to a house party. The wife of couple number one hits it off quickly with couple number two and things progress quickly. Hubby of couple number one did not find couple number 2 to his liking and moved aobut the party looking for his play mate (Undecided at the time). No one was available to him and he ends up sitting most of the party out feeling envious of his wife as she was instantly occupied.

 

When you are limited to couple on couple play (all 4 people together or not at all) you can avoid this issue. If you are free to play alone or separately, Envy will most probably be the issue and emotion experienced.

 

Jealousy is a different matter entirely. This fear will rip through you no matter how much fun you are having.

 

Have I experienced Jealousy? No! Honestly, I have never felt it once in my life. Envy on the other hand....YES. I have felt this int he lifestyle on two separate occasions. No drama came from it, however. Mrs. CXXC and I chatted for a few moments after the activity and all was well. We went back in and partied like ROCK STARS! A good time was had by all!

[JustMrJ 178]

I can say I've done a bit of 'bench warming' myself. No envy or jealousy developed because I'm a patient man and it was simply that the ladies I wanted to play with were occupied.

 

When one of the ladies was done that I was looking forward to play with, I asked if I could be next on her 'dance card'. She said yes, but she needed to 'recover' for a bit. So we had a lovely conversation and friendly petting while she recovered. After that we had a wonderful time playing.

 

I think there was only one party we went to that nobody really appealed to me. But I still got to see my lovely bride getting her rocks off, so it was still a fun time for me.

 

I don't ever feel that it is a problem for me to warm the bench. I just bide my time. Everyone wants to play at the parties we go to.

 

I do however find myself trying to get 'first dibbs' on some ladies that I know will be arriving...

[The Swing Set 15]

We did separate rooms our first full swap.

 

Bad move, jealousy doesn't quite describe it though. I'm sure that what people call jealousy but it was more of a primal feeling. I was so distracted I made an ass of myself with the other woman, doing things far to fast and without thinking.

 

I'd say it took about a week to completely get over it.

 

Had we not been separate rooms I don't think there would have been an issue. The imagination is normally worse then the reality.

 

You are so right, the imagination can do much more damage if you allow it. The key is to talk any of these concerns out the moment they surface.

 

I was very surprised to find that there was no jealousy involved when we began swinging. I imagined every possible scenario prior to any action on our part, but when it came right down to it there was no jealousy at all.

 

KL

[Chicup 42]

Sexual jealousy is not a rational beast. Its the beast inside.

 

Its based on a primal instinct to reproduce and protect your genetic legacy.

 

Men who guarded their wives and chased other men off had more kids that were really their kids. It has no place in rational thought these days with birth control being what it is but the legacy of that is still there.

 

Our rational minds allow us to overcome this but it can take effort. Really that for me is the best thing about swinging. I've never once, in our entire relationship questioned my wife's commitment to me. I never worried about her cheating, even in thought. Still though I had this primal desire to shield her from other males, which is normally called jealousy but really isn't a proper term for it.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

...I had this primal desire to shield her from other males, which is normally called jealousy but really isn't a proper term for it.

This is an important point, to differentiate between sexual jealousy and a man's natural inclination to protect his mate.

 

There have been a few times when I was warming up to a man and considering playing with him. However, when MrLM and I had a moment alone he would tell me he had a bad feeling about the guy and didn't want me to move forward with him. I trust my husband's instincts completely. I understood his protection mechanism was working and not jealousy creeping in.

 

Neither of us have ever felt a twinge of jealousy when swinging...and we are a very healthy couple.

 

LM

[JustMrsJ 15]

I got a bit of jealousy of my husband the very first time I went to a house party but I thought to myself. He is going home with me and now I am not jealous anymore.

[curiouscpl72 48]

I think its human nature,as it is nature to be non monogamous in so many of the critters that we share the earth with.As thinking reasoning beings, we have an inner critic, and inner judge as well, and a deep well of abiding peace that we so rarely tap.It is a matter of juggling these and finding a way not to hold those thoughts of jealousy, that come from insecurity which everyone experiences at different points in their lives.IMHO....

 

 

Patty

[NotSorry 155]

I think jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion to experience. I think focusing on how you deal with it is much more important than being worried that the feeling arose in the first place. Talk about it, find out what is at the root of it and find a way to alleviate it.

 

The exploration of why things have made me jealous in the past has been extremely freeing for me. Jealousy was a big, painful part of my life in past relationships. I am ecstatic that I don't have to feel that way anymore.

[ktimephoenix 156]

Mr P here... i get jealous almost every time Mrs P and i swap.

 

hows that for messed up?

 

it usually subsides and turns into arousal watching Mrs P being the naughty little nympho she is... but it's there from when we first swap till about 10 minutes into the swap.

[Rembrandt 15]

Perhaps I am a remarkably selfish person. I don't feel the green eyed monster. I don't mind what my wife does as long as some very pragmatic rules are followed. Those rules are:

1. Don't bring home something that doesn't wash off - in other words be safe

 

2. Don't place me in a situation that would cause problems - don't run off with aggressive men that will cause and issue that I will have to address. The world is crazy enough as it is without inviting violence.

 

3. Be discrete. We have to live and work in the world. Never in the vanilla public - right or wrong I have to do business with narrow minded people.

 

Rembrandt

[janaandjames 24]

My hubby felt jealous once when we were having a threesome. After we finished, i was laying in bed with the other gentleman, and we were just kissing. We kissed for a long time.

Later my husband told me he felt something there, something like jealousy, or discomfort that i was kissing someone for so long.

We talked about it and set up a new boundary, a limit on how much kissing we do with others, and it was fine.

But he didnt realize he would feel like that until it happened.

Something about intimacy of kissing.

Thats about all for us.

[VanHlebar 187]

I am not sure if it was jealousy or maybe it was more like what IvoryTowers describes, envy. When we first got started we met a great couple that where very experienced and they really helped us a ton over the course of about a year. We played with this couple a lot over that first year and there where difenately times when I would call a halt to play sessions because things where not "feeling" right.

 

Now usually this was because I was have my own issues with performance and as the other husband wasn't, Mrs Van would be having a grand ole time. So I would call stop/time out whatever and we would all stop and talk and sometimes things would return to playing and others we would call it a night. Now I never really thought Mrs Van was ever going to leave me for this guy, so I don't think I had an jealousy thoughts like that, but I might have.

 

Now I have definately had envy issues and usually in the size area. It took me a long time to realize that I have more to offer a playmate than size. I guess I would be considered average, but not based on most of our playmates. That said again, I never felt Mrs Van was leaving me for one of our better endowed playmates, but I know I had thoughts of "damn wouldn't it be nice to be him?" Then I am reminded, usually after the play session ended and Mrs Van and I are alone, why she is with me.

 

-Van

[Guest Trellken]

I personally think that all people are jealous to some extent or another. Like most things (sexual or otherwise) it's a spectrum of greys rather than being just black or white.

 

I think almost anyone on the board here would be upset and/or jealous of their partner told them they wanted to go away for a week or two weeks or a month with a playmate and leave them behind. On the other end of the spectrum, I sincerely doubt anyone here would be upset at hearing their wife say that they thought someone was cute. In between those two extremes there are a ton of different intervening points/situations that may or may not trigger a particular person's jealousy.

 

Each individual's shade of grey (i.e. - their jealousy threshold) is what determines that individuals boundaries and rules. What's important is for couples to understand what their partner's threshhold is and to respect it.

[Rock n Tits 188]

Before we’re in life style I was very jealous all the time stupid jealous. Then her best friend moved in with us between houses. I was in bed on a Friday night she and my wife crawled into bed with me and we had a very wierd 3 way. Then a month or so later she brought up the three way and said she liked it but wanted try it with a guy. I figured fair is fair so went out to dinner and dance and after a few drinks she was dancing with a guy who seemed nice enough. They danced and came back to table and she said let’s go to our place and have some drinks. He followed us to our house I made drinks and turned on some music to dance to. After they dance a few dances . He asked to use our bathroom and he was just gone when the wife told me he kept rubbing his cock against her pussy and it was huge!!!  I had seen her eating her best friends pussy but I had never seen her getting fucked by a huge dick!!  I made more drinks when they stopped dancing I suggested a dip in the hot tub. We all got naked and she was right it was a 10 inches!!! We took the drinks jumped in hot in the tub and Deb started rubbing his big cock. After about 25 mins we ended up in the spare bedroom and watch him slide hat monster into her beautiful pussy then her ass another first!! What a night!!!

[Numex 2,459]

2 hours ago, Rock n Tits said:

we ended up in the spare bedroom and watch him slide hat monster into her beautiful pussy then her ass another first!! What a night!!!

What happened between you and her afterwards?  To me that's the best part.  And did he cum in both holes or just finish in her ass?

Edited March 31 by Numex

[Rock n Tits 188]

Been married 50 years she likes all holes full or on her tits and face