What exactly is an aggressive male?

[NednWendy 15]

We are supposed to attend our first house party this weekend and something has been on my mind and wanted to get some information from those who would know. What exactly is an aggressive male and what is aggression?

 

I have read a lot of different forum posts and people are always afraid of aggressive males and I have read a lot of profiles that say they don't want any aggressive people after them and I am wondering just what exactly aggressive behavior is?

 

Ok so here's my real dilemma, I'm not shy and I am not afraid to say what I like and I am not afraid to approach people say what's on my mind, nor am I afraid to ask them what is on their mind. Am I one of these aggressive men that everyone is so afraid of?

 

I'm willing to take no for an answer and I won't hold any grudges or make any scenes but if there are some attractive ladies at the party this weekend they ARE going to be approached. I am definitely no ladies man and I have been happily married for over ten years and have not been in the dating scene for a long time but I learned in Jr high that the guys that opened their mouths and said what they thought were the ones that got the girls and the ones that stood along the walls were the ones that just watched.

 

Where is the line between being proactive and making things happen vs being aggressive?

[socolais 696]

I think an aggressive male is one who goes to the party expecting to be involved in sexual activity - the only question remaining is who gets to be the lucky babe. It's attitude as well as actions. The difference between a confident man and an aggressive asshole lies in the receptivity of the lady.

[IvoryTowers 380]

We haven't been to a house party yet, but we have had an encounter with a man we considered aggressive. Here's what happened:

 

We exchanged one or two e-mails with a couple on SLS and decided to move to a phone chat to verify our existence and plan a date/time to have a meet and greet. After we explained that for us the first meeting was just a "get to know you" event (i.e. that we don't play on the first date), he spent the entire conversation trying to pressure us into meeting up as soon as possible. In other words, he wanted to get the meet and greet out of the way so that we could move on to the "good stuff."

 

We hedged a bit and finally told him that the earliest we'd be able to meet would be the following weekend--we were very busy that week, etc. I also think we mentioned that we were going out to a meet and greet (it might have been a Friction party or some such) that night. The next day he called us again, under the pretext of asking us how the party had been, and tried to pressure us into getting together that day. We said we couldn't. He asked if we could get together Tuesday, or Thursday, or any time before the following weekend (which we had clearly said was the earliest we could get together). We politely declined and ended the conversation as soon as possible.

 

In his defense, he pretty much went away after that (although we think it took another SLS e-mail, this time to his wife, explaining the situation, to get him to back off completely). Still, his "communication" style is what we define as aggressive.

 

We understand that the main purpose of swinging, for a lot of people, is sex. Heck, it's pretty much our main purpose too. But if we say we're not available until "x" date, we mean it. Don't call us every day trying to push us into a meet-up we don't want. And if we tell you that we want to meet and get to know you a bit before playing with you, don't act as if meeting us is an obligation that needs to be dispensed with as quickly as possible so you can get what you really want.

 

Swingers can avoid misunderstandings like these by actually following the rule we've all read a million times: move at the speed of the slowest person in the group. Aggressive men are men who like to speed.

[iapr 24]

I think in many ways what one considers aggressive is based a lot on what their level of interest is to begin with. Say for instance some gal is really interested in a guy and does want to play with him. As long as he isn't actually demeaning or disrespectful he can say darn near anything and it won't be interpreted as aggressive.

 

If she has zero interest in him, anything beyond "hello" may be interpreted as aggressive, rude or intrusive.

 

Bottom line is watch for the signs, if someone is being receptive and positive in their responses to your approach you are ok. If someone is showing signs of defensiveness or is coming up with reasons and excuses not to go any further then stop and back off.

 

It's ok to be outgoing and it's ok to make the first moves but if it is not being met with some degree of positive feedback at any given stage then it is time to back off.

[MrkLin 393]

I think 'aggressive' can be pretty subjective. It's not like there's a cut and dried definition, because everyone sees it differently. To me, aggressive means actual determined pursuit of something - especially after someone has said 'no.' Being pushy, disrespectful, or not taking 'no' for an answer are the classic signs, but the signs can be more subtle if you keep your wits about you and watch what's going on. Iapr makes a good point in that it can be relative to your interest in someone as well.

 

The example Ivory Towers provided is a good one. The guy took a "maybe" situation and turned it into a "not just no, hell no" situation because he was pushy, and wouldn't respect their wishes. Being eager to meet someone is one thing - trying to push it (especially after you've been told when someone is available to meet) will more often than not get the door slammed in your face.

 

If you're concerned about being branded as 'aggressive,' then my advice is to be cordial, warm, polite, open, and respectful of other people's wishes. It is possible to be engaging and confident and not be seen as aggressive. Just be respectful and you'll do fine.

 

If you're worried about someone else being aggressive, it's something that may or may not happen no matter where you go. Watch for the signs and react accordingly. Be firm but polite. You always have the option of leaving if things feel funny or threatening in any way.

[pleasantinok 25]

We know a few couples that have physically aggressive males. They actually act like little boys trying to cop a feel. If we give them a hello or goodbye hug, then they are feeling for her tits or reaching up her skirt.

 

These guys usually aren't grabby right when you first meet them, but the more you talk to them, the more handsy they get.

 

I look at it more as a lack of class or control than as aggression, but I'm sure it could be unnerving to a newbie.

[NednWendy 15]

Well call it poetic justice if you will but we went to the party and I was anything BUT aggressive although I did learn first hand what aggressive really means and learned why it is so feared. I was afraid I would be the one that would overstep some bounds since I don't know all the ins and outs of swinging yet but as it worked out I was pretty much a church mouse and was on the receiving end of what I thought was an inappropriate advance. The real irony is it was an attractive single female that most guys probably would have given their left nut to be with but it was anything but erotic and sexy. So call it fate, call it karma or just call it live and learn but I know now what aggression is firsthand and I am not impressed with it.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

It's when the don't understand the word NO.

 

Also, when they touch uninvited. Anything unwanted or uninvited is too aggressive.

 

Since you were talking about males, don't forget about the aggressive female. They are out there too. Good and bad.

[NednWendy 15]

It's when the don't understand the word NO.

 

Also, when they touch uninvited. Anything unwanted or uninvited is too aggressive.

 

Since you were talking about males, don't forget about the aggressive female. They are out there too. Good and bad.

 

Trust me I will not forget about the aggressive female. Using your own words, not understanding the word no, touching uninvited and trying to force something unwanted is bad behavior regardless of gender.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

 

Since you were talking about males, don't forget about the aggressive female. They are out there too. Good and bad.

 

Yes, have seen plenty of aggressive females. Plenty of couples at the club where they only want girl/girl, and the female is aggressively pursuing other females and ignoring all the men that are attached to those females.

 

An aggressive male: True story this weekend. Emails with an attractive couple to possibly meet. 2nd email, share some pics. First question from him: "So, you girls wanna eat each other for a while?" Oh gee, in an email from someone I've never met, who I've seen blurry pics of, Yeah Baby, I'm really turned on now, can we meet in 5 minutes? NOT!

[creamylips 16]

Yes, aggressive is subjective- it all depends on if the female is receptive. If she is not, then he is called aggressive. I have never had an aggressive "asshole". But I have had aggressive, and I find it sexy myself. It all depends on the viewpoint of the lady, and what it is that she is looking for.

 

sometimes an aggressive male can just be a very horny male, that needs a little extra attention at first, before he mellows a bit. In other words, let him go at ya a bit, then after he gets off, he mellows and enjoys the groove of the evening with everyone else.

 

It really depends on the situation you are in. Seriously.

[Chicup 42]

Some day I will meet that attractive aggressive female that's NOT bi-furious at a party.

 

So far, not so much.

[quivers4me 49]

I'm a single bi-curious female and I get the whole aggressive issue. My profile clearly states that I need to get to know someone, chat a little online, have a phone call or two and then set up a M&G. My profile also states I won't meet married men cheating. (If the wife knows and approves fine)

 

I get so many emails asking to meet in an hour so we can fuck. I also get so many that state "I read your profile" when they are either married/cheating or want to meet right now! Did they really read the whole thing or did they never get past single female?

 

I don't respond to many of those and the ones I do respond to I turn down any further contact.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

The Happy Swinging book that I just got from Amazon has some interesting observations on aggressive men, including a definition that several people have already mentioned in this thread -- touching and grabbing without permission. What the author adds that I found interesting is that an aggressive man is very often acting out his frustration that his wife is getting lots of action at a party and he seems to be getting none. I know my gender. This seems to hit pretty close.

[magiriano 84]

Our profile reads that we're interested in couples only, however, Mrs. and I flirt with the MMF experience.

 

While on AFF we checked out the profiles of a few men one of which after accepting his friends network invite sent us 4 emails on a row before we got a chance to reply to his first asking to chat: subject line: "paging you" the email read: "Right now.Love to chat for a bit"...

 

Next email: "I see you online. would you like to chat in i/m for a bit? love to say hi. page me!"

 

WTF?

 

We have 3 little ones, 2 businesses to run, phones that ring, invoices to be mailed...

 

And yes, we check our naughty mail periodically so we will seem to be online.

 

So, we wrote and said that he's too persistent for our comfort and that he should read our profile again since we're not looking for a cuckolding experience. We don't want an aggressive male...

 

Two consecutive emails without an answer is pushing it but four?