Same Room or Separate Room?

[Ashley 22]

Just curious, those of you who do full swap....how many of you insist on same room? I'd make this one of those polls if I could figure out how....lol.

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by Ashley

Just curious, those of you who do full swap....how many of you insist on same room? I'd make this one of those polls if I could figure out how....lol.

We have done separate room swap two times with couples we knew well. Once was at a club and the other at a private residence. Neither situation worked out well for us, nor did we derive the pleasure that we get from being able to view each other in action... we learned our lesson....Same room only!!!

 

Lori

[Handyman69 15]

When we started this lifestyle we jumped right in with a full swap. We had decided on same room before hand, although we now do same bed also. As Rhonda is bi, it is much more fun to all be together for a lot of foreplay between the girls and although I am straight, I don't have a problem with us guys helping out the ladies.

[fun_pairTX 26]

We got into this together and we decided to stay together. We didn't enter in degrees we pretty much meet other full swap couples where the female is bi as well. Where nothing is left to the imagination, there can never be any doubt as to exactly what has taken place and or what was said. It is a wonderful way to avoid misunderstandings.

[smoothmoves 16]

We have tried both scenarios, and find that both are fun, depending on the situation.

 

We go to private parties with many other couples, where we all know and trust each other, and we find that trying to get together with another couple at the same time is very difficult and time consuming. We always keep an eye on each other to see how things are going. And I can always tell where Ms Smoothmoves is. She's very loudly multiorgasmic. I'd guess that everyone knows where she is most of the time.

 

At the other end of the spectrum, we also love quiet, intimate times with another couple. In that case, our greatest enjoyment is for all of us to be in the same bed. I get a lot of enjoyment watching her being pleasured, and she feels the same way about watching me. She also enjoys the ladies almost as much as I do, and I always want to have a front row seat for that show. WOW!

 

Like I said, both ways can be fun. It just depends on the situation.

[Gwendolyn 15]

We made only one rule when we got into this. It had to be something we did together. I think going to different rooms defeats that. Besides I like watching him play with other women.

[tinceltoes 15]

It all depends on the couple you are with. Hub and I will do both full swap in seperate rooms or in-room together.

[Alura 2,773]

We've done and enjoyed both. The lady of the last couple we played with always wanted separate rooms. To us, it was just more fun when we were all four in the same room.

 

The problem with separate rooms is that the play eventually gets routine. As Mrs. Alura put it, "Just like ol' married folks."

[ircouple4swing2 15]

We are sitting here just discussing this issue, because we are currently socializing with a couple that perfers seperate rooms.

Now we as a couple think that it's all good either way, however we both feel that it is very exciting to watch and hear each other pleasing and being pleased. We have found that those couples that have perfered seperate rooms do have isssues that they need to deal with between themselves, be it that one or the other cannot deal with watching the other or has not faced the issues of being completely loose with the other partner, ie. doing things that he/she cannot nor will not do at home with there own partner.

 

HELL IF YOUR GOING TO SHAKE OUT AS A COUPLE JUST BE READY FOR WHAT YOU ASK FOR, AND JUST DO IT TOGETHER, THIS IS A COUPLE ENHANCEMENT LIFESTYLE ISN'T IT???

[Vjklander 138]

We always play together if we are together. On some occasions one or the other will be out playing alone. But that's a different poll I think.

[velbuzz 17]

When we first started to swing, we realized that we wanted to watch the other in action. We were at one party that the room was not available to stay together, but usually we do. Now its a common understanding.

 

We once were almost ready to swing with another couple after letters, phone calls etc. We sat around and chatted a little and then the other woman said, well lets get started. Honey do you want the bed room or the fold out couch.

 

I had stood up when she said lets get started. When she said separate I sat down and we talked about out difference in philosophy. They were strictly separate. We strictly together.

 

And, unfortunately, we agreed to disagree.

Such is life

[wiscpl 22]

When we entered into this lifestyle we had decided that when we full swap it would be in the same room and same bed if it permitted. We fully enjoyed the thought of seeing each other with someone else.

 

We did have one experience with a couple where we ended up in separate rooms. Exactly how we ended up in separate rooms we weren't sure. Later on when we spoke to the couple they had agreed amongst themselves that they would stay in the same room when they full swapped. Neither of us were upset about what happened and when we met again we never left each others sight. Too many good thing were happening

[funfloridacpl 15]

Well I guess on this topic, we differ from the majority.

 

Our first couple of experiences were same room, and we did enjoy it. We had set a few boundaries ahead of time, but never felt it mattered to us same-different rooms. Mainly because we would never agree to sleep with any couple that we didn't feel comfortable with. We met a couple once that only enjoyed separate room fun. We talked and got to know them and decided "Why Not?" I guess that after that, we found out that we too liked separate room fun. I can't exactly say what makes it better for us, but we both love to come back together and share our experiences. However, if we meet a couple and they only play together in the same room, we would not try to push our way of thinking on them. We just enjoy the lifestyle and also respect the boundaries and choices that each couple sets for themselves.

[pairbond 19]

Ashley said:

Just curious, those of you who do full swap....how many of you insist on same room? I'd make this one of those polls if I could figure out how....lol.

 

Julie's post under the thread of "Faking Orgasms" brought this to mind. Her last sentence was that she cannot have an orgasm with an audience. That prompted me to search for a thread on same room vs separate room, and I found it!

 

First, let me hasten to say that we don't "insist" on separate room OR same room. We try to be flexible on this, up to a point.

 

Mrs. Pairbond is like Julie - she simply cannot come with an audience, unless the "audience" is a participant as in mfm. She says she really has to focus to come, and she finds the sounds and motions of another couple or couples in the same room just too distracting.

 

This makes for a conundrum when we click with a couple that wants to always be together in the same room. Since Mrs. Pairbond thoroughly enjoys sex even without orgasm, she is OK with doing same room sex, but not EVERY TIME we get together with that couple. We feel that fairness should dictate that a couple who prefers same room should be willing to compromise with us, alternating between same room and separate room on subsequent "dates."

 

However, we have had couples say "Absolutely no way! It's either same room or nothing." We object to that. That in effect is saying "We don't give a damn whether Mrs. Pairbond gets to have an orgasm or not. We want it OUR WAY EVERY TIME, and to Hell with her pleasure!" And a "my way or the highway" attitude will get you the highway every single time!

 

Now, 34 of 49 couples (69%) who answered the poll in this thread said "same room and together every time." That's stunning to us, who in 7 years of swinging have met only a minority of couples who insist on same room EVERY TIME. It seems awfully rigid to us, since our pleasure would be maximized by using SEPARATE ROOMS every time, but we are willing to compromise with same room couples by alternating, and they are not.

 

Almost every swinger we've met or chatted with claims that they try their best every time to really please their partner(s). That statement, however, seems totally incompatible with a rigidity about what room to use that would prevent Mrs. Pairbond, Julie, or other women like them from having orgasms.

 

The most common reason I've heard for insistence on "same room together" is safety issues. That really makes us wonder. If safety is an issue in your minds, why in Hell are you naked in bed with a couple you don't trust in the first place?

 

The 2nd most common reason we've heard is that couples like to see each other in action and like to "share the experience." But compromising by alternating same room & separate rooms on alternate occasions still allows that half the time, plus you can "share the experience" with each other later by telling each other about it after you get home in bed. That also usually stimulates a beneficial side effect!

 

My guess is that rigid same-room-together couples are usually rather inexperienced, and that experience produces a more relaxed attitude and greater flexibility. What do YOU think?

[OhioCouple 40]

In a sense, the poll does not give an 'extended' option. Rather than it not mattering if it is the same room or not, but matter how well you know those you are playing with and how much you trust them with your well-being. This makes it impossible to answer "Either way, it doesn't matter to me" as a sole choice.

 

We have played in separate rooms before with a couple that we thought we knew pretty well. The first time there were absolutely no problems and it was great fun. The second time did not turn out so well and in fact we removed ourselves from swinging altogether until I felt comfortable to return. We no longer see this couple due to the last experience. We have since played separate rooms, with no problem and have no qualms doing so, as long as we feel we know them very well. I think each experience is unique to those in participation, making it very difficult to say one way or the other...or not at all.

 

I do agree that inexperience may play a large factor as a comfort level needs to be reached. I didn't lay down with those I didn't feel I knew well enough as a single and I won't do it as a couple.

 

I do agree that if the partner(s) you have reached that comfort level with has a better time playing single, then by all means everyone should be accommodating and everyone should alternate the fantasies that benefit them most.

 

What I'm most curious about here... Do you discuss these issues (that are important to ya'll) up front prior to meeting a couple for play?

 

You say the following:

 

Quote

This makes for a conundrum when we click with a couple that wants to always be together in the same room. Since Mrs. Pairbond thoroughly enjoys sex even without orgasm, she is OK with doing same room sex, but not EVERY TIME we get together with that couple.

Quote

The most common reason I've heard for insistence on "same room together" is safety issues. That really makes us wonder. If safety is an issue in your minds, why in Hell are you naked in bed with a couple you don't trust in the first place?

 

Or do you leave the issue on the back burner until you have either gotten to know the couple better (and they you)? If you do make this a requirement prior to meeting can you really fault anyone that cites safety issues as a reason for not playing separately? In our particular situation...we thought we 'knew' these people and to be quite frank, I feared for my safety in the incident that caused us to retreat for a while. While it did not take away the possibility of playing separately, it sure gave me one hell of a lot of insight on what to look for in the future. If you do make this an important part of meeting new play partners, or make it known that it is an expectation, without doubt I can say we would not consider playing with you, no matter how nice you are or if we 'click'. Definitely a thanks, but no thanks would be given. In our opinion if safety is not a top priority with those we play with--be it condoms/BC or playing separately, then they just aren't our cup of tea anyway.

[pairbond 19]

OhioCouple said:

Do you discuss these issues (that are important to ya'll) up front prior to meeting a couple for play?

 

Or do you leave the issue on the back burner until you have either gotten to know the couple better (and they you)?

 

We clearly state in our profile on the sites where we have them that we prefer separate rooms but are willing to alternate same room and separate rooms with couples who have a same room preference. We don't bring it up again at the first meeting, but if we all click we will definitely bring it up at the next conversation, via phone or email. No matter how you slice it, we will NOT consider it fair if a couple is adamant about getting their "jollies" EVERY TIME but expects Mrs. Pairbond to NEVER get hers.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

Quote

We feel that fairness should dictate that a couple who prefers same room should be willing to compromise with us, alternating between same room and separate room on subsequent "dates."

 

First of all in answer to the topic of this thread we always do same room and for the reasons that a lot of you indicated, that we enjoy watching each other. It was a decision we made before we ever started and have not run into anyone who had a problem with it. Mr. Spoomonkey and I got into this for us not anyone else, and as much as we always strive to make it an enjoyable experience for all when we are with another couple or single we won't compromise what we have decided is best for us as a couple.

 

Bottom line is you meet with someone, see if there is a connection, get acquainted, see if your on the same page about everything and go from there. If any part of that isn't working then you move on. We don't ask people to compromise their rules or preferences to play with us and we don't expect them to ask us to.

 

We have some great friends that we connected with and have a friendship outside of the physical relationship but they don't kiss during play except each other and although we like the kissing we would never ask them to change that rule they have set for themselves.

[wrnakedru 38]

pairbond said:

... My guess is that rigid same-room-together couples are usually rather inexperienced, and that experience produces a more relaxed attitude and greater flexibility. What do YOU think? pairbond

 

I think that viewpoint sounds rather smugly superior.

 

Your reason for preferring separate rooms is quite valid considering that is the only way Mrs. pairbond can reach an orgasm. With that fact in mind, I think it is hugely diplomatic for her to agree to anything else since it diminishes the pleasure available for her.

 

My ex and I were in the lifestyle for eight years. He utilized the promises of "this will be something we are doing together" and "we'll always be where we can look into each other's eyes and touch one another" to reassure me and press me into agreement. I can count on less than one hand the number of times that was actually the case during those eight years. Hell, sometimes we weren't even in the same state.

 

To me, it seemed to be just a continuation of what he'd been doing all along anyway - having sex with other women. And as it had always been, there really wasn't any thought given to me [or "us"] as any portion of the activity. What we were doing, I now realize, wasn't what I believe swinging can and is meant to be. We were simply both having sex with other partners.

 

My present husband and I didn't even consider lifestyle activity for most of the time we have been married, although he from the first had remarked that he felt my experience in it could have been different with a different partner. When we did begin discussing the possible inclusion of the activity in our marriage, the "same room - separate room" issue was a total NON-issue as he couldn't imagine wanting it any other way, and I couldn't imagine considering it any other way.

 

We are not immature, inexperienced, unstable in our relationship, or uncomfortable with shared sexual pleasures. What we are is firmly bonded partners in this and every other activity we enjoy in our lives together. It is what we seek because it is what we want and to do otherwise is not a possibility we believe to be in our best interests as partners or individuals. The topic IS a deal breaker for us if that is not something others wish to do. A situation that allows for no other solution than to say "thanks, but no thanks."

 

If that "rigidity" causes you to label us as inexperienced, lacking in your preferred attitude, and incapable of "greater" flexibility - so be it. You have a right to pursue activity within your definitions of preference as do we.

 

But that doesn't make either of us "better" or "right".

[MrsBliss 18]

pairbond said:

My guess is that rigid same-room-together couples are usually rather inexperienced, and that experience produces a more relaxed attitude and greater flexibility. What do YOU think?

 

I totally disagree. I think swinging is about doing the thing you like. I would not be compromising on a basic rule like 'no separate rooms'. If I or my husband does not feel comfortable about something, it is just not going to happen. We are in for our fun. If our fun is also fun for another couple: then we will play. If not: we won't play.

 

I think there are enough couples who have the same view about separate or same room, so why swing with a couple that has a different opinion?

[Elusive BiFem 70]

pairbond said:

We clearly state in our profile on the sites where we have them that we prefer separate rooms but are willing to alternate same room and separate rooms with couples who have a same room preference. We don't bring it up again at the first meeting, but if we all click we will definitely bring it up at the next conversation, via phone or email. No matter how you slice it, we will NOT consider it fair if a couple is adamant about getting their "jollies" EVERY TIME but expects Mrs. Pairbond to NEVER get hers.

 

I'm not part of a couple, so I'm really going out on a limb here. However...from the tone of your posts on this topic, I have to agree with WR in that you are sounding "smugly superior." The thing that keeps going through my mind is what happened to the thing about "no means no?" OK, so fine...if you bring it up before the play starts - fine. But to not do so, then later expect this couple to separate into separate rooms and not consider it "fair" if they don't do so is pushing the limits, I believe. Mrs. Pairbond's "jollies" are her responsibility, not the responsibility of your play partners. Sorry, but that really is the truth for all of us. I can't expect others to accommodate me nor will I accommodate them. The point is, those that enjoy the same activities should play together and those that have differences in their preferences should find other partners.

 

I don't like and will not participate in any form of BDSM. If I happen to meet someone that does enjoy that, am I supposed to "accommodate" them in that activity on occasion because they have "lowered their standards" to play with me? I think not, but that is exactly how your words are coming across to me.

 

Quote

However, we have had couples say "Absolutely no way! It's either same room or nothing." We object to that. That in effect is saying "We don't give a damn whether Mrs. Pairbond gets to have an orgasm or not. We want it OUR WAY EVERY TIME, and to Hell with her pleasure!" And a "my way or the highway" attitude will get you the highway every single time!

 

If you want to object, that is certainly your prerogative, but to blame others for Mrs. PB's inability to enjoy herself in an environment they find comfortable and conducive to their sexual pleasure is a totally absurdity, IMO. With those sorts of statements, you are, in effect, saying that their pleasure is of no concern to you.

 

Quote

It seems awfully rigid to us, since our pleasure would be maximized by using SEPARATE ROOMS every time, but we are willing to compromise with same room couples by alternating, and they are not.

 

Sorry, I'm not in this for compromise. I'm in this for me. I would like to think that my partners derive pleasure and satisfaction, but again, that is their responsibility in the end. Not mine. If my ideas of pleasure are not equal to yours, I have every right to be as rigid as a 2 X 4 (and would probably be about as rigid at a 4 X 8). There is no rule that says that is compelled to play with another. I would highly recommend that you find partners - up front - who share your ideas of pleasure rather than attempting to bend others to your ideas. That is rigid.

 

You know, Pairbond, you are really coming across as a rather controlling and pompous person. I say that without having benefit of the typical stuff - body language, facial expressions, voice inflection, etc. However, I also say this based on the tail end of having read some of your others posts, and most especially, the recent one on posting photos. You mention others and their "my way or no way" attitudes, but isn't that what you are presenting here (and in that other posts?) You would be far better off by adopting the attitude of Mrs. Bliss when she stated,

 

Quote

I think there are enough couples who have the same view about separate or same room, so why swing with a couple that has a different opinion?

 

[GirlieZ 15]

pairbond said:

The 2nd most common reason we've heard is that couples like to see each other in action and like to "share the experience." But compromising by alternating same room & separate rooms on alternate occasions still allows that half the time, plus you can "share the experience" with each other later by telling each other about it after you get home in bed. That also usually stimulates a beneficial side effect!

 

My guess is that rigid same-room-together couples are usually rather inexperienced, and that experience produces a more relaxed attitude and greater flexibility. What do YOU think?

 

Just as you like to hear about it when you get home, My Man and I like to be there with each other, as it happens. We like to connect across the room...I love watching him with another woman and he loves watching me with whomever I am playing. No inexperience here and I imagine that many experienced people who are "same-room-together" would find your comment above very insulting.

 

Swinging is what you make it. Do what you like, do what feels good. I believe that couples do what is good for THEM not what is good for ANOTHER. If Mrs Pairbond is not able to achieve an orgasm w/a couple who is "same-room-together" then why do it? Everyone should be able to enjoy in a place where they are comfortable. Trying to force another into your way will only get you one thing....ALONE.

[CB_n_Red 16]

Okay, I'm going to pour a little oil on the waters here (in spite of the price).

 

I feel the issue is related to one I mentioned in a recent thread where I mused on the question of whose comfort zone do we go with in the event of any disagreement.

 

Okay, so the watchword generally is to stay within the comfort zone of the least comfortable person in the equation (if that makes sense). I think we are all agreed on that. The conflict arises when the comfort zones of two or more people are diametrically opposed. If everybody is determined to stay within their own comfort zones and yet there is no overlap between them, effectively the encounter is over before it starts, as nobody is comfortable enough for progress.

 

Yes, we are all in this for ourselves (and SO's where appropriate), though moderated of course by normal degrees of civility and politeness, so although we all feel that our own priorities come first, realistically there will always be a degree of compromise. It has to be up to each individual (and/or couple) to decide just just how far that compromise goes.

 

We all know we aren't going to hit it off (or get it on) with every potential playmate. It's all about deciding how much time and effort to invest in order to reach agreement or whether to cut losses and find more compatible playmates.

 

Hmmm. That was a bit rambling. Hope it made sense. Got to stop working with molten pewter - it's probably frying my brain

[Elusive BiFem 70]

I haven't a problem with anything you commented on, CB. All of us make choices for ourselves everyday, and all of us change our boundaries everyday - swinging or otherwise. That is life. However, I do have a problem with anyone wanting to challenge/chastise/denigrate/criticize, etc., etc., MY boundaries under the premise of fairness when in actuality, the only fairness they are seeking is their own self-gratification. Compromise is fine, as it is in many aspects of our lives, but none of us have the right to demand that others change and/or compromise their attitudes/opinions/boundaries or standards/values to accommodate ourselves, then cry foul when they won't succumb. Quite simply, if I am not the play partner one is seeking due to their own desires and/or needs, then they need to go elsewhere and find like-minded folks to play with. Just as I will do. But don't call me unfair because of it. Call me one with differing opinions, desires, standards, values, goals, opinions, attitudes. But not unfair. I only need to be fair to myself because in the end, I'm really the only one that counts. And the same holds true for couples. - EBF

[tazzie_n_truck 17]

With us, it don't matter, same room or seperate. Depends on the situation and who we are with, and what they are comfortable with.

 

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

Ok, I think I am the one that said something about people that dues separte rooms have issues. I was going to quote what I said, but I can't find it. I think it is in another thread, there are more than one going on about this topic. But why I was going to quote what I said was b/c I think it was taken the wrong way.

 

I was talking about couple that will not play in the same room have issues. I was refering to a couple that we had met online that WOULD NOT play in the same room. She said she could not enjoy herself with her husband in the room. Now that is what I fond a problem. They have issues. Why would you bother swinging as husband & wife if you NEVER played in the same room? So does that clear up what I said? I hope so.

[frenzb4sex 15]

Yes, I see that you were not making a generalization but an individual statement about someone you knew. Still, how do you know that they had issues? Just because they would NEVER swing in the same room? If it were up to me and my wife, we would do the same (no pun intended). Doesn't mean that we have "issues" per se, it's just that preference thing again. It's like I stated before, you can ask the question "Why would you as a husband & wife swing but NEVER play in the same room?" but it's impossible to explain unless you have been with the couple every step of the way.

 

We just enjoy things more from that stand point, and that's that. We have a very close and loving relationship, and I would never do anything to upset that balance. We communicate very openly about our likes and dislikes, and we have found our "happy median", and separate room is said median.

 

Now, if on the other hand you had learned of "issues" that had caused the reason why they HAD to have separate room because of their relationship with each other, I can understand the problem you have.

[Chemistry_0518 20]

We have done both and seriously prefer SAME ROOM/SAME BED. We got into this together because we enjoy each other so much that we wanted to share our joy of each other with like minded people. For us, at least, separate rooms defeats that purpose and reduces our pleasure.

 

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

So, frenzb4sex, you never play in the same room? You are right, I don't know if they have issues, I just assumed. We have talked to other couples that prefer playing in separte rooms, but only these ones that NEVER play in the same room. She said the reason was that she couldn't enjoy herself with her husband there. To me that is an issue. Like I said, why would you do it, if you couldn't enjoy yourself with your husband there? I guess they have there own reason. That is fine if you guys never play in the same room, I respect your decision, while I do not understand, I respect it.

[frenzb4sex 15]

No, HotCouple, we will play in the same room, but as I said, if we had the decision to make, we would choose separate room every time. That's a bit different than refusing to play in same room. We're flexible, we just always try to get with those that are flexible as well.

 

And it's fine that you don't understand it, I could state some things I don't understand about those that refuse to play in separate rooms EVER, but I can't possibly expect to agree or understand with their standpoint 100%, just because I know what our thoughts are on the subject, call it a predisposition if you will. But--we are cool and glad that there is such diversity out there!!!! That's what makes this lifestyle and board so great, we are able to share our thoughts and views to learn more!

[yngcacpl 15]

we have full swapped, and once both dh and I felt incredibly comfortable with the other cpl and played in different rooms. But the next cpl we played with we didn't leave each others side. We don't talk to that cpl anymore, I think our trust wasn't there and we aren't compatible with them if we can't feel safe.

 

 

Just my opinion, Jennifer

[Chemistry_0518 20]

Everyone has their own standards and preferences. That is what makes a diverse lifestyle so wonderful. There is someone for everyone. We have seen scenarios, though, where people's standards have been so high that they just couldn't find anyone they wanted. If this is what they are seeking, that's fine, but it will make things very hard. You must remember that a lot of people are still trying to find that 'perfect' couple. You must also remember, though, that the 'perfect' couple may be seeking something even more 'perfect' than themselves. If people were to set their standards to something more attainable to them, they may have more luck. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be super picky. Don't be offended if someone tells you politely that you're not their type. Remember, you have your standards and they have theirs. Superficial sometimes? Yes. This is everyone's right though. Just be persistent and open-minded, and you'll eventually find your perfect match!

 

Over time, your preferences and experiences will evolve. Many times, we notice that young people, or new people in the lifestyle go mainly by looks. There is nothing wrong with this at all, because it has a LOT to do with attraction. We have never been guilty of searching for Ken and Barbie. As we gained more experience in the lifestyle, we learned quickly that looks don't always equate to substance, nor does it ensure a good time for all. We wanted more than just a one night stand, as this just wasn't our prerogative.

 

You'll find that certain personalities become a turn-off to you, no matter how beautiful the person is, and certain personalities become an aphrodisiac, even if the initial attraction was not present. Our preference now is to not only find attraction, but to find personality, wit and humor, something that we seem to be able to ensure during the first social meeting. Impossible? Of course not! We have met a lot of really fantastic people with all of these qualities. No, it's not easy, but that's what patience has taught us. We just aren't into the beautiful people who are ugly inside, and have found some of the most awesome people just by chatting and being friends first. This is only our preference though, and how we have evolved in the lifestyle. Our rules for swinging have of course evolved slightly with time as well and the evolution would have been greater if we had not put considerable thought into our preferences and limits. You'll find this to be true the longer you participate in the lifestyle.

 

The lifestyle can lead to inevitable battles with jealousy, insecurity, uncertainty, and different fears. People will have different views and limits that you have, so be prepared for it! The important thing is to be up front and honest about your limits as well as being aware of the comfort levels and limits of others. This includes being well aware of the comfort level and limits of your partner!

 

If you find that attractions aren't mutual, remain polite, as this is surely how you would want to be treated. When meeting any potential swing partner you should always be polite, even if you don't think the encounter will lead to intimacy. You should strive to keep an open mind! When contacting an 'interest' through a site such as this, it is also very important to remember your manners. Remember, first impressions are lasting, and you never get a second chance to make a first impression!

 

Generally, it is best to fill out your profile in full, stating what you are and are not seeking, making it as specific as possible. This will help to eliminate unwanted matches. When you do make the first step, be very open, inviting, and polite. Many a time have we received rude letters from couples and singles, and it was an instant turn-off. Even if someone is rude to you, try not to return the rudeness, because it only brings you down to their level. Chalk it up as ignorance, and report serious problems to the webmaster. Remember, swinging is similar to dating, just increase the intricacies three and four-fold! You're there to win affection and to make a good impression and so are they.

soapbox

[lauriern 16]

Like a lot of couples we started out with the idea that same room was the only way to go. As time goes by you realize, separate rooms can add it's on special flavor. Its a turn knowing my husband is comfortable with me sometimes exploring my sexuality in private. I've found some men away from their wives view to reveal a completely different character.

[DBL D 120]

So far, We have had sex in the same room-either with ourselves or with others or both! Different beds were always started on but not always ended on. We had a couple that I think said "NO" to us because I told her that I wanted her attention when we were together; at least to start with. (Fem D had an occasion where the guy was just TOO interested in what I and his Mrs. were doing). The only time we aren't in the same room was when we would take a shower with the other spouse afterward.

 

No secret messages were passed.

 

We just washed each other off. It was great. Sexual things did happen but not because of the fact that we were "alone". Everyone trusted each other.

 

That some have issues and that's why they want separate rooms is a totally different situation in my opinion.

[4lifesaparty 15]

We only do separate rooms with one couple we play with and it is only because we both are comfortable with them. We have of course done separate rooms at house parties, but that is only cause of the layout of the place. Too many couples in one area doesn't work that well. But we prefer to swap in the same room most times.

[EvilMJ 65]

we do the same room as the one time we tried separate rooms it made the other husband too uncomfortable. He just could not perform hearing his wife in the other room, and not see what was going on. It was okay with us and we always have fun in the same room. Plus I think it's a turn on seeing my husband with another woman.

[EUcpl 21]

The first intercourses we do in seperated rooms because I like it very hard and deep and my hubby and my girlfriend like the slow way. The third and sometimes the fourth intercourses we have together in our bed. Sowe like it!

 

Maggie

[mustang3 15]

I agree with Lynn3 & Brit Pair. NEVER SEPERATE ROOMS. I love seeing him with another woman. It's an enormous turn-on. Even if it's only "soft" swing it's great.

[lonesomedove341 15]

No that is one rule between us. It must be same room...Have talked about seperate rooms and hubby and I both agree that it isnt for us.

[MrsPlaytime 17]

Alot of it depends on the couple and the layout of the place. We have enjoyed it both ways.

[nicecpl89511 15]

We prefer same room swap. Much of our enjoyment is seeing each other being pleased by others.

 

Wanda

[jennandjamesinm 87]

Being in the same room is one of our major rules...for pleasure reasons, but also our safety...

 

Jenn

[mia-honeygirl 15]

Speaking as a couple, we have never actually tried swinging or partner swapping yet, but are looking forward to finding a couple we both really like soon so we can enjoy the experience. We have discussed separate rooms or same room, and we have decided that on the first swing we would use separate rooms for the following reasons: Myself (Mia) I don't have a lot of experience (only slept with 2 guys ever) would feel embarrassed in front of my husband Marc on the first swap. I think we would set some rules (e.g. no anal) and then spend some time with the other couple first really enjoying each others company and having some fun. I think I would be ok kissing and being close and flirting in a foursome once I had relaxed, and possible removed a little more clothing, I think Marc would enjoy seeing this as well, then I think we would be ready to go to other rooms.

 

I like the idea of a new experience with a guy in a safe environment like this, and am turned on by Marc having sex in the next room, I guess I am also interested in what a new guy can do to please me, although Marc is excellent in this department. So you see I am a little hesitant and maybe a bit shy, but would love to spend the night cuddling up to Marc afterwards and talking in great detail about what we did with out new partners! Maybe in the future we could enjoy sharing in the same room and seeing each other although I think Marc would be too distracted looking at me!

 

Mia

[SparklyGrl 15]

We are fairly new to the lifestyle, but so far have only done same room, and chances are great that is all we will do. The idea of sep rooms is crazy for us since a big part of the turn on is seeing SO with another person.

[Jamie&Kieth 36]

Brand new to this board ... always same room ... makes groups sex so exciting

[mia-honeygirl 15]

Hi again

 

Well I tried it and it was fun!!

Our first swap with a couple that we have gotten to know really well for the last 3 years.

 

We talked about the rules and we agreed that we would all prefer separate rooms for our first time, I was very nervous and it took a couple of drinks to help me relax. After an evening of really good company and a little sexy fun, we decided to pair off, I caught the glint in Marc's eyes as he went into one of the bedrooms as he smiled at me. I had a really good time time with my new swap lover, and we have since agreed to continue swapping with them. I was very unsure about being away from Marc, but this guy was really hot, and anyway I wanted a little time with him myself, I was hoping to learn some new tricks!

 

We fucked for ages and I let him cum inside me twice because we knew this couple really well and trusted them, and about 2am, he left and joined his wife in the other room sending Marc back to me. We didn't speak, just made the most fantastic love we have had in ages. Marc absolutely loved the other guys cum inside me and we made it so much fun spreading it on my breasts and lips. I think we might continue different rooms the next time as its so much fun telling Marc all the things I did with this other guy, and he has to use his imagination. I think we will be in the same room soon...but for now....

[sweetdelite 15]

We have at times tried both same and separate room. Alot depends on the couple, and how we feel at the time.

[Jamie&Kieth 36]

Always same room/bed swap. For us (group we swing with) it is the togetherness and the fun of group sex. Yes, there is a little bit of voyerism in us all as husband & I both enjoy watching each other having sex. To us it is all about sex which has and probably will always be fun & exciting when we have our get togethers.

 

I really can not imagine swaping partners and going into separate rooms ... boring!

[cpl_n_ok 15]

We mainly do same room....but we have done separate...and it can be very hot....on the condition I can still hear...LOL....we enjoy watching each other ...but there is something about the other one in the other room....moaning....being loud....wondering what is going on....gets the imagination going....that really turns us on as well

 

so as far as we are concerned....it's all good.

[michelle101 15]

Mr 101 , We have no had the pleasure of the swap. But I can honestly that I wouldnt want to miss one second of the action. The sites the sounds the smells, movments . Besides I could very well pick up some new moves(Always good to learn U know) :rollseyes So it would have to be same room.

[ff38dd 15]

We have only been in the lifestyle for 14 months. When we first started we preferred separate rooms. It was mostly Kathy's preference. I like separate rooms to give my complete, undivided attention to the woman before me.

 

Lately , more and more of our swapping has been in the same room. Or at least they have started in the same room and then later all joining together. All joining together can be fun too, with one taking a break to give the other 3 a FMf or MFM. Or one will step out to take a few pics.

So for us, in the beginning we had a hard and fast rule, "Separate Rooms Only" but thru experience we have grown to be more flexible. It's all good. Too many rules can keep you from some wonderful couples and wonderful experiences.