Define "slut"?

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

In our swinging evolution, one of my wife's concerns has been viewing herself as a slut. She doesn't want to feel that way, and certainly doesn't want me to think of her in that way. For the record; I don't, and wouldn't.

 

Assuming we refer to "slut" as a derogatory term, when does a person cross the line into being a slut?

 

Some years ago, I was in a vanilla nightclub with a few friends. Lots of dancing, drinking, good times, etc. We all noticed a somewhat attractive woman come in and over the next hour or so she went from guy to guy. She wouldn't spend much time on any one guy. It was pretty obvious to all of us that she was dick shopping, and was leaving with SOMEone, just a matter of which one said yes (verbally or otherwise). To me, she was a slut. Indiscriminate. Didn't care who, just when. Comported herself as anything but a lady.

 

My wife is a lady, through and through. Yes, she gets to have sex with other men. But, she's not indiscriminate about it, and wants to be attracted to the person attached to the penis far more than the other way around. To me, she is a fulfilled, empowered woman realizing her sexual dreams and fantasies.

 

Of the many women I've met in the lifestyle, of the ones I'd call true swingers I wouldn't have thought to consider any of them sluts.

 

But how do you define "slut"?

[The Fuse 1,012]

I just called myself a slut in another thread. I had mixed feelings about it but didn't put in the effort to clarify or change.

 

"Slut" is a slippery term (ha ha) to me. It's one of those things I don't mind calling myself or having someone call me if I feel like they are just making fun of my boy-crazy nature. I love men, but am certainly picky about who I play with. If someone who knows me pretty well calls me a slut with a big smile on their face after I make a comment about liking something or someone, or after I do something, then it is funny. But yes, it can be very derogatory as well when used to describe a woman who is indiscriminate and basically just available.

 

Another distinction is whether the woman's partners respect her. If they don't, and she is with them anyway, then she is a slut-in-a-bad-way.

 

So I'm a bit wishy-washy about it. It's not a nice word IMO, but it doesn't cross the line like "whore" or "cunt". Of course the problem is you never know what will offend one person that would just be laughed off by another. It's hard to know what you can and can't say. Some other woman might feel the same way about "slut" as I do about the other two words.

 

Funny... I get offended (though in a different way) if someone calls me "the wife". Mr. Fuse knows he's never to do that. I know a lot of people do, but it just rubs me the wrong way... like referring to an appliance or a pet or something. It just seems like "the wife" is an interchangeable non-person. Just another way you can't really know what will annoy someone.

[sexylady1970 69]

Sometimes we use that term but in a playful way. The girl you saw at the club probably was a "slut" but not necessarily a lifestyle girl. Terms such as "slut" when used in a lifestyle connotation can be arousing, and in fact sexy.

 

While your wife is discriminate in who she chooses to share herself with, which is a good thing, using the term "slut" etc during the course of the evening can add to the sexual arousal particularly if SHE uses the term to her new play partner. For example..."I am going to be your slut for the evening".

 

While she is not a "slut" per se, you and her might find that downright sexy.

[VanHlebar 187]

For us it depends on how the term is used. When we are among lifestyle friends it is not uncommon for one of us to refer to MrsVan or one of the wives as a "slut", but in this case it is clearly meant as a good thing and meant as a joke.

 

Using it with our vanilla friends would have the opposite intent and therefore we would not really use that term unless we where looking at a woman that we really felt was someone who was putting herself in a bad situation.

 

Funny... I get offended (though in a different way) if someone calls me "the wife".

 

Now see this is one that might have gotten me in trouble and I would have never known it. I refer to my son a lot as "The Boy" (he is our only son) and I will also refer to MrsVan on occasion as "The Wife". Once in awhile I also have been known to say to a husband while just talking crap and refer to his wife as "The Wife". It is interesting what things just might set off friends but you never would know.

[realcplub2 513]

bbarnsworth said:

My wife is a lady, through and through. Yes, she gets to have sex with other men. But, she's not indiscriminate about it, and wants to be attracted to the person attached to the penis far more than the other way around. To me, she is a fulfilled, empowered woman realizing her sexual dreams and fantasies.

 

Of the many women I've met in the lifestyle, of the ones I'd call true swingers I wouldn't have thought to consider any of them sluts.

 

But how do you define "slut"??

 

Excellent definition of the differences..

 

However how about a change in how we use it within the lifestyle something like this:

 

S - Sexy

L - Ladies

U - Using

T - Talents &

S - Skills to enjoy LIFE

 

Now honestly, doesn't that definition fit better?

 

Look, it is like this, the labels we hang on ourselves versus the ones other people put on us are the hardest to overcome.

 

Why? Because from early on we were taught "stick and stone" right? But when it is coming from INSIDE rather than out, turning that phrase becomes that much more difficult.

 

If a PERSON, male or female, is indiscriminate in their sex partners, If they are looking for "something reasonably warm, with a heartbeat" they have already lost, because they have reduced the joy of the act to simply self pleasure from the act... not sharing the joy with those they are engaged in.

 

Does that make sense?

 

The greatest pleasure we, personally, get from sharing ourselves with those we play with isn't just getting off, but GETTING THEM OFF.

[The Fuse 1,012]

VanHlebar said:

Now see this is one that might have gotten me in trouble and I would have never known it. I refer to my son a lot as "The Boy" (he is our only son) and I will also refer to MrsVan on occasion as "The Wife". Once in awhile I also have been known to say to a husband while just talking crap and refer to his wife as "The Wife". It is interesting what things just might set off friends but you never would know.

 

You would never have gotten in trouble with me :-). When other people have called me "the wife", I've just smiled and asked them to please humour me and not do so. It's such a common thing it would be unreasonable for me to get my back up over it.

 

OP: Sorry for the thread jack!

[CXXC 435]

Mrs. CXXC is one of the S.L.U.T.S. - Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress

 

They even have pink T-shirts and wear them out to public functions. Let me tell you, If they can get away with that in Savannah, It will be accepted Anywhere. This is the old south. They still have strange views on things.

 

Regarding the Lifestyle, No woman who calls herself a slut should be thought of as using a poor label. No man, unfamiliar with that woman should use such a label without permission.

 

Verbal liberties are much the same as physical ones.

[good times 991]

Funny, I thought the term "slut" ceased to be a bad thing as soon as one graduated from high school.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I have to say that I have always viewed women who others referred to as sluts as women who were more comfortable with themselves and what they wanted to do in life than the average woman. So, I have never seen the term slut as a bad thing.

 

In fact, I probably would have done my best to be the guy that left with that girl at the bar in your example. I prefer a slut over a prude any day.

[djjwp 129]

A woman mature enough to know what she wants and to go after it and get it. One who is confident with herself and makes no apologies for enjoying her life.

[dodgechevy 149]

Aargh, people not wanting to label themselves always annoyed me. It is just a word. A slut can mean any of several things and they are all right... or wrong.

 

And really, if someone is indiscriminate about who they have sex with who cares. Doesn't really make you a better person or them worse.

 

Remember a rose by any other name... still has sex with strangers :-)

[WesternSwing 504]

Isn't it curious that "slut" and "whore" are terms usually only applied to women?

 

To me there is not such thing as a slut or whore. There is only a sexual woman. Just like there are sexual men.

 

The double standard is something that troubles me greatly.

[realcplub2 513]

Mrs. CXXC is one of the S.L.U.T.S.

Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress

They even have pink T-shirts and wear them out to public functions.

 

Damn Start the franchise!! yours is even better than mine!!

[Additude 457]

I've never considered the term "Slut" as a bad thing....unless someone said it about my Mom

 

Here is good and interesting reading on the term:

Slut - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia