At least we're not giving up yet...

[Guest warrencouple]

As many of you who have followed the threads we've started know, myself and the Mrs have had a rather slow, sometimes rocky, start to swinging.

 

Well, we've not thrown in the towel, yet.

 

We're registered (again) to go to our local on-premise, and join up. The Mrs and I discussed it, she was debating between the "Get Lei'd" night, or the "Hedo Kama Sutra" parties. I suggested that, as she is not yet comfortable wearing bikinis, the Hedo might work better, as we can simply go nicely dressed, and be done with it. So, we're doing that.

 

Of course, I also hope that we end up being the winners of the 3 night trip to Hedonism II, even if the Mrs decides to stay on the Prude side, it would be:

A. A free vacation to Jamaica (may need to spring for airfare, but still)

B. A free vacation to Hedonism

 

As for our "plans" at the club, we're going to only be with each other, and meet people, try to come out of our shells. We may (probably will, we've both been getting turned on thinking about using the play areas, and being "watched") go up to the play areas, to be with each other. We may not play, we may just voyeur, quietly. We may go use the (repaired) hot tub. We may dance with each other, or just watch others dance.

 

Got a list together, of a "play bag" to pack for us, as well as what I'm going to wear. The Mrs will probably wear one of her 2 club tops, and nice jeans, as well as pack some play wear.

 

I'm even making plans for us when we come home, just ordered some satin sheets, put those on the bed before we leave, get some candles set up, a nice CD ready to go when we get home.

 

We figure, we'll go, and see what kind of time we have. If it's a good time, then we look at going to more events.

 

We've both agreed, if we are uncomfortable with playing in "public" as it were, there's always the private room.

 

The (somewhat) amusing part, is, for me at least, that if we stay the entire time (until 2am), we'll actually be there for my b-day...

 

Jason

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

We figure, we'll go, and see what kind of time we have. If it's a good time, then we look at going to more events.

 

Everything sounds great but this part.

 

To me, this sounds like you're putting all your eggs in this one basket; if you don't have a good time, you won't be going to more events.

 

 

Clubs are not all the same, and even event to event they can be quite different. Don't judge everything by this one event, and certainly do NOT go in with any expectations except hoping to have an enjoyable evening, regardless of what you do.

 

Also, as you know don't pressure...but also don't be afraid to suggest things within previously agreed limits. That's good advice to both of you. One or the other of you might be having a bit of vocal chord stage fright lock up and not want to suggest doing something, and the other prompting it might be just the nudge needed....so long as it's not pressuring.

[Guest warrencouple]

bbarnsworth said:

Everything sounds great but this part.

 

To me, this sounds like you're putting all your eggs in this one basket; if you don't have a good time, you won't be going to more events.

 

 

Clubs are not all the same, and even event to event they can be quite different. Don't judge everything by this one event, and certainly do NOT go in with any expectations except hoping to have an enjoyable evening, regardless of what you do.

 

Also, as you know don't pressure...but also don't be afraid to suggest things within previously agreed limits. That's good advice to both of you. One or the other of you might be having a bit of vocal chord stage fright lock up and not want to suggest doing something, and the other prompting it might be just the nudge needed....so long as it's not pressuring.

 

I don't know that we'd give up completely, I guess it depends on what happens to cause a poor time. I think, in my case, it would be one of those situations that, based on other discussion, almost never happens, we are made to feel uncomfortable, pressured, or outcasts (due to not swapping.) I've brought up the "don't swap" topic elsewhere, and the consensus was that as long as we are up front about our limits, people will respect that. So, truth be told, I think we're going to enjoy ourselves, and am going with that mindset, that I / we are going to have fun, regardless.

 

Yeah, our "limits" pretty much boil down to only each other, so I don't think I'd need to "pressure" the Mrs into much of anything. About the only things I think one or both of us might be a bit uncomfortable with, although we've talked about it, and the thought gets us horny, would be using either the St Andrews Cross, or her the Sybian. Although, if we overcome our stage fright and use the semi-private / public area, I suspect the Sybian wouldn't take much "pressure" to get the Mrs on it...

 

Now, getting the Mrs into the hot tub nude, that might require some pressure, although, I might chicken out on that too. Of course, it could be they do require a suit in the hot tub, we'll find out. That's why I've got swimsuits on the list of "play bag" clothes...

Hmm, I could finally possibly wear the men's g-string swimsuit I bought to wear around the house sometimes...

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

So when is the big date?

[Guest warrencouple]

April 25th.

 

Right now, to an extent, me more so than her, it's butterfly season! But these are no ordinary butterflies, they're hideous monsters with teeth and claws that'll rend you up like chopped liver!

 

Yeah, I'm nervous, a bit scared, and excited, all at once, especially when I stop and think about it. I tend to be one of those people, when I'm not doing anything that requires conscious thought, my mind wanders, and right now, it tends to wander towards next weekend.

 

The Mrs, on the other hand, isn't like that, and hasn't really been thinking about it. But, today, she did, and confided on the way home, that she's rather nervous / scared as well.

 

I don't think we're going to back out, as I told her, we won't know if we like it or not unless we go (she originally said that when she decided we'd be going) I think part of it, for both of us, is, as I think I've said elsewhere, this is a good ways outside our normal comfort zone. I suspect, if we were looking to go to a vanilla nightclub, we'd be having pretty much the same butterflies, maybe a bit less, as we'd not be considering having sex around / in view of other people. And, yes, we are both looking forward to using the play area, even if it just ends up being the private room, so that she can really cut loose when she's cumming (she can get quite, vociferous...)

 

One of the things, that has me somewhat nervous, is the club has a new dress code. After 11pm, either evening wear, or playwear, men and women. What exactly will constitute "playwear" or "evening wear?" I'm thinking, for the guys, playwear would be something like nice boxers (just got myself a pair of black silk ones), or satin lounge pants, or perhaps boxer briefs. For the women, playwear is easy.

 

Ought to be an interesting weekend for us.

We'll either chicken out (I hope not), enjoy ourselves enough to look at going again at some point (I hope this will be the case), decide this isn't for us, or turn into the "enthusiastic newbies" who try to go every weekend (which the bank balance will put a stop to)

[NCfuncouple98 367]

warrencouple said:

One of the things, that has me somewhat nervous, is the club has a new dress code. After 11pm, either evening wear, or playwear, men and women. What exactly will constitute "playwear" or "evening wear?" I'm thinking, for the guys, playwear would be something like nice boxers (just got myself a pair of black silk ones), or satin lounge pants, or perhaps boxer briefs. For the women, playwear is easy.

 

I would call and find out. Our favorite club only has an after 11pm dress code for the upstairs area, and the rule is "No Street Wear" - and their website designates this as sexy lingerie, towels, or nothing at all. However the main bar areas and dance floors are not included in this.

[Guest warrencouple]

NCfuncouple98 said:

I would call and find out. Our favorite club only has an after 11pm dress code for the upstairs area, and the rule is "No Street Wear" - and their website designates this as sexy lingerie, towels, or nothing at all. However the main bar areas and dance floors are not included in this.

 

I actually just e-mailed them. The rule for the upstairs play area is "no street clothes" at all times (although presumably during the tour, it's OK) From the sound of it in the e-mail newsletter, it seems the dress code applies to all the main areas of the club.

 

I think if I don't get a reply by Thursday or Friday, I'll call.

[Speed & Trixie 163]

I'm so excited for you two!

 

I think we all tend to do the same thing when we're anticipating a new experience -- our minds go crazy thinking about "what if ...(fill in the blank 1,000 times over)." Speed and I definately did that before we went to the club for the first time! The hardest thing for us is to say to ourselves "hey relax! We're totally fine!"

 

You definately have the right attitude: go to have fun with each other, be upfront and honest with others, and don't expect anything else. Naked hot tub? Meh, whether you do it or not, it won't be your last opportunity to try it. I love your "we'll see how it goes" approach to the vacation. Have fun together, because that's all that matters. You'll probably meet some very nice people, and you'll FOR SURE have some great sex (with each other). Sounds like a great time to me! Please come back and tell us about it.

 

Happy and safe travels,

Trixie

 

PS Now, about this "g-string" bathing suit of yours....

[Guest warrencouple]

Trixie

 

PS Now, about this "g-string" bathing suit of yours....

 

Mmmm, Trixie and the Mrs in bikini wrestling match over me!

:D:D

 

Jason

[Guest warrencouple]

OK, serious question here.

 

If you are at a club (on-premise) and need to go from the lockers to the play area, where they do not permit "street" clothes, you need to either be towel wrapped, or play clothes, what do you put on your feet?

 

Bare feet?

Flip flops (so gauche)?

Swim shoes?

The shoes you wore in?

Socks only (could be dangerous on tile / hardwood floors)?

Let your Mrs / playmate carry you to the play area (could be tough if she's in heels)?

 

Just trying to decide if I should pick up a pair of "pool slides" for getting to and from the hot tub / play area on Saturday...

 

Thanks,

Jason

(didn't feel this was quite deserving of another thread...)

[slevin 1,374]

At the club we have been to people do a mixture of things: flip flops/sandals, socks, shoes, barefoot. I've always gone barefoot and Katrina has always worn her heels. Socks is just gross

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

If you are at a club (on-premise) and need to go from the lockers to the play area, where they do not permit "street" clothes, you need to either be towel wrapped, or play clothes, what do you put on your feet?

Never had to fact the towel question as none of the clubs around here seem to have any prohibition regarding street cloths. But the bare feet thing has come into my mind as a question. My mind sees a bare or carpeted floor of a club as a field of germs. Besides, during the winter a floor is cold. So I bring my Keens (sandals).

[Guest warrencouple]

So, I said the heck with it, and the Mrs OKed, and picked up a pair of pool slides yesterday.

 

We figure I can use them Saturday, and when we go to the gym / pool, or go camping (state park shower floors = ICK)

 

I figure, take them along, and if I don't use them, they aren't that much extra anyways.

[almostnewbies 18]

Everything sounds great but this part.

 

To me, this sounds like you're putting all your eggs in this one basket; if you don't have a good time, you won't be going to more events.

 

 

Clubs are not all the same, and even event to event they can be quite different. Don't judge everything by this one event, and certainly do NOT go in with any expectations except hoping to have an enjoyable evening, regardless of what you do. ....

 

Excellent advice bbarnsworth. We like going to different clubs in the area and have found entirely different atmosphere's. Not only because of the particular event going on but also just the crowd in attendance. At this one club we particularly like to go to the crowd is different from a Friday night to a Saturday night. So, give the clubs in your area a chance. Visit them on more than one occasion. Go without expectations of playing with anyone but each other to ease yourselves into the club scene.

 

We've also found that going to a club to meet couples we've chatted online with or met at Meet & Greets is fun too. Even though we'd chatted or met these couples before, no pressure for play was expected although we did end up playing with one of those couples. It was just nice to know some people when we went to the club.

 

Hope you have a great time! Let us know how it goes too!

[Guest warrencouple]

Talking with the Mrs on the way home tonight, I mentioned I had called the club on lunch, and left a message on their voice mail with our question about "evening wear" and "play wear". We then had a discussion, after I asked if she was looking forward to going, where she commented that she's feeling kind of "ambivalent" about it. She's partly thinking, that, as we don't intend to, and she doesn't want to, play with others, what's the point? I told her (and not in anger / frustration / irritation / annoyance, but really meaning it) that if she wants to not go, and put a stop to the whole idea, to say so, and I / we would.

 

She has commented she does get some excited from the thought of being overheard / seen while having sex (with me)

 

Once we got home, I suggested to her, that we simply go Saturday, and see what happens from there. She agreed, so we'll see what happens.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Keep us posted It's interesting to follow along.

 

An early discussion with my wife and I about swinging centered around "what if I feel ambivalent about it?" We decided that if we don't have negative experiences, just ambivalent ones, at least we're doing something different, which is usually a good thing. We also decided that if it kept on being ambivalent, and having sex with other people really didn't do anything for us, we'd give it up. But, we also knew that first time experiences are often not the best, and we needed to give it time before we could really understand if it was right for us or not.

 

I'd say go, see the club, get comfortable, and if the mood strikes you have sex with your wife with others being able to watch. There's really nothing to lose.

[Guest warrencouple]

Well, a couple things happened regarding our upcoming outing today.

 

First, I gave the club a call after work, and was (pleasantly) surprised to get a person instead of the voice mail. So, found out about the "evening / play wear" after 11. Turns out, it's optional. The only non optional is play wear or less in the play areas upstairs. Two reasons for this were given, and I agree with both:

1. Having fully clothed people wandering around could cause some people to feel uncomfortable

2. Helps to prevent the possibility of someone sneaking in a camera (of any sort) The guy who I was speaking with, said this is actually the smaller of the two reasons.

 

Second, and this actually went over well with the Mrs, he remembers us from our other two visits, and after I said that yes, the Mrs has some lingerie to wear, that she was sexy. I told her this, her first (instinctual) response was that he must have us mixed up with another couple. This resulted in me giving her a talking too (not a bad one) telling her that when she feels she is sexy, it shows. She later admitted that it did make her feel good that he said this. I told her that I was glad it made her feel good, I want her to be happy, and feel good about herself.

 

As for why it was, I think, an "instinctual" response, we're both rather low on the self-esteem totem pole. We both need to get in shape, and I at least, was one of the picked on "geeks" in high school.

 

So, we're both, I think, looking more forward to this, I think we're going to have a grand time. Seeing as it's a Hedonism vacation group kickoff party to boot, and they've got someone from Hedo II there, and are planning games, we've decide to (try) to participate in the games. I wonder if they'll do the "women find your mate blindfolded" game? The women have to find their mate in a line-up of men, while blindfolded, by touch. I wonder if the Mrs will be willing to try this game?

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

You never know what might happen once people get in the groove. Make sure you know and agree on limits and you both play within them. Early on, my wife wasn't too sure about certain things, but she also knew that if she went a lot further she could without worrying about breaking rules. Now there's a lot less rules

[Guest warrencouple]

bbarnsworth said:

You never know what might happen once people get in the groove. Make sure you know and agree on limits and you both play within them. Early on, my wife wasn't too sure about certain things, but she also knew that if she went a lot further she could without worrying about breaking rules. Now there's a lot less rules

 

I think right now, we've got a fairly well defined, without being overly restrictive, set of rules for ourselves. Right now, she's not ready to have other people involved, so we won't be playing with others. We'll watch / be watched, but that's it. As for games like the one I brought up, seeing as she's the less comfortable of us with this so far, she'll decide if we're going to play or not.

 

On a new note, she's getting ready, she just picked up a new shelf bra to wear as part of her ensemble for tomorrow night. Black leather (or near leather) pants, a nice tunic / dress top, and the bra (red with black trim) At this point, she's going to be so sexy hot, I'm going to need one of these:

to get close to her!

 

Jason

[Speed & Trixie 163]

I really hope you two had fun!

 

Ya know, we high school geeks make the best adult lovers

 

Trixie

[Guest warrencouple]

Speed & Trixie said:

I really hope you two had fun!

 

Ya know, we high school geeks make the best adult lovers

 

Trixie

 

D'OH!

I should have indicated better, that the party is tonight, not last night. Last night she was working on getting her outfit together...

 

Ah, the mental picture of her walking around the club in her leather pants and the bra...

[NCfuncouple98 367]

Ya know, we high school geeks make the best adult lovers

 

Trixie

 

Amen sister! I was absolutely a geek then, still a geek! But now I'm a sexy geek..

[NCfuncouple98 367]

Jason, I hope you too have a great time tonight. Please let us know how it goes!

[Guest warrencouple]

I've really got to learn something, when planning a night out...

 

DON'T F'IN OVERPLAN!

 

Demon Murphy decided to pay a visit.

Today's schedule at the start:

Drop some furniture off at Mom-in-laws

Take Mom-in-law, go pick up a neice and nephew (both under 8)

Take said entourage to b-day party for nephew on wifes side (party scheduled from 4pm to 6pm)

Reverse order of above, except for the furniture, that stays at the Mom-in-laws

Go to club and have a good time

 

What happened, that I am now posting here at 10:15pm rather than ogling my lovely wife at the club? The b-day party ran closer to 7-7:15, didn't get home from dropping off the Mom-in-law until 9pm (club doors open at 9pm). Mrs now feeling rather tired, but willing to go if I wanted. Had a discussion on this, told her I'd understand, and not be upset (disappointed a bit, yes, NOT upset / irritated / annoyed) and not hurt (well, maybe a touch hurt, but if so, not yet) We decided to move forward with the plans. Got to the ATM to get $$$ for the night, got back to the car, she was definitely feeling irritated. Asked again if she wanted to call it off, she said no, she didn't want to hurt me, she wanted to go for my b-day (tomorrow) as well. Told her we didn't have to go, and as she didn't seem to want to go, headed for home (ATM is just down the block, so it's not like we were miles from home)

 

Just called the club a few minutes ago to let them know we were (again) canceling (from the Intro to the Lifestyle seminar we went to, they call people on the guest list who don't show to make sure everything is OK)

 

As for what the Mrs and I are going to do tonight, well, I put the new satin sheets on the bed, and am typing this in my new silk boxers, she's out in the living room in a nice satin outfit, so we're still going to enjoy the evening.

 

That being said, we've also registered tonight (again!) for another event, the "Get Lei'd" night, in 2 weeks. What are we up to, round 4 for our attempts?

:lol:

 

But, one thing for sure, no from us! Now, if we don't make an event by the time passports become mandatory for crossing the border, that might be a different story...

 

Jason

PS The Mrs was in here to help decide on an event, and apologized for not making my b-day special, and ruining tonight. I told her, I'm with her, that makes it special regardless, and as for "ruining" tonight, to read line two of this post (which I was still working on at the time)

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

warrencouple said:

The Mrs was in here to help decide on an event, and apologized for not making my b-day special, and ruining tonight. I told her, I'm with her, that makes it special regardless, and as for "ruining" tonight, to read line two of this post (which I was still working on at the time)

Jason, I do regret to read that you did not make your long-planned trip to this club. But I do also believe that not only are you making yourself crazy but you are making you wife crazy as well. Really. Don't you think you had better step way back and take a wide-angle view of this.

[Guest warrencouple]

SW_PA_Couple said:

Jason, I do regret to read that you did not make your long-planned trip to this club. But I do also believe that not only are you making yourself crazy but you are making you wife crazy as well. Really. Don't you think you had better step way back and take a wide-angle view of this.

 

Thank you, for the suggestion.

 

I don't *think* I'm making myself, or her crazy over this, but I could be. I do think I've managed to step back a bit, take a more "it'll happen or not" view towards our going, where early on when we were talking about going (prior even to this try), I tended to be something of a pest about going, and got rather more aggravated when we didn't go. I've also given this a bit of thought this AM (I tend to get up before her on weekends), and determined that I'm not even really all that disappointed we didn't go. We were both a bit tired from the running around, and we did have a wonderful evening, just the two of us.

 

We were both looking forward to going, even she was disappointed (a little) we didn't go, but I handle most of our scheduling, and should have though about how tight the evening was getting (even if all had gone according to plan, we still would have been a bit pressed for time)

 

As for the "ruining" the b-day, the Mrs tries to always make my b-day special, and even can get a bit upset and apologetic if she doesn't find just the "right" gift for me. She was getting aggravated the other day, as we were running around after work to 3 different stores so she could look for a particular item (no idea what, she did tell me she had no luck finding it) I've told her, I've got the perfect gift, her.

 

PS You know, it seems rather difficult to not come across when thanking someone for a suggestion like yours, without seeming snarky. I really do appreciate all the advice everyone has given.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

warrencouple said:

Thank you, for the suggestion.

I do hope I am helping.

 

I am going to elaborate a little and what moved me to send my message earlier this morning.

 

warrencouple said:

. . .but I handle most of our scheduling . . .

OK. Why, then, did you have to ask her yesterday evening if she wanted to call it off? You should be able, by now, to read her feelings. Yes, you should take charge of a situation. But by making her decide, you have set up a situation where if the evening goes poorly, you can pin it on her. If evening goes well . . .

 

warrencouple said:

The Mrs was in here to help decide on an event, and apologized for not making my b-day special, and ruining tonight.

I want you to ask yourself what reason you might have given her to feel guilty. I humbly submit to you and to all of the other people who read this forum that this is one of my own failings. So many time I have tried to play on a woman's sense of guilt. Happily, I am now married to a woman who does not stand for it.

[Guest warrencouple]

SW_PA_Couple said:

OK. Why, then, did you have to ask her yesterday evening if she wanted to call it off? You should be able, by now, to read her feelings. Yes, you should take charge of a situation. But by making her decide, you have set up a situation where if the evening goes poorly, you can pin it on her. If evening goes well . . .

 

True, which is in part why I was asking if she wanted to call it off. I actually started planning on the drive home to make up the bed with the nice sheets, and candles, expecting she was going to want to cancel. Sometimes, both her and I will follow through on plans, even though we may prefer to simply crash at home. The possibility was there that she was going to want to go still, despite everything. We had both put some effort (mostly phone calls to the club about dress code,) and money (her new shoes) into going.

 

Truthfully, the evening did not go poorly, despite not going, and if we had plowed ahead, if I had ignored the vibes from her, I would have taken the responsibility for not listening to her feelings.

 

SW_PA_Couple said:

I want you to ask yourself what reason you might have given her to feel guilty. I humbly submit to you and to all of the other people who read this forum that this is one of my own failings. So many time I have tried to play on a woman's sense of guilt. Happily, I am now married to a woman who does not stand for it.

 

Well, she actually once we got home from our ATM run asked what next weekends event was, so she's still some interested in going. As for the rest, I'm going to get her in here while I put in contacts, and let her reply...

 

Mrs. here. It's not him at all making me feel guilty, it's me. I'm really good at taking the responsibility for stuff that's not my fault.

He didn't play on my sense of guilt - it was me wanting to not disappoint him again. We've been talking about this for about 6 months and he's been gung ho the entire time where my enthusiasm has worn off to some extent. I'm still interested, I still want to give this a try but it doesn't hold the overwhelming appeal for me as it does for him.

 

When I get overly tired, like I was last night, I get cranky. That's where I was when we stopped at the ATM. Cranky like that might have spoiled everything and may have even caused problems at the club so it was better that we didn't go, IMO. He's fine with that. We've signed up for another event in 2 weeks where the only thing going on that day is taking the cat to the vet. He's blocked out the rest of the day so NOTHING else will be scheduled and interfere with that night.

 

On the plus side, we stayed home, watched a movie then went to bed and had some great sex. So it was still a good night.

[rpu3 630]

Mrs. here. It's not him at all making me feel guilty, it's me. I'm really good at taking the responsibility for stuff that's not my fault.

 

Hee. Glad there are a few others that do guilt/responsibility for things not one's fault thing very well, too.

 

He didn't play on my sense of guilt - it was me wanting to not disappoint him again. We've been talking about this for about 6 months and he's been gung ho the entire time where my enthusiasm has worn off to some extent. I'm still interested, I still want to give this a try but it doesn't hold the overwhelming appeal for me as it does for him.

 

This is where that sense of overthinking and wondering if you are being driven nuts might pop up for me. I'm glad he (and you) has a place to talk about all his thoughts on it (as do you). It seems, though, as the difference in your interest levels could feasibly a regular stressor.

 

When I get overly tired, like I was last night, I get cranky. That's where I was when we stopped at the ATM. Cranky like that might have spoiled everything and may have even caused problems at the club so it was better that we didn't go, IMO. He's fine with that.

 

Good that you didn't go and good that he was fine with it. We've aborted more trips to the club than actual attendance at the club. I am a cranky sort at times, and the club will never be the place for me to be when I'm cranky. Tired and distracted don't mix well, either. It's just better to stay home if it doesn't feel right.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Jason!

 

Did you guys ever make it to Get Lei'd!?