Overcoming Objections

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

When you first brought up the idea of swinging to your partner, what objections (if any) did you have to overcome before they were willing to give it a try?

 

 

- Worry about one or both of you falling in love with someone else?

- Worry about potential jealousy?

- Worry about family/friends finding out?

- Worry about you thinking less of them for doing so?

- Worry that swinging is morally wrong? Religious/ Moral Issues?

- Worry that your desire for swinging means that they are not enough for you? That you don't love them anymore or will love them less?

 

How did you handle these questions? What answers did you give? How did you overcome the objections?

[sexcupid 809]

- Worry about potential jealousy?

- Worry about you thinking less of them for doing so?

- Worry that your desire for swinging means that they are not enough for you? That you don't love them anymore or will love them less?

 

How did you handle these questions? What answers did you give? How did you overcome the objections?

 

I think these were our primary concerns. Possible jealousies, doubts, etc.

 

For us, we could only disect the problem so many times. It finally got to be a situation where we had talked it to death and felt that there was no way of knowing if any of the lingering concerns were valid issues without having an experience or two under our belts.

 

Most of the times we tend to take it on a case by case basis, if only because as it has been mentioned before here...you can't plan for or discuss every possible scenario.

[Additude 457]

Doubt I think.

 

Her doubting that I was sincere and that there was some other underlying coercion.

[CXXC 435]

Mrs. CXXC thought I was kidding. When I convinced her that I was not, she informed me that it was like hearing Cocaine is good for you and is now legal. She just could not wrap her head aorund the idea of sexual freedom for a while.

 

However the idea excited her so much so that desire won over argument.

[VegasLee 1,486]

- Worry about one or both of you falling in love with someone else?

- Worry about potential jealousy?

- Worry about family/friends finding out?

- Worry about you thinking less of them for doing so?

- Worry that swinging is morally wrong? Religious/ Moral Issues?

- Worry that your desire for swinging means that they are not enough for you? That you don't love them anymore or will love them less?

 

 

In reading this the way Julie posted it brought something to my attention from many, many years ago.

 

We never discussed or had to deal with anything she listed there.

 

Has to make me wonder if Julie has hit on the difference of this being a Lifestyle or a Hobby to different people?

[TNT 1,155]

 

 

- Worry about one or both of you falling in love with someone else?

- Worry about potential jealousy?

- Worry about family/friends finding out?

- Worry about you thinking less of them for doing so?

- Worry that swinging is morally wrong? Religious/ Moral Issues?

- Worry that your desire for swinging means that they are not enough for you? That you don't love them anymore or will love them less?

 

 

I had to think back a bit on these questions...

 

Never worried about either of us falling in love with someone else.

Never worried about jealousy.

Never worried about either of us thinking less of the other.

Never worried about moral/religious issues.

Never worried about either one of us not being enough for each other or that we didn't love each other.

 

Family/friends...that was a worry of mine and for the first few months all swinging activities were kept out of town. That worry has become less and less over the years to the point it's not a worry any longer. If family/friends found out, they would either deal or not deal, either way, we'll still have each other and that's all we need.

 

 

Teresa

[Willing29 66]

When it was first brought up to the Mrs her first comment was;

"Am I not enough for you?" Now after being into it for about 8 months I think she is very happy. So far we have done some things that will make Penthouse Forum look very tame. YEE HA!

[JustMrJ 178]

When you first brought up the idea of swinging to your partner, what objections (if any) did you have to overcome before they were willing to give it a try?

 

 

- Worry about one or both of you falling in love with someone else?

- Worry about potential jealousy?

- Worry about family/friends finding out?

- Worry about you thinking less of them for doing so?

- Worry that swinging is morally wrong? Religious/ Moral Issues?

- Worry that your desire for swinging means that they are not enough for you? That you don't love them anymore or will love them less?

 

How did you handle these questions? What answers did you give? How did you overcome the objections?

 

Never worried about the falling in love with others part.

Talked about potential jealousy, but we normally had so little, it was easily solved.

Never worry about friends and family finding out, just take precautions. Worry is not part of it.

Never worried about anyone we tell thinking less of us.

Danced around the religious subject a bit, but that was easily decided by both of us.

Never even talked about the 'enough for you' part. Wasn't even thought of.

 

NOTE: Julie, you may want to edit your original post. "Worry about you thinking less of them for doing so?" I think this should be "Worry about THEM thinking less of YOU for doing so?" Correct?

[LFM2 1,482]

When you first brought up the idea of swinging to your partner, what objections (if any) did you have to overcome before they were willing to give it a try?

 

 

- Worry about one or both of you falling in love with someone else?

- Worry about potential jealousy?

- Worry about family/friends finding out?

- Worry about you thinking less of them for doing so?

- Worry that swinging is morally wrong? Religious/ Moral Issues?

- Worry that your desire for swinging means that they are not enough for you? That you don't love them anymore or will love them less?

 

How did you handle these questions? What answers did you give? How did you overcome the objections?

 

Since he brought up the idea of swinging with me, it was my insecurities we had to hurdle before we could start anything. Knowing him like I do, I'm still really surprised that he took it really slow at first, to let me get used to the idea and let me find what I needed to before we could start anything.

 

I was never worried he'd fall in love with someone else. But I was always worried that he'd find someone better at sex than I was. I did worry at first that he might want to run off with her because she was better than I was. Not that he'd fall in love, but just run off with her.

 

At first, I was worried about jealousy. I wasn't sure how I'd react to the first time I seen him with another woman. It's quite a thought that goes through your head when you're picturing your husband and another woman in the throes of sex. We're supposed to be protective of our spouses. We're supposed to jump and head butt the offending partner like animals in the wild that vie for the pleasure of being with the female of the herd. I have to say it definitely wasn't jealousy I felt that first time... More of a, "Damn!! This is hawt watching him with someone else!" I think this is where a lot of communication came in and helped me see he had no intention of running off with another woman or falling in love with someone else. From that first time, it's been nothing but recreational sex with another couple and that was it.

 

Yep, I worried about family or friends finding out, too. My mother would stroke if she found out not to mention his mother would die a thousand deaths and we'd be banned to burn in hell. I don't worry anymore if family or friends find out. I refuse to worry about something I have no control over. If they find out, either they can get over it or hate us and never talk to us again. That would be their choice, not ours.

 

Swinging is strongly against the Catholic religion. (DUH!!) Obviously, if you don't feel guilty about something, you're not practicing that religion closely enough. Well, short story -- we no longer practice that religion. I guess you could say we're agnostic. I did a lot of reading in here about religion and such and actually Intuition897 gives some of the best advice when it comes to mixing religion/spirituality and swinging. In reality, we're not hurting anyone. I don't think that any God would ban us to hell for having fun with another couple. Intuition says it much better.

 

I will admit that when Dave first brought up the idea of swinging, it really hurt my feelings. He didn't explain himself very well at the beginning and I really did think that he was saying I'm just not enough for him and that he wants more. I thought our relationship was OK and he was saying that it sucked (In my female brain, this is what I heard, when he didn't say this at all!) and he needed more. This is where a whole lotta communication had to take place. We talked about all the subjects above and more. I needed to do some much needed research to find out how the male brain worked because he couldn't explain enough to me the "why's" of his requests. At least, not to my satisfaction. I was wanting more answers than he could give. So, my adventures led me here to do that research so I could get some answers that would satisfy my curiosity of not just how Dave's brain worked, but how a man's brain in general worked and why they thought the way they did regarding swinging.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

 

NOTE: Julie, you may want to edit your original post. "Worry about you thinking less of them for doing so?" I think this should be "Worry about THEM thinking less of YOU for doing so?" Correct?

 

It could go either, way but I actually meant it the way I wrote it. It's not an uncommon worry/fear that the partner being asked to swing may have. Even though it is their partner asking them to do it, they may worry that by actually doing it their partner may think less of them after they actually go through with it.

[CXXC 435]

I can see it going either way.

It was not a concern for either of us, however, there are those who could actually react in that way.

"I can't believe he/she actually did it!"

[JustMrJ 178]

:doh!:DOH! Now I understand. I was under the incorrect presumption that you were referring to the previous 'worry' about your family finding out.

 

Now your original makes sense.

 

In that context, NO, neither of us had that worry at all.

[Chicup 42]

- Worry about one or both of you falling in love with someone else? -No

- Worry about potential jealousy? -Minor

- Worry about family/friends finding out? -No

- Worry about you thinking less of them for doing so? - No

- Worry that swinging is morally wrong? Religious/ Moral Issues? - No

- Worry that your desire for swinging means that they are not enough for you? That you don't love them anymore or will love them less? - No

 

Guess it was pretty easy for us

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I just listed a bunch of potential worries off the top of my head in the original post... not an end all be all. Were there other objections/ concerns that your partner had beyond those that are listed?

[NCfuncouple98 367]

- Worry about one or both of you falling in love with someone else? Nope.

- Worry about potential jealousy? Maybe a little, but not much.

- Worry about family/friends finding out? Ehh, maybe.

- Worry about you thinking less of them for doing so? Again, ehh, maybe

- Worry that swinging is morally wrong? Religious/ Moral Issues? This was the one I worried about. Having had just recently joined a church and becoming very involved in the volunteer team, I did struggle with the "church face" in the morning. But now, a year later, I have overcome my own morality issues and am finally allowing myself to just enjoy what we have together, damn those who judge.

- Worry that your desire for swinging means that they are not enough for you? That you don't love them anymore or will love them less? Nope.

 

I struggled with the "persona" part. If anyone did find out, would that brand me a slut? I dealt with that reputation in high school, even when it wasn't warranted. So my issues were just that, my issues.

 

But once I worked through them, which was so healthy for the rest of our marriage and not just swinging, wow did I let a lot of baggage go. Now, it's all about US, and fun. As long as it continues to be fun, look out, here we are!

 

Mrs NC

[The Fuse 1,012]

Worry about catching a disease?

[LFM2 1,482]

Or pregnancy?

[The Fuse 1,012]

Or pregnancy?

Yes... we recently talked on the phone with a new (or returning, I'm not sure) couple. The guy is fixed, and the woman is not. They realized during our phone conversation that they hadn't considered ways to prevent her getting pregnant, other than condoms. So that is a hurdle that they will have to jump if they want to play.

[willyoats 324]

Maybe I am the luckiest guy on the board. My wife never had any reservations. She jumped right in!

 

I had security clearance at the time, and "moral turpitude" clauses in my contracts could have been invoked if we had been outed. Thus, we met people only at clubs, conventions and resort take-overs where we could have immediate personal contact, and there was no paper trail.

 

We had high school aged children when we started. The deceptions and half truths about where we had been on club night bothered my straight arrow (regarding always being truthful) wife. Consequently, I did the talkign when there were questions. Eventually, the kids found out all about it, and they were cool with the idea.

[mandlori 16]

My desire was to see her with another guy, preferrably someone we didn't know. Her feeling was that it was my way to be able to say, "Now you have had someone else, it is my turn to play." Through a lot of talking I convinced her that was not the case, I helped her select someone through ads on a swinger site. After about a half dozen times she said that this was a lot of fun, and I should not be missing out, so we started adding couples.

[Swing*8701 887]

Ed here-- I just thought that marriage meant monogamy and that monogamy was a good thing. Now I just view it as one option that you can choose among a variety of options.