Do you ever help newbie swingers?

[truckerbuddy 127]

I have a question for the Experienced swingers.

 

Do you or have you ever taken a newbie under your wing and show them the ropes (do's and dont's?)

 

I know this site helps a lot with questions, but some people need or would like some one on one help getting past there concerns?

 

Being kinda new to the lifestyle but with the male half having some experience would it be better to connect with someone newer or someone with experience?

[The Fuse 1,012]

I wouldn't say "under our wing", but we have certainly talked to newbies about how we got started, things we learned along the way, etc. We've also answered questions people have asked us. We try to have a light touch when talking to newbies, because coming off like an advisor or teacher is not sexy.

 

As far as whether it's better for newbies to first connect with other newbies or with more experienced people, that's a matter of personal taste. Some newbies are afraid of the more experienced, thinking they will go too fast, apply too much pressure, or generally be callous. Some newbies end up connecting with other newbies, and if there are "newbie issues" on both sides, then the effect is compounded.

 

Some newbies actually seek out a more experienced couple for their first encounter. Personally this is the way we went, though it wasn't really done on purpose, and we were happy about it. Our first partners were completely stable, had been around, and dealt with our nervousness and hesitancy. In short, they were considerate.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Yes we have talked with many people new to the lifestyle, about how we feel.

 

Not with the intentions of being their first experience, If thats what you mean by under our wing.....

 

We understand we don't have all the answers, for all people interested. But we do understand what we have been through and how collectively, we found our own comfort.

 

We have recommended the Swingers Board to many new and experienced people

[VanHlebar 187]

We have talked a lot with folks that where new to the lifestyle. As The Fuse indicated, we haven't really "taken them under our wings", but we have talked at length of what our experiences have been over the past few years.

 

For us we just happened to find a very experienced couple as our first couple and they where super people. Mrs Van and I still look back at our experiences with this couple and talk about how they really helped us find our comfort zones and helped us deal with a lot of my issues at the start. There is no doubt that our first couple have shaped our "process" if you will in how we deal with new couples.

[ktimephoenix 156]

we have talked to many newbies as well. entering the lifestyle we found most couples were happy to help/talk/ease our minds when we started.

 

Although the phrase "take beneath our wing" does trouble me. there is at least one couple (that by my judgement) in our "Scene" here, actively seeks out newbs, and ends up exploiting them (first time, not sure what to expect, run the play to suit them etc), and turning them off of meeting alot of other good couples (by spreading rumours). we actually had them try it on us... they obviously weren't paying attention when we were saying that we weren't inexperienced.

[Oleg&Lena 43]

Although from time to time we encounter with such newbies who asks to help them to enter swinging I don't think newbies need somebody's help indeed. I mean the help from one or two certain persons. The more better to learn the opinions of many reading this board or other resources like this board, to try swinging and get own mind from one's experience.

 

So it doesn't matter with whom to begin swinging. To our mind good swinging doesn't depend on experience of participants but depend on how much they suit each other.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I get the impression that what you are asking is if experienced couples ever play "mentor" to newbie couples, not necessarily looking to swing with them but being willing to be there for them, answer questions, show them the ropes, be their guide so to speak to help them avoid the pitfalls. Kind of a personal "swinger coach"? Is that the idea you are going for?

[Alura 2,774]

Maybe the Swingers Board should start an organization of couples who would be willing to "tutor" new couples locally? We certainly have both the wisdom and the experience among the fabulous people who post here.

 

Personally, I think it could be very helpful for newly interested couples whether sex be part of the friendship or not.

[exploringRM 305]

Now taking applications for all new couples.

[truckerbuddy 127]

I get the impression that what you are asking is if experienced couples ever play "mentor" to newbie couples, not necessarily looking to swing with them but being willing to be there for them, answer questions, show them the ropes, be their guide so to speak to help them avoid the pitfalls. Kind of a personal "swinger coach"? Is that the idea you are going for?

 

Yes. thank you julie,, you got it.

 

sorry... im just an ole redneck

[LFM2 1,482]

Yes we have talked with many people new to the lifestyle, about how we feel.

 

Not with the intentions of being their first experience, If thats what you mean by under our wing.....

 

We understand we don't have all the answers, for all people interested. But we do understand what we have been through and how collectively, we found our own comfort.

 

We have recommended the Swingers Board to many new and experienced people

 

This is pretty much us, as well.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Per, this thread, it seems like it something a lot of people think about, but no one really wants to be put in the position of it one on one. There are lots of reason why not. The reasons that come off the top of my head - not wanting to end up being a couple's babysitter at parties, not wanting to give them the wrong advice, or feel like they are expecting YOU to have all the answers, and just frustration at the times when you do try to help and people don't listen - leaving you wondering why you bothered.

 

Hang out around here and you get dozens of coaches more than willing to help you, and you don't have to worry about interrupting their schedule, or waiting for them to return a phone call. It allows those of us who want to/ can help to do so in our own time, and allows you to get the answers you need in your own time as well... plus you get the advantage of lots of opinions instead of just one.

[oncewere 84]

When the blind lead the blind they both fall in the hole.

 

In our club there we always made sure there was someone as Alura described who mentored a newbie. It made a big difference to have someone to answer questions, make introductions, encourage them and generally run interference. It was fun for the mentors too, a win win situation.

 

We figured that mentoring guidance, optimizing initial experiences, more than doubled the probability of a newby continuing in the club. "A newbie is a terrible thing to waste."

[twoforone100 45]

yes we have done something close to mentoring.... and in the two cases we can think it has worked out very well... If someone asks we will answer.... We figure the more people who play, is gonna make it better for us in the long run... And in those two cases it was very good for us....

[Alura 2,774]

JustAskJulie said:

Per, this thread, Hang out around here and you get dozens of coaches more than willing to help you, and you don't have to worry about interrupting their schedule, or waiting for them to return a phone call. It allows those of us who want to/ can help to do so in our own time, and allows you to get the answers you need in your own time as well... plus you get the advantage of lots of opinions instead of just one.

 

That's exactly why the Swingers Board would be a fine place to start such a group of volunteers. The people here generally know what they're doing and are caring folks who would endeavor to give newbys a good introduction, whether it be restricted to answering questions, introducing them at the local club, actually helping with the couple's first experience, or all of the above.

 

As oncewere suggested, such an introduction would, I believe, make a couple's entry into the lifestyle more pleasant.

 

Mrs. Alura would have loved being a coach, which is probably why I think it's such a good idea.

[The Fuse 1,012]

It's an interesting idea... but I think that when Mr. Fuse and I were newbies, if someone had suggested the idea of a volunteer mentor, we would not have been receptive. We would have thought it was a little creepy...like something was implied, no matter how subtly. However, if there had been a particular person or couple we felt like we wanted as a mentor, we might have asked them questions in that vein. We did talk to people about how they got started.

 

Our "mentor" was a group -- the people of the Swingersboard. Lots of wisdom at once, with the freedom of anonymity on both sides, and the best people around. We also learned from what we saw, and what we felt.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Hmmm. It would be just our luck to nurture a couple beginning in the lifestyle and subsequently see them turn into sex-addled monsters. We would then have to change our screen names from SW_PA_Couple to Doctors_Frankenstein. The other side is to unintentionally lead a couple wrongly and subsequently have to take the blame. I think that contributing to the collective advice of this bulletin board would be as far as we would want to go.

[Alura 2,774]

I had no idea we had so many cynics on this website.

 

No matter... my swinging days are past. Without Laura I wouldn't have the interest nor the wherewithal to be a mentor.

 

I still think it'd be helpful to newbies, especially when combined with what this board already offers.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Alura said:

I had no idea we had so many cynics on this website.

Sarcasm, my dear Mr. Alura, is what I used to express my feeling. My wife and I would never cynically disregard prospective swingers. But maybe sarcasm is the word you meant to use. It could happen, I'm sure, that if during the process of becoming acquainted with a couple we sensed that they could use mentors, we would become their mentors. But I'm sure we would not go out to seek newcomers to simply become their mentors.

 

But if there were anybody of this on-line community who had the conviction and wisdom-gained-from-experience to provide guidance to newcomers, it would most certainly, Al, be you.

[truckerbuddy 127]

WOW ... i didn't think that this would go this far... as for myself.. i have a little exp.. but my girl is new.. I know at times when I go to a new bar.. even for me .. it can be extra lonely if you don't know anyone, even boring.. My thought was .. if there was a cpl that was new in your area would you / have you taken them with you to a party?? not as far as having sex with them.. just to help them get out of the corner, as for a mentor? just someone there that they know mite help a lot. in getting them to introduce them self and get them talking to author cpls..

[Alura 2,774]

SW_PA_Couple said:

But if there were anybody of this on-line community who had the conviction and wisdom-gained-from-experience to provide guidance to newcomers, it would most certainly, Al, be you.

 

Thank you, M. Without Laura, however, I'd be woefully inadequate as a mentor.

[Guest Trellken]

My thought was .. if there was a cpl that was new in your area would you / have you taken them with you to a party?? not as far as having sex with them.. just to help them get out of the corner, as for a mentor? just someone there that they know mite help a lot. in getting them to introduce them self and get them talking to author cpls..

 

Jules and I were lucky enough to have something similar to this when we first went to Trapeze in Atlanta. Before going to visit, I joined the club's online forum to ask some questions and get a feel for what it would be like to go. One of the regulars was nice enough to not only answer all my questions, she and her husband offered to meet us early in the night and introduce us to a bunch of the other regulars they had gotten to know over their time at the club. The whole group welcomed us in with no expectations or pressure to engage in anything we weren't ready for and made us feel very comfortable and secure in what could be a very strange place for newbies.

 

If we hadn't had such a warm welcome, I'm sure the experience wouldn't have been anything close to as fun and exciting as it was.

[sereneiders 263]

We wouldn't be swinging should we didn't found an experienced swinger couple that provided advice and lots of patience, moreover, without even wanting to have sex with us (even when the attitude eventually worth the effort and we finally did it... being ourselves the ones starting it).

 

The fact is, by then MOST of the swingers we meet were kind and caring, which not only evaporated our fears, but made us aware of the high moral standards they follow... so alike to ours. They had the same fears when they started, they've been there, and even more important for THEM, they were aware of how drama prone is to jump into the bed with a couple that may be engaging in swinging like kamikazes or as a way to solve their problems, and swingers hate drama.

 

So we follow their lead... not only to the bed, also in being careful (in the broader sense of the word) with ANYONE we meet, disregarding how experienced they were, but moreover if they lack experience.

 

And the fact that so many experienced swingers devote some of their valuable time to provide advice in here is a proof of those standards.