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My wife and I have been swingers for a while now. We've talked at various different times about the idea of her playing solo. I'm not interested in playing solo (and my opportunities would probably be limited anyway) so the discussions have focused on her desire to play solo. I've never pressured her on the idea, just held her hand as we walked the thought path together. For me, I'm happy for her to play solo given a few constraints; mainly that it is something she wants very much, and there's no emotional non-monogamy going on.

 

We recently were swinging with a single male "Dave" (us together, not solo). After a very enjoyable session with him, my wife has been very horny (almost insatiable!). She is extremely eager to have sex with him again. I'm not a jealous type, and this doesn't bother me in the slightest. She's been very emphatic in telling me she wants me more, and I've no questions about that. Our communication has been completely open and honest, as it always has been. I have zero doubts about our relationship or swinging within the context of our relationship.

 

Before Dave, my wife had been somewhat opposed to playing solo, saying she wants me there in part for safety, in part for mutual enjoyment, and in part because she has said she'd feel like she was cheating if I wasn't there. With Dave, there's not really a question of safety. We trust him. For mutual enjoyment, it's erotic to me for me wife to go play solo (though I admit I'd prefer to be there, but I don't object because I'm not there; I know she'd come home ridiculously horny and insatiable again). We've also spent a lot of time over many months talking about her feelings that she would feel like she's cheating. She's previously understood that logically it's not cheating, but her emotions have been telling her otherwise. She's been slowly softening on that and doesn't feel very strongly that way anymore. As she has said, "I wouldn't be doing anything I haven't already done, and I'd have your permission".

 

An opportunity will probably shortly arise where my wife can go play solo with Dave. I would not be there, so this isn't a separate room play sort of thing. It's just him and her. I usually do all the arrangements for swinging, and at my asking (not pressuring) she's given me carte blanche to set up a solo play date for her with Dave if she does not have anything else planned. She's very turned on by the idea and is really looking forward to it.

 

So a few questions, especially directed at those whose spouses have played solo (but all comments welcome!):

 

(1) I've got some first time jitters. It's not jealousy. I understand the difference. But, I've got the jitters. I don't read the jitters as a red flag. More, it's a bit of nervousness with the unknown approaching. Any thoughts on this? Did you experience this? What were your feelings and how did this all factor in?

 

(2) We've talked about her calling me while she's having sex with him. We've joked that this is quite a different form of phone sex! She's ok with that, but I don't want to distract her from the task at hand. But, is this really a no-no with respect to Dave? For the men who've done this, how would you feel if the woman you were having sex with wanted to get on the phone with her husband (whom you had met, and of course you know has given permission)?

 

(3) Is there anything that perhaps we haven't discussed or thought of that we need to consider in a solo play date? We're very clear on rules (not many). I trust her implicitly to terminate things if they head the wrong direction emotionally. She trusts me to communicate my thoughts and feelings to her (and I have) and vice versa (and she has).

 

Any and all thoughts on this are quite welcome!

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#1 - First off the jitters are normal. Even jealousy is normal and fine, if contained. Jealousy can even add to the emotional aspect of it for you because when she walks back thru the door at home...you know who she came to. It's inevitable, you do have some jealousy. Dave will probably also to some extent.

 

#2. - Phone calls during sex are fine if you want. This isn't really about Dave, other than you want Dave to understand this is something you and your wife are experiencing and Dave is just a tool for you two. I used to have sex with a woman who's hubby was a truck driver. Ironically we both shared the same first name...but she would call him when we were screwing...I even used her cell to take pics and sent them to him.....that was pretty erotic. If I was Dave, I'd be happy to accomodate...

 

#3 - The things I was thinking were the "during" and "after" part. When you plan the date, are they going to Dave's place or get a room? Will your wife stay for a certain amount of time? Like limited to 2 hours, etc. Will your wife leave as soon as they are done? Will she clean up or bring the sex and Dave's cum home with her? What if there is a problem; will you have a contingency plan?

 

I have dearly wanted to do this for my wife also...but she is on and off with the idea.....who knows...maybe one day :)

 

Good Luck and be sure to let us know how it goes.

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Glad the jitters are normal :) I don't feel jealousy, and I don't know that her coming home to me has any specialness to it because I don't in any respect feel she is leaving me for someone else (even if temporarily) or anything like that. I've zero fear she's going to go "Holy cow! That was the best sex I ever had! Sayonara Mr. MWP!" She knows this is sex and sex only. Not sure I understand how Dave will feel jealous? Wanting her back in his bed and feeling jealous that she's with someone else (me)?

 

Thanks for the input on the phone sex bit!

 

Replying on other points; they're getting a room. Rather, Dave is getting a room and she's meeting him there. My wife plans on being there for at most 2.5 hours. She can stay longer if she wants, but she'll call me if she wants to stay longer. If she's late by a fair bit and I haven't heard from her, I think I'll be going crazy :)

 

I don't know if she'll leave as soon as they are 'done'. I don't mind them chit chatting, then having sex again, or taking a shower together to clean up or what have you. If she cleans up, she cleans up. I think I'd find it a bit erotic for her to come home with his cum dried on her, if he cums on her. But, if she doesn't that's fine too.

 

As for problems...We have every reason to trust Dave, and no inkling at all there's reason not to. It being at a hotel, it's a bit safer than at his place. I know where the hotel is, and I will know the room number before she goes in. She'll call me before going in, and call me when she leaves. If she wants to stay past when she's supposed to leave, she will call me by the time she's supposed to leave. She understands that the cavalry is coming if these things don't happen. The worst case scenario is I lose contact with her, but I at least know the hotel she was supposed to meet him at.

 

This has all gained a sense of immediacy because plans are in place now for her to go play solo with Dave for this Friday.

 

I'm especially happy about it because I had doubts about her desire to go solo but not now. I don't want her to play solo because I want her to play solo, or for any purpose of my own. I want her to play solo because she wants to and is very excited about it. Recently, she made it very clear to me she wanted me to set it up with Dave. As I mentioned in the first post in this thread, I had carte blanche to set it up. But, she felt I'd just have to do it and gently push her out the door. I think now the thought is driving her wild as she's well past that now and wants very much to go. That makes me happy because I know without a doubt now that she really wants to do it.

 

Though, the jitters part of me is saying 'What the hell have I gotten myself into?" :lol:

 

In the home stretch now, so to speak. If anyone sees reason for caution in any of this, please say so. We're all ears.

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It sounds to me like it'll be fun, MWP! I wish y'all the best in your adventure!

 

Once, my late wife and I planned the seduction of my high school sweetheart who was single at our class reunion. We were thrilled to have pulled it off.

 

Mrs. Alura prepared a "Tryst Kit" for the hotel room occasion. It was a basket which contained a vibrator, flavored lube, scented candles, a bottle of wine, two crystal wine goblets, an ice bucket, and some Brie cheese with crackers. The only thing left out was a joint. :)

 

Laura and I talked about it for the rest of our 29 year marriage. :)

 

Good Luck!

 

Mr. Alura

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Just a quick note on the telephone thing. An online lady friend of mine and her husband are into a mild cuckold thing. Sometimes when she is with a lover and he's at home, she calls hubby and leaves the speaker phone on so her hubby can hear what's happening between her bull and her.

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I've done the solo thing twice - both times with the blessing of my husband. I get a sense that you still may have some safety concerns for your wife. You (and obviously your wife too) needs to deal with this if it is a real concern. Maybe talk a little more with Dave to get reassured that everything will be just fine. The jitters/jealously are perfectly normal for all 3 of you. In my situation, my husband let me know that he wanted to know everything that took place and for me to do my best to tell him all of the "juicy details". I did that after I got home, describing every little detail while he had sex with me (and yes, I did not clean up, as my husband asked me not to). I truly believe it was a win-win-win situation. Good luck with yours!

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I've done the solo thing twice - both times with the blessing of my husband. I get a sense that you still may have some safety concerns for your wife. You (and obviously your wife too) needs to deal with this if it is a real concern. Maybe talk a little more with Dave to get reassured that everything will be just fine. The jitters/jealously are perfectly normal for all 3 of you. In my situation, my husband let me know that he wanted to know everything that took place and for me to do my best to tell him all of the "juicy details". I did that after I got home, describing every little detail while he had sex with me (and yes, I did not clean up, as my husband asked me not to). I truly believe it was a win-win-win situation. Good luck with yours!

 

PERFECT!!!

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I've done the solo thing twice - both times with the blessing of my husband. I get a sense that you still may have some safety concerns for your wife. You (and obviously your wife too) needs to deal with this if it is a real concern. Maybe talk a little more with Dave to get reassured that everything will be just fine. The jitters/jealously are perfectly normal for all 3 of you. In my situation, my husband let me know that he wanted to know everything that took place and for me to do my best to tell him all of the "juicy details". I did that after I got home, describing every little detail while he had sex with me (and yes, I did not clean up, as my husband asked me not to). I truly believe it was a win-win-win situation. Good luck with yours!

 

 

I'm still working on D to do this very thing. I get a tingle in my crotch just thinking about it.:D

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My wife has had many solo dates and always took them bareback and never "cleaned up" before cumming home - at my request. Nothing as slick and senscious as a fresh fucked pussy still dripping cum, with some also matted in her cunt hair. By the way, I have noticed that many men now days seem to prefer clean shaven pussies. Not me. My wife has a very hairy cunt and I love to lay my face on her piussy and feel the hair and see and taste the cum. HardTongue ht6977@yahoo.com

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I have been part of a couple in which i went from playing with the wife while the husband took pics/video to being allowed to play solo with the wife while the husband is at work. We had been meeting for well over a year. Though she never called him while we were having sex, she did send him pic messages via cell phone while she gave me a bj sometimes.

 

Once in a while we would then go back to having him watch also, we would meet up maybe every other week for a hour or so... we never dated per say, it was strictly about the sex and that was it.

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I would stay clear from the phone call during the middle. let her get into the mood and enjoy the experience. that is what she is there for after all right?

 

as for the jitters it is very normal and I too had them the first time my wife went out on her own, and again i have them now that she is about to do it again.

but in the end it will turn out to be a good experience, for the both of you. you will see that she will come back home to stay, and you should talk about the experience. after my wife did it with her man of choice we talked about it, then one night she had come home and had been with him again and just started talking about it and i had no idea she was going, a turn on for some.

i'm sure you will see after all is said and done, the 1st time doing any of this is always the most awkward

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We were asked by another contributor here to post an update on how the solo date went. So, here we are :)

 

The date went well. Not perfect, but it went well. The main negative was we both felt like it was an apart thing, rather than a together thing, and it felt less than perfect because of that. First time jitters definitely played a part, and we're thinking that in the future we'll try again and see how it goes. With the first time jitters out of the way, it will probably go better.

 

Now, in more detail. Around the time of the date, I wrote a semi-stream of conscious sort of self-writing. In condensed form with some editing, that is what follows. Sorry it's so long. It's actually a LOT longer, and I've trimmed a lot out to improve readability.

 

####

Today is the day after the solo date.

 

My mind keeps going through different phases over this, and I frankly don't understand what is going on inside my head and heart. I'm not at a loss for words to describe where I am at any given moment really. It's just that I keep shifting from one mood or thought pattern to another.

 

Today I realize that there is no way to accurately sum up how I feel. There's just too many thoughts and emotions running around to make sense of all of it. I can't be true to my real feelings because my real feelings are a jumble, a pile of disorganized elements that randomly intersect one another. At any moment, I can throw a few pieces together and think, "Ok this is how I feel" and an hour later I'll feel very different.

 

My wife loves fucking Dave. She really, really enjoyed the first time with him and was increasingly eager to have sex with him again. At times, I think it was driving her crazy with desire. This made me feel very good. I've always wanted swinging to be a very fulfilling experience for her, and it finally had been. It was like, "THIS is what it's supposed to feel like". It was wonderful for her, wonderful for us. The afterglow was tremendous and permeated our sex. I asked her repeatedly, and at different times how comfortable she was in general with having sex with Dave, and I always got a 10 for a response. There was no question in her mind that she wanted to have sex with him

again. The anticipation I think became fairly intense. In another discussion, I asked her if I had carte blanche to set up a solo play date with she and Dave, which she agreed to.

 

So, I placed a call to Dave to set up the play date. My hands were shaking, and I had a hard time maintaining an even voice. Here I am, setting up an evening for my wife to go off without me to have sex with another man. Nothing in our lives...nothing...prepares us for this moment. But, I wasn't going to let my wife down, especially when I was happy with the thought of her going and also that I had frequently suggested the possibility of her playing solo. I am my own master and I won't permit myself to fall back from something I know I want to make happen. Dave agreed to the date, I called my wife back to inform her of that, and then I couldn't eat much of my lunch because my stomach was tied in knots.

 

Why is my stomach tied in knots? I want this to happen. What am I fearing? I do not fear her leaving me. I know enough personal info about Dave that if he did rape and kill her, he'd be up on charges within a day. He knows that, so there's a lot less chance he'd risk doing something criminal. So, I don't fear for her safety. What am I fearing? What am I fearing? I couldn't put my finger on it. I still can't. How am I supposed to convey my feelings when I can't articulate them, don't understand them, and am fearing something that doesn't exist?

 

I post to swingersboard, hoping to find some answers. I asked about nervousness and jitters, not about jealousy. I didn't and do not feel jealous. The thread is ultimately viewed by over three hundred people, but only two responses essentially saying the jitters are normal, and not to worry. Everything in the situation I described seems fine.

 

Maybe it's the sort of feeling a first time parachutist gets makes a jump. You know it's going to be exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. For some, they can't let go...they can't make the jump. For others, they do it knowing the extreme danger. I felt extreme danger, but also knew that I was taking excessive counsel of my fears, fears that were largely irrational.

 

I know my wife is not going to leave me. We've discussed swinging at very great length and I think we both understand each other very, very well. I don't lack any trust in any respect of her. I know she's fully committed to me and me alone. Then the freight train comes screaming at me again "..then why does she need to go off and fuck another guy when you're not around?" Go away fear! You're not wanted here! But, I can't logic my way out of feelings.

 

Thursday rolls around, this is the day. This is the day she's going off to fuck her toy. I've been through bootcamp. I've been through nine weeks of structured hell. I've been through tear gas. I've been through fire that would kill you in seconds if you didn't know what you're doing. I've been on a dark ship intentionally being sunk. I can get through a day of internal turmoil and I'll come out alive, with my wife. What the hell am I fearing? WHAT AM I FEARING? I still can't wrap my head around it. I'm still at a loss.

 

I start counting the hours. "In eight hours, she'll be fucking Dave". "In six hours, he'll have his penis in her". "This is it. In four hours, their naked bodies will be intertwined". I'm excited. Excited for her. Nervous for me. I get to the place where she is and where I need to pick up the kids. She's wearing the dress she planned to wear for him. For him. Is this jealousy? Is it? Stupid feeling. Go away! I know it's not jealousy, it's something else.

 

In the car, the kids persist in asking where Mommy is going tonight. They won't back down. They insist on knowing. I of course don't tell them, but I'm frazzled by the inability to shut down the line of discussion.

 

Off to home, time to get the car cleaned out and the car seats in the garage. If she goes somewhere with him, better to have a freshly vacuumed car to do it in. Then it's off to inside, where I put together the jump bag. I make sure she's got everything she needs to have a night full of lots of sex with Dave. "I'm helping my wife have a date with another man, have sex without me there. I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy. Stay the course. Your fears are irrational".

 

I watch the clock like a hawk. My wife's to be home from a meeting at six. She's to come home and we're supposed to have sex before she leaves, I'm to prime her so to speak. The clock races forward. 6:05. 6:10. 6:15. She should be home now. If she doesn't get home now, there won't be time. 6:16. 6:17. 6:20. There's no time now if she does get home. There won't be time to screw around and get her on the road to see Dave to get to him by 7:30. I've tossed dinner in the oven set the timer, and the kids are out back playing. She comes home, and it's a in-the-door, kiss the kids and husband, and out the door sort of operation. I barely get a minute of her time. But at this point, it's ok. She's full of sexual energy and excitement, and I'm eager for her to go, but also wanting her to go so that I don't go into melt down, and so the next step is over so she'll be home, and this is over with.

 

I don't want her thinking about how I'm feeling. I want to be strong, confident, supportive, eager for her to go. I try hard to cast this impression. As she's leaving, she checks in with me about going. I tell her I'd be more upset if she didn't go. The implication isn't caught. I'm upset. I shouldn't have said anything like that. I'm glad she doesn't make the connection, and instead traces it as encouragement to go. Phew. I don't want her to ask about how I am feeling about her going. Had she asked, I would have told her "barely enough above whatever threshold is needed for you to go". Had I said that, she might not have gone. I want her to go, and I don't want her to know how I'm feeling. Have I blown it? The moment passes.

 

She drives off. Ok, ok, that's good. She's on the way. Nothing will stop it now. She'll have sex without me there tonight. Tonight, she's on her own.

 

After a few minutes of waiting to see if the phone will ring from her, I call Dave and leave a voicemail. He calls back in a few minutes, and we chat briefly. I let him know she's on the way, should be there on time, and yes he confirms I had the right room number. We talk about what she wants, to which I reply "what she really most wants is sex with you". We go into a bit more detail, but I neglect to remind him of her love for massage. We hang up.

 

Ok, dinner's ready, get the kids fed and you can get out the door to go shopping or anything other than sit at home so you don't stew in your own juices. Of course, the kids are filthy from playing in the yard, so they have to have a bath, which short circuits leaving the house. Off to bath. My wife calls, she's there outside the hotel. I encourage her, tell her to get her heels on and go get fucked. We hang up.

 

The minutes creep by. Time has run out. She's in there, alone, with him, and will be fucking him at my behest without being concerned about me. It's no great feet of prescience to know when things actually start between them. But, I feel it. I feel the moment within me. I know it's happening. I later confirm this as accurate.

 

The evening wears on, my thoughts and feelings go up and down. At times, I feel pretty good, happy she's getting a good fucking. Happy she's having a good time, and glad she's reached inside of herself to find this element within her, to self actualize. It's one life. Live it completely. At times, I feel pretty bad. How can I accept her going off without me and fucking another guy? What the hell am I doing? This isn't erotic. This isn't exciting. I'm not getting anything from this that is positive. All I'm getting is a bag of nerves. It's not that I feel bad universally or anything. I just feel all mixed up. Up down, back around, over and under.

 

My wife doesn't call. This is probably better. With how I'm feeling, I don't think I'd find it erotic to hear her fucking another guy right now. Part of me is sad about it too though. Has she blocked me out? Focused utterly on him and getting the best sex she can? I hope so. That's what I asked her to do, encouraged to do. Ok, it's fine she hasn't called. But, maybe it's not fine. Up down, back around, over and under.

 

These sorts of thoughts keep going around my brain. I know I'm not getting anywhere with them. I will not call and tell her to stop what she's doing and come home. I won't call to check up on her. I wanted her to have a good time, and my own turmoil is not her problem and would interfere with the evening. Why go through all of this only to throw a grenade on to the evening? If you're dead certain you feel neutral, or at least so jumbled you can't make heads or tails of it positive or negative, let it ride. Go with it.

 

Ok, got to distract myself. Once kids are to bed, go and play computer game. Ok, kids to bed, back downstairs and off to computer game. Computer game, set on tough level, should involve me enough to distract and let the time slip by so I don't focus on her fucking him. Works for a while. I look at the time. 9:15. Ok, almost two hours down and only half an hour to go before she leaves him.

 

Oh now that's a thought. I'm focusing on when she's leaving not when she's returning home? Why am I thinking that? Maybe this is jealousy? No, it's not. It's worry. It's nerves. It's desperation that the evening works out ok, and once she's on the road there's no variables left. It's just time until she gets home. Once on the road, I don't have to worry about anything other than her driving safely.

 

Back to game. Ok, it's getting intense and I'm having a hard time with one of the enemies. Time slips by, thankfully with my brain disconnected. I suddenly realized by brain cashiered out on the game, and I don't know what time it is. Flip open the cell phone. I don't trust the wall clock to tell me the accurate time, but the cell phone always has the right time. 9:51. Wow! Only 9 more minutes and I'll hear her voice. 9 minutes. Ok, I can do this. I'm not going to go ape shit crazy after all! She's probably getting dressed now, cleaning up, saying goodbyes. Back to the game. Focus on the game. Make the time go by.

 

Back open the phone goes, and it's 9:58. Uhg. Nerves are dominant now, and I can't get back to the game. 10:00. Ding. Time is up. Call. I've got the cell phone and portable phone both with me at all times. Either one, I can answer immediately. Nothing. Ok, don't panic. Be prepared, but don't panic. Prepare. Ok, get the car seats out to the car and get them set. Hello car. Damn, where's my keys? Back inside, back outside, get the car seats in. Also go to figure out some blankets to go with them. I'll wait until 10:15. 10:15, I'll call. Is that too soon? Maybe they're still fucking and lost track of time. I don't want to interrupt them. Rush around, ...RING...RING....Oh my God please let it be her. IT IS. She calms my nerves, tells me everything is fine, needs my heart rather than me chewing on it. Asks if I'll be ready for her. She wants sex when she gets home. I'm so nervous it'll take a forklift. Ok, she'll be home in an hour. Stand down alert, figure out how to get your heart back down from triple time. Go back to game and try to defocus.

 

Home she is, and we start talking. After a while, I get the feeling I'm pulling teeth to get details from her of the evening. I stop trying to prod it out, and she clams up. Bump in the road,. we get past it she starts going into more details but still holds back. I can't handle this. Why is she holding back? I don't want to know. Let's go watch TV. Do something normal, and ignore this. Not a good reaction, but I can't handle this withdrawal, lack of easy willingness to talk in depth about it. She eventually goes into more depth, and the details come out.

 

I avoid telling her how I feel. I want her to tell me everything, how it went, how she feels. I'm unsure of my words, my feelings, and don't think I can speak clearly without putting a damper on the evening. We start fooling around We spend a lot of time in varieties of doggie position, and she's begging for more sex and wants me to cum. I want to face her, to kiss her, to hold her, to tell her how much I love her. I don't want to do doggie style right now, but it's making her happy. We eventually switch positions so I can see her. It's highly erotic to me that she wants to fuck Dave. Not wanting to color the moment, I don't mention anything about this or ask questions about how much she wants Dave. But, she brings him up so I figure it's fair game. She wants him very much, likes having him as a fuck toy and loves having his penis inside her. She tells me she told him how good it felt to be fucking him. Even now, when typing this, I find it erotic and my penis swells at the thought. I ask her how often she wants to fuck him, once a week twice a week and she can't answer that. I'm expecting her to say once a week or maybe more. She wants it now, wants it bad, wants Dave to play with and frequently. And again, my penis swells at the thought. We spend a lot more time having sex than we normally do, and she finally begs me to cum. Maybe she's sore. I cum, and it feels wonderful. My lady, my heart, my love.

 

I'm now a bit upset she hasn't asked question one about how I feel, how I felt the whole evening. I don't say anything. I want her to ask on her own. She goes into the bathroom, and I get her BC pill out. When she's removing makeup, she gets water on her naked front and I towel her off. I don't know if I'm successful or not, but it's an act of love and it means more to me to show the act of love than to actually remove the harmless water from her.

 

Off to bed we go, she'll go to sleep first, me later. I'm trying to get her to sleep now because it's very late, past 12:30 a.m. She wants to cuddle..oh wonderful! Lots of intimacy in that. I ask her if she feels like she's falling in love with him. She tells me emphatically no. The cuddling is close and emotional to me. We eventually stop and she goes to sleep. I am more upset that she has still not asked me how I felt at all. Maybe she's surmising how I felt based on how erotic I find it that she wants to fuck Dave. But, that's like asking the crouton how the entire salad feels. I try to sleep but have some anger. Why anger? I don't want this emotion. I want her to care about how I felt, but I don't want to push it on her. I don't want her to feel forced to ask me how I felt. I want it to come naturally. But, it didn't, and I'm disappointed. But, I'm very happy she had a wonderful evening, really enjoyed it, and wants to do it again.

 

####

(end of semi-stream of conscious writings)

 

If you're still reading at this point, you're nuts :)

 

My wife and I talked many more times about this evening in the days and weeks after it. She did ask me about my thoughts and feelings, and we discussed everything many times over.

 

She had a very pleasant evening with Dave. They had a fair bit of sex, both vaginal and oral in many positions, and a fair bit of talking. They spent the entire time naked, and mostly in bed. We'll be meeting up with Dave again in the future (we haven't had a play date with him since) but schedules have gotten in the way again. My wife wants very much to have sex with him again, and I want her to have sex with him again too.

 

Solo? We're not sure. We're going to try again, we just don't know when or with whom, whether it's Dave or someone else. I had way too many jitters the first time, and from the writing above you can tell a lot of it was silly stuff. I need to get past it. If my wife and I both feel it is good for us together and individually, we'll do it again. If it gets better, we'll keep trying it. If not, then we'll probably just swing together. But, we'll definitely keep swinging.

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Thanks for writing that. I think it perfectly summizes the entire venue from a male perspective.

 

It was great to read....even though I guess I am nuts... :)

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I would stay clear from the phone call during the middle. let her get into the mood and enjoy the experience. that is what she is there for after all right?

 

 

I think weatenan gave some great advice. I see that I'm a bit late chimming in, oh well.

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her toy. I've been through bootcamp. I've been through nine weeks of structured hell. I've been through tear gas. I've been through fire that would kill you in seconds if you didn't know what you're doing. I've been on a dark ship intentionally being sunk.

 

Im late to this party, but it was worth a bump! Thats a great piece of writing and I guess I too am nuts, b/c I read it eagerly right through!

 

I had to quote this bit though... Is this all actually true? That is just completely badass :cool: Is that sunken ship drill Navy? Thats hardcore.

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Thanks for writing that. I think it perfectly summizes the entire venue from a male perspective.

It was great to read....even though I guess I am nuts... :)

 

Thats pretty much how I feel too. Your writing captured my feelings the first time my wife played without me almost to the T, especially the wrestling with emotions that arnt what you want and can justify logiclly. Thank you for posting this!

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I went thru Naval Boot Camp.

 

This is true. However a watered down depiction of my personal memories of it.

 

I actually thought I was going to die in that fire....I was the nozzel man on a 6 man hose team heading into a huge concrete bunker that had a sunken floor filled with diesel fuel covered with a grated walkway. They set that diesel fuel on fire and the whole inside of that building was aflame and 4 hose teams went in from 4 sides to put it out. We literally had to proceed by walking over the fire, putting it out as we went.

 

One of the instructions I remember the most was that if the nozzel man got killed or incapacitated, it was the second man on the hose that took his position and so on.....fun? Maybe if your like the 3rd man down the hose....

 

To this day I maintain 5 or 6 fire extinguishers in my home, I have 4 extinguishers in each of my stores.....

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Im late to this party, but it was worth a bump! Thats a great piece of writing and I guess I too am nuts, b/c I read it eagerly right through!

 

I had to quote this bit though... Is this all actually true? That is just completely badass :cool: Is that sunken ship drill Navy? Thats hardcore.

 

Thanks for the compliments (and to Rackir too!).

 

Yes, the USN has a damage control school (or at least did) at the Norfolk Naval Base. There's lots of simulators around the navy. This one had a nearly pool sized "ship" in an olympic size swimming pool as one of the simulators. Your group's job was to get onboard, familiarize yourself with the "ship", where damage control lockers were, materials, etc. Once that was done, you're back up on deck to begin the exercise. They then begin to intentionally sink the ship. Your group's job is to stop it from reaching the bottom of the pool.

 

I found video on the net from a similar simulator, but it doesn't show what I experience. In the simulations I went through, only emergency lighting was available. It's more realistic, and certainly adds to the environmental complexity.

 

The U.S. military (and many advanced militaries around the world) routinely train in scenarios as close to the real thing as possible without getting people hurt in the process. The closer to the the real thing the training is, the more likely you are to be successful when it's not a drill.

 

Additude noted the fire he went through as part of his training. I did something similar a number of times. It's not easy, and you have to trust the people you are working with. Yes, it's a controlled burn, but it's not enough to know that in the back of your head there's someone to bail you out because it's a simulation. When you're faced with fire, your brain doesn't tend to think of such things. Instead, it thinks "CRAP! FIRE! RUN!" and then "Wait a minute, we're going IN there? YOU'RE NUTS!" :lol: They do the simulators because when you're at sea on a ship, you can't call 911. You ARE 911. If you don't save the ship and your shipmates, no one will.

 

I've wondered before if the people who run the simulators are volunteers who checked the box marked "I'm a sadistic bastard who likes seeing people suffer". The tear gas one especially was a real pain in the everywhere.

 

-MWP

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I don't post here much. Sorry for not updating things as we've gone along.

 

Relative to this thread, my wife and I are probably going to try her playing solo again (and VERY likely with Dave). We've had a number of discussions about it recently. Neither of us felt the first time was as good as it could have been. But we ascribed a lot of that to first time jitters. I certainly had a lot of them.

 

When not confronted with the situation right up front (her being gone to play solo), I very much want her to have a man on the side (if that is what she wants, and she does). I absolutely do not view myself as a cuckold, and neither does she. We're just working to have a situation where she is happy as a clam in mud in terms of her swing/sex life. I know, and have expressed, that with additional times that she plays solo, I'll feel increasingly more comfortable.

 

In many ways it's no different than her going out with friend(s) of hers for whatever. It's time not spent with me that makes her happy. Yes, while off not spending time with me in this case she's having sex with someone else. But, she still comes home to me, loves me, wants me, needs me, and has no interest in replacing me. So from a logical perspective, nothing to fear. I can easily wrap my head around that.

 

Overtime, with her playing solo more often, I do think I'll be more comfortable with it (and she as well). If not, we'll re-evaluate.

 

If she does play solo again and people are interested, I can update this thread again. Not begging for attention here :) just not much point in posting a blow by blow if there's no interest.

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If she does play solo again and people are interested, I can update this thread again. Not begging for attention here :) just not much point in posting a blow by blow if there's no interest.

 

Definitely come back and post, whether it is good or bad. It's what helps others along when they are facing the same issues.

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wants, and she does). I absolutely do not view myself as a cuckold, and neither does she. We're just working to have a situation where she is happy as a clam in mud in terms of her swing/sex life. I know, and have expressed, that with additional times that she plays solo, I'll feel increasingly more comfortable.

 

This term is really loaded. Don't get hung up on/worry about labels. Not saying you are, but it's interesting you brought that up. The most extreme modern sexuality definition of this term is something you choose to apply to yourself. So no matter what lifestyle you're living, you're not a "cuckold" (as it is currently used in terms of alternative lifestyles) unless that is what you want to be (and to me, this is really a BDSM thing)

 

In many ways it's no different than her going out with friend(s) of hers for whatever. It's time not spent with me that makes her happy. Yes, while off not spending time with me in this case she's having sex with someone else. But, she still comes home to me, loves me, wants me, needs me, and has no interest in replacing me. So from a logical perspective, nothing to fear. I can easily wrap my head around that.

 

That's a pretty big difference though! Unless she has some wild gal pals :lol: Seriously though, I would say just take it slow and keep the lines of communication strong. You don't sound 100% convinced yet (you may be, and I may be reading into this, granted) and if you aren't, there's nothing wrong with that. Just make sure that she is completely onboard with the idea that you need to remain comfortable with this and it has to go at your pace (even if that means a full stop at some point). I think when only one person is out "doing", things can become tricky. It's hard for them to stop (I mean it's a great situation right? no risk all reward :D)

 

You guys are experienced so it shouldn't be a problem, but it never hurts to keep talking things through.

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Hi, Petra here. Both hubby and I play alone frequently and your post captures my emotions well. Waiting and watching bring out strong, but different responses from me. Waiting starts "What are they doing?" thoughts while watching is a "Look at how much he is enjoying her" feelings. Both are strong, different variations on jealousy that are extremely enjoyable in the way a terrified kid gets off the rollercoaster and says, "Can we do that again." No matter how inadequate, jealous, deprived (as well as turned on, excited, happy) I get, it's always "Can we do that again?"

 

Hubby on the other hand is so cool about it whether he's there to watch or I spend the night with my bf. For him it's always, "Are you doing OK, was it fun?" If I want to talk about details or not, he's fine with it. I always want details.

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Really enjoyed reading this thread. My wife and I are new to the LS and I would like to progress to her playing alone. Your perspective has been a lot of help

 

 

Thanks

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mwp: Excellent set of posts. As I once said to my buddies in group therapy: "It's always nice to know that you're just as crazy as the next guy." :D

 

I posted about a week back about the expectations and feelings around my wife's first solo date. It didn't go through, and I'm still not sure if that was good or bad, either. I wasn't as nervous as you, but maybe only because I'm absolutely certain that I would get to know all the details. Don't know really.

 

Anyway, your stream of consciousness is really in synch with what I've gone through myself, and with other swinger friends I've talked about it with. Interestingly, all of the LS friends that described it the way you did have been solo playing successfully for years now, while the ones that weren't as nervous, or didn't want to admit it, either stopped doing it or tend to have problems doing it.

 

Thanks for sharing

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      Then one day two years ago we were having a few drinks and watching porn. We watch all kinds of porn. That night we were watching some really good gangbangs. Curiously, I turn to my wife and asked her if she ever thought about swinging and group sex. If it ever crossed her mind. Surprisingly, she looked at me and said she’s been thinking about it for while. So we ended up talking about swinging and group sex for hours. We got online and read stories on experiences about swinging and group sex. The pros and cons. It turned me on taking about it but at the same time I got a crazy feeling in my stomach. Nerves I guess.
       
      So to make a very long story short we ended up having an open marriage and took up swinging. We both decided to have (safe) sex with other people until we felt comfortable on having our first group sex. All this took very long planning and preparing, especially mentally.
       
      Finally last November we planned out her first group sex. We carefully selected three familiar friends to join in the fun. Of course they decided to do it and agreed on our rules.
       
      So, it finally happened that November night. I really enjoyed watching my wife get screwed by more than one man. She had the time of her life. She had multiple orgasms one after another. The crazy feeling never left my stomach but I really enjoyed watching though. After the guys left we kicked back and talked about our experience. Then we go back about agreeing on what we’re doing and never to do it without the other knowing. We keep an oath of trust. Every time we have a date with someone we let each other know. It’s always planned out days in advance so it will never interfere with our personal lives. We have a great understanding.
       
      Since last November she’s been involved in several group sex averaging 3-4 guys each time. Of course I joined in most of the time. Lots of lube is needed. But now she wants to go a little further. She wants to do a gangbang of 6-8 guys. Seriously.
       
      Lately she’s been playing with large toys to get her vagina ready. She wants to try double-vaginal penetration. I’ve been preparing her by inserting a dildo in her while I’m inside. Very carefully with lots of lube. We practice every time we have sex. She even carefully inserts a large thick toy in her vagina while watching a movie and keeps it in there. Yes, our sexual curiosities has increased tremendously. My wife wants to explore even more and I’m all in.
       
      Well the day we both have been looking forward too occurred this past weekend. We managed to round up 7 guys for an all night gangbang. It involved a lot of planning and phone calls. We’ve noticed that guys will be all in at first then drop out later. But eventually we got things going. That night when everyone arrived she was kinda nervous but excited to have that many cocks at once. Most of all, she finally had double penetration in her vagina from two guys for the first time. The strange thing I seemed more nervous than her. Lol But she absolutely enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed watching her. She came hard many times. She doesn’t like anal so that wasn’t attempted.
       
      So after joining in all the fun and after almost two hours of great sex we had the grand finale. My sexy wife knelt down and we all gave her an awesome bukkake. Her face was drenched with cum. It was one heck of a hot night. After everyone left we took a long shower and stayed up almost all night talking about it. We were both so turned on that we were already making plans for the next one. But we are gonna take a break for about three weeks. It’s just going to be me and her for now.
       
      Yesterday she mentioned about having a messy cum sex in the near future after watching a great creampie movie. I was like, a messy cum sex? She asked me what I would think about her having a messy gooey bukkake and creampie night. Having about 4 guys cum all over her face while 4 guys cum inside her. Then rubbing the cum all over her breasts. Man, just listening to her drove me crazy. My wife was willing to be explosive. But that would take lots of planning because we are very cautious. My wife cannot get pregnant anymore so that’s really something we don’t have to worry about. It’s about the unprotected sex. We do know many cool friends well enough that we can trust but still we must remain careful. Yet, I’m sure it’s gonna happen very soon.
       
      I’ve been asked if we have taken it too far. If there’s actually any sign of regrets. Some close friends wonder about my wife wanting too much now. Our answer is no because we enjoy it and have a deep understanding and trust. We are responsible adults and are having fun. We first talk about what we’re going to do and have to both agree 100%. Any sign of doubt from either side we will not do it. We are friends with our sex partners but no feelings are involved or ever shared. We have proven that to ourselves already.
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