Why is cheating more acceptable than swinging?

[Chitowndk4u 32]

I ask this question because as I talk to more people outside of the lifestyle, I find they when the subject of swinging comes up, people react rather negatively.

 

But those same people have no problem cheating on their spouses/SO's and so forth.

 

I have had my share of indiscretions, so I am no saint.

 

I just feel people judge swinging more harshly than cheating and I feel it is more based on so called religious teachings (bigotry, judgment, abandonment, shunning) rather than a person own conclusions.

 

I could be wrong.

 

But while I live as a vanilla person, my mind is in the lifestyle, always has been, always will be.

 

My own experiences in the lifestyle that I have had have all been positive one's, even the last one which was a full swap (been in 3somes previously).

 

I feel if more people were to open their minds and try to understand (even if they don't participate), rather than cast judgment on those that do.

 

What say you?

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here-- Cheating is preferred because it's sex between two people only. That is what makes the difference. Swinging sex involves multiple partners and most 'vanilla' minds absolutely cannot wrap their mind around it.

 

I have even suggested," Why cheat, get a 'permission slip' for sex," in short have an open marriage when this topic comes up occasionally. Again, 'vanilla' minds cannot deal honestly with sex in this way.

 

Cheating sex is the most self destructive form of sexual expression I have ever seen. Cheating sex does not come from a positive place. It comes from a place of anger, revenge, frustration and worse. It never comes from love or communication. Though, at times, the parties involved may convince themselves of such.

 

The simple fact is people prefer games to dealing with things truthfully. Dealing with things truthfully requires a great deal of work and people simple are too lazy. What they don't realize is that an honest life is much easier than one with games. With games they may get what they want, they do not get anything meaningful.

[Chitowndk4u 32]

I hear you on that.

 

In my experience in life, I have been cheated on and have cheated and have seen my family members cheat on their s/o's and so forth.

 

Since we have swapped and participated in the lifestyle, I can see how destructive cheating is, as compared to the fun of seeing your partner being pleasured while you're doing the same to theirs.

 

When I was younger, I shed myself of those jealous feelings as I just figured that people are going to do what they are going to do, so why try to stop them?

 

I feel if people would deal with sex more openly and honestly, instead of those archaic dogmas of society, I think we would have a better society as a whole.

[Alura 2,774]

I think cheating is more acceptable because it's more common. More people cheat than swing. People tend to accept that which they do.

[Trace Ekies 186]

The reactions we've received have been similar to the OP. We had the BF of Mrs. Ekies best vanilla friend, who'd been caught cheating in the flesh twice, come apart like a cheap suit when he learned that we swing.

 

He got so uptight that he left...

 

As stated before, he just couldn't get his head around her being pleasured while he was being pleasured but he had no problem with finding a piece on the side. Twice.

 

One vanilla friend said, "You're one of THOSE people?". The tone was what I would expect if she'd found out we were terrorists not sport-fuckers. She'd been cheated on by several boyfriends (she makes bad choices) and couldn't understand how we could do such a thing. When I told her it was for fun, she had an epiphany and got her head around it.

 

Why is cheating so easily accepted while what we do is not? I haven't the foggiest idea...I can't imagine having a problem with someone who makes a sound choice for all involved even if it's not my cup of tea. See Scat Play for an example. DEFINITELY not my cup of tea but if all parties involved are hip, more power to'em.

PS...did I get within a mile of answering the question?

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

I think one potential reason for the difference in treatment is based on prior experience and conditioning.

 

Reality; ask a thousand people if they've heard of the concept of cheating, and a thousand would say yes. Ask the same thousand if they know what swinging means, and most will give you blank stares.

 

Most people just do not have an understanding of swinging. They're lost on first contact with it, and have limited basis to wrap their brains around it. When they have first personal contact with cheating, they might be horrified but they at least have heard of it before. They have tools to handle cheating, but not swinging.

 

There's also the aspect that cheating is almost universally viewed as negative. Even the moralistic, Bible thumping types can feel (relatively) at ease about cheating. "Ok, that person cheated. Nobody thinks it is right, even the cheater. We're still good. The moral laws are being upheld". Try that with swinging "AAAAIIIEEE!!!! They don't think it's wrong!"

 

Cheating can be neatly packaged into a box that says "wrong". Swinging can't. Even though the physical act of cheating is similar to the physical act of swinging, they are worlds apart and lack in the way of common basis.

[Chitowndk4u 32]

The reactions we've received have been similar to the OP. We had the BF of Mrs. Ekies best vanilla friend, who'd been caught cheating in the flesh twice, come apart like a cheap suit when he learned that we swing.

 

He got so uptight that he left...

 

As stated before, he just couldn't get his head around her being pleasured while he was being pleasured but he had no problem with finding a piece on the side. Twice.

 

One vanilla friend said, "You're one of THOSE people?". The tone was what I would expect if she'd found out we were terrorists not sport-fuckers. She'd been cheated on by several boyfriends (she makes bad choices) and couldn't understand how we could do such a thing. When I told her it was for fun, she had an epiphany and got her head around it.

 

Why is cheating so easily accepted while what we do is not? I haven't the foggiest idea...I can't imagine having a problem with someone who makes a sound choice for all involved even if it's not my cup of tea. See Scat Play for an example. DEFINITELY not my cup of tea but if all parties involved are hip, more power to'em.

Actually, your reply was very insightful.

 

Lifestylers are more common than vanilla people think, they are just more discreet about what they do.

 

My wife for example, doesn't really know how many swingers there are in the world. While I don't try to force it on her, I would love for her to come to the board, post questions or even read through some of the things that are posted here.

 

This board has been very good in helping me understand more about the lifestyle than I thought it would. I have found the people here helpful and a joy to associate with in my short time being here. I feel if she saw what I saw, she would at the very least understand it a bit more. And she has actually participated in it.

 

I feel we as a people (race unimportant) have been conditioned to feel a certain way about certain things.

 

Please don't get upset with me Julie. I am African American and I have found that white people are way more sexually liberated than we are. Black folks are getting into the lifestyle more as of recent, but white folks are light years ahead of us. To me this is due to religious upbringing.

 

Not saying one is more religious than the other, the difference is we take things way too literally as opposed to everyone else. So, in our society, swinging is almost a no no. Ironically cheating is rampant.

 

Please don't get mad at me for stating that.

 

I just don't feel vanilla people have any clue how much they are missing out on by cheating on their s/o's instead of enjoy sexual play together.

[Chitowndk4u 32]

I think one potential reason for the difference in treatment is based on prior experience and conditioning.

 

Reality; ask a thousand people if they've heard of the concept of cheating, and a thousand would say yes. Ask the same thousand if they know what swinging means, and most will give you blank stares.

 

Most people just do not have an understanding of swinging. They're lost on first contact with it, and have limited basis to wrap their brains around it. When they have first personal contact with cheating, they might be horrified but they at least have heard of it before. They have tools to handle cheating, but not swinging.

 

There's also the aspect that cheating is almost universally viewed as negative. Even the moralistic, Bible thumping types can feel (relatively) at ease about cheating. "Ok, that person cheated. Nobody thinks it is right, even the cheater. We're still good. The moral laws are being upheld". Try that with swinging "AAAAIIIEEE!!!! They don't think it's wrong!"

 

Cheating can be neatly packaged into a box that says "wrong". Swinging can't. Even though the physical act of cheating is similar to the physical act of swinging, they are worlds apart and lack in the way of common basis.

This is agree with.

 

I asked this to a person i just had a conversation with. This person says she wanted to have person that didn't want to share her, yet she cheated on her BF every chance she got. Still does. So, in essence she is sharing herself without her bf's permission.

 

So I asked her: What is more acceptable, sleeping with someone without your s/o's knowledge, or having sex with your s/o right there doing the same?

 

No answer.

 

I just think it's wild that people can judge swinging negatively, yet can come up with all kinds of reasons to justify cheating which is more hurtful and destructive to a relationship.

[lustylearning 705]

I think swinging is judged more harshly than cheating because if someone cheats, the judge can maintain the illusion that monogamy is sacred by reasoning that the cheater is just with the wrong person or isn't trying hard enough. Swinging, on the other hand, flies in the face of the belief that monogamy is morally correct. Hehehe - one can be forgiven, while the other cannot.

[Chitowndk4u 32]

Yeah I hear that.

 

People need to lighten up, don't you think?

 

If we were to free our minds, just imagine what we could do.

[sexcupid 809]

This is agree with.

 

I asked this to a person i just had a conversation with. This person says she wanted to have person that didn't want to share her, yet she cheated on her BF every chance she got. Still does. So, in essence she is sharing herself without her bf's permission.

 

So I asked her: What is more acceptable, sleeping with someone without your s/o's knowledge, or having sex with your s/o right there doing the same?

 

No answer.

 

I just think it's wild that people can judge swinging negatively, yet can come up with all kinds of reasons to justify cheating which is more hurtful and destructive to a relationship.

 

 

My thought on your conversation with your friend is this: most people don't want to share. They want to get what is benificial for themselves, but don't want to give their partner equal opportunity (unless her BF is also cheating, then she would probably be crying about that too...even though she's doing the same thing...I do love irony ).

 

Why do you think most guys are all for having a threesome with another girl...but if their wife/gf wants a threesome with a guy, it would be a cold day in hell before that happens.

 

Most people tend to look out for number 1...I really don't think that swingers are all that different...it's just that things are happening in an open arena and there are opportunities to discuss what is going on.

 

Perhaps white folks are just a bunch of perverts... I'll count myself in that number, thanks. lol

[JandY 61]

Remembering back to before I got interested in the lifestyle.

 

In those halcyon days when I believed that any love less than the eternal type was not love at all.

 

When I looked down my nose at anyone who even talked of infidelity (I kid you not, I used to sit in the works canteen and listen to the older guys discussing their fantasies regarding any female from the lofty heights of Farrah Fawcett down to the office cleaner and I pitied them for not being fulfilled and satisfied with their partner/s).

 

I'd heard of "wife-swapping" and just could not get my head around it.

 

In my mind, any couple who would do such a thing must be made up of a seriously scummy male pervert and a slut of a wife who would screw any complete stranger who asked her.

 

"Ordinary" folk don't look to cheat. It just happens. Chemistry and all that (yer rite).

 

Whereas "Swingers" are considered to be predatory (would you go to the bathroom and leave your spouse in the company of a couple of known swingers and not expect them to try and pervert him/her in the brief few minutes that you were gone?).

 

Only once you experience what we have do you realise that swingers are not by default promiscuous. At least no more so than non-swingers. We certainly are not.

 

But that's what "they" think (all the while harbouring a secret envy, in many cases - and in our opinion).

 

There are a heck of a lot more gays and closet gays out there than we probably realise. There are probably a heck of a lot more swingers and closet swingers out there than we probably realise.

 

Truth is, we know a few swingers that we haven't "come-out" to, because we don't want them to get the wrong idea (like it's "game-on"), or because we have nothing else in common and don't particularly feel the need to share a common interest or for a variety of other reasons. Chances are that some swingers know that we are, but don't declare themselves, either.

 

As others have said above, there's also an honesty issue going on here.

 

Cheats always have an excuse. "I wasn't getting any attention" or "I never meant it to happen, it just did" or "I had a moment of madness" etc.

 

Swingers don't make excuses that make it easier for the listener and non-swingers are uncomfortable with our lack of apology.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Why do you think most guys are all for having a threesome with another girl...but if their wife/gf wants a threesome with a guy, it would be a cold day in hell before that happens.

 

I guess I'm not most guys I get a serious thrill watching my wife in action, hearing her moans while she's having sex with another man in a MFM threesome.

 

In my case, looking out for #1 is looking out for the stunning relationship I have with my wife.

[Speed & Trixie 163]

Honestly, I think cheating is just easier. It's the lazy way to have more sex.

 

Think about when y'all first started even THINKING about swinging -- the talking, the constant "what if" questions, deciding on "rules" and what's ok/ what's not. It can take months or YEARS for a healthy, happy couple to finally feel like they're ready to actually go meet people.

 

Cheating, on the other hand, simply requires getting another single person to fuck you (the cheater). No communication with your spouse required. Hell, some people get a thrill from having a "secret" like that. (IMHO, it's more fun when you and your SO SHARE the secret...)

 

People are basically lazy (in general) and aren't going to do the work required to be successful swingers. There is very little work required in cheating -- any jerk can go out and get laid.

[realcplub2 513]

Greetings folks, interesting conversation.

 

There are clear and distinct differences between cheating and this lifestyle.

 

HOWEVER we are also an overlap of sorts, in that many claim to be swinging single when they are married, and need discretion.

 

Cheating on a spouse or significant other is really in many ways the complete opposite of what we in this lifestyle do. As was pointed out above, cheaters engage in what they do for SELF PLEASURE. For whatever their reasons.

 

Over the years we have been approached by countless single males who have used any one if not more of the lines like:

 

"She isn't into it"

 

"She just wouldn't understand"

 

"I like things she just doesn't"

 

Let's face the facts here, most of us in the lifestyle do this because we want to, and we share our adventures with the one we love the most. We can laugh about how great a night was together, remember about how hot it was when we did this or that.

 

While cheaters do this behind the backs of those that "just wouldn't understand" and while at the end of the night they MAY go home... they can't share anything because Ooops, you're busted.

 

In the end cheaters use all sorts of excuses why they do it/did it... but the real reason is they are selfish looking for their own thrill.

[Chitowndk4u 32]

Thanks guys for the insightful comments. Keep them coming as I am learning a lot from you guys.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Why is cheating more acceptable than swinging?

 

I believe that most people can see their self as a cheater so it is more accepted in the normal world. Most people in some form or fashion are cheaters or liars within their life and can deal with that.

 

Most can not handle the idea of being totally honest with their spouse or most anyone else. They can not accept that idea of telling their spouse, "Hey, I want to boink the neighbor and would love it if you would watch and join in." That is just plain sick to most people.

 

Hard for people to grasp life as being so simple when they can cheat and lie about it instead.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Yeah I hear that.

 

People need to lighten up, don't you think?

 

If we were to free our minds, just imagine what we could do.

 

People have no framework to understand swinging. Understanding cheating, on the other hand, requires no paradigm shift. A few other posters have said the same thing and I agree. Because there is no framework, people are afraid. It's like staring into a void. Incomprehensible. If monogamy isn't the ideal, the good, the right, then we have no way of knowing what is okay! At least, until we free our minds...

[JandY 61]

Why do you think most guys are all for having a threesome with another girl...but if their wife/gf wants a threesome with a guy, it would be a cold day in hell before that happens.

 

Can't speak for everyone, but we couldn't disagree more with that. Both girls, in our "Ménage à Quatro" have honestly stated that in a Ménage à Trois scenario they prefer to each have both of us guys to themself over being with one guy and the other girl. Both of us males agree that we also prefer the two guys to one girl situation. It's incredibly hot, to us, to double-up on each of the girls and it may sound twee, but there's a lot of pleasure to be gleaned from giving. Plus, we lads already know what a pair of perverts we are (as are most of the men we've ever known) so it's sort of novel and exciting to discover just how perverted the girls can be, too.

 

Most people tend to look out for number 1...I really don't think that swingers are all that different...

 

You may be right but, as above, the more we give the more we get and it's usually in our own interest to look out for number one by taking care of and helping others achieve their own satisfaction.

 

Perhaps white folks are just a bunch of perverts... I'll count myself in that number, thanks. lol

 

A heck of a lot more gangbang based porno films feature a bunch of "perverted" black guys than white (with "perverted" girls of all race and creed). But if proportional representative measuring techniques were used, we'd probably find that the scales of perversion - according to race or skin-tone - would be roughly equally balanced.

[normals 21]

I love my wife more than life itself.

 

Neither of us have ever had sex with anyone else. (we were early childhood sweethearts)

 

I would like to experience the thrill of more people but there is no way I could do it without her involved. That would be dishonest and well...cheating.

 

I would also like to see and help her achieve as much sexual pleasure as is possible and believe that with help we could take her to new heights. This would be honest exciting and mutual.

 

We are working towards out goal with lots of communication and whether we get there or not it will be mutual.

 

I suspect that those who cheat have not really found TRUE LOVE but only a another person that they can live with and use for their own pleasure. Thus they have the capacity to cheat because they love themselves and their pleasure more than their partner.

 

The depth of love and trust and communication to be able to entertain or engage in recreational sex is not as common as the fairy tales would have us believe.

 

Combine this with the religious difficulties of not having a "cheater" to frown upon (BBARNSWORTH) and "anything that is sexy and fun must be a sin", the vanilla world really has a problem that is their decision to live with.

 

Then because the collective decision is therefore that swinging is in their mind is bad they are critical of people who don’t have a closed mind on their collective decision because it casts doubt on the decision and nobody likes to be wrong.

 

And it takes no courage to “go with the flow”.

 

 

 

 

 

Our second post!!

[JandY 61]

 

Combine this with the religious difficulties of not having a "cheater " to frown upon (BBARNSWORTH) and "anything that is sexy and fun must be a sin", the vanilla world really has a problem that is their decision to live with.

 

And it takes no courage to “go with the flow”.

 

Swingers – Happy, Safe, Healthy, Well Adjusted, Mainstream Americans

[sweet_tna 680]

Why is cheating more socially acceptable? I think it's a combination of things, actually.

 

1) It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

2) Cheating can easily be labeled as morally wrong. Swinging cannot.

**And this is the big one**

3) A lot of cheating isn't purely sexual. As often as not, there's a strong emotional attachment to the "other man/woman". This is something that most (non-poly) swingers avoid. But people can more easily swallow the thought of someone cheating on their spouse because they fell in love with someone else.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

3) A lot of cheating isn't purely sexual. As often as not, there's a strong emotional attachment to the "other man/woman". This is something that most (non-poly) swingers avoid. But people can more easily swallow the thought of someone cheating on their spouse because they fell in love with someone else.

 

Exactly. It's also easier for some to forgive such an indiscretion of someone they know, because "they're human, after all", they just fell for the wrong person / were lonely / stressed / whatever. It's easy to explain away how someone could make a mistake.

 

But swinging? It's a choice that a couple makes together to be sexually active with others. I would say most just cannot fathom the idea that it is a willing act.

[sexcupid 809]

The OP referred to a conversation with a cheater that is of the vanilla persuasion...my comments about most people looking out for #1 and most guys being gung-ho about a FMF but wouldn't dare want their wife/gf to have a MFM were made with a vanilla perspective in mind. Perhaps I did not make that clear enough in my original reply.

 

Again, I will stand by the general societal standard that cheating...while not okay...is definitely a more socially acceptable activity that partner swapping...be it because of the prevalent religious overtones and teachings in our society or perhaps it's a patriarchal thing...men can do as they please (it's practically expected) and wives just sit back and take it.

 

Reminds me of the Oprah episode on cheaters...they interviewed the husbands and wives separately (these were couples that stayed together after the infidelity) and all of the husbands stated that if their wives had been the one to cheat they would have left her.

 

I don't see that swinging will become a mainstream lifestyle anytime in this country...while it can be viewed as everything from awesome/quaint/horrible...we're working against of a few thousand years of what is "normal"/acceptable to the public at large. Just live your life in the way that works best for you.

[sereneiders 263]

I believe we're making a "leap jump" here when mentioning the cheating, and it is to suppose gender makes no difference, and to attempt to dissociate the whole thing from the impact our culture has after thousands of years of human history.

 

I strongly believe many aspects of the behavior imposed by our culture comes after an existential problem the men (the males, not the females) faced and faces: the only concrete an visible legacy most people leaves after passing away are "their" children, and the word is quoted because it is the key of the problem.

 

No one doubts about whose woman's kids are "their" children because we all can see women deliver them, but fatherhood is a wholly different matter: everyone is able to question whether a kid is really some man children, even the same man. Until very recently with DNA tests, there was no way to accurately answer this question (and so recently that it still has no impact in our "cultural take" about this problem), so motherhood is a matter of concrete facts, while fatherhood is a matter of faith.

 

I believe a lot of the "proper behavior" was, and still is, meant to support and reinforce this faith, and it is centered around our sexuality, because also until recently with the fertility controls, most sexual activities were leading to pregnancy. We can see the traces of this reinforcement operation in the children's last names that comes after the father one (often exclusively), the marriage vows, and the way "good girls" are supposed to behave and what they're supposed to expect from life. As to reinforce this faith, along history women became a good to exchange among families, from being locked into their parents house, to be locked into their husbands houses, controlling every aspect of their sexuality, even from the language hegemony:

 

Only women can be sluts or whores, there are no similar term for the males, and those words are used to tag women whose behavior could risk this reinforcement effort. Even being the "son of a bitch" becomes an insult, the whole thing to be able to tell apart "good" from "bad" women. The good ones are those suitable to be objects and become a man property, for him to "own" her "child delivering" capabilities, since if you own an object you also own it function, in this case, the one "solving" your existential problem.

 

Thus, cheating isn't so ill seen because it's expected to happen between husbands (males) and sluts or whores (bad women), and even when performed by a women, it must be a concealed act that doesn't publicly disrupt this "principle of reinforcement"... otherwise the woman in question is outcasted and becomes herself a slut.

 

But swinging is something that collides and threatens the faith required to reinforce the fatherhood: wives are allowed to have intercourse with many men, and we encourage this behavior. If this were becoming something "normal", no men would be safe in the face of earth with their beliefs about being their children father, and even if they were by means of DNA tests, those test should be made public or other people may still disbelief, which actually would deprive him from his legacy anyway.

 

Notice that, for the legacy judgment it worths almost nothing the private convictions people (men) have, but the convictions from the others, the rest of the society (people with convictions against the society ones are devious or even crazy).

 

So swinging pushes men to look for other ways to deal with their own existential problems, and this is very uncomfortable.

[realcplub2 513]

Y'know after reading the rest of this thread, there is one clear cut and blatant difference between swinging and cheating... and it also answers why cheating is more acceptable and swinging isn't:

 

Much the same as Jack Nickolson in a Few Good Men, the rest of the world can't handle the truth.

 

While yes we may lead two separate lives, our vanilla lives and our swinging lives, it bothers the mainstream that we can be great friends, fantastic people, etc. but when they find out we are swingers, we can be labeled by those same great friends that held us on their shoulders as depraved. And why? Because we weren't honest with the Vanillas.

 

So what's the one major difference?

 

In a swinging relationship that really works, what is the one thing that we as couple share with our significant other?

 

HONESTY

 

When we speak to new folks the one thing we express over and over again with our prospective playmates is "We are Open and Honest about whatever you want to know, with those we wish to call friends".

 

By definition, Cheaters aren't HONEST. Oh they may be HONEST about what they want, but that is the extent of it.

[Mr.Essex 264]

My opinion: Cheating is more acceptable than swinging for 1 major reason-People like to feel like a victim. Swingers (for the most part) have accepted certain truths about themselves and have thrown off the sex/guilt paradigm. A non-swinger/open-minded couple would rather have the moral cover than admit that they're incapable/unable/unwilling to meet their partner's needs.

 

Case 1: man cheats on wife.

 

Wife: "He fucked some bitch!"

Friends: "That bastard!"

Unfaithfulness makes her the victim of a lecherous man.

 

Husband: "She hasn't let me do anything besides kiss her cheek in three years. Except for a 5 minute anniversary fuck. And if I don't come, then that's it for me!"

Friends: "Shit, that's fucked up. Once a year? What did she expect you to do, just dry up or explode!?"

Unfaithfulness due to lack of consortium makes him the victim of a frigid wife.

 

Case 2: wife cheats on husband

 

Husband: "I can't believe that she'd do that! I do everything for her, work all of those damned 12+ hour days so she doesn't have to do anything!"

Friends: "She's a whore, bud!"

 

Wife: "He's always too tired to do anything, and his stamina has dropped as he got older. And it's just in and out, nothing else, ever!"

Friends: "How inconsiderate. Just taking his own pleasure and leaving you frustrated. What a bastard, treating you like a blow-up doll!"

 

Sound familiar? No matter how "heinous" the behavior of either party, that person can always convince their friends (old and new) that they're the victim. And by being a victim, they can assuage the society-conditioned guilt of not being faithful. It's not about being faithful, it's about keeping up appearances.

 

By embracing the open relationship/swinging lifestyle, a couple is breaking that chain. They're saying that society is wrong, that it's needs and requirements for harmony aren't sufficient for their needs, and that they can do better. And for a lot of people, bucking standard trends is a major no-no. An "arrangement" may be accepted (he says nothing about having 4 brunette children and 1 redhead, or she ignores a random make-up smear on his shirt if his trip lasted longer than 2 weeks), but open acceptance is intolerable.

[Shynquiet 16]

I just feel people judge swinging more harshly than cheating and I feel it is more based on so called religious teachings (bigotry, judgment, abandonment, shunning) rather than a person own conclusions.

 

 

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't adultry/cheating still considered a sin in most churches? It's part of the 10 commandments (i.e. Neither shall you commit adultery.)

[lizandtom 512]

Mr. Essex, you hit it right on the head. I'd like to add two cents. I also believe that swinging is not accepted among the majority due to envy. Most can't handle the emotional jealousy, nor have a spouse that would be open to the principles of swinging, so it automatically categorizes the notion of swinging as indulging in decadent behaviour akin to those in the Roman empire; drinking, orgies, decadence, etc. Fun times to you and us, but for those not able to live the 'life is short party now' theme, they are envious of a good time, even if handled responsibly as parents, upstanding community members, etc.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't adultry/cheating still considered a sin in most churches? It's part of the 10 commandments (i.e. Neither shall you commit adultery.)

 

Equating Adultery to Cheating may not be entirely historically accurate. They are not at all the same words.

[Spoomonkey 421]

My opinion: Cheating is more acceptable than swinging for 1 major reason-People like to feel like a victim.

 

That is an interesting, thought-provoking opinion and an excellent case. Really, really good response!

[WesternSwing 504]

I think cheating is more acceptable for several reasons:

 

1) "Everyone cheats". At least people accept that. Between 50% to 60% of all relationships will experience at least one member cheating. Everyone has known someone who has been cheated on. It seems to be an accepted fact of relationships, even though you never think it will happen to you. Cheating is "natural". Having permission to have sex with someone besides your spouse is not. The way we are brought-up to possess and own things closes-off our minds to the idea of sharing. You share things of little value to you, but hoard things of value to yourself. The idea of having permission to have sex with someone else is just not something most people can wrap their mind around.

 

2) I heard one person on a forum once say something to the effect of "with cheating there is no jealousy because your partner doesn't know you are doing it". Most people think that all people are insecure and jealous because they themselves are. I guess not knowing if your spouse is cheating or your spouse not knowing if you are cheating skirts the jealousy issue. Which leads me to my next thought:

 

3) People are okay with themselves cheating, but if their spouse ever had sex with someone else "it would be over right there and then!" Most people want to have sex with other people, they just don't want their spouse having sex with someone else.

 

I know more will come to me later. I've been thinking about this all day.

[WesternSwing 504]

My thought on your conversation with your friend is this: most people don't want to share. They want to get what is benificial for themselves, but don't want to give their partner equal opportunity (unless her BF is also cheating, then she would probably be crying about that too...even though she's doing the same thing...I do love irony ).

 

Why do you think most guys are all for having a threesome with another girl...but if their wife/gf wants a threesome with a guy, it would be a cold day in hell before that happens.

 

Most people tend to look out for number 1...I really don't think that swingers are all that different...it's just that things are happening in an open arena and there are opportunities to discuss what is going on.

 

Ah, this is the other thought I had that I forgot and expands on my #3. Many people are in it for themselves. Even the relationship/marriage. Many people marry someone for what they represent to them, not who they really are. Is she the the hottest and make his friends envious? Does he have money and can buy her the biggest house and car and make her friends envious? They really don't care about their spouse beyond how they make them look to others. It's selfish. So is cheating.

 

However swinging is one of the most unselfish things you can ever do for your spouse. Swinging is about you because it is about them. It's getting joy from their joy. You've had a great time because your spouse has had a great time.

 

Cheating is about none of that. It's all about the cheater's happiness without any regard whatsoever for their spouse's happiness.

[Chitowndk4u 32]

I really like your perspective on this. Since I've gained somewhat of a grasp on the lifestyle, I have come to accept that I'm mentally able to handle it.

 

The wife? Not so much.

 

I know that cheating is wrong. That is why I love swinging. It is a different mindset. I love it.

[Tia Vampire 167]

I feel it is because there are things that happen in a relationship to make people cheat. Such as money issues, lack of sex, and too many disagreements. When the couple figure out that cheating could have been avoided if they would have talked more about their problems, then it is forgiven. Some couples can't live without each other, but can't live with each other only to cheat over and over again. If no one put their foot down and keep letting it happen, then of course it will go on as long as they let it.