Why is it so difficult to connect with single females?

[NaughtyCouple06 15]

I am pretty sure this is a repeat question but i have used the search block for a few days and nothing concrete.

 

Why is it so hard to find people to fool around with? My wife and I are just starting this awesome life and as of right now, we are only into girls. It seems like pulling teeth trying to find girls to hang out with that aren't close friends already. We are trying to meet new people that enjoy our same "interest" but no luck. We have tried NUMEROUS sites and local clubs, as in 2 clubs, and nothing. ANY HELP???

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

You're looking for the mythical unicorn for an FMF. There's a reason single bi women are called unicorns in the lifestyle. It is not impossible to find what you are looking for, but it is difficult. You just have to keep trying. Eventually, it will work out.

[NaughtyCouple06 15]

Unicorn huh? Never heard of that. I can understand that they are difficult to find but i didn't think it was going to be this hard. I know that single bi females are still attracted to males and by the time me or my wife get to them, they are already with a male and she wants him to join.

 

Wish this was easier. I appreciate the help thoughs

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Unicorn huh? Never heard of that. I can understand that they are difficult to find but i didn't think it was going to be this hard. I know that single bi females are still attracted to males and by the time me or my wife get to them, they are already with a male and she wants him to join.

 

Wish this was easier. I appreciate the help thoughs

 

It's just that there is a limited "supply" (sorry for the term) of unicorns out there. Further, there is a very large demand for them...a large number of couples are looking for unicorns. So, for the unicorns that ARE out there, it's easy for them to find FMF situations if that is what they are looking for. Very easy.

 

You'll have considerably better luck if you expand your horizons to couples or single males. You can keep looking for single females, but still get to play in the meantime.

[NaughtyCouple06 15]

this is very true. It is the wife that is uncomfortable with the idea of another male in the situtation, not myself. I know she isn't ok with a MFM thing because there is another male there so that pretty much rules out a couple thing. She said once we play around with what she wants first, then she MIGHT be more open to the idea later...MAYBE

[femnewb4u2 328]

Why is it so hard to find people to fool around with? My wife and I are just starting this awesome life and as of right now, we are only into girls. It seems like pulling teeth trying to find girls to hang out with that aren't close friends already. We are trying to meet new people that enjoy our same "interest" but no luck. We have tried NUMEROUS sites and local clubs, as in 2 clubs, and nothing. ANY HELP???

 

If you have a profile on a site such as SLS, you may want to consider posting the link to it under the "Finding People on Line" forum. You will see a thread for "couples profile reviews". Those of us who are bi single females, or have been at one time, as well as the couples who have been with the unicorn, could review it for you. Maybe there would be some pointers we could give you in that which may help.

[NaughtyCouple06 15]

we do have a profile that i started but the wife isn't ok with putting our pic up. She is afraid of other people finding out and i have to respect that so our pic isn't on the website

[exploringRM 305]

I've seen many couples profiles that are into women only. They usually specify that the women play together and the guys join in with their own partner. That might be a way for you to go? I don't know how successful these couples are.

[NaughtyCouple06 15]

well I appreciate the feedback, but the wife and I are looking for a girl to share equally.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

NaughtyCouple06 said:

we do have a profile that i started but the wife isn't ok with putting our pic up. She is afraid of other people finding out and i have to respect that so our pic isn't on the website

Have you been contacting single bi-fems on Swing Lifestyle who don't have pictures? Just curious if you contact women without seeing what they look like.

 

The avatar you use here on SB must not be of you then, correct?

 

Profiles with pictures will receive more interest and there are ways to take pictures that won't reveal who you are. The avatar you have here does a pretty good job of hiding the identity of the man and woman in the picture.

 

You say that you've tried to meet single women at 2 clubs without success. Tell us more about what your club experiences have been, maybe there will be some clues there as to why you're having trouble.

 

Welcome to the Board.

[NaughtyCouple06 15]

LikeMinds321 said:

Have you been contacting single bi-fems on Swing Lifestyle who don't have pictures? Just curious if you contact women without seeing what they look like.

 

The avatar you use here on SB must not be of you then, correct?

 

Profiles with pictures will receive more interest and there are ways to take pictures that won't reveal who you are. The avatar you have here does a pretty good job of hiding the identity of the man and woman in the picture.

 

You say that you've tried to meet single women at 2 clubs without success. Tell us more about what your club experiences have been, maybe there will be some clues there as to why you're having trouble.

 

Welcome to the Board.

 

Hi,

we actually have been contacting people on slife without pics because in the past, we have come to the conclusion that some work out to be pretty cool people. We just look at what they have to say about themselves and their stats and go from there. You would be correct to assume that the avatar on this site is NOT us.

 

Unfortunately, slife requires you to have a profile pic of your face if you have the free membership. I want to pay for the site but as of right now, we haven't had good success with it so i have no reason to pay for it, you know? If I could take a pic of our bodies or our tattoos and put it up as the profile pic with a free account, i would have done that already. I am just trying to keep my wife's comfort level down and for now, our pics can't go up.

 

When it comes to the club situation, first off, my wife and i aren't party goers. I mean dont get me wrong, we can get down and have a night of our lives when we feel like it but we tend to just kick back at a bar and just relax and drink. I think that is one of our problems. I have tried and i always get cocked blocked because i have a wedding ring on when i talk to other girls. First indication that this lifestyle isn't accepted. When it comes to my wife, we either get flakes or just out right liers.

 

We have tired and been trying for months with no success. Craigslist, AFF, SLS and local bars. We even went out of town and tried it there...nothing. That is why i am here now. We need to learn from others and be in a place where we can feel comfortable.

 

I hope this isn't too aggressive. I am not trying to be.

[Chicup 42]

I've always wondered how it is that when people post about looking for an FMF and its the guy posting, its always his woman thats against the idea of another man.

 

Just makes you think.

[NaughtyCouple06 15]

I dont know what to say...I am for the idea. I don't care...it kinda interests me...

 

The wife isn't a forum girl. I have tried and tried to get her to be but she just sits here and watches me.

[PB&J 1,086]

Unfortunately, slife requires you to have a profile pic of your face if you have the free membership.

 

I don't understand. I have a free membership, and believe me, there is no profile pic of my face out there.

[Dave_kat 227]

The wonderful search for the elusive unicorn...

 

You limit yourself greatly when you seek only single bi-fems as you have been told. Even at clubs, the single bi-fem is generally in high demand and has their choice of who/when/where etc.

 

We did some statistical research on SLS one time when we were accused of prejudice against single males. It turned out that there was something like 1 single female for every 10 single males and 1 single female per 50 couples within 50 miles of our house. Those are very short odds when seeking the unicorn.

 

The only thing we can suggest is perhaps going to a gay club and hanging out with the ladies there. Oftentimes you can find a bi-fem intermixed with that group as well (If you were in Savannah we'd suggest Club 1, we've had surprising success there).

 

A lot of single bi-fems that we know don't use websites as well to seek dates, they usually know from hanging out who is who and what is what.

 

You might have more success as well opening up to soft swap - fem-fem play as has been mentioned. The only argument you might make with regards to that is that swinger's have much better control over their actions than most will think, and males that don't respect "no" or try to cross those lines don't last very long in the lifestyle. In other words, you have a very good chance to enjoy a bisexual encounter for your wife going along those lines than else, and it is probably not only safer but potentially leads to more as the comfort grows. This does mean that you wouldn't be able to share equally, but no solution will be perfect.

 

We would seriously reccomend pictures if you continue your search this way - a lot of single female profiles state they will only respond to couples with pictures. Remember, they are the one's in high demand.

 

Wish you luck with your search, but can only counsel for patience while searching.

[twoforone100 45]

In the four years we have been playing we have met and played with exactly 4 single females... and at times we have worked hard for it... even our name... twoforone100 is a sign that this was our interest.....

 

single women.. have all the choice.. males...females...couples... they also have safety concerns... you want them to be alone with a couple sexually. They are unicorns...

 

YOU have to " sell " yourself to them.... they are usually not out looking because if they do go look they can find something they want in about 5 mins. YOU NEED pic's.. Of Both of you. Without them you are spinning your wheels. SHE really needs to do the looking. Single women are NOT going to want to talk with the guy.. and YOU have to do what they want as someone said about " supply and demand"

 

As far as finding women in clubs.. well unless you give off that party couple vibe you won't have much luck...

 

YOU have been given good advice above...YOU have come up with a reason why you can't do any of it. Those are the answers.. there is NO magic bullet...

 

fwiw... we have had much more fun with couples.. and you never know there are couples where the guys just watches..... there are soft swap couples... there are girl/girl couples.

 

But to keep doing the same old things over and over when you know they don't work well that is crazy...ymmv

[dodgechevy 149]

To be fair, you have 4 major things going against you.

 

New profile,

No pics,

No certs,

Not paid

 

For most couples a combination like that screams pic collector. I would imagine even more for a single fem who probably get tons of email per day.

 

Plus while you say you are not aggressive. It seems that you can't get around the idea that its not going to be as easy as you think it should be.

[time00life 15]

Exactly our situation.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The face pic requirement on SLS for free members is a new one to me too. I've seen plenty of free profiles that have pictures without having a face pic.

 

As others have already informed you, finding a single bi female is the hardest thin to accomplish in this lifestyle. Some folks do find good success at it, but it's typically that they are more open in more ways, looking at their vanilla life as opportunities as well as open to any opportunity within the lifestyle. These couples are typically open to more than just single females within swinging and through that tend to encounter more.

 

As someone else also pointed out, many couples are only looking for F/F play, if you are both open to that idea (to YOU, the male, only playing with your own wife, in exchange for expecting the same from someone else) then that might be a route to look at to allow her to investigate her bi-side. If, however, what you both really want is an actual MFM where you get to play with both girls... good luck.

 

We have actually run into a few single females at swinger clubs/socials. The funny thing is that you don't know they are single females. They don't wear big signs and they don't stand out as single females. You only find out through talking to them. ... which of course, means you have to put yourselves out there, which isn't something you are likely to do if you are ONLY interested in single females.

 

Just this weekend we were at a party and there were at least 2 single females that I knew of. One was obvious as she was listed on the party list and her profile lists her as a single female. The other was a lady that my Pet found attractive at the M&G. We had no idea she was single and it wasn't until he actually talked to her that we found this out.

[N8ture Girl 318]

twoforone and dodgechevy said it well. I did read your profile and while it was pretty good, there isn't really anything that sets you two apart from the rest. Having no pics doesn't help, and you dont have to have face pics, but a general g-rated body pic, or nice pic of her legs....you get the idea. If I were a bi-female, I would want the other female to contact me, not the guy.

 

Like dodgechevy said there are many things against you, and I will add one too.... your age. The majority of swingers are a bit older as are many of the single bi-females. I find that many tend to view the younger swingers (18-25) with some hesitancy. Swinging takes a lot of maturity and some feel that at that age its a drama bomb waiting to go off. However there are some older swingers that cant act mature either..

 

Your desired age range will likely limit you as well. There just isn't that many young swingers in comparison to swingers over 30. And to find a bi-female in this small mix.....who knows how hard that will be! Around here there are young ones that come and go from time to time, but they never hang around long. Granted this is just based on stats on this side of the US, sunny California may be a whole different ball game....

 

You do have a lot of hurdles to overcome, but if you keep hitting road blocks then you might have to rethink your strategy.

 

Just some food for thought.

 

Best of luck to you.

[NaughtyCouple06 15]

PB&J said:

I don't understand. I have a free membership, and believe me, there is no profile pic of my face out there.

 

I tried to upload some pics other then our faces the first time and Ii could figure out why they wouldn't go through...then I read the FAQ and took the info from there. There are some pics of my wife up for right now...those are the only ones she is willing to let go on the internet...for now. They are the same ones we use on craigslist.

[NaughtyCouple06 15]

PB&J said:

I don't understand. I have a free membership, and believe me, there is no profile pic of my face out there.

 

Dave_kat said:

The wonderful search for the elusive unicorn...

 

You limit yourself greatly when you seek only single bi-fems as you have been told. Even at clubs, the single bi-fem is generally in high demand and has their choice of who/when/where etc.

 

We did some statistical research on Swing Lifestyle one time when we were accused of prejudice against single males. It turned out that there was something like 1 single female for every 10 single males and 1 single female per 50 couples within 50 miles of our house. Those are very short odds when seeking the unicorn.

 

The only thing we can suggest is perhaps going to a gay club and hanging out with the ladies there. Oftentimes you can find a bi-fem intermixed with that group as well (If you were in Savannah we'd suggest Club 1, we've had surprising success there).

 

A lot of single bi-fems that we know don't use websites as well to seek dates, they usually know from hanging out who is who and what is what.

 

You might have more success as well opening up to soft swap - fem-fem play as has been mentioned. The only argument you might make with regards to that is that swinger's have much better control over their actions than most will think, and males that don't respect "no" or try to cross those lines don't last very long in the lifestyle. In other words, you have a very good chance to enjoy a bisexual encounter for your wife going along those lines than else, and it is probably not only safer but potentially leads to more as the comfort grows. This does mean that you wouldn't be able to share equally, but no solution will be perfect.

 

We would seriously recomend pictures if you continue your search this way - a lot of single female profiles state they will only respond to couples with pictures. Remember, they are the one's in high demand.

 

Wish you luck with your search, but can only counsel for patience while searching.

 

thanks for the awesome reply.

 

I do know that we limit ourselves to a tiny amount of the population of this lifestyle by only searching for women. I know this but I personally don't have a problem with it. I have asked my wife for other couples, I have asked my wife if she wanted to see me with another man soft swap or hard... I have asked if she wanted to be with another guy. NOTHING!!! She doesn't want another guy in the picture. She isn't even comfortable with another guy in the room if we fooled around with the female of the couple. I can't change it, I don't want to. That is her feelings and I respect that and won't push the issue but what else can I do but look for this "unicorn"???

 

The pic thing is a whole different issue.

[NaughtyCouple06 15]

after all is said and done...I have taken all the advice from this thread. I appreciate all the help that you have all given me honestly. I apologize if I have come off aggressive. That wasn't my point, frustration is a big thing because of the time we have spent and nothing to show for it. It is a very frustrating situation but still.

 

Thank you all for your advice. It is greatly appreciated.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Your profile could do with some copyediting too.

 

We dont like drama, or push people.

 

That should read "pushy people".

 

We are both enjoy going to the gym and...sweating...

 

That should read "We both enjoy going to the gym and...sweating..."

 

but we are just tried of them.

 

That should read "we are just tired of them"

 

We enjoying being discrete, why our faces are up...

 

That should read "We enjoy being discrete, which is why our faces are not up..."

[The Fuse 1,012]

 

That should read "We enjoy being discrete, which is why our faces are not up..."

 

While you're at it, "discrete" should be "discreet". This is a very common mistake. "Discreet" means having discretion or seeking privacy, e.g. knowing when to keep your mouth shut etc. "Discrete" means separate or apart, and is commonly used in mathematics.

[NaughtyCouple06 15]

thanks for the help barns and fuse

[dodgechevy 149]

To be honest you and your wife probably have a better chance finding a single female interested in both of you at a gay/lesbian or vanilla bar. While we haven't done it ourselves, we have heard from a few friends that those were pretty good places.

 

Oh and if you have a webcam you can get a cert directly from sls.

[smoothwaitress 15]

Finding a single bi female difficult yes impossible no. We have found, if my wife develops the relationship with the woman first , rather than both of us it works much better. My wife works in the hospitality industry and comes in contact with alot of business women, that are in town and alone. Single Bi women are also in a postion of power. They can pick whomever they want.

[MrXxotic 18]

I don't know of anyone that has found a SBiF in the lifestyle. We have had FMFs but they were always in a MFFM. We have met couples that had great success at FMFs. One couple in particular stands out. They had more success at FMF than any other swinging combination. The wife was very bi and very outgoing. They hooked up with all (as far as I know) of their FMF partners in vanilla settings. Strippers/waitresses were their favorite targets. The wife would flirt and do most of the chatting up and before you know it they were meeting on an off day or after work for playtime.

 

When we first started we had success meeting women/couples for girl/girl only play. The guys would join in but only with their partner. We found a lot of couples that were comfortable with this system. The girls have their fun and the guys get to watch and/or play too. Everyone goes home happy.

[jid2008 16]

We've had no luck with single fems either. We don't have face pics on SwingLifestyle because we are extremely discreet about this - the only reason we are gutsy enough to even swing is because we live 100 miles from family!