A Bisexual Acceptance Dilemma: MM vs FF

[JandY 61]

Anyone who has read our previous posts will know that I and my wife are one half of a MFFM relationship that meets up socially (and more) on occasion.

 

We (guys) have been suffering something of a dilemma in that whilst the girls are very open-minded and adventurous - participating in pretty much every activity imaginable - double penetrations (pussy/oral. anal/oral, anal/pussy and double-pussy) double BJ's, oral administration to coital action and lesbianism etc., they have both stated that any MM bisexual play is not acceptable.

 

Us guys being basically pretty hetero had no problem with this, except that in talking we both admitted that we wouldn't be adverse to trying out oral sex with each other under the right circumstances.

 

I think that for both of us, once we'd both owned up to the idea, it has played on our minds and I know that I have found the sight of his cock in action as much a turn-on as the bodies of our ladies, on occasion. We're pretty open with each other and he's told me he has found himself feeling the same.

 

Neither of us are attracted to guys, just each other's cocks. To all intents and purposes, apart from this fixation, we're both very much hetero.

 

To cut a long story short, we met up recently. I was doing some work on the car in my garage and he came to help. His lady came also and the girls decided to go on a lunch/shopping trip in town.

 

After we'd finished the work on the car, I went for a shower and as I left the bathroom he called upstairs and asked of it would be OK for him to take a shower also.

 

Of course, I said yes and told him to grab a towel from the airing cupboard next to the bathroom and that it was OK for him to dress in the bedroom afterwards.

 

Our bedroom is next to the bathroom and while I dried myself, I could hear him showering.

 

I had had plenty of time to dress while he was in the bathroom, but I sort of knew something might happen, so when he left the shower and came into the bedroom to dress, I still had nothing on but the towel around my waist.

 

He also had his towel around his lower loins but his shoulders, chest and torso were still covered with water droplets and when he asked if I had another towel to dry them, I simply unhooked my own towel and held it out for him - revealing, in the process my skyward pointing sex.

 

As he reached for it, he grasped my forearm, dropped his own towel to reveal his erection and maneuvered my hand so that I could grasp his stiff member as he pulled me towards him.

 

We actually kissed (which was the last thing I'd have ever imagined - but it was SO horny to kiss a guy).

 

He pushed me back onto the bed and cupped my balls in his hand prior to snaking his tongue from my mouth, down my neck, along my chest and across my stomach until he engulfed me in his hot mouth. I couldn't wait any longer and needed to do the same, so we were soon locked in an unbelievable MM 69.

 

I was amazed at the sensation of his penis head in my mouth. The texture really is like rubber. If it weren't for the jerking and the taste/odour it might easily be a sex-toy, by feel alone.

 

His smell was amazing (and being ordinarily heterosexual, I found a little off-putting at first), his genitals smelled like a man. I'd only ever been used to genitals smelling female, before.

 

I know that it's been proven that the average amount of sperm ejaculated is only about a teaspoonful, but when he came in my mouth, it seemed much more. There seemed to be wave after wave of it and I almost gagged - not at the taste (which was actually quite good) but at the fear of drowning.

 

He told me not to cum in his mouth as he hates sperm and wishes it didn't even exist.

 

This was OK with me, cuz "each to his own" is my motto.

 

When it was my turn to cum, I asked if it was OK to empty myself over his cock and balls and he found that a turn on and I found licking it all off afterwards an equal turn-on (I hate waste).

 

Trouble is now, we can't tell the girls and we don't like secrets but we both know it will happen again.

 

We intend keeping this aspect of our swinging a secret.

 

We have no emotional feelings towards each other, other than friendship and being fuckbuddies. The same as we feel when having sex with each other's wives, in fact.

 

We love our own wives. The rest is purely sex and the pleasure of seeing our wives happily being fucked to heaven and back.

 

Is that bad?

[bicuriocpl 90]

Well to me this is cheating pure and simple. You are unwilling to tell you wife about it so you are going to continue secretly meeting to have sex. Only difference between what you are doing and cheating with the woman of the couple is the fact of gender. How is this being open? Swinging is built on trust and communication, not on secrecy between spouses. You need to either tell you wife and explain that this is something you wish to continue doing or stop completely and explain it was a one time thing. Above all else no secrets with your wife or it could damage your relationship when she finds out (and she probably eventually will). What happens if the other guy in the couple tells his wife and she tells yours while drunk or in a fit of rage? better you both tell your spouses and either quit seeing each other or at least come to some sort of agreement. Of course this is my opinion and you are free to ignore it. In which case all I ask is that you recycle the electrons appropriately.

[Lixxnsuxx 15]

Are we to understand that the girls would not allow male on male but had a pretty good time with girl on girl? Is this not a double standard? Maybe you should talk to your male friend and the both of you mention this double standard to your mates. I think it might be that the next time you are with your friends and the girls lock up you sidle over and start sucking his cock. If the girls object they might ought to try to explain the difference. Believe me, it will sound absurd.

[Additude 457]

Hey JandY,

 

You know this really is cheating....in the technical sense of it.

 

The only reason your personally not considering it to be cheating is because your mind is masking it with another emotion....that emotion might be embarrasment or fear, maybe both, maybe even something else, but I bet your concerned of what your wives will think of it. That's why your not telling.

 

But the deed is done and now it's time to cast aside the masking emotions and come clean....tell the truth, be honest and don't keep the secret. Heck, it's not like you guys have to tell your vanilla wives your cheating on them with other women. Your current situation diminishes the impact considerably over a hetro couple.

 

You all need to sit down as a 4 some and you need to get it out in the open.

 

The sooner, the better.

[JandY 61]

Problem with our foursome is that bothe ladies have made it clear, from the outset, that they find the idea of their men engaging in homosexual activities as "icky" at least and would mean loss of respect and maybe even make us less attractive to them as "men".

 

They see FF sex as almost natural (and who can blame them - LOL) and as an added spice for both themselves and for us guys to observe, but they see MM sex as, somehow, unnatural and even maybe threatening to their relationships.

 

My lady has told me point-blank thet she has known so many men who used to be hetero but after coming "out of the closet" never got back in it again and remained solely or predominantly gay. I have to say, that I've known quite a few, also. There are even quite a number of famous guys that went through this transformation &/or supressed their gay feelings for years.

 

Quite often, when guys go with guys, they end up forsaking girls.

 

But rarely does it seem to happen, the other way around. Girls are either gay or bi almost (not always, but almost) from the off.

 

Girls often enjoy bi sex but maintain their basic heterosexuality.

 

A lot of guys don't. I believe that I and my buddy are both rampant heteros who just happen to enjoy sucking each other's cocks and balls.

 

But neither of us is looking for another guy, whereas we'd happily take on any number of other ladies, so I guess our own female partners are worried we might "turn" away from them forever as well as being put off us guys playing for the earlier reasons described.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Well it is too bad that you two have been denied the opportunity to satisfy your desires and curiosity because your wives are not open to it. They might feel it is a turn-off, but ultimately it shouldn't be hurting anyone, so maybe they could have found a way to be supportive, or at least accommodating.

 

Now, you have a situation where you've done something you are keeping a secret. You know as well as anyone that this is wrong, and the conflicted feelings, desires and the stress of keeping the secret will be difficult to deal with within the normal social relationship that the four of you have. If your wives are perceptive, they will be able to tell that something has happened. You may or may not choose to tell them, but it seems likely that they will find out one way or another. I am sorry that you are in this situation, but I am sympathetic. It seems like it would have been difficult to avoid the temptation, and when you feel you have the right on your side, it is difficult to resist that temptation.

 

Good luck and I hope you will let us know what happens. Meanwhile, thanks for sharing your story... it sounded pretty hot to me.

[Lixxnsuxx 15]

Dear J, What are you saying? This picture is somewhat clouded by the way you rationalized the girls' thoughts. Could it be this deception runs further..?

[GerdOEvert 51]

Both of us are bi sexual. My wife since college, me since my early teens. But we prefer the opposite sex, with an occasional erotic interlude. May be you could call us

experimental.

 

In our lifestyle experience4s over a number of years, we saw that the bi females were much more common, and in fact encouraged.

 

The bi males got together in threesomes in closed rooms,

or met elsewhere,.

 

Male homosexual contact is was just not approved of and was taboo. I think it has and always will be so.

 

 

Men think female bisexuality is hot hot hot. I know I do.

 

For me, I love to eat my wife or another lover after she is creme filled. I do wonder where I got that fetish. Mr. Spoo you could fill her up. And I would love to watch Eileen and Ms. Spoo. I'd love to eat Ms. Spoo when she is creme filled, with yours or other creme. Would love to suck you sometime, but we are way to far away. And I am sure you would be against it. I also think Snozberry Blu is hot, and some others. Small group, good sex, lots of fun. No boundaries. I wonder if Mr Spoo would ever to tete beche?

 

I also have never orally taken a load of creamy cum, but would like to.

 

The fear of AIDS has really stopped all that four us. The only way we would swing now is with a small group where all have been tested, and we introduce new couples slowly, etc.

 

Also, fucking with a condom is really like taking a shower in a raincoat.

[JandY 61]

Dear J, What are you saying? This picture is somewhat clouded by the way you rationalized the girls' thoughts. Could it be this deception runs further..?

Simply stating what the girls have said re their opinions on MM play, but you also gotta take into account that we guys do believe that we know our ladies and have discussed the situation between us.

 

When you've been with someone for a long time (8 years, in my case), the simple furrowing or raising of an eyebrow, when any given subject is raised, can speak volumes and reveal innermost thoughts - so I think the female thought rationalising is probably quite on the mark.

[Lixxnsuxx 15]

IMHO- Ok, live in the double standard if that is acceptable to you. Why did you write in? The only thing you have done so far is rationalize the girls' position and get spanked by knowledgeable people who tell you cheating is cheating-no matter with a man or woman. Frankly, if I were you I would dump the girlfriend- unless you like the inconsistencies in your relationship.

[lardub 170]

To answer the question of cheating yes I believe it is. Now in regards to your delema have you a history of rejecting gay males. Lets be a little more descriptive with my question here.

As with any close relationship a number of topics concerning sex come up, the last ten years have brought gay marriage to the for front in the media with numerous churches splitting over the dispute. Certainly you have discussed this with her. Communication is paramount in this lifestyle.

 

Do you recall ever stating that you don't see the attraction and can't understand how males could find this attractive. Have you even stood behind them and said it doesn't hurt me but its not my cup of tea. In short have you projected to her that it was the furthest thing from your mind, and you could never do it, that to you it was unnatural, could this be perhaps a basis of the girls stance on the matter.

 

Before we even had given swapping the time of day we belonged to a church that underwent the same sex controversy, both of us were on the hetero side of the fence and saw it as a threat to our values and our children. we I thought were being honest with each other, in fact we were being dishonest to each other. Both of us in our past had same sex encounters and kept it secret from each other. We are proof that it isn't some evil that takes over as we met, fell in love married and had children. Now that we communicate and have opened up to each other we have both come clean and it hasn't made us love each other less. she doesn't look at me different. It has opened up a whole new set of experiences we can enjoy if it ever comes up because we have been honest.

 

You guys have to sit the Ladies down and discuss this and throw it all out on the table, its a double standard pure and simple and you have to let them know that it is something you wish to explore with them, not excluding them. Let them know that this is a journey you want to take with them as couples.

 

Hopefully this works out for you.

[sweet_tna 680]

Simply stating what the girls have said re their opinions on MM play, but you also gotta take into account that we guys do believe that we know our ladies and have discussed the situation between us.

 

When you've been with someone for a long time (8 years, in my case), the simple furrowing or raising of an eyebrow, when any given subject is raised, can speak volumes and reveal innermost thoughts - so I think the female thought rationalising is probably quite on the mark.

 

I'm sure you do know your wife very well, though I can honestly tell you that despite having been with Mr. Sweet for 16 years, he STILL gets stuff wrong. But the difference with us is, he knows that he can talk to me about anything. Even if a particular topic or request makes me uncomfortable, I'd rather he just tell me than hide it. It becomes a lie of omission at that point, and the lie (to me) would be worse than whatever he did that he was hiding from me.

 

To answer your original question:

Trouble is now, we can't tell the girls and we don't like secrets but we both know it will happen again.

 

We intend keeping this aspect of our swinging a secret.

 

We have no emotional feelings towards each other, other than friendship and being fuckbuddies. The same as we feel when having sex with each other's wives, in fact.

 

We love our own wives. The rest is purely sex and the pleasure of seeing our wives happily being fucked to heaven and back.

 

Is that bad?

 

YES. By doing something against the wives' knowledge and consent is cheating--no two ways about it. I'm sorry that you and your friend are the victims of a double standard. I can maybe even understand that this episode was simply a matter of feeling "free" (without the disapproval you feared you'd get from the wives) to explore something you both have had an interest in. But to do so without their knowledge is (IMO, which you asked for by posting) wrong. Further, to keep this from them, knowing it will happen again? That only compounds the error.

 

Now, in addition to the wives being (however unreasonably) concerned that your MM play would cause you to lose interest in heterosexual activities, they now also have to worry about trusting whether you'll be faithful to them at all.

 

They WILL find out eventually--do you really think you'll be able to keep from touching each other during play sessions?!? WHEN, not if, they find out, they are going to be very hurt and angry, and rightfully so. Then you're gonna' have a much bigger can of worms to deal with than if you just 'fess up now.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

Trouble is now, we can't tell the girls and we don't like secrets but we both know it will happen again.

 

We intend keeping this aspect of our swinging a secret.

 

Is that bad?

I find your predicament interesting and multidimensional. Here you are, two couples who play exclusively and have been for a good while. You are all okay with this arrangement and enjoy it. You guys have found that you are open to MM sex but your wives have stated they are not open to MM sex, yet they enjoy FF sex. Problem now is that you've already broken a rule. (I don't like calling it cheating at this point because I don't think it fits.) However, if you continue to have MM sex with each other without your wives knowledge and permission, you will then be cheaters, IMO.

 

You say you "know it will happen again."

 

I don't think you guys will be able to live with your secret. It will eat you up and erode your relationship with your wives and your friendship.

 

 

Do you recall ever stating that you don't see the attraction and can't understand how males could find this attractive. Have you even stood behind them and said it doesn't hurt me but its not my cup of tea. In short have you projected to her that it was the furthest thing from your mind, and you could never do it, that to you it was unnatural, could this be perhaps a basis of the girls stance on the matter.

Lardub has brought up something to consider. Your wife may be saying what she thinks she should say. Her views may also be a "habit of thinking" that she would change, if given the opportunity. I used to think swingers were disgusting human beings, now I'm a swinger! I had a moment of input from someone with a different perspective and although it strained & troubled my mind for a day or two, it got me thinking, and I decided to learn more, and discuss swinging with my husband.

 

I think you need to take the risk of opening up to your wife and discussing what you have discovered about yourself and admit to what you have done.

 

I feel for you, your predicament isn't fair in many ways. But continuing to play without permission is not the answer.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Lardub has brought up something to consider. Your wife may be saying what she thinks she should say. Her views may also be a "habit of thinking" that she would change, if given the opportunity. I used to think swingers were disgusting human beings, now I'm a swinger! I had a moment of input from someone with a different perspective and although it strained & troubled my mind for a day or two, it got me thinking, and I decided to learn more, and discuss swinging with my husband.

 

I think you need to take the risk of opening up to your wife and discussing what you have discovered about yourself and admit to what you have done.

 

I feel for you, your predicament isn't fair in many ways. But continuing to play without permission is not the answer.

 

This was my thought as I read this initially as well. As couples we do know each other well and after many times of hearing you say you'd never do that or that you think low of MM activity. It may be that the females have taken to that and expressed a severe disinterest FOR you, because they felt it was something you would never do. By stating it up front they were giving you the freedom to not have to state it.

 

The problem is that it left you wanting something and unable to turn things around after saying for years that you didn't want something.

 

For the sake of your marriages and your relationships you have to tell your wives about your interest in MM activity and your desire to give it a try. That said, I do believe that sometimes the only reason we come clean of indiscretions is to clear our own minds, and doing so may hurt things more. But, if you come clean of the desire and then get the ok to do it again... eventually it's going to come out anyway, so you may as well lay it all on the table. Start with the beginning of how you both thought about it, discussed it, etc and that you were scared to tell them. Then tell them what happened. They will be hurt more by your lying to them and leaving them out than by your desire to be with another man. Understand that from the outside. They will be upset, and they have reason to be upset. Give them that allowance and understand that you lied and you were wrong in doing so

[JandY 61]

I'm taking all the comments and opinions on-board and both of us guys know it's sort of wrong, but I also sort of view it in a similar light to how I might view jerking off without including or even telling my wife.

 

I bet she does, too.

 

Probably most of us do.

 

It's not really adultery in the traditional sense. There's no emotions involved. It's less of a betrayal, from my perspective, than if I were to pay a hooker for sex.

 

Just to throw something else in the pot, would people's opinions be any different if I and my buddy were female and playing together without our men?

 

Would be interested to learn if that would shape opinions any differently.

[DE_BBC 15]

is there a double standard? Yes, that seems to be the way, female bi-sexuality/lesbianism is and probably always will be considered more acceptable.

 

Did you cheat? Yes.

Would it be different is you were both women? Probably(just my opinion)

 

That however doesn't make it right.

[sweet_tna 680]

I'm taking all the comments and opinions on-board and both of us guys know it's sort of wrong, but I also sort of view it in a similar light to how I might view jerking off without including or even telling my wife.

 

I bet she does, too.

 

Probably most of us do.

 

It's not really adultery in the traditional sense. There's no emotions involved. It's less of a betrayal, from my perspective, than if I were to pay a hooker for sex.

 

Just to throw something else in the pot, would people's opinions be any different if I and my buddy were female and playing together without our men?

 

Would be interested to learn if that would shape opinions any differently.

 

Here's the thing. For me, masturbation does not fall into the same category. For one thing, it only involves ONE person, and most couples that swing already know and accept that their SO masturbates. So Mr. Sweet and I don't need to ask each other then whens and wheres.

 

If my hubby had sex with ANYONE else without my knowledge and consent, I still would view it as cheating. Gender and cost are irrelevant.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm taking all the comments and opinions on-board and both of us guys know it's sort of wrong, but I also sort of view it in a similar light to how I might view jerking off without including or even telling my wife.

 

I bet she does, too.

 

Probably most of us do.

 

It's not really adultery in the traditional sense. There's no emotions involved. It's less of a betrayal, from my perspective, than if I were to pay a hooker for sex.

 

Just to throw something else in the pot, would people's opinions be any different if I and my buddy were female and playing together without our men?

 

Would be interested to learn if that would shape opinions any differently.

 

Sorry I can't agree with you there. If there's another person involved it's not the same as jerking off. If you really thought she'd feel that way you'd have no qualms telling her. At this point I think you are just trying to justify not telling her, which will only lead to more deception.

 

And yes my opinion would be the same if you were the female halves of the couples. My hubby has made it clear that he is not comfortable with me playing alone with anyone (male or female) without his knowledge. If I did so and didn't tell him, I'd be lying and strictly through the lying & deceiving, I'd be cheating. There doesn't have to be emotions for it to be cheating.

[Speed & Trixie 163]

JandY, it's not about whether emotions are involved. It's not about with WHOM you are playing or the gender of the other person.

 

It's about playing with permission, which, right now, you do not have.

 

Please talk to your wife. If you want the MM play to continue, tell her so. Maybe she'll tell you and your friend to keep playing when the girls are away, maybe she'll tell you she wants to watch ... or maybe she'll tell you that it's unacceptable.

 

You don't really want to continue doing this behind your wife's back do you?

[PB&J 1,086]

Now, ask yourself how your wife would see it if it was a woman you were having this just sex.. strictly sex thing with. Maybe if you were just soft swap with this other couple, and just HAD to go full with the other wife, and did, behind your wife's back, and wanted to continue that aspect of the relationship as well as the soft swap. And you know how right or successful that would be, right?

[bicuriocpl 90]

If you and your buddy were female and both of your male partners were against it, I would still hold the same opinion. Not telling is cheating if you truly intend to do it again. Lack of communication often starts with little omissions such as this. Then the resentment & hurt builds when the other half finds out. After all if you withheld that sort of information what other secrets of the same level are you withholding? Without communication, trust can be easily destroyed.

[Lixxnsuxx 15]

"Would be interested to learn if that would shape opinions any differently." Please refer to my earlier post. F/F or M/M my beliefs are the same- period.

[Additude 457]

I'm sure most would answer, "yes it would be the same" to your last question.

 

JandY, your case is another example of two wrongs don't make it right. Your wives are wrong for what they think and you guys are wrong for going behind the wives backs on account of it.

 

The point is, are your wives entitled to know about your activities sexually? In a marriage or a LTR, I personally think they should be aware of those types of extramarital activities.

 

Really that's the bottom line here, not all this other what if's then if's stuff.

 

Also I'd like to point out that this is another classic example of how we shape and mold our opinions and actions based on another’s person’s decision. Here the "wives" presumably make statements to the effect of "Not wanting to accept any male-male contact" for what reasons we do not know, closed mindedness, social programming, etc. and this statement by the wives has in turn "forced" the husbands to partake in extramarital sexual activity without their wives knowledge because the husbands feel divulging this activity will make their wives think less of them as men.

 

So in this subject case, the wives decisive outlook regarding sexual male-male contact has affected the men’s actions. This type of situation happens frequently throughout human society. It's programmed human behavoir based on thousands of years of iteration.

 

This type of condition exists commonly in society as a whole, not just in marriage, but also in all relationships.

 

The bottom line is we are all responsible for our own decisions and what makes of them. The decision to withhold this information from the wives is a decision based on fear of what the wives will think or how they will react.

 

How do you think the wives will react when they find out? They will find out eventually you know and later is going to be a whole lot worse of a reaction from the wives. They are going to be hurt emotionally because you have lied to them and you have cheated on them. The heck with the sex act, your not being up front with them is going to be the basis of their distrust in you.

 

I say make a decision for yourself, not based on the influence of what your wives will think. What the wives think will be managed by your actions and words. If you are cheating and lie, then those are the actions that will guide your wives thoughts....if your up front, you tell it like it is and then address the wives preconceived notions about male-male sex, your going to gain yardage, not just between your wife and yourself, but your going to gain a lot personally....and shed the burden of guilt in the process.

 

Do it and do it the right way. No more games.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

Do you recall ever stating that you don't see the attraction and can't understand how males could find this attractive. Have you even stood behind them and said it doesn't hurt me but its not my cup of tea. In short have you projected to her that it was the furthest thing from your mind, and you could never do it, that to you it was unnatural, could this be perhaps a basis of the girls stance on the matter.

 

I think this could be dead-on. Mr NC and I talked about this one at length last night - because I myself have over the years made comments like your wife has about M/M play. I can tell you we had one of the most open conversations last night about it, and I wanted to make sure that if there was EVER anything he was fantasizing about or considering, that I would never put him in a position where he didn't feel he could be honest.

 

You need to have this conversation. You may not consider it cheating, but you cannot deny that it is deceitful. To all parties involved. Sorry, it doesn't compare to jerking off alone in the shower and not mentioning it.

 

And it will come out eventually, and that will be 500% worse. Find a way - have a nice dinner, a glass or two of wine, maybe a hot bath together, and find your courage to be honest with your wife. You may find she's not as against as you thought when she realizes that you are going through this. It may be just her "standard programmed" response now, but when it's her husband and the love of her life, she will be more honest about it too.

 

As to your question if you were a female would you get the same response. Well, I have recently discovered my own bisexuality. No way would I hide it from Mr NC - I don't think I could live with myself looking him in the eye every single day if I was playing with the girl on the side alone. IMO, it's no different than meeting up with the opposite sex of a couple that you've played with together, and having sex. It's all deceitful and yes, cheating.

 

I do wish you well on this one, and truly hope it all works out. But the longer you wait, the more it will strain your relationship.

[Karmickiss 28]

I used to come on here quite often...but haven't been around in quite a while. Perhaps I should do another intro, it's been that long. I really loved these forums..so when scanning through, was drawn to this thread, b/c I am a single bi woman...and I've often been frustrated with some of what I feel could be called "myths" about bi-sexuality. I started reading everyone's responses, and heartily agree with a lot, but still need to finish, I wanted to write a quick reply while my mind was still fresh with my own thoughts.

 

There does seem to be a double standard in some ways. I'll agree with that. One other thing that bothers me, is that if/when I tell someone I am bi-sexual, there is often a fear there....usually more if I'm becoming involved or might be with someone...the fear/belief that many seem to have, is that solely due to the fact that I'm bi-sexual, it would mean that I couldn't be monogamous, even if I wanted to. In other words, that part of "my nature" would be that I could never be satisfied with just one...if I wanted to, that it would always end up in cheating with the other sex.

 

To me, that's absurd, and I was able to be with just one guy for quite some time...up until he died suddenly three years ago....I'm only now feeling ready to be in any "scene". The thing was he just couldn't swing, and it would have hurt him had I "done my own thing"...and love being love it was easy for me to stay faithful. Being bi-sexual to me means, for just one thing, that I have the potential to fall in love with a man or a woman.

 

So, long and short of it to me would be out of love and respect for any potential partner, I wouldn't cheat, or do things on the sly, even if my partner was a "freak like me"...lol

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

...the fear/belief that many seem to have, is that solely due to the fact that I'm bi-sexual, it would mean that I couldn't be monogamous, even if I wanted to. In other words, that part of "my nature" would be that I could never be satisfied with just one...if I wanted to, that it would always end up in cheating with the other sex.

 

I never bought into this either. I'm not bi myself, but never felt threatened at the prospect of dating someone who was. I mean, if they're choosing to be with me, I assume they're choosing to be with me. Regardless of what your sexual attractions are, if you're involved in a monogamous relationship you're with that person alone. You're giving up having relations with anyone period, regardless of what sex they are. I just couldn't process the idea that if you're bi, that somehow falls down and a bi person could never be satisfied with just one person. It just didn't track logically for me.

[Rackir 159]

Hi there J. Just read over this thread and a couple of things jumped out that I wanted to say.

 

First, thanks for the story! Damn hot!

 

But...,,,

I believe that I and my buddy are both rampant heteros who just happen to enjoy sucking each other's cocks and balls.

Okay, how the hell does that work? Are you by chance also a 6"3 short guy? Or perhaps a rabid environmentalist except for the fact that you drive a hummer and don't recycle?

 

You enjoy sucking your friend’s cock. You my friend are either gay or bi. Since you seem to also be attracted to women I think that narrows you down to bi.

 

Time to own it.

 

As others have said there is a definite chance that a large part of your wife’s view of MM activity is based on projections you have given. Since even after writing a really hot account of how attracted you are to your friends cock, and how much you enjoyed sucking him off you still claim to be not only hetero, but RAMPANTLLY hetero, I think it's a pretty solid bet that you have had a past tendency to somewhat disparage male on male contact. Add to that the fact that you liken having sex with your buddy (which is what you did) as more akin to masturbation than to having sex with another person and it paints a pretty complete picture (really, the lack of emotion thing doesn’t play, would that argument work if you nailed a girl at the office but were really only attracted to her body?).

 

That level of conflict is pretty common. We grow up with male homosexuality being a specter in our society. When "fag" and "queer" are some of the ultimate (and most commonly used) insults, there is really no preventing the conflict for people who find themselves wanting to play on that side of the fence now and then.

 

So the first thing you need to do is get over it.

 

Go ahead and say it, "I am bisexual". You might be an extremely picky bisexual, but bi you are nonetheless.

 

Now after you've said it to yourself a few times, prove that you are still plenty manly by manning up and going to your wife and telling her that you are bisexual and that you cheated on her.

 

If you're really lucky (and well spoken) she will be willing to give you a chance to explain and you can tell her all about how the attraction had been building for a while, and finally you guys just gave in to it.

 

If you are really really lucky, she just might find it a turn on, and want to see it for herself.

 

Regardless though you owe to her and to yourself and your relationship to be honest. Both about your feelings, and your actions.

 

Good luck, and I really hope it works out for you. The coming out process is hard, very hard, but in the end it yields nothing but rewards.

[Lascivious L&L 866]

It's been over a year, but I just read it and have to reply. So much holier than thou judgment going on in these responses! So much boxing this situation into swinging power words like cheating. Hey, we've all lied and most of us, perhaps all of us, have cheated. Oh I forgot, there are a few of you perfect humans out there.

 

It's about fear. This guy fears his wife will see him as less of a man. He fears real communication with his wife and with his friend's wife and its potential for hurt or for growth. I agree with others that this offers him the opportunity to find out if his wife can accept him. It may also be the opportunity to find out his wife doesn't accept him. This is what he fears.

 

Sure it would have been better if he discussed this before doing it. But this is the real world and more often such discussion happens after. The point is he will feel better if he comes clean. But he fears so much. Fear is what needs to be faced.

 

Oh and the neat little bi label. It may or may not fit him. He certainly fears it. Bi means so many different things to so many different people that your need to tell him he's definitely bi reflects on your own emotional construct for bi.

[Chicup 41]

Missed this thread when it came out which is a shame. I can understand his fear as I know my wife thinks MM sex is 'icky' as well and she's very turned off by it. Likewise I can even understand the lack of thinking it was cheating and more like masturbation. If anything I'd say that would point to a 'not-bi' thing, though obviously we haven't had any updates.

 

Funny thing about it was back when we first started swinging the Mrs. asked me if it were ok if she played FF alone. I said yes, and she never had to ask if it came up. But she did still ask. What was done here was still cheating, even if I can sympathize with his motives.

 

Personally I hope he never did tell her about it, the reason being that it might do far more harm then good, I just wouldn't continue the behavior.

 

It's been over a year, but I just read it and have to reply. So much holier than thou judgment going on in these responses! So much boxing this situation into swinging power words like cheating. Hey, we've all lied and most of us, perhaps all of us, have cheated. Oh I forgot, there are a few of you perfect humans out there.

 

Not perfect, never cheated. Just saying.

[Big Rock 173]

JandY, this isn't "sort", of cheating, it is an actual betrayal of trust. Many of the posters are getting caught up in the "gay", aspect and down-playing the infidelity aspect of this situation. You cheated on your W and he cheated on his, pure and simple. The "gay", aspect can and should be dealt with , yes, but the infidelity is far worse, IMO. It's a very slippery slope when people start to have "secret", liasons. You and him should tell your wives, immediately.