Would You Share Your Condoms?

[Spoomonkey 421]

I was talking to a friend here about an experience we had with a single male some time ago. It was a first "play" situation and we were clear that condoms were expected.

 

The guy turned out to be fairly well endowed; the kind of gear that requires the larger size wrapper. When "condom time" arrived he pulled out one of the cheap thick skinned, average size condoms that you might buy in a truck stop bathroom.

 

Needless to say - it didn't fit.

 

He couldn't put it on and maintain his erection.

 

This led to him asking (in a mock casual voice) if we ever play without.

 

End play date.

 

It struck me as a bit odd that a guy who said he had a lot of experience seemed to have no clue what condom size he needed. Was it a ploy to go without? Did he really buy one at the last minute when he knew ahead of time that there would be play? Did he simply have no experience with "safe sex"?

 

I actually use condoms that would have worked and did have mine with me, but the whole thing felt wrong to me. So - I let him flounder and leave. After all, I don't use condoms with Mrs Spoo and couldn't have been expected to provide them. I didn't feel very benevolent.

 

I have had men right before play come to me and ask if I had one. Spur of the moment situations can leave anyone in a bind. I have no problem with that and do carry extra just in case that happens. But this wasn't a "spur of the moment" kind of thing.

 

Mrs Spoo was upset as well and was glad I didn't offer one of mine.

 

What would you have done? And do you know what condom size works for you? How long did it take you to figure that out?

[TNT 1,155]

Maybe I'm looking at things a bit different.

 

I agree that everyone should carry their own condoms and know what size works for them...to me that's just common courtesy. Especially when you know there's going to be play.

 

However, when we invite someone to play with us and if it's our rule that condoms are required then, I make sure I have plenty on hand. In fact, I keep them on hand at all times in a range of sizes (flavors and colors ). If we've invited someone to play I don't want a little thing like them not having condoms on hand to spoil my fun. It's no skin off my nose to reach over, grab a handful and tell them to take their pick. Now, if they refuse to wear one, then play time would come to a halt.

 

So, to answer the question...Would we share our condoms? You bet.

 

Teresa

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Spoo ~ We would have handled the situation as you did.

 

I don't like to babysit adults. If I sense a person is habitually irresponsible, expects others to be responsible for them, it's a turn off.

 

More important, this guy was playing you. I am also turned off by people who are trying to pull one over on others.

 

Not to have you all think we're stingy with condoms, we are happy to hand them out when we find ourselves in an unplanned play situation.

[two4youinswva 3,069]

Last month we went to a party. We had to get ready last-minute, and we forgot several things. Unfortunately, condoms were one of the things we forgot.

 

We didn't realize we had forgotten the condom bag until everyone was naked. Fortunately, we were playing with some couples we've had experience with, and they just laughed at/with us, and pulled out a bucket full.

 

Now, had we been hooking up with a new (to us) couple, we'd have felt like complete asses. If the roles were reversed, and a new couple pulled this on us, we'd be suspicious as well. If it was a couple we'd had previous experience with, we'd laugh it off as well.

 

So, I guess if it was a new play date that had been planned, and he showed up without condoms, I'd feel the way Spoo did, and would probably do the same thing.

 

Especially if he brought just one inner-tube style condom. What's up with that? We can go through several condoms during a play session, between playing, taking a break, etc. etc.

[sweet_tna 680]

We always bring condoms with us anywhere we think play might happen. Heck, sometimes, we BOTH have them on us, just in case the other forgot.

 

Now I'd be willing to bet ya'll told this dude that condoms were required for intercourse, which to me is a warning that he should be prepared to bring some. Strike one.

 

He only brought one, and one that didn't even fit. I agree that he should have brought something that he knew would work. (Methinks something is rotten in the state of Denmark). Strike two.

 

Then the guy has the nerve to ask if ya'll play without at that point (when you're already not too impressed with him). Strike three, he's OUT.

 

Now had this guy been a friend/playmate you knew better, or just not had a neon "asshole" sign flashing above his head, I imagine you would have felt more magnanimous.

 

And that's pretty much the basis upon which we'd make our decision.

 

=)

[Spoomonkey 421]

sweet_tna said:

Now had this guy been a friend/playmate you knew better, or just not had a neon "asshole" sign flashing above his head, I imagine you would have felt more magnanimous.

 

Absolutely!

 

We've had that happen - like two4youinswva said. No problem there. We even have a couple of sizes, just in case.

 

It was the complete lack of "planning" on his part that bugged me. The whole wrong size thing made me scratch my head. I mean, just like learning to tie our skates is the first thing you need to learn before you play hockey, using a condom should be the first thing you learn before swinging (unless you are a "no condom" couple).

[LFM2 1,484]

Ummm... yeah. I think I would have handled this particular situation exactly the same. I don't have a problem with giving them out, but not in this situation. I agree with LM and he was a player.

 

We were at a couples house without condoms one night. They didn't offer Dave one and I don't think he asked for one, so he was totally soft swap all that night, while I was enjoying the full swap with her husband. Really, had I known that he forgot and they didn't offer, I think we both shoulda gone soft swap or went home. I wonder sometimes if we (Dave) weren't played that night.

 

Now, I've never bought condoms from a truck stop bathroom, and I don't know the quality of the condoms that come out of there, but we actually pack condoms all over the place when we go play. Some in his pocket, some in my purse and some in our play bag. We know what size is good but keep a few other sizes for others who may forget.

We want everyone to have fun!!

[TNT 1,155]

Spoo (and everyone else), Please don't take this the wrong way...you two made a decision and it was the right decision for you two at the time but...

 

I'm really left scratching my head over this one. I just don't see what the big deal is. The guy forgot condoms...it does happen even when it's a planned play date. There were condoms available but it was decided not to offer them and the play date was ended.

 

I can see where the guy might have thought if he showed up without any (or one the wrong size in this case) that he would/could possibly get some without having to wear one but...if one had been offered to him wouldn't that have turned the tables on him if in deed he was trying to play you two? Had one been offered and he then refused it and/or pouted in anyway about having to wear one, then that would have been the point where I would have called an end to the evenings activities.

 

As I said...I guess I'm seeing things a bit different. Ted is on his way home so when he gets here I'll have him read this thread and see if he can give me a better insight as to why I'm totally just not getting this one.

 

 

On a side note: This does remind me of a time we met a very nice gentleman for a "get to know each other" drink...we hadn't planned on playing that night so didn't go prepared for play. As it turned out, we really hit it off and decided to play. Unfortunately we had no condoms and neither did he so...off to Wally-World we went. I've often wondered what the check-out person thought when all three of us went through the line together and the only thing that was purchased was a box of condoms

 

 

Teresa

[Spoomonkey 421]

TNT said:

I'm really left scratching my head over this one. I just don't see what the big deal is. The guy forgot condoms...it does happen even when it's a planned play date. There were condoms available but it was decided not to offer them and the play date was ended.

 

No offense at all, Teresa. I think you are one of those people who could kick me in the face and I'd have a tough time being offended (though I beg you not to make me prove it).

 

There certainly could have been other factors that I am not thinking about that played into it. He was kind of selfish and pretty much laid back, but really I think the condom thing bugged me.

 

We've had it happen before and each time the male (married and single) has come to me and told me they need a condom. That is perfectly fine. But I kind of resonate with Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) from Fight Club when he tells Ed Norton to cut the foreplay and just ask. Maybe it was the fact that he just never approached either of us. Even when it didn't work he never asked - he went straight to "do you play without?"

 

Maybe it was the timing of the question...

 

I've had guys ask for condoms, ask to make sure certain things were okay in bed, I even had a guy whip out his tackle box and ask me if Mrs Spoo would be bothered by his "Prince Albert" (not my favorite memory that).

 

But here's a guy with experience (per him) who didn't know what his condom size was. For me there are a lot of red flags with that. Heck - had he just out and out forgot it that might have been a different story (unless he went for the no-condom kill).

 

But I know what you are saying, Teresa, and a different view definitely gets the discussion going!

 

[Spoomonkey 421]

LFM2 said:

Some in his pocket, some in my purse and some in our play bag.

 

Like a ninja hiding weapons...

 

I'm the same way. In fact, any time I am going to be in a social situation, I carry some in my pocket. The reason for me is more mental - condoms make me feel like I am getting up to no good. It makes me more social and flirty - even if I have no intention of using them.

[J&JSwinginPA 18]

Maybe it was the timing of the question...

 

It sounds like there was some kind of inflection or little nuance about this situation that immediately sent up your defenses. Something made you uneasy, you made the right call, the wife supports the decision. Well played in my book.

[todesireu 16]

No condom, no play and we always carry plenty. (in the right size, too)

[good times 991]

Spoomonkey said:

What would you have done?

Depends on the situation I guess, sometimes if someone didn't adequately plan ahead we would give them a condom, but recently we have been less inclined to do so than in the past.

 

We have a couple of guys at the club that somehow found out that I often have a condom with me suitable for their size equipment. Once in a while they would get something going with someone (with someone else, both are single guys, and we don't play with singles) and they would come and ask me for a condom. Now I know that the condoms the club keeps in their bucket won't even fit my pinky finger, so because I could relate, I would give them one. Then Mrs. GT brought it to my attention that I was giving out more condoms than I was using myself (depending on how you look at it, that could be kind of depressing). About the same time I noticed that these two guys didn't even bother bringing their own as they expected they could get one from me for free. So, now days I am pretty tight when it comes to giving out condoms as I have taken the view that we all know what we are coming to the club for. So it is our responsibility to come prepared.....or make a quick trip to Walmart.

 

Spoomonkey said:

And do you know what condom size works for you? How long did it take you to figure that out?

Yep, finally found one that works better than most. It took one Viagra, and the better part of one Sunday trying a bunch of different condoms with Mrs. GT to figure out which one would work best.

 

I wonder what the checkout clerk at the store thought when Mrs. GT came up to the counter and purchased one box of every brand and style condom they had.

[knb2004 364]

Reminds me of a house party we went to a few months back. Both myself and Mrs knb routinely carry far more condoms than we could possibly use, but the problem was I found myself in the basement play room, while my pants (with the condoms in the pocket) were out by the pool.

 

Having a fairly timely need, I simply hollered to the gathered denziens "Condom, condom, I need a condom here!"

 

I got belted by about 8 of them lol.

[sweet_tna 680]

Reminds me of a house party we went to a few months back. Both myself and Mrs knb routinely carry far more condoms than we could possibly use, but the problem was I found myself in the basement play room, while my pants (with the condoms in the pocket) were out by the pool.

 

Having a fairly timely need, I simply hollered to the gathered denziens "Condom, condom, I need a condom here!"

 

I got belted by about 8 of them lol.

 

Sorry, but the mental image there just makes me giggle.

 

=)

[knb2004 364]

Ha, no apology necessary, it makes me giggle too.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

Glad this is not the question I thought it was when I read the title.

 

My evening was saved once but a guy who generously provided me with one from his own private supply. We all sometimes make mistakes and forget things.

 

Don't know why but any size condom fits on me.

[charms123 52]

We ALWAYS provide the condoms. They are always name brand and this way we know they have not been tampered with. "Oh my god, how did that thing break?" is unacceptable.

 

So to answer your question, its really never a factor. you dont wear, you dont fuck me! Sorry, move on. Next, serving number 6, number 6?

[Mr. Sweet 47]

Spoomonkey said:

Like a ninja hiding weapons...

 

I'm the same way. In fact, any time I am going to be in a social situation, I carry some in my pocket. The reason for me is more mental - condoms make me feel like I am getting up to no good. It makes me more social and flirty - even if I have no intention of using them.

 

Really??? Anytime you're in a social situation?????

 

Sunday at Church....Condoms in my pocket.......dinner with the boss.......Condoms in my pocket.......Trip to the Smithsonian......Condoms in my pocket.........at the library for reading hour.......Condoms in my pocket......at the in-laws for Christmas.....Well yeah know of course I've got Condoms in my pocket!!!!!!

 

[Additude 457]

Personally,

 

I think it's no big deal.

 

It's your rule and the guy, for whatever reason did have a condom, it just didn't fit him. Maybe that's all he could get at the time, maybe he thought it would fit, maybe it's really as simple as inexperience...who knows? He did bring one however, it's not like he showed up without one in ignorant defiance of your rule to have one.

 

Sure, it could have also been a ploy....offer the dude a condom if you have one. Why not? It's your rule.

 

It was, I am sure an uncomfortable situation to begin with. Don't be so demanding of the situation.

 

But that's just my opinion.

 

You should always do what works best for you, what your most comfortable with, which is exactly what you did and which isn't necessarily anything bad.

[sexylady1970 69]

We always use them for penetration, no exceptions. Just in case we carry various sizes and shapes too just in case.

 

An interesting situation arose a few months ago.....One of our regular couples mentioned that she had a reaction to the condoms another partner used, but not with ours. We shared the information on what type we used that particular evening. They went out and bought them as well to carry with them for playdates.

[Trace Ekies 187]

Pardon my frustration Spoo, but that guy is a booger-eater.

 

If we met with a single that didn't know his size I'd be a bit befuddled as well...as a 44 yo married man all I want to do is screw and I make damn sure that I'm prepared to do battle if the situation arises. (Although I only need one-third of a Magnum) But an uprepared single? I can't imagine it...

 

Your Booger-eater meter was spot on. It would be no different if he'd showed up sans cock. How can a single man, who wants to screw every woman he sees, show up to a place where a married woman is waiting to fuck him in ways he can't imagine, no strings attached, not be prepared? This is more proof that civility is dead where most are concerned.

 

There have been times where we, experienced swingers, have forgotten that little bag that vibrates her, lubricates holes and protects all. But never on a first playdate. We tend to be a little less concerned with those we know well and don't pay attention to this detail sometimes.

 

I would have done the same thing that you did, without question.

 

Trace

[Spoomonkey 421]

Trace Ekies said:

Pardon my frustration Spoo, but that guy is a booger-eater.

 

Greatest. Line. Ever.

 

 

Trace Ekies said:

How can a single man, who wants to screw every woman he sees, show up to a place where a married woman is waiting to fuck him in ways he can't imagine, no strings attached, not be prepared?

 

I agree with the entire post you've written here. You've painted my frustration perfectly in sharing yours.

 

I do want to say, though, that this happened to be a single male. That part of the story is really incidental. I'd have done the same with a married male - and to be honest we've had situations somewhat like this with a couple of married men - not quite the same, but certainly ones who were trying to "scam" away their rubber.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

J&JSwinginPA said:

It sounds like there was some kind of inflection or little nuance about this situation that immediately sent up your defenses. Something made you uneasy, you made the right call, the wife supports the decision. Well played in my book.

I think J&JSwinginPA sums it up.

 

We all get signals - gut feelings - that guide our decisions. There isn't a set answer for all situations, each is unique, as this thread has shown.

 

Everyone's posts are very interesting!

[Trace Ekies 187]

Spoo,

 

My frustration comes from the fact that you were probably as clear with him about the rules as you are with us in your posts. He has no excuse for his lack of preparation and highlights, once again, the problem we sometimes face.

 

You are correct that I made the assumption that the booger-eater was a single male. My apologies to all single males who understand and then respect the basic rules we set for ourselves and our trysts.

 

This situation could very easily have involved a couple who find it difficult to understand that condoms or whatever else you decide are a must.

 

"Manners are a way of showing respect for others". Disregarding a basic request is a complete lack of manners and thus shows a lack of respect.

 

Had you requested that he or they show up in skin tight wet suits that are purple with pink boa feathers he or they then have a choice. Say "no thanks" and don't show or start looking for a place to buy purple wet suits and a pink boa or two.

 

Had you told the offending suitor that you would provide the condoms then he and Mrs. Spoo may have gotten their brains fucked out and all would be happy.

 

Trace

[Additude 457]

Well then heck,

 

Why don't they just write a 25 point bullet list of "what do not do" and have any interested parties submit to the "terms of understandings" and agree by signing in triplicate copies (one signed copy for each of the parties involved)....and of course all submitted & completed properly prior to any possible consideration......

 

Crikey!!! the dude just didn't have the right sized rubber for wholley molley....

[sweet_tna 680]

Well then heck,

 

Why don't they just write a 25 point bullet list of "what do not do" and have any interested parties submit to the "terms of understandings" and agree by signing in triplicate copies (one signed copy for each of the parties involved)....and of course all submitted & completed properly prior to any possible consideration......

 

Crikey!!! the dude just didn't have the right sized rubber for wholley molley....

 

It wasn't just that the guy came unprepared, it was his lack of RESPECT. It was made clear to him that the Spoos require condoms (a pretty simple rule). But the guy's FIRST response upon finding himself unprepared was to ask them to break that rule.

 

I personally have no interest in playing with anyone who cannot respect our rules.

 

To each their own, though . . .

 

=)

[swing_style 15]

In the way this whole thing went down we would have handled it the same way. My first thought in this situation would have been how he showed a lack of respect for being prepared to accommodate the couple. Then to make matters worse instead of offering to make a quick run up the street to correct the problem he ask if you ever play without. At least that would have shown that he was making the effort to abide by the couples rules, and you might have been more inclined to offer to share. Hopefully he learned something from this situation and will take the couples rules about playing more serious in the future.

[Additude 457]

A related story...

I remember once my Mom had invited the wife, the kids and myself over for dinner in a couple of days and she said she was inviting some other friends over also. At the time I was working second shift, 7 days a week for months, in violation of state labor laws, but typically I'd put in 72 hours a week because the "company" needed me. Mom had asked me "Only bring a Waldorf salad", she knew I liked Waldorf salads....so after packing the kids up in the car and starting the 45 minute drive to Mom's, I remember she wanted me to bring a Waldorf salad....

 

Of course I damned myself and had even forgotten to tell the wife I need to bring this Waldorf salad....of course the wife was a bit upset at me for forgetting, but understood I was pretty much on auto-pilot from my work schedule. I told the wife; maybe Mom will forget she asked me...

 

So we arrived and unpack the kids from the car, you know, toys, diaper bags, and a sundry of other kid related items…then Mom asks me, "Where's the Waldorf salad I asked you to bring???

 

Busted......rats.....

 

Mom, I said, I apologize...with my crazy work schedule I forgot to tell my wife and I just didn't have time to keep shopping and searching for Waldorfs’, I must have checked 5 places and no one had any....

 

At this moment, my Mom is just looking at me straight in the eyes, I'm looking right back with a very serious look on my face at Mom's confusion for a hesitant second, then Mom busts out laughing....we joked about that moment for at least 20 years. I never forgot to bring Waldorf salad again BTW when invited over....of course it was because I'd located a Waldorf distributor and had purchased a stockpile of Waldorfs’ and had frozen them so I'd have them handy when I needed them. (Family's can be fun).

 

My point is, I'm sure glad my Mom didn't deny me from eating dinner because I forgot to bring a salad to the party....and that we are all just human and not everything we do that we think should be routine or considerate is done on purpose or with any malice intended.

 

People make mistakes, infractions if you will and most of the times, these things are just innocent and unintentional. We tend to be more critical of others than we are of ourselves. Remember that "Let he cast the first stone" is a philosophy; it's a way of life.

 

Maybe I'm just a more patient, understanding person, however if Spoo had said, "Check this out, it's the second time this guy has pulled this on us"...then I would have been walking right on in Spoo's shoes (even if he didn't have any on) with his decision.

 

But I personally would not have made that decision right out of the bag like that and I feel that Spoos explanation seemed to be more about intolerance.

 

I'm not saying that Spoos decision was right or wrong, as far as I am concerned it was the right decision for him, and it was his decision to make. What I am saying is that I would not have made the same decision within the same time frame unless there were other extenuating factors.

[sweet_tna 680]

We each have to make the decisions that seem right to us at the time. However, there is one big difference between your story and the one-ill-fitting-condom dude. You forgot to bring something for FAMILY--they know, love, and trust you. Condom dude was a stranger who wanted to get laid. Apples and oranges.

 

=)

[Dave_kat 227]

Kat has a latex allergy, so we have to stick to the non-latex brands. Years ago we only had one option, but now fortunately there are a few more offerings out there.

 

When we go out to play, it's always been a point that we bring our own - with good friends or new friends, it's much easier to have some we know and trust than to have Kat ending up unable to entertain for a week.

 

So our view is a little bit different, but we can certainly sympathise with you. Not to mention if there were other red flags going off, this was certainly a good reason to end the participation.

 

Still.. Pass us some Waldorf salad and we'll bring the condoms and we'll toss em at each other as needed and all have a good time.

[WesternSwing 521]

Mrs. always carries condoms on her just in case a promising situation arises. It's better to bring out own than count on someone else and be without and have the moment die, especially if the lust is running high. But what she carries is the "average" size and definitely wouldn't fit her Mr. Brute Force toyfriend. Those guys better bring their own.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Trace Ekies said:

Had you requested that he or they show up in skin tight wet suits that are purple with pink boa feathers he or they then have a choice. Say "no thanks" and don't show or start looking for a place to buy purple wet suits and a pink boa or two.

 

Great point!

 

I would certainly hope that most men would have the dignity to say "no thanks" to requests that insane, but if those are the rules you agree on then they should be followed.

 

And if a guy is willing to dress up like a flaming "Scuba Steve" then he deserves something for the effort.

 

Trace Ekies said:

Had you told the offending suitor that you would provide the condoms then he and Mrs. Spoo may have gotten their brains fucked out and all would be happy.

 

I am happy to report that Mrs Spoo DID have her brains fucked out. That guy just didn't get to help

 

Really, really appreciate your responses.

[Spoomonkey 421]

swing_style said:

At least that would have shown that he was making the effort to abide by the couple's rules, and you might have been more inclined to offer to share.

 

EXACTLY!

 

Setting that whole meet up was a real pain honestly. We were both hoping for an awesome time. Had I had even the slightest inkling that he respected us and our rules (and "have a condom that fits" isn't an unrealistic expectation) then I'd have gladly tossed him one. Heck - if he had tried his and it didn't fit and he ASKED for one, then I'd have given him one.

 

But plan B should never be "can we just go bareback?"

[Mr.Essex 264]

{insert insulted single male rant here}

 

Now that the technicalities are done, I'll co-sign on the OP. Then again, I've been traveling with condoms long before I decided to re-enter the lifestyle (pun). In fact, I usually carry at least a dozen condoms of various sizes and types (6 Magnums, 4 regular, 2 "foreign brands"). Obviously, I learned the "Just don't tell people to grab things out of your bag/coat/chest of drawers", lesson the hard way. Who would have thought that such a sweet and innocent young man would have such a dark side...

[Spoomonkey 421]

Mr.Essex said:

{insert insulted single male rant here}

 

I've said it already, but I want to reiterate - this HAPPENED to be a single guy. But the post isn't a slap at single men at all. If they all carried your "arsenal" then the world would be a happier place

 

This would have been the same with married males - that just wasn't the particular situation. No insult intended at all.

 

Mr.Essex said:

(6 Magnums, 4 regular, 2 "foreign brands")

 

You are proof that variety truly is the spice of life! That's a pretty good plan - and yes, keep the neighbors out of your drawers.

[sweet_tna 680]

Spoomonkey said:

You are proof that variety truly is the spice of life! That's a pretty good plan - and yes, keep the neighbors out of your drawers.

 

But . . . what if my neighbors are hot?!?

 

?

[RW1F 15]

But . . . what if my neighbors are hot?!?

 

=)

 

Then by all means, fuck them!

 

P.S. Wontcha be my neighbor?