Have you ever considered quitting?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm curious, what things in the lifestyle have made you consider calling it quits? I think most of us at some point have taken breaks for various reasons, but have you ever considered completely throwing in the towel? If so, why?

 

There are times when I seriously feel like all the work just isn't worth the outcome. In the end, we keep at it and just re-arrange the way that we do things to fit what works for us. Right now we are "on a break" from actively swinging (due to health issues) but we still go to the socials and enjoy the atmosphere and the friends.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Ohh, I don't know....

 

Maybe if hell freezes over or something

 

 

Sorry, we had a great weekend

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here-- I quit to marry Ed. He always knew I Played while dating, even told Ed about Swinging the first time he asked me out (Ed, I'm non-monagamous) it never bothered him. From his point of view, until we were married, I was free to do as I pleased. Moreover, that if he had a problem with it, it was 'his' problem not mine.

 

Well, I did give it up for marriage. Yet, after a month or so, Ed asked if I missed it and I explained,"No. But if you ever want to try it,let me know." I guess once he realized that I wasn't 'pining' away for new sex partners he was less threatened. Ed did ask to try Swinging and loved it and we went from there.

 

The nicest thing he said to me about our first Swing experience together was ,"Watching you have sex, is like watching art." I adore that man of mine.

[Ed & Bunny 160]

Yes I have and am prepared to do so in an instant if need be. A good portion of thinking about quitting is our lack of luck in the lifestyle. 3 out of 3 men nonperformers doesnt make for great success. Meeting people in the first place is seeming to be so difficult to begin with. Sometimes we wonder why it has to be so hard and is it worth it. But we keep trying. We see so many others having fun that we figure our time and place has to come sooner or later.

 

As for quitting in an instant, that will happen if I ever feel that out trying is hurting Bunny too much. If she ever starts getting overly depressed because she feels she is the cause for our lack of success because of her size, its over. I will not have her hurt over this. I really have to respect her. We know her size is a limiting factor in finding playmates, but she is still willing to keep trying.

[Chicup 41]

In the process right now, but I wouldn't call it quitting I'd call it being passive.

 

We have no problem with swinging, but its just a lower priority than it used to be. If an opportunity fell into our lap, odds are we would take it.

[knb2004 364]

Yeah, but not until we're so old that the sight of us having sex is repulsive even to us. Should be 40-45 years from now lol.

[JandCMI 15]

We sometimes feel like "why bother?", especially after a particularly painful rejection or string of rejections that begin to impact our self-confidence. But, like idiots, we keep plugging away at it

[sweet_tna 680]

Mr. Sweet and I hit a point awhile back where he and I just weren't communicating well at all. It led to some issues between us, and I was real tempted to just pull the plug on swinging. Being in a slump made it even more tempting.

 

Once we worked through those issues, I was willing to "give it another shot" as it were, and . . . we're still here!

[realcplub2 513]

Over the years we have floated in and out a few times..

 

As far as quitting, we have a few freinds that did quit, the stress they claimed in placed on them was too much for one party or the other.. to which we translated, they were expereincing jealousy issues, and stopping was how they chose to deal with it (although they claimed it had nothing to do with us)

 

We have stopped for a few different issues from health to to be honest just not having the time to deal with building a relationship..

[Alura 2,774]

More than likely I have quit swinging. Since losing Mrs. Alura, there seems to be no point. Mind you, I still find the hobby interesting. In the highly unlikely event that I'll meet another lady with an attitude toward life like Laura, I would probably jump back in with both feet (or whatever body part might be needed.)

 

This board is the limit of my swinging nowadays. I read the interesting threads and do my job as moderator. That's enough swinging for me at the moment. Maybe someday I'll go to a Meet Up, just because they're so much fun!

 

Mr. Alura

[BiloxiCouple 695]

We didn't have to consider it, my health has shut us down for quite a while.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

My wife and I started into swinging almost a year ago. We agreed early on that if we had a string of neutral experiences to start things off, or if we had a few negative experiences to start things off, we'd stop. We might re-evaluate, and try again, but we'd stop at that point and maybe after trying again with the same results we'd stop permanently and decide it wasn't for us.

 

Every actual swinging experience so far that we've had has been good or better. Getting to the point of playing has taken more work than we'd like, but once playing it's been very good usually.

 

I think I was more amenable to swinging from the get go than my wife. Now, she's as into as I am. The other night, while cuddling in bed I said "You like having new cocks to play with, don't you?" and she said "More than I care to admit!" and followed that up with "I think I'll always want new cocks to play with". My wife is hooked, 100%. Me too

 

This might change some day in the future. But, not the foreseeable future at this point.

 

What could cause us to quit?

• Not negative experiences now, as we know we can have great experiences. Swinging will never be a priority for us.
  
• If life gets overly busy for other reasons, it could cause us to pause for a while until things settle down. But, I know that if my wife had found a great sex partner and love having sex with him I'd still try very hard to get her time to have sex with him.
  
• Health issues with either of us could pause things, or permanently stop things if it was debilitating or (especially) contagious.
  
• If we were discovered by parties whom we don't want to know, stopping swinging wouldn't un-discover us. So, I think discovery wouldn't stop us.
  
• Loss of interest for reasons unknown at this point. This might happen; I've read here of couples that have swung for years who are less jazzed by swinging because it's commonplace in their life. I don't _think_ this will happen with us, but I've no idea if it will or not really.
  

 

In short, for now, swinging is with us to stay.

[peppergrrl 15]

Ooh, oohh, me, me! As a single now, I really don't see the point in continuing as a swinger. Because it is infinitely easier to find a woman to play with if I want to be a woman, or to find a guy if I want to be with a guy. It's much more difficult to find a couple where all 3 of you are equally attracted, there is equal "time" where all 3 get lots of attention, and the couple doesn't treat you like a toy to play with.

 

I haven't played with any of my swinger friends in 7 months. If it weren't for the social aspect of swinging, I think I'd get completely out of the scene altogether.

 

Pepper

[MrXxotic 18]

In the process right now, but I wouldn't call it quitting I'd call it being passive.

 

We have no problem with swinging, but its just a lower priority than it used to be. If an opportunity fell into our lap, odds are we would take it.

 

We have been in this position for about 2 years. Too many more important things in our life at this time. If the opportunity presented itself we would but we haven't put any effort into it.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Ooh, oohh, me, me! As a single now, I really don't see the point in continuing as a swinger. Because it is infinitely easier to find a woman to play with if I want to be a woman, or to find a guy if I want to be with a guy. It's much more difficult to find a couple where all 3 of you are equally attracted, there is equal "time" where all 3 get lots of attention, and the couple doesn't treat you like a toy to play with.

 

Those couples looking for the elusive unicorn need to read the above over and over again until they get it. What Peppergrrl describes above is one of the chief reasons why single bi-females are very hard to find in the lifestyle. Possible, but hard. Quite hard.

[Tia Vampire 167]

The day after New Year's was suppose to be our quitting date because of not being able to find that four way attractiveness. We just found two groups that are closer to home and the peeps are all attractive. So we decided to give it one more year before we call it quits.

[VanHlebar 187]

I wouldn't say that we have actually considered quitting, but like some others, we have taken breaks for various reasons. Currently we really aren't on a break, but we really aren't actively seeking playmates at this time. With everything that is going on our lives right now it just isn't a priority at all. If something where to come our way by accident, then yup we would probably take it, but we are ok if it doesn't also.

 

-Van

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

I wouldn't say that we have actually considered quitting, but like some others, we have taken breaks for various reasons. Currently we really aren't on a break, but we really aren't actively seeking playmates at this time. With everything that is going on our lives right now it just isn't a priority at all. If something where to come our way by accident, then yup we would probably take it, but we are ok if it doesn't also.

 

-Van

 

Can we crash into your house? Not any real damage, but just enough to be called an "accident"?

[VanHlebar 187]

Can we crash into your house? Not any real damage, but just enough to be called an "accident"?

 

Haven't you read about us lately!? I think we have had enough accidents in our house for a bit...now if you know how to lay tile in a basement.

 

But you know..accidents do happen.

-Van

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Haven't you read about us lately!? I think we have had enough accidents in our house for a bit...now if you know how to lay tile in a basement.

 

But you know..accidents do happen.

-Van

 

I think you'd prefer my wife laying the tile. First, the view is better, and second she's better at it

[corynlaine 118]

I have been thinking about this thread for the last couple of days. We've been reading this board for some time, and while I spend more time here than she - the nature of my work involves all kinds of time when I sit around and wait for system reboots and software up/down loads. We've been going at this on her pace, but until she decided that we would at least take the first steps in meeting people I/we never contacted anyone and waist their time.

 

For a variety of reasons, including in no small measure stories like the bust in the CT club just down the street from us, we decided that clubs are just not the way we want to go. From the beginning we knew that the possible matches for us will be limited simply because of our interest. But we have contacted and been contacted by several couples who expressed the same interest only to be disappointed. After e-mails back and forth and weeks and months of "maybe next week" to meet every one has flaked on us including several couples from SLS.

 

Now, we can't decide if there is something wrong with us or what. But they've seen our pic from the start, presumable read our profile and re reading all the e-mails we certainly can't see anything offensive we've said.

 

But it seems to me like it's way too much work and she's pretty much let down and disappointed that after considerable time of wrestling with the idea and everything that goes with it people are really just not for real.

 

So are we quitting, I am not sure that we can call it that since we never got started.

[teasemeplez 15]

well we took a very long break because first i found out i was pregnant after trying for almost 4 years then our daughter was born too early and i didnt want to be touched by hubby let alone by anyone else so that put a damper then we decided we wanted to actively start trying to get pregnant again and that him doing anything and me doing anything would lessen our chances of having a baby because i have infertility issues so we need all the spermies we can get lol then i got pregnant and since the loss of the other baby we took everything very cautious and didnt share eachother no more he didnt want no one else cause he wanted to be there for everything now our daughter is almost a yr and we are actively seeking so we took roughly a 2 and half year break and we keep returning so i dont think we would ever give it up completely. unless i was dieing or something.

[TheMiddleDoor 68]

I've concidered it. being single,sometimes the doorman job is like being Tantalus from the greek myths..surrounded with what you want, but everything is just out of reach. I'm not going to use my position to get anything, that would be unethical. it's tough sometimes, and damn lonely, but there it is.

 

Allen the Doorman

[Ed & Bunny 160]

Now, we can't decide if there is something wrong with us or what.

 

This is just about how we are starting to feel but unlike the full origional post for us it is online and in person. With another bad night at an event last night we are really begining to wonder either whats wrong with us or is the lifestyle all talk and no action. We spent the entire night feeling as if there was a sign above us saying stay away from these two. If it is us I dont know what to change, and if it is just bad luck, how much more can we tolerate.

I cant say we will quit being swingers. Having tried and being willing to swap will always be part of us now. That genie can never go back in the bottle, and I dont really want it to. But we may just stop actively trying to persue any activity. If something happens to drop our way fine, but no more money and time wasted on no returns.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

This is just about how we are starting to feel but unlike the full origional post for us it is online and in person. With another bad night at an event last night we are really begining to wonder either whats wrong with us or is the lifestyle all talk and no action. We spent the entire night feeling as if there was a sign above us saying stay away from these two. If it is us I dont know what to change, and if it is just bad luck, how much more can we tolerate.

I cant say we will quit being swingers. Having tried and being willing to swap will always be part of us now. That genie can never go back in the bottle, and I dont really want it to. But we may just stop actively trying to persue any activity. If something happens to drop our way fine, but no more money and time wasted on no returns.

 

It's sad to read stories like this. It makes me want to drive to Michigan with my wife

 

Seriously though...

 

My wife and I too feel at times like we've worked very hard to make headway in swinging. We'd like to be a lot more active than we are. Some of that is logistics on our end. Some of it decidedly isn't.

 

We decided to change strategies, as it were, and we continue to adapt what we do to maximize our return on the investment in time, energy, and money. It's getting better. We're chalking some of this up to experience. We're learning how swinging works, how the swing clubs work, what to do, what not to do, etc. Over time, it's slowly getting better.

 

Yet, it still takes a lot.

 

We're more or less of the opinion that if we find a couple and/or a single male with whom we really click well and enjoy immensely, and that special couple or single male satisfies our desire for swinging, we'll stick with them, assuming they're amenable and available. Not monogamy with them per se, but we'll focus our energies on them. It does take a lot of effort to find that person/couple.

 

But, that's really not much different than vanilla dating. You spend a lot of time, energy and money trying to find that special someone. The intent is considerably different, but the investment really isn't all that different in abstract.

 

It is very, very rare for swinging to just fall into your lap when you're not looking. Example; I saw a couple at a restaurant the other day. My playdar was going nuts, and I was certain they were a swinging couple. They were attractive, roughly our age, and seemed pleasant from what little I could gather without actually talking to them. A good potential match for us. But, even though we're swingers, I didn't approach them. It was a vanilla setting. They might have been swingers, waiting for something to fall into their laps...and it walked right past them (several times in fact) without dropping in their laps.

 

If you want to swing, you've got to make it happen. And yes, that means investing time, energy and money.

[dan5660 15]

I have read all the posts in this thread and it has been really interesting. Sort of a mixed bag as you would expect. I was ready to post a thread about some statistics I have gathered after talking with over 700 couples. The questions included why they were quitting or wanting to quit and why they stay swinging. I tried to spell check, then I needed to download the spell checker, and lost my entire post. Oh, well I guess I should have thought about the consequences before clicking the button.

 

As far as my wife and I, we have thought about quitting! Mainly, due to the time involved and all of the attempts which do not workout. It is a lot of work as stated in a previous post. However, we are still swinging and take breaks away from the action whenever we need it.

 

I will list (without the numbers) the main reasons couples told me they were quitting or why they continue to swing. This is a sample of what I lost in my previous attempted post.

 

Reasons for quitting:

 

Number one: New couple and had bad first experiences or swinging was just not for them.

Number two: Too much of a hassle! Too many couples with too many issues.

Number three: The wives said enough! It was surprising to find out how many wives were in the lifestyle mainly because their husbands wanted them there and they felt it would keep their marriages or relationships together.

 

 

Reasons for staying:

 

Number one: A way to socialize! Sex was considered to be a side issue. Meeting people in a social setting was more important.

 

Number two: Couples felt their sexual relationships were needing a lift and decided to try swinging and liked it. Most of these couples had secure/sable marriages or relationships.

 

Number three: The husband/male significant other wanted to swing, so the wife agreed. Most of the wives said, they would not be swinging if their husbands or significant other did not put a high priority on it.

 

This was just a brief run down of the top three I found when I questioned couples. It is not meant to be a totally accurate account of how all swingers or use to be swingers felt. It is just a slice of the pie and a look into the world of swinging.

 

If I get time again I could provide the stats for the top three in each category and a little more information.

 

This is just some information I gathered, it is not intended to be a official poll. It is not intended to offend anyone in anyway. The information I provide is just that "information" for anyone to use as they see fit. If someone learns from it great, if you do not believe the results, this is just fine too. I would welcome any information from someone who has maintained a good number of records gathered swinging information. I am always interested.

 

I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, I am a Mechanical Engineer and work in the Nuclear Technology field.

[Ed & Bunny 160]

It's sad to read stories like this. It makes me want to drive to Michigan with my wife

 

Seriously though...

 

My wife and I too feel at times like we've worked very hard to make headway in swinging. We'd like to be a lot more active than we are. Some of that is logistics on our end. Some of it decidedly isn't.

 

We decided to change strategies, as it were, and we continue to adapt what we do to maximize our return on the investment in time, energy, and money. It's getting better. We're chalking some of this up to experience. We're learning how swinging works, how the swing clubs work, what to do, what not to do, etc. Over time, it's slowly getting better.

 

Yet, it still takes a lot.

 

We're more or less of the opinion that if we find a couple and/or a single male with whom we really click well and enjoy immensely, and that special couple or single male satisfies our desire for swinging, we'll stick with them, assuming they're amenable and available. Not monogamy with them per se, but we'll focus our energies on them. It does take a lot of effort to find that person/couple.

 

But, that's really not much different than vanilla dating. You spend a lot of time, energy and money trying to find that special someone. The intent is considerably different, but the investment really isn't all that different in abstract.

 

It is very, very rare for swinging to just fall into your lap when you're not looking. Example; I saw a couple at a restaurant the other day. My playdar was going nuts, and I was certain they were a swinging couple. They were attractive, roughly our age, and seemed pleasant from what little I could gather without actually talking to them. A good potential match for us. But, even though we're swingers, I didn't approach them. It was a vanilla setting. They might have been swingers, waiting for something to fall into their laps...and it walked right past them (several times in fact) without dropping in their laps.

 

If you want to swing, you've got to make it happen. And yes, that means investing time, energy and money.

 

Thank you for your nice reply. We are actualy feeling better now after spending some time private messaging and getting an email or two. Your reply is iceing on the cake. We have decided that we were the victims of bad luck again and have learned and thought of some things to try to avoid the problem we faced Saturday night. Not sure any of it would have worked with the really bad timing/luck on this one though. It was a party where 95 percent of the guests were first timers and we figure most came with current friends to just check it out but not nessesarily to find new partners. All of that was the perfect setup for us feeling very isolated. The saving grace is that the crew of hosts was extemely wonderfull to us and even sent us an email thanking us for coming and in hopes we had a good time. (Not sure how to resond to them on the last part:dontknow:). We will prob tell them in such a way that maybe they can help another couple in the future but do it without making them feel bad. So for now we are back on track and wishing that wherever or bad luck came from, it would crawl back under its rock or go bother someone like the fundies who deserve it more than we do:D.

[CXXC 435]

Mrs. CXXC and I have been forced to step back a time or two due to scheduling conflicts between us. And by stepping back, I mean swinging as a couple. We still play as solo's.

 

There was one time last December when things were a little off between us, however. It was due to the schedule issue, actually. I had been out of town so much and when I was home she was working a horrific schedule so we only saw each other in passing. We really had no time to connect. We could not be TOGETHER long enough to enjoy each other. We decided to hold off an ANY play, couples or singles, until we were able to re-connect as a couple ourselves. It was actually only a matter of weeks but still, we stopped to get our ground beneath us again.

 

We have also learned that, like anything involving other human beings, you must work dilligently and put in your time, effor and money (At times) to reap any rewards. Sometimes those rewards trickle in like a high school water fountain. There are other times when we feel we are drinking from a fire hydrant.

 

In our lifestyle history, we have tried to make enough friends to enable us to call them over for dinner and some play time. We are adding to the list as often as we can to enable us to play with more than one couple all the time. We have, unfortunately, not found anyone locally that we like to play with. It is odd that we find great and lovely people 2+ hours away yet we have not had a connection with anyone in our area.

 

It is frustrating at times. It makes one re-think ones efforts. But when you read the posts and ideas posted on this fine board, you learn how to NOT make the same mistakes others have made.

[willyoats 324]

My wife was just getting tired of it. She finally decided that the number of yeast infections, a constant problem with new partners, was not worth the trouble. Nor was the increasing risk of other infections. So she quit cold turkey.

 

I did not. With her blessing, I had another regular partner for a while. Finally that came to an end when the other partner decided it was time to quit. Now I have a soft swing sex with two partners a few times a year. Who knows when that will stop. Not for a long time, I hope.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Thank you for your nice reply. We are actualy feeling better now after spending some time private messaging and getting an email or two. Your reply is iceing on the cake. We have decided that we were the victims of bad luck again and have learned and thought of some things to try to avoid the problem we faced Saturday night. Not sure any of it would have worked with the really bad timing/luck on this one though. It was a party where 95 percent of the guests were first timers and we figure most came with current friends to just check it out but not nessesarily to find new partners. All of that was the perfect setup for us feeling very isolated. The saving grace is that the crew of hosts was extemely wonderfull to us and even sent us an email thanking us for coming and in hopes we had a good time. (Not sure how to resond to them on the last part:dontknow:). We will prob tell them in such a way that maybe they can help another couple in the future but do it without making them feel bad. So for now we are back on track and wishing that wherever or bad luck came from, it would crawl back under its rock or go bother someone like the fundies who deserve it more than we do:D.

 

My wife and I recently attended a club we'd never been to, some states away from home. Our experience there tracks a bit with yours.

 

The club was very nice, the owners wonderful, and the atmosphere good. But, we ended up not playing with anyone.

 

For me, I know the rule about going out to a swing club without having any expectations except to have fun. I didn't follow it. I was very much in the mood, and was strongly looking forward to my wife having sex with an other man that evening. It didn't happen. I came away disappointed, frustrated, wondering what was wrong with us, etc. Lots of negative thoughts. We did have fun, just not the fun I was planning on having. In fact, we had a lot of fun!

 

I wouldn't chalk it up to bad luck. It just didn't work out that night.

 

Another way to look at it; an unsuccessful (however you measure that) evening out to swing is just one less such night until you're successful.

 

Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative...you know the jingle

[LFM2 1,482]

I think about it all the time ~~ especially during the summer months. Dave lives an hour away from me in the summer. He comes home on weekends, but that really doesn't even give us enough time reconnect as best friends and lovers to want to invite anyone else in.

 

During the winter months, its much easier to seek out others for fun. He's home every night and we love to go out and socialize with others. While we can and do go out, the other couples are more interested in being your friends first and then players later. This just doesn't work for us because sometimes, once we get to know them that well, we don't want to have sex with them. Call us weird.

 

Is it really worth all the work we put into finding someone? Probably not. But... I'm sure we won't quit soon. We'll keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on trying to find the couple or single that is ready for play.