Boyfriend likes fmf but isn't sure about mfm, and I want both

[stacey 15]

How do I get him to allow this to happen? He really enjoys being with 2 women, (what guy doesn't) but I want to experience 2 guys. He fumbles around for words when I talk about it, and it usually ends up in a fight. I don't think it's fair that he can have his fantasy's fulfilled but I can't have mine. How do I handle this, can someone please tell me.

[Rackir 159]

How do I get him to allow this to happen? He really enjoys being with 2 women, (what guy doesn't) but I want to experience 2 guys. He fumbles around for words when I talk about it, and it usually ends up in a fight. I don't think it's fair that he can have his fantasy's fulfilled but I can't have mine. How do I handle this, can someone please tell me.

 

Ah, fairness again .

 

I'd think that the first step is to get him to clearly enunciate what it is about the MFM scenario that he doesn’t like. Without having a good understanding of his resistance it's hard to work on it. You may want to leave out the issue of "fair", because that can make it seem as though you are only doing the FMF threesomes for his benefit, which I am assuming is not the case. After all, if it's something you both enjoy, isn’t it automatically fair?

 

Now I know things aren’t always that simple, it may be that you really enjoy the FMF's, but for him it's the realization of a lifelong fantasy, which makes them somwhat more satisfying to him than to you (not to indicate that they are unsatisfying to you, just not AS satisfying), but playing the fair card can make t seem that way, and it might be part of his mental defense.

 

So rather than go for fair, just explain to him what you want and why you want it. Maybe share with him a fantasy involving two guys while you two are in bed together. I can't speak for your boyfriend, but I suspect most guys have a hard time not getting turned on by a scenario that their girlfriend is getting obviously worked up over. Once it's entered into his sexual paradigm through your fantasy it may be a shorter trip to making it reality. Porn is another good avenue for that to take place. Watch a porn with him, and when the inevitable MFM scene comes on, let him see how hot it makes you.

 

Personally I can't picture the scenario which would whip my wife into a masturbational frenzy that I would then say no too. Remember, we (guys) are conditioned damn near from birth to judge our sexual prowess by how well we satisfy women. If he sees how much the thought turns you on, there’s a fair chance he's going to want to be the one to give it to you.

 

 

Edit - Oh yeah, and "Hi! Welcome to the board!"

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Concur with Rackir about the sense of "fair". Drop the issue from a fairness perspective, because swinging isn't about being fair. What works for you is what works for you.

 

I recall a poll here a while back, well participated in, that showed the biggest fantasy of male participants of this board wasn't being with two women, it was being in an MFM. I think that surprises most people. Me personally, I thoroughly enjoy watching my wife have sex with another man, and participating in that. She absolutely loves having sex and giving head at the same time, which is of course impossible without another man involved. As Rackir said, how much she enjoys it is a seriously major turn on for me, and I'm very happy to oblige her and make that fantasy a reality.

 

Some men, like some women, can be insecure. There can be any number of reasons why your partner might feel threatened by another man having sex with you. It would be good to ensure your partner that this is sexual, and not emotional, that you are utterly devoted to him, love him, will not leave him over this, etc. You might also want to make it clear to him that you want him directly involved in the MFM, not as a spectator (if you do). My wife doesn't mind me watching, but she prefers me being involved. After all, she can have one-on-one sex with me. She doesn't need the other guy for that.

 

I agree with Rackir; make your partner aware, through various means, how much the fantasy turns you on.

[Alura 2,774]

I recall a poll here a while back, well participated in, that showed the biggest fantasy of male participants of this board wasn't being with two women, it was being in an MFM.

 

Mrs. Alura was fond of saying, "Most women's favorite fantasy involves having three men... one doing laundry, one cooking, and one running the vacuum cleaner."

 

Mr. Alura

[stacey 15]

Thank you for those words of wisdom. I have never said the words fair to him, just to myself. I think watching those videos might help out a lot, we love to do that. Stacey

[VegasLee 1,486]

I have a bit of a concern that when you want to talk about what you want you state "it usually ends up in a fight"

 

If that is the case I would cool the swinging for a bit until you two can learn to talk without fighting. That is the first rule of this lifestyle, being able to talk to each other about anything without it turning into a fight.

[Sunswept 161]

How do I get him to allow this to happen?

If your guy is not ready to swing, or does not want to -you can't.

 

In FFM a guy can get his yet not reveal anything about himself about if he can swing with other naked men around, or if he has jealousy issues. Like you said, having two women is a common male fantasy, but having that fantasy does not mean he can swing they way you want, or ever will. And thats OK, people have a right to their sexual preferences, and even if you could talk him into something he just does not want -chances are it will backfire on you.

 

VegasLee is right, dial back the swinging until you two can really talk about this. All you can do is listen to why he does not want to do a MFM. If he does not want to be around other naked men, or he does not want to see or have another man fuck you, you can't easily change that. If you try to tell him the way he feels is wrong, you will get the same fight as if he trys to tell you what you feel is wrong. If the fight is about talking at all about this, you got a big problem, anyone that won't communicate can't swing. Or even have any relationship at all in the long run.

 

If he is just scared but interested, make it safe and OK for him to admit that he is scared. If it turns out that he would want to try, but is scared -maybe try a couple first, maybe a soft swap, at first find something that feels less threatening to him and has more balance than a MFM... or FFM for that matter.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Stacey,

 

Ask your boyfriend what he enjoys most when you and another woman are with him. Get him to talk about the things that two women with him do that is so enjoyable.

 

Then tell him some of the things that you think two men with you sounds exciting.

 

It may be a jealousy issue with him or it might be a homophobic issue. And, it might just be his not knowing what to expect.

 

But, make sure this is all discussed in a sexy, fun, and very non-threatening way. Fighting never solved anything, sexually or otherwise.

 

And, btw..., hi neighbor!

[stlfffun 15]

Having been on both sides of this ... As a part of a couple, I like MFM because I love seeing my partner getting fucked or sucking another man's cock. As a single, i just go with whatever makes the other people happy. some guys have bi-phobia, I guess, but that's never a been a prob for me...

[Elena 42]

Hey all, this is Hammer Head, Elanas other half (or as she puts it her boy toy). I really agree with what most all have said so far. So I'll just tell you about me/us. We never thought or talked about swinging. I am a SERIOUSLY jealous person when it comes to my wife. But we just naturally evolved our sex with fantasies.... I love to please my wife, period. Whatever I see turns her on and drives her crazy over the top, well Im willing to do/say it. With this in mind, when we had our fantasy night, I would try different pictures in her head and see what worked. When I found some (she has a few now!) I work them around a little each time. One I found was adding a fantasy man into the mix. This drove her over the top and eventually I really did become calm with the idea of adding one for real! We had friends who were in the lifestyle so I talked with him about it. Well, we added him in real life for her birthday and she was clueless but suprised, and we now have fun with that couple whenever we want to play!! I thinks its a natural evolution in a relationship. I want to please her, she me. We also want to reassure each other that its just sex. just fun. and now my jealousy doesnt enter the mix if she tells me she wants to try something or do someone!

 

You may want to maybe start with just fantasy night?

[WonderWhat 166]

Back when we started fantasizing and talking about swinging, Mrs W was all for seeing me with another woman and having a FMF. When she first brought up the subject of an MFM, at first I didn't like the picture.

 

Little by little, I warmed up to the idea (while still sharing fantasies before entering the LS). One good day, we were having hot and heavy sex when she started talking about an MFM fantasy. In the heat of the moment, I was hooked.

 

Much later, I asked her if she was surprised about having me change my mind about it.

 

She just gave me a sly smile and said "I knew you were going to like the idea, I was just waiting for you to get used to it."

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Mrs. Alura was fond of saying, "Most women's favorite fantasy involves having three men... one doing laundry, one cooking, and one running the vacuum cleaner."

Woo, woo!

[bisteveski 15]

let's face it most guys are terrified about the mfm for fear something may get touched between the 2 guys or some rubbing may occur. Most past experiences with guys with no mfm time under their belt starts out bad but usually the guy winds up being ok with it. You can re-assure him he won't turn gay if he has a mfm and make sure he knows its for YOUR pleasure not his. You can also help out by being in the middle and try and keep the guys at either end of you *wink* wink.

 

I started swinging when i was 19. Started out with a friend and his girl. Kinda started slow and was a lil hesitant as guys can be...before long we were going at it and all warmed up by the time she got home from work. She just sat and watched some times and had some great orgasms that way. Don't knock it till u try it:)

[mixtupcpl 169]

let's face it most guys are terrified about the mfm for fear something may get touched between the 2 guys or some rubbing may occur. Most past experiences with guys with no mfm time under their belt starts out bad but usually the guy winds up being ok with it. You can re-assure him he won't turn gay if he has a mfm and make sure he knows its for YOUR pleasure not his. You can also help out by being in the middle and try and keep the guys at either end of you *wink* wink.

 

I started swinging when i was 19. Started out with a friend and his girl. Kinda started slow and was a lil hesitant as guys can be...before long we were going at it and all warmed up by the time she got home from work. She just sat and watched some times and had some great orgasms that way. Don't knock it till u try it:)

 

Wait... Im not sure if my reading comprehension is off, but I got a big laugh out of this one!

 

You kind of started out by saying "DONT WORRY if your fear is that there might be something "gay" or "bi" about MFM. There ISNT!" And kind of ended by saying that by the time you were experienced at it, you and your buddy were fully going at it *without* the gal! Which would be EXACTLY what the afformentioned guy would be afraid of! ROFL

 

Not that there is anything wrong with that Im straight, but not remotely homophobic and wouldnt have any fear of "crossing swords" (unless they were steel )

 

Just thought the irony of your post was really funny!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

While you may not have said the words regarding fairness to him, sometimes just the way we bring things up can result in the other person's radar going off. I think you have to find a way to bring up the idea of MFM in a way that is not a "why don't you want to do this?" or a "I really want this, why won't you give it to me?" and be able to discuss it openly so that you can learn what his sticking point is.

 

To do this you have to approach him positively first telling him how much you enjoy giving him his fantasy (what specifically you like best about it, how he looks when he's getting it, etc), how much you enjoy being with him and how much you love him, how he's the only man for you, etc etc. Build him up, build up his self esteem and then just slip into "I've always had this fantasy of two men ______ (fill in the blanks here and be specific) and I'd love to know your thoughts on the idea". Let him talk, do NOT interrupt him and when he is done talking if he hasn't told you what he has against the idea ask him questions about what he has said. If he's made negative comments ask about them, and even ask "what specifically do you find to be a turn-off about MFM?"

 

Do not use questions/terms like "Why won't you give me?", "But you get to have FMF..." "I give you what you want, why won't you?" etc.

[ItTakes3 19]

It was something I would have never considered when I was young, but as the years went by, it became my favorite fantasy. When it finally happened, I was surprised that the only twinge of jealousy I felt was when she kissed him. When she had her legs wrapped around him, screaming for more, I simply enjoyed watching her live her fantasy.

 

Afterward, seeing the look of total satisfaction and sexual exhaustion on her face was priceless...and every time it seems to get better. I even got over the kissing issue.

 

Time is the answer, but push gently and lovingly.