How do you approach a single woman "Unicorn" ?

[UnicornChasers 15]

This question is coming from my wife.

 

She was always one of those types that don't really go up to people or "put herself out there". So she was wondering how does one approach an attractive woman to strike up a conversation. It's not like you are just trying to make a friend, you trying to make something much more.

 

She's just looking for advice from other females/couples that have done this, and how you go about doing it.

[WonderWhat 166]

You go up and say "Hi! My name is Xxx; let me introduce my husband/wife, Yyy. May I invite you a drink?"

 

I took me a long time to learn that the direct introduction is the best pick-up line, and takes a lot less courage than any gimmicky come-on.

[mixtupcpl 169]

We can share our secrets (as a teaser, they involve hypnosis, a cape, a luchador mask a tophat and a grappling hook), but first we will need you to PayPal $1000 to this offshore account at...........

 

In all seriousness, totally agree with the above. How does anyone meet anyone? You go up and say hi. A good sense of humor, self confidence, and some wit helps. If there is chemistry, the rest kind of takes care of itself. If there isnt... well most likely it wont happen

[allnightfuncpl 60]

The best thing Mrs. Allnight and I have found is to be yourself and do what comes naturally to you. Some people do great with the direct approach others do better with the teasing reel the person in type of approach

 

Perfect example would be Mrs. Allnight when we are at the LS club we like to frequent she meets and approaches most people out on the dance floor as that is where she most comfortable meeting and talking to people, and I am slowly starting to become more that way simply because now that the Mrs has been able to convince me that even though I suffer from WGCD syndrome that I am not the only one out there on the dance floor suffering from it. However take my wife and put her in a non LS event such as a bar/pool hall situation where there is no dance floor and you will see something entirely different from her. There she likes to play all shy and will coyly flirt with a guy but make absolutely no first moves and make the guys make the first approach the reel them in approach so to speak.

 

As for me I am one of those people who observes first, I kind of watch to see what a lady is like whether she seem the talkitive and approachable type or the coy and shy and whether she seema to like a direct or more indirect approach. Once I have a lady kind of figured out I give it a go does it work all the time no but probably 90% of the time it does, so I stick with it.

 

The way I see it the worst thing that can happen is getting a cold shoulder response or told no, if that happens oh well life goes on, you just move onto whoever else you are interested in meeting and have fun and don't let it bother you.

 

We actually had a couple that when Mrs. Allnight and I first met them the wife of the couple gave both my wife and I the cold shoulder, we didn't worry too much about it and just moved on with our lives and kept right on having fun at the club and after hearing from her husband what fun we are to hang out and how cool he thought we were and seeing us at the club having a good time with everybody she is now becoming quite friendly with us.

 

Now for the goofball responses which if I didn't read the intial post I would have given just because I am a goofy guy sometimes and I just can't help myself from giving these two answer in a sad attempt at being humorous

 

How do you approach a woman?

 

By asking either one of the following questions

 

From the front or from the Back??

 

or

 

From which position would you like it??

 

I know I know :rollseye::sad: and I know don't quit my day job to pursue stand up comedy

[fun4Ds 1,098]

This question is coming from my wife.

 

She was always one of those types that don't really go up to people or "put herself out there". So she was wondering how does one approach an attractive woman to strike up a conversation. It's not like you are just trying to make a friend, you trying to make something much more.

 

She's just looking for advice from other females/couples that have done this, and how you go about doing it.

 

There are many ways to get to know someone. All are uniquely different...

 

Some use the INTERNET, some go to clubs and some can just walk up to a stranger and say hello.

 

What avenues are you trying now ?

 

I ask this because we do know many single females. Mostly it has been Mrs funs doings, through female friends and even friends of friends over the years. Although not the most outgoing, she is very..... approachable

 

Except for our most recent new female friends you might say, the ball has always been in her/their court. Thats how I saw it, as what I consider myself to be a guest in the bisexual side of her life. From that I learned a few things I didn't know before. Not just her thoughts but other womens as well.

 

Again I have to ask, what avenues are you pursuing now ? There are many shades or ways to meet people. Are you asking about the websites/ personals, or club/group attendance ? Or, just taking a current friendship to a new level ?

[UnicornChasers 15]

Well first, we don't really have any real local friends, we've only lived in Vegas 6 months, so the only people we know are my co workers (which I must remain very vanilla in front of). So the majority of our focus is on internet sites. Heck even every one of our profiles state that if there isn't any sexual chemistry, we are always up for expanding our social circle.

 

The unfortunate side effect of internet sites is most cost a small arm and leg to be members of in order to send/receive emails and the like, and I don't want to spend 100 dollars on a site and have no activity from the site.

 

We were thinking of trying the club route, however, that will have to wait until we work out a babysitter. In fact I found this board by looking at another board on a local club website.

 

The funny thing is, we do have four single friends that would love to visit us. They happen to be all across the country though (two of them are 6 hours away from us driving in opposite directions on the same highway). Met them all through an online game that we had no intention of meeting anyone through.

[livnlocoNJcpl 16]

We can share our secrets (as a teaser, they involve hypnosis, a cape, a luchador mask a tophat and a grappling hook), but first we will need you to PayPal $1000 to this offshore account at......

 

OK the last part of that was garbled. Maybe your internet connection was breaking up. Where do I send the money to? I am standing by ready to take notes.

 

I can't pass up anything with that kind of item list. Sounds fun. What's the grappling hook for?

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I see where your coming from

 

I don't know if you or your wife have read How we find single bi women to hook up with but I think you both should.

 

Then, could I ask your opinion?

[UnicornChasers 15]

That's all good advice, and we will have to try some of this. However, after reading it my wife asked. "But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

 

So it's more of a breaking the ice thing for her. Maybe it's fear of rejection, maybe it's just she's not the social butterfly type and doesn't really know how to even start. I think perhaps she just needs to start breaking out of her comfort zone so she gets used to the idea of approaching someone to hook up. I am also thinking that maybe I should take the lead for a bit and show her how to break the ice, how to just walk up to someone you don't know and start talking. I tell her that Hello works wonders, but I'm not sure she believes me.

 

Yeah, here in Vegas there is probably plenty of opportunities in vanilla clubs and the like. As I said above, I think at first I may have to be the icebreaker and start the ball rolling, at least until she gets her confidence levels up to approach people on her own.

 

We are already the freaks in our vanilla circle (as small as it is). We need to get out to the clubs to start that route, and yeah, the stripper route is definitely a path we will explore (and have already).

 

The only no-go in the whole thing was the solo mission, although, she said if she can figure out how to actually approach people, she may go on trolling missions where she brings them back to the house after going out alone.

[Rackir 159]

That's all good advice, and we will have to try some of this. However, after reading it my wife asked. "But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

 

Have you explained to her "the look"? No not the particular look (appearance) of a lady which might suggest she is open to approach (as valuable a tool as that is for single men, scouting as a couple largely negates that), but rather the look a lady might give to you that suggests she is open to approach.

 

Your wife, having not been on this side of the game previously, probably only knows the tactics from the approached side, rather than from the approacher. So she may need a quick course in the basics that many of us guys take for granted.

 

Sit yourselves in a bar/club in a position to be seen, but also in a good position to survey the crowed. Be enjoying yourselves (that’s important, multitasking is key), smiling and laughing. But while enjoying one another’s company be surveying the crowed at the same time. While surveying the crowed make sure your glance passes over (but doesn’t linger unless they are looking at you at the same time) any single ladies, or ladies not obviously on a date, repeatedly so that if they give you "the look" you'll be likely to catch it (tougher than it seems, I screw this one up all the time, I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I was wondering when you were going to come and say hello" because I missed several of "the looks" before the one I finally caught).

 

If you're lucky, while doing this your passing glance will get stopped by "the look". A smile mixed with curiosity. Probably not a huge smile, because the lady in question is smiling while wondering about the two of you (unless this is a swingers club, in which case she has probably already decided about the two of you and hence is giving you the total green light smile), so her smile is evident, but her expression is one of curiosity. That's "the look".

 

"But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

Once "the look" is giving, you just do it. Pretense is great (why women sitting at the bar are always easier to talk to, the pretense is right there "just grabbing another drink, and "Oh hello, how are you tonight"), but after "the look" is given, it's not mandatory. It's just time to roll the dice and see if you interpreted "the look" appropriately. Smile back at the lady in question, keep the eye contact for a moment, and if she doesn’t look away, walk up and say "hi, my wife/husband and I noticed you here, and we were wondering if you would like to join us for a drink".

 

Say what you will for pick up lines, conversation openers and the like, but in my opinion "the look" is the real ice breaker.

[Dynamar 246]

"But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

Not to be smart-alecky, but... saying 'hi' is always a good start!

 

As a single female who has in the past been interested in playing with couples, the quality I most appreciate in the female half of a couple is friendliness. A woman at a party who is friendly to everyone speaks volumes about the facts that she is participating of her own free will, knows what she is after and is confident about being there. So, take that as if the Mrs. is not all of the above (and I'm not saying that she isn't), then a single female probably is not going to be interested anyway.

 

The last thing most of us (single females) want is for anybody to perceive us as an interloper encroaching on your relationship. Therefore, many don't make the first move unless it's that unspoken "Look" that rackir writes about so eloquently. Even then, you or your wife will most often need to be the one to verbally open the door.

 

That being said, there's plenty of ways to initiate a conversation... think of the same things you'd do at a vanilla social gathering or even a business networking event. "That's a beautiful top" or "I love your shoes, where did you get them?"... "I/We've not seen you here before... we are Joe and Susie."... any of the other openers mentioned here... or my favorite, used in all types of situations: "I don't believe we've met, I'm DeeDee". And badabing... you're talking!

 

Good luck!

[WonderWhat 166]

Now that I've read the other suggestions, I see that I left out a lot of detail!

 

Yes, "the look" is important; very important. If there haven't been any looks towards you from the object of interest, you will most probably get the cold shoulder.

 

I was reminded of this yesterday at the supermarket: a couple of very attractive women, probably roommates, were looking for something in the same aisle I was half-blocking while looking for some olives. One of them got ahead of the other, and just excused herself when passing me, while the other was very vocal when catching up with her, and brushed past me with a smile. I later caught her smiling at me over the bananas .

 

If I'd had the time and inclination, I know I would have gotten a phone number from the smiling gal, and none from the first one, by just coming up and saying hi.

 

Maybe what's hard for you is perceiving when the odds are in your favor. Well, the only advice I have is trial and error, and to desensitize yourselves to rejection by being rejected a lot. Sounds awful, but it isn't because you'll get a lot of successes too.

 

I used to be terrified of rejection; I was a stammering, blushing teenager and young man. Nevertheless, after being rejected more than half of the time (like anybody else), you get to know that a rejection doesn't mean you're not having, or going to have, a good time.

[Sunswept 161]

"But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

You just walk up to someone and start talking, it can be about anything.

 

For shy people, the really hard part is getting started.

 

Once my sweety had pulled me into the lifestyle she noticed I had a problem with that, so she made me start chatting up the clerks at the grocery store. Men, women, old, young, I had to make convesations with all of them. She would kick me in the ankle to remind me. Soon, it became second nature. Also, there are actually flirting class's.

 

Practice makes perfect, and then I was tasked with starting fun conversations with wattresses, bartenders, etc. -all present superb practice opportunities. Then she made me expand out a little, like chatting up people in the store.

 

Be sincere, and really try to draw people out, it is not that hard you will discover. Be interested in them, the more you empathise with people the more things will come to mind to talk about. In the case of store clerks etc, "Wow, you are busy today" is a good starting line. Their kids, spouses, boy/girl friends, cloths, hair, their next break, and anything with in sight...all grist for the mill! Jewelry is a great one! -""Where did you get that?"

 

Just learn to start, and then learn to keep the ball rolling! If they say something, coax them to say more... an "Is that right?" can help with that. Relax, have fun with it and soon you will discover they will do all of the talking, and you may just make their day. They are frowning and worried when you start, they are smiling when you leave. It's sort of magical.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

UnicornChasers said:

Well first, we don't really have any real local friends, we've only lived in Vegas 6 months, so the only people we know are my co workers (which I must remain very vanilla in front of).

Nothing wrong with that. In fact, we keep our swinging completely separate from our work place.

 

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So the majority of our focus is on INTERNET sites. Heck even every one of our profiles state that if there isn't any sexual chemistry, we are always up for expanding our social circle.

The unfortunate side effect of INTERNET sites is most cost a small arm and leg to be members of in order to send/receive emails and the like, and I don't want to spend 100 dollars on a site and have no activity from the site.

Without sounding like a sales pitch I can assure you your money is well spent on swing lifestyle or the new, swingerzonecentral

 

Swinging is not cheap. Just like dating anyone, it does cost. I sharpened my pencil and found I could afford one dollar and hour off my paycheck. I set up a savings account just for the lifestyle we pursue.

 

Keep in mind we felt the same way, not wanting to spend money foolishly. We were free members for a while, checking out many sites. Then we did the yearly membership first and then back to freebies (bad financial year, eating sounded important also), Heck, I was lucky to have 25 cents an hour in the till.... Oh, my daughters traffic tickets also come out of the swinger till. Da baby needs shoes.. Then another good year, and we bought our lifetime membership. We had success as free members.... But then again, we put a reall sexy ass shot up, of a night I had Mrs fun in leather.... Well, Im just saying, we were doing what every one else was doing.. It does work...

 

On Swinglifestyle, we made many social connections. We liked the social part of the lifestyle. We find our vanilla friends rather boring compared to the swinger friends we have now

 

On swingerzonecentral as a paid member, I can assure you there will be party invites. Plus, its like meeting the porno stars we sit and stare at, while sitting at home saving our money so we can afford to go out.

 

Only spend on the lifestyle, what we have put back and saved for the lifestyle, is our motto. And if all else fails..... Well, we don't see failure like some people do.

 

I have to ask, Chasing unicorns is the most expensive if not......challenging, of all the lifestyle activities. You do understand that... right ?

 

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We were thinking of trying the club route, however, that will have to wait until we work out a babysitter.

Go see a club from the inside, I think it would do your wife some good.... Just to see, and talk to people.

 

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That's all good advice, and we will have to try some of this. However, after reading it my wife asked. "But how do you do it, how do you just walk up to someone and start talking?"

Well its not like kissing the blarney and receiving the gift of gab. It takes practice, but more importantly.....

 

It takes the right person to be talking too.

 

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So it's more of a breaking the ice thing for her. Maybe it's fear of rejection, maybe it's just she's not the social butterfly type and doesn't really know how to even start. I think perhaps she just needs to start breaking out of her comfort zone so she gets used to the idea of approaching someone to hook up. I am also thinking that maybe I should take the lead for a bit and show her how to break the ice, how to just walk up to someone you don't know and start talking. I tell her that Hello works wonders, but I'm not sure she believes me.

 

Listen to me, if my wife said to me these exact words I would be thinking she is asking for help... Not that she wants anyone to take control or tell her what to say, she needs you to give her something to talk about in any given situation when you get there. Not all the time, just some of the harder times... Be your wife's partner at all times when chasing unicorns.....

 

Now I think you need to be thinking to yourself about how you will equally give that to two women. Can you..... ? It's challenging.....

 

 

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Yeah, here in Vegas there is probably plenty of opportunities in vanilla clubs and the like. As I said above, I think at first I may have to be the icebreaker and start the ball rolling, at least until she gets her confidence levels up to approach people on her own.

I think you have the right idea... Just be sure when she reaches her confidence, you step back and stay close enough, so she knows your there.

 

If you do go to that Vegas club, enjoy yourselves. Keep it cool and most of all, show the Mrs you'll have her back at all times, I think she needs that encouragement from you.

 

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We are already the freaks in our vanilla circle (as small as it is).

To our vanilla circle, we are those people they don't see very often... And why the hell do we call em vanilla ? Personally, I think it's too good a name for them.....

 

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We need to get out to the clubs to start that route, and yeah, the stripper route is definitely a path we will explore (and have already).

Two words about strippers..... Be Careful . We love the strippers, but they do have some jealous boyfriends....some, just plain fucking crazy and of coarse, its always the boyfriends issues..

 

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The only no-go in the whole thing was the solo mission, although, she said if she can figure out how to actually approach people, she may go on trolling missions where she brings them back to the house after going out alone.

I would have to say going solo might want to be on hold.....for now. Its not as easy as it seems, I really think you should reconsider.

[UnicornChasers 15]

Frankly, I hate society, and the rules and norms it imposes on other people. This shouldn't have to be hidden in order to function in day to day lives. But hey, that's not how life works so I guess we just have to deal with it. What can we say, the wife and I defy the laws of tradition on a daily basis, this is just another of those defiances.

 

I've discussed it with my wife. We already joined SZC since it's only 30 bucks right now for a lifetime membership, and since AFF seems to have the largest selection it will probably be worth the 6 bucks a month for the Gold membership. We may also join SLS for a lifetime membership as well, but we've had family visiting us this month so we spent a bit more money than we normally would have, so it will have to fit into next months budget.

 

I agree that you can't make omelets without any breaking eggs, and yes I know I would be spending money on our unicorn, just as if I was trying to court a single female, but in the back of my mind it's really hard to justify spending money in order to have a chance at spending more money to perhaps interest someone in an evening (or more) of coitus.

 

I'm not poor (or cheap) by any means, but part of why we aren't poor is we just don't go spending money. But 4D you are right, if I can justify paying 60 bucks a month for TV (which pretty much only the kids watch on a daily basis) I can justify 6 bucks a month for our entertainment.

 

Anyway the reason why I'm focusing mostly on her approaching, because most advice I've found so far in this realm points that the female as the icebreaker tends to work much better than the man approaching first, the idea is, it seems more like the female's idea (which in this case it was), and it's less of a threatening situation to the other female.

 

You know, the more I read this the more it may be that I'm just over analyzing the whole situation and not just going with the flow (I can go with the flow in the situation, but I'm a very logical based person, so if I have time to think about something, I tend to overthink it).

 

Also, I'd like to take this oppertunity to thank everyone for all the advice, I'm glad we came here, and I'm glad I asked this question.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I can appreciate what your saying....

 

I'm in a really good mood today. (laughing a little) You called me 4D, some have called me many things but 4D's has a bling bling feeling or something to it. Thank you, UC.

 

I could tell you we have pretty much been dating "unicorns" exclusively, for going on some time now. I don't talk about it much though... People take it the wrong way. It's not that we don't want other males involved like Mrs UC though... Today, Mrsfun could tell me she wants me and mr playmate or another couple, and it would be happening. I could do the same also, anytime.

 

Kind of strange I suppose.....

 

We found out so many things we weren't expecting about each other in the beginning. I /we dont know if we have any good advice, but we could share our ideas and experiance any time, if that would help.

 

I think I should point out, we don't chase unicorns although we can appreciate the idea as a concept.

 

We think you will understand that after you get out and meet some people in the lifestyle. People refering to unicorns as mythical, seems absurd to us, it always has.

 

Maybe there is something to that......

 

We can't convince anyone, our way of thinking is the only way. But, it is our way of thinking that gave our playmates a reason to want to be with us.

 

We hope you really find what you are looking for.... It is attainable

[UnicornChasers 15]

Any and all advice you'd like to impart we would love to read.

 

We know it's attainable, as I said we have "fans" in a few places but not near us. It's just that when I read the term unicorn on some website or another it stuck with me, probably because both my wife and I are into Fantasy. The whole mythical creature aspect plus the idea of a quest to find the mythical creature kinda stuck with me. So UnicornChasers as a handle was born.

 

But please anything you'd like to share we'd like to know. You can either keep it here or bring it to PM's.

 

Thanks again.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

We know it's attainable, as I said we have "fans" in a few places but not near us.

Don't leave that out, others are telling you not to lower your chances. I agree with that, just be carefull .

 

It's just that when I read the term unicorn on some website or another it stuck with me, probably because both my wife and I are into Fantasy.

Boy, I know how that feels. We love it ! When it comes to fantasies we got some doozies. But what your after is reality... and what that leads to is hopefully, good memories. Together as a couple, with some one special. I don't know if that's a good idea, but I think its pretty cool idea.

 

It seems like your following a protocol or something... Thats OK, we did too. There is a certain protocol in the lifestyle. Stick with it, for now. Work on some invites.....

 

Its almost like your not thinking about the woman you want to be involved with. I think your selling yourself short in your profile, I think you have a very special wife, like mine. I can tell you this, my wife is the key to everything. She has taken me to some places with her ideas.... and fantasy.

 

I think you guys are allot more than your profile. I think you have something special going on. I'm not the one your looking for though. Thats why instead I think you should choose or at least be thinking of a personality. I mean what do you want ? Its seems you would settle for anything. That doesn't look good on the resume.

 

Big secrete about Unicorns is, they change into a special person when you meet them. Real person....

 

Special title, special person..... Not so mythical anymore.

 

What type of person are you looking for ? Do you want a long term friendship, a one night stand, whips and chains ? Been there done that.

 

We prefer just dating a woman together.

 

1 Unicorn cant be every fantasy, a girls only human ya know. I know you enjoyed that night at the stripper club and it gets me hot just reading that part. But are you looking for a stripper ?

 

Find the right unicorn, and she might, want to go to the stripper club with ya. Just to hang out with you. See what I mean....

 

Don't get me wrong, we do know some strippers, I'm just saying..

 

Are you looking for that ? Some one to be on the dominate side with Mrs UC ?

 

At least think about asking something, and be honest. The unicorns I have met are usually pretty understanding. I think when you figure out more about yourselves then your profile will change, just as you do. You'll figure out what to say. Then, maybe somewhere some woman might read it and think, I want to meet these guys. Give the woman a reason, their pretty keen. I think your missing the individuality of someone, I hope you meet some day. Don't be surprised if you meet a single woman at a club or meet and greet and she says "I've read your profile"

 

The whole mythical creature aspect plus the idea of a quest to find the mythical creature kinda stuck with me. So UnicornChasers as a handle was born.

Thats cool Keep it like it is, you can always change....

 

Will you be unicorn catchers some day ? Seek them, let them find you, it happens.

 

But please anything you'd like to share we'd like to know. You can either keep it here or bring it to PM's.

If you want my/our advice or opinion regarding single females. We would prefer to keep it open here on the board. Not that we don't understand discretion, but we don't have anything to hide other than true identities. We have no tricks or game plan or step one two three.... We just put ourselves out there and met some very special women.

 

We will be happy to listen anytime as long as you keep in mind we are just one couple's opinion. Our time with unicorns have been good for us as a couple, and as swingers in general. Were gratefull....

[sweet_tna 680]

How about, walk up to the lady, and say, "Nice shoes, wanna' fuck?"

 

Seriously, all you really need to do is smile, say hi, and introduce yourself. Comment on what she's wearing or the music that's playing. Or ask what she's drinking. Those are great ice breakers.

 

=)

 

 

(Hey mixtupcpl, if we pool our money can you share the package info with all of us?)

[Tybee Swing 286]

So it's more of a breaking the ice thing for her. Maybe it's fear of rejection, maybe it's just she's not the social butterfly type and doesn't really know how to even start. I think perhaps she just needs to start breaking out of her comfort zone so she gets used to the idea of approaching someone to hook up.

 

Hi UC's,

 

Has Mrs. UC decided to practice coming out of her shell more and making first contact?

 

If both the man and woman are friendly and social, that's a lot more comfortable and feels balanced...and it's attractive. In my case, I'm uncomfortable with couples in which one person is clearly taking a back seat and letting the other do all the "driving". If the woman seems to be very much taking a back seat, she seems passive to me. I get the impression about her that she'll be passive in the bedroom, too. In other words, I'll sense that if she and I were to play, she'd want to just lay on her back and let me be "the man"...not fun. (That's happened often in swinging when I was half of a couple). Passive women turn me off. It's got to be a 2-way street of equal flirting and interaction to turn me on. If she can be forward and flirt with me before we're in a private situation, she'll probably be pretty interesting and interactive in a private setting.

 

Another tip: It appears that you (Mr.) are doing all of the writing here, while Mrs. reads this and filters everything through you, as her spokesperson. That's VERY passive. I suggest that Mrs. comes out and talks directly to people here...come on in, get her feet wet. We don't bite.

[UnicornChasers 15]

This the wife talking now..... Being out in a crowd of strangers is one thing.

 

BUT I am not passive in the bedroom in the slightest!

 

Its the 1st contact that I have problems.. I am not the type "atm" to just walk up to ppl

and start a convo. Once that step is out of the way I do come out of my shell.

[Tybee Swing 286]

This the wife talking now..... Being out in a crowd of strangers is one thing.

 

BUT I am not passive in the bedroom in the slightest!

 

Hi Mrs. UC, nice to see you come out!

 

Just know this...people make impressions about others very quickly. If you seem very shy and let your husband do all of the talking, people may get the impression very quickly that you are passive. They may think that if you're passive initially (socially), that you'll be passive later, too. See what I mean? It's not unreasonable for people to draw that conclusion. It may not be the reality for you, but it might be what comes across to them. People form opinions in a few seconds or in the first few minutes.

 

Come out right from the get-go with a warm welcome, warm smiles, and something friendly to say. It's not that hard. Just practice it in different kinds of situations and it becomes easier.

 

Your husband started this thread, asking questions on your behalf. It took all this time for you to join with your own post. On the 'net, it looked like you were "quietly standing behind him" and letting him do all of the talking. That gave the impression of passivity. When the two of you are making contacts on websites to meet up with people, is it also like that, with your husband doing most of the "talking"? In my experience, that always made me leary that the woman was passive and possibly even being dragged into this by her husband. Sometimes that was precisely the reality.

 

Don't take this personally or feel defensive. Just consider all of this from the perspective of people who don't know you yet, and only know a little of you through a profile, or a conversation that's being carried mostly by your husband. Again, it's all about impressions, and you've got to do what you can to create the best first impression you can. If you're not really passive at all, show that to people in speaking for yourself, responding to them (written or verbal), etc.

 

These are all just friendly tips to help you find what you want. I hope you keep us posted on what happens!

[slevin 1,374]

This the wife talking now..... Being out in a crowd of strangers is one thing.

 

BUT I am not passive in the bedroom in the slightest!

 

Its the 1st contact that I have problems.. I am not the type "atm" to just walk up to ppl

and start a convo. Once that step is out of the way I do come out of my shell.

 

Two pieces of advice for you if you do decide to start opening up and being the one to approach someone:

 

1. You are going to be unsuccessful plenty of times so be prepared for rejection and a lack of 'results'

2. To get comfortable and proficient at walking up and talking to someone you're going to need practice, so do it a lot. Even just to be friendly.

 

If you go about it not expecting any result in particular and instead focus on learning how to approach and talk to women you will start to see good results in how comfortable you get with it. There is no magic formula for how to do it, no lines or anything like that. Get comfortable starting the conversation, being friendly and talking then I think that other post that you were linked to may be of good help to you

 

Good luck with everything and I hope you continue to post as well!

[amid 91]

With a magic carrot in one hand and a bit in the other..

[UnicornChasers 15]

So you asked, what do you want, what are we looking for. We have similar but different answers as you will soon see:

 

Her Answer:

She's got to be attractive to me, she can't be stuck up either, she wouldn't want to hang out with us anyway if she's a snob.

 

My Answer:

Easy going, needs to be her own person, beat of her own drum and that sort of thing. Someone that can be a female friend to my wife, girls nights out and stuff like that, malls, whatever it is adult women do together. Someone that doesn't want to change people and doesn't want to be changed, but wise enough to make adjustments. Someone that we could be friends with even if we don't become playmates. Oh, and yeah, she's got to be attractive .

 

So it seems I have more of a person in mind, but Kit (the name I will use for her here) has more of a body.

[femnewb4u2 328]

So you asked, what do you want, what are we looking for. We have similar but different answers as you will soon see:

 

Her Answer:

She's got to be attractive to me, she can't be stuck up either, she wouldn't want to hang out with us anyway if she's a snob.

 

My Answer:

Easy going, needs to be her own person, beat of her own drum and that sort of thing. Someone that can be a female friend to my wife, girls nights out and stuff like that, malls, whatever it is adult women do together. Someone that doesn't want to change people and doesn't want to be changed, but wise enough to make adjustments. Someone that we could be friends with even if we don't become playmates. Oh, and yeah, she's got to be attractive .

 

So it seems I have more of a person in mind, but Kit (the name I will use for her here) has more of a body.

 

Unicorn here. Have been following this thread with interest Mr. and Mrs. UC. I do not know how all single fems feel but I would to step in with a few notes from my position. First off, what Mr Fun says is on the money with regards to profiles. It helps if the unicorn senses she will be regarded as desired or wanted by both of you for being herself, not just because she is one. The unicorn has plenty of options to just be a toy or lay in the swing world. But if you want to go from chasing to catching, you may be best served by helping her want to come to you over all the other contacts she receives. While the "His answer" gives the unicorn something to tie into, the "Her answer" says it can be any one....just a body that fits some undefined physical parameter.

 

Tybee brings up another very good point. Mrs. UC, you may quite well not be a passive woman. But giving the impression in person, or online, of being passive will cause me to react as Tybee does. Passivity has led to feelings of wife is doing this for hubby, wife almost laying there with me doing most of the work, wife getting uncomfortable in playtime, me being an extra and not an equal part of the "romp". All of which has proven out. Plus, for me it is difficult to get excited about being with a couple when the sexual energy and overatures are only coming from one person. I clearly do not know you well enough to say whether you are passive or not. Nor do I know how you would be in a threesome sexually. But I can say, your chances of catching one or many unicorns increases if you make her feel you desire her.

 

Practice letting Mr. UC start the in person conversation, or the email chats, or IMs, etc. to get the ball rolling but you jump in quickly. Become a part of it. Then 50% of the conversation. Then more. Until you can make those overatures on your own. If the idea is for you all to play as a threesome, then you need to show her who you are as well as who your husband is. It is both of you she needs to feel desired by. And if it is for him to watch and you and she to play, then by all means...it all needs to come from you. Lean on him but push yourself to not appear passive, sure of what you are looking for, and why the two of you could be the best contact a unicorn could make.

[DE_BBC 15]

This question is coming from my wife.

 

She was always one of those types that don't really go up to people or "put herself out there". So she was wondering how does one approach an attractive woman to strike up a conversation. It's not like you are just trying to make a friend, you trying to make something much more.

 

She's just looking for advice from other females/couples that have done this, and how you go about doing it.

 

You have to approach very quietly, I hear sudden movements can frighten them....SORRY, I couldn't resist.

[UnicornChasers 15]

You know to be honest we aren't really sure what we want. I mean we really haven't done this before, so we only have a vague idea of what we'd be interested in. It's like dating for the first time all over again, except with two of us dating a third.

 

Also, she doesn't post because she doesn't feel the need to do so, and I can tell you once the ice is broke, she is very warm and likes to talk, and talk, and talk. Our experience in the club has my mind at ease on any sort of hesitation on her part, because there was none. She's actually a bit annoyed that people are judging her (we are pretty nonjudgmental people) off of her participation on a message board.

 

I think we are still feeling things out. I think we want to feel wanted, and are very willing to return the favor. I think we really need to dump the kids somewhere and get out again like we did before, because not a damn thing will happen if we don't get out of the house again.

[mixtupcpl 169]

I think we really need to dump the kids somewhere and get out again like we did before, because not a damn thing will happen if we don't get out of the house again.

 

Just read your profile... Very good story Just curious though, did you guys try to pickup that stripper? If not, why not? I think you could have gotten that to go farther "after hours" based on what you wrote.

[UnicornChasers 15]

Meh, that's a bit of a strange situation, as the girl did give us her phone number at the end of our session, which I promptly put in our phone, she wanted to go out for dinner the next night. The thing was either it was a made up number on her part (it only went straight to voicemail) or I, being slightly inebriated, put it in my phone wrong. She did want to go hang out on the strip right after her shift (we were her last for the night) but I needed an hour or two to sober up, which was why the next day was settled on.

 

We'd like to think I put it in my phone wrong, but most likely she was just playing the part, it's just strange to see it happen at the end of the night.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Needing a couple of hours to sober up.....

 

Thats not a good thing, now is it ?

 

I have a thousand reasons to not drink and swing with our playmates.

 

The number one reason is ME. I wouldn't want to think I missed out on anything.

 

Try it, you'll be surprised....

[UnicornChasers 15]

It was a strip club, I had 2 jack and cokes, we were waiting for 30 minutes before the girl, spent an hour with the girl. In my job it's a very bad thing to have a DUI, so I make sure I have plenty of time to sober up. Probably longer than I actually needed, 2 jack and cokes, over 2 hours, however, I don't take chances with some things.

 

So yeah, we weren't really there to find a playmate, we were there to get lap dances and to have some mommy daddy time (this was really our first date in like 5 years). We were there to have a good time.

 

Now, that's not saying I won't drink with playmates, however, I won't get drunk with playmates. My normal MO is a beer or two, and that's it. Even when just at BBQ's I stop drinking once the food it served.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

No explanations necessary, I have many friends in the lifestyle who have a few. I like a Bourbon or a cold beer as much as any one, just not on a date.

 

You said "The thing was either it was a made up number on her part (it only went straight to voicemail)"

 

Probably, you're right ! Your new to the area. Dancers, have lives as well. From the ones we know, none of them go to work hoping that an attractive couple comes along and sweeps them off their feet. Most, who are lifestyle friendly know what you were there for. I think she did her part for as much as she knows you..... I hope you were gratuitous

 

Go again, we have, many times.

 

If that's your choice of venue it might take time for people to not only get to know you, but trust you as well.....

 

Then you said "or I, being slightly inebriated, put it in my phone wrong."

 

What if this woman did want to get to know you each, a little more.... Slightly inebriated took that from you, not me..... Right ?

 

All I said/asked was, try it.

 

I told ya I have a thousand reasons not to drink while out on a date.....

 

Here are two more, Mrs fun and, our playmate.

 

You need your wits about you, at all times. Keep in mind you have a responsibility to MrsUC first and foremost, let alone the woman your with. Suppose at any moment either woman said " I need or want outta here, NOW !! " sure would suck thinking I need a couple hrs to drive.

 

I'm no expert at chasing unicorns but I can be honest. You're going to learn so many things about passion from your wife and a female friend.... Keep your mind and your whits about you at all times, it goes a long way toward your goal, and will serve you well.

[SheLovesTheSun 40]

I have a friend who may be considered a unicorn (she's been into swinging for, I believe, about 10 years). She's into bdsm and sm and has a master, although I'm not sure for how long. Now the fact that she has a master, I'm unsure if that wouldn't make her a unicorn

 

Anyway, I digress. I know that if someone approached her master and asked if they could play with her and he says it ok, then she'll be fine with it. She's a pretty approachable person, and even if she ends up not being interested; she'll give people a chance and talk to them, even flirt with them. She'll let them know, politely, if she's not interested, but if she is interested, she'll flirt a lot.

[ConnieJim 40]

Is she wearing a sign that says "Unicorn looking" or "I am bi" or better still "I eat pussy". If so it would be real easy to walk up and start a conversation. You know you already have something in common.

 

Seriously you approach a single person male or female just like you would at any other time. With the intent to introduce yourself, start a conversation, and maybe a friendship. The lifestyle issues will come up soon enough. If she lives the lifestyle, or is interested,or curious she will be eager to chat about it. If it ain't her thing, she will run like you threw water on her.

 

Shy person or not, most everyone is eager to talk about what is on their mind. In a room full of other swingers, talking, dancing, kissing ,etc. Everyone sorta has the same mindset. Hell the energy in the room alone should help spark any conversation with anyone.