Playing at home where adult children live - What are your thoughts?

[Ed & Bunny 160]

We have come across a possible issue that I think is going to become more and more common as our economy flounders. I am a bit leery about posting this after another thread got so heated, but I think it needs to be asked. So please try not to be judgmental with what people's comfort levels are.

 

We met a new couple tonight. Things went really well over dinner and then a second stop for some ice cream. (OK, our meets tend to be kinda tame) As we were all getting ready to go back to our own homes we started talking a bit about setting up a play date. We knew they had adult children at home and wondered how this worked as they told us they could host. They then said that both of their kids were aware that they were swingers, so it wasn't an issue. Under the circumstances they said it was just way easier to have them in the know.

 

So here is the issue, the adult children may be at home when the swinging is taking place. OK let me stress again that the kids are adults and there isn't any playing going to be going on with them. I know what the consensus is here about playing or throwing parties with underage kids in the house. I agree it is not the best idea. But these are adults, and with the economy being so bad, more and more adult children are living at home.

 

So if a hotel is not economically feasible for either party what are your thoughts about playing in a home where this is the situation? Also what if you are the parent and it's your kids at home?

 

Our take on the first is that if they are comfortable we are OK. As I said it is not like they will be participating. Now if this couple wants to start play in say the living room and their kids can wander through, I don't think we will want to continue. Even as adults, knowing about it and seeing it in action are two different animals. We wouldn't want to be a part of that. Just way beyond our comfort level.

 

As for the second part, I am just not sure. As for telling her about our lifestyle choice, no problem. We are pretty sure she has a good idea about it even though we have never actually admitted it. When it comes to playing in the house if she was there, this is where it is a conflict. On one hand I just have to say that I am not sure how comfortable I would be swapping with her in the house, even if it were a big house. On the other hand though it is not like we didn't always have sex between ourselves when she was at home, so what is the difference if there is another couple involved. I mean it is behind closed doors.

 

All in all though I think the first would win out. Why add any stress that could cause performance issues? I think she would quickly find out that there are nights when she would need to go out and hang with friends and stay out very late.

[Chicup 41]

I wouldn't play with adult vanillas in the house so it goes double for someone's adult children.

 

There is a weird Jerry Springeresk feeling to that sort of thing which I wouldn't be comfortable about.

[LFM2 1,482]

 

So if a hotel is not economically feasible for either party what are your thoughts about playing in a home where this is the situation? Also what if you are the parent and its your kids at home?

 

I think you're right and this is going to be more common than ever before. We have two swinger friends, who just had their adult children and their childrens' children move in to save money or because they've lost a job and can't afford to make it on their own anymore.

 

Sadly, I still have my youngest adult child at home. In reality, we can't afford his rent while he goes to college (He should be a sophomore now). I wish we could because then *we* could host! Well, we can't host, and if the other couple can't, our choices are to either, (A) bring it home anyway because, after all, our children are adults, or, (B) not swing and hope for an open weekend when the kids are outta the house, or plan ©: work a little overtime or save to afford a cheap hotel room for some extra curricular fun.

 

I think we'd rather go with plan C. Even though the kids are adults, we'd feel uncomfortable with them there. We can hope for a weekend of child free time, but those are few and far between. Personally, we'd save up or try to find a good deal on a hotel (cheap if need be) and play safely that way.

[Ed & Bunny 160]

I think we'd rather go with plan C. Even though the kids are adults, we'd feel uncomfortable with them there. We can hope for a weekend of child free time, but those are few and far between. Personally, we'd save up or try to find a good deal on a hotel (cheap if need be) and play safely that way.

 

Based on this I am going to assume your youngest knows nothing of your kink. This adds another twist to my original question. While we and this other couple are OK with our adult children knowing, many others are not going to be OK. If this trend does grow these others are going to be faced with the difficulties of either working harder to hide their extracurricular activities or becoming comfortable enough telling the kids that mom and dad are swingers.

 

 

In thinking about this some more I would also like to hear what our Poly swingers have to say. I am sure the polyamourous crowd has been dealing with this issue already as some partners already have kids.

 

Chicup, I do get the Jerry Springer reference, and I am sure there are some that would get an extra kick from the idea. Not us. At this point it doesnt bother us that much, but once the rubber hits the.... well you know, we will see if does become an issue. At least in our case we do live alone and can host, so its not an issue of get a hotel or no play.

[Dave_kat 227]

We're in the reverse boat. Kat's mother now lives with us.

 

So we tried to keep everything on the DL, but after about 3 months we went to a friend's birthday party, and since it was going to be in a vanilla place, we brought mom along to get her out of the house.

 

Well, things were cool and she saw just how friendly we were with friends, and realized we had some really cool friends. When she saw Dave "dirty Dancing" with two of the other ladies, she kinda got an idea of who we were really out with.

 

Next thing you know, mom wanted to know when the next party was, and wanted to make one rule about things... We never sleep with the same people. In other words, if we slept with a couple, she wouldn't, and she wanted the same respect. Noone came out and told her, she figured the darn thing out.

 

So now mom is in the lifestyle as well..

 

But my thinking is this... Why can't you throw in together to get a cheap hotel room (probably $25 per couple). Grab a cooler and a bottle or two - BYOB, and go have the party? It probably costs about the same as going out to dinner and maybe some dancing, and heck, you get to play as well?

 

Adult kids probably have more of an idea of what is going on.. But the thought of the parental units having sex is just ewwww for the most part... But you certainly can close a bedroom door and have some fun as well.. They should respect that kind of boundary.

[The Fuse 1,012]

How about finding a house party and having your play date there? Or go camping? Or even having the other couple ask their adult children to find something to do on that night?

 

I generally wouldn't want to swing with non-swingers around. Even if the kids are adults, they are still your playmates' children. I understand that this is an issue more and more people are going to face, but it would just make me uncomfortable.

[LagniappeDC 313]

We agree with a lot of the same sentiments expressed here. We wouldn't play at a couples house where other adult vanilla's are present. It's just awkward. The fact that they are their children makes it even more so.

 

Of course, the layout of the house could change things. Will you be able to have a private place to play? For that reason, we try to give the benefit of the doubt to the other couple if they offer to host (but make it known that we don't plan on playing unless we feel comfortable). We have small kids and have a great relationship with another couple whose kids are the exact same ages. Their house layout is much better than ours (finished basement with a lock, where ours is still not finished -- yet!) so if we want a quiet night they will host. But this is the exception, not the rule and we knew them for a long time before played at their house -- and may even have vanilla get togethers with them in the future with our kids.

 

I guess the key is to make sure you are comfortable. If you aren't then there is no way the play will be enjoyable!!

 

As for the second part of the question, we look at swinging as an "extra" -- similar to movies, lattes, whatever. We choose to swing knowing that it's costly -- sitter, dinner out, on-premise club fee (or hotel room). We just cut back in other areas. So it's all about decisions.

 

There are some good suggestions, on-premise clubs, house parties, camping, kicking the adult kids out, cheap hotel room. If you like the couple you'll find a way to make it work!

[TheLorax 173]

While that particular situation has never cropped up for me, I think it would entirely depend on the layout of the house and the vibe I got from the adult children and the family dynamic. I have played with another couple while staying in the same adjoining hotel rooms with their parents, and our room only had a single bed. It didn't bother me then, but I suspect that was because I was young enough that I viewed "parents" as sort of invisible when it came to that sort of thing.

[LFM2 1,482]

Based on this I am going to assume your youngest knows nothing of your kink. This adds another twist to my original question. While we and this other couple are OK with our adult children knowing, many others are not going to be OK. If this trend does grow these others are going to be faced with the difficulties of either working harder to hide their extracurricular activities or becoming comfortable enough telling the kids that mom and dad are swingers.

 

No, our youngest knows nothing about what we do. Only our oldest has the type of personality to handle this since she also swings that way. Our middle and youngest couldn't wrap their heads around what we do, however, I do think our youngest could handle it better than the middle child. I sometimes wonder how our youngest couldn't know because we really don't hide it very well, either. Icons are all over the desktop and he sometimes uses our computer to surf. Our going out with "new" friends every weekend, etc. Maybe he does know and just doesn't want to ask about it for fear of what he'd hear.

[Ed & Bunny 160]

Maybe he does know and just doesn't want to ask about it for fear of what he'd hear.

 

LOL this is probably a very good bet. As parent we really dont want to know anything about our kids sex life, except maybe that she has a good one. And I am positive it works in the other direction. It all come under the TMI thing.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

One word comes to mind : "AWKWARD".... I have to just ditto Chicup on this one.

[SAMnTINA 362]

Sounds like a maybe a little entertaining might motivate the adult kids to get a place of their own. Our kids knew were swingers and when they left for college we told them we were planing on being nudists as well so they should not plan on dropping by or moving back in. They all made it through college and have their own homes LOL!

[Guest]

I would see no problem with it except, I would have some concern over the discretion issue. It is one thing to trust a couple you are having sex with...it's another thing to trust their children, even though adults, to have the same level of trust.

[Mj7795 25]

Wow, you are singing our tune. His parents retired and are living with us 6 months of the year with eventual plans to live full time. House is plenty big but they don't know we are in the LS. We never thought of the situation you described but can definitely see that. We have a 24 yr old daughter who lives here while going to college & she has her suspicions of what we do. We even offered to her that if she wants to know more we would discuss it with her. She has not decided to open that pandora's box just yet.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Mj7795, that sounds like that would definitely put a crimp in your style when ot comes to entertaining at home. I think everyone agrees though that swinging comes after family and other real world responsibilities, so you do what you need to do and then just adjust on the swinging.

 

We are like some others have said, we wouldn't be up for playing in someone's home if anyone else was there. Would just feel really really awkward to us.

[couplers 4,656]

Regardless of whether parents or children are living with you, if it's your house you can let them know that they need to be out fortnightly, say every other Saturday from 6pm until 1am. No explanation given or needed. Use electronic locks that are programmable for entry on permitted days and times.