The search for a single guy...

[LuckyDallasCpl 17]

General note: times are rounded, but very close to accurate (after all, they are all recorded on the phone!).

 

Don't know if this falls under "good" or "bad", so we'll just put it in "general" swinging experiences. The wife (F) has had a dream of having a DP for several years now (we've been in the lifestyle 3 or so years, although swing very infrequently. DP was brought up at least a year ago). Some swinger friends had suggested that for these kinds of activities, it might be easier to work out something with a single, so F asked if we could go that route. I agreed to give it a try. Since time plays a relatively important part in all this, I think it makes the most sense to do this as a time-line:

 

3:30pm last Friday: I (the husband) locate a single male by posting an ad on a swingers site for someone to meet for dinner & drinks at 7:30pm. One responded that had four validations, so I called F and told her we had dinner plans and that someone was going to meet us. She sounded excited.

 

4:00pm: I email the guy the details of where we'd be, and thanked him for having such a polite and well written email and profile.

 

5:00pm: I call the phone number he had provided in his email and left a voice mail message to meet us in the bar area of Bone Daddy's just in case he wasn't going to be able to access his email.

 

6:30pm: I get home from work to find F sitting in front of her computer reading hot stories on Swing Lifestyle getting 'warmed up' as she calls it. She said she'd logged on and figured out who I had arranged with (so that part was no longer a surprise/secret).

 

7:15pm: after I check the email account one last time, we drop the kid off at the evening-night-out and then head to Bone Daddy's here in Dallas. On the drive there, she pulls down her top and shows me that she is wearing a shelf bra. After tucking them back away, she whips out her travel vibrator from her tiny hand bag and continues playing with herself. She is wetter than I can recall ever seeing her.

 

7:20pm: I don't know it until much later, but he sends us an email apologizing that he is stuck at work (owns his own business) and is going to be late... 9pm or so.

 

7:30pm: We arrive at Bone Daddy's. Place is packed with people watching the Cowboy's play. We take a table very close to the bar after looking around for a while and not seeing him. We order drinks and wait with anticipation.

 

8:00pm: Wife asks me to go check up front in case he misunderstood. As I'm standing up, I get a text message that he just heard the voice mail and is sorry, but still at work, and expressing hopes that we can stay out late enough for him to catch up with us.

 

8:15pm: We say that we understand about work and ask for an ETA.

 

8:30pm: He says it likely wouldn't be until 9:30 or 10 and asks if we should just reschedule our first meeting. We decide that since we are already out, we'd prefer to stick around, so we respond that we can stay out until 10:30.

 

8:45 pm: We move to the bar and pass the time by (1) scoping out women, men, and couples around the place, (2) drinking, (3) me playing with F's pussy, which is still so wet I begin to wonder about drippage!

 

10:00pm: F hits on the cutest guy in the place. He responds that he is a "taken man." She seems to take it in good stride, although it ends up having repercussions later...

 

10:15pm: We send another text asking if he is going to make it.

 

10:20pm: F thinks she overhears an unkind word from one of the friends of the cute guy while I was away (they were sitting one table away from the bar). She loses her mojo over this.

 

10:30pm: He sends a text back saying he is FINALLY finishing up and is very,very sorry for missing us, and restating that he "truly was working late..."

 

10:30pm: Pick up daughter can take her home.

 

Even ignoring the side-story involving the cute guy and his friends which turned out very badly, we were disappointed, but we are professionals in the work world, and know that sometimes things come up - so we tried to be understanding.

 

She rebounded pretty soundly the next morning (Saturday) and sent an open ended email saying that we were disappointed and that our time was hard to come by since we had a daughter. He responded a while later, again with great style and appropriate guilt:

Thanks so much for the very nice email. And I appreciate you clearing that up. I really felt like I let you down and I felt terrible. I should have probably turned down the invitation in the beginning with all the work I was tied up with. So please accept my apologies. I can only imagine how much time that raising a child requires and it is good that you know your priorities. I really do respect the fact that your time is limited and you need to make the most of it when you have it. I am NEVER a no show so I really feel bad.

 

Hopefully you will allow me to make it up to you. Dinner and drinks on me next time, if you will give me the opportunity. I hope you had a good time anyway and I hope your weekend is an awesome one.

 

Please stay in touch...

After the side-event with the cute guy, I figure I shouldn't wait long to try again, and this guy seems sincere and willing, so.... I ask about dinner and drinks for Saturday evening. Again, he responds:

I am soooo glad you are giving me a chance...

 

Okay, so here is my situation for tonight. I have early dinner plans at 5 and I will probably be free by 7. But I need to take a friend to the airport at 10, which is a huge inconvenience for me. I would probably need to be free by 9 to do that.

 

So, in short, I will be free between 7 and 9, if you just wanted to meet for drinks. I will be in the Plano area at around that time and we can try to meet somewhere close to there. And I will be free from 11 all night. So, I guess it depends on what you would like to do and for how long you are available. Do you need to be home early again? If not, maybe we can meet for drinks at around 7 or so, and if you think you like me we can get together again late night and have some fun. Or we can get together again another time for that...

 

Sorry to be so complicated, but this is my crazy schedule for the night... lol. I can tell you this though, whatever time we might set up, I will be prompt and I will not miss. That is a promise!

 

Let me know what you think and feel free to call me if you would like. I am available this time...

So... I send a reply email agreeing to 7pm, and I follow that up with a text message. I also found a couple that was interested in meeting for the first time, so email them that we'll be available after 9pm.

 

2:00pm: I arrange a baby sitter (and with that arrangement comes less time restrictions than the evening-out event)

 

2:30pm: called F to let her know we are going out again. She's excited (thankfully)

 

3:00pm: Single guy calls me and confirms that he will be there and thanks us for the second chance.

 

4:00pm: she gets home and starts getting cleaned up.

 

6:10pm: Get a text message from him that his restaurant has a long line and asking if was ok to move it to 8pm. "If not, I will leave here early...". Being the understanding kind, we agree.

 

7:30pm: we show up at Twin Peaks and admire the really short shorts. Again pass the time with my hand in F's lap. :-)

 

8:00pm: passes uneventfully. Still no guy.

 

8:10pm: The couple texts and says they are too exhausted for a late night and hope to meet us some other day

 

8:15pm: get a text from the single guy... "almost there"

 

8:25pm: he walks in the door. Wife faints. Just kidding. We have a good conversation at the bar.

 

9:00pm: wife points out that is it 9pm, and single guy says he has until around 9:30pm. Orders a round of drinks. Great conversation continues.

 

9:30pm: Decides he had better leave and pays our bar tab (not much; only a couple drinks). F says that we want to go to either the 13th floor or David A's for some dancing and will call him to let him know which one so that he can catch up with us. He says he loves dancing, acts quite excited at going some place new, and says he'll meet up with us.

 

10pm: stop by my office to use the Internet to look up the phone number for the 13th floor, but realize I forgot my key. Stop by the house and while Carina is "getting her dancing shoes", I hit the computer and get the address and phone number for the 13th floor. Also send a text message from a computer account with a meeting point so that he can follow us to the 13th floor.

 

10:20pm: We call the 13th floor and are jolted into remembering that new people must be there by 9:30pm. Arg!

 

10:40pm: We arrive at the meeting point at 10:40pm, not far from 13th floor, but realizing that we can't take him there. So we decide we'll wait for him and then he can follow us to to David A's.

 

11:00pm: Single guy still not there. Try to call... get a weird busy. Call back and get voice mail after some number of rings.

 

11:15pm: decide to go on to David A's and let him catch up. Describe directions to David A's to the (again) voicemail

 

11:30pm: Get to David A's. While the dance area is not closed, there is an African celebration night in progress, complete with wild hats. We don't have wild hats, so we decide to not go in.

 

11:40pm: Back at the meet-up point and leave last voicemail to that effect, as well as a text message.

 

Midnight Saturday: Drive back home. Tell babysitter that the place we'd gone to go dancing had been closed.

 

The only positive thing to come out of this evening was that somehow F did not lose her mojo... we spent much of our time parking with me up her skirt and/or playing with her nipples. She said she was so turned on, she almost couldn't see straight. We had a great "party" ourselves when we got home, and again the next (Sunday) night.

 

Anyone else had other problems connecting up with people that seem to show very obvious interest?

 

H.

[TheLorax 173]

*laughs* Wow, what a writeup! I enjoyed reading it.

 

Yeah, I, and we, have had several intances of waiting for people who presented themselves well via email and on the phone. My policy is

one chance, after that they don't get a second chance since our time is pretty slammed. It can be frustrating since we put a lot of effort into being available. This is one reason we prefer to play with people we already know, but it takes time to develop that friendship in the first place.

[bbarnsworth 2,638]

We'll give someone a second chance if there's a reasonable reason they skipped on us the first time. After that, no. There's another thread out there somewhere about how many chances do you give.

 

Honestly, this guy strikes me as a bit of a flake. As a single in the lifestyle, he is in low demand. He should have been very careful in his commitments and communication with you. He wasn't. Regardless of how good looking he is, how nice he is, it's not worth the effort. How many more times will he stand you up?

 

We had one single male who twice stood us up, then tried to recontact us again after the second time. We said thanks but no thanks. We had another single male who set up a play date with us and then let us know some hours in advance he'd be about an hour late. He was an hour late, showed up right on (new) time. That was fine with us. Things happen. Twice? No. Sorry. Next. Another single male bowed out in meeting with us because of a snowstorm, and an hour drive to meet us. That was easy confirm; look out the window. It was snowing mountains. A later meet and greet worked out fine.

[LuckyDallasCpl 17]

*laughs* Wow, what a writeup! I enjoyed reading it.

Thanks. I started writing it out long form, but it turns out to big one huge paragraph - and I know I hate trying to follow those when others write them.

 

This is the first time in our (somewhat limited) swinging experiences that we've had to grant a second chance. None of those involved a single. We'll likely give second chances in the future, as described by bbarnsworth, although we perfectly understand people who wouldn't even want to do that.

 

H.

[Chicup 41]

He's married.

 

Additionally he may have decided he wasn't interested in the second meeting and ditched you.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Never would I go through that much hoping to get a fuck from a stranger.

 

LM

[LuckyDallasCpl 17]

He's married.

I'm usually pretty good at thinking of all the possibilities in a situation, but I have to admit that this one did not cross my mind. He wasn't afraid to talk about who he is or what he does... gave us his business card with full name and everything else, in fact. Doing that could be kinda dangerous for him. Said another way, he sure didn't seem like he had anything to hide - although I'll admit I spend all my time around "good" truthful people, so my view of that kind of thing could be slanted. But I can see your point, with his erratic scheduling that doesn't match his message.

 

As for not going to that much trouble, in retrospect, it certainly looks that way. We had intended on getting together with the other couple at 9:30, which would have made for a completely different outcome to the evening (that is not tentatively planned for this Friday). As it was, we were willing to go along with it a bit more, although we certainly should have caught the hint by 11pm (and gone on to the 13th floor by ourselves). I guess we're too forgiving and/or polite.

 

Thanks so much for the ideas and feedback!

 

H.

[bbarnsworth 2,638]

I'll just add this; how hot and horny your wife was getting at the prospect bodes very well for whenever this MFM threesome does happen It's hot just reading that! Whomever the lucky third is, he's going to be very lucky indeed.

[The Fuse 1,012]

If you don't know someone already, here's a thought: arrange to meet for drinks somewhere near your house, but ask him to call when he gets to the meeting place. That way if he doesn't get there or never intended to go, at least you aren't sitting there looking for a no-show.

 

If you're in Dallas, perhaps meeting someone at a club would be a better way to go though. That way they're already there and you aren't going through all this logistical stuff.

[TheLorax 173]

If you don't know someone already, here's a thought: arrange to meet for drinks somewhere near your house, but ask him to call when he gets to the meeting place. That way if he doesn't get there or never intended to go, at least you aren't sitting there looking for a no-show.

 

.

 

That's not a bad idea, but doesn't work so well when you have to arrange a sitter beforehand.

[bbarnsworth 2,638]

If you're in Dallas, perhaps meeting someone at a club would be a better way to go though. That way they're already there and you aren't going through all this logistical stuff.

 

This is something a lot of swinging couples do, Dallas or no They insist on meet and greets with new people at a local swing club.

 

We successfully weeded out one couple that wasn't serious in just this very way. They insisted on face photos from us very early on in communication. We were happy to send body photos, but wouldn't (and won't) do face photos. So, we said we couldn't do that. They got negative and said they couldn't do a meet and greet then. We counter offered and suggested they meet us at a swing club that was within a few miles of their place. That way, if they didn't like us it wasn't a wasted evening for them (or us!). They balked.

 

And the afterword to that is that couple is barely active in the lifestyle from what we can tell.

[The Fuse 1,012]

That's not a bad idea, but doesn't work so well when you have to arrange a sitter beforehand.

 

Very true; good point.

[LuckyDallasCpl 17]

The comment about pictures reminds me of a couple that had sent us a series of notes this past spring. They were VERY interested. REALLY REALLY interested. They insisted on some some custom pictures to prove that we were real, and we obliged once. Then they asked for more and our alarm bells sounded. We explained that there would be no more pictures, but that we were real and that we were ready and willing to meet at a restaurant (during a similar Friday evening out for our child). They backed down on the picture thing, and suggested a time and place to meet, to which we agreed. THEN they burned their bridge a different way: before having even met us face to face, and the apparently jumping to the conclusion that we would play after dinner, they wrote: "BTW, Friday night both L and I are going to fuck F in the ass." We responded:

Wow. We thought L was supposed to be the aggressive one!

 

The baby sitter we were planning on lining up for Friday would only allow us enough time to meet for dinner, not play afterwards. Besides, it's not our style to jump straight into full swap right after a plateful of appetizers. And while playful talk of sexual acts can be erotic, it requires something of an existing relationship first to come across that way. In this case, it just came across as disrespectful and overly aggressive and has made us reconsider.

Needless to say we passed and they called us fakes. Oh well.

 

Despite these two incidents, we really have have met some great people and had great times over the past many years.

 

H.

[joaninla 162]

Never would I go through that much hoping to get a fuck from a stranger.

 

LM

 

I have to agree. I bet you know someone that would be very happy to participate in the DP.

[LuckyDallasCpl 17]

Follow-up: checked early this week and the single guy with four validations hadn't been logged in since the day _after_ our meeting him for drinks, well over a week ago.

 

And then sometime within the past few days, the profile was deleted.

[bbarnsworth 2,638]

Follow-up: checked early this week and the single guy with four validations hadn't been logged in since the day _after_ our meeting him for drinks, well over a week ago.

 

And then sometime within the past few days, the profile was deleted.

 

Sounds like this was a married guy who got caught. Unfortunately, there are people like that among singles. This was something my wife and I talked about before trying out single men for her. We didn't want to play with a guy who was cheating on his wife. We didn't mind her playing with someone who was married, so long as we could confirm permission. So, how do we determine if the guy is married and playing without permission? We figured we'd have to watching for little warning signs. Tan marks on wedding ring finger for example. So far, to our knowledge, my wife hasn't played with a married and cheating single.

 

On to the next for you. There's plenty of single guys out there.

 

Thanks for updating us!

[Karmickiss 28]

Hi LuckyDallasCpl,

I was just reading your thread, and wanted to say so sorry to hear about the basic disrespect, really. I so enjoyed reading about it, it was really well written, and paints a vivid picture, for me at least.

It was unfortunate in some ways, of course, I really feel for both of you on that, but it was a great attitude from you both that I have to believe this experience will somehow be a beneficial one, in certain ways.

Really, I have to say I admired your gal's reactions, which really could have been terrible and understandably so! That's really an attractive quality, it feels healthy to me; and she should hold her head up and keep on keeping on like that, but it can be tough to do in the moment.

I agree with so many that have had their say, and think it will be a beautiful thing when there is another opportunity, that's deserving(optimistically thinking) of both your time and company. It just felt refreshing to read, I feel like I learned a little something from reading about it......Sincerely, karmic

[LuckyDallasCpl 17]

karmic and everyone else: Thanks so much for the kind words!

 

Here is the second (and most likely final) update:

 

A few months ago, we noticed that he reappeared (reactivated his profile) and we watched as he accumulated validations from obviously real people. And then, about a week ago, we received this:

We met at Twin Peaks several months ago and we were supposed to get together later that night. I got pulled over and almost got a DUI and didn't make it. I should have gotten in touch but to be honest, I guess I was very embarrassed. I took a break from swingers date club for about 6 months. I certainly apologize for that. I have never intentionally stood anyone up in my life. I sure would like to make it up to you. I was so totally looking forward to having a great time. I liked you guys a lot. If there is no forgiveness, I completely understand. Please get in touch. I hope you guys are well and I hope to hear from you!

You gotta admire ... umm... well, something!

[LuckyDallasCpl 17]

Sounds to me like he's just playing games and is just a flake. There are too many single guys out there to put up with so much from just one...no matter what he looks like.

Oh, we have no plans on throwing more interest his way... just thought somes of ya's might like the "rest of the story."

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Double booked yourselves and still ended up with a dead deal.

[LFM2 1,482]

I think you saved yourself some time. If he didn't show up, especially the second time, you're lucky. I'd forget him. And Chicup has a good point... He's probably married.

[JandKinBoise 858]

I would assume that most of us have experienced this to some extent. I dont think many of us could communicate it as well! Nicely done! Anyway, we tend to go into all new relationships feeling pretty skeptical. SO many guys that exaggerate skills, looks, stamina, lifestyle etc. Fortunately for us, and any couple deeply in love and lust with each other, the sex leading up to a meeting and after a meeting is the icing.

We are still kind of new to this, mfm only. Our plan is to build a small group of guys we could see every few months. Tougher than you might think. The single guy is in low demand as earlier stated so searching brings the hordes. Wading through has been really fun for the wife and me. We have a date tonight with our only current "steady". Sex all week has been off the chart because we know this guy can go for hours and we are both looking forward to it. Happy hunting!