Well it seems I was delusional too...

[Chicup 42]

One thing I've posted about are the 30 something couple who thinks they are better looking then they are. Now I've always thought I've had a good grip on our looks being Bish on a A-F scale, but apparently only so far.

 

As part of the recent photography thread I started, I made a stupid comment to my wife about how we didn't take our good 35mm camera on our last tropical vacation, which was many years ago.

 

She of course told me I was an idiot. She was correct and I completely forgot. To prove it she brought out the THREE photo books of the trip, mostly landscape shots which is the kind of photography she was studying at the time.

 

Thank god....

 

You see, if you dig far enough you will find posts by me where I say I hide my weight well, even from this time period. That, was a lie. My first reaction to this 6ish year old picture was 'dear god I'm a fat ass'. Now I know my wife as a fat ass (we use this language with each other on the subject, one of the better parts of open communication), and so does she at that point in our history, but I was delusional.

 

I even had man boobs from the right angles, and with a t-shirt loosely tucked into shorts, there is the unmistakable spare tire.

 

Had I not lost all the weight recently would I even notice it in the photos?

 

I have to wonder, are we all a little delusional (pro/con) about how we look to others?

 

Anyways I thought I'd share that anecdote. Feel free to add your own.

[SecretAsianMan 348]

I've always thought I was rather ... mediocre as far as physical appearances go. Nothing special and certainly not everybody's cup of tea.

 

I'm always rather surprised that ANYONE finds me attractive at all... I used to say, "I was making it on my looks and getting no where fast!"

 

Recently, however - it seems like maybe I've been wrong about that... maybe I'm not the hideous troll I've always thought I was.

[The Fuse 1,012]

We're all delusional to some degree, about a lot of things. Sometimes I really appreciate it when someone calls me on my own bullshit. Sometimes I don't, of course.

 

When we were in a poly relationship, my "other husband" was completely delusional about the way he looked. He was one of the most magnetic, handsome men I have ever known. He knew he could get women any time he wanted, because they would throw themselves at him regularly. But he thought he was ugly and skinny, both of which were delusions. I remember once we were in a costume store and he couldn't get any of the vests over his shoulders. He was confused. I had to tell him his shoulders were too broad for the adult male costumes. He just didn't see himself clearly. (Of course, I didn't see him clearly either, but that's another story.)

 

My parents were delusional about one of my siblings smoking pot in the house when I was a teenager. The smell was obvious. But they refused to notice it.

 

I wanted to follow a certain career path when I was younger. The fact that I had no natural aptitude didn't stop me from thinking that would just change magically at some point. We all have our delusions.

[TheLorax 173]

We build images about ourselves that are hard to quantify. Leaving aside the differences in issues women and men have to deal with regarding body image which are equally problematic, there is a very strong messages given to NOT think of ourselves as attractive.

 

It's hard to be objective not only because we have a distorted view of ourselves, but because our view changes as our perspective changes. You may have looked fine 6 years ago, but now you are viewing yourself through a lens of having lost weight and gotten in better shape.

 

Physically, I find myself most attractive when I was 19-21. But I was an idiot and a self-centered, arrogant ass back then (though I didn't even think in terms of my attractiveness, physical or otherwise then). I've worked a lot on becoming the kind of person I want to be, and I think I am a lot more attractive from that standpoint, even if I am not as physically attractive as I was then (from my perspective).

 

I've been doing a photo project (I am a decent amateur photographer with a few awards under my belt) of taking pics of myself as I've been on my exercise program the last couple of years and I can see my weight dropping more than is reflected on the scale (since I've also been building muscle mass), and I feel like I've become more physically attractive, but a large part of my self-motivational drive has been to think of myself as not attractive (not in an unhealthy manner, just a head game I play with myself while I am exercising), and the differences are more pronounced to me since I am looking critically at myself.

 

I think it matters most in venues where people's attraction is primarily visual such as picking someone up at a club, obviously. That's not important to me, but being able to hump a 55lb pack up to the top of my ridge without breathing hard is for me

[sweet_tna 680]

We all have our little delusions. It's part of the human psyche, I guess. Looking back at pics of me in college, I realize I had a body to die for--well, at least one I'd kill to have now. But I honestly thought I was fat and unattractive, and I was all of 117 pounds.

 

Now, I weigh considerably more, and find it a struggle to keep that weight under control. I have stretch marks, cellulite, and that little pouch of extra skin that comes from having babies. Oddly enough, I feel SO much better about myself now and see a much more attractive person in the mirror. I'd like to think that this attitude shines through and makes the extra poundage a little less noticeable. Not that it really matters, 'cause once the clothes come off, there's no hiding anything.

 

Of course, I'll continue to fight the good fight with exercise and diet (by which I mean attempting to eat healthier) and thereby remove the need for any delusions.

[Chicup 42]

sweet_tna said:

We all have our little delusions. It's part of the human psyche, I guess. Looking back at pics of me in college, I realize I had a body to die for--well, at least one I'd kill to have now. But I honestly thought I was fat and unattractive, and I was all of 117 pounds.

 

Now, I weigh considerably more, and find it a struggle to keep that weight under control. I have stretch marks, cellulite, and that little pouch of extra skin that comes from having babies. Oddly enough, I feel SO much better about myself now and see a much more attractive person in the mirror. I'd like to think that this attitude shines through and makes the extra poundage a little less noticeable. Not that it really matters, 'cause once the clothes come off, there's no hiding anything.

 

Of course, I'll continue to fight the good fight with exercise and diet (by which I mean attempting to eat healthier) and thereby remove the need for any delusions.

 

You sound like Mrs Chicup. She was 118 when I met her and she hated her looks.

[TheLorax 173]

sweet_tna said:

 

Of course, I'll continue to fight the good fight with exercise and diet (by which I mean attempting to eat healthier) and thereby remove the need for any delusions.

 

The BEST reason to exercise and eat healthy is because it makes us live longer and in better health. The bonus is that we look and feel better about ourselves

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The Fuse said:

We're all delusional to some degree, about a lot of things. Sometimes I really appreciate it when someone calls me on my own bullshit. Sometimes I don't, of course.

 

I have to ditto the above. I think everyone is delusional about themselves in one direction or the other. The too skinny's think they are too fat, and those with a few pounds to lose often have no clue. As The Fuse said, sometimes it's a good thing when someone loves you enough to slap you upside the head and just be honest. This happened to me a few years ago. I'd put on about 40lbs in about a year... Even though none of my clothes fit and I practically lived in sweatpants I was in denial until my best friend looked at me one day and said "Julie I love you but you really need to lose some weight, it's just not healthy". She was right and I joined a gym the next day and went on a diet.

[Chicup 42]

I have to ditto the above. I think everyone is delusional about themselves in one direction or the other. The too skinny's think the are too fat, and those with a few pounds to lose often have no clue. As The Fuse said, sometimes it's a good thing when someone loves you enough to slap you upside the head and just be honest. This happened to me a few years ago. I'd put on about 40lbs in about a year... Even though none of my clothes fit and I practically lived in sweatpants I was in denial until my best friend looked at me one day and said "Julie I love you but you really need to lose some weight, it's just not healthy". She was right and I joined a gym the next day and went on a diet.

 

Its much more fun the other way when someone who hasn't seen you in months talks about how good you look now.

 

Which is another way of saying 'boy you didn't look good before'.

 

This was a bad period for us appearance wise, and I'm not sure WHY we got so bad, I'm guessing it was just finally being 30+ and living like we were 20somethings.

[WonderWhat 166]

Well, now that I'm 40-ish and I see pictures of me in my teens and twenties, I say to myself:

 

"YOU IDIOT! YOU COULD'A HAD ALL THE CHICKS YOU WANTED! BUT NO! YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE FAT AND GEEKY!"

 

Which was something that I also heard in my 20-year high-school reunion.... 20 years too late.

 

And now, I'm not delusional. I know that losing those last five pounds got rid of the hint of man-boobs. I just have to lose another ten pounds to look good. Ten more will make me look hot.

 

Maybe in time for the 23-year class reunion

[NCfuncouple98 367]

Yeah, we're all delusional.

 

Mr. NC still sees himself as the scrawny skinny guy he was in high school. (50 pounds ago!!!). Recently he borrowed a suit from a friend (who truly is a skinny guy) only to realize the shoulders were too tight and the arms were too short. Then he realized "You mean I'm that much bigger than he is" My response "Uh, YES dear!". It takes an outside opinion.

 

I'm no different. I know I'm a good 15-20 pounds over the "average" weight for my height. I happen to sell Mary Kay as a "fun" job and last week a woman in her 60's told me it was so easy to buy from someone so beautiful. Floored me. Of course Mr NC tells me that all the time..... Doesn't make me believe it like a stranger can.

[PB&J 1,086]

PB spent several years telling me I needed to lose some weight- which I knew-without looking in the mirror himself. He kept saying it didn't matter so much for men. And in his mind he was still the skinny guy he was when we met. Well the Lifestyle was a bit of a wakeup call for him on that. We both went on low-carb diet in the spring, lost some weight (sadly gained some of it back, need to get serious again!). One night he kept telling me that his waist was smaller than mine after dieting- yeah right. I went and got the measuring tape.... measured... and somehow he hasn't made any comments like that since.

 

I know I need to lose weight still... but I got cast in a play as a hot-looking sexy babe over at least two other women who looked pretty damn good, so that makes me feel good. Hopefully it won`t stop me from trying to lose more weight.

[knb2004 364]

Chicup said:

You sound like Mrs Chicup. She was 118 when I met her and she hated her looks.

I must say, dude, most of us don't look very good by the time we turn 118 so maybe she had a point!

[dlflorida 52]

I must say, dude, most of us don't look very good by the time we turn 118 so maybe she had a point!

 

Now THAT is funny...

[Chicup 42]

I must say, dude, most of us don't look very good by the time we turn 118 so maybe she had a point!

 

She's an elf, i was practically robbing the cradle.

[knb2004 364]

She's an elf, i was practically robbing the cradle.

 

Wow, aren't those even rarer than the ever-sought-after unicorn??

[mixtupcpl 169]

As for me, no delusion here. I am fully aware that if it wasn't for the powers of hypnotism and mind control I'd be intimately acquainted with only my good friends "right" and "left"

[The Fuse 1,012]

PB spent several years telling me I needed to lose some weight- which I knew-without looking in the mirror himself. He kept saying it didn't matter so much for men.

 

It doesn't matter as much, unless he's under the delusion that he'll be playing too.

[Guest warrencouple]

You know, on the subject of deluding ourselves, I thought I wasn't too bad in the stomach, until the wife and I took photos of each other before we started going to the gym...

 

While I'm not beer gut bad, I do have a bit of an...

overhang...

at the belt.

 

Possibly doesn't help, either, that in the pictures, I also noticed I tend to tilt back from the waist, some, which seems to push out the gut a bit more...

 

At least according to most of the BMI calculators, I'm within the normal weight range, if on the upper end...

[mixtupcpl 169]

You know, on the subject of deluding ourselves, I thought I wasn't too bad in the stomach, until the wife and I took photos of each other before we started going to the gym...

 

While I'm not beer gut bad, I do have a bit of an...

overhang...

at the belt.

 

Possibly doesn't help, either, that in the pictures, I also noticed I tend to tilt back from the waist, some, which seems to push out the gut a bit more...

 

At least according to most of the BMI calculators, I'm within the normal weight range, if on the upper end...

 

Jason

 

As you get older that becomes incredibly hard to manage. Im normal weight also, but am endlessly depressed about the state of my midsection (esp when I remember having a washboard stomach as a kid)

 

Its interesting... I know the traditional stereotype is women suffer with body image issues and men dont give a shit, but these days I think many men are equally stressed over it. I know Mrs. Mix and I are equally hard on ourselves (but not each other! LOL)

[Chicup 42]

warrencouple mixtupcpl - Apparently we are all the same age (40ish). I was in the exact same place in May-June. (I whined though 3 months earlier )

 

I managed a pound or two a week from June until now, and I'm on the verge of kissing the love handles goodbye completely. I can't even wear my old shorts because they keep falling off.

 

I'd recommend something like South Beach, Atkins, or any of the easier to follow low carb diets to start, thats what got my initial weight loss going as counting calories just isn't going to happen in my case. Now I'm on the body for life style plan which is frequent small meals and lots of exercise, especially weight lifting.

 

I don't think the issue is that its hard as much as that before it was so easy. When I see guys 20 years older than me who can physically put me to shame at the gym I know its time to get serious while we still can.

[Guest warrencouple]

As you get older that becomes incredibly hard to manage. Im normal weight also, but am endlessly depressed about the state of my midsection (esp when I remember having a washboard stomach as a kid)

 

Its interesting... I know the traditional stereotype is women suffer with body image issues and men dont give a shit, but these days I think many men are equally stressed over it. I know Mrs. Mix and I are equally hard on ourselves (but not each other! LOL)

 

Yeah, when I was younger, while I didn't have a 6-pack abs, I could *almost* get one by flexing. Not now.

 

I won't say I'm stressed over how I look, I think I'm more concerned with the fact that my cholesterol level is bad enough that my Dr has me on medication. So, part of why I've started going to the gym more, is to try to fight that. I know I'm not helping, as I've not made any big changes in my diet, but it's a start.

 

As for the wofe, she's known for some time she should have been trying to lose weight, but it's harder for her to get the enthusiasm for the gym, as she doesn't see the results. I've noticed that her butt has gotten firmer, but the belly hasn't gone away, and the scale still puts her on the heavy side. Some of that, is muscle mass, so I just need to keep pushing her to the gym with me, as well as stopping myself from doing the "it was a rough day, i don't really feel like going" wimp out...

 

(exercise, one of the few things it's GOOD to push someone to do)

Jason

[Guest warrencouple]

Chicup said:

Now I'm on the body for life style plan which is frequent small meals and lots of exercise, especially weight lifting.

 

If so, I think I might try to get myself and the wife on it. Actually, one of her friends she talked to today (for the first time in a LONG time) mentioned she's on the Body for Life diet.

 

The wife did try going through Medical Weight Loss, but got frustrated with the recipes they gave, she stated they had no flavor, and she couldn't / wasn't supposed to use most of the seasonings she'd like. Looking over the shopping list for this, it looks like they OK most spices. She might also like this, as the grilled steaks on Mondays would mean I'd cook. After all, it ain't grilling if you ain't using the barbecue grill, right?

 

Of course, some of this would require another change for us. Working 9-6 M-F, she tends to get up about 7:30am, I drag-ass until almost 8am, which leaves time for a quick breakfast (cereal for her, I end up eating breakfast bars at work on break at around 11am,) and not much else.

[Chicup 42]

 

Quote

The wife did try going through Medical Weight Loss, but got frustrated with the recipes they gave, she stated they had no flavor, and she couldn't / wasn't supposed to use most of the seasonings she'd like. Looking over the shopping list for this, it looks like they OK most spices. She might also like this, as the grilled steaks on Mondays would mean I'd cook. After all, it ain't grilling if you ain't using the barbecue grill, right?

 

I have no idea of any diet that would have a problem with any spices, is that the crazy one that talks about your blood type and such? Total rubbish if it is, load up on the spices.

 

Quote

Of course, some of this would require another change for us. Working 9-6 M-F, she tends to get up about 7:30am, I drag-ass until almost 8am, which leaves time for a quick breakfast (cereal for her, I end up eating breakfast bars at work on break at around 11am,) and not much else.

 

I've taken to making the meals in bulk ahead of time. The supplements are a rip off, the premade ones taste ok but are expensive, the powders are just gross. Many other studies show the best way is several small meals a day especially breakfast over 3 bigger ones (or as I was doing 2 big ones, being I always skipped breakfast).

 

While not strictly body for life (it would frown on the cheese) a single egg Mcmuffin is the prefect start (only one no hashbrowns ). Its 330 calories, has both protein and carbs, too much fat from the cheese for BFL but I don't worry that much about a little extra fat.

[amid 91]

I'm proud to say at 48 I still have my 6 Pack abs!!!

 

Only problem is it's behind the Half Keg!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Chicup said:

It is much more fun the other way when someone who hasn't seen you in months talks about how good you look now.

 

Which is another way of saying 'boy you didn't look good before'.

 

This was a bad period for us appearance wise, and I'm not sure WHY we got so bad, I'm guessing it was just finally being 30+ and living like we were 20somethings.

 

Luckily, I've been on the other end this year... as I finally got back to (or below) the weight I was before I put on that 40lbs.