Buyer's Remorse

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

This is a continuation of sorts of my other question, but its unrelated so I thought I'd start a new thread.

 

As previously stated, my wife and I are just in the thinking and talking stages of exploring the lifestyle. We have more questions than anything right now and we've done a lot of reading and researching and most importantly talking amongst ourselves about the matter. What bothers us, what turns us on, what we think we could and couldn't do.........etc.

 

One thing that I thought of, and turns out she thought of it as well, is has anyone ever experienced "buyers remorse" after entering the lifestyle? By that I mean, did you go into it, think it out carefully, consider all the possibilities but finally decide to take the leap, only to regret it afterwards? I guess our concern is that we'll get caught up in the moment and do things but then later after its over, after the fire is out, we'll wish we hadn't done it. This is really a harder question to ask than I thought. So maybe another way to think about it is this: Did you ever get to the point that you were 100% OK with the idea of doing it, all your questions were answered, everything talked about and everything looked good to go, but then after you went, you looked back and said "well, we weren't ready and I wish we'd not done that"?

 

I think our biggest fear is that we'll end up taking the plunge for the experience and then it will do some irreparable harm to our marriage because we weren't ready or it wasn't really for us. Neither one of us has anything in mind specifically that could do that, but an example might be something like me looking over at her while she's with another man and see the look in her eye that I thought only *I* could give her and being crushed. I don't know, seems kind of silly, but best example off the top of my head.

[mixtupcpl 169]

but an example might be something like me looking over at her while she's with another man and see the look in her eye that I thought only *I* could give her and being crushed. I don't know, seems kind of silly, but best example off the top of my head.

 

Not sure how to answer really, but I do think its worth pointing out that this is almost certain to happen. If the point isnt to enjoy sex, then there is no point. So the goal pretty much has to be to WANT to experience this. In the end, sex is physical. The connection you guys have that no one else can give her cant be something you can read in an expression. If you go in with that insecurity, you will definitely be finding yourself in a tough situation.

 

I have no illusions that there are a million other guys who will be better in bed than me and there is a good chance that Mrs. Mix will happen across one (hell, I HOPE so for her sake!) I cant get into the female mind, but I suppose the same fear maybe exists for women also (not sure if women have the same type of "performance anxiety" that would hit men).

 

One thing you can do is start out very soft. Start with just being with each other in front of another couple. See if you can handle that. Then maybe move to some light touching, or what have you. There is no "wrong" here. Exploring your comfort levels is a huge part of this.

 

As long as you are totally honest with each other up front and have strong communication, I think the chance of total disaster is very small. If one person isnt being honest or the relationship has genuine problems you arent seeing and/or acknowledging, the chance of disaster is very high.

[2aussies 51]

I think mixtupcpl hit the nail on the head in their last paragraph. Our first time with another couple was a disaster because we made every newbie mistake you can think of (I've written a story about this, it's in Curious About swinging, you may be able to find it) but we had made a pact before we went in that whatever happened once we walked out of the room we would still be a couple and normal life would resume. We were still able to laugh about it on the way home, and we've had some experiences since that have made us glad we stuck with it. Even if one of us has made a mistake and gone over our boundaries we've still been together enough to get over it.

[Alura 2,775]

My ol' Pappy was fond of saying, "Shouladones don't count," Curious. The best thing one can do for a case of "buyers remorse" is put it behind you and get on with your life. Put on an old Eagles' hit and "Get over it!"

 

Alura

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

Assuming you've fully discussed everything, you're on the same page, you know what your boundaries are and you both stay within them, having buyer's remorse is potentially just part of the landscape...and this applies to EVERYTHING in life.

 

You can spend time researching stuff for a new car. You can test drive a dozen different cars. You can talk to actual owners of the car you're interested in. You can visit the dealership many times over. But, none of this will prepare you for how you will feel about the car six months down the road, because none of it has anything to do with how you will react to the car in six months. Same goes for house buying.

 

You can't know everything in advance. You just can't. If the fear of the unknown is a legitimate fear that prevents you from acting on things, then you are doomed to a life with nothing new in it for the rest of your life. For me, that's a life of boredom. Your mileage may vary.

 

My wife and I discussed this very thing. Once you walk over the bridge, you can't walk back. You've engaged in consensual extra-marital sex. There's no 'undo'; you've done it. For us, we decided that if the first experience was neutral, or even moderately bad, we'd try again and maybe a couple of more times after that. If it was remaining neutral or bad, we'd give it up and move on with a vanilla life.

 

I'm very glad we decided this. The first few times with us were fairly neutral, or somewhat good. It was fun, but nothing extraordinary. Then there was this one particular single guy that set her on fire, and she had fantastic sex with him. It was after that she said she was sold on swinging, and wanted to keep swinging. Me too

 

Yes, you might react negatively to seeing an expression of ecstasy on your wife's face, put there by another man. You might feel pangs of jealousy hearing your wife moan as another man is fucking her. Only you can judge that, and only you can judge if that is something you're willing to contend with well enough to engage in swinging.

 

For us, we knew that if we did give up swinging, especially after bad experiences, that we'd still be a couple and we were strong enough in our relationship that we'd get back to happy in short order, if there was an unhappy to get back from (which we doubted would be the case).

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

Great advice everyone and you've all said pretty much what's been running through my head all along. You just won't know until you get there. I"m very big on doing everything I can do to prepare myself for a decision and then running with it and not looking back. I've bought cars, houses, etc that months later I thought "Well, hell, if I'd known that I'd not gone this route", but then I brushed it aside and thought about all the good things about it that I DO like. I feel the same way about this. Should we ever choose to go down this road, I know we will have hashed it out frontways, backways and sideways and we will BOTH be ready to go. If it works, it works, but I can't see anything happening in that bedroom that will make me leave feeling like we're not still a couple. I'm not saying I'm going to like it all and jealousy is a big part of it for both of us, but we're a strong couple and I think we can overcome anything that may happen in this scenario.

 

Like I've told her, I love for her to feel good. I LOVE making her feel good, if letting her experience another man will make her feel good, then I'm all for it. I just want to make sure I"m mentally prepared to deal with what I might see when that happens.

 

Thanks again for the advice and stories. This all helps as we work our way through this.

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

Like I've told her, I love for her to feel good. I LOVE making her feel good, if letting her experience another man will make her feel good, then I'm all for it. I just want to make sure I"m mentally prepared to deal with what I might see when that happens.

 

One of my greatest pleasures is making my wife happy. That doesn't mean that I sacrifice myself utterly and completely to her every whim and desire of course; she couldn't respect me then. It does mean we walk together and work towards our mutual happiness.

 

We both realized that swinging wasn't going to harm our relationship. CHEATING is what harms relationships, not sex (not that you swing to avoid cheating...bad idea). I've always gotten a big kick out of my wife having a good time sexually, whether it's just the two of us or with other people. If we both didn't respond that we, we'd just choose to do something else. Easy. We didn't cheat on each other; we walked together.

 

Another poster here noted to his wife (trying to remember the exact quote) "When you're having sex with another man, I'm making love to you using his body" There's a lot of truth in that; allowing your wife to enjoy sex from another man is a gift from you to her. So long as the gift is respected, and you are treated with love, kindness and togetherness with her, there really isn't much to be worried about. You and her can both relish the wonderful time she is having. And it really is wonderful! That first time with a single guy that finally clicked with my wife was a beautiful thing. It was sooo enjoyable watching them fuck each other.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Things are likely to happen that you wish hadn't happened, maybe one of you goes a little further than the other was comfortable with, maybe a situation arises that you hadn't thought of before. When that happens you just have to be able to talk about it and then put it behind you. Discuss what you want to happen the next time that situation arises, what about it made one or both of you uncomfortable, why you wish it hadn't happened, etc. If you can do that together, you'll be able to move past it. What will cause serious remorse is if you can't talk about it and you end up building up issues between you.

[SecretAsianMan 348]

It's okay to feel a bit of "buyers remorse" from time to time if you discover that it's not for you after trying it out.

 

Or if y'all start to feel jealous that your partner is experiencing something with someone new that you wish you could do for 'em. That's normal. Usually I get past that & am just happy to see my partner (physically) having such a wonderful time ... knowing that emotionally she'll always come back to me and loves me for letting her enjoy herself so.

 

There really is nothing short of always have open communication between y'all ... talk about the experience before & after. Discuss any feelings or insecurities (it was really great seeing you do "such-and-such" ... it made me uncomfortable when "this" happened... etc.) and decide if y'all want to try it again and what y'all can do next time to make it better.

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

I think communication is the real key here. I keep hearing that over and over, but I know it all too well. Its something we are totally into right now and something fairly new to us, the fact that we openly communicate like we do now. We don't hold back at all any more. The best part is that the more we do that, the more we see the positive affects and it keeps getting easier to do.

[slevin 1,374]

Like I've told her, I love for her to feel good. I LOVE making her feel good, if letting her experience another man will make her feel good, then I'm all for it. I just want to make sure I"m mentally prepared to deal with what I might see when that happens.

 

Lots of great advice here, but one thing I think might be important for you to hear is that it's not really going to be possible for you to know how you're going to feel about your wife being with another man until you actually see it. You can know in your head that you think it's a good thing, that it's hot etc., but until you are in the moment there is no way to know for sure how you're going to feel about it.

 

If it interests you to the point that you're here and you and she are talking openly and frequently about it then it's probably worth taking the plunge and just going with it. See what happens. Just because you do it once doesn't mean it has to turn into 'who you are'.

[socolais 696]

I think "buyer's remorse" is very close to "failed expectations". Is swinging going to live up to your (both) expectations? If we expect swinging to be a fun opportunity to explore fresh sexual experiences and share that excitement with each other, then remorse is less likely. Half of the responsibility for a good time belongs to the other couple or however many folks are involved. You are likely to encounter folks that are not sexually compatible with yall - for whatever reason. You are also likely to encounter stable, mature folks that are looking for the same kind of fun you are.

 

If you go into each opportunity with no more expectation than to have some fun, you're more likely to find fun. Even bad sex is not too bad with the right attitude.

[lookingfornow 116]

I'm very big on doing everything I can do to prepare myself for a decision and then running with it and not looking back.

 

I think there is some danger in trying too hard to "prepare" one's self for the initial experience. Like you, DW and I tried hard to learn as much as we could about "things" before our first experience. As a result, we almost tried to direct interaction and events to meet our preconception of how events should unfold based upon our studies. While we liked our initial play partners a lot, the resulting play time was somewhat less entertaining than I think everyone was hoping for (us included). So unfulfilling was the experience that we almost decided not to play again.

 

Luckily, we decided to take the plunge again--only this time with a take it as it comes sort of attitude. We were contacted by a second couple and decided to meet with them on the spur of the moment. We had the absolutely best time. The moral of the story to us--swinging is something best done instinctually (with little or no planning or expectations).

 

Now, I don't mean that you should not communicate fully and completely between yourselves regarding comfort zones, rules, etc. Those sorts of things should be fully discussed and committed to well in advance of any attempts at playing.

 

As to "buyer's remorse," there is no question that a number of couples play for a while and then decide, for a variety or reasons, to stop playing or significantly curtail their activities. I think that very few couples have the type of buyer's remorse that seems to concern you--the type resulting in irreparable harm to the marriage. Marriages harmed in this fashion by swinging were damaged goods well before swinging entered the scene.

 

However, buyer's remorse comes in other forms. For example, we had buyer's remorse with our first experience, but it was very much a case of self inflicted buyer's remorse now that we look back at it with substantially more experience under our belt. In our experience, the greater source of buyer's remorse comes from ill-advised decisions by one partner or another to "take one for the team" in deciding to play with a particular couple. Once you make the decision to play, make sure you are each comfortable with the "who" as well as the activity.

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

I think there is some danger in trying too hard to "prepare" one's self for the initial experience. Like you, DW and I tried hard to learn as much as we could about "things" before our first experience. As a result, we almost tried to direct interaction and events to meet our preconception of how events should unfold based upon our studies.

 

I couldn't agree more. In fact we've already got a rule of sorts for our sex life now. NO pre-planning activities. Its' fun to tease each other and talk about what we're going to do when we finally get home from work, or alone or whatever, but we learned long ago that trying to predetermine what the evening was going to be about just made sex boring and sometimes stressful. So we just go with the flow and see what develops. I can see us taking this exact attitude with swinging should we ever take that first step.

[Guest BamaRide]

hmmm kinda like 'Outback' .... No rules... just right!

 

BamaRide

[Karmickiss 28]

Hi All,

Wow....another one that makes me think, and recall some things....just the title alone, made me think of my marriage. I got married very young, to someone who was my "best friend", and he well knew that I was into the idea of swinging then. He could not for the life of him, "see" why and wondered if there was something "wrong" with me, seriously thinking I may be a "nympho-maniac" undercover, somehow truly mentally ill. I decided for a good long while it would never work out(swinging), he was just too jealous, and it made him angry to even talk about.

So, you can imagine my surprize, when he brought a work buddy home with him one night, introducing me to him, and saying, "This is so and so, and he and his wife swing". I was totally caught off gaurd, he was a nice guy, open, and when he talked about his feelings and experience, my exH was all ears, as if hearing it for the first time, and he basically told the guy we would probably "do it", and to talk to his wife about meeting us.

Of course, I questioned him...a lot. Why now? How could all those deeply held feelings against the subject be suddenly swayed? If we did this kind of thing, would he talk about his feelings, and tell me if he changed his mind again, immediately! He insisted insisted, and insisted.

Like I said, that guy he brought home was a sweetheart, and so was his wife. This is ironically, right before I actually identified as bi-sexual, and was certainly new to swinging, but I really liked and believed in the idea it could enhance a marriage, not break it, if done well, if both were totally upfront and interested.

So, then the pressure began. He really wanted to swing with this couple, but when I asked him why, what he liked about the situation, what did he expect...etc...the answers were kind of vague. I ran into a problem, b/c as nice as the guy was, for whatever reason, I didn't feel comfortable..and I didn't like the idea then, that I felt already obligated, and that I couldn't be a part of choosing who it would be with. Maybe it made me more closed, but I stated that, if we began doing this, we should both be a part of an active process. He was upset about his couple, and I told him he could totally "still go for it"with the woman, and his friend, if he felt like that. I sincerely told him he could. But it was a no go then for him. However we went ahead, and did everything we could do(so I thought at the time, but had we had a place like this to come to, to ask questions and prepare, things may have turned out very differently)at the time, to ensure the best experience, with least possible problems....I made sure we talked it to death, actually, still suspicious about the sudden turn around in him.

We gave it a go, and over time, it got worse. My ex was obviously starting to fall apart somehow, and he couldn't seem to communicate it. Ultimately, the marriage ended, due to lack of commiunication altogether. He went straight into really blaming me for my 'sexual appetite'...and though he was totally into it it seemed at the time, he started twisting things in a way that it seemed like I took him along for a forced ride, during which, he started having negative feeling and anger towards me. The thing is, in this case, he was unable to come clean about his true feelings...this is evidenced unfortunately to this day, unfortunate for the kids, but another story.

It was a sad end, but I think the problem really was not swinging itself, but a lack of communication, even when talked to death. In the end, he was like a closeted person, who alternately loved then hated his own nature, which made it impossible for him to see others truthfully too. I will take full responsibility in some newbie mistakes, I'm sure, as well. I also have to take responsibility for not listening to that nagging voice inside of me, that it probably wasn't a good idea after all, and considering prior attitude, was doomed from the get go.

Very long story shorter, I think as long as the relationship is healthy, and we listen to that intuitive voice, that we can at least expect to be able to overcome together, what ever troubles might arise. I've enjoyed what everyone else has so far posted about this, I like the positive attitudes and honesty here. I say "we" as if I were with someone, but I'm single right now. However, now if I have even a little bit of a "gut feeling" that it could potentially harm, I wouldn't do it. I feel like the advice here is very good, about going slow, and keeping a close note of what feelings arise. Good luck and fun...karmic

[BiloxiCouple 695]

If I understood the OP's original question of "buyer's remorse" correctly, then this probably isn't the best place to ask that kind of question. My reasoning is that if anyone has actually had buyer's remorse about the lifestyle, then they are probably not visiting a swinger's website.

 

Yep, you'll get advice about communication and not trying to force another person into the lifestyle.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Karmic,

 

Another possibility is that your ex-husband put you two in this situation hoping that you would quickly reject the possibility of swinging. What he couldn't handle was that you really did want to do it and were ok with it under the right circumstances. But as you say, that is ancient history.

 

S

[Karmickiss 28]

Hi ncmd_couple,

Actually, I think that was probably one huge unsaid factor on his part. That's a really good insight, actually, and I'm glad you took the time to voice the immediate thoughts you had.

It's always hardest to see the apple on my own head sometimes! I'm sure this was a big possibility, and fits on many levels, looking back. I am glad it's ancient history though...big grins...I have so many things to be grateful for...living and then actually learning a bit, is invaluable and a bonus... Best, karmic

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

Karmic, thanks for sharing your story with us. I think your situation was different than ours, totally, but it is great to hear other stories and different perspectives. Thanks!

[LFM2 1,482]

I think communication is the real key here. I keep hearing that over and over, but I know it all too well. Its something we are totally into right now and something fairly new to us, the fact that we openly communicate like we do now. We don't hold back at all any more. The best part is that the more we do that, the more we see the positive affects and it keeps getting easier to do.

 

Communication is the key. I'm glad that you two are able to talk to each other, but you also need to listen to each other and be totally honest. I'm sure you've read it here and also knew that anyway.

 

I can't remember what thread it was in, but someone had a chance to come clean about what they really wanted to their wife because she was open to listening to his fantasies/wanting to swing. He lied to her about it because it made him seem like a freak or a pervert. (Actually, I don't remember what it was he was looking for, but it didn't seem freaky or perverted to me.) He totally lost his nerve after that and could never admit what he was really wanting.

 

I was seriously sad for him because he couldn't be honest. We all hope that's part of married communication since we talk to our spouses all the time, I know I had a problem at first talking with my husband. We were honest with each other, but it was tough.

 

Good Luck. It sounds like you have pretty much everything in place.

[deanncat 25]

I can say, this was me (wife) and even after are first time (this weekend, finally)I think I could be wondering this with second time even third, I kept thinking he would think i'm used now or look at me different, but when your in them moment and the pleasure is there thats all you think about and you as well i'm sure, so you can't regret that, you look at your wife with love and she you and when you swing its just about enjoy the pleasure, thats what I just realized this weekend, explore all option you might feel out loud with your wife but don't over think it, thats what I learned this weekend are first time took me 3years to mmf and it was awsome, when man left we did it again, made it even better, this was not really a planed situation, got a babysitter and didn't even say it out loud we were going to swing tonight untill we were home, it all came together and I would say it was pretty mellow first time, but it was lots of fun and we both look foreward to making time to do it again. This is just how if work for us I think we just got tiried of research and over thinking it and did it and if we hated it talk about it and would of said ok we got a t-shirt no more, lucky enough it was fun and will need more t-shirts, LOL, good luck

[wisxxxfun69 15]

If you are worried about the aftermath, that alone tells me your not ready...Be careful.

[socolais 696]

If you are worried about the aftermath, that alone tells me your not ready...Be careful.

 

I understand the logic there, but I think it's not entirely accurate. One of the issues with long term monogamous couples contemplating swinging is that it is almost impossible to predict how we'll feel about the swap after it's all over. There are way too many "what ifs" and situations that are not necessarily "beginner friendly" for anyone to have a prepared plan in response to the possible situations. Exciting pillow-talk has no correlation with reality. I think it's smart to be concerned about the aftermath - at least concerned enough to try to prepare for common potential situations.

 

I remember the first time I held my wife in my arms and watched another man penetrate her (I think that was like our third or fourth house party). A sudden feeling rushed through my mind - not necessarily uncomfortable, but at least unfamiliar. I could have called it quits right there. We could have dressed and left the party. But instead, I concentrated on the pleasure my wife was enjoying. I got pleasure from her pleasure. I'm glad that event happened the way it did because that was the point where I really understood that all this is just for fun and an exciting way we can share our love for each other.

 

I think the only reasonable advice is that the couple needs to progress at a comfortable pace, be able to "press through" any negative emotions that may arise and make a pact with each other that swinging is just an experiment and whatever the outcome, there will be no fault levied or hard feelings about each other. You go into this as a team and all benefits and faults belong to the team. Stop the play immediately if there is a concern, and the issue gets full attention from the team.

 

"No, always means no" and that includes whether the experiment gets another attempt or not.

[mixtupcpl 169]

Yeah... I totally agree with the above. I think it would be unusual to honestly have no doubts, questions or worries going in.

 

Talking about the fact that you have worries and being honest with each other and creating a safe zone where there will be no blame by either person if it turns out the comfort isnt there is what is key.

 

I would say this is why it is definitely important that both people be completely honest with *themselves* and make sure (do some introspection) that they arent just "going along". You have to know that if it turns out to be something you absolutely hate that you can take ownership of that as a decision you made for yourself and not project fault onto your partner. Once both people are at that point, then I think you are as ready as you can ever really be.

[Elena 42]

I think I understand what you mean and it goes with what my wife and I talked about before we began too. One thing I found that was great was after we met with a couple we would start the fantasy if we liked them, which was great sex for us. Then when we finally had sex with that couple, I watched them a little, and she watched me and the female a little, then when we got home we alked about it and had GREAT sex! But the important thing was if I seen my wife reacting to a guy a certain way, and she never reacted to ME that way, I fought down the jealousy and asked her about it. "hey how come you reacted that way last night when he was doing such and such?" and she would look at me and simply say because when he did that, he did it this way (and would describe it to me). We both realized that though I please my wife, I dont know every way to do something..... The simplest manuever done a different way gets a new result.... SO, this has led to MANY new ways for us to have a great time together!!

 

Moral, dont think just because SHE reacts differently to a guy means YOUR doing something wrong sir! Discuss it and try it out if she liked it, and the same goes for her! That IS why most of us swing isnt it, to have a good time together?

[Karmickiss 28]

HI All!

I just had to come back to this thread, and have to say I'm really impressed with so many of the posts on this! This is one of the biggest reasons I like to come here...there's so much to see/learn from others, and great to share experience(s) and feelings about them.

I love what mixtupcple said about owning the decision, that's kind of what went on with my example of my young marriage, but that was really like a bad/worst case scenario, but taught me so much, that in that case my past is my best asset at times!

I really am so impressed, I mean seriously, to read what Elena wrote. Just to hear a man talk about how he was feeling(maybe a little vulnerable, don't want to put in my own words, though) about his wife's experience. I'm just sitting here thinking, wow...if only everyone could be that honest when feeling a tough feeling coming up! If I were the wife in that situation, I'd be thrilled to death he asked me about it. And very honestly, everyone is a little different, and you learn more and more about those things as you go on...and the best way sometimes is to ask. Sometimes it is so simple as another angle, intensity shifting according to where you are at...etc..etc..and to ask and then incooperate that and not take it in a hurtful way, is a glorious thing:)

I think it's prescisely little things like that that could be potential issues building up over time...and it's refreshing to hear about that particular situation, b/c that's what it's all about, for me...communication and being able to not jump to conclusions about anything.

So good to read from everyone, Best Wishes, karmic

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

Thanks again everyone for sharing your thoughts on this. Its been a great help to us. We're finally moving past this point and feel that this is no longer a real issue for us. I mean, its something to take seriously and you never know how you're going to feel until you're there, but we both believe that the most important thing for us to do is to talk about EVERYTHING we feel and talk through it all. We keep doing that, even though we've yet to take any true steps towards swinging. It has made for some great fantasies and great sex though.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I think your gettin it

 

Buyer's Remorse, is best handled with Buyer's awareness.....

[couplers 4,727]

Of course I would never have known, but the biggest remorse would have been if we never tried it.

[Elena 42]

I think I understand what you mean and it goes with what my wife and I talked about before we began too. One thing I found that was great was after we met with a couple we would start the fantasy if we liked them, which was great sex for us. Then when we finally had sex with that couple, I watched them a little, and she watched me and the female a little, then when we got home we alked about it and had GREAT sex! But the important thing was if I seen my wife reacting to a guy a certain way, and she never reacted to ME that way, I fought down the jealousy and asked her about it. "hey how come you reacted that way last night when he was doing such and such?" and she would look at me and simply say because when he did that, he did it this way (and would describe it to me). We both realized that though I please my wife, I dont know every way to do something..... The simplest manuever done a different way gets a new result.... SO, this has led to MANY new ways for us to have a great time together!!

 

Moral, dont think just because SHE reacts differently to a guy means YOUR doing something wrong sir! Discuss it and try it out if she liked it, and the same goes for her! That IS why most of us swing isnt it, to have a good time together?

 

Elena here. This is why I LOVE this man! Here is an example. I like to be on top. When we are with the couple we usually play with, I usually do this and go to town. But I very rarely do this with Hammer. The reason being is that Hammer is VERY well endowed. It isn't very comfortable for me. The male of the couple we play with is considerably smaller and there is no discomfort. If we switch to missionary I would MUCH rather have Hammer because he litterally fills me up and I love that feeling. With the other guy, in this position, it doesn't do a thing for me, because quite honestly, I don't feel much when he enters me that way. He just isn't very big in the length or width category. We still love playing with them and I'm not going to discount him because of his size. Swinging is about the all around sex, not just one aspect of it.

 

Anyway, this just goes back to communication. It is a MUST have!