Taking the first step

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

I wasn't sure where to post this, so if this is the inappropriate place, please move it.

 

Well, we've decided we're ready to take the first step. We're going this Saturday to an off-premise club. We're both excited and nervous at the same time. We've talked about what to expect from each other and we've talked about boundaries. We've also discussed the fact that nothing may happen there, but we're prepared as well for the possibility that we'll have to say "NO" if someone asks us to push us outside our agreed upon comfort levels.

 

We've still got some talking to do. Mrs. Curious is on nights right now and won't be home at the same time as me until tomorrow, but we plan to spend the entire evening talking this out if necessary. Some of the things that need to be discussed are more clarification on boundaries, what we are willing to let the other do and what is definitely off limits for now. Safe words, code words/signals, etc. We know we need these, but haven't figured that out yet. To some degree we need to talk about what the other is going to be attracted to. I mean, I know she's going to like tall burly men, or I hope...LOL...she's married to one, and she has a good idea of my taste, but some clarification will be useful.

 

I don't know, maybe we're overthinking it. It is JUST an off-premise club, but IMO, we have to prepare for every scenario or we could find ourselves in a bad situation. Am I right? Any tips, words of advice, encouragement? LOL

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Overthink? Well, that's what happened the first few times we first went into a club. You'll be just fine. Even if "nothing happens", you'll learn a lot. Just watching people is fun.

 

~Michael

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I wasn't sure where to post this, so if this is the inappropriate place, please move it.

Don't worry about this, your in the right place. For now.....

 

Not sure about the exact line for the curious about swinging forum, maybe it's a good time to reread the regulations myself ?

 

Personally, I think some form of genital touching/fondeling, should happen at least, to cross the line. But we'll give ya some "wiggle room".

 

Hopefully next, you'll have a good experience to post after SAT.

 

Well, we've decided we're ready to take the first step. We're going this Saturday to an off-premise club. We're both excited and nervous at the same time. We've talked about what to expect from each other and we've talked about boundaries. We've also discussed the fact that nothing may happen there, but we're prepared as well for the possibility that we'll have to say "NO" if someone asks us to push us outside our agreed upon comfort levels.

You guys sound like you doin great !

 

We've still got some talking to do. Mrs. Curious is on nights right now and won't be home at the same time as me until tomorrow, but we plan to spend the entire evening talking this out if necessary. Some of the things that need to be discussed are more clarification on boundaries, what we are willing to let the other do and what is definitely off limits for now. Safe words, code words/signals, etc. We know we need these, but haven't figured that out yet.

Some of these I prefer to as, whats on my tool belt, when we get out.

 

Except...... Well, I drop my tools, alot.... and Mrsfun borrows my stuff and never brings stuff back.

 

We know we need the tools, we're just a little sloppy at times. We manage, sounds like you will also.

 

 

To some degree we need to talk about what the other is going to be attracted to. I mean, I know she's going to like tall burly men, or I hope...LOL...she's married to one, and she has a good idea of my taste, but some clarification will be useful.

I think you might want to think about this.

 

We have never guessed each others flavor or taste, as far as when meeting real people. We watch real close personally, as individuals, about just who in a room is giving that vibe. Its hard to be watching for yourself, and you not only should, but have to eventually.

 

If nothing happens I know we like to talk as soon as possible when we leave about who we got the vibe/chemistry from. Helps with the memory recall a little bit.

 

I don't know, maybe we're overthinking it. It is JUST an off-premise club, but IMO, we have to prepare for every scenario or we could find ourselves in a bad situation. Am I right? Any tips, words of advice, encouragement? LOL

 

What can I say, our first meet and greet at a Holiday inn banquet room,

 

We didn't know Mrsfun and about a dozen other women would be making ice scream sundays on guys dicks and eating/blow jobbing them, from the willing and eager men.

 

Thats probably the most extreme Meet&Greet for us, as most are in a civilians bar where nothing happens.

 

Relax and enjoy yourselves

 

I did always hear you could eat a live frog before going...

 

That way, what could happen worse than that, the rest of the night ?

[Guest BamaRide]

One of the biggest things you will experience is the eye opening effect... and then ooooooh the communications that follows. This is a fun and exciting time... take it easy..enjoy! Grats!

 

BamaRide

[SheLovesTheSun 40]

Sit back and enjoy the ride! It doesn't hurt to take it easy and observe what's going on around you.

[LagniappeDC 313]

Sounds like you guys are in a good place. I'll never forget going out to dinner before we went to our first off-premise club. We were both so nervous we could barely eat. We had talked and talked, and like you, over thought it, contemplating every possible scenario. Turns out we had a really fun, no pressure evening and met some great couples. We simply went in to "have a look around" and so really didn't invite much more than friendly conversation.

 

A lot of clubs invite new couples to arrive early, or right when the clubs open, so that you can meet the host couples and others who are new. A bunch of us "newbies" kind hung out and danced together and we thought that was great icebreaker, otherwise we probably would have just been wall flowers and not enjoyed the evening as much. You should see if your club does that.

 

Other than that, the "no means no" rule really does apply. 99% of the couples you meet will be nice and respectful. Establish your boundaries and stick to them. If you find the right couple, they will stick around until you are ready to play more. It's a marathan, not a sprint

 

Enjoy and let us know how it goes...

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

I think you might want to think about this.

 

We have never guessed each others flavor or taste, as far as when meeting real people. We watch real close personally, as individuals, about just who in a room is giving that vibe. Its hard to be watching for yourself, and you not only should, but have to eventually.

 

Mr. Fun, you lost me on this one. So are you saying not to try and guess each other's flavor/taste? I think that's what you're saying. I guess the issue I'm having right now is that I have no clue what she likes, other than someone like me, but I also know that can't be the extent of her tastes. I think I'm overthinking this one too, just worried that I may take a liking to someone only to figure out she has no attraction to the male. That's normal though I suppose, from reading posts here. I guess this really applies more to online personals, and looking at profiles than the club setting. *shrug* Again, pretty sure I'm over thinking this. LOL

 

Thanks for the long and well thought out reply. WE really appreciate it and all the help and advice we've received here.

 

Bama, Sun and Lagniappe, thanks for the words as well. I must say if everyone in swinging is as nice as the folks we've found on here, it's going to be a great ride. I can honestly say that even thought we're moving a pace that is comfortable for us, I don't think we'd be this far along if not for the wonderful people here. Of course, its because you all have helped us feel comfortable out this and given great advice, so its not like ya'll have pushed us, quite the opposite!

 

Thanks! Oh and we will be SURE to post a follow up after Saturday night.

[The Fuse 1,012]

I guess the issue I'm having right now is that I have no clue what she likes, other than someone like me, but I also know that can't be the extent of her tastes. I think I'm overthinking this one too, just worried that I may take a liking to someone only to figure out she has no attraction to the male. That's normal though I suppose, from reading posts here.

 

I suggest you work out a discreet way to communicate a "Yes, I like him or her", or a "No, I don't find this person attractive" to each other. You could use some sort of hand signal or other "tell". Some people use code words. Mr. Fuse and I have simple non-verbal ways of letting each other know without a break in conversation. That way we each know whether flirting could actually lead somewhere from our point of view. If it's a "no", we back off.

 

I'll agree with Mr. Fun; you shouldn't try to guess whom your SO will find attractive. Sometimes you will be surprised.

[Chicup 41]

Remember you WILL make mistakes, you will say something stupid, you will maybe DO something stupid.

 

Like everything, being a swinger gets better with practice.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Mr. Fun, you lost me on this one. So are you saying not to try and guess each other's flavor/taste? I think that's what you're saying.

No I'm not saying its wrong, its fun in a way. We just found we were amazingly wrong, ourselves.

 

I guess the issue I'm having right now is that I have no clue what she likes, other than someone like me, but I also know that can't be the extent of her tastes.

I can only relate what we experienced, not everything we do or feel, would do for others.

 

I guess in a way Mrs fun would say in the beginning, "I want someone along the same lines as you"

 

Seems easy enough, I thought.

 

So far, no one I am OK with Mrsfun fucking, is allot like me... In fact, he and I rarely share common traits or interests. But yet, we do share a connection I'm comfortable with. I need to see his feelings toward his wife are equal to how I feel for my wife. I have to have that vibe, its important to me. Especially, when I'm trying to make a connection, with the female half of a couple.

 

I don't know if I can explain how I feel but I'll try....

 

Imagine a vertical line between us and them. Were on one side, their on the other. Now for me, it takes that comfort to draw a horizontal line that allows me to connect with the female half. That puts Mrsfun and him on one side and me and his wife on the other. Take away that horizontal line which is on top of the vertical line or if its not complete because each of us being together making our half a complete line, then its back to us and them again. See the 4 way split and how it works for me.

 

That looked easier when I drew it on paper for Mrsfun than I'm probably explaining here, but Mrsfun understood me.

 

Now for Mrsfun, as we talked about fantasy and dreams. She told me those people, men and women, were faceless..... I thought, well that sucks. The ones I fuck in fantasy and dreams have faces..... I just don't know them, usually.... but I could pick them out of a crowd.

 

Now Mrsfun drew that same picture I tried to explain earlier and said "what do they look like" pointing at the, them part......

 

She had me, understanding a little more. I hope that made sense...

 

I think I'm overthinking this one too, just worried that I may take a liking to someone only to figure out she has no attraction to the male. That's normal though I suppose, from reading posts here.

Yep, its quite normal. There are hundreds of couples on the cutting room floor for us sexually. Those are our friends, as well.

 

Just enjoy yourselves, and have a safe evening soaking up the atmosphere.

 

 

 

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I have to agree with fun4Ds on his experiences in identifying who "she would go for". It was a fun game to play the first couple times we went to a club, but got old quick when I realized I didn't have a clue in what she liked or was attracted to. Same goes for Mrs two4you. There's just too many variables.

 

I'll also agree that the one thing all the guys she is into have in common, is that they are the type of guys that I could hang out with, and feel comfortable around.

 

Bottom Line: Go and have fun. Keep the expectations to a minimum. Don't make a bunch of boundaries just so you can say you have them. Make the boundaries in conjunction with something you are truly uncomfortable with. It keeps things simple and easier to comply with.

 

It's OK to let folks know you're new to swinging. Most will take a genuine interest in making you feel comfortable and respecting your limits.

 

Meet as many people as you can, and don't be a wallflower.

 

Have a great night, and let us know how it goes!

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

Well, we're home and I'm more confused than I was when I left. I'm going to break this down into 2 segments, the bad, and the good.

 

The bad: We had a couple ask to sit with us almost right away. They were younger than us, by about 10 years, but attractive. We seemed to hit it off right away and I was definitely seeing a vibe between Mrs. Curious and the guy. Unfortunately there was very little between me and the lady. Well, there was for her, but not a lot for me. However, this was all about testing the waters so I decided to go along, to see. They did a group dance where all the men got on the dance floor in a circle and the ladies got in a circle around us and it was sort of like musical chairs except when the music switched to slow dance you grabbed a lady and danced. The last dance, Mrs. Curious lucked up and got to slow dance with the male of our couple. As the song ends I turn around to see where she is and they are kissing. A pain hit me. Ahh, the one I had HOPED would not be there. Hmmm......Ok, this is cool, it wasn't terrible, just a twinge, maybe it will get better, as I've heard it will. Plus I've got no one to play with. Mrs. Curious and the male are definitely hitting it off, not a lot of contact, but little brushes of contact, looks, etc. All this, twinges of pain for me. AT some point she and I talked but I told her I wanted her to continue. Nothing was freaking me out, so I wanted to see if it got better, plus I wanted to see if maybe some contact with me and the lady would help. She and I had had no contact at this point. Fast forward a couple of hours. Slow dance on the dance floor, just the four of us but with our own partners. Song changes and we swap partners. Mrs. Curious and male are making out, so I decide to give it a shot. It was like kissing my sister, so I decide this isn't working and we sit down, chat for a while with them and then I let Mrs. Curious know I'm ready to leave.

 

So the bad is I'm just terribly confused. THere was 3 things wrong with tonight:

 

1. There was no chemistry with me and the lady.

2. I was experience the pains of jealousy that I had hoped would not be there.

3. I did not think the male was hot and worthy of Mrs. Curious. He was not someone that it would turn me on to see her with. He turned me off and I didn't click with him at all.

 

So, my initial reaction is that I can't do this. It's not going to work, but am I feeling this because of 1 & 3? 1 & 3 can be resolved with a different couple. Or is it number 2? Would #2 go away if 1 & 3 were not there? I don't know, but for now, we have a lot of talking to do and I don't think for now we're going to go further with this until I do some more soul searching.

 

OK, the good. We had a blast!!! The club was great. The people were awesome! Even the couple that we bombed with was very nice and understanding. I was really worried that when we bailed on them, with them not having other options for the night, that they may be offended. They were completely understanding. The openness of the sexuality was wonderful and being there as a couple is something I can see us doing again. I don't know if that's "OK" or not, but I could see us going just to enjoy the atmosphere. There were things that turned me on about the place. Like there were these gloves, vampire gloves, that had little "nails" in the palm/fingers and Mrs. Curious was intrigued by them. There was a lady giving a guy a back "rub" with them and she wanted to get one, so I said, sure go for it. So she took her shirt off in front of a room full of people, undid her bra and let the lady rub her back with the gloves. THAT made me hot. I got my back done, I found that hot. So in a nutshell, while I'm not at all sure about the swapping aspect, the club itself was freaking great!

 

So I don't know what we're going to do next. We talked all the way home. We were both very open and honest. We've got tons more to talk about. Mrs. Curious is out of the shower now, so I'm going to jump in myself and then we're going to talk and enjoy the rest of the night together.

 

Thanks everyone for the advice and it was all great and it helped a lot. Thanks for letting me air my confusion tonight.

[Guest BamaRide]

Okay... I"m not going to throw a lot at you because you are sorting this out and it sounds like you're trying to be objective about and that is all good.. BUT!!!!!

 

You are putting yourself under a lot more presure than should be. I'm assuming that you and Ms have worked out a means of signaling in a social setting...If not you may want to consider it as it would give you two the ability to communicate openly basic information without anyone else knowing. In time you will both read each other better and know exactly what is going on regardless but with all the other stimulus you're experiencing right now... signals are a nice thing to have as backup communications.

 

Slow down! There should NEVER be an expectation that you are going to bring home fish every time you cast your net. There is no requirement that each time you hit the clubs that you walk out with a encounter for the evening. You both and really get a lot of enjoyment just trolling and seeing who nibbles...

 

Yeah the Ms got a nibble but you're in this together so if it wasn't working on the other half my personal positon would be that that is a 'no go' regardless because I don't agree with the 'taking one for the team' concept in swinging.

 

I'd say for your first time out... was a good experience.. you both learned a lot... talk talk talk.. compair notes... and go do it again when you're ready... work into it... don't put yourself under such pressure... just enjoy!

 

BamaRide

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

Bama, your comments are well taken and in no way is my response an attempt to say you're wrong, because in some ways, and on some points you're exactly right. I read a lot of your posts and your opinion is one that I always thinks comes across as fair based on the facts, so in this case I think I need to clarify some facts.

 

We had hand signals worked out before. They were simple gestures than neither one of us would do normally but would appear to be "normal". We simply just didn't need them. We had ample time to talk alone. A good portion of the time we were shooting pool with this couple, so she and I were frequently holding, hugging, kissing, etc. So there was plenty of time to talk about feelings. HOWEVER, in retrospect, I should have gave the no-go signal on this one sooner. After this post she and I talked for about an hour more and during that conversation I realized that I should have gave the signal sooner. Not because I wasn't feeling it but because I couldn't deal with the feelings. She saw me backing off and acting confused, and was looking for the hand signal...........she's smarter than I am. LOL

 

So why didn't I throw the signal sooner? Quite simply, I got blind-sided by a situation that I was totally NOT expecting and not prepared for. Which takes me to another point I need o clarify. We actually went out tonight to have a good time and see what happened. We really did not expect to land a fish at all......and honestly in hindsight probably weren't ready for the lunker we damn near landed. I'm glad we went and I'm glad we took this step, but I honestly ran into something I wasn't prepared to deal with and I totally screwed it up. Instead of throwing the flag, I decided to fumble through it because Mrs. Curious was having fun and I felt the need to let her do that. I wasn't going to take one for the team. I just spent most of the night VERY confused about the feelings I was having. I wasn't prepared for mixed signals from my brain. I wasn't prepared to feel turned on and jealous at the same time. Yes, I know now that's what it was. I was turned on by watching her make out with someone else, but I also felt the pains of jealousy. THAT I did not expect and instead of saying "STOP" lets sort this out, I let it continue which of course, added to the confusion.

 

In hindsight, I honestly believe that to some degree my lack of interest in the lady was greatly due to the fact that I couldn't feel anything for her because I was too busy trying to deal with the other emotions. Again, I should have thrown the flag. Ultimately, I did. We had no intentions of leaving as early as we did, but I finally admitted to myself that I was only digging the hole bigger.

 

After my last post, as I said, she and I talked a lot and some of my feelings have changed as a result. I see now, after talking through it, that I made some mistakes and we've learned from them. I'm pretty sure we'll eventually give this another go. I just need more time to sort out my feelings.

 

Again, Bama, thanks for the heartfelt response. I love your posts and your feedback is always one I'm anxious to read, not just on mine, but on others. I just realized reading what you wrote that I was not clear on some points. You are right though, it was a good experience, a fun experience and we learned a lot.

 

Ok, one more final note before I lay my head down for the night. Mr. Fun and Mrs Fuse (anyone else who said this as well).........YA'LL WERE RIGHT! Our after shower discussion of the evening revealed a tragic mistake on my part. When we were shooting pool with our couple, another couple came over and called next game. We ended up shooting several games between the 6 of us. Well, the woman of the newer couple was someone that I was very attracted to and well honestly was probably the one in the room that I was MOST attracted to. However, they were an older couple and he looked older than she did, so I totally ignored her and blew her off because I felt that Mrs. Curious would not be attracted to him at all. Ya'll can guess what is coming next. Yep, I told her that as we talked and she said "Actually, I didn't think he was half bad and would have been wiling to explore that a little more if you'd just indicated you wanted to." See, I took your advice as good advice, but I didn't freaking apply it! LOL

[TheLorax 173]

Bama (and other folks) gave you some GREAT feedback, so I don't want to reiterate that, but I had a couple points I wanted to discuss.

 

Some of the pang of jealousy or pain can be caused bythe initial threatening-ness of the new situation. It can take a while to become accustomed to seeing the person you've always had to yourself paying attention to someone else in a way that was always reserved for you. That's normal and it can get easier to deal with over time. But it can also be there because you are not comfortable with that particular person for whatever reasons. I've had my partner become involved with someone who just set me on edge, while at the same time I had no issue with her being involved with a couple of other men who I not only approved of, but was happy she was enjoying being with them.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Good morning Mr. Curious,

 

I hope that you and the Mrs. got a good night’s sleep.

 

There are a couple of things that I want you to think about while the two of you are sorting all of this out.

 

The two of you went to an “Off-Premise” swinger’s party at a vanilla club. Honestly, I have never been to one, only “On-Premise” clubs. In virtually ever off-premise party that I have ever heard of (except some in the news that didn’t stay within the law) there is nothing that is going to “happen” at the club. Your overall expectations of the possibilities greatly exceeded the possible outcome at the club itself. For that reason you were looking for something that would happen, that quite frankly wouldn’t.

 

Sexy dancing – yes. Kissing, petting, and fondling – yes. Sex – no. So in reality, what you could possibly see was heavy flirting. And that is what the two of you came there for, or so I would imagine.

 

Also, I would expect that at an off-premise club there would be a lot higher percentage of couple there who are first timers just like you. They haven’t figured it out either.

 

This is going to sound like a major criticism of you, but I don’t want you to think of it that way, but I can’t think of any other way to say it before I finish my first cup of coffee this morning.

 

The reason that there was nothing between you and the other lady is that your entire focus was on your wife, not on the lady that you were meeting. Yes, you probably put enough energy into her to keep up with the conversation, but from everything you have said, you head was focused on your wife.

 

When we meet a couple for the first time, you have to divide your attention. How your intention is divided will change as the meet goes on. But once your wife is on the dance floor with him, 90% of your attention should have been on the new lady and only 10% on your wife to make sure she is safe and having fun.

 

I wouldn’t be surprised if the other lady this morning isn’t telling her husband the same thing that you told us about her. You didn’t put enough effort into it, or, you and she had the same problem. You were both paying so much attention to your spouses that you were not paying attention to each other.

 

Even if you had, you might not have hit it off.

 

I hope that you take all of the above as food for thought, because, sitting here a thousand miles away I can only guess and give ya’ possibilities.

 

S

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Thanks for posting

 

Its comforting to hear of a safe first time out and return.

 

Ping, ding,ding, ding

 

I heard a few wrenches hit the floor. But thats ok, it's better to pick them up again than not have them at all....

 

I'll hope for the best and will wait till Mrsfun gets in on this before I offer advice, its just good to hear from you !

 

I do have one question I haven't heard discussed.

 

Was there availability to pursue more after the M&G ?

 

Most of the M&G's we have been to in the civilian world have been followed by a house party where those who wish to get more involved, can.

 

It's usually provided by the more experienced couples, who are checking the sanity of potential guests. Especially before giving out a house party address.

 

Was that in the Mix ?

[Guest BamaRide]

Yall are gonna be just fine!

 

BamaRide:D

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

I've had my partner become involved with someone who just set me on edge, while at the same time I had no issue with her being involved with a couple of other men who I not only approved of, but was happy she was enjoying being with them.

 

The more I ponder it, the more I think this may have been the issue last night.

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

The two of you went to an “Off-Premise” swinger’s party at a vanilla club. Honestly, I have never been to one, only “On-Premise” clubs. In virtually ever off-premise party that I have ever heard of (except some in the news that didn’t stay within the law) there is nothing that is going to “happen” at the club. Your overall expectations of the possibilities greatly exceeded the possible outcome at the club itself. For that reason you were looking for something that would happen, that quite frankly wouldn’t.

 

Sexy dancing – yes. Kissing, petting, and fondling – yes. Sex – no. So in reality, what you could possibly see was heavy flirting. And that is what the two of you came there for, or so I would imagine.

 

Actually this club was more like an on-premise club. They actually had play rooms and even in the open room there was quite a lot going on. No, not actual sex, but a lot more than kissing/petting/fondling. As previously stated, we did not go last night expecting anything at all, just a good time. We thought at most it would be like a vanilla club with a more sexual atmosphere.

 

Also, I would expect that at an off-premise club there would be a lot higher percentage of couple there who are first timers just like you. They haven’t figured it out either.

 

That may be the case at others, but not here. Everyone we met was well into the lifestyle, including the couple that we hooked up with.

 

The reason that there was nothing between you and the other lady is that your entire focus was on your wife, not on the lady that you were meeting. Yes, you probably put enough energy into her to keep up with the conversation, but from everything you have said, you head was focused on your wife.

 

When we meet a couple for the first time, you have to divide your attention. How your intention is divided will change as the meet goes on. But once your wife is on the dance floor with him, 90% of your attention should have been on the new lady and only 10% on your wife to make sure she is safe and having fun.

 

I agree and have basically stated this in a follow post. My issue right now is how do I get past that point. How do I go from what I did last night to what I should be doing?

 

I wouldn’t be surprised if the other lady this morning isn’t telling her husband the same thing that you told us about her. You didn’t put enough effort into it, or, you and she had the same problem. You were both paying so much attention to your spouses that you were not paying attention to each other.

 

I doubt it. They were experienced swingers. They were young, but married young and had been swinging almost all of their marriage.

 

I hope that you take all of the above as food for thought, because, sitting here a thousand miles away I can only guess and give ya’ possibilities.

 

S

 

I did S and thank you very much. I think for the most part you've nailed it, with the exception of the comments on the club and what we expected. Thanks for taking the time. I'm really enjoying the feedback and it is helping me a lot.

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

Thanks for posting

 

Its comforting to hear of a safe first time out and return.

 

Ping, ding,ding, ding

 

I heard a few wrenches hit the floor. But thats ok, it's better to pick them up again than not have them at all....

 

I'll hope for the best and will wait till Mrsfun gets in on this before I offer advice, its just good to hear from you !

 

I do have one question I haven't heard discussed.

 

Was there availability to pursue more after the M&G ?

 

Most of the M&G's we have been to in the civilian world have been followed by a house party where those who wish to get more involved, can.

 

It's usually provided by the more experienced couples, who are checking the sanity of potential guests. Especially before giving out a house party address.

 

Was that in the Mix ?

 

LOL!!!! I love that one Mr. Fun. Thanks for the laugh.......YES tools were hitting the floor and I looked like the fumbling tool man trying to catch them, while my wife looked at me perplexed.

 

To answer your question, yes and no. This party was at a hotel, so a lot of the guests had rooms. We were told that the couple we were with had a room, if we were interested. Also, as stated previously, there was actually opportunity to experience more ON SITE. I'm beginning to think from the "confused responses" on our expections, etc. that this club must not be the typical off-premise club??? It was full of experienced swingers and there was a LOT going on in the open and even more going on in the playrooms.

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

Oh, BTW, for those interested, and I'm not sure any are, but just in case. Once we were done talking, we had a LOOOONG night of INCREDIBLE sex! A lot of the fuel for the sex was what happened last night. We have a great sex life regardless, but we were definitely getting fueled by what we experienced at the party.

[N8ture Girl 318]

 

Ok, one more final note before I lay my head down for the night. Mr. Fun and Mrs Fuse (anyone else who said this as well).........YA'LL WERE RIGHT! Our after shower discussion of the evening revealed a tragic mistake on my part. When we were shooting pool with our couple, another couple came over and called next game. We ended up shooting several games between the 6 of us. Well, the woman of the newer couple was someone that I was very attracted to and well honestly was probably the one in the room that I was MOST attracted to. However, they were an older couple and he looked older than she did, so I totally ignored her and blew her off because I felt that Mrs. Curious would not be attracted to him at all. Ya'll can guess what is coming next. Yep, I told her that as we talked and she said "Actually, I didn't think he was half bad and would have been wiling to explore that a little more if you'd just indicated you wanted to." See, I took your advice as good advice, but I didn't freaking apply it! LOL

 

 

I can see you two learned many lessons last night, this one is important too. Never assume anything. In time you both will have a fair idea of what type the other is attracted to, but its never set in stone. A particular person might not be all that physically attractive, but one in a conversation their personality more than makes up for it. So you cant judge on looks alone. I think its easier for women to know what types of women their men look for and are attracted to than for men to know what their wives are attracted to. At least for us anyway. I know by just looking at the woman wether hubby will be interested, but hubby on the other hand has a hard time trying to guess who I might be attracted to. For me its based on appearance for the initial attraction, but then personality will be the determening factor.

 

Really what I wanted to get at here was with the first couple. Granted you should have tossed in the flag earlier, and I know you realize that now. But just because they asked you to sit with them first off, doesnt mean your obligated to be exclusive with them the rest of the night. There is nothing wrong with paying attention to more than one couple in a night. In a M&G setting thats what you do, meet and greet. Thats a great way to meet multiple people in one night. Networking is the way I try and look at it.

 

The good thing is you had a good time, learned from your mistakes. Dont be discouraged, keep talking about it, and try not to over think things.

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

A particular person might not be all that physically attractive, but one in a conversation their personality more than makes up for it. So you cant judge on looks alone.

 

I know you mean this comment mostly in regards to the older man who I thought she would not be attracted to but I'm going to say you're dead on with this one because of the guy she did end up making out with. I was perplexed as to why she found him attractive. I won't go into why, its not important, but I didn't see it at all. Later, when we talked, she told me that she didn't think he was "HOT" necessarily, but decent looking and that it was more his mind that she found attractive. He had a PhD and was very intelligent, and that was part of the attraction for her.

 

I think its easier for women to know what types of women their men look for and are attracted to than for men to know what their wives are attracted to. At least for us anyway. I know by just looking at the woman wether hubby will be interested, but hubby on the other hand has a hard time trying to guess who I might be attracted to.

 

You know, this one made me chuckle because while you're right, Mrs. Curious pretty much knows my type and can guess it easily, her one confusion of the night was why I wasn't thrilled to be with a HOT 28 y/o ex-stripper. LOL Later when we talked she said she was OK with me not being into her but she was really surprised and that in a way she was disappointed because the other woman was obviously bi and Mrs. Curious is also bi-curios and she was very turned on by her herself. So while, I totally agree with this statement, I just had to let you in on the little inside joke of the day for us.

[Guest BamaRide]

I'm beginning to think from the "confused responses" on our expections, etc. that this club must not be the typical off-premise club??? QUOTE]

 

Actually... it probably was more typical than you might guess... The most tame 'off premise' parties I've seen were in Michigan where the laws are quite restrictive and fairly well inforced. Clubs have been busted over the years frequently for violations. Even in those situations things often go very close to intercourse and in somecases you'd catch someone in a corner with a lady bouncing up and down on someones lap... these normally resulted in ejection to from the club (owners didn't care to get busted).

 

Now here in Alabama... well forget all that.. off premise here only means they don't supply a condusive area for sex play because you're very likely to see most anything!

 

Question for you now that you've had a chance to settle a little from the experience.... Was this not a mind blowing experience for you being the first time out?

 

BamaRide

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

Question for you now that you've had a chance to settle a little from the experience.... Was this not a mind blowing experience for you being the first time out?

 

BamaRide

 

The short answer is YES! Definitely! We've gone from "OK, this ain't working, I'm ready to go." to almost "Damn, when are going back!" in the span of less than 12 hours. Communication has been the KEY. She is really understanding no topics are taboo with her and she is not bothered by the fact that some of what I'm saying this morning contradicts some of what I said I was feeling last night.

 

Example: We just talked again (because of n8ture's post) about some of the things that she found attractive about him, that I probably wasn't seeing. In doing so, I discovered that actually, towards the end of the night I was truthfully beginning to connect with the lady and I just didn't realize it because I was too far gone to realize it.

 

There's a lot more to the rest of that conversation that is even more confusing/contradictory but I'm not sure who much you all want to hear about our sexual activity....LOL Let's just say, something that last night was causing me pain, ended up being the catalyst for an explosion a little while ago.

[Elena 42]

Oh yes. The mid blowing sex afterwards. That is always the best!

 

I don't have much to add since you are already getting great advice from everyone else. You guys are really communicating and by doing so, you have went from "Nope, not again" to "When is the next party?" Great job! Keep on talking!

[The Fuse 1,012]

Happy to hear of all the communication (and hot sex!) that happened afterward. You have gotten some great advice here and I have nothing to add, just wanted to pile of with best wishes! The more you do and experience, the more you will both know what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable. You really do get to know yourself and your SO better, which is gratifying in itself!

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

Happy to hear of all the communication (and hot sex!) that happened afterward. You have gotten some great advice here and I have nothing to add, just wanted to pile of with best wishes! The more you do and experience, the more you will both know what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable. You really do get to know yourself and your SO better, which is gratifying in itself!

 

Thanks Fuse! Your post rings true as we were just talking last night that one of the biggest positives of this all is that we've expanded our topics of conversation now, which promotes MORE communication, which promotes MORE growth. We be one happy couple.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I (admittedly) haven't read every post in this thread, but I did read the original and your response to the experience of going to the party, so I wanted to respond to two things I saw in those posts.

 

1. Part of the fun of going is learning what your partner is attracted to. Describing exactly what you are attracted to is much more difficult than showing. Make that part of the fun of going out - even to a vanilla place. Look around and pick a guy then ask her what she thinks, let her rate him and then have her do the same with women. It will take time to learn what you are each into. And looks aren't everything. You can find some fine looking folks that you end up having no chemistry with...

 

which leads to -

2. Your experience at the club. I think that probably a lot of your pangs of jealousy were because you weren't clicking with the female half. I'm not saying you wouldn't have had any if you had been, but you wouldn't have been so focused on your wife and what she was doing because you would have been having fun too. If there's no chemistry it's easy to tell (and rarely does it get better as the night goes), it's best to cut the ties early on and continue searching for a couple where you can both enjoy. And, that's not going to happen every time you go out, or even every other time. It will take time and patience. Few are the lucky ones who have that happen on their first time out.

 

Good luck and don't give up, it will get better. Just keep talking with each other and don't hesitate to "think out loud" on here. You'll get feedback, you might not like the feedback but at least it will give you more to think about.

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

Julie thanks for the reply. You're right on both points, and if you will indulge me, I will share some of the recent experiences. We're pretty much done with the topic of that night now, but we did continue to discuss it, even after our last post here. It was an evolution and I think I needed to take it all the way in order to understand things.

 

As for the game you reference with what we're both attracted to, we've doing that a lot lately, but more with a website. We found out that several of the people that we met at the club are members of a website that was advertised at the club and we like it better than the other one we are on. We both will see a profile and then go get the other and say "OK, what do you think of him/her?" so its been kind of fun and we've learned a lot about the other's taste.

 

Yes, I totally agree, and realize now that the reason I had some of my issues was that I was feeling like a "3rd wheel" that night. I mean, it was one of our conditions of taking this step into the lifestyle, that we BOTH were going to have fun. It wasn't much fun to see her having fun and me not. However, another reasons I had the pains of jealousy was something that was harder for me to see. It is important for me to click with the other guy. I didn't realize it that night, didn't realize it the next day even.....but it finally hit me later as we continued to talk it out that I just didn't like this guy. Someone, I think Mr. Fun in another post, talked about the importance of clicking with the other guy. If I remember correctly the thing was that he didn't have to be someone like you, or that you had a lot in common with but it had to be someone that you liked well enough to give your most cherished possession, your wife. For me, that was a large part of my displeasure with the situation as well. I just didn't think this guy was "worthy" in my opinion of what I was gifting him. Maybe the guy was incredible and a super nice guy, and he certainly seemed to make Mrs. Curious happy, but he was "offensive" to me. I hate to use that term because that sounds too harsh, but that's the only way I've thought to put it.

 

Bottom line in all of this is we learned. We both learned. I learned more than she, but we both learned. I learned 2 major things. Trust my gut/instinct and don't hesitate to give the no-go signal when I know it's not going to work. I knew 30 seconds after seeing her, that I was not going to be attracted. I knew 5 minutes after talking to him that I didn't like him. At that point, it was a no-brainer for throwing the no-go signal and I just didn't do it.

 

The important thing for us is that we learned from this, talked our way through it and we're eager to get back in the saddle and try it again.

[CuriousOKCpl 15]

UPDATE

 

Well, we haven't posted in a while, but we've lurked some, and we still read here, even though we're a lot more active on a "social network" type site than anything. I just wanted to give everyone an update on where we are in the process. Tonight, we had our first soft swap with a couple It was a BLAST! We had gone to another club after our first "bad" experience and that was a good experience. This couple we met online, went to dinner a couple of times with them and decided that we wanted to give it a go. Tonight at a Halloween party at a club we finally had a chance. Man, was it fun. So I guess we're not curious anymore. LOL OH and the wife is no longer bi-curious ;-)

 

I'll do a write up in the experiences forum later when I have more time.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Tonight at a Halloween party at a club we finally had a chance. Man, was it fun. So I guess we're not curious anymore. LOL OH and the wife is no longer bi-curious ;-)

 

Surprise So glad you had a great evening

 

 

I'll do a write up in the experiences forum later when I have more time.

Well thank you, please do.

 

Enjoy each other in a new way for now.

 

;

[WonderWhat 166]

Good to see that things are going well. I just wanted to chime in with my thought on jealousy:

 

It's normal to have pangs of jealousy the first times you see your SO actively petting, kissing and having sex. The jealousy ends when (and if) you know that there is no danger of losing her.

 

When she comes back to you with a passionate kiss and tells you "I love you, thank you for sharing these great experiences", and then you go home and have some of the greatest sex and conversations of your life.

 

That's when you'll know, deep in your bones, that this is the right thing, that it will not detract from your relationship, and that it will actually make it grow.

 

 

I see that you're going in that direction, and I'm glad for you. If you hadn't had that kind of reassurance, things would be going in a completely different direction.