How Do We Help These Couples Swing? Tough Assignment

[sahajacpl 95]

Recently we had invited a few couples, some young (mid to late 30s), some old foggies (mid 40s to 50s) for an outdoor barbecue. This was a vanilla party, not a swinger group party. There were about three young couples who we had previously met at a M&G, made friends, and within the past couple/three months played with, and, done full swap of partners for play and intercourse. All three are delightful couples and we have made great friends with them, socially and sexually, in spite of the age difference.

 

Among the invitees at the party was our nephew, Andy and his lovely wife, Katie. The swinger couples got along great with A and K and they hit it off very well. The swinger couples are looking to add new couples to their group. Turns out that A and K, to the best of our knowledge, have not done swinging and have not played and swapped partners with other couples for play and sexual intercourse with another couple's mate.

 

Well, Bob and Sally from the swinger group loved A and K so much, they would love to swing with and swap partners with them for sex. We can't blame Bob and Sallie for wanting to swap mates so Bob could fuck Katie who is an awesome female, while Sallie fucks her handsome hubby, Andy.

 

All of the above desires are fine and natural. We would love to get Andy and Katie to experience swinging since we honestly feel that it will enrich the sexual and married life of this fine couple. The two have been married less than ten years and have a very secure marriage.

 

The fly in the ointment is that Bob has requested that we (me and wife) talk to Andy and Katie and give the two a primer on swinging and suggest they join the swinger group to expand their sexual horizon.

 

We are extremely uncomfortable with this assignment since we are related to A and K and would rather keep our lifestyle to ourselves.

 

Please help with any suggestions as to how to handle this situation and help the two couples make the connection without involving us in any way. No question we would love to see the foursome swing, play, swap mates for social and sexual intercourse and enrich their lives. We would love to help in any way we can discreetly.

 

[slevin 1,374]

I wouldn't do that for anyone, whether the intended targets were my relatives or not. Especially not if they were my relatives. In fact, I think I'd be uncomfortable having relatives be a part of my swingers group. It wouldn't bother me that they were swingers; I just don't think I'd want them to be a part of my group.

 

As for Bob, well I'd tell him that if he wants to swing with someone he'll have to find a way to introduce them to it on his own.

[xxxboxy 139]

I wouldn't touch that with a 10' pole...in fact the whole thing just sounds predatory.

[Guest BamaRide]

Well explain to the requesting party that you've gone poly and while you'd love to explain things that that would result in a poly relationship for you and the wife with K and A as you also think that this would be something you could 'get in to'.....

 

 

Okay back to the real world... NO!!!!! 1000x no... their problem their job...now yall!

 

 

BamaRide

[Chicup 41]

"Please turn your vanilla relatives into swingers so we can fuck them?"

 

[CXXC 435]

Let me get this straight!

You friends want you to pimp your relatives to them?

1. Good friends would never ask this of anyone.

2. You know that if your family were not open minded, your secret involvement int he lifestyle would be out i the open.

3. Your family would want to know just how you know this swinger couple. And any thing that you could say to them to try to sway them would make you look like swingers in their eyes.

 

Just those reasons alone are enough for me to say, HELL NO! You convert them yourself. And yes, this does sound VERY pradatory!!!!!!!

[ncmd_couple 597]

As the others have said, I wouldn't go there. And for the same reasons listed.

 

S

[SheLovesTheSun 40]

That's an awkward position that they put you in. They should not have asked you and I would tell them (politely) that they can ask the other couple themselves.

[The Fuse 1,012]

That's an awkward position that they put you in. They should not have asked you and I would tell them (politely) that they can ask the other couple themselves.

 

I would ask them further not to bring it up with the other (non-swinging) couple. Let your "friends" find swing partners in a way that won't get you in trouble with your family!

[LFM2 1,482]

I will agree with everyone else on this situation. Stay out of it. It's not your place to make swingers out of family or friends.

 

 

...All of the above desires are fine and natural. We would love to get Andy and Katie to experience swinging since we honestly feel that it will enrich the sexual and married life of this fine couple. The two have been married less than ten years and have a very secure marriage.

 

Now, I just have to address this statement because it REALLY bugs me. I agree that swinging has brought a new level of fun and closeness in our marriage and probably in your marriage as well; Andy and Katie's marriage might not survive. They may be very happy just the way they are. Since you are not married to either of them, you have no idea what their marriage is REALLY like. It could magnify their marital faults and maybe that would be enough to break the camels back, if you know what I mean. I'm sure it's been discussed in here that most marriages can't handle the emotions and all that swinging entails. If they don't come to you first, I'd leave well enough alone.

 

Maybe swinging would ruin this "fine" marriage and maybe it wouldn't. But, like it's been said before, it's not your place to introduce swinging into their marriage. If it ain't broke, please, don't try to fix it.

[sahajacpl 95]

Thanks to all of you for frankly expressing what you think about this situation and how we should handle it.

 

Exactly our thoughts too. We do not want to play midwife to the young swingers. However, we are looking for words of counsel for Bob and Sally, without being so blunt (no way in hell, etc.). We would like to disgree without being disagrreeable.

 

Somehow we want to convey to Bob and Sally a clear but polite message that the two of them (or all three couples) might want to work it out with Andy and Katie, to find out whether or not they would want to join the swinger group, without getting us involved in any way, shape or form.

[xxxboxy 139]

If you don't have a problem with them trying to recruit your nephew and his wife I'd just flat out tell them that no one in your family knows about your participation in the lifestyle and that there is much more risk to you trying to recruit a family member than if they were to do so directly....otherwise I'd just tell them that you'd prefer that any of your family members find their own way into the lifestyle and that you'd really be disappointed if they couldn't respect that.

[lovinher 505]

Thanks to all of you for frankly expressing what you think about this situation and how we should handle it.

 

Exactly our thoughts too. We do not want to play midwife to the young swingers. However, we are looking for words of counsel for Bob and Sally, without being so blunt (no way in hell, etc.). We would like to disgree without being disagrreeable.

 

Somehow we want to convey to Bob and Sally a clear but polite message that the two of them (or all three couples) might want to work it out with Andy and Katie, to find out whether or not they would want to join the swinger group, without getting us involved in any way, shape or form.

 

How could you not be involved if your friends tried to "work it out" with them? Your posts seem contradictory. On one hand you say you agree with the advice given here but you seem determined to try to get them to join the swinger group you are also in.

[maniaco333 29]

I believe that the path to swinging is one that the couple will find if it is something that they are interested in. You shouldn't bring it up . Some couples find swinging as away to expand some others will expand their relationsip in a totally different way, each relationship is unique and no one but the couple should steer it in a different direction.

thats my 2 cents.

[Alura 2,774]

It reminds me of John Alden and Priscilla Whatzername. John's friend asked him to speak to Priscilla on his behalf. John did, but Priscilla responded with "Why don't you speak for yourself, John?"

 

This happened way back when the Europeans first invaded, so I may have gotten the story wrong. In any case, your friends need to "speak for themselves." Y'all need to stay out of it!

 

Alura

[VegasLee 1,486]

This kind of reminds me of the past.

 

20+ years ago mothers and fathers wanted to hide their kids if a "gay' came around. Of course, all gays wanted to attack their little boy!

 

The public today thinks that us "Swingers" want to do everyone. That we have no common sense or morals of any kind. Seems that some people try to make the public think that way about us in todays world.

 

Most of us that have been around for much time at all know that 99% of the world has no interest in becoming a swinger or having sex with anyone other then their spouse. Why do some insist on going to the "outside" and trying to recruit others for their personal pleasures (cheap thrills)?

 

I would be blunt, tell them to leave the kids alone. There are enough people more then willing to party, why go after those that are not asking for it.

[sahajacpl 95]

This kind of reminds me of the past.

 

I would be blunt, tell them to leave the kids alone. There are enough people more then willing to party, why go after those that are not asking for it.

 

We think our post has been greatly misinterpreted. First of, this couple A and K, (nephew and wife) are not "kids". They are a mid to late-thirties, well educated, and, gregarious couple, married almost ten years. Secondly, the two, husband and wife, are no prudes and are perfectly capable of handling a request for any type of a social compact, swinging included. Knowing the two quite well, we would be surprised if the husband and wife have not discussed and/or considered swinging. The swinger couples that are interested in them are in the same age group, give or take a few years.

 

Since the young swinger couples and A and K, all met at our place, had a great time, liked each other and talked, we presume they have each other's contact information. Threfore, as far as we are concerned, all of them are free to contact each other to discreetly gauge their mutual interests, social as well as sexual.

 

The only issue we had (and the reason for the post) was what role, if any, we should play. The answer is unequivocal. Stay clear. We have asked Bob and Sally to work out any social compact with A and K on their own. We have refused to get involved and requested that they honor the confidentiality of any relationship. After all, there is no way we can prevent communications between the two couples, even if we wanted to; nor would we want to.

 

Should A and K decide to join the swinger couples' group, us two, (husband and wife) will disassociate ourselves from the swinger couples' group, that A and K may decide to join. We may decide to continue to maintain any purely social connection but ditch the sexual aspect for good.

 

Are we concerned about being outed? The honest answer is: No. There are others (vanilla couples) in our social and family circle that are probably aware that we as a couple have developed certain interests that are different from theirs. They do not ask, we do not tell.

 

[SecretAsianMan 348]

They do not ask, we do not tell.

 

 

 

That's probably the smartest way to handle it. Too many people feel that it's their right to stick themselves into other people's business.

 

If your nephew/niece (?) did approach you for advice ... the best thing to do would be to simply be honest about your experiences and let them learn from what y'all have done. (I don't think it was ever implied that y'all were going to be swinging together although some may have interpreted that as a possibility ... and if that's the case - well, ((*shrug*)) - it's not my place to judge)

 

I do like that y'all would be willing to disassociate yourselves with any groups or clubs that your relatives chose to join (if they chose to join, that is) ... if they did join and began swinging - would you also forgoe the lifestyle and stop swinging or simply try to go elsewhere for your own activities? And would you simply hope to never "cross-swords" with the same couples/swingers? (I know some people aren't too worried about that - but others get a little twitchy at the thought of sharing the same lovers with their relatives)

[sahajacpl 95]

That's probably the smartest way to handle it.

forgoe the lifestyle and stop swinging or simply try to go elsewhere for your own activities? )

 

We are not talking about forgoeing the lifestyle at all. Just staying away from this particular swing group, if the A and K should decide to participate in their play activities. The world of swinging is way too big. And, we do have other couples and/or groups where we do and can swing.

 

Of course, there is never any assuarance that one may not accidently run into a neighbor, relative, co-worker at a club or a particular party.

 

That's life.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Thanks to all of you for frankly expressing what you think about this situation and how we should handle it.

 

Exactly our thoughts too. We do not want to play midwife to the young swingers. However, we are looking for words of counsel for Bob and Sally, without being so blunt (no way in hell, etc.). We would like to disgree without being disagrreeable.

 

Somehow we want to convey to Bob and Sally a clear but polite message that the two of them (or all three couples) might want to work it out with Andy and Katie, to find out whether or not they would want to join the swinger group, without getting us involved in any way, shape or form.

 

Glad to see you are on the right page. My suggestion on dealing with your swinger friends would be to be very blunt. Let them know that

a) these are your relatives and that puts a very big risk on outting you, especially if the idea did not sit well with A&K

b) they are talking about bringing them into a group that you play in, and you aren't comfortable with playing with your relatives even if they were ok with joining the group/swinging (if this is the case on your end)

c) even if they were not your relatives this is not a position you should be in. If you wanted to swing with A&K that would be one thing, but since it's not you wanting to swing with them you shouldn't be playing 2nd grade match-maker "my friend susie likes you, check yes or no". Come on, these people are adults if they want to hook up with someone then they should do the work themselves.

 

If these are actual adults you are dealing with then a&b should be more than enough reason for them to accept that you are declining your assignment. If it's not, then you may want to consider if these people are really mature enough to be swinging with in the first place.

 

 

Just read your last two replies on this page and it sounds like you have already followed pretty much what I said above and are on the same page I was thinking of. Way to go.

[sahajacpl 95]

 

Just read your last two replies on this page and it sounds like you have already followed pretty much what I said above and are on the same page I was thinking of. Way to go.

 

Since the OP was ours, just wanted to give all an update of what has transpired since we posted asking for situational help.

 

This latest development might sound anticlimactic, but our concern regarding any role we might be required to play was unfounded. Also, our confidentiality (as a swinger couple) has been maintained intact.

 

Our latest conversation with Andy, and, particularly wife's with Katie, clearly indicates that the two are happy that they got connected with the swinger group. We did not discuss any details, but it appeared that the couple was aware of the implications-i.e., swinging with the intention of swapping mates with other couples for sexual play, and, most likely, intercourse with someone else's mate.

 

Just as we had suspected it seems that A and K very likely have already done partner swap, or, seriously considered swapping mates for sexual activities, sexual intercourse included.

 

All in all, we are happy to see couples swing, swap mates and enjoy sex with other partners. Our role, if any, was just passive and we are happy to be of indirect and unintended connection between the couples. Hopefully, it will work out and all of them will have fun.

 

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Since the OP was ours, just wanted to give all an update of what has transpired since we posted asking for situational help.

 

This latest development might sound anticlimactic, but our concern regarding any role we might be required to play was unfounded. Also, our confidentiality (as a swinger couple) has been maintained intact.

 

Our latest conversation with Andy, and, particularly wife's with Katie, clearly indicates that the two are happy that they got connected with the swinger group. We did not discuss any details, but it appeared that the couple was aware of the implications-i.e., swinging with the intention of swapping mates with other couples for sexual play, and, most likely, intercourse with someone else's mate.

 

Just as we had suspected it seems that A and K very likely have already done partner swap, or, seriously considered swapping mates for sexual activities, sexual intercourse included.

 

All in all, we are happy to see couples swing, swap mates and enjoy sex with other partners. Our role, if any, was just passive and we are happy to be of indirect and unintended connection between the couples. Hopefully, it will work out and all of them will have fun.

 

 

Thank you for sharing this, we all learn from each other. Thats how it should be