Here for help in understanding wife's signals

[killerbee1969 15]

Hello Everyone,

 

I'm sorry in advance if I bore you, because I'm strictly here for advise from experienced people. I'm hoping someone has come across my feelings and understanding.

 

First of all, I'm a 40 year old married man with my wife being 35. We currently have two children, and planning for two more in the next year or so. I've been with my wife for 10 years, and when we first started dating, she explained to me that she was bi-sexual. I was falling in love with her, and she was with me, so that never become an issue. She told me that regardless of being bi-sexual, her understanding of our love was first, and she always enjoyed making love with me over being with a woman.

 

Well, through the years I've always suspected that maybe she did do something with me or a man...because of course, her sex drive has taken a serious drop through the years. I've stayed with a very hungry sex drive, and she has been very flat through the years....even though it was amazing our first 2 years.

 

This is where I need to know if I'm reading the signals on our marriage. There has been time when my wife and I talk dirty, more so while she has had a few too many, that she enjoys being with 2 men at a time, basically a fantasy of it. She has told me that if she wasn't married, that she probably would have gone to swinger clubs, or been a swinger....she said that once....but then said it would never happen while she was with me...she probably couldn't handle the jealousy, as I probably couldn't handle it too...I'm Latin/Italian...and I can see myself getting too loud with someone, if something goes on too fast...or not in my control.

 

In spite of all this...I have several fantasies when I masturbate, of us maybe soft-swinging, and really getting turned on by her reaction, and visual stimulation. Is that normal??????

 

When my wife was 19 yrs old...she was a phone sex operator, almost became an escort, but claimed she didn't go through it, but did admit to fucking the owner of the escort service twice. And at 17, she had some very hot sex with older men, tied to the bed, and such. Geez...when i met her, our first week, she gave me the best blowjob of my life, where she seemed like a pro, and all... to top it all off...she watched some b movie about couples doing a switch.

 

So am I just plain stupid here...and this is her telling me that she needs to try something new...or is it me making all this up in my head because i have feelings of it too....

 

I don't know how I would react....but I do get lots of enjoyment in seeing my wife...my lover, at full enjoyment when we have sex....

 

Please help me out here....and if so...how do I approach it?

 

thanks

[xxxboxy 139]

You'll get more info by talking to her about all of this.

 

And maybe I'm just misreading your post but it really doesn't sound like you trust the accuracy of some of the stuff she's told you over the years...if you don't have trust in your partner then swinging will never, ever work for you.

[SecretAsianMan 348]

Well... it seems to me that the best person to talk to about these feelings would be your wife. (If you can't talk to her about your feelings then swinging ISN'T going to be the right choice for y'all)

 

I'm really not sure if you had a specific question...

 

You've clearly stated that you probably couldn't handle the jealousy of sharing your wife with anyone else. And that's fine. Enjoy your fantasies - talk about them with your partner - open up those lines of communication and learn to trust each other.

 

If you can't talk to one another ... you'll never trust each other and these feelings of insecurity will only get worse

[slevin 1,374]

A common thing I have run across with women is that they are often heavily influenced by societal views of what women should be like. Not to say men aren't, but this is about your wife. So a woman who is married with two kids views herself as a wife and a mother. A good woman, good wife, good mother, would never want to be a swinger. She'd never want to be with other men or women. That is something that is dirty, you don't do that with someone you love. You do that with someone you don't care about.

 

This is often reinforced by men and their view of women. Most men think exactly that way; you don't do those things with someone you love. So there is a chance that those things turn her on, but her own view of who she is supposed to be is clouding her ability to accept or embrace that.

 

If this is something that turns you on and you want to bring up as an option with your wife then I think you need to make sure that your communication doesn't trigger the wrong thing in her mind. She isn't a dirty slut and she isn't a virginal wife. She is YOUR dirty slut and YOUR incredible wife; what you and she do as a couple sexually has no impact on who she is.

[ALilOEverything 901]

Please help me out here....and if so...how do I approach it?

 

You can approach it by showing her this thread. These are all things the two of you need to talk about and letting her read what you wrote to us is a great way to open those lines of communication.

[interested-05 135]

she admits to being bi-sexual, probably thinks about it, and if you are like most guys, you would love to do an fmf, and I suspect you would not get jealous of her in this situation. However if she were to ditch you because she wants women exclusively, then you would have an issue.

This is something you really need to have a heart to heart talk with her about. Regardless of how the conversation turns out, it is important for your relationship, to be able to discuss what is going on in your hearts and minds, rather than wonder and stress about why she doesn't want to have sex.

 

If she is good with the bi-sexual fmf, it frees you up to work with her to find the right situation, be it an fmf or perhaps another couple that has the same outlook

[killerbee1969 15]

neither have the urge, nor the need to experience it again?????

 

Hey Everyone, I really appreciate you input so far in the forum. I'm trying to figure out if my wife has any hidden urges to be a swinger, now that we have been married for 10 years, with two children.

 

These are the facts....

 

In her early years...19-22 she had several bi-sexual orgies, worked full-time as a phone sex actress, and was a high priced escort for a few dates.

 

She mentioned to me once in conversation how she probably would have been a swinger, if she was not married to me.

 

My thoughts:

 

I presume she enjoyed sex very much, until she gained about 50 lbs, after the baby was born. She is about 150 now, and Latina (Cuban).

 

With all the sexually charged events in her life, I'm feeling that she might be missing some of her orgy days with women.

 

Can a person be bi-sexual, and not take part in any bi-sexual activity for over 10 years?

 

She also enjoys watching porn MMF, and gets hotter during sex when I talk dirty about it.

 

Are these underlying experiences that may lead to hidden urges of wanting more sex in life...and for couples, is that more sex equal some sort of swinger?

 

I ask this from all of you, because you all seem very fine tuned with your emotions intertwined with sex. And from my last post, everyone seemed very understanding and gentle in their response to a total stranger...thank you.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

killerbee1969 said:

 

Well, through the years I've always suspected that maybe she did do something with me[n] or a man...because of course, her sex drive has taken a serious drop through the years. I've stayed with a very hungry sex drive, and she has been very flat through the years....even though it was amazing our first 2 years.

Could you explain what you mean in this first sentence? I'm not understanding what point you're making.

 

I feel that before discussing swinging with your wife you need to decide if your primary motivation is because you're unsatisfied with sex at home. It seems you are, since her sex drive has taken a serious drop through the years.

 

I'd suggest you talk about that first with her. Leave the subject of bringing others into your bedroom for later, only after you've improved your sex together.

 

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I feel that before discussing swinging with your wife you need to decide if your primary motivation is because you're unsatisfied with sex at home. It seems you are, since her sex drive has taken a serious drop through the years.

 

I'd suggest you talk about that first with her. Leave the subject of bringing others into your bedroom for later, only after you've improved your sex together.

 

Well... it seems to me that the best person to talk to about these feelings would be your wife. (If you can't talk to her about your feelings then swinging ISN'T going to be the right choice for y'all)

 

You've clearly stated that you probably couldn't handle the jealousy of sharing your wife with anyone else. And that's fine. Enjoy your fantasies - talk about them with your partner - open up those lines of communication and learn to trust each other.

 

Among the good advice you've received so far, both points made above stand out. Like many, I'm seeing some potential red flags in your post, at least based on how you have described things to us.

 

If the issue is your sex life with her, then work on that 100% before you even begin to remotely consider swinging. Swinging is an accelerant, it came make the flame of a relationship burn higher and brighter, but if you are already headed downhill, it will make the trip to rock bottom a lot quicker too.

 

It's understandable that broaching the subject of swinging doesn't come without some trepidation. But, that is a common question here, and my rule of thumb is that if someone is that worried about bringing up the subject that they start looking for all sorts of roundabouts and ways to interpret "hidden" signs, then swinging may not be for them to start with. Y'all have been together a while, and you know some if not all about each others sexual history and mindset, so you probably have a pretty good idea of whether she will be willing to even discuss it, so just ask to share your thoughts with her. If you are afraid to ask to the point you think it could possible cause harm to the relationship (or, knowing yourself and how you react to things, you're subconsciously afraid she might actually say yes), then that's your answer.

[killerbee1969 15]

Ok I'm sorry I keep starting new threads, but I seem to be lacking the status to reply or post. Or maybe it's just me, and my level of using an online forum, versus the national average, is low.

 

I've been reaching out and asking some of you seasoned veterans in the lifestyle, if anyone thought based on my SO, and her sexual expressions, if she had the possibility to want swinging. I'm mostly responsible for everyone's response because I've lacked the details, and again, my fault, I usually don't write anything forum-ish.

 

I'm here asking about certain things, and always getting the answer, "you need to talk to her, explain all this to her," or,"your relationship seems like it is having problems from what i'm reading.'

 

I feel I'm getting a very basic reply from everyone, and a cautious one at that.....

 

My marriage is very strong....extremely strong....the caring, respect, love, being only a few of the many are present every living moment. The sex is by far very amazing...not as often as before, but still very amazing...

 

I feel very happy when I see my wife enjoy sex, and it turns me on too....so I pose these questions from my prior post, with everyone to understand...

 

I'm here to feel out the experience of the lifestyle, and to make my judgement if it is something for me, and if so, then approach my wife with my conclusion.

 

I'm not looking to screw around with random women, because if that's what I wanted, I would have just done that in itself.

I'm looking to the sexual experience even more, with the person i love very much. And I'm very aware from reading the experience of others that if a couple has a strong relationship, it usually enhances the bedroom experience.

[N8ture Girl 318]

I'm here asking about certain things, and always getting the answer, "you need to talk to her, explain all this to her," or,"your relationship seems like it is having problems from what i'm reading.'

 

I feel I'm getting a very basic reply from everyone, and a cautious one at that.....

 

A basic reply is about all anyone can give you. No one can answer this question for you, they maybe able to give opinions based on what you say she has said, but we have no idea the context for which these statements were made. And they are based on your interpretations so that makes it harder.

 

She has told me that if she wasn't married, that she probably would have gone to swinger clubs, or been a swinger....she said that once....but then said it would never happen while she was with me...

 

Maybe she is interested in swinging, but only said that she wouldn't do it while she was with you because of the negative reaction that she expected to get so she added the " never while with you" to assure you that she has no interest because she thinks you wont have an interest. The only way to know is ASK her.

 

she probably couldn't handle the jealousy, as I probably couldn't handle it too...I'm Latin/Italian...and I can see myself getting too loud with someone, if something goes on too fast...or not in my control.

 

How do you know she would be jealous?

 

 

Like I said before, we cant possibly know the answers to your question based on your interpertation of words she said. This is something you two need to talk about together.

[ownerspet 506]

This will be a little lengthy: There may be different things going on here in her head... and I will attempt to try to explain why you may feel like you as you say "are always getting the answer" with the implication of it being the same answer.

 

First their are certain things you are asking, that must be addressed to make my point:

 

I'm trying to figure out if my wife has any hidden urges to be a swinger, .......

........

In her early years...19-22 she had several bi-sexual orgies, worked full-time as a phone sex actress, and was a high priced escort for a few dates.

 

She mentioned to me once in conversation how she probably would have been a swinger, if she was not married to me.....she said that once....but then said it would never happen while she was with me...she probably couldn't handle the jealousy, as I probably couldn't handle it too...I'm Latin/Italian...and I can see myself getting too loud with someone, if something goes on too fast...or not in my control.

 

What she mentioned above "she probably would have been a swinger if not married" may be the honest truth, or it may just be her fishing for your opinion on the topic.

 

1. If she was fishing: Because of the next statement indicating that she may be affraid of potential jealousy if you both chose to swing, leads me to beleive that she may have also been hesitant to directly address the subject without fishing due to fear of your jealousy. Which in my opinion is definitly a sign that you are important to her. (Keep in mind: this fear is a legitimate fear from anyone in a relationship who is breaching the subject of swinging with their mate)

 

2. If the comment "she probably would have been a swinger if not married" was the honest truth in how she felt: It may be that she doesn't feel like either her, you, or both could get past the jealousy that she described in the following statements.

 

So whether it is answer one or two or something else the readers here do not know.

 

Can a person be bi-sexual, and not take part in any bi-sexual activity for over 10 years?

 

To answer this question: Whether bi, gay, or straight, people have abstained from sex for many years in one stretch, so there is nothing unbeleivable about a bi-sexual person not engaging in bisexual activity for 10 years. (especially if they are receiving satisfaction from their heterosexual relationship).

 

Are these underlying experiences that may lead to hidden urges of wanting more sex in life...

 

I'm sure there are underlying experiences that are had in and out of bedroom that leave people wanting more in sex. After all it is the concept of hope. People find about activities, may even engage in activities, or just see someone they find attractive. So if any of the three or other things happen and someone get's excited, then yes this may leave people wanting more in sex. It may sound stupid for me to point this out that this where fantasies come from, but it takes me to the next part of your question.

 

..and for couples, is that more sex equal some sort of swinger?

 

For many swingers, fantasies of threesomes, foursomes, orgies, or even more have brought them to the swinging lifestyle. The desires are built over time just thinking about engaging in activities that may not just involve their spouses. This has brought many current swingers past their past fears of breaching the subject with their spouses, but some never progress past fantasy. So to answer your question, for couples more sex is not always some sort of swinger, but for some it definitily is.

 

I'm here asking about certain things, and always getting the answer, "you need to talk to her, explain all this to her," or,"your relationship seems like it is having problems from what i'm reading.

 

1. The anwser to your question is not straight forward as many of us would like. We often wish that the straight forward answer would magically appear in a pefect package. In high school girls would often act giddy, smile, or talk to me, so I never could figure out if they were freindly or they wanted to go out with me. Any mind reader around me at age 16 would have known I wanted a straight forward answer on whether the girls in my high school wanted to go out with me. But I have to admit: It would have been so much easier to just show up at their house knowing they were going to go out with me, than me having to build up the courage to ask them.

 

In a way this appears to be the same situation to the readers of your thread. You appear to want to know if your wife wants to swing. Your wife appears to be dropping hints, but you don't have the courage or you haven't figured out how to directly ask her.

 

That is why people are indicating that you need to talk to her, because they do not know what she wants. Every person is different, and you would be more equipped to find that out.

 

2. The other thing that you stated is that you are getting another answer indicating that your relationship may be having problems. Well anytime someone mentions possible jealousy, for most that indicates it exists at some, if even minimal level. With the possibility of any minimal jealousy and the lack of discussion between you and your spouse or her input we don't know if your relationship is ready for swinging, no matter how strong your relationship is. This is something that each couple has to discuss.

 

That's a little more than my 2 cents.....

[Swing*8701 887]

I think you two need a sex therapist. There's too much to sort through here for us well intentioned bystanders.

[killerbee1969 15]

Thank you for your 2 1/2 cents...it was very well thought understanding of my concerns.

 

I really don't know where this could lead me, but my wife told me how she wanted to visit a club, where we can see other couples have sex.

 

She feels it would be very hot, and she asked me if I would fine it hot too.

 

I of course said yes, because I truly feel this would enhance our sexual experience...but I'm no sure if I want more than just watching.

 

She is about to turn 35, and I feel she is feeling the urge for more sex...we have been going at it 3 times per week now, 3rd week straight.

 

I wish there was I was I can train my perception to disconnect possible emotions, when it came to not involving sex with love.

 

I somehow keep the two connected, and feel I'm closer to my wife, at the moment we are having sex.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

killerbee1969 said:

So am I just plain stupid here...and this is her telling me that she needs to try something new...or is it me making all this up in my head because i have feelings of it too....

 

It is often very easy to read into what someone says to hear what we want to hear. People can listen to what someone says and get entirely different understandings of what was said.

 

killerbee1969 said:

how do I approach it?

 

There's no set answers. It will probably be easier for you than most since your wife is already aware of and receptive to swinging in general. You might try reading the following forum: Talking to Your Partner About Swinging

 

 

killerbee1969 said:

Can a person be bi-sexual, and not take part in any bi-sexual activity for over 10 years?

 

Obviously yes Just because a person is bi-sexual doesn't mean they're incapable of maintaining a monogamous relationship with one sex and being happy about it. They might fantasize about sex with whatever sex their partner is not, but that doesn't mean they're not happy or miss it terribly.

 

 

killerbee1969 said:

everyone seemed very understanding and gentle in their response to a total stranger....thank you.

 

This board is a very welcoming place, with lots of supportive people. All questions are welcome!

 

killerbee1969 said:

And I'm very aware from reading the experience of others that if a couple has a strong relationship, it usually enhances the bedroom experience.

 

Yes it can. But it can not fix something that is broken. It's a magnifying glass. If it finds good, it magnifies good. If it finds bad, it magnifies bad.

 

 

killerbee1969 said:

she probably couldn't handle the jealousy, as I probably couldn't handle it too...I'm Latin/Italian...and I can see myself getting too loud with someone, if something goes on too fast...or not in my control.

 

Jealousy is not an uncommon problem in swinging. It's not often you see it, but enough couples deal with it that it's far from rare. This is something the two of you would have to work through, and carefully. If jealousy is going to be a major issue, then go slowly (if at all).

 

killerbee1969 said:

I really don't know where this could lead me, but my wife told me how she wanted to visit a club, where we can see other couples have sex.

 

She feels it would be very hot, and she asked me if I would fine it hot too.

 

I of course said yes, because I truly feel this would enhance our sexual experience...but I'm no sure if I want more than just watching.

 

There's no need to answer that question now. Just go to the club with no expectations other than having a good time. Relax!

 

 

killerbee1969 said:

I wish there was I was I can train my perception to disconnect possible emotions, when it came to not involving sex with love.

 

I somehow keep the two connected, and feel I'm closer to my wife, at the moment we are having sex.

 

You don't have to train yourself to do this. Separating sex with your wife from love for your wife isn't a requirement. I certainly don't.

[TNT 1,155]

killerbee1969 said:

 

I'm here asking about certain things, and always getting the answer, "you need to talk to her, explain all this to her," or,"your relationship seems like it is having problems from what i'm reading.'

 

I feel I'm getting a very basic reply from everyone, and a cautious one at that.....

 

Ownerspet did an excellent job of answering this ...none of us can tell you if your wife is interested in swinging, only she can do that and the only way you can find that out is to ask her. General answers are all any of us can give on that.

 

killerbee1969 said:

I'm here to feel out the experience of the lifestyle, and to make my judgement if it is something for me, and if so, then approach my wife with my conclusion.

 

I'm looking to the sexual experience even more, with the person i love very much. And I'm very aware from reading the experience of others that if a couple has a strong relationship, it usually enhances the bedroom experience.

 

It's great that you're here to learn about swinging....I am however curious. You say you're here to "feel out the experience of the lifestyle, you'll make a judgment, then approach your wife"....What happens if you make your judgment and decide that swinging isn't for you? Do you then go to your wife and say..."sorry, we're never going to swing" ? OR...if your judgment is that you want to swing do you go to her and say "hey, we're going to start swinging"...

 

At this point you have no idea what her true feelings are on the subject. Wouldn't it be better to first find that out and then the two of you explore together?

 

You are correct when you said that when a couple has a strong relationship that [swinging] usually enhances the bedroom experiences....BUT, I think you didn't realize that, that strong relationship that led to swinging first started with the couple talking to each other openly and honestly about their sexual desires, wants, fantasies and fears. Until a couple can do that, they're not ready to swing.

 

 

killerbee1969 said:

 

I really don't know where this could lead me, but my wife told me how she wanted to visit a club, where we can see other couples have sex.

 

She feels it would be very hot, and she asked me if I would fine it hot too.

 

I of course said yes, because I truly feel this would enhance our sexual experience...but I'm no sure if I want more than just watching.

 

Did you let your wife know that you're not sure you want anything more than just watching?

 

If you're asking your wife to be honest with you, you must return the favor and be honest with her.

 

killerbee1969 said:

She is about to turn 35, and I feel she is feeling the urge for more sex...we have been going at it 3 times per week now, 3rd week straight.

 

I wish there was I was I can train my perception to disconnect possible emotions, when it came to not involving sex with love.

 

I somehow keep the two connected, and feel I'm closer to my wife, at the moment we are having sex.

 

As to your wife turning 35 and having an increased sex drive....I think that's pretty normal Just enjoy it.

 

As to training your perception to disconnect your emotions from sex...I'm not sure you can train it....it's a feeling, a knowing that sex does not equal love. Until that knowing is reached, swinging won't work.

 

Each of us here took a different path to reach the point we are at now...that path started by talking to our spouse/SO, being honest with them and ourselves, asking the hard questions, listening to the answers and asking for clarification of any answer or question we weren't certain of.

 

If you're curious about swinging and you think your wife might be too, you have GOT to ask her, TALK to her and the both of you together have to decide if this is a journey you want to take or not.

[realcplub2 513]

WoW, Great advice... but one thing to point out..

 

There is one person involved in this conversation we havent heard from, the lovely Mrs KillerBee. We can offer advice but how it is discussed or used is beyond our control.

 

Now at the beginning fo the thread you were complaining how her sex drive was non existant, and yours was high. Can we do a bit of honest thinking here?

 

You said you have been married 10 years and have two kids.. and want two more

 

Between the pressures of motherhood, raising a family, and everything else that takes place in everyones life, there are times when the drive to drive, wains. Top that with her age, and you have a perfect reciepe for the hawiian disease to pop up in the bedroom.

 

Her past is just that her past, she was honest with you from the start. Its taken 10 years for these thoughts to simmer to the top. The sexual skills anyone possesses doesnt mean they were a "pro". Rather than overthink it, be thankful for it. Her sexual openess, is also another thing to be thankful for.

 

Its time to capitalize on it, and take time to compose a nice evening, without the pressures of kids, or anything else.. and talk frankly about where you are mentally, and find out where she is with your thoughts.. and if she doesnt know at that moment.. DO NOT PRESS for answers.. leave it with her to come back and talk to you about it.

 

One final thought, seperation of the emotions from sex is a difficult thing to do. It depends a great deal on IF you can take pleasure from knowing your wife is in love with you, and enjoying herself.. the same act is like a razor that causes jealousy, can inspire the feeling of pride/joy/excitement when she is enjoying herself sexually.. regardless of if its with you, or with other people.

 

Ask yourself a question, Could you, say, go down on her, bring her to orgasm, and be happy without getting anything in return, knowing she was satisfied?

 

Thats just a small spark but it leads to the bigger ones..

 

Hope this helps

[Karmickiss 28]

Hi All,

Great thread! I will continue to follow it with interest. I have a short time, so would at least like to say, as a 35 yeart old bi-female....yes...we can be in a monogamous relationship indefinately, the same as anyone else. Or at least it's been that way for me. Often it's easy to think bi-sexual means having to have both. For me it just means I can be atrtacted to the person underneath the skin, wheteher it's man or woman, both have their own delights for me. Love, however, rules out overall. If I love someone, and am in a strong relationship I dont feel like anything's missing.

 

I feel I have some similarities with your wife, the age, sexual identification, and two kids. I did have a long term partner I was with for a decade before he passed on a bit over 3 years ago. I dont have too much advice...just wanted to pop in and say hello..and that I'm glad you're here, I have lots of faith you'll get what you need and then some from this group of people...

 

I would also love to hear from the Mrs. if she ever felt so inclined to post here. I'm sorry, I dont recall if she has been to this board yet or not. At least would offer that if she were to have an interest in sharing, by PM or to the group...that I'd love to hear from her. Good luck with everything! Sincerely, karmic

[ownerspet 506]

..... my wife told me how she wanted to visit a club, where we can see other couples have sex........ She feels it would be very hot, and she asked me if I would fine it hot too......I of course said yes, because I truly feel this would enhance our sexual experience..

 

First, you appear to be having some but limited communicaton with your wife about this, but I'm not positive. However, I will say this on the comment above:

 

If your wife said recently that she wants to visit a club to see other people have sex, I don't encourage people to go to a club to treat them like a zoo... where you go and stand around to see caged wild animals.

 

If you are going to a club to watch other people have sex, then you do have the option to go to the on-premise clubs and "play with each other only" in front other couples while watching those other couples. You don't want to be perceived as a couple there just to watch a freak show (cause swingers aren't freaks, it's just most people aren't used to seeing others have sex in front of them), but it does sound like you both may have voyeuristic tendencies. So you may want to consider talking about planning a trip and going to an on-premise club near you to play with each other only while watching other couples play. Remember no one can force you to play with them, and remember the biggest rule in any on-premise club worth going to is "no means no."

 

....but I'm not sure if I want more than just watching.....

 

If you take the approach I explained in the last couple of paragraphs of this post, it sounds like you need to stick to playing only with each other until you both mutually decide you are both ready to go beyond that. Then the next day or on the way home, have an indepth discussion about how you felt when this couple was doing this, that couple was doing that, and you two were doing whatever. It sounds like you may want more than that, and I don't know if she wants more, this is something you have to talk about. You might get all your answers on the way home, but most likely you will have to put some time into the conversation and it may be several smaller conversations (this process requires lots of patience and understanding). You may find yourself sticking to "playing with each other while watching others" forever is enough for you after going several times, and that's ok, but deciding to play with others outside the relationship is a decision you both need to talk about and decide after trying the voyeur exhibitionist thing. I don't advise making this decision on impulse in the heat of the moment.

 

Understand that venturing into swinging is best done by taking small steps, but even the scenario above is a huge step for some people. The reason being is that from an early age most individuals in American society are taught that sex is primarily a private event between two people, so you may want to take a slightly smaller step. A smaller step may be just going to an off-premise club, where you are just going to meet other swingers. You could do this just to see if you are comfortable with the idea of interacting with other swingers (who surprisingly enough, are usually just like the normal population, but often perceived as more open socially) on a non-sexual level.

 

If you don't think your relationship is ready to try playing in the same room with another couple or you aren't comfortable with just going to off-premise social or meet-n-greet with other swingers, then you may want to just try going to the adult video store to get some movies and taking it home to watch while having sex (which may be very satisfying for both of you).

 

Another thing you may want to do, because it is often easier to write one's fantasies down than by talking to them face to face if he or she has not had many discussions about one's desires, due to the fear of rejection. You both could write down your fantasies, and exchange them.

 

She is about to turn 35, and I feel she is feeling the urge for more sex...we have been going at it 3 times per week now, 3rd week straight.

 

However, on this note TNT is right: "Just enjoy it." In my opinion, you never know what could happen to make that experience with the one you love end, cease to happen, or whatever. Life was meant to seek enjoyment, and let others do the same. Life does not always present these great situations (you have ups and downs) the way we would like, so grab hold of the experience as long as it is there. To be honest, you may want to just enjoy the ride that life has provided to you at this moment in time.

 

And that's another ten cents ........