Our first visit to the on-premise club, as members

[Guest warrencouple]

Well, last night, the wife and I quit our dithering, delaying, and procrastinating, and finally went to our (semi-)local on-premise club, and joined up.

 

Last evening was their Halloween party, costumes encouraged. The wife went as a "rockstar" girl, using a pair of leather pants, some boots she'd bought, and a silver drape top. I went the easy route, as her guard, with a black button down shirt, black pants, etc.

 

The drive there, I was nervous, babbling about just about anything the whole way. Oddly, the wife was not nervous in the least (more on this later.) The club we were heading to is over the border in Canada, we fairly breezed through Canadian customs, and went on our way. Despite missing the driveway for the club, which is in a mansion outside of Windsor, we made it with no problems, getting there about 9:30pm. The valet (yes, valet parking at a swingers club!) took my key, and gave us our ticket. We went up, and in, no hesitation like our first visit. Check-in was uneventful, we had our own lock for the lockers, and tucked our play bag in the locker.

 

First, some description of the club. As said, it's in a mansion, probably 2-3000 sq ft. Two floors, plus a basement. The basement has the locker / changing area (co-ed,) a shower, and a restroom (also co-ed) The main floor is the bar, kitchen, lounge, check-in, and dance floor. Outside, there's a hot tub. The second floor is the play areas, with a lounge / play area, semi-private beds (gauze curtains,) the "toy room" stocked with a swing, bondage cross, Sybian, and I think a massage table. There's also a private room; and the "orgy" room, which has one very large bed, and a Love Liberator Esse. There are also two restrooms, with showers on the second floor.

 

Now, back to our adventure...

 

We went back to the main floor, I grabbed a water from the bar. We did a little people watching, costumes seemed to run the gamut from, for the ladies, corsets with g-strings, thigh-highs, and a mask (think Eyes Wide Shut,) to just about any sexy costume you can buy at a lingerie shop. Men were everything from basic cowboys (hat, t-shirt, jeans,) to several Phantom of the Operas. The crowd definitely had energy, or so it seemed to me. While we were trying to come to grips with being at the club, at one point we had stepped out by the hot tub, the wife commented that there was a part of her going "what the HECK are we doing here," one of the hosts came around looking for "the other new couple," for the tour of the club. I piped up with "us," and apparently it wasn't us he was looking for, they didn't consider us "new." Happily, they didn't mind us joining the tour anyways. Afterward, we stepped back out by the hot tub, as it was getting rather warm in the club, from all the bodies. While out there, I overheard a conversation between the owner, concerning my favorite topic, computers! The wife teased me about this, at which point another guest asked what I thought of Win7. This led to a conversation with him, which I think helped me relax. The wife, in the meantime, was speaking with one of the new couples female half.

 

The rest of the evening, we sort of wandered around, finally sort of "hiding" in the downstairs lounge. We went over to the dance floor for a bit, just to see what was going on, probably around 11-11:30ish. On the dance floor, we saw the owner, his wife (I think), and another couple dancing in a group. My wife seemed to change moods, after this. We stepped outside (quietest place for us to talk,) she indicated she wanted to leave, and she was trying to apologize for wanting to leave. We went and picked up our bag, gave the valet our ticket, and said good night to the hostess.

 

Did we get up to the play areas? Nope.

(the ride home next)

Jason

[Guest warrencouple]

The ride home.

 

I had told the wife, if she didn't want to talk about it right now, we didn't have to. She did, however, want to talk. It seems, that what triggered her wish to leave, was the 4some dancing. As she explained it, seeing that, and thinking about the fact that if we went up to the play areas, they might be up there, and for whatever reason, the thought just upset her. I suggested, maybe, while intellectually the thought of people getting together, for the purpose of having sex with someone other than their partner might be OK with her, down deep, she'd had a hard time accepting it when it was "shoved in her face." She wasn't sure, but we had other things to talk about. As for the me being nervous going, she admitted that she was fine, right up until we walked in the door, and she saw a lady in a corset, heels, stockings, and a g-string...

 

We now come to our "wish weeds," the things we "wish we'd" or "wish I'd" or "wish you'd" have done.

 

We both wish one of us could have simply said, let's go up to the play rooms. I never said let's go, I think, maybe, because I didn't want to try to push her. She wishes I'd made the suggestion. Thinking on it now, I also think, I might have been picking up on her nerves, and let her set the pace. Yes, we both were waiting for the other to make the first move to go up and play with ourselves (this is probably the only board where people will take that in the correct context!!)

 

So, did we have a good time? Well, we didn't have a bad time.

Are we going back again? Maybe. I suggested we let it sink in, so we can assimilate our thoughts and feelings, over the next day or so. I also suggested, if we do go back, maybe one of the Meet & Greets at the club might be better. If nothing else, if our first visit is anything to go by, a smaller crowd.

 

Our adventure continues, one step at a time...

 

One last note. If you're crossing the border from Canada to the US, and take a lane with no one in it, don't joke with the border agent about his looking bored. I did, and got the "please shut off your vehicle, give me the keys, and open the trunk." Luckily, there wasn't really much in the trunk, outside of some trash, and my golf shoes...

 

Jason

(I'll see if the wife wants to post her thoughts, here, later, she's still sleeping...)

 

Quick explanation of the "wish weeds." Wish weeds just keep cropping up, and no matter what, you can't seem to get rid of the things!

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Bravo you guys

 

We are glad to hear you had a good conversation on the way home.

[Guest warrencouple]

fun4Ds said:

Bravo you guys

 

We are glad to hear you had a good conversation on the way home.

 

Thank you! Yeah, the conversation on the way back was a good thing. We did leave doing OK with each other, neither of us was upset at the other, but it helped to get things in order while it was still fresh.

 

Good thing too, as with my steel trap (door) mind, I had a hard time recalling what all did go on last night.

 

I think I've said this before, and likely will again, and have said so to the wife, if nothing else, our looking into swinging has helped us communicate more, and relax more. Used to be, if we went to the beach / amusement park / mall and I would (naturally) check out women, I'd feel guilty about it, start apologizing, etc. Now, I can tell her about it, and not feel guilty, because I know she knows that she's the one I love, entirely, whole-heartedly. I mention this, because I did tell her that one of the new members from last night, whom she spoke with for a bit, was

 

Time now to go get some breakfast (yeah, I know, it's time for lunch, but we're just going)

Jason

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Have you asked her who, if anyone, she might have at least found attractive?

 

Did you or Mrs Warren feel anything at all about the possible attraction from or toward anyone?

 

Sometimes it does come later, yeah there was this one guy or gal.....

[CXXC 435]

Jason

Mrs. CXXC and I are very happy you went! We are sorry that your "Wish Weeds" List is so long. However, there is always another time. Even if you dont end up becoming full blown swingers, at the very least, you can say you tried your best. And, you have such a great line of communicatin now!

 

Enjoy this "Ride" as much as the two of you can!

[Karmickiss 28]

Hi Guys,

I have been following this thread(s) for a while..I think I may have posted at one point, that's not important, but I think I want to go through the whole thread again..forgive me if repetitive..please bear with me, lot's going on all over the place in my life lately...good though...

 

What kept coming to mind was somehow this feels familiar. I am bi-sexual. I think I always kind of knew it, but I was in denial for several reasons. One of the things I really worried about with the whole attraction to women, was the idea of actually "going down" on a woman. I felt like I didn't know what to do or expect, and I could not enjoy and relax around women when I was first really exploring..b/c there was that pressure I put on myself.. I kept thinking of 'do or die' time...I couldn't relax and almost gave up on it. Well...all the things around that subject were wasted worries. I was putting too much pressure on myself, so much so that I made every excuse...and maybe I would not have enjoyed it ( but I did, oh did I;) )..but either way when I finally took the pressure off myself(story in itself) things unfolded with such ease I was amazed. Now it feels totally silly, but they were my feelings, so that made my fears real, valid...and I can be more gentle with msyelf as a result of that.

 

It seemed like the dancing might have brought on the fears of the actual physically performing, or getting into a situation that you might not feel ready for. It sounds like a gorgeous place, by the way. Please forgive me if this has already been suggested.....Here goes...Do you think it might help to make up your minds to attend some of these things, but decide from the get go to NOT play...just for now, no matter what. To just get used to the atmosphere, and enjoy the people, without having the looming thought of 'what if'(what if this happens, or that, or we want to stop, or the other one doesn't, or ...etc)..and the judging self internally maybe. Maybe it starts just feeling like it's all a polite small talk/actions to get to sex(yeah, but I mean unfavorably feeling like that)..being new, not knowing how you'll feel when actually doing it, could be really intense. What about strictly only meeting some people, and be upfront about being new so are there to just watch, or get a feel for it all. You might even want to meet with one couple or person first, maybe not even there, but privately? It doesn't really matter, that's part of the fun for you both to think about..but it might even be fun....like teasing each other...and deciding that the only sex that happens is between you both, when you get home? I do have a method to this madness...I know from experience it can be fun to hold back..sometimes. You can enjoy each other...role playing's always a thought:D Also..being new..it's might feel more scarey...about no means no...we all hear and know that...but maybe if you take your time...and decide to not make any moves with others until you both feel you really wanted to.Maybe it would help to practice saying no, in a nice way, just about not playing period on that night, and see the reactions of that, b/c hopefully, anyone in the LS long enough, can accept that graciously...to know how easy it is to do it(say no so that when/if the time comes for play, it wont feel foreign to state your boundaries if/when needed)...and to see who you really feel pulled to. I think any sincere people will respect your process. It might help to be able to say we are just "here for the viewing"..and/or meeting people you can click with and then maybe go check out the rooms. Lots like to be watched or to watch. So maybe knowing that nothing's going to happen sexually might bring in the spark, the fun or being there and being able to take it all in without any pressure to perform...,,,instead of having to fear.

 

Of course I had to write a book, and if it's an extremely repetitve one, I'm so sorry. I jut wanted to offer my thoughts while I was here...and say I really wish you both the best.....I hope to continue reading about this.....Sincerely, karmic

[slevin 1,374]

So glad that you guys stuck to your convictions and went out to the club. There are a couple of clubs in Windsor now, was this "The Suite" that you went to (if you're comfortable saying)? We haven't been, but have been invited a couple of times.

 

If you guys continue on with this I think that you are going to have to get more comfortable with taking the lead. Your wife seems to really be craving that leadership (she's even verbalizing that, which can be a rare thing), so you'll have to put your own nerves aside. This doesn't mean making her do anything, but rather leading her and being the one to make the calls. It relies on her speaking up when she isn't ready for something you're leading her towards, but based on what you've posted so far that doesn't look like it will be a problem for her.

 

It's awesome that you guys had a good time while you were there and were able to get out of your shell to talk to some of the people there. It's not as scary as it seemed last week eh?

 

Oh, and Halloween seems to be the busiest night of the year for a lot of clubs, so even if you went on another club night I bet it will be less busy than this party was.

[ALilOEverything 901]

I think it's awesome that you went!

 

You'll always wish that you did things a little different, hindsite is always 20/20 and who knows what the real outcome of that would have been anyway. Now you know better what to expect and if you decide to go again you can plan accordingly.

[xxxboxy 139]

Glad you went, glad you had a not terrible time. Now for an observation....in the recaps of your two most recent forays your wife has mentioned that "she wished you'd taken the lead". That tells me that she needs you to be stronger in expressing your desires of the moment and I believe that she'll tell you if you're leading too strongly. It's OK to make things happen and you need to find the balance between leading and pushing, but I'm convinced that you can do this, I just hope that you don't take 20 false starts to get there

[LFM2 1,482]

Jason, I'm also glad you guys went. It takes some oomph to want to get up and go. Now, I had the same observation that xxxboxy has...

 

 

Now for an observation....in the recaps of your two most recent forays your wife has mentioned that "she wished you'd taken the lead".

 

We all know that swingers only go as fast as the slowest person, right? But it never hurts to make a suggestion. You can always ask her, "Would you like to go upstairs?" "Would you like to dance?" "How about talking to that couple and see how that goes?" She would still have veto power if she didn't want to, but at least you're helping to "take a lead".

 

Was it anything like you thought it would be? Scarier?

[slevin 1,374]

We all know that swingers only go as fast as the slowest person, right? But it never hurts to make a suggestion. You can always ask her, "Would you like to go upstairs?" "Would you like to dance?" "How about talking to that couple and see how that goes?" She would still have veto power if she didn't want to, but at least you're helping to "take a lead".

 

I don't think that tactic is going to help the situation here. It's basically calling out verbally that she should take the lead when what she has been verbalizing is that she wishes he would take the lead. Asking her if she wants to do something is just setting her up to make the decisions. In this case I think it would be better to take the approach of making a decision and talking about it; "I think we should go upstairs!"; "Lets go checkout what the playroom looks like"; "Lets go dance a little and see how wild we're feeling".

 

Mrs. Warren hasn't seemed too shy about speaking up when she doesn't want to do something, but has, instead, been hoping that Mr. Warren would take the lead and make the decisions. Of course you don't want to be moving faster than she is comfortable with, but when it comes down to it someone needs to be making things happen.

[Guest warrencouple]

I was going to multi-quote this reply, to touch on everyone's points, but realized even with editing, it'd be one long post, so instead, I'm just going to name names, and lump some together...

 

Starting from the top:

 

fun4Ds: No, I've not thought to ask who she might have found attractive, yet. I know there were a couple women I saw, one of whom I mentioned on the way home to the wife, as a point in fact, it was the woman she had been speaking with.

 

CXXC: Thank you! We always thought we had good communication, but this has only improved it! As for the wish weeds, those crop up no matter what. I'm sure when we go to Vegas in January (a whole 'nother story,) there'll be "wish weed" done this, that, etc. I don't feel it was *that* long of a list, myself.

 

Karmickiss: The wife has stated she feels no attraction to women, and feels she has no bi tendencies. She can state that she thinks a woman is attractive, but in the same way, I think, that a guy can state another man is handsome. As for the only playing with each other, and not other couples, we've both discussed, and at this time, we are no-swap. Hanging around here, we both know that we'd bring that up ASAP in a conversation, in order to prevent someone "wasting their time" on us (wrapped in quotes, I'd expect only some people would see it that way)

 

Slevin, xxxboxy, LFM2: One of our "wish weeds" for both of us, was that I would have taken more of a lead, last night. She feels that possibly, if I'd suggested going up to the play areas, she would've. I think last night, though, the nerves got both of us, in that I was not quite sure what I wanted to do...

 

Slevin: Yes, the club is "The Suite." I'd call it a very nice place, and based on descriptions here, almost more of a "house party," where the hosts don't play (maybe? with the guests, than a club.

 

ALilOEverything: Thank you! We're not obsessing over the "wish weeds," it's not worth it, we can't change what happened. On the other hand, I've indicated that if she wants, I would like to go again, as I said, to the Friday M&G.

 

Phew. Right now, I'm trying to settle down, and let her think things over, and decide if she wants to go again. We've put one foot forward, time to see if we keep walking, or stand still. Regardless of which we do, her and I are together to do it.

 

Jason

[Karmickiss 28]

Hi Jason,

It's nice to hear you thinking out all the options. I just wanted to say...with the bi-thing...I was ONLY talking about that as an example to a certain concept... I'm so sorry that was misunderstood, I'd never go there, and the idea of her being bi sexual or anything like that wasn't even in my thinking. I use things as examples... more like, what I was feeling and why, and relating to to possible feelings of pressure.I just don't want the Mrs. to think I'm pushing that in ANY way...totally respect sexual identification. I just had to say this, in case it came off like that. I am not ever wanting to "recruit" anyone to my own tendencies.

 

It's good to know more info, and been trying to keep up on so many different things lately.....my mind is a bit rusty...lol..I think sometimes what I'm saying and the way I do it can be a little misleading...I can be abstract, and go on tangents...for me the bottom line was just...maybe taking anything that feels like a discomfort out in some way. I genuinely am hoping for the very best for both of you with this!.....Good luck, and keep writing, Sincerely, karmic

[Guest warrencouple]

Hi Jason,

It's nice to hear you thinking out all the options. I just wanted to say...with the bi-thing...I was ONLY talking about that as an example to a certain concept... I'm so sorry that was misunderstood, I'd never go there, and the idea of her being bi sexual or anything like that wasn't even in my thinking. I use things as examples... more like, what I was feeling and why, and relating to to possible feelings of pressure.I just don't want the Mrs. to think I'm pushing that in ANY way...totally respect sexual identification. I just had to say this, in case it came off like that. I am not ever wanting to "recruit" anyone to my own tendencies.

 

No, I didn't take it as a "trying to recruit" her, and took no offense at what was said. I fully understand the going out on the abstract, and tangents (do it all the time, myself, just look how far from the track of a conversation I can go in the forums {just like I'm doing now [OK, now I'm doing it on purpose, trying to be amusing ]})

 

Jason

[Coffeeblack 38]

Hi Guys,

I have been following this thread(s) for a while..I think I may have posted at one point, that's not important, but I think I want to go through the whole thread again..forgive me if repetitive..please bear with me, lot's going on all over the place in my life lately...good though...

 

What kept coming to mind was somehow this feels familiar. I am bi-sexual. I think I always kind of knew it, but I was in denial for several reasons. One of the things I really worried about with the whole attraction to women, was the idea of actually "going down" on a woman. I felt like I didn't know what to do or expect, and I could not enjoy and relax around women when I was first really exploring..b/c there was that pressure I put on myself.. I kept thinking of 'do or die' time...I couldn't relax and almost gave up on it. Well...all the things around that subject were wasted worries. I was putting too much pressure on myself, so much so that I made every excuse...and maybe I would not have enjoyed it ( but I did, oh did I;) )..but either way when I finally took the pressure off myself(story in itself) things unfolded with such ease I was amazed. Now it feels totally silly, but they were my feelings, so that made my fears real, valid...and I can be more gentle with msyelf as a result of that.

 

It seemed like the dancing might have brought on the fears of the actual physically performing, or getting into a situation that you might not feel ready for. It sounds like a gorgeous place, by the way. Please forgive me if this has already been suggested.....Here goes...Do you think it might help to make up your minds to attend some of these things, but decide from the get go to NOT play...just for now, no matter what. To just get used to the atmosphere, and enjoy the people, without having the looming thought of 'what if'(what if this happens, or that, or we want to stop, or the other one doesn't, or ...etc)..and the judging self internally maybe. Maybe it starts just feeling like it's all a polite small talk/actions to get to sex(yeah, but I mean unfavorably feeling like that)..being new, not knowing how you'll feel when actually doing it, could be really intense. What about strictly only meeting some people, and be upfront about being new so are there to just watch, or get a feel for it all. You might even want to meet with one couple or person first, maybe not even there, but privately? It doesn't really matter, that's part of the fun for you both to think about..but it might even be fun....like teasing each other...and deciding that the only sex that happens is between you both, when you get home? I do have a method to this madness...I know from experience it can be fun to hold back..sometimes. You can enjoy each other...role playing's always a thought:D Also..being new..it's might feel more scarey...about no means no...we all hear and know that...but maybe if you take your time...and decide to not make any moves with others until you both feel you really wanted to.Maybe it would help to practice saying no, in a nice way, just about not playing period on that night, and see the reactions of that, b/c hopefully, anyone in the LS long enough, can accept that graciously...to know how easy it is to do it(say no so that when/if the time comes for play, it wont feel foreign to state your boundaries if/when needed)...and to see who you really feel pulled to. I think any sincere people will respect your process. It might help to be able to say we are just "here for the viewing"..and/or meeting people you can click with and then maybe go check out the rooms. Lots like to be watched or to watch. So maybe knowing that nothing's going to happen sexually might bring in the spark, the fun or being there and being able to take it all in without any pressure to perform...,,,instead of having to fear.

 

Of course I had to write a book, and if it's an extremely repetitve one, I'm so sorry. I jut wanted to offer my thoughts while I was here...and say I really wish you both the best.....I hope to continue reading about this.....Sincerely, karmic

 

Hello Karmic, I really enjoyed your insight about not putting pressure on yourself. I don't know why I didn't think of this before... but your right. We are always in control of what we do or don't do, no one else. I love the idea of just going to a club to watch and just absord the energy of different people around you, without feeling like "I need to perform". I actually feel relief thinking about this. Weird I know??? Currently we're not swinging, just reading and getting as much knowlegde as possible,so we'll avoid bad experiences... as much as possible anyway. Again thank you. SWB Rocks