How has swinging helped you be a better spouse?

[DigginIt 1,132]

Mrs. Diggs and I were sitting around having a discussion, nothing new there; we have them all the time. She said something and it took me by surprise. I was like. “Say that again?” and she gave me the eye roll and said. “I told you about that two days ago, weren’t you listening?”

 

The truth was, painfully, no. I hadn’t truly listened. Do you ever half listen? In the conversation, you are paying attention but for some reason, you don’t give the conversation your full attention and as soon as it’s over, so is all recollection of even having the conversation? Maybe it’s a guy thing or maybe it’s a ‘me’ thing.

 

It’s funny how I have become so attuned to the slightest hint of conversation regarding our swinging life yet everything else kind of gets drowned out depending on what I’m doing at the time. And a thought hits me. I’m not paying my wife the attention she deserves. It’s not intentional, truly, because I love her more than anything but it’s definitely something I’ve begun to take for granted. Not sure if that is the right description.

 

I believe that there are life lessons that are taught to us each day. Swinging has helped me to realize that I need to take the “improved” conversation and listening skills that have surfaced from swinging and apply them across our entire relationship where they have degraded over the years.

 

Anyone else have any epiphanies from swinging? Maybe not just in your relationship, just in general. I’d be interested in hearing some examples.

[N8ture Girl 318]

The most profound thing that swinging has done for me is raise my confidence level higher than it has ever been. This has also let me be able to speak in front of others where before I would have been a stuttering, sweaty, shaking mess! What is the saying "picture everyone naked". HaHa never worked!

 

When we first dived into the LS I would hide behind hubby as we walked into a large social setting. (LS parties and the like) Once I was there a while I could move around with out the cover of hubby, but I was not the social butterfly that I am now. Now as the hostess of our local club, I have to welcome members to our events, and introduce members to others. Now I am first to walk into a social setting.

 

This has also helped with other non swinging social events. I had to speak in front of a room full of strangers a few weeks ago. I have never been so proud of myself! My thoughts were fluid, I felt calm, looked at everyone as I spoke, it was the greatest!

 

So once you can be naked in a room full naked people then the rest is easy!

[Mr. Truelove 81]

I'm with n8ture girl. I have a higher self confidence now. It wasn't necessarily swinging that did it, but it played a large part. Anymore I feel like there isn't anything that I couldn't accomplish.

 

And the shyness is almost gone! Oh how foolish I feel for all the years I spent being shy! The other night I was at a vanilla bar and I even had a couple women approach me! And I didn't lock up! lol

 

Very good feeling.

[PB&J 1,086]

Hmmm let me see..... Well, yesterday PB and I were getting ready for our annual vanilla Xmas party. USUALLY the preparations involve us having a fight about who is working harder, whose idea the party was, etc etc. This year the preparations involved sex an hour and a half before the guests arrived. In other words, we fight less and fuck more.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Swinging has made me so much more relaxed about many things. I feel much more mature now in the way I relate to people. I also don't have any feelings of having missed out on wild times. I have a feeling of having done something special and sort of exclusive, only for the adventurous.

 

Something else has come into sharper focus for me recently. I've always been pretty good at connecting with people, and always figured that ability was one of the things that made it possible for me to end up with Mr. Fuse, who has other strengths. But this year alone, I've had no fewer than four new playmates who emphasized how unusually good they thought the connection was (or is) between me and him.

 

I think with all four of those playmates, we had at least a good connection. But in only two of those four cases did I think it was exceptional, and was a little surprised by the other two, who seemed to feel stronger about it than I did. So I've become more aware of my tendencies in that area through swinging. I find it so rewarding to make those kinds of connections and have that give and take, that kind of resonance between people, especially when sex is part of it. So swinging has definitely given me that opportunity.

 

I'm definitely more confident in general. I have a feeling of having had a lot of experiences, which is what I guess I meant by feeling more mature. I just feel like I've done enough that some situations that might have thrown me before, are pretty easy to deal with now.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Hmmm let me see..... Well, yesterday PB and I were getting ready for our annual vanilla Xmas party. USUALLY the preparations involve us having a fight about who is working harder, whose idea the party was, etc etc. This year the preparations involved sex an hour and a half before the guests arrived. In other words, we fight less and fuck more.

 

Would you please have a talk with Mrs. Truelove please. She stresses out way too much for parties.

[FullThrottle 68]

Opening our marriage has meant opening much more of ourselves than just our sexual side. Most importantly between ourselves. Our communication is WAY more open and honest than it ever was before. The way I try to describe it is like this: If we can openly and honestly talk to each other about the nitty gritty details of sex with other people, what exactly is it that we can't talk to each other about? We have both found new found freedom in this ability to express ourselves both to each other and in general. This alone has made our relationship much better than anything I could have ever wished for. He has always been open and uninhibited about sex. He's a guy. For her we always joke that it's allowed her to embrace her inner slut. It's allowed her to pursue her sexual desires without inhibition. But despite what most think, it's not a bad thing. It's GREAT! Mainly though it's been the openness and communication.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

This year the preparations involved sex an hour and a half before the guests arrived. In other words, we fight less and fuck more.

 

Hmm. That could be a bumper sticker.

 

"Fight Less and Fuck More"

visit swingersboard.com

 

 

[DigginIt 1,132]

This year the preparations involved sex an hour and a half before the guests arrived. In other words, we fight less and fuck more.

 

Yesterday, we spent 7 hours baking cookies for everybody under the sun and then after we were exhausted, Mrs Diggs decided she wanted sex. It would have been nice to have had the sex before the cookies.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Swinging has made me so much more relaxed about many things. I feel much more mature now in the way I relate to people. I also don't have any feelings of having missed out on wild times.

 

M would tell me many of the wild 'sowing oats' days she had and while I had always thought I was pretty wild in my earlier military days; I quickly realized after we were together that I wasn't so wild after all.

 

As most everyone knows who has read any of our posts, we didn't start swinging until last May so deep down inside, I always thought I had missed out on a lot. I guess I can add that swinging has helped me fulfill many things I had often dreamed about (with M) that stemmed out of her stories she shared with me over time.

 

Regrets have been replaced with memories.

[magnum 78]

Swinging has made me so much more relaxed about many things. I feel much more mature now in the way I relate to people. I also don't have any feelings of having missed out on wild times. I have a feeling of having done something special and sort of exclusive, only for the adventurous.

 

Something else has come into sharper focus for me recently. I've always been pretty good at connecting with people, and always figured that ability was one of the things that made it possible for me to end up with Mr. Fuse, who has other strengths. But this year alone, I've had no fewer than four new playmates who emphasized how unusually good they thought the connection was (or is) between me and him.

 

I think with all four of those playmates, we had at least a good connection. But in only two of those four cases did I think it was exceptional, and was a little surprised by the other two, who seemed to feel stronger about it than I did. So I've become more aware of my tendencies in that area through swinging. I find it so rewarding to make those kinds of connections and have that give and take, that kind of resonance between people, especially when sex is part of it. So swinging has definitely given me that opportunity.

 

I'm definitely more confident in general. I have a feeling of having had a lot of experiences, which is what I guess I meant by feeling more mature. I just feel like I've done enough that some situations that might have thrown me before, are pretty easy to deal with now.

 

I would have to agree with The Fuse. The LS/swinging is something that I never thought I would experience. It is/has been an adventure and a lot of fun at that. One that I am glad to have experienced, you realize how many "average/normal" people are in the LS, not that everyone is the LS is not normal but before I got involved in the LS, I wondered...

 

I am happy to have been able to be involved in the LS, it has openned my eyes or should I say my mind more than I thought possible.

[CXXC 435]

Mrs. CXXC and I discussed this yesterday. We have determined that the LS has afforded us a stronger future.

The open and honest communication gives us the ability to freely express ourselves with one another. with that level of communication and open dialogue, the odds of us misunderstanding each other or our wants, needs or desires are minimized.

 

We also have virtually eliminated the fear of infidelity. Sure, something could come along, down the road, to cause us to pause. But, by and large, we feel secure in knowing that no one or no thing will sneak up and become a wedge between us.

 

Basically, the LS has given us security in our relationship and future that we feel would not have been there otherwise.

[socolais 696]

Swinging has shown me in a way that would have been unlikely otherwise, what a lucky man I am.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Swinging has shown me in a way that would have been unlikely otherwise, what a lucky man I am.

 

Very well said. I agree completely.

[sweet_tna 680]

Swinging has definitely honed our communication skills, and increased our self confidence.

 

For Mr. Sweet, it's been a reason to actually give thought and voice to his feelings.

 

For me, it's been a way to let go of some of that ever-so-tightly-wound self control and live in the moment.

[Chicup 41]

The truth was, painfully, no. I hadn’t truly listened. Do you ever half listen? In the conversation, you are paying attention but for some reason, you don’t give the conversation your full attention and as soon as it’s over, so is all recollection of even having the conversation? Maybe it’s a guy thing or maybe it’s a ‘me’ thing.

 

It is a survival mechanism. My wife enjoys verbose, unimportant conversations at times, often she's not talking TO me but talking at me while she figures things out.

 

At those times for my sanity my brain will focus on other things. Occasionally I miss something important, but she's learned if it IS important to make sure I'm paying attention.

[DigginIt 1,132]

My wife jokes all the time that right before she starts to say something she feels is really important, she is going to preface the conversation with "Hey, want to go have sex?" because she knows that will suck me out of any half-coma I may be in and get my full attention.

[LFM2 1,482]

Swinging has absolutely changed our marriage and our lives. All for the better.

 

Our communication skills are so much better than what they used to be. We can talk about ANYTHING. I can ask him about anything and I know he'd answer me honestly without feeling like I'm drilling him for information. I can point out a guy or a woman while we're shopping or whatever and say how I'd like to adopt them for a night or something close to that and know there is never jealousy or saying something hurtful. He knows he can do the same. He can point out a hot woman and tell me that he wonders what she'd be like. Stuff like that.

 

It's changed the way we think regarding religion. We think that's changed for the better as well.

 

It's brought us closer. If you were vanilla and reading this, you'd think I was outta my mind. Really? Having sex with others has brought you closer? Yes. It really has. I get the biggest turn on watching him with other women. It makes me feel closer to him that we can share something so intimate. Plus, I like to join in once in a while.

 

It's brought my self-esteem and self-confidence up. I'm more confident about meeting people and it's actually a turn on to know that there are many men out there that find me attractive. It's also great to know that there are many women out there that find Dave attractive. It gives me a good feeling.

[ratimadan 75]

Swinging has definitely improved our self confidence in social situations where we meet other couples. During a conversation, both of us individually, can discreetly communicate to the other female or male that I/she finds her or him sexually attractive. We have learned how to convey the message "I would love to have sex with you" which translates in colloquial language that I would love to play with you and fuck you to orgasm.

 

We would never have been able to do this to a person of opposite sex before we got into swinging. Now it's a different ball game. The swinging mindset has also allowed us to be discreet yet explicitly express our sexual desires towards each other and also toward someone ( a couple) we just met and would love to swap mates with and have sexual intercourse with his wife or hubby, mate or SO, that is, someone other than one's own mate.

[Pioneer Swinger 16]

Swinging has taught both my husband and I much about prejudice and how do use it and such stereotypes to defeat such! We have both sampled the sexual pleasures offered by mixing of the races. While my husband has been less adventurous than I, the first time I undressed in a Winthrop locker room with my left breast showing a solid black male “symbol” penetrating a white female symbol (outlined) and a white male symbol (outlined), I knew that I would be showing “all” that black men had sampled the pleasures of the body God had blessed me with.