Guys and cumming / not cumming

[SoFlaCp 85]

Figured we'd see if we could start a discussion...

 

We are fairly new to the "lifestyle" and have enjoyed a daily, great sex life before swinging. It has only gone up from there...literally (sorry for bad pun).

 

One interesting thing my wife noticed was that guys hold back a lot from cumming. She loves cum/male orgasm in all its form (inside even in a condom, on her, or BJ swallowing). I (husband) have noticed that my "staying" ability varies wildly in swing situations from "go forever" to "oops" - and seems really dependent on mood. I thought the ladies were more subject "mood" but in swing situations really seems to be the guys - or at least me

 

We've also both discussed how much we would prefer a situation where the ladies get the guys off first...relax, girl play, etc...and then pick up again. This is our preferred mode at home but again have run into reluctance during play (both m & f). At least we are direct and ask...and the play situations have been great for all regardless.

 

So...wonder what everyone prefers (guys/girls) and what you do to "assist" longevity besides working square roots or imagining Hillary Clinton naked....and what is the ladies view of this - my wife's inquiring mind wants to know...is she the only lady that likes this part of swinging sex ?

[lardub 170]

Just speaking for myself in most encounters I am so focused on her or them and my wife that although really enjoyable and I swear I have orgasms without ejaculation, that it can take up to and over an hour for myself to cum. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I am less focused on myself and much more atuned to the person who I am trying to for lack of a better words have an earth shattering orgasm. We to love watching men cum as well as women it is perhaps the most wonderful thing to watch and experince in all its forms.

[exploringRM 305]

In both pre-swinging and swinging I prefer to have the woman orgasm first. I can think of two reasons right now: 1) When I cum, I am many times pretty worn out and not always "up" for continuing. The delay could be a few minutes to much longer depending on alot of things. 2) While every woman is different they are not always so quick to orgasm, so would rather take the time to pleasure her first.

 

Of course this varies with every situation. I typically can control things and make intercourse last but the other night for some reason I just came quickly with a new partner (she was very hot). Not that the play session was short but when it came time for intercourse she had given me a good bit of oral which speed up the launch sequence She had already come once via oral so it was not like a "quickie". We did cuddle for a few minutes, chatted a bit and them I was able to continue not long after.

 

In another recent encounter at a house party, I was with a partner who said she does not always cum with guys when swinging..more with women. Of course that set the challenge...lol. So I was intent on last a long time. She came close to orgasm but never quite there, darn. So after awhile we were both tired but she gave me oral to completion. It was great and I came hard..pretty much wore me out for the rest of the evening. But that was also after a pub crawl so I had drank some and it was later in the evening.

[willyoats 324]

Without exception, my wife always cums first with fingers or tongue and then has intercourse. She never wants a guy in her for more than 5 minutes. Fortunately, very few guys go longer than that anyway. She has unfortunately had guys who either hold back or just can't cum in less than 15 minutes or more, That has NEVER been good experience.

 

All of my partners have also had orgasms before intercourse. Several find it almost impossible to cum without the aid of a vibrator, no matter whom they are with. Then during the subsequent intercourse I seldom last more than 5 minutes. That is right for me, and it seems to be OK for them. Since I have had more than one encounter with about half of my partners over the years, apparently they are not too disappointed to have a relatively long foreplay (seldom less than an hour) ending with an orgasm followed by a relatively short fuck.

 

I have had some experience with women who wanted to screw literally for a couple of hours and therefore did a gang bang. The three times I participated with one woman like that, she would have 25 or 30 guys in a row, but few of them lasted more than 5 minutes.

 

I have concluded from these various experiences that few man can have--and few women want to have--intercourse for really long periods of time. The fantasy that screwing forever is wonderful is a guy-thing. The reality is that few guys can do it and fewer women want it!

[CXXC 435]

We have yet to experience a woman who wanted such a short lived penetration. Mrs. CXXC has had the misfortune of being with a man who lasted the "five minutes" and felt quite unsatisfied.

 

For her, if her playmate is doing it right, she will be happy to go for hours. her desired sequence of events is, naturally, foreplay (approx. 20 minutes) consisting of both one clitoral orgasm from oral stimulation and a vaginal orgasm from being fingered, then the act of intercourse.

 

Any man may cum at his leisure providing she is properly satisfied. If he doesn’t last as long as she would like, she hopes that he has a very short refractory period and is able to use that time to please her orally and manually again.

 

Like I said, when it is good, she can go for hours. Penetration is her favorite. Foreplay is a requisite secondary.

 

She does, however, LOVE to make her playmates, male and female, cum as often as possible.

[sweet_tna 680]

Hmm . . . I do enjoy when my partner cums, and during intercourse, it often stimulates another round of orgasms for me. But quite honestly, if he does it right off the bat, I'll likely end up frustrated, as most playmates do take a bit of time to recharge.

 

I'm the queen of foreplay, and enjoy making that part of playtime last as long as possible. I will tease the ever-lovin' hell out of a guy--I'll let him just almost there, then back off . . . Granted, the actual intercourse part of play may not last as long then, but I'm okay with that.

 

To each their own, right?

 

=)

[SecretAsianMan 348]

Yeah - I always feel bad whenever I pull a "two-pump-chump" and fire-off a shot before I'm even getting into the groove of it. Usually only happens when I've been abstinent for a prolonged period. But I'm usually good to go after a few minutes rest - during which I will happily fondle, kiss, lick, finger and stroke my partner(s) 'til the ol' soldier comes back to full-attention.

 

[quietlykinky 40]

I can go either way as well. I have a pretty reliable technique for delaying that allows me to go for an hour or more but there are times that it just happens. The times that I cum quickly, I'm ready to go again in about 15 minutes so it's all good so long as she has something to occupy herself with in the meantime.

[SoFlaCp 85]

My wife's assumption is that with a bit of rest and stimulation - guys will get back up and then the long session starts. She too likes penetration - hard and for a while - in addition to oral, play etc.

 

We both love foreplay - but for her/us foreplay involves both of us cumming, followed by her cumming again and then penetration to completion. We've had more than a few encounters by now...and 2 that went for hours come to mind. The first was very hot but ultimately the guy gets off in his wife (condom excuse). In the other the guy skipped a lot of foreplay and went to rapid humping - enthusiastic but she wanted more...and again guy held off on cumming. Both actually really nice couples...but she can't wait until she gets someone who comes enthusiastically - and then gets up again for the main course.

 

I'm new and a bit frustrated with my inconsistency at times - and also patting myself on the back for the nights that go and go and partner is tired and happy. Never realized that for all the variety of sex we have at home...certain rhythms establish themselves and breaking out of them can be disconcerting. My best partner? First time popped off during BJ very unexpectedly - most excellent BJ and watching wife get into her partner sent me over the top. Felt like apologizing but she was cool and sweet - got her off and played again...next swap encounter (they gave me a 2nd chance) went for hours and was just...awesome for all. Quickly become good friends with great benefits. Her comment on our first encounter (well after the fact) is that she takes guys popping as a compliment - too many men feel like they should apologize which insults the lady a bit...as long as they make the encounter fun all is good.

 

Ya know...writing this seems like for me comfort/relaxation means more control and faster refractory period. Just gotta find a way to get there on first meet...and yeah, for me at least don't think condom is factor. For my wife...need to find some guys that like to pop and can get up and finish job.

 

BTW - for my wife and I conversations like this are still surreal...and great fun. Only in the lifestyle

[sweet_tna 680]

BTW - for my wife and I conversations like this are still surreal...and great fun. Only in the lifestyle

 

That, my friend, is what it's all about. May you always enjoy that feeling.

 

=)

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I remember one of my earliest experience with this. I've always enjoyed getting guys off and I knew one guy was holding back. He finally told me he could only get off once in a night and he wanted to enjoy as much as possible before that happened. These days I don't worry about it. I enjoy it when it happens, but if it becomes evident it's not going to happen I don't feel like I've missed something. I've got a guy who will be cumming with me when we get home... and that's not a bad worst case scenario in my book.

[celtic239 297]

I have a different line of inquiry, it isn't about cumming or not cumming but rather cumming on command. In all my years I have never been able to do this. I have been able to delay cumming for a little while but never be able to cum when asked to do so. I am always amazed at the guys in MFM porn scenes that cum simultaneously. If anyone can tell me the trick to this it would be greatly appreciated.

[quietlykinky 40]

The trick is to get really worked up, on the verge, ready to blow any second, tell the actress, start the camera rolling, have her yell "Cum for me now!" and then let it loose. A little bit of computer magic later it appears that the guy came on command when actually, he was going to cum anyway.

 

The miracles of the movie business.

[Powerglide 235]

I remember one of my earliest experience with this. I've always enjoyed getting guys off and I knew one guy was holding back. He finally told me he could only get off once in a night and he wanted to enjoy as much as possible before that happened. These days I don't worry about it. I enjoy it when it happens, but if it becomes evident it's not going to happen I don't feel like I've missed something. I've got a guy who will be cumming with me when we get home... and that's not a bad worst case scenario in my book.

 

I feel the same way as that guy. I'm 59, and when I ejaculate, I'm done for the night. I'd much rather play for a long time. Also, there's usually a pretty small window of time during which I feel I can push myself over the edge. After that, it's unlikely I'll be able to.

 

But we also shouldn't confuse orgasm with ejaculation. I have experienced many dry orgasms, which can be excruciatingly ecstatic.

[Playful1 434]

I find this a lot. I play with a guy, and he seems intent on going as long as humanly possible. I actually find it frustrating. I can only go so long with someone at a play party, no matter how much I am enjoying myself. I would much prefer they be really into it and ge toff in 5min, than keep holding back and take 15min to get off.

 

I have at times even resorted to 'making' them cum by using my muscles in such a way that they basically can't help it. I even once had a guy say "I didnt have a choice in that, did i?" about his cumming.

 

Too many guys seem to think they need to go forever to please a woman. Personally, the only time I can/want to go forever is with someone I love. If I am just playing at a party, I am just there for fun, and more than 10min fucking any one guy (not including foreplay, oral, etc) is too much.

[Trace Ekies 186]

I am simply a "one shot and out" sort of person so I do the things I need to to prolong the experience.

 

I am a foreplay guy and just want to toy with her for as long as she likes with, hopefully, a few orgasms for her in the mix. It seems to work in most situations and definitely works best for me.

 

There have been times when I have just the right amount of alcohol and wear a condom and I can control myself for as long as I choose but other times where I just can't hold back.

 

I haven't found disappointment for her or me but I've wondered how she really felt on a couple of occasions.

 

With the varied responses I've found here I'm going to have to dig a bit deeper and try to learn what my potential partner likes and the cater to that. If I can't get a good read, I'll stay with the tried-and-true, "play, play, play, screw, play, screw, play, play, screw, screw, play, play, play, cum on her tits (if she's okay with it) gameplan".

 

Trace

[The Fuse 1,012]

Mr. Fuse is also a one-shot-and-done sort of guy. He likes to give a lot during foreplay, and is usually the last guy in the room to finish. This is partly because condoms make it difficult for him to have an orgasm, and partly because he just takes a little while to get there. Sometimes when he wears a condom, he can't come at all. I can understand his partners maybe feeling a little insecure over this, so we both always make sure to tell them that is just the way he is.

 

I admit I love it when I have a play partner who can have more than one climax in an evening. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Mr. Fuse almost never has performance issues, and on the rare occasion he does it is pretty easy to fix with a little attention from me, so we hope that balances out the one-and-done aspect.

[SecretAsianMan 348]

I find this a lot. I play with a guy, and he seems intent on going as long as humanly possible. I actually find it frustrating. I can only go so long with someone at a play party, no matter how much I am enjoying myself. I would much prefer they be really into it and ge toff in 5min, than keep holding back and take 15min to get off.

 

I have at times even resorted to 'making' them cum by using my muscles in such a way that they basically can't help it. I even once had a guy say "I didnt have a choice in that, did i?" about his cumming.

 

Too many guys seem to think they need to go forever to please a woman. Personally, the only time I can/want to go forever is with someone I love. If I am just playing at a party, I am just there for fun, and more than 10min fucking any one guy (not including foreplay, oral, etc) is too much.

 

 

I've been to one party where a fella got a gal very early on in the night and ... as we humorously phrased it, "Practiced his Iron-Cock Kung Fu" -- he went for HOURS (we could tell because we would occassionally peek in & could hear 'em from the next room over)

 

... it was a rather small party and some folks started feeling a bit uncomfortable (some in sympathy for the gal - others because they wanted to play with that gal too ... and we all knew that she was DONE for the night whenever he was finally through)

 

It's a mixed bag and you never know 'til you're there if she would prefer to run a marathon with you or she'd enjoy a lot of wind-sprints at an event.

 

I will usually get a "warning" sensation deep inside when I feel I'm starting to approach orgasm - and I'll mention, "I need to slow down or I'll cum" and wait for a response from her (if she go with my "slow down" - then I know I'm good for a longer experience. If she goes HARDER or says something like, "That's good - I really want you to" ... then I'll know to just rock it hard 'til I get off)

[sexycouple1 36]

We are a couple that is fairly new to all this but my wife would have no problem getting a guy off as long as he can get it up for her in a reasonable amount of time for her to also get off herself.

 

Now "reasonable" time is the operative word here and everyone will have there opinion on what a reasonable amount of time is. After the first deed is done, relax, go to some foreplay with the girl and get her worked up up while your recuperating and by all means don't stress over whether you think you will be able to get it up or not. Because I'm betting you will in no time if your into her and not worrying about it. (And of course hydrate yourself before) I hear blueberry/raspberry smoothies are good for the circulatory system down there to help get and maintain erections prior to any sex. (Experts also say losing weight helps with that as well- so work out a little)

[The Fuse 1,012]

We are a couple that is fairly new to all this but my wife would have no problem getting a guy off as long as he can get it up for her in a reasonable amount of time for her to also get off herself.

 

Now "reasonable" time is the operative word here and everyone will have there opinion on what a reasonable amount of time is. After the first deed is done, relax, go to some foreplay with the girl and get her worked up up while your recuperating and by all means don't stress over whether you think you will be able to get it up or not. Because I'm betting you will in no time if your into her and not worrying about it. (And of course hydrate yourself before) I hear blueberry/raspberry smoothies are good for the circulatory system down there to help get and maintain erections prior to any sex. (Experts also say losing weight helps with that as well- so work out a little)

As I stated in my last post, my husband generally can only have one orgasm in a night. Period. Doesn't matter if he is hydrated. He is thin and fit. He's just built that way. If there is a second time, it is hours later. I've known him for 20 years and he has always been that way.

 

So, it stands to reason that he holds back at least until the lady has been satisfied. Sometimes he doesn't come at all, because the condoms make it difficult for him. Again, it's just the way he is made. It doesn't mean he is not into the lady. And it definitely doesn't mean he isn't fit.

 

If you are new in the lifestyle, you should be prepared for men who run the gamut from getting off three or four times in an evening, to men who can only do it once and therefore will hold back for a while, to men who either don't come at all, or who can't get it up the first time. If you expect all men to fit a certain mold, you will only be confused and wondering what is wrong when someone doesn't fit that mold.

[Powerglide 235]

I find this a lot. I play with a guy, and he seems intent on going as long as humanly possible. I actually find it frustrating. I can only go so long with someone at a play party, no matter how much I am enjoying myself. I would much prefer they be really into it and ge toff in 5min, than keep holding back and take 15min to get off.

 

I have at times even resorted to 'making' them cum by using my muscles in such a way that they basically can't help it. I even once had a guy say "I didnt have a choice in that, did i?" about his cumming.

 

Too many guys seem to think they need to go forever to please a woman. Personally, the only time I can/want to go forever is with someone I love. If I am just playing at a party, I am just there for fun, and more than 10min fucking any one guy (not including foreplay, oral, etc) is too much.

 

I think (or hope) that most guys can sense when a woman has had enough. If the guy isn't getting the hint, just relax and slow down and tell him how wonderfully he's worn you out, and that you need a break. It's a bit remarkable how many posts there are from ladies whose play partners aren't paying attention to their signals. This isn't even a swinging issue; it's Sex 101, for heaven's sake. So far, L and I have been very lucky in having very considerate and attentive playmates.

[qreskupl7476 137]

Communication, communication, communication.

 

To expect people, especially people that you've just met, to "read your signals", is setting them, and yourself for that matter, up for failure. I even miss my wife's signals from time to time in the heat of the moment, and I've had sex with her THOUSANDS of times. If you want a guy to cum, tell him. If you want a marathon romp, tell me so that I can slink off to another room before I humiliate myself.

 

If he delivers, great. If he doesn't, oh well, it was still fun wasn't it? I like Julie's response, and it's an attitude that my wife and I share. No matter what, we're still going to have amazing sex with each other later. Chances are that all of you will do the same, right? There's no such thing as bad sex, some's just better than others.

[YZF 8]

Mrs. YZF cums with the slightest touch. She will get off during intitial penetration if it is done slowy, giving her an inch at a time. A guy would have no problem getting her to orgasm several times in five minutes. She also comes when participating in anal sex with her pussy not being touched at all.

[divenaked 325]

For a period of time, I was a single male in the lifestyle. Somehow I ended up with a reputation of sorts, and was called upon as a srevicer at parties. It was not uncommon to have sex with 5 or 6 women in one night. Sipping gin throughout the evening can keep you just desensitised enough to keep from popping. Now that I'm in a committed relasionship, things are different. I don't feel like I have a job to do, not that I minded then, but I can be more relaxed now. There are still times when I have a hard time getting off. I have been so turned on that you would think my dick was gonna bust, it was so hard. No getting off then, damnit. Other times, I wont last long. I have had complaints for not getting off ("Don't I turn you on?), but never for cumming too fast. Plenty of foreplay will take care of that before the intercourse begins.

[Zumbudy 16]

I guess I'm the strange one , 20 minuets is a quickie for me, I seem to be like the energizer bunny and I have upon occasion came twice, but that takes at leased an hour or more.