Does your doctor know you swing?

[intuition897 2,179]

How up-front are you with your doctors? Do you tell all, or do you find yourselves omitting things? If you're active in the lifestyle, do you get checks for STD/general health more often? We're just wondering what everyone's policies are on this sort of thing.

Thanks!

[intuition897 2,179]

Ok, I know there are only 10 votes so far in this poll, but at this point the results are a little scary! I'm just posting again to maybe stir up some interest. I'm curious to see what the results will be after more people vote.

[BradAndJanet 70]

I need another option: My doctor is unaware, but if it was important he knew, I'd tell him.

 

Medical professionals have heard and seen it all, believe me, but I see no real compelling reason to bring it up. I know the risks of swinging and if I thought I'd fallen afoul of one (like contacting an STD), I'd have no problem mentioning it.

[HotMoCpl 20]

We haven't actually swung yet and I've haven't told my doctor anything yet. I see him four or more times a year and he's easy to talk to as we are both veterans and close in age. I think its important to be up front with him.

 

Cheers.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I could only vote the last one. Like BradandJanet - it is became an issue, I'd tell him. But it hasn't yet, so no reason, really, to bring it up.

 

I have no doubt that one of our dr's knows. He once asked "so this happened during a week when you were abnormally quite active sexually?"

 

We looked at each other, then at him and said in unison, "no. Why?"

 

He just smiled and said, "I'm jealous."

 

Now - whether he suspects we toss an extra set of hands or two in here and there... Who knows

[SBcpl 16]

Does your doctor know that you're active in the lifestyle?

 

During 20+ years of monogamy we've never had to worry about STDs, but next week we're hoping to have our first MFM. Our planned partner was tested last January, and we'll insist that he use condoms, but even so there is some small risk of getting an STD. There'll be additional risk if we continue to meet other new partners.

 

So, do we tell our doctors that we're now engaging in multi-partner sex? So far as we know our doctors are all vanilla. We don't know how they'd react if we suddenly announced that we were sleeping around.

 

And if one doesn't tell one's doctor about one's new hobby, where does one go to get tested for STDs? And who do you see for treatment should you ever be unfortunate enough to contract one?

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

We have a Planned Parenthood office in a nearby town and that is where we went to get tested for syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV.

 

They don't provide herpes or hepatitis testing. For those you have to go to a state office which handles testing for those who plan to travel out of the country or...for "other" reasons--I guess that's how they locate all the swingers.

 

As far as opening up to your doctor about your sexual lifestyle, that's your call. I imagine it would be a very good idea. But I haven't told mine yet. I've only seen her a few times and don't feel I know her well enough to have that comfort level.

 

I hope to one day.

 

If you do suspect you have contracted something you'll need to get tested. Don't put off going to your doctor. You can also go to Planned Parenthood.

[sunnylady4 15]

I wouldn't think there is any specific reason to tell your doctor. If it were me (and this is what I do as just a single female), I would just get tested for STDs every year during my pap, no need to mention why. It could be any number of reasons, and I suspect they may run some STD tests anyway that you are unaware of during a pap (I am not 100% on that..).

 

I have never had my doctor ask me why, although.

[graygo98 148]

When you were single, and doing what single people do... and taking whatever precautions you thought made sense... did you tell your Dr that you were single and seeing people?

 

Seems to us that this is a way more knowledgeable community, and probably way less risk, than back in university, for example. Not riskfree.... so be careful, but not paranoid.

[tracy1878 19]

my doc only ever asks if i have had more then 1 sexual partner, and I answer yes, then he checks for std's... He's never asked any questions, and I've never provided details. I was afraid to answer truthfully the first time, as he is the doc that delivered my children and knows i'm married, but i did answer correctly and he never said a word.

[wiscpl 22]

We have gone to be tested and had the doctor ask us why we needed to when we have been married for so long. We just said there have been partners outside of our relationship and left it at that. She did say that monogomy was the best way to avoid STD's and we thanked her for that information.

It is my opinion that Doctors are professionals and not there to judge your moral character. Their job is to diagnos and treat any illnesses and nothing more.

[Justwatch 15]

Hell, I don't even know my doc that well...guess I'd answer truthfully if it comes up. I do know from a past experience with a free test clinic that they did ask Mrs JW how many in the last year and she did answer truthfully....while she was a little embarassed, the nurse didn't have any kind of reaction that she could tell.

[BiDrywallChick 18]

well, since the new HIPPA guidelines are pretty tight about privacy, I would say there really isnt a reason not to be 100% honest with your dr. You dont have to go into the details of being swingers or what have you. I use the county health dept for my std checks and my husband uses the VA. I dont know what all he tells them since I am not allowed back there due to the HIPPA guidelines unless he is unable to communicate for himself. I simply check the boxes as needed. The dr that did my last check up asked me how many sexual partners I had since I checked more than one. I told her. She asked if they knew that I was not Mono. I said yes. Check did the ole " Scoot all the way down to the edge of the table and relax" routine. Gave me info on STD's told me that syphilis is prominate in this area as well as clamydia (sp) filled my BC patch and gave me a sack of condoms. She was very professional. She also wanted to make sure that I wasnt being abused or in need of drug or alcohol counseling ( sometimes i wish) and sent me on my merry way. IMHO, it is just easier to be honest with your dr than to keep tract of half truths or as i call it, lying by ommission. You health is more important than a few uncomfortable moments. Honestly, even if your dr is completely uptight, vanilla preacher, he/she is required to treat you the same as any other one of his clients and to treat you with respect.. as well as keeping your privacy. You know that little patient's bill or rights and hippa thing you sign every time you go to the dr, everyone should read it sometime. It is only dull until something goes wrong, then its better to know what your rights are from the beginning

[hilltop 16]

You know that little patient's bill or rights and hippa thing you sign every time you go to the dr, everyone should read it sometime. It is only dull until something goes wrong, then its better to know what your rights are from the beginning

 

Good advice and it sums it up from the official POV.

 

It's natural to be nervous about telling all but you're protecting more than just your health you're looking out for your partner as well!

 

I've always preferred to have my doctor know because he already has the rest of me in mind so it helps him as well.

[Spoomonkey 421]

BiDrywallChick said:

well, since the new HIPPA guidelines are pretty tight about privacy, I would say there really isn't a reason not to be 100% honest with your dr.

 

HIPPA is a nice program, but mostly it creates more red tape - it does not necessarily protect your personal information. I work in an industry that accesses medical records on a regular basis. All HIPPA does is require that we have the correct forms in place in order to have access.

 

Not to cause any alarms here, but be very aware that when you buy products (insurance) where you health history will be reviewed, everything your doctor writes in your file will be requested. Again - those HIPPA laws apply to the person given access to your records, and they also have the responsibility to keep what they read in confidence but don't assume that your records will always be locked in a file cabinet where only the doctor will see it.

[northindycpl 32]

Spoo's right! It can and it will happen exactly the way he put it.

 

In my work with charities, I have come across several clinics that provide STD testing at reduced fee, and it remains confidential.

 

The CDC offers testing and tests for everything, usually for a small fee. Also, most drug rehab centers offer testing for everything, and you can remain completely annoymous. Finally, the blood/plasma centers automatically test for things if you check the box they will inform you of your results within 7 days. The cost is aroun $5.00. Our Blood donation center also is a plasma center, and unlike many- it is a very upscale, clean well run center. Everyone just thinks we enjoy giving blood. LOL

[WoodyInSoCal 15]

When you were single, and doing what single people do... and taking whatever precautions you thought made sense... did you tell your Dr that you were single and seeing people?

 

Seems to us that this is a way more knowledgeable community, and probably way less risk, than back in university, for example. Not riskfree.... so be careful, but not paranoid.

 

My guess is that when you were single, your physician knew it and examined you with more specificity relating to STD's without you even knowing it.

 

I have always kept my physician informed - he is my pit crew so to speak - he needs to know where I've been and what I've been up to in order to look for things that I personally wouldn't have a clue about. And he needs to know so that he can advise me.

 

Of course, I live in Los Angeles - not a small community by any stretch of the imagination, so I may not have the same pressures to keep things away from him.

 

I can tell you though, it gives me a good feeling to know he is looking out for me - even if he may or may not approve of my behavior.

[intuition897 2,179]

Does your doctor know that you're active in the lifestyle?

 

...So, do we tell our doctors that we're now engaging in multi-partner sex? So far as we know our doctors are all vanilla. We don't know how they'd react if we suddenly announced that we were sleeping around...

 

~

 

Who cares how he or she will react? Vanilla or otherwise, people will always be people and they will have an opinion. Opinions don't hurt as long as they don't interfere with the level of care you receive. If you believe that your Dr. would allow his or her opinion of your lifestyle to alter the level of care you receive, maybe it's time to shop around for a new one. Here in Canada, our medical expenses are completely paid for; I have NO idea what an STD test costs out of pocket, but they're covered as long as the doctor prescribes it.

 

Our doctor knows and she's been with us over 10 years. When we first told her, I don't think she was impressed. A little shocked even (we don't seem like the type?). But she's a professional, advises us of the physical risks, and answers our questions. We aren't ashamed of what we do. We feel that it's actually very moral and ethical. I couldn't care less about 'converting' our Dr. She doesn't need to agree with what we do. All we ask is that she accepts that this is our chosen lifestyle and helps to support us in a professional capacity.

[sepacouple 15]

A few days ago I read somewhere else on the net of many pharmacists in some areas that are refusing to stock and fill prescriptions for the the "morning after pill" (emergency contraception) because they did not feel it was morally correct. So unfortunently not everyone sets aside their personal feelings when acting in a professional capacity.

[driveajeepnaked 26]

Hey, I look at it this way -

 

My doctor is a client of mine - I'm an accountant - he cheats on his taxes... I don't cheat on my husband ...

 

What's to hide after that??!!!

[curiousagain 326]

driveajeepnaked said:

Hey, I look at it this way -

 

My doctor is a client of mine - I'm an accountant - he cheats on his taxes... I don't cheat on my husband ...

 

What's to hide after that??!!!

 

ROFLMAO

 

That is too funny and so true!!

[DaveNSheila 16]

This is D. Because I am in the medical field I use one of the docs in the clinic I work in, not the doc I work for. I tell them what tests I want done and even give them the codes that they need. I have had one ask me why do I want the tests and I tell them because of risky behaviour. Nothing more nothing less. It also helps that I have tattoos and body piercings so that also makes it easier. Now whether or not S tells her doc I don't know. I know that she gets tests done as well and that is how it is.

[bear_and_babe 68]

I have been with my Dr. since he started his practice, over 20 years ago. He had seen me through several years of feritilty problems, with weekly check-up's so he knows me very well. So I was a little worried about how I was going to bring this up with him. We started in the lifestyle 2 years ago, I was worried about STD's and asked him to do some extra test. He had this hurt look on his face and asked if Bear and I were getting divorced and was I seeing someone! I just laughed and told him that no, no divorce, that we were in the lifestyle and had several partners. He seemed very relieved that it was just a change in our lifestyle and not a divorce situation. He was more concerned about my piercings and tattoo effecting my health then swinging. I feel better now that he knows about my lifestyle. I feel like I can ask questions and not be judged for asking them.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

I was just thinking about this issue as I have a yearly checkup soon. My doctors office has a form you fill out with all kinds of health info and one section is about sexual partners. There are several boxes and I might have to check a different one this time.

 

The clinic I go to is a Christian run clinic. I go there for the good doctors (ob/gyn and midwives) not the preaching. They don't ever push it but they will inform you that your behavior is risky. I have no fear of telling them. They have seen me through all kinds of fertility issues etc. and they know I had my first child out of wedlock and they never judged me for that.

 

I think they should know. They cannot help me stay healthy if they don't know what things they should be looking for.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[clcahill 15]

Another option for those uncomfortable with talking to their primary doctor for fear of being preached at is to talk to other couples who swing and get recommendations for a doctor who does not question the lifestyle and will still give you the care and proper screening you deserve.

 

Good luck and have lots of fun.

[eager4more 15]

A recent trip to my gynecologist reminded me of this thread. Swinging is a new thing since the last time I saw her. She knows I'm married and plan to have kids, so she was surprised when I asked for an std screen. I stammered something about sexual contact outside of my marriage.

 

She: Long pause. "so, is your marriage going to last?"

Me: "Yes... It was his idea."

She: "But, , WHY?"

Me: "..... cuz, uhm, he thought it'd be fun?"

She: "But, WHY?"

Me:

She: "Well, never mind. Do you enjoy it?"

Me: "Yes!"

She: "Well, as long as you enjoy it, who am I to say no?"

 

Some minutes and a speculum later (sorry if that's too graphic but I doubt this is a particularly squeamish crowd), I felt the need to further emphasize that I was NOT cheating.

 

Me: "Well, he's there at the same time."

She: "All three of you together? or more of you?"

Me: nodding

She: "All three?"

Me: "Yes."

She: "And more?"

Me: "Uhm, sometimes."

 

 

She had something to talk about at lunch that day!

[olycouple 62]

I had an appointment with my family physician today and I inquired about a vasectomy. Being a very intelligent woman she immediately asked me (with a highly raised eyebrow, I might add) why I wanted a Vasectomy when my wife is medically incapable of getting pregnant...

 

I blanked, I stammered, and in the end I copped out by saying "I do not want to discuss my reasons why"....

 

That was a bad way to handle it!!!

The looks I got were less than satisfactory, and the doctor started asking if there were "trust" issues between Mrs.Oly and myself. I am pretty sure the doctor now thinks that I should be wearing a bright red letter A and that I am going to bring home a VD present or a half-sibling to my wife and child!!!

 

Now, I have discussed swinging with my wife up one side and down the other(and we still are), I however, did not expect to (at that second) be discussing it with my doctor.Not to mention Mrs Oly and I had not discussed telling the doctor, so I could not make that decision by myself for the both of us.

 

After I got home Mrs.Oly and I talked about the uncomfortable situation and came to the conclusion that we will have to tell the doctor anyway when we ask to be tested for VD on a yearly basis.

 

I pose this question for those that have regular physicians; how did you tell them and how did it go when you did?

[ncmd_couple 597]

Mr. Oly,

 

Man, I had this happen to me today as I just got a physical. I had the V back in April and my doctor didn't make any comment about it than taking note of it as she "checked" out things. She didn't put STDs on the lab work that I'm supposed to get and I started to ask her to add that, but didn't know how to tell her why.

[sweet_tna 680]

I told mine very matter-of-factly at my last physical (in November) that I would like to have the battery of STD tests run because my husband and I had recently begun swinging. He raised an eyebrow, and asked if we were aware of the risks. I said yes, and that was that.

 

Your doctor is a medical professional and bound by privacy laws to keep your confidence. That said, many posters on here have recommended going to your local health clinic for blood tests, which I will most likely do. It may cost you more than your insurance copay, but then your insurance company won't know what tests your getting (or charge you for the labwork).

[Styles-N-Heidi 41]

I had somewhat of a different problem but related to this thread. I went in a while back to try to get some Cialis. I went through the regular spill, having issues, hurting my relationship, embarrassing, etc.. He looked extremely confused when I had finished my plea for ED medication and said, "Man I hate to tell you but you don't need medication. You are 26 years old you may have some serious medical problems. We need to run some tests." I had debated going in and telling him that I was a swinger and sometimes had problems performing in front of audiences but my girlfriend told me to give him the sob story. Now I wish I would of just been honest with him because even though I talked him into believing that it was possibly just a mental block and walked away with what I had came for he wrote me limited refills and now what do I say when I go back? Honesty is probably the best policy.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I had somewhat of a different problem but related to this thread. I went in a while back to try to get some Cialis. I went through the regular spill, having issues, hurting my relationship, embarrassing, etc.. He looked extremely confused when I had finished my plea for ED medication and said, "Man I hate to tell you but you don't need medication. You are 26 years old you may have some serious medical problems. We need to run some tests." I had debated going in and telling him that I was a swinger and sometimes had problems performing in front of audiences but my girlfriend told me to give him the sob story. Now I wish I would of just been honest with him because even though I talked him into believing that it was possibly just a mental block and walked away with what I had came for he wrote me limited refills and now what do I say when I go back? Honesty is probably the best policy.

 

That is why it is a prescription medicine. You want it, but don't actually need it.

[gatorvol64 216]

Gator actually told our doctor about our poly relationship briefly. They hit fists or something and he told Gator "Lucky you.". Now, you have to consider, I suppose, that this is the same doctor that, while I was waiting in the office for x-rays of my kidney stone, talked with Gator about which actresses they each thought were hot and that they'd "do".

 

Vol

[cubnamy1995 124]

Our family doctor is a funny guy. He knows, and he always asks me for advice on where to find all the bisexual women. I try to give him pointers where I can. They are professionals, and trust me, they have seen and heard far, far worse.

[sexcupid 809]

Well...when I go in for my yearly exam one of the questions that my doctor/nurse asks is number of sexual partners in the last year. My doctor knows that I have a serious relationship, so technically my answer should be

"1". He does have the 'safety' talk every now and then. And knowing that I have more than one partner, he just goes ahead and does the STD blood tests as part of my exam.

 

No technically having to blurt out that I am a swinger, but he knows that I have more than one partner.

 

Now...Jeff is not so 'sneaky' about things with his doctor's office. When we had a condom break and he needed to call in to go to the lab, the nurse asked and he blurted out, 'we swing, we had a condom break, now I want to get tested b/c of the break'. I almost fell out of the car. Sheesh, he could have just said he had a condom break and been done with it. I think he liked the 'shock value' of telling the nurse. lmao

[BCinIN 52]

It hasn't come up, but I'd say "we're swingers. Heh." Then again, being shunned by society--or, for that matter, any of its more boring/uptight members, which includes the people who gasp at the mere mention of swinging--is truly at the bottom of my Things to Worry About list. At first I did worry about it...but eventually I decided I'd rather be despised for what I am than liked for what I'm not. This doesn't mean I advertise it (especially in places like work), but if anyone asked me, I'd say yes without hesitation.

[lurkergirl 47]

...but eventually I decided I'd rather be despised for what I am than liked for what I'm not.

 

I love that line, do you mind if I steal it from you

 

I always just give a truthful answer to the "how many sexual partners in the last year" question, and let it go at that. I figure it doesn't really matter what they think of me as long as they're doing what I'm paying them to do.

[redgirlwithfrec 33]

lol this brings back a funny memory when the Mrs. and I went to tell our doctor and asked to be tested. We went in and I had real high blood pressure that day mostly from being nervous abou bringing up the subject. I told her my pressure was high because we had something we wanted to tell her about and ask her for. For some visuals my wife was sitting on a chair next the long thing I was sitting on and she was holding our nine month old baby.... Anyway, the first thing out of the doctors mouth was you need viagra don't you....and we both bust out laughing. We were like no we need the exact opposite, we hen proceeded to tell her that we just had our first experience swinging and we wanted to be set up for regular STD testing. She was pretty cool about and gave us kudos, asked us to be safe and told us to have fun and enjoy our youth.

[Dagney 78]

I was super nervous about this too, wondering how I would answer the questions as to why I wanted to be tested, but they never came. It was actually pretty easy and painless. I think it is probably best if your doctor knows... the more they know the more they can help. However, since mine didn't ask I certainly wasn't going to tell!

[olycouple 62]

Thanks all, we both appreciate the replies. The next time "we" go in "We" are going to tell the doc (the married "we" meaning me). It is just easier in the end if the doctor knows and can give medical advice knowing the whole situation. As Sweet_tna said the doctor is bound by privacy laws

[havefuninsun 122]

As Sweet_tna said the doctor is bound by privacy laws

 

Hmmmm ....

 

what about the office staff that reads your files?

 

For testing, I'm not going to my regular doctor, nor using our insurance. For a medical procedure, though, you probably don't have a choice.

 

Just don't be too confident that notes that are written in your chart(s) stay in your chart(s).

[sweet_tna 680]

Hmmmm ....

 

what about the office staff that reads your files?

 

For testing, I'm not going to my regular doctor, nor using our insurance. For a medical procedure, though, you probably don't have a choice.

 

Just don't be too confident that notes that are written in your chart(s) stay in your chart(s).

 

Technically, they're bound by the same laws. But I'm not naive enough to think those laws are followed to the letter, either. That's why I agree about going to a clinic for testing.

[havefuninsun 122]

sweet_tna said:

Technically, they're bound by the same laws. But I'm not naive enough to think those laws are followed to the letter, either. That's why I agree about going to a clinic for testing.

 

That's what we love about you ... you are a very smart girl

[jennandjamesinm 87]

On my last visit to the doctor for a physical, I asked her to screen me for all for the STD's. She looked at me a bit funny, because she knew I was married. I looked back at her and said "This is 2007 and even though I trust my husband completely, I am also not a fool." She looked at me and said, "You know what, I wish all women would say that and get tested yearly no matter if they are 100% sure that their partners aren't cheating. Because you just never know." So really no explanation is needed either. I let her come to her own conclusion and now I know that when I go back next year, it won't even be an issue. I suppose that her mind went to a cheating spouse because that is more socially acceptable than swinging is.

 

Jenn

[njcpl85 40]

Hmmmm ....

 

what about the office staff that reads your files?

 

For testing, I'm not going to my regular doctor, nor using our insurance. For a medical procedure, though, you probably don't have a choice.

 

Just don't be too confident that notes that are written in your chart(s) stay in your chart(s).

 

There are more than office staff that will read your files! If you ever apply for any type of life insurance please know that you are required to allow the insurance company to request your medical records. Once they leave that doctors office those records come into contact with many people. From the rep who is writing the policy, the staff of the rep, and underwriters from the insurance company. (I know this because I work for a rep!) So if this is something you would like to be kept confidential please ask your physician not to even note it in your file. Like the previous post says it is also a good idea if you don't want anyone to know you have been tested for STD's to go to your local clinic to do so and whatever you do dont submit to you medical insurance. Any claims that are submitted to you medical insurance are open for scrutiny in applying for life insurance as well as thrown on the table for others to see.

 

mrs. njcpl85

[sweet_tna 680]

That's what we love about you ... you are a very smart girl

 

Gee, thanks! I've been waiting to find someone who appreciates me for my MIND, lol!

 

Ya'll are pretty doggone smart, too!

 

=)

[Guest screaminggood]

I agree, you need another category that is "we'd tell them if it was info that needed to be disclosed."

[fun4Ds 1,098]

My doctor is aware of our sexual activities, as well as my attorney. Both have no problem it. Why would they ?

[ownerspet 506]

Oh no... I can't do that. I'm in the bible belt after all.

[sweet_tna 680]

My doc knows, but not everything. Not because of embarrassment (at least not on my part), but because it wasn't necessary to tell him any more than the essential info.

 

=)

[intuition897 2,179]

I know we're an "underground" culture, but holy cow! I had no idea that so many people kept this from their doctor. The way I see it, I don't pay her to have a personal opinion. If she has a personal opinion and voices it, I've known her long enough to let her know that I am an adult making an adult decision, and that it has been given due consideration. I feel that she has enough respect for me to know that if I'm undertaking something of this nature, there must be something more to it than what she knows. That's why I'd be reluctant to ever give this doctor up if we moved. She's not arrogant or egotistical or condescending the way many other doctors I've met have been. If she doesn't know a thing, she admits it. She's seen my family through every bump and bruise, each pregnancy, every illness, and I trust her.

 

I have told her about our "arrangement" and she clammed up pretty good. Which probably means she has an opinion, but is doing her best to keep it professional. In which case it's "don't ask, don't tell". She knows that this is just another factor to consider when asking me questions about my health. As it stands, it's irrelevant since we're inactive.