Do you become jealous when a act is performed that you will not do?

[Tia Vampire 167]

We have been in the life-style for some time now. We both have had time to get over our insecurities and jealousies. Now and then, I notice that the green eyed monster still shows it's ugly head. It's usually when a girl will swollow his cum. I will not do that for him because I find it disgusting. You would think that I would be happy that I did not have to do it and be happy that he found someone to do that for him since it's something I would never do. So why the jealousy? Do you become jealous when someone will do an act that you will not perform?

[CXXC 435]

It could be as simple as the old saying, "If not me, No One!"

[LFM2 1,482]

There's not a lot I won't do, but if he found someone willing to do something I won't, good for him.

 

If it affects swinging between you two in any way though, stop and talk about it.

(Sorry, that was the mother coming out in me!!)

[FitCpl30s 17]

I have the same issue with anal, we met a couple where the wife was into that and I am not. I didn't have a problem until my husband brought it up and threw it in my face. After that I was bothered but we discussed the situation and promised not to throw issues in each others face. That was many many years ago. Funny thing is now I enjoy anal.

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

My wife doesn't enjoy anal either. Based on similar prior threads, we had a discussion about how she would feel if I found a sex partner who liked anal. She said she wouldn't have a problem with that, and for me to go for it.

 

To the OP, is part of the issue the idea that another woman is doing something intimate with your husband that you won't do? In the sense she's being _more_ intimate with him because she will swallow and you won't?

 

No easy answers if that's the case.

 

I (male) _love_ giving oral sex. One of my favorite things. Unfortunately, I have a neck injury which makes it difficult for me to perform oral sex for longer than a few minutes. I try, and try, and try. But, it's very hard on me after a while. I've watched many different men give my wife oral sex, for a lot longer than I can. It makes me sad sometimes that I can't do that as long as I used to (I'd go forever if allowed! ) but I'm happy for my wife.

[PB&J 1,086]

I don't get jealous when another woman will swallow, which is something I cannot do for him. It's great to watch and he has NEVER asked me why I can't when others can. One of the great things about this lifestyle is that we satisfy those itches that our partners just can't scratch. PB will never be a dom, but I definitely have sub tendencies, and he's happy for me when I can find someone to tie me up and do a bit of spankin'.

[Spoomonkey 421]

It is anal for us as well.

 

But we have chosen not to engage with other partners since we can't as a couple. It's been offered but I just politely decline. It really isn't a big deal to me. The only woman that I have done that with is her, but it was only once to completion and once to an early "OW! OW! STOP!"

 

Since it is something in the "take it or leave it" pile for me, we just leave it a non-issue.

 

Spoomonkey

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

. . . So why the jealousy?

Analyzing an emotional response is often difficult. Sometimes I get a twinge of jealousy when JoAnn warms up to a man who will conform to her desire for rough play. It's irrational but I feel like I just can't help it. Won't pretend to give you advice here. Just wanted to say you are not the only one to whom it happens.

 

~Michael

[Tia Vampire 167]

bbarnsworth,

 

I think my problem is that I really would like to swallow for him and I have tried to swallow twice, but just could'nt get it down. I almost threw up all over his dick both times. When I looked up at him he had a hurt, but concerned look on his face. The second time he laughed at me. Then he said, "I did'nt have to do it if I don't like it". I felt so bad. So now when other women do it, I wish it was me. I do enjoy seeing him getting it from other women, but at the same time I feel jealous.

[PB&J 1,086]

bbarnsworth,

 

I think my problem is that I really would like to swallow for him and I have tried to swallow twice, but just could'nt get it down. I almost threw up all over his dick both times.

 

Damn that gag reflex, eh? I've got exactly the same problem. I don't even try.

 

On an episode of Glee, the rather odd guidance councillor found a young girl in the washroom trying unsuccessfully to throw up. The girl looks up and says piteously, "I'm trying to throw up but I just don't have a gag reflex!" The councillor says "Well, dear, later on you may learn to appreciate that." I howled, but not sure if my 16 yr old son I was watching it with was impressed by his mother's sense of humour. (that belongs in the thread on teen tv, I guess!)

[sweet_tna 680]

There really isn't anything I can think of that I can't/won't do for Mr. Sweet. But if if there were, I would be happy he could get that itch scratched.

 

But I see your point, and can understand where you might feel . . . left out. Only you can decide whether this is something you can become comfortable with.

[metroman 17]

bbarnsworth,

 

I think my problem is that I really would like to swallow for him and I have tried to swallow twice, but just could'nt get it down. I almost threw up all over his dick both times. When I looked up at him he had a hurt, but concerned look on his face. The second time he laughed at me. Then he said, "I did'nt have to do it if I don't like it". I felt so bad. So now when other women do it, I wish it was me. I do enjoy seeing him getting it from other women, but at the same time I feel jealous.

My sister-in-law threw up all over her hubby the first time she swallowed.

One bad experience didn't stop her - she checked with a few girlfriends on how they did it - got her head in the game - did a few almost ssessions then as she approached it from a different mind set - well, she likes it now & hubby is happy !!!!! Source of a lot of laughs a family get togethers now that it's in the past. Hang in there!!!

[The Fuse 1,012]

If I wasn't able to do something Mr. Fuse really wanted, and another woman could and did, I guess that might make me feel a little inadequate. I would feel like she was meeting a need for him that I couldn't meet. I think at the root of it, that that would be my problem.

 

Now if I just don't prefer to do to something, like anal, which doesn't entice Mr. Fuse much, I wouldn't mind if he did it with someone else. On the other hand, if it meant a lot to him, and I couldn't do it for him despite trying, it would be in the first category and would make me feel bad if he got it somewhere else.

 

bbarnesworth: this may seem obvious, but have you and your wife tried having her sit on your face to get oral from you? Does that bother your neck too? Or have her sit in a big cushy chair, legs akimbo, and you on your knees in front of the chair? You've probably tried all that, but I thought I'd ask.

[Tia Vampire 167]

Yeah, I have been told by friends that it is my gag reflex, but I think it has more to do with mind over matter. I've never liked the smell of cum and I hate the taste. Even though swallowing is something I would like to do for him, I just can't get over the fact that it is sperm going into my mouth. So that alone makes me want to gag. I just can't do this act for him. He does complement me on the great head I give. I'm good with that. As far as swallowing, I guess it's just not for me. I don't think i'll ever try it again. The last time I tried was a year ago.

[exploringRM 305]

Yeah, I have been told by friends that it is my gag reflex, but I think it has more to do with mind over matter. I've never liked the smell of cum and I hate the taste. Even though swallowing is something I would like to do for him, I just can't get over the fact that it is sperm going into my mouth. So that alone makes me want to gag. I just can't do this act for him. He does complement me on the great head I give. I'm good with that. As far as swallowing, I guess it's just not for me. I don't think i'll ever try it again. The last time I tried was a year ago.

 

You are not alone, my wife feels the same way. But she's ok when other women swallow though I'm not sure she's ever watched that..she's usually a bit preoccupied! Recently she had a play partner that either didn't tell her he was cumming or it just happened all too fast and she was NOT pleased. I mean she didn't go off on the guy but next time she'll have a talk before play.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Recently she had a play partner that either didn't tell her he was cumming or it just happened all too fast and she was NOT pleased. I mean she didn't go off on the guy but next time she'll have a talk before play.

 

Mrs Spoo has had this happen - and she does swallow. But still a bit of fair warning - or at least lasting more that 30 seconds - would have been nice. She was not pleased either.

 

Spoomonkey

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

"I'm trying to throw up but I just don't have a gag reflex!" The councillor says "Well, dear, later on you may learn to appreciate that."

 

:lol:

 

bbarnesworth: this may seem obvious, but have you and your wife tried having her sit on your face to get oral from you? Does that bother your neck too? Or have her sit in a big cushy chair, legs akimbo, and you on your knees in front of the chair? You've probably tried all that, but I thought I'd ask.

 

It isn't just the position, but the pressure on the neck. The best position we have for it now is me on my knees, and her in a chair or on a bed. The worst is me horizontal, on my front, and her likewise but on her back. I can't last more than a minute or two that way.

 

When I first encountered the problem, it was hard in any position. It's gotten better, and I expect it to continue to do so. I'll keep pushing the envelope regardless, unless it starts causing me real harm. I enjoy giving it too much to stop, whether with my wife or another partner. My wife's given up trying to get me to stop when she thinks I've gone to long for my neck to handle

[DigginIt 1,132]

My wife and I don't do anal with other couples and so therefore, if I was asked, I wouldn't do anal with another couple as I'm just that way. Ass play is a little different but don't want to get too far off topic.

 

We have been that couple where we have played with, on many ocations, with one particular couple where the wife would not give blow jobs whereas my wife loves giving them. In this couple's case, the wife wouldn't even give her own husband a blow job either. As far as we know, she has never had any issue with my wife doing it though nor have I had any problem with her not wanting to give me a blow job when my wife was doing it her her husband.

 

We have not yet run into anyone who will swallow. My wife won't do it either.

 

I never got jealous, I think, wow, my wife is giving him a treat!

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

bbarnsworth,

 

I think my problem is that I really would like to swallow for him and I have tried to swallow twice, but just could'nt get it down. I almost threw up all over his dick both times. When I looked up at him he had a hurt, but concerned look on his face. The second time he laughed at me. Then he said, "I did'nt have to do it if I don't like it". I felt so bad. So now when other women do it, I wish it was me. I do enjoy seeing him getting it from other women, but at the same time I feel jealous.

 

This isn't easy to solve, as others have noted too. I think you have to judge for yourself just how much of an issue this is for you, and decide how to proceed from there.

 

It should be a given that regardless if it is a HUGE problem for you, it's not your 'fault' or something you 'have to get over' or anything like that. You have a right to your feelings, and never should you feel unjustified in them, or feel like it's a 'hangup' or anything else negative.

 

If it is a big enough concern that it affects your happiness level in swinging, you might consider a compromise; that getting head from other women is ok, but no cumming in their mouths. It doesn't even have to be a spoken rule to the other couple; your husband can simply avoid cumming in the other woman's mouth.

 

Yeah, I have been told by friends that it is my gag reflex, but I think it has more to do with mind over matter. I've never liked the smell of cum and I hate the taste. Even though swallowing is something I would like to do for him, I just can't get over the fact that it is sperm going into my mouth. So that alone makes me want to gag. I just can't do this act for him. He does complement me on the great head I give. I'm good with that. As far as swallowing, I guess it's just not for me. I don't think i'll ever try it again. The last time I tried was a year ago.

 

As to the gag reflex response (separate from your emotional response to other women swallowing for your husband)...

 

My wife has a strong gag reflex too. Very strong. Like you, she's swallowed my cum very few times. I'd prefer if she swallowed, but it's not a big deal to me. Like you, she's very talented in giving head, and she goes at it with a gusto and zest whether with me or other partners. She really enjoys giving head. She really, really, really enjoys giving head to one guy while having sex with another. That's her favorite thing in swinging. But, she won't swallow.

 

Except once (and this goes to something to help with you perhaps)

 

My wife and I have always informed our play partners that she doesn't swallow. All the men she's given head to have been very considerate of that and haven't cum in her mouth, with one exception...which she wanted. His diet was substantially different than mine, and included a number of dietary things that supposedly improve taste of cum, and did not include a number of things that detract from the taste of cum. I told her it was fine with me if she wanted to swallow his cum, and I wouldn't be offended or upset. It was actually a big turn on watching her do it. She just wouldn't break away from giving him head until he came in her mouth. She enjoyed it. She later said the taste wasn't phenomenal, but it was a lot more acceptable than how my cum tastes.

 

Diet can and does have a direct effect on the taste of cum. For example, reducing meat intake (or eliminating) and increasing citrus intake (fruits moreso than drink). It might be worth conducting some experiments with your husband in this arena. Look up the information on changing the taste of cum (if you can't find links, let me know I'll help you). Make sure he's cum a few times on the changed diet so he 'empties' of the cum from before the diet change. Then, give him head. Instead of him cumming in your mouth though, have him cum on your breasts, or what have you. Take a small sample of the cum from there and put it in your mouth. See how it goes.

 

Also, there's a product out there you can find in adult stores called "Great Head" or something like that. We haven't personally tried it, but it's supposed to have a significant dulling effect on the gag reflex.

 

And one last thing; there's often times in sex play that various things one can engage in seem unappealing, difficult, painful, etc when you first dabble in it. Sometimes, with practice, patience, modifications, etc. those things become very desirable. Anal sex is one example. Multiple women have posted on this forum (even in this thread) that they didn't like anal sex, but came to enjoy it later. My wife is somewhat in that group; when we first got together, she told me in no uncertain terms that anal sex was right out. She would never do it again. Years later, we've done it about a dozen times, and the last few times she got some minor pleasure from it. It's up to her of course and how much she wants it, but at a guess I'll say that in five, ten years she'll probably actively enjoy it and want it, maybe more so than me.

 

To wit; even if you don't try the diet change, you could try sampling a tiny taste of his cum every time you give him head. You may find that over time you'll eventually develop a taste for it. There are some foods in the human diets around the world that are positively wretched, yet people gain an affinity for them and actively enjoy them. Cum probably isn't any different in that respect. But, if you have only attempted to eat the whole meal, so to speak, rather than tiny samples, you're being overwhelmed by the taste, smell, etc.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

We have been in the life-style for some time now. We both have had time to get over our insecurities and jealousies. Now and then, I notice that the green eyed monster still shows it's ugly head. It's usually when a girl will swollow his cum. I will not do that for him because I find it disgusting. You would think that I would be happy that I did not have to do it and be happy that he found someone to do that for him since it's something I would never do. So why the jealousy? Do you become jealous when someone will do an act that you will not perform?

 

This is something I've never understood. I knew another couple where the woman went OFF because another woman swallowed her hubby's load (something she would not do but this other woman loved doing and her hubby loved having done). I just can't wrap my mind around you (or anyone) getting jealous over an act that you refuse to do. The only thing I can imagine is there is something in the back of your head saying that if he gets these things you refuse to do from someone else he might leave you because he can get them elsewhere. I would hope that your relationship is based on more than that.

[Tia Vampire 167]

Julie, no, no, no the thought of him leaving me for another woman never crossed my mind. I would like to be the one to give him that kind of pleasure, but because I can not stand the taste and smell of cum, I can not give him that kind of pleasure. I would never go off on a woman that swallowed his cum. It's quite the opposite. I would be happy for him, but still I wish it was me that was able to swallow his cum. We do not have that as one of our rules, nor would I want him to make it one of our rules. His pleasure matters just as much to me as the pleasure that someone else brings to me for him. It's all good.

[realcplub2 513]

Yeah, I have been told by friends that it is my gag reflex, but I think it has more to do with mind over matter. I've never liked the smell of cum and I hate the taste. Even though swallowing is something I would like to do for him, I just can't get over the fact that it is sperm going into my mouth. So that alone makes me want to gag. I just can't do this act for him. He does complement me on the great head I give. I'm good with that. As far as swallowing, I guess it's just not for me. I don't think i'll ever try it again. The last time I tried was a year ago.

 

Tia, invest in a few gallons of Pineapple juice.. over the course of two weeks a glass a day will affect the small and the taste..

[FitCpl30s 17]

Julie, no, no, no the thought of him leaving me for another woman never crossed my mind. I would like to be the one to give him that kind of pleasure, but because I can not stand the taste and smell of cum, I can not give him that kind of pleasure. I would never go off on a woman that swallowed his cum. It's quite the opposite. I would be happy for him, but still I wish it was me that was able to swallow his cum. We do not have that as one of our rules, nor would I want him to make it one of our rules. His pleasure matters just as much to me as the pleasure that someone else brings to me for him. It's all good.

 

 

Funny that you say that. I always swallow, that is just the way I am, but on 2 occasions we had to break it off with the other couple. Couple #1 he loved the fact that I swallowed and after the 4th time playing confessed his love to me, I was like o'boy what should I do should we tell his wife! we just broke it off with them and left it at that, obviously they had marital problems and thought this would fix it. Couple #2 after the 1st time we did it I swallowed like usual, some how he found out where we live and would come by every day by himself, after threatening to tell his wife he stopped coming around.

Some times situations can arise from doing things that other people won't do but obviously these guys were both looking for replacements.

[EagerCouple 15]

Tia very interesting....Here is an opposite view from the Man's side, one that many may find odd.

 

Wife and I have been together for years almost 20 years and not too expirienced on her side when we got together. I loved BJ's of course but she did not, she would do it for me on occasion for short periods of time but she made it seem like so much work I eventually just dropped the subject. She would never swallow at all. Fast forward almost 12 or so years...well the BJ's are fun now for her..guess what ?! I can really care less After so long of having to ask to have it done, sometimes begg I just gave up. She would on some occasions offer but still I got the feeling that it was just work for her so I never got into it. Of course my brain downstairs loved/loves it but my heart was not into it.

 

So now she is into it but you know my brain is not, I love it and some women may think this is a handy talent I think it's a curse! Some women love to blow and I am the man for them since they can blow for HOURS and HOURS but I will NOT cum!!! It's like a tool, if they want to play for hours it's there, I won't blow and won't go soft either even though I WANT to cum I just can't. The thought I guess for years my wife not wanting it and running to the sink just killed it for me and now she WANT'S me to cum in her mouth but I can't!!!

 

So...now we are into swinging and I have not had the chance to receive oral from a woman. We have not talked about it yet but we will very soon, this is a good topic. What happens if after years of trying I blow in a few minutes with ANOTHER woman?? Personally I think my brain is trained that she does not like it so HE won't blow in her mouth..even though she SAYS she want's it now. What happens if some other woman blows me that honestly likes it and I blow in no time, will she get pissed ? Good reason for seperate rooms...I'd hate to do that to her and if I don't blow well it's cool we can continue in the same room but if I do well...I guess I got to a) not do it b) make sure she is OK with it and BELIEVE IT!

 

As far as anal...at the start it was a "one way street" then YEARS later occasionally in some positions with PLENTY of lube. Now it's quite often in many positions, DP's with a toy sometimes and cumming will be so intense it's like a firehose for her, usually more intense than vaginal. I love giving it and she loves getting it when in the mood BUT we have decided that it's our little something to keep. We will talk about it and not deny but off limits for others. Now if the girl's want to do some stimulation with toys we have decided that will be OK and the guy's can do the stimulation but no personal intercourse that way unless it's with our own spouses. We have learned that anal is not bad it's the way people go about it the first few times that gives it a bad rep. Done properly I think most women would enjoy it but it's all technique, mindset and the ability of the female to relax, tension really does make it all tighter and almost impossible to enjoy.

[ALilOEverything 901]

I've never been bothered if someone did something I wouldn't do. I won't swallow, I just can't do it but I did get to watch someone do that for my husband and it was amazing to watch.

 

A long time ago there was a woman who enjoyed giving prostate massage and it was quite amazing to see my partner enjoy the thrills of that. It didn't make me desire to try giving it and my husband now is quite disinterested in anything of the sort.

 

Variety is the spice of life. That's what's so fun about swinging.

[SecretAsianMan 348]

If it's something I physically cannot do ... (I'm not as flexible, I'm not as large, I'm not a woman, I just don't get off on that particular sex-act, etc.) ...I try not to let it worry me. I'm actually just pleased that my partner has found a willing partner who'll do that for them.

 

If it's something they REALLY like and need in order to get off... then it becomes an issue (but that doesn't seem to be the case in your situation - because your partner has already said, "It's okay" that you do not swallow)

[bendmeovernow 17]

I don't get jealous when another woman will swallow, which is something I cannot do for him. It's great to watch and he has NEVER asked me why I can't when others can. One of the great things about this lifestyle is that we satisfy those itches that our partners just can't scratch. PB will never be a dom, but I definitely have sub tendencies, and he's happy for me when I can find someone to tie me up and do a bit of spankin'.

 

we are the same way... i do get somewhat jealous when my husb will eat pussy when out.. or spend more time of forplay then he does at home with me.. it's why i don't watch him as much as others do... hehehehhe but on the same way.. i am sub and he's not dom.. so i get that time when i play. and he doesn't have to worry about my sub side and all other then when i have a bad day at work and come home asking to be beaten. hehheheh that's what swinging is about... being able to find what is missing and then you don't have to miss out on everything.. mmmmm

[couplers 4,727]

On one hand, there is nothing another woman does that I wouldn't do for hubby. On the other hand, I always get jealous from everything hubby does with a play partner: the flirting, the foreplay, sex of any type (whether I am there or not), and the retelling afterward. But for me that is the thrill. While hubby is screwing her (whether I am there or not), I'm thinking, "This is crazy; never again." When it's over, I can't wait for them to do it all over. And when hubby and I are fucking or he is eating my pussy, imagining (or recalling) hubby screwing another woman makes me come really hard.

 

What actually does bother me sometimes with hubby's other play partners is that my breasts are always smaller than what other women give hubby to play with. My breasts are firm and round, symmetric, pert and all that, and they fit my skinny body. But my breasts are smaller than some girls' nipples. While hubby can fill his mouth with one of her breasts and have plenty left over for his hands to hold, my breasts don't fill his mouth or his hand. The other thing I don't like is that my nipples are always small and hard. I am envious of women that have large, very soft nipples.

 

That's the report from jealousy-land!

[SaSsyNsWeEt 41]

No jealousy here. If another woman will do something for him (that he likes) and I (for whatever reason) can't do it, I would welcome it. I want him to get as much out of us swinging as possible, plus I might learn a new trick that might help me to do it later!

[djjwp 129]

No, that would not bother me but what will is when she would do something for her sex partner she would not do for me. Example, the ex swallowed when we were swinging but would not for me prior to that, she then did after that but I should have been first IMHO.

[lovinher 505]

There isn't much I wouldn't do that she may like except maybe rimming, eating a cream pie, 69 while standing (bad back) or put on a Johnny Depp costume. But if another guy could or would do any of these things I'd have no problem with it.

 

There are only a couple of things Lovinhim won't do with me, like talking French during sex. But if I heard French coming out of her mouth while playing I would definitely have a problem with it. Just as she would if I put on a Johnny Depp costume for another woman.

 

There is a difference between "could do" or "would do".

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

No, that would not bother me but what will is when she would do something for her sex partner she would not do for me. Example, the ex swallowed when we were swinging but would not for me prior to that, she then did after that but I should have been first IMHO.

 

Yes/no. Some men's cum tastes very poorly, and it's hard for a woman to swallow it. Some men taste much better. My wife has a had time taking my cum, but she has taken cum from a play partner. That's fine with me. We're all different. Now, if it were that she took cum from all partners, and never from me...

 

My wife and I discussed this general topic before. We don't mind either of us getting something from someone else that we don't or haven't gotten from our spouse, but we both would mind if our spouse did something (other than the cumming in the mouth bit) for a play partner that we refused to do for our spouse. That's a big no-no. Of course, there's almost nothing we won't do for each other About the only thing is my wife doesn't enjoy anal very much. And that's ok, and she's fine with me having anal with another woman if the other woman wants that.