Busted..our teenager found out we're swingers

[808robertr 15]

Okay how it happened doesn't matter. We thought we were very discreet. But our 17 yo daughter intercepted a text message from my wife's lover. the wife tried to blow it off as me texting her nasty messages,she wasn't buying it. Now the both of them aren't talking and their siblings are wondering what's going on. We're afraid that she may share this with her therapist and our whole swinging life will end. she made the same claim before to her therapist vut at the time we were only talking about swinging. I think a less said approach may work best...let her know that we still love each other and love her..any suggestions other than locking the phone, stop swininging altogether...have the both of them talk when their ready...wife was soooo embarassed she didn't want to come home....any suggestions greatly appreciated

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Just be honest and don't make a big deal of it. Your personal life is yours not theirs.

 

That's how we dealt with it when they found out. We've even taken the boys to the club on a slow night to have a drink or two.

[lardub 170]

I can fully understand how you guys feel we believe our 20yr old daughter may have a clue as we went out to the club last saturday evening and a couple we know lost their sitter at the last min, so being the accomodating people we are we said bring her over as our other children are the same age and she can spend the evening with them. Well our daughter the next day was full of questions such as. "Where did you meet them, are they in the bike club (We are in a motorcycle riding club) I just said yes, then she said where did you go I said to a bar to dance, she then said Dad you don't dance your a wall flower and who were you with? We explained it was friends we ride with, don't think she bought it but so far no more questions. If it comes up and she ask full out, I guess we will just tell her that we go becuse its fun but nothing happens just harmless flirting. not sure if she'll buy it though

[FitCpl30s 17]

Wow I wouldn't know what to say if our daughters found out. A few weeks ago we said we were going out with some friends, mind you our oldest is only 8, any how she turned around and said where are you really going cause you don't have any friends. We smiled it off, then she said you are going to the hotel, our faces dropped and we asked her what made her think that. She said she went through the bag we were taking and saw a bathing suit. She though we were going to indoor water park without her. We laughed it off, we hope she doesn't get this way when she is older.

[VegasLee 1,486]

You basically have three choices.

 

You can continue to lie to your daughter and keep swinging.

 

You can quit

 

You can be honest about it and let it go.

 

Just because she talks to her therapist should in no way effect you swinging or not.

 

Do what you have do to.

 

We choose the honest route, we did not feel we could do something we had to lie about.

[LFM2 1,482]

When our oldest daughter found out, we also chose VegasLee's third choice. We didn't lie.

 

We told her how it was, answered her questions (not personal sex questions -- she didn't ask any) and left it at that. She knows she can ask any questions she wants, whenever she wants. She's very accepting of this and anymore, it's not even mentioned.

[lovinher 505]

This is the second time she brought it up so my guess is that your daughter has had several clues and that's why she's not buying it. Kids are curiuos and probably know way more about you than you think. The cat's out of the bag now so you might as well be honest with her. Lying about it now will only make her more angry. Think about how it makes you feel when you KNOW your being lied to.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

I wouldn't lie about it. But, I also see a strong sense of control coming from the daughter here. I'm sorry, but my kids don't have a right to control my life beyond the obvious impacts children have on our lives. I would not stop swinging because my kids found out, even if they were upset about it. It's none of their business.

 

Would I stop because my kids happened to find out? Would I get rid of our sex toys? Would I tell my wife (or she me) to stop making noise when we make love? The answer to all of these is a resounding NO.

 

I think it's important to convey to the kids that you have a healthy, strong, stable, deeply loving relationship. My wife and I do not hide our affection (appropriately) from our kids. They know full well mommy and daddy are deeply in love. We will always make sure they understand that, even if they found out we swing.

 

To the therapist, I would say "Our sex lives are none of your business". To our child, we would say "Our sex lives are none of your business. We love you, we love each other, and that will not change. We always have, we always will."

 

In the future, keep your swinging communications methods, uh, more private I know, hindsight's 20-20 and all.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm trying to figure out why your daughter finding out means you have to quit swinging. I'm also trying to figure out why you let your teenage daughter dictate your lives. Your the adults here, right?

[VanHlebar 187]

I agree with everyone so far. I guess first off I would be having a serious discussion with my child about privacy. Our kids know that our phones, purses and wallets are all off limits to them period. They have no right to be looking at these items period.

 

That said, we think our older two children know about us. Over the years they have hinted and made a number of comments around us, but have never asked us directly about it. Mrs Van and I have discussed this and we have decided that when the time comes (because it will we are sure), our answers will be honest, but we will also say that our sex life is very private and we will not discuss it. We are very much in love and we love all of them and in the end that is all that really matters.

 

If they where adults when they asked us AND if they came to us with open minds, we would consider talking about the lifestyle in general terms, but again, not about any specifics of our sex life.

 

I agree with everyone else, you need to remind your daughter that even though she is nearly and adult, you ARE adults and you have no responsibility to answer TO her. As for the therapist, if you daughter has already brought it up once, I am confident that she already knows then. Not much to worry about there, she can't do anything with the information without breaking her oath.

 

-Van

[808robertr 15]

Thank you all for your advice. I know my wife was more upset by this than I. I spoke with my daughter to see if she wanted to talk about anything, she said no so for me unless she brings it up, case closed. my wife and i had a discussion and we both appear to be in agreement that if it comes up in her therapy session we will let her therapist know that it really is none of their business. We are a loving, committed couple who love all our children and no one can doubt that. our swinging life does not put them at any risk (e.g. we don't play at home). just because they may not share the same views regarding sex does not make us "evil" parents..

 

to those who posted that she has control over us, that is true. and this is something we continue to work on. we have gotten better about setting boundaries we just got to keep reminding her and be more cognizant that we are the parents, she's the child...again, keep posting any input you may have, but big Mahaloz from Hawaii...

[Learning 160]

I'm a child therapist so if a kid comes to me about parents sexuality stuff I put it back to "its your parents business, none of yours".

 

You need to feel back on your game too. After the embarassment subsides, going the notion that "we are your parents we are in control will help". Any odd reactions will just fuel her fire. Its none of her business.

[Spoomonkey 421]

My Mother in Law knows. My 28-year-old step-son knows (Mrs Spoo's son - but I'll keep him!) and my 21-year-old daughter has moved in for a few months.

 

MIL and Step-son we chose to tell because of the open relationship that we have. But my kids (via their mom) have a very particular "moral viewpoint" and telling them is not an option.

 

If she did find out, I would do my best to cleverly lie about it. It could damage our relationship and - if word got back to her mom - affect our custody arrangement. I think that we all know that swinging can be a huge strike against a person should such a thing become a part of a legal matter.

 

I am not sure how a kid would intercept a text message. I keep my phone with me or completely out of sight - and I don't even get text messages from our swing friends. We keep it to email or voice calls. And even then I always lock my computer when I walk away form it if the kids are in the house.

 

I don't know how you should or will deal with it - I honestly can't say exactly how I would handle it, since I can't anticipate the situation that would cause us being "outed". But there is obviously now enough of a rift between mom and daughter that it does have to be dealt with.

 

Maybe the best course, since you mentioned that the daughter sees a therapist is to just suck it up, go see the therapist and get their advise; if they are competent they should be able to discuss it professionally. But you know the counselor better than I do.

 

It is on the table, best to be honest given that there is no creative way to cover it. But you'll likely have to push a discussion so it doesn't simmer and carry out farther than it should.

 

Spoomonkey

[sweet_tna 680]

Hmm. Honestly? My first response would be to have a discussion with my daughter about respecting my (and her father's) privacy. What was she doing reading your wife's text messages, anyway? To me, that is way more upsetting than what she read.

 

Second, we'd talk to her about what she read--it's time to come clean. I'd only give a basic explanation, assure her that Mr. Sweet and I only do this because we love each other very much, and reassure her that she is also loved. Then I would remind her that our private life is just that--private.

 

So what if she tells her therapist? Isn't that what you're paying the therapist for? To help your daughter sort through issues she has/things that are upsetting her?

 

I hope ya'll are able to work this through, before the wall between your wife and daughter gets any thicker.

[MissKay 46]

Okay, I wanted to come in from a perspective that doesn't seem to be represented here, a teen/young adult daughter. I'm in my early 20's childless and while going to college, live with my parents. I'm also studying child and adolescent development and have been going over traits of different age groups and how to best handle difficult situations. I just wanted to ring and help you see what might be going on in her head and how you could help make this less scary.

 

Her finding out is probably, from her point of view, weird and creepy. Most people don't like thinking about their parents having sex period, let alone something considered 'deviant' in western culture. Add on that teens feel weird and secretive about sex and parents in general in our culture and you have a trifecta of uncomfortableness that can make her feel confused, grossed out, angry or victimized. (I'm not saying these feelings are justified, just that teens her age are physiologically prone to having poor impulse control, ego centered thinking and elevated emotions from all the crazy hormones.) She might act out, threaten to blackmail you, or generally behave inappropriately because she is uncomfortable with the information.

 

As stated in the thread, she has privacy/snooping issues and is controlling in your household, which you are working on. Keep on that, and try to stress honesty as well as privacy. These two need to be closely related.

 

You can be private about things, and have respect for privacy and still be honest. Privacy doesn't have to mean secrets, it just means respect for things that we keep to ourselves because our culture teaches it (that sex and sex practices ,as well as other subjects- money, mental illness ect.) are something to be discrete about. Really try to teacher her by example, respect her privacy, but ask her to be honest when it counts.

 

Also, while setting up privacy boundaries, like 'don't search through my purse/phone without permission' you could also give her every day situations that allow her to see in 'private places' in sanctioned circumstances. For example when my mother is driving and I am in the passenger seat and she wants something from her purse, she has no problem asking me to fish something out for her. This gives me permission to go in her purse and see what is in there with her permission without it being a big deal. It's nothing special, just purse stuff, lipstick, wallet, normal, but it takes away the mystique from her purse.

 

Only when something is 'forbidden' do we feel we have to sneak around and get information clandestinely. So while she needs to know that some things are private, it doesn't have to mean 'secretive' or 'forbidden' it is just polite to respect others spaces. You could also do this by having her answer your phone/check a text when you know it is 'safe' (my mom does this again when we are in the car and she's generally sure it's Dad calling about dinner/grocery plans) to make your cell phone less 'forbidden' and with your bedroom by having her fetch something that is in there, the house phone, some shoes, whatever. It lets her see it in a way that is allowed for a specific window of time and for a specific reason but still satisfies her curiosity.

 

Privacy is hard for teenage girls, cattiness and sneakiness is very common, just try and do your best, lead by example, make punishments that fit the crime and stick to those punishments. Also praise her when she does well. Many teen girls crave real simple praise, just a little ‘thanks for doing the dishes’ or ‘I’m glad to see you’re doing so well in History’ could go a long way.

 

I would like to respectfully disagree with the general consensus on one subject: Your sex life IS your daughters business. No it does not mean that you have to stop, it doesn't mean that you need to go into detail, but you DO need to be honest with her. Telling her 'it's none of your business' is a big fat 'forbidden' sign, which makes her want to snoop. Privacy is about respecting a person and their boundaries, but as parents it is your job to show her, by your example, how to be loving, and have relationships. Children, especially her age are learning their views on love, sex and relationships from you. Yes, friends and the media influence her a lot, but ultimately children tend to imitate their parents relationships.

 

If a part of your romantic life is forbidden it will freak her out and she will act out. Worse than that, her forming opinion about relationships will include shady, forbidden pieces and it could cause a lot of confusion for her forming ideals about relationships; and lead to poor decisions. Even if it is uncomfortable for both of you, you need to be the ones to open a line of communication. If you don't want to speak face to face, try electronically, by text or email. Answer what she asks, I can almost promise you it won't be graphic unless she is in a fighting mood and using the questions to try to shame you. Don't be shamed. You are adults, you are humans and therefore sexual beings. You may be doing something outside the norm, but if you are being safe and sane about it, there is no need for it to be a 'forbidden subject' even if the only thing making it forbidden is your not wanting to talk about it because of embarrassment.

 

Being untruthful to her will lead to her being untruthful to you. It could also lead to stress and freak everyone involved out. I understand that being honest could cause many of those feelings also, but at least there is communication, which leaves the door open to understanding and 'grown up' ways of handling things. And really, if you don't feel that what you are doing is something you can let those closest to you know about, even discretely, then you shouldn't be doing it.

 

I feel like I went out on a huge limb here saying my point of view, so if you disagree, just please be civil. I realize that I am young, childless and lack experience, but I just wanted to help support the daughter's side. She sounds like a hard one to live with, but it doesn't make her feelings invalid.

[Additude 457]

I still don't buy into to the thought that if someone asks you a personal question that you don't care to answer and your responce is not answering the question with the personal information, that it's considered lying. I don't buy that at all.

 

What I consider is it being polite. Rather than explaining it is none of their business.

 

Also, I have no idea why parents allow their grown children to dictate their lives. Answering personal questions is in the first place a trap. There is no reason children should interrogate parents as to where they went and who they went with.

 

One question is polite and respectful and shows friendship. Two questions is a show of curiosity. Three questions is interrogation.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

808robertr, A delayed welcome to the Swingers Board forums

 

If I may ask, what is your daughter seeing a therapist for now ? You left that out and as swinging parents, our response's may differ accordingly....

 

This is a discussion (what about our children knowing now) and quite frankly its a tough one indeed. I wanted to stay out of this one personally, because the thought of being detrimental to your daughters therapy, let alone to a great relationship you might have with your daughter if not now, someday, is at hand. If not now, she will be an adult soon. Do you want her to close the doors of communication with you, as she leaves some day ?

 

MissKay, to you I would also like to give a big welcome to the Swingers Board forums Your thoughts are to be commended. Not only for your esteemed studies, but for your empathy to see through an adolescences eyes. Sometimes as parents, we forget that.....

 

I have a feeling, you will touch many lives for the good. If not, your gonna be one hell of a good mom someday

[AuburnCpl 15]

I see no problem with a parent telling their children that something such as this is none of their business. It's called boundaries and they have to be established and respected. If it is truly causing your child harm due to stress, misunderstanding or something else like that, it's possible to talk about the fact that you're in the lifestyle without going into details. As a parent there are things that are in your life that do not need to be shared with your child. That is also a two-way street. As children get older there is less and less that is the parents' business. Who a 16-year old son/daughter is having sex with is the parents' business - who a 26 year-old son/daughter is having sex with is not. In most cases adults do not need to answer to other people regarding who they're bedding down with.

To the OP, my best suggestion is to be honest with your daughter while maintaining said boundaries. Best of luck to you and welcome to the board!

[TwoAreLooking 58]

MissKay, I just wanted to reply and let you know that I found your response to be thoughtful and thought-provoking. I and D are childless by choice, so I, too, have stayed on the sidelines of this discussion. What you wrote struck me as true, howver. Thanks.

 

M

[howie1222 33]

It's too late for this family, but for others who may face similar questions from a child in the future, please remember the response proposed by Ann Landers or Dear Abby to such a question. When someone asks you a question you do not feel is appropriate to answer, respond with a question of your own: Why on earth would you ask me a question like that? Their response can then lead to a discussion of privacy, boundaries, etc. In an interpersonal interaction, the person who is asking the questions is in control of the interaction.

 

Best wishes to all.

 

Howie

[realcplub2 513]

Greetings and welcome 808robertr, and Miss Kaye

 

While we have never been confronted directly with it, our oldest has suspected for sometime, and we are fast approaching a time when we must address it... He and his current SO have put an add up on one of the sites, and of course we have freaked out over it for the past few weeks.

 

We have been discussing it at length and are of the frame of mind, that we will cross that bridge when we come to it. We aren’t going to lie, but have an honest conversation as to what we do, and since we aren’t of the club and party sect there is little chance we will cross paths in most any capacity.

 

Now addressing the OP, As was pointed out in other posts, you mention your Daughters got other things going on, but didn’t go into detail..

 

Lets assume the issues aren’t with you and your wife, but other things.. Her reaction to the text message, may be derived from a sudden fear that infidelity may lead to a break up of the family.. despite the whole less said attitude, its time to sit her down and explain that there are NO ISSUES between you both, and again, its time for the pot to call the kettle black... how detailed you get is up to you, but remember as parents we expect our kids to do as we say not as we do.. they aren’t mentally or financially equipped for the possible consequences of recreational sex. Just explaining why its OK to share yourself, without having the feelings of love, is a daunting task.

 

Best suggestion is to keep it simple, Dont lie, and explain that the whole thing has NO EFFECT on your personal relationship.

[Additude 457]

It's too late for this family, but for others who may face similar questions from a child in the future, please remember the response proposed by Ann Landers or Dear Abby to such a question. When someone asks you a question you do not feel is appropriate to answer, respond with a question of your own: Why on earth would you ask me a question like that? Their response can then lead to a discussion of privacy, boundaries, etc. In an interpersonal interaction, the person who is asking the questions is in control of the interaction.

 

Best wishes to all.

 

Howie

 

Howie -

 

This is so true. My wife uses it consistantly and hates when someone does it back to her. Also as well, many of my past work managers.

 

It's a great tool. I forgot of it.

[Cpl2share 147]

When our boys ask us about this type of thing we just respond: "Sex, Me and Mama. Think about it, no, really think about it. Now do you want details?" That ends the discussion.

[Alura 2,774]

Why am I always outside the mainstream? While I'd certainly feel justified to use Dear Ann or Abby's retort to a neighbor I'd never tell one of my sons that something ... anything ... was "none of their business." Everything in our family is fair game for discussion. I never want one of my sons to fear asking me anything. Consequently, I'd never give one of them an "in your face" answer to any question at all.

 

Recently I'd spent eight to ten hours crawling under and out again around Twenty's car, doing pretty-much a complete rebuild of the suspension, braking and steering systems. (It drives like a new one now.) That's a pretty hard day for a seventy year old body. I was aching. Eighteen offered a back, neck and shoulder massage.

 

Of course, he knew Laura and I used to give each other massages virtually daily. He asked, "Are the massages one of the things you miss most about Mom?" he asked.

 

"I think so," I replied. "Every night at bedtime (except when she was really sick) she'd sit on my side of the bed and scratch and massage my back while we talked about the day. I miss that a lot, probably more than the sex."

 

I don't remember how he phrased the next question but it was related to our sex life.

 

"I have to tell you, Eighteen, that your Mom was a fabulous treat in all aspects of our marriage. She was such a "dream-come-true" that I'm still puzzled what wonderful deeds I must have done in a previous life to have deserved her."

 

His smile told me he fully understood. "I hope I will be as lucky," he said.

 

Alura

[djjwp 129]

Number one, be honest. What you are doing can be accepted, being lied to never will be.

 

Two, better talk to her about privacy and as she is 17, she knows the birds and bees by now and needs to be asked if she wants you in her love life. Our kids get told when asked and they get the truth. Before that happens though, they know the rules of privacy in our home as they are raised with it. I do computers and my kids know never to come around my desk to the screen without asking first, they are not permitted in our room, etc.

[Learning 160]

I thought about this post for a few days, really. My speciality is teen girls, depression. I am a LCSW with 11 years in the field. The fact of the matter that irks me the moat lately is the lack of boundaries in parent:child relationships. In my practice, I see kids burdened with the parents issues. So when initially I answered this post, I noted that I would tell the girl it's not of her business what her parents do in their personal sexual life. In tx, I would support her by exploring the feelings, disappointment, worries, fears etc. But still stress to her that your choices are yours. I might be having a different conversation with her if she was older but 16 year old girls are intelligent yet emotionally fragile at times. No matter what your daughter is going to need support and her being able to address get own feelings will be crucial. Just remember she is 16 and this lifestyle is very complicated and even adults cannot wrap their heads around what we do. My thoughts are with your family.

[realcplub2 513]

I thought about this post for a few days, really. My speciality is teen girls, depression. I am a LCSW with 11 years in the field. The fact of the matter that irks me the moat lately is the lack of boundaries in parent:child relationships. In my practice, I see kids burdened with the parents issues. So when initially I answered this post, I noted that I would tell the girl it's not of her business what her parents do in their personal sexual life. In tx, I would support her by exploring the feelings, disappointment, worries, fears etc. But still stress to her that your choices are yours. I might be having a different conversation with her if she was older but 16 year old girls are intelligent yet emotionally fragile at times. No matter what your daughter is going to need support and her being able to address get own feelings will be crucial. Just remember she is 16 and this lifestyle is very complicated and even adults cannot wrap their heads around what we do. My thoughts are with your family.

 

Excellent points, Learning

 

Let me ask, and this is our personal observation of our little corner of the world, but, it seems there are so many pre 20 somethings out there that sex and the divergences ( bi, gay, jack and jill off parties, and yes 3somes 4somes ) are almost common place. Our daughter and her friends have run the gammut of things they are doing/into. While we have been shocked on a few occasions witth what they come out with, our experiences within the lifestyle at times seem tame.

 

Is it our imaginations or is this actually becoming more common?

 

Ready for the second question? How much is this to do with the current generations attitude toward sex as opposed to that of our parents and our grandparents?

 

Sorry i know its a bit deep, but it swirled around the frontal lobe a bit since the OP

[interested-05 135]

just a thought here, at this time of the morning I may have missed something, could it be she is afraid that mom is cheating on dad and may be heading for divorce? Kids, teens included, worry about the parents splitting up and anything that upsets that balance is unsettling.

How to reassure them without spilling the beans, may be the real question

[lizandtom 512]

just a thought here, at this time of the morning I may have missed something, could it be she is afraid that mom is cheating on dad and may be heading for divorce? Kids, teens included, worry about the parents splitting up and anything that upsets that balance is unsettling.

How to reassure them without spilling the beans, may be the real question

 

Having been offline for a few days and just catching this thread, what Interested said is the key imho. With the divorce rate as high as it is, I'd bet that the real issue here is fear that mom's cheating on dad, and dad is getting or about to get really hurt in all this.

 

Very Very simple answer to solve this one. Dad has to 'man up' and talk one on one with the daughter in a quiet moment and state that, 1. what she read was private between wife and a 'friend' that both know and are comfortable with; 2. Dad knows about the text messages, and that there is nothing being done behind his back; 3. stress to daughter that mom and dad have an excellent relationship, lots of love and open communication, and being able to communicate about everything is a wonderful thing and makes for a really strong marriage; 4. vouch for the wife in that she's a wonderful person and mother, and please don't give her the cold shoulder; she's done nothing wrong and to judge her for something that you [daughter] found in mom's private messages wasn't right to begin with. You could probably leave it at that and anything more that she wants to know, she'll have to ask, but as MissKay pointed out, sex and parents are kinda 'gross' topics from a kids perspective so it may very well end there.

 

Never, ever, would we outright tell our kids "none of your business." We are all role models for our kids to a large extent; no one has to go into specifics about getting into play situations. To tell kids that you met friends for drinks and dancing and general hanging out, will undoubtedly instill more confidence in your kids over time because you've placed trust in them by communicating, rather than by giving them the cold shoulder on the topic which is more likely to give your kids the message that it's normal to keep things from people close to you, which goes against the premise of the lifestyle being very open and honest, imho.

[lvnrobbie 17]

When our son found out about us swinging with other couples we explained that we love each other very much and we have a great loving sex life together. And also we joy what we call recreational sex with others. As long as everyone agrees and enjoys having recreational sex with others then no harm.

It's kind of like when a couple goes out to dinner then goes dancing. I don't mind when other guys come and ask her to dance because I know she's going to go home with me afterwards. Of course it's like the old song says, "Save the Last dance for me.

[SAMnTINA 362]

Told our oldest kids when they were in high school as we were asked to do a TV appearence. Did not make a big deal about it. We answered their questions then and going forward. It helped that were were consistant and never said sex was bad or they should wait for marrage, we said when they were ready it was up to them and no one elses businee. We also told them that love was love and sex was not love, it's ok to have fun but remember to be safe (safty was about who, where and when in addition to desease and pregnancy) and the order of things was graduate from high school, graduate from college, get a job, get married then have children. Fun along the way was fine but it should not change the order of things.

 

All three kids have finished college, have jobs and 2 of three are married, one of the married ones has 3 kids.

 

Funny thing while they asked questions from time to time and know some of our friends, they thought we were the strange parents, The married ones no tell us we are the normal parents who whould of thought.

 

If you are ok with what you are doing a consistant with your kids things will be fine, but say do as I say not as I do and let them find out what you are telling them is diffrent than what you are doing well don't expect good things to come from that.

[MrandMrsA 76]

 

Of course, he knew Laura and I used to give each other massages virtually daily. He asked, "Are the massages one of the things you miss most about Mom?" he asked.

 

"I think so," I replied. "Every night at bedtime (except when she was really sick) she'd sit on my side of the bed and scratch and massage my back while we talked about the day. I miss that a lot, probably more than the sex."

 

I don't remember how he phrased the next question but it was related to our sex life.

 

"I have to tell you, Eighteen, that your Mom was a fabulous treat in all aspects of our marriage. She was such a "dream-come-true" that I'm still puzzled what wonderful deeds I must have done in a previous life to have deserved her."

 

His smile told me he fully understood. "I hope I will be as lucky," he said.

 

Alura

 

Alura,

 

I have read many of your posts on this website, and one thing that always comes through with your words is the love you HAVE for your your Laura.

 

Often I have read your posts and find my eyes welling with tears. I hope you realize what a mentor you are to not only people in the lifestyle, but to people in all relationships.

 

We have a lot to learn from your wisdom.

 

Peace.

[Alura 2,774]

Thank you beyond words, MrandMrsA.

 

It's been ten years since Laura's death. I have to admit I've never recovered fully. Oh, I function well but the pain is still there. Even so, the joys our years together are still in my heart every day. On the evening before she died, Laura and I promised to meet at Crazy Horse's tipi in the Happy Hunting Ground. While I look forward to it, I've still a lot to accomplish here on Earth. I spend most days writing or editing what I've written. So far, two novels and a number of short stories, both fictional and true, are behind me. I don't expect a Pulitzer or Nobel. While I copyright my efforts, I plan to publish nothing while I live.

 

"The Boys" both graduated from universities with honors and are on their own, living out of Oklahoma, and headed for a bright future. The younger (Twenty-eight) is in a relationship that will likely lead to marriage. Thirty says he's too young for marriage. At his age, I'd have said the same. (I was 42 when Laura and I married.)

 

When I write something on this Board, I always hope I connect with someone. Y'all have showed me my efforts are not in vain. I'm grateful.

 

Alura