I felt bad as I could not perform as well as I would have liked

[exploringRM 305]

I could not think of a good concise title, but I'll curious how much "drama" (no matter how small) you are willing to take.

 

We've been swinging for a little over a year, probably been with about 16 couples. For the most part we've never encountered any issues. There's been a few were we didn't want to do a repeat performance but mostly due to the encounter just being ok.

 

Last April we met a couple though mutual friends, at a house party. We hit it off well and played that evening. They live about 5+ hours away so we don't see them too often. Last June we invited them down to our house to spend the weekend. We have a fun time, playing Friday & Saturday.

 

We've been trying since then to get together but things just have not worked out, until this past weekend we met them at a lifestyle club on Friday night. We then spent Saturday evening at a mountain cabin. This was 4 hours from our house.

 

Friday night we played at the club...we all had a good time. My play partner had 3 orgasms. On Saturday, I (the male) was tired..long drive, some wine, up late the night before, etc. So when play time came that evening I was not bringing my A game. I was able to maintain an erection for a while, but got tired. My play partner does seem to find it hard to have an orgasm and can only have one in specific position, reverse cowgirl with a lot of movement. I did fine the night before but could not keep it "up" for the duration. I did finger her and she got off that way. She then performed oral sex on me and I was enjoying it..semi-hard but on my way to cumming. In the middle of that she left saying she needs more and went to her husband to have him do her. But he was just finishing up with my wife, as she still interrupted them (they were in the living room, us in one of the cabin bedrooms).

 

So it was a very strange situation. I felt bad as I could not perform as well as I would have liked. My wife was feeling a little odd due to the interuption. We did make a little lite of the situation as I have just turned 50 and I said..I'm 50 now..bound to happen.

 

The next morning at breakfast things were fine, but seemed a little strained. My wife talked the husband from the other couple today on the phone and he thought that his wife was not that happy that we were finished but they were still playing. (I'm not sure if that was his take on the situation or if he and his wife talked about it).

 

Another fact is that this couple has been swinging for a long time, not newbies.

 

Sorry for the long story..lol...but I'm just not happy with the situation. I'm just not sure, if we get together again, I'm going to be into really into the play session due to what happened. I'm not really upset about just, just a nagging thing. Snd I know we are don't take one for the team, but my wife really enjoys the male half of the other couple.

 

I guess I'm looking for opinions on what you would do in this situation.

[VegasLee 1,486]

I personally would not worry about it and go on with fun and life.

 

If you two are really into this other couple then continue to party with them and do the best you can, that is all anyone can ask.

 

Maybe don't drink as much when partying, that tend to make the next day easier for us "mature" folks.

 

If she tends to be this way then she would not be someone that I would want to keep seeing. You have had other fun times with them and this time she acted in a way that I would not have found attractive but maybe it was just that time, maybe not.

 

Don't over think it all. Will make you nuts and that is not what this is about.

 

Take some time and if you feel like it, get together with them again or move on and find more fun people.

[The Fuse 1,012]

If someone is going to be that demanding and stress over whether you're done before her husband, she's thinking too much in my opinion. If it were me, it would only be a problem if there were a pattern of less-than-satisfactory encounters. And hell, you were a stud on Friday night, and could play a decent amount on Saturday night. Expecting that last 10% all the time is overly demanding, in my opinion.

 

Why do you have to do anything? Just let it go. If you want to see them again, wait a while and ask them, and see what happens. If you don't, then it doesn't matter.

[exploringRM 305]

We have many couples that we have fun with..so always time for more fun people, new and old. And yeah, I may be overthinking it, but that's what I do.

 

I think the lack of performance was a culmination of things, not just some wine. We were just sitting around the cabin...watching a concert video...I probably would have done better if we were out. Not sure why but if I sit at "home" i get tired..if I'm out I can party longer.

 

Due to the distance it will be some time before we see them again so perhaps the lag will make things better as well.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

If she tends to be this way then she would not be someone that I would want to keep seeing. You have had other fun times with them and this time she acted in a way that I would not have found attractive but maybe it was just that time, maybe not.

 

Same here. I would have had a problem with her leaving you and going to interrupt her husband and your wife's fun since she "needed more." That sounds very self-centered to me since she basically was willing to screw up the evening for three people to make sure she got what she wanted. Being self-centered is an absolute deal killer with me. I just prefer not to be around people like that, and like you would have a hard time getting into it with her again. I'd probably just move on.

[exploringRM 305]

well I do have an update. A little history first. This couple does not have a computer, so we have kept in touch via cell phone. This was at their request. I talk to the other woman, wife talks to her husband. I do similar conversations with online swing friends via email and chat as well. She and he do talk more..I'm not much of a phone person and also tend to be tied up with something most of the time. And my wife enjoyed talking to him. I do most of the online contact with people except for a few that wife talks to on facebook (close swing friends).

 

So my wife had left a message or two on his phone this week..innocent and his wife left a message for my wife to not call again. So I guess there was some undercurrent there. There's a few other issues on their end that I don't want to get into here but nothing to do with us. That may have compounded the problem.

 

It's odd, this other couple were always looking to meet with us so it's not like we pressured them into things. But perhaps the push to meet was more driven by him? Don't know.

[exploringRM 305]

Well heck, another update and perhaps this behavior is not new..lol. My wife and I were discussing this situation tonight and she reminded me that the first time we played with this couple (at a house party), we were in separate rooms. Very soon after the other wife and I were finished, she went into the other room where my wife and her husband were playing and flipped on the light..sort of turned into a distraction. I had forgotten all about that!!

 

So unless something changes, I don't think we'll be playing again. We may still see them in the future as we have a mutual friend close to us, where we first met them.

[ALilOEverything 901]

I think it just boils down to you just don't ever know what's going through the mind of other people. When I first read the situation you posted I started to feel bad because I put myself into the shoes of the other lady and thought "wow, I did that same thing". But after you posted more I do realize I did it for very different reasons that felt very legitimate to me at the time (and still does). I was made to feel bad that the husband was having performance problems and just felt like I needed out of the situation and it was better to return to my husband. I think what happened up with the couple you're describing is very different. You may never know exactly what happened.

 

It's easy to say that things like this happen and you just need to move on, but I know how it can affect you when things don't go the way you thought they should have. I know I analyze how I should have seen something coming or how could I have prevented this. Hopefully you'll find more suitable playmates later on down the road.

[PB&J 1,086]

Well, having just been through a similar huh?? what happened there?? experience, isn't the best part that you and your wife get to discuss it together as a team? That's what I found.

 

And yeah... moving on... it happens. It would be nice if some other people didn't act like they do, but they do. Luckily lots of other people out there are great.

[sweet_tna 680]

After reading your initial post, I mini red flag went up in the back of my head that the other lady left you to interrupt your wife and her hubby. And I was beginning to chalk that up to her being frustrated and just wanting to reconnect with hubby. UNTIL I read the part about her being upset that the hubby and wife were still playing. Then the flag got bigger.

 

Obviously, your subsequent posts have solidified that niggling feeling that something was rotten in the state of Denmark. (Always trust your gut)

 

While I'm sorry it happened to ya', at least you had some good times while it lasted.

 

=)

[realcplub2 513]

Rm, In this vast world, there are all sorts of people... And thru the course of our lives we run up against all sorts.. Some nice, some not so nice.. Some greedy, some willing to share anything and everything.. You have encountered the negative side of people that any other time may be nearly saintly..

 

Just as you had issues the second night that led to what should have been a pleasant and enjoyable expereince by all, I would say IMHO, the wife was having issues that occured between night one and the final evening. Who can say what was going on between them..

 

So, all that having been said.. Pull your pants up, and move on to the next

 

Forget about thier issues..

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

sounds like good riddance to me. 5 hours away, and demanding - just too much trouble.

[TwoAreLooking 58]

We played twice with a couple that suddenly went cold on us. Didn't want to be social, didn't want any contact, just: done.

 

We liked them a lot, and we thought they liked us. We have our own theory on what went south (wifely jelousy), but hey. It's done. Oh, well. We did mourn the connection a little. I'm thinking that's normal...

 

M

[exploringRM 305]

As far as mourning the loss, yeah maybe we will a little, but no so much after the whole thing. I would feel worse had we thought we did something inappropriate. And due to the distance that was the third time in a little less than a year we have seen them, so not tons of history. There's other couples we see a number of times a month (not that we play that much, but alot in social settings) that we would miss much more.

 

And another aspect of the lifestyle we understand is that people come and go for a variety of reasons.

[Swing*8701 887]

The truth is when things do not make sense you're missing a key piece of information. Sometimes you just have to accept that you'll never really know, which is very difficult, especially if your a puzzle solver like I am. And, even if you find out the reason, it may not make any sense at all. We're a very strange species at times.-- Susan

[fredsgirl 40]

I agree with alot of the other people, she sounds pretty selfish to me. Sounds like you did all you could. She should have done the same. Sex isn't just penetration, remember we all have tongues and fingers, sometimes that is more exciting. Maybe you could remain friends with them, but I wouldn't swing with them again. Their loss!

[exploringRM 305]

I agree with alot of the other people, she sounds pretty selfish to me. Sounds like you did all you could. She should have done the same. Sex isn't just penetration, remember we all have tongues and fingers, sometimes that is more exciting. Maybe you could remain friends with them, but I wouldn't swing with them again. Their loss!

 

After the message she left on my wife's phone I don't think my wife wants to maintain any type of contact. We do have mutual friends, so we'll be nice if we happen to see them.

[Vjklander 138]

Well, if you have heard of emotional vampires, maybe she is just a sexual vampire. She doesn't really care about anyone else. As long as she is getting hers, fine. If she doesn't, she goes all Cleopatra. I'd just drop them. Sorry, well, not even sorry, just don't need the drama.

[SaSsyNsWeEt 41]

We have found that a simple way to keep this situation from happening is for all 4 to play on the same bed, or in the same room, at the same time. That way you and your partner can have a signal of some sort if things just aren't going right, and one couple wont "finish" before the others. Best of luck!!

[qreskupl7476 137]

Happens to the best of us, I wouldn't sweat it. If she does, then I would say, as someone else mentioned, she's thinking too much. She'll either get over it or die pissed, no reason for you to get all uptight about it or you'll risk making the problem worse. It was likely a one time thing, and it sounds to me like you had a good excuse. I'm a lot younger than you are and I'm not on my A game all the time either. Not even with my wife, let alone with playmates when the pressure level is considerably higher. We all have our good and bad days, I say chalk it up as one of the bad ones and move on to more that are good bro.

 

On a side note, I think things like this happen as a result of having the "wrong" attitude, and I think that's the case with the gal in question. My wife and I swing in order to add to what WE have, not because we're looking for something better, or even equal, only different. We've ran into people that ARE looking for replacements, or at least that show every outward sign of such, and we're gradually learning as we become more experienced, how to see and avoid such situations. Swinging to us is just foreplay, something to get us that much more revved up for each other later. That's not to say that we haven't had some good times with playmates, but that attitude keeps us from feeling pressured, or putting pressure on, anyone that we choose to play with. If a playmate is doing an awesome job, then great. If a playmate is having a bad night but tries anyway, great. Either way we know that when we get home we'll have plenty to talk about and chalk it up as another great adventure in our naughty little secret. We leave the "bad" list for the times that caused serious drama. Fortunately there hasn't been a lot of those.

[LOL_OMG 130]

I may be overthinking it, but that's what I do.

 

Oh hunny we have so done that many times. Meet a couple over drinks...have a great time...plan to meet again, and never see them again. Meet up with a couple and play, everyone is attracted to each other and have a great time...and it's kind of over. We're like... what the hell did we do?

 

Basically it comes down to not thinking about it. If it didn't work for them for whatever reason (maybe she got a corn on her toe and thinks maybe you saw it!) it's all good. The best part is finding a couple who fit that niche you're looking for...whatever it may be. It's not as easy as it sounds

 

Mrs.

[exploringRM 305]

My wife did wind up talking to the other husband this past week. He had no idea his wife called my wife, and apparently they were at odds with each other over the whole thing. It is what we though, that the other wife just does not like it when her husband has more (perceived) fun than her.

 

My wife explained to the other guy that we are in this for fun, not looking to find replacements and are also not looking to be involved in stress/drama as that is not fun! The way we left it is that we will not play as couples anymore, perhaps at a house party (we have mutual friends), my wife and he might get together provided his wife has fun as well. I don't think I want to play with the other woman, just can't past the whole thing in my mind and no sexual turn-on anymore.

[qreskupl7476 137]

Been there too, it sucks, but it's reality for some people. We should all take it as a lesson, selfish behavior runs the risk of ripping someone else's mojo out and stomping on it. It doesn't accomplish anything, except maybe making asses of ourselves or cheating ourselves out of a good time. Life's too short to take so seriously, just kick back and enjoy the ride I say.

 

You're not the one missing out, she is.

 

Mr. Q

[snapps 78]

Good story. I wouldnt think too much on it, as you said you are 50, was bound to happen sooner rather than later. Let the good times roll!