Profile Pics - Couples without pics of their Husband or Male S.O.

[ACuriousDuo 46]

Hello all,

 

Hope this doesn't sound a little "ranty" but... here goes.

 

My wife and I have recently put up a very "curious for now" profile on a site and are starting to look at couples and... we have a question.

 

Why do so many of the profiles out there show no pics and/or have very limited descriptions of their men-folk? It's often "she's 36-24-36 and has sexy long legs, beautiful eyes, and a great smile; he's got a great personality and loves to laugh."

 

Okay maybe that was extreme, but just making the point...

 

*Chuckle* We love great personalities... and believe we would value the chemistry factor outside of sex to an extent, but what we both really want is to have some physical attraction first. I mean... this is about sex, right?

 

We look through profile after profile and there will very often (on the majority of the profiles or so it seems) be a pic of the hot lady in various sultry poses and provocative attire, usually without a face pic (and that's totally understandable), but we'd have to say that there's typically not even a torso shot of the male, and very often a VERY limited description of him. She's just wanting a glimpse of the guy before she's even curious about them. She's not Bi, although she enjoys the look of a hot lady, and thinks about the possible pleasure of enjoying the touch of one, she is more (almost strictly) interested in the male first. We're thinking the same types of thoughts, that possibly the man in the profile is not as easy on the eyes as his lady is, and because of that the profilers are attempting to attract on the basis of those sexy lady legs that are their default picture. Or the male is maybe in a high-profile job and doesn't want anyone to recognize a tattoo or a shirt he wore at the office? Perhaps it's because a large majority of the profiles indicate a Bisexual female and are hoping on mutual attraction based on her gorgeous backside?

 

We really don't know... and don't want to assume.

 

So... what's the reasoning behind that trend? We'd rather ask you guys than keep wondering. It's a show-stopper for us more often than not.

 

The profiles that have caught both of our interests have a couple torso shot, or if they're less concerned with anonymity, have posted full pictures of both members, or both of them with just the faces blotted out, or even those without pics that have what seem to be accurate descriptions of both of them, as in, equal treatment.

 

We're learning... teach us oh wise ones. The underlying tone here from both of us is... we need to see your man! Please?

 

Anyone else have similar thoughts or a feel for the reasoning behind this?

[mikeandjenn2001 77]

For us, we post both of our faces. We try to be discreet about our activities, but let's face it, if you're overly discreet about something, you may as well not be involved in it.

 

For the profiles that we come across with only pictures of the females, we pass them by, but that's just our preference. Our way of thinking is why are you going to hide your face, but put your wife's out there. For the people that do contact us with only pictures of her, we ask to see not only pictures of him, but both of them together.

[Willing29 66]

This has been discussed in many threads here and is a pet peeve of ours as well. Either the guy is not attractive which is of no interest to the Mrs or it's someone just looking for pics to whack off to. If the guy is in a high profile job, i.e. Mayor, NJ Governor, US Senator, etc, then he shouldn't be on any sites like this. Our profile clearly states that if you don't have at least on pic of the guy (face pic not required) don't even bother contacting us as your mail will be deleted without even a reply. The Mrs deserves to be able to see something of the guy before we arrange any sort of meeting. I just don't get it that someone thinks we will want to waste time meeting without even showing something. I mean we are out there so why not them as well.

[The Fuse 1,012]

There are many threads on here that discuss this very subject, and I can never resist responding to one. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. There are many explanations I can think of for why people don't post any pictures of their male halves, but none of them are good reasons in my opinion.

 

In short, sometimes the guy looks like Shrek, and that's why his picture isn't up. BUT... I am surprised by how many times after we see his pictures, he's actually an attractive guy. It makes me want to scream, "Why didn't you just put his picture up in the first place?" So, we have learned not to assume.

 

Usually, we don't make first contact with couples like this online. But sometimes they write to us, and the response is always the same. We ask for pictures of the guy, saying we would like to see body type for both halves of a couple. Then sometimes they will send one that just shows down to his shoulders, and no further. Then they get ignored. Or, then they want to send it to our cell phone. No, you're not getting my number yet!

 

As if you couldn't tell, I find this aggravating. You're not alone.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We also wonder why this is. We have read many profiles that state "we only play together". If this is the case, why are there so many profiles with pics of the female only? Don't these couples know that there has to be a mutual attraction between both couples before a meet is made? That is why we are only interested in meeting couples at house parties or clubs. That way we can meet them both and make a decision then.

[Trace Ekies 186]

This "crime" baffles us as well.

 

We try not to be judgemental but we need and want to meet people who fit our basic criteria for play partners.

 

Like Fuse...we're tired of being attracted to her and then finding that she's married to Shrek...

 

On that note...how is it Shrek is such a ladies man and gets the hot chick?

 

We don't have but a couple of me on our public profile but it's enough to get the idea that I'm not built like Shrek. I'm green but not round.

 

The frustration is felt here and we work everday to overcome our want to block and delete...we'd hate to miss someone fun.

 

Trace

[lardub 170]

Yes it is a pain truth be told we have many more pictures of the Mrs than of myself I simply am the one taking pics all the time and unfortunate but she is more times than not the focus of my shutter bugging. We do have pics of myself and her together and separate on our profiles just she may outnumber me.

We still don't understand why once contact is made some couples still don't have a decent pic of the male half yet nine times outta ten it is the male half making contact..

[fun4Ds 1,098]

ACuriousDuo, could you come forth with a link to your profile showing us as an example of how the male half, could be presented in a couples profile ?

 

 

Fun4ds

[ACuriousDuo 46]

Thanks all for the responses... didn't mean to start a rant session but this is obviously a sore spot for many folk. We were just... well... curious if there was a logical reason behind it since it seems to be almost the norm. We were looking at profiles to get ideas on how to develop ours and well... that question came up and I thought what better way to get an answer than to ask the experienced community on swinger's board? I tried to make it humorous! Not ranty. Emotions stirred though didn't they? I searched in the forums for various combinations of the words profile and pics and male pics, etc., but didn't find anything immediately and time was short for me and the lack of immediate search hits made me think the topic was null and that perhaps it may indeed be the norm or that there was some reason behind it; my apologies, perhaps I should have delved deeper and waited until I had more time. I typically research things to the Nth degree. Otherwise I sure wouldn't have started a new thread.

 

Fun4Ds, that sounded almost like a challenge. Forgive me if I perceived it that way. I will say that we JUST put a profile up. And well... that's just it, we don't have any pics up yet because the ones we have have backgrounds in them of places our vanilla friends, work colleagues, etc. might recognize, or we're wearing outfits we wear often. There seems to be differing opinions on the topic of discretion but we've decided to try and keep our potential swinger journeys separate from our vanilla social circle but take somewhat of a risk by posting a profile that will describe us enough so that other couples with like mindsets can judge if they want to contact us or not, but leave out things like hobbies or too detailed of descriptions (things that are distinctive to us descriptively) until we get to know a potential couple a little better. We are planning on a pic taking session for both of us soon within a motel room, or with an outside background that will be somewhat generic. We have a decent camera with a timer and a tripod. As far as for pics of the male half, I (the male half) have a couple of nice torso only shots of my chest, cropping off the face (but again, because of the background we decided we won't be using those). Meanwhile Fun4Ds, for example, we have seen a few where the couple is standing side by side and they have blocked out their faces, or have cut off the heads. Nice. At least you can get an idea, right?

 

We plan on having, on Swing Lifestyle, 2 of each alone and 2 of us together, with facial discretion, meaning we will photoshop or paint out the faces, or crop out the heads entirely. We just bought a membership to Swing Lifestyle but when we think "what do WE want to see" as a basis for how to develop our own profile, this is all input we'll take into consideration. For an unpaid member, the limit is 6 public pics for viewing, because of that the 6 pics I mentioned should be sufficient to give viewers an idea before they do or don't contact us. So... when that photo project gets completed, I'll be glad to post a link to our profile. For now, there's not much there to see other than a glaring neon sign that says to everyone "Wow... these folk are greener than anyone on here" LOL... but we're working on it.

 

Again, sorry for rubbing a sore spot, we really were just trying to understand why 8 out of 10 profiles (a made up statistic based on our own perception were like that.

 

Remember, we are such newbies that everything makes us curious. I asked, the forum spoke, we get it. We're not alone in our thoughts, we won't down anyone who doesn't have a male pic up (we just won't continue contact if they won't share and we'll politely say 'no thank you'), and we'll develop our profile based on the question of "What do we like to see?"

 

Have a great day everyone and thanks again for all the input!

 

- A journeying and curious couple with few answers and LOTS of questions.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Didn't mean to be challenging.... Sometimes I cant spell what I mean

 

We are ready to update our pictures and thought you could lead by example. You would be surprised what we learn from new members

 

For the most part we only want people to be able to recognize us for a meet, and would be happy to open our pics on Swing Lifestyle anytime to anyone on the SB....

 

 

Fun4ds

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

When it comes down to it the whole pictures issue is an issue, and a common one. If you are going to expect something from others, you have to be willing to give what you expect... that's pretty much what it boils down to. If you are going to say "we won't reply if you don't have pics of both" then you should have pics of both (whether public or not is another story). Even if all your pics are private you can still share them when and if you see fit. That's the key to those pics you worry about being identifiable. Don't make them public. It's better to have one picture of both of you available that you can open and share with others you are interested in getting to know better than to have none at all... or to have one of just him (IMO)... or two (one of each of your genitals).

[YZF 8]

If anything, our profile pics are more than likely to have me in them than Mrs. YZF. She would rather send her pic out privately though she will allow me to post pics with her face blurred out.

 

I feel that if my pic does not repulse anyone, what she looks like will be of little consequence.

[SoFlaCp 85]

Funny - we just turned down another couple for this exact same issue. A very nice looking lady was posted all over the private gallery and there was one grainy, shaded picture of her and a guy from chin up and that was it. Nice profile too.

 

We have this scenario too frequently and have even thought of adding in a a very blunt and direct warning to our profile beyond what we already have (Face & body pictures of both, please. Clothed is fine...). We usually ask politely for pics of both, and if all we get is the same crappy "pic" or nothing - we decline. Seems unfair as pics can be a poor representation of folks, but this is one "rule of engagement (ROE)" we choose to stick with. We take it that they are not serious or honestly have something to hide - and we are not interested in finding out what that "secret" treasure may be

[Chicup 41]

Reasons you don't see the men.

 

1 - They are not very attractive.

2 - They are paranoid being outed by a co-worker, men often have more contacts.

3 - They just assume, like them, that men are the ones who do the profile stuff and think they are talking to other straight men.

 

Reasons you don't see women in a profile.

 

1- Shes hideous.

[exploringRM 305]

Reasons you don't see the men.

 

1 - They are not very attractive.

2 - They are paranoid being outed by a co-worker, men often have more contacts.

3 - They just assume, like them, that men are the ones who do the profile stuff and think they are talking to other straight men.

 

Reasons you don't see women in a profile.

 

1- Shes hideous.

2- It's a guy hiding behind a couple's profile

[PB&J 1,086]

2- It's a guy hiding behind a couple's profile

 

Nah, they usually steal a female pic from another profile, or a porn site!

[Willing29 66]

Our profile has it always clearly stated,

"Please if you take the time to contact us be willing to share your photos up front without us having to ask. Also if you are a couple we expect to see a couple not just pictures of the female half, face pics are not required but we would like something for Mrs. Willing to see".

 

And we still receive mail from people who either don't open their pics or only show the female half. I usually don't like to just delete mail without a response but when someone says they read and liked it, it shows they didn't read too far. Thus I have no issue with a simple delete!

[NCfuncouple98 367]

I'm with others on this, I absolutely HATE when there is not a single picture of the male half. While Mr NC may hate his photo being taken, we did take the time to take a few shots and load them on SLS. How could I ask others for pics if I didn't share them?

 

And honestly the time it takes going back and forth to even ask for pictures has become such a waste. We don't email pictures at all, we only use the sites.

 

I don't typically contact any couples with no pictures of the male half. If they contact us that's our first request. If they don't have pictures to share (don't have to be faces), we move on.

[interested-05 135]

The origional poster makes a couple good points regarding a description of the couple and lack of pics.

regarding the lack of photos thats simply my wifes insistance of no photos on a swing site. As long as she feels that way, thats the way it is. On the one hand it is probably safer to hvae private pics on the website, but should someone hack into the site then post them to the vanilla world, well thats her fear. When we share them by email, its still a risk but she worries less about it.

you make one very good point regarding descriptions, we never really gave that much thought. WE will have to give some serious thought on how to do that. If we had perfect bodies it would be easy. Since we have a few extra pounds, how do you really present a reasonably atttractive and honest physical description. Guess i should have paid more attention in creative writing, lol.

What we do when looking at profiles, just to get a rough idea on a couple before rejecting them entirely is based only on age, height weight proportionate, profile, and general attitude of the poster. Which is not much to go on.

Thanks for bringing up the question. Think we will at least try to make some changes regarding our physical descriptions, you made a very good point.

[exploringRM 305]

Regarding pic stealing and risk of posting somewhere else, just put up G rated pics. At least people get and idea of what you look like. If someone finds you on the site you can be a little embarrased and say..we were just interested in things...never did anything, etc. And if there are R rated pics then hide the face in case they do escape really can pin it on you.

 

I have found that written descriptions never really match the person. People are either shy about promoting themselves or over estimate their appearance and everyone has a different view on what is attractive.

[ACuriousDuo 46]

Since we have a few extra pounds, how do you really present a reasonably atttractive and honest physical description. Guess i should have paid more attention in creative writing, lol.

 

Well, to us, honesty is SEXY. We've been looking at a few couples here and there and neither of them are exactly perfectly HWP. But because they provide equal treatment to both partners, it is attractive! They're nice looking, not movie stars, but genuine! And that, to us, is sexier than anything out there.

 

If people have a lack of attractiveness due to your extra pounds, they'll find a match elsewhere. Meanwhile, you will too!

 

Skinny or fat, neither is "all that." LOL.

[ACuriousDuo 46]

Regarding pic stealing and risk of posting somewhere else, just put up G rated pics. At least people get and idea of what you look like. If someone finds you on the site you can be a little embarrased and say..we were just interested in things...never did anything, etc.

 

Good advice. The one couple we keep looking at over and over again are cute as can be and have NOTHING but nice day-to-day pics of them going about their lives. They look and sound amazing.