If performance issues arise, should the foursome stop.....

[breakfast4four 15]

If two couples are playing and one of the guys has problems getting or staying hard, should everything stop for the purpose of allowing the ladies to assist the male in need of some assistance? Or should the couple having no issues be allowed to continue while the other couple attempt to save the evening?

 

In my mind, I feel (and have in the past with my own spouse) come over and either played with the female (which in my experience gets all the men worked up lol) or offered to help my husband along with things I know he definitely enjoys. I never leave him until I know he's 'good to go' and if I can't arouse him then I will beg of on some alone time to reassess the situation and be certain he's interested in trying again or calling it a night.

 

I ask because recently this situation occurred for us. Unfortunately, even though my husband was fully aware that something was amiss on our bed in the hotel room, he was enjoying himself so much with the other lady he simply could not stop to address mine obvious situation. Also, I was a bit disappointed in the other female as I would never put another male above the needs of my own husband. My husband feels awful that he didn't stop and check in. But it got me wondering. What does everyone else normally do in this situation???

[mikeandjenn2001 77]

We've run into this issue as well. It's a hard fact to face when it happens, but we usually go back to each other and have our own fun. If the other couple wants to stay and watch or touch, they are welcome to.

[The Fuse 1,012]

This almost never happens to Mr. Fuse -- I think it's happened twice in all the encounters we've had -- but both times I went over to help out with a bit of oral for him. If it's just a momentary thing and there's no underlying issue, that works fine.

 

On occasion it has happened to my play partners. I always try oral on them too, but mostly if a guy is having issues I just relax and kiss and caress and have pillow talk. If Mr. Fuse and the other lady are having fun, I wouldn't want to interrupt. Plus, no guy wants his performance issues to become the focus of all four people in the room. I doubt there would be a better way to ensure lack of wood.

 

Sometimes a guy is dehydrated and simply won't get an erection, if he's had a few drinks and not enough water. (Of course, sometimes people will have too much to drink, but that hasn't been the case with the people we've played with.) Sometimes there's too much going on in the room, and a separate room does the trick. One guy in our past never got an erection that lasted more than two minutes until our third play date, when we decided to go bareback, and then... boing! So it was all in his head, ha ha ha.

 

So I guess I have a little bit of a double standard. If it happens to Mr. Fuse and I'm in a position to help, I help. If it happens to my partner I just relax and enjoy whatever is happening, and don't worry about what's not. I don't think the other lady has come over when it's happened, but I can only remember once that it's happened in the same room.

[exploringRM 305]

Our experience has been similar to that posted by The Fuse. Though I (male) HAVE had a few performance issues. Never been in a situation where my wife came over the help get things back on track, swing partner would take care of that. We both have the feeling that if the other is having fun..then great. For us it's never been where things have to be equal all of the time. Sometimes I have more fun, sometimes she. Over time it all evens out.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Mrs. Diggs and I have stated in another thread that almost all of her play encounters, until recently (you know who you are if you are reading this ) have all had performance issues of some nature. Some were able to overcome them to some degree but getting to the specific question.

 

Our answer is "no" play should definitely not stop. If I have issues, which I haven't had in awhile thanks to the wonderful invention of ED drugs I would spend all of that 'lazy' time trying to please the other Mrs. I don't know too many girls that will say no to lots of extra oral playtime .... keeping in mind that you don't over stimulate to the point where they become to sensitive.

 

If the Mrs. is bi then do some 4 way play on the bed or let her join in for some FMF action. If it comes up then you can always get back into the action but there is plenty you can do that doesn't require a hard on to make the night eventful and fun.

[YZF 8]

Mrs. YZF and Quita (our live in third) are both jeans, sneakers and t-shirts kind of girls around the house. Once it is time for bed or are just lounging they wear sports bras or a tank top with jammie bottoms. When we play with others they wear their Victorias Secret, heels and the like. 95% of the time they are the hottest women there. If any male is going to have performance issues banging either of those two, he is pretty much beyond help!

 

On the rare occassion that performance issue raise (or FAIL to raise in the case of swinging) their head, both Quita and Mrs. YZF see it as a challenge and try to help.

[good times 991]

On occasion it has happened to my play partners. I always try oral on them too, but mostly if a guy is having issues I just relax and kiss and caress and have pillow talk.

This is the best thing to do, in my opinion, almost always works to relax the guy and let things get going naturally.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

If performance issues arise, should the foursome stop.....

 

No. I don't think that is the best way to handle it.

 

If I were the person having performance issues, I would feel awful if the other three people stopped what they were doing and everyone focused on "my problem."

 

If I was playing with a man and his wife was having a great time with my husband, I'd not want his wife to come to his rescue. I'd not want his wife to stop having fun with my husband. I'd not want his wife coming to take care of her husband for me. I'd not want to see my husband's play end with her because she left him to help her husband get hard.

 

If I saw that my husband was having trouble getting erect, I know it would embarrass him if I came over to try to "get it up" for him. I'd never push his playmate aside or butt in to "fix things" (even in tandem with her) because that wouldn't feel right to me.

 

LM

[YZF 8]

The only time we ever had to deal with performance issues was when a couple was over and when we had been chatting and talking on the phone before meeting they had been all excited about the husband exploring his "curious" side. This was something they had not done before and one of the reasons they had showed an interest in us was because I was bi and willing to accomodate him.

 

It may have been nerves, shyness or whatever, but he could not perform. Mrs. YZF joined in and still nothing. But when his wife joined in he performed no problem. In the back of his head, he had doubts that she would approve but once she evaporated those doubts by taking part, so did his performance issues.

[VegasLee 1,486]

We don't tend to party with couples that often but when we do if I am having a problem I would not expect Laura and the others to stop the play because of me or for her to come back to me to get things going. She is not my keeper and not responsible for me or my actions or lack there of.

 

We are all there to have fun, we would make the best of it.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

If performance issues arise, should the foursome stop.....

 

No. I don't think that is the best way to handle it.

 

If I were the person having performance issues, I would feel awful if the other three people stopped what they were doing and everyone focused on "my problem."

 

If I was playing with a man and his wife was having a great time with my husband, I'd not want his wife to come to his rescue. I'd not want his wife to stop having fun with my husband. I'd not want his wife coming to take care of her husband for me. I'd not want to see my husband's play end with her because she left him to help her husband get hard.

 

If I saw that my husband was having trouble getting erect, I know it would embarrass him if I came over to try to "get it up" for him. I'd never push his playmate aside or butt in to "fix things" (even in tandem with her) because that wouldn't feel right to me.

 

LM

 

 

I have to agree here. However, if it were my husband and he felt it wasn't going to be corrected I'm fairly sure at some point he would request to switch back to our own partners and see if we could get it fixed.

 

I think everyone focusing on the one guys "problem" is just likely to make it a bigger problem.

[SaSsyNsWeEt 41]

We have experienced this many many times. We often joke by calling ourselves "newbie magnates" because all of the couples we have even swapped with have all been very very new to the lifestyle. As a result, the other males I have been with have always had an issue with their penis in some way or another. It is best to keep in mind that these problems are common and happen to everyone. We find that it helps to tell the other couple, before anything happens, that problems may arise (or not arise! haha) so they know what to expect. Also as the female it is important to not just think about yourself. He is just as upset about not being able to preform as you are that he can't. Reassure him that it is ok, that he just needs to relax, and tell him there are other things he could do to please you. If all else fails, they sell male enhancement pills over the counter and popping one of those may help! Best of luck!

[ALilOEverything 901]

My husband has never had a problem but I've been on the receiving end numerous times.

 

I've tried many tricks and I spend a significant amount of time trying to get things going again without disruption to my husband and the other woman. It depends on the reaction of the guy I'm with to how quickly it will wear on me.

 

If he takes it okay and just makes the most of it I'm good and we just have a lot of soft play and the experience is still a positive one.

 

A negative (attitude wise) reaction from the guy will make me feel done. I've tried to keep going to not interrupt my husband and the other woman but then I feel like I'm taking one for the team. I've left crying a couple times in these situations. I won't do that any longer. If the guy is having a negative reaction to it then I think our other halves need to be aware that he's having issues and switch back or find another way to mix it up, at least for awhile.

 

So just like anything other issues, it depends on the specifics of the situation. If you're the guy having problems, even if you're frustrated just keep calm about it and be as positive as you can. If you have some ideas of what she can do to help, let her know, but don't make her think it's her fault. One time I was offered a massage after we gave up and I was done with receiving oral. That was wonderful! Taking that pressure away was exactly what we both needed. What was amazing it really allowed him to relax and after rubbing my body for awhile his problem seemed to go away.

[Gordo 618]

It happened to me once when the lady (unknown to me) was so drunk she was a complete turn off. It was like trying to make love to a marine drill sergeant.... do this... do that. Then she passed out:

 

What I found awkward was breaking into my wife and her hubby in the next room. Things were rolling along quite noisily there and I kept waiting for a break to knock on the door. It didn't come so I eventually just waited till it was all over.

 

But I must confess I always felt like I took one for the team that night. Once I was back with my wife nooo problem. I realized later I was completely disgusted with the woman and that created the lack of performance.

 

But it does make me wonder just how do you "politely" interrupt???

[breakfast4four 15]

Thanks to everyone for replying. I certainly appreciate that everyone will react to this situation differently. What works for me and mine might not work for you and yours. Here's what we decided as a couple to avoid an issue going forward. First, when it's the first time with a new couple and most certainly if one or the other is feelig the least bit concerned as was the case that night we play same room only. We like to tryto be flexible for couples who prefer separate room only but in this case I would insist same room for that first time or no playtime occurs. Secondly, I get that many men experience this. I'm not a new is to the situation. I am new to having the other female seem disinterested and unconcerned by what was happening with her husband. Apparently unbeknownst to me it's happened a few times in a row before that night and they already had a game plan set up. However their game plan would not have been our game plan.if the situation was reversed and it was my husband I would have gone over to the bed and very slyly madeit girltime Since I know she was bi and she showed an interest and desire for girl time. This always perks up my man when issues have occurred. So that would be what I would do because it also gets me in earshot of my husband and I can whisper a keyword we use when in need.

 

All of this of course is what would or does work for us individually and as a couple. In the end if I offended the male by asking my spouse for assistance in including me? Well I'd feel badly but going home on a positive note win my husband is more important than any lay.

[MrsPandMe 150]

Its interesting that a lot of these threads have "my man has never had this problem, but..." responses. Let's try to acknowledge the pink elephant in the room. This happens to men a lot. Funny too where someone mentioned the "if an ultra-hot chick doesn't get you hard there's something wrong with you" tack. I am fairly sure this is either from a woman who has no understanding of the problem or a guy who doesn't swing or otherwise attempt to sexually perform under "duress". Many of these "frustrated" female halves who have to tolerance for limp dick are perpetuating the very problem they are frustrated about. Make no mistake. Even though its fun to think of guys as sex machines that can get turned on at the drop of a panty, there is a lot that can sabotage a woodrow, and it has nothing to do with desire or attraction. Short of a direct intervention (injection, pump, etc) the only way to hope for a positive outcome is to make the problem appear to not be a problem. Clearly sometimes lack of penile cooperation is due to lack of desire, but more often then not the problem arises because he really REALLY wants to fuck you silly! Relieve the pressure and you'll be surprised the results.

 

As for the question of stopping or not to address the problem, that's a situational thing. The other suggestion if it works for you might be of you find yourself unable to go due to distractions (wife getting her world rocked) perhaps give up and cheer them on. When they're done then it is your turn! This way you're not thinking about what the others are doing cuz they already done it!

 

And when all else fails, make sure your oral skills are top notch!

 

Mr P

[Chicup 41]

Really there are just to many possibilities to answer, so I'll answer for one.

 

If we were with a newbie couple and the other guy couldn't get it up, I'd stop and slow things down.

 

I'm looking back to our first full encounter, multiple mixed feelings, and if I couldn't have performed and the other guy did I'm sure it would have doubled those insecurity/jealousy type feelings which are common to need to over come.

 

Lets put it a bit over the top terms which is how those emotions work.

 

Some guy I barely know just fucked the shit out of my wife who was screaming like a wounded tiger, while his wife told me it can happen to anyone, but I KNOW she was disappointed!

 

Now maybe the noobs were 100% secure it in, and the husband would be of the type that would want her to have a good time as he laid their literally impotent, but I'm too nice a guy to potentially mess with someones psyche like that.