Trouble in Poly Triad due to no communication

[YZF 8]

Mrs YZF here. Almost a year ago we had Quita, a polymory third move in with us. It has been great. I have been into girls my whole life and so is she so it was good for me. YZF had two women when ever he wanted so it was good for him. She is the third, I am the wife. Those were the ground rules. Quita can come into our bed when ever she wants. She can sleep in our bed when she wants. She does not sleep with YZF unless I am not there. I do not sleep in another room so she can sleep with him.

 

She gets everything I get. She gets to spend his money. He gave her a car. She does not get to spend the night with him at my expense. Those were the rules. They were not written down or anything, they were understood.

 

Now this past weekend, I get booted from the room. "Something different" YZF said. Quita agreed. At least I think she agreed, the bitch does not even speak english! I can't help feeling that something is afoot here. Quita has been acting smarmy of late. I really do not know how to approach this.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Honesty with those involved is always the best way,

 

Tell them what you told us but you might want to leave out the "bitch" part.

 

Starting a war does not fix things.

 

Keep it simple honest and cool if you expect it to work out

[ebsfgncu 44]

I would say communication is the right answer but since she doesn't speak english and he speaks her language, you may be left out of some vital conversations. In other words, it may be that some scheming is going on. Now I could be way off base but something doesn't seem right.

 

As for being 'booted' I certainly hope you were given the choice in this matter, if not then I certainly would have felt slighted.

 

Talk it out is all I can say. All three of you....

 

Good luck..

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Did Mr YZF stop reading the board in the last few weeks?

If not, then I'm sure he'll see this soon enough, which should spark some conversation.

[slevin 1,374]

I get a kick out of that attitude: "the bitch doesn't even speak English". You don't speak Spanish either

[Swing*8701 887]

The best way to cross a chasm is to build a bridge. Perhaps learning some basic spanish will help you two relate better. As it stands, your husband is in control of the key area of relationships: language communication. This allow him to be the fulcrum in your triad and that is never good. Three equal sides, as much as possible, would seem best.

[YZF 8]

I get a kick out of that attitude: "the bitch doesn't even speak English". You don't speak Spanish either

 

I don't live in Mexico so I have no need to speak Spanish. She lives here and should have learned english a long time ago. Funny how she can spend a whole bunch of money and not even speak English. She understands "Cash or Charge" just fine!

[lustylearning 705]

It sounds like you don't like Quita much. Why do you continue in the relationship?

[YZF 8]

It sounds like you don't like Quita much. Why do you continue in the relationship?

 

I was fine until she started creeping into my space. She seems to have forgotten that I am the wife. She would never have been invited to live with us if not for me. Now she has started to try to be first in YZF's heart. That was not how it was supposed to be.

 

I have tried to confront YZF about this yesterday and today and he says I am over reacting. Of course he has not apologized or even acknowledged that he was wrong in letting her sleep with him through the night while I was kept out. Quita can sleep with both of us or with YZF when I am not here, but she is not to take my place and this happened this past weekend.

[Chicup 41]

You don't have a 3rd, you have two separate relationships with the same man.

 

I was rather shocked the first time you mentioned that she didn't speak English and you didn't speak Spanish. Everyone keeps saying communicate, communication, communicate, but you can't communicate with a very important person you need to communicate with. She has no relationship with you nor you with her.

 

I offer no resolution, just the observation.

[slevin 1,374]

I don't live in Mexico so I have no need to speak Spanish. She lives here and should have learned english a long time ago. Funny how she can spend a whole bunch of money and not even speak English. She understands "Cash or Charge" just fine!

 

Indeed, she should have learned some English by now. You have someone living in your house that speaks Spanish as a primary language; you should have learned some Spanish.

[prometheius 137]

It's really difficult to make a fair assesment of the situation without hearing what Mr. YZF has to say. Going on what you are saying and how you are saying it, it sounds like serious damage has been done to this so-called poly relationship. If all things worked out well, is this something you can get passed with full forgivness, or is it going to haunt you for the remainder of this relationship? Do you want things to work out? So far, I get the impression that you are either venting big time, or you are looking for conformation from us that you should give her the boot. What do you think about this?

[YZF 8]

It's really difficult to make a fair assesment of the situation without hearing what Mr. YZF has to say. Going on what you are saying and how you are saying it, it sounds like serious damage has been done to this so-called poly relationship. If all things worked out well, is this something you can get passed with full forgivness, or is it going to haunt you for the remainder of this relationship? Do you want things to work out? So far, I get the impression that you are either venting big time, or you are looking for conformation from us that you should give her the boot. What do you think about this?

 

Mrs. YZF here. Honestly, I think Quita is going to have to go. Our whole set up was that she could have one on one time with YZF and have one on one time with me. We used to actually have more sex with each other than with YZF. Our threesomes were pretty spectacular. But even though I have tried to make out with her, I am not into it anymore. She is after my husband and I am not going to allow it.

 

The lifestyle is not the problem, I can enjoy that. But knowing what her intentions are I can't allow her to stay around. My biggest worry is what if YZF and her are colluding to push me aside? What if I am the one who will have to go. That is what scares me. I don't fear being on my own, I have my own money and medical practice. Quita, on the other hand, would be just a housewife.

[The Fuse 1,012]

My opinion is that for your relationship especially, it is important that all parties have a very clear understanding of the rules, and also, that everyone buys into those rules.

 

You had a very clear idea of what the rules were, but you said they were never articulated. They don't have to be written down, but saying they were "understood", again in my opinion, is what has gotten you to this point. Now you are in a position of feeling the need to take away the right to do something (her sleeping alone with YZF, at "your expense"), that has already been granted.

 

If following this rule, which is really only your rule, not theirs-- because no one ever acknowledged it -- is a deal breaker, you better speak up and let them know. Similarly, any other rules you want acknowledged by the other two better be crystal clear and understood, and bought into, i.e. "Yes, we understand, agree, and will keep to this rule".

 

Since Quita doesn't speak English, your only option is to have a three-way sit-down with YZF translating. Even if she did, or if you spoke Spanish, you should have the conversation with Mr. YZF first. If he doesn't agree, there's your first problem. Sounds like he doesn't, if he thinks you are over-reacting. Make sure he knows the rules you have articulated here, and how important they are to you. If he does agree, then have the three-way sit-down.

 

But really, the main thing is that YOU understood your own rules and the other two didn't. Or, if you are sure they did, then they broke the rules. Either way some very clear communication is needed. And you have to decide what is a deal breaker for you, i.e. what causes you to say the poly relationship isn't working anymore.

 

You say Quita is acting "smarmy". Perhaps she feels that after a year her place in the household is evolving to more than being a third. If you don't believe that her stature should grow in the household beyond what it was when she moved in, say so.

 

Don't forget, if you get to set your rules, the other two may each have some as well.

[YZF 8]

What gets me is that YZF knew the rule. I did not care if Quita slept with us every single day. I did not care if she slept with YZF when I was not home because of travel. I was not to be pushed out so she could sleep with YZF when I was home. It was never supposed to be that he could sleep with one of us sometimes and the other on some other nights. If he had slept in her room it would not have been so bad (at least I think that) but instead, I was pushed out and she slept with him in OUR room.

 

She has taken to calling me "Morena" whicn translates to dark skinned and "Negra" (Black Female) . YZF told me what those words meant. But when I called her "Guera" (Blondie) YZF told me she didn't like it and to stop. I don't think he is being very fair at all.

[dixiedelight2 15]

Sounds like your sexy little triad is turning into an affair for your husband and guest.

[VegasLee 1,486]

If you want to admit it or not this "Lifestyle" is causing you a problem.

 

Any time a "third" is causing turmoil within your relationship then there is a problem. Sounds to me like this "third" you are no longer happy with.

 

You have admitted yourself that you have no further interest in her and this is supposed to be about ALL OF YOU. Not just any one or two of you.

 

Bottom line is you are pissed off, you are insecure in your relationship now since you admitted that your worried it might be "You" that is being forced out. It is time to sit this one down, talk it out until it is complete either way. Till it is fixed by her being gone, you being gone or you all are playing by the same rules.

 

Keep making all the excuses you want but your all adults, fix it or get over it. What is happening now is not good for any of you.

 

Saying the same things over and over here in your posts is not going to make it better or true.

[YZF 8]

YZF here: Whoa! Someone has been airing out the laundry it would seem. Looks like there are going to have to be some issues to be worked out. A few things are going to be listed under "Don't go there." Quita leaving, is a don't go there subject. Quita's allowance is "don't go there." Something that has always bothered Jack (short for Jaquelyn) is that she has always felt that I am too generous with Quita. Quita does not work so she deserves some money of her own. Quita has a real laid back, mellow attitude and does not complain about anything. Jack could take a lesson from that.

[VegasLee 1,486]

YZF,

 

Bottom line is YOUR WIFE is not happy about things when it comes to Quita and you have to decide what is more important.

 

I have been married a very long time and in the Lifestyle even longer.

 

When it comes to communicating with your WIFE there should be no subject that is "Don't go there". Sounds like your saying "Your way or no way" when you say "Don't go there".

 

Maybe you both need to stop airing things out here and do it face to face.

 

With the attitudes are we seeing from the both of you I see crash and burn in your future.

 

Good luck to all involved. Hope you all get the right attitude and work this out.

[Chicup 41]

Quita has a real laid back, mellow attitude and does not complain about anything.

 

Of course not shes managed to steal someones husband as obvious in the 'don't go there' lines, she doesn't work, and you are her sugar daddy. What would there be to complain about?

 

Its been a while since we had an incoming train wreck from this sort of thing on the board, should I grab some popcorn?

[YZF 8]

Quita's husband has twice contacted her about them getting back together. We (Quita and I) decided that she was better off here. Jack (Carly was a psudonem, but since she is airing things out...) always said that she did not want Quita to go back so we never told her. We just left things as they were.

 

Quita's husband just left her here and ran off. She has been here long enough to be an equal to not less than Jack. It's only fair.

[PB&J 1,086]

Well, if it's going to be fair I guess everyone needs to know everything and the ground rules need to be made clear. Why not sit down and talk instead of using the forum as the sounding board?

[dumbasarock10 49]

Its been a while since we had an incoming train wreck from this sort of thing on the board, should I grab some popcorn?

 

I'm with you, Chicup. This should be fun. Better than HBO!

[lovinher 505]

Not sure quite where to start.

It's clear to me based on your comments you have no regard for your wife's feelings on the matter and your two last posts says it all. I have plenty to say but your a waste of time.

 

Carly-Jack, ditch the attitude and time to start planning. As things are now you are being pushed out. Wish you well.

[gatorvol64 216]

Train wreck is what I see as well. I'm sorry to have to say that.

 

Since Jack said she tried to talk with her husband about this and he told her she was overreacting (which to me isn't the case), I have to wonder if that isn't how/why Jack ended up here. Eventually he would see the post and then he may be willing to talk about things.

 

I'd love to be able to get Quinta's story without going through the interpretation of YZF.

 

I see so many things that could have been avoided with the mantra of communication. Believe me that is so important. In a poly relationship maybe more so than swinging.

 

All rules and boundaries should been clearly communicated so that all parties were aware of them and could agree with them or not and could not later say they weren't aware of them. And lines of communication should stay open regarding them. Relationships change and, therefore, boundaries tend to as well.

 

I have to say, Jack, that if Quinta being more equal was not something you felt you could ever deal with, I think it was a bad idea to have her living with the two of you. I remember your thread about what you wished to preserve sexually as just for you and YZF. You've been feeling threatened I believe.

 

YZF, we're being lead to believe you were aware of the rules and boundaries. If you wanted those changed, it was your responsibility to state as such to Jack. Not as a demand but as an opening for discussions and maybe re-negotiations on the issues. I'm reading an attitude from you of not caring how your wife is feeling about things. That is most definitely not good. She deserves, as a human being and as your wife in particular, for more respect than that.

 

As for the language barrier, what gives with that? I would have thought as the one who understands both languages, you would make the effort to make sure they each were learning the other language.

 

So, Quinta has a bedroom of her own. YZF, could you give me a good reason why if you wanted "something different" you didn't use Quinta's room?

 

In case you aren't aware of this, I am part of a cross-coupled quad. A poly relationship requires all parties to be able to communicate and it's always an on-going adjustment. A poly relationship doesn't allow things to be swept under the rug as not dealt with as easily as I've seen that done in a monogamous one.

 

All of you need to decide what you would like here. And to talk this out amongst yourselves. There are some very hurt feelings and insecurity fears triggered for Jack. Those can be hard to get past.

 

I suppose I should end for now but I have one more question. Did I understand you to say that you haven't told Quinta that her husband has tried twice to contact her? If I did understand that correctly, she is an adult and should be able to make that decision for herself.

 

Vol

[The Fuse 1,012]

We've had a poly relationship or two in our past too. Everything Vol said is right on. Rules and boundaries always have to be understood and bought into, explicitly, not implicitly. They can change, but only if everyone agrees. If anyone has a deal breaker, that's a time for careful negotiation.

 

YZF appears to be making Quinta "more equal" in spite of what his wife says she wants, and in spite of what she claims he understood were the rules.

 

YZF and Mrs. YZF appear to be hiding important communications from Quinta, treating her like a child.

 

Mrs. YZF and Quinta can't communicate in English or in Spanish.

 

Mrs. YZF vents her frustrations to a bunch of anonymous people on this Board.

 

Mr. YZF gives his wife an ultimatum about even talking about Quinta leaving.

 

Sounds pretty bad to me.

[cocpl2007 170]

Sorry, late to the thread.

 

Jack, you know exactly what is happening here, pretty obvious to everyone here, and frankly to you too, but you just don't want to admit or face the fact that Quita is stealing your husband, and your husband is letting her, and facilitating her in this effort.

 

Imagine, should the shoe be on the other foot, the "third" was another male, and you were having some exclusive time with that "third", against all prior understandings and agreements, I suspect YFZ would hit the roof, not be on this board exposing his emotions. He wants his cake (Quita) and the frosting (You, Jack) too.

 

Jack you know exactly what he is doing to you, and your "marriage" but for some reason do not want the facts of what is happening. You like so many of us here are about to learn it takes TWO to make a marriage work, only ONE to pitch it to the wind!

 

YFZ "don't go there" what a bunch of C R A P! You have (or perhaps it is already "had") a W I F E and a third, about time you realize it!

[YZF 8]

YZF and I discussed this today and he was pretty upset about me putting it out here. Because of my job and because of where I live (small Texas town) it is not like I have alot of options about who I can talk to that would understand. Most people would not get past the "swinger" part and probably think I had it coming.

 

How can we work this out now? The animosity is going to be there between Quita and me so she can't live here anymore. YZF will hold the fact that Quita left against me. Now I find out that Quita's husband wanted her back and I was not even told about it. Quita and YZF kept that to themselves.

 

I don't see what the big deal is with Quita. So what if she was a Miss Venezuela Runner-up. Seems like YZF and her can't put that out there fast enough like that makes her a big prize or something.

 

I'll probably move into one of our rental properties and let them have each other, see how long it lasts.

[cocpl2007 170]

YZF will hold the fact that Quita left against me.

 

Of course he will, you know by what he has been telling you, what he has written here, and your own personal knowledge of YFZ that he bears NO personal responsibility for the breakdown of the triad. Do you really even care if she was Ms. Venezuela, not just a runner-up... what does that make you, lunch meat! Until such time as YFZ reacquaints himself with the fact that you ARE his wife, not Quita, moving into another place and getting on with your life is likely the best "fix" for the moment. Allow your head to clear, and try to put some of this emotional/passionate thinking behind you a few days. Then figure out your future course.

 

Personally, our hearts bleed for your circumstance. It is unfortunate, and very painful, we're sure.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Somebody please guide Quita to this Web site and get her set up with a membership. She can tell her story in Spanish. I speak Spanish. I can interpret.

 

I'd be furious to think that somebody was telling my story at a Web site and I did not know. That remark about she doesn't even speak English just lit my fuse. It's that simple.

 

~Michael

[YZF 8]

Somebody please guide Quita to this Web site and get her set up with a membership. She can tell her story in Spanish. I speak Spanish. I can interpret.

 

I'd be furious to think that somebody was telling my story at a Web site and I did not know. That remark about she doesn't even speak English just lit my fuse. It's that simple.

 

~Michael

 

Mrs. YZF here. Michael, I really appreciate your willingness to help. It would help greatly if she and I could communicate through a neutral party. YZF could interpret but I would wonder if he was putting his spin on things.

 

Through YZF I let her know that she could put her side of what happened on here. She does not want to set up a membership since this will be her only participation but she is willing to participate in this thread in Spanish.

 

 

Quita: Hola y muchos saludos a usted, Michael and a los otros membros de SB. Como ya saben, gracias a la Morena, tenemos una problema en huestro matrimonio comun. YZF y Jack son los casados, yo tengo un ano como tercera. No se que es la problema. Yo a compartido el sexo con YZF, con Jack y con los dos. YZF tiene una buena fortuna y es muy caridoso con su dinero. Jack es doctora y tambien tiene una buena cantidad.

 

Jack a comenzado a fijarce en el dinero que YZF mi da para gastar. La mera verdad, no lo necesito. Mi familia tiene grandes empresas en Equador. Lo que mi duele es que estoy con YZF y Jack mas por Jack que por el. Si hay a alguien que amo, es a ella. Si, meti la pata con pasarme la noche con el y dejar a Jack afuera. Yo no pense que una noche fuera causar esto. Yo deseo poder comunicar mas con Jack. Quiero decirle que la amo. Estoy con su esposo por que se que ella lo ama and con darle gusto a el, le doy gusto a ella.

 

Yo no quiero a YZF para mi. Si ella se va, mi voy yo tambien. Yo mi quede con ellos por los dos. Bueno, mas por ella, pero yo no mi quedaria sola ni con uno ni el otro.

[cpl36996 91]

Ok, let me translate for those who dont speack spanish:

 

Quita:Hi, I salute you all, Michael and the other members of SB. As you know, thanks to Morena, we have a problem in our common relationship. YZF and Jack are married, and I been the third for a year. I don't know what's the problem. I have share sex with YZF, Jack and both. YZF has a good fortune and is very caring with his money. Jack is a doctor and also has good amount.

 

Jack has started to pay attention on the money that YZF give me to spend. The truth is, that I dont need it. My family has big enterprices in Ecuador. What hurts is that I'm with YZF and Jack more for Jack than he. If theres someone who I love, is her. Yes, I made a mistake spending the night with him and leave Jack out. I did not think that one night would come to this. I would like to communicate more with Jack. I would like to said that I love her. I'm with her hubby because I know she love him and by giving what he wants I give her what she wants.

 

I don't want YZF for myself. If she leave, I'll leave too. I'll stay because the two of them. Well, more for her, I will not stay alone with neither one or the other.

[cocpl2007 170]

Does sound like there is a chance, once emotions continue to cool, that you'll be back in the same bed, all snug as bunch of bugs, in a short while. Someone just goofed, and has the desire to make amends... in Quita's case, now we'll see if YFZ has some other agenda going on.

 

Wealth and Beauty... add in some sex, and you have the makings of tabloid material!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Even if all of the stories stacked up to make one true one... it would be yet another one we'd have to file under

 

So many red flags here. If this story were all true... Mrs YZF why would you want to be in a relationship where it's obvious that you trust no one else involved in it?

 

I'm currently of the belief that since YZF got pounded for promoting his book here that he took to using this board as a way to practice his fiction writing. The funny thing is that he was the one posting right up till that point. Evidently, it's easier for him to write fiction as a fictional character. Who knows maybe some of the earliest posts were true (including the prison), maybe none of it... whatever the case at least some of it is BS cuz the stories just don't mesh. I hope you do a better job of story flow in your novels.

[YZF 8]

YZF here. Let me address a few things. I was in prison and released in 2001. It was supposed to have been life with out parole but thankfully my lawyer was relentless and was able to get my sentence overturned. I was lucky and a case made it to the supreme court (New Jersey vs Apprendi). Facts in that case could be applied to mine and my lawyer used it to get me resentenced. My new sentence was 60 months, I had already done 74 so I was released. I left the courthouse, my lawyer drove me back to the prison and I was processed out and given what little I owned and I was a free man.

 

All I had to my name were a couple of horrid polo style shirts that were issued to me by the recieving and discharge section of the prison, a pair of jeans, and a pair of tennis shoes. I had a grand total of $100 in my comissary account and I was given $80 more upon release.

 

During my time in prison several things happened. I was estranged from my daughters. My first wife (Carly, that's where I got the name) had taken up with another man. I was never getting out so I did not blame her. My father had disowned me. I had nothing.

 

I got a job in a gas station and the owner let me stay in a store room of to the side of one of the bays. Basically I was homeless. The owner let me fix computers and motorcycles there when the place was closed so I made some money on the side. The owner of the gas station had promised himself that once his kids finished college he would sell the place since he was a teacher and wanted to do only that. He sold me the gas station in 2003. But it was a package deal. I had to agree to buy both the gas station and restaurant next door which he also owned. At the time the restaurant was closed. He did not like the restaurant business and he had always leased it out. It was an owner financed deal.

 

A couple of months later a guy leased the restaurant from me. A couple of months after that I bought an ice distributorship. One thing about being in prison is that if you are in long enough, it clears up your credit really well. Then I got lucky, a company moved into town for a while. The guy in charge asked me if I would enter an agreement with him for tires, fuel, servicing and what not. This was a geological exploration company. These guys start work at 5 in the morning. There were only 2 full service gas stations in town. I made a shitload of money these guys. I also sold the restaurant during this time and entered into a partnership with a guy who wanted to start a wireline and logging company. He had been working for such a company whose trucks had to come from 200 miles away to work in our area. When those trucks were busy the clients had to either wait (time is money in the oil fields) or bring trucks in from much further away in New Mexico.

 

I went into the deal with him. One logging truck, one wireline truck and we had enough work to book them solid and with in months we had bought another logging truck and two wireline trucks.

 

I had started seeing Jack in 2001 a couple of months after I got out of prison and she went from a friends with benefits to exclusive girlfriend to wife over time.

 

In 2006 we decided to move in together and I moved to her. I sold the gas station, ice distributorship and my half of the wireline and logging company (that had expanded twice more) to my partner.

 

I had also patched things up with my dad. My dad passed away in 2007 leaving me a large inheritance and holdings in a couple of local companies which I promptly sold.

 

 

Jack offering up booty to another member here is just playful banter with someone she will likely never meet. At least that is how I take it.

[WonderWhat 166]

Quita: Hola y muchos saludos a usted, Michael and a los otros membros de SB. [...] Bueno, mas por ella, pero yo no mi quedaria sola ni con uno ni el otro.

 

Native Spanish speaker here. Teacher of English as a second language, to boot.

 

YYZ, your Spanish sucks. You should have gotten a native Spanish-speaking accomplice into your game and at least tried to crank out something that is not as evidently the product of a native English speaker.

 

Your grammatical constructions shout "I'm a gringo!" Evident misuse of gender articles, misspellings with clear ties to English cognates, simple grammatical constructions used by a five-year olds, weird word ordering...

 

If I were to point out the logical contradictions within your story, I'd write about ten thousand more words. But since nobody will pay me for that, I think I'll stop for now. I've got better things to do.

 

 

YYZ, you're full of it.

 

Julie, I think it would be a good idea to boot this impostor.

[YZF 8]

Native Spanish speaker here. Teacher of English as a second language, to boot.

 

YYZ, your Spanish sucks. You should have gotten a native Spanish-speaking accomplice into your game and at least tried to crank out something that is not as evidently the product of a native English speaker.

 

Your grammatical constructions shout "I'm a gringo!" Evident misuse of gender articles, misspellings with clear ties to English cognates, simple grammatical constructions used by a five-year olds, weird word ordering...

 

If I were to point out the logical contradictions within your story, I'd write about ten thousand more words. But since nobody will pay me for that, I think I'll stop for now. I've got better things to do.

 

 

YYZ, you're full of it.

 

Julie, I think it would be a good idea to boot this impostor.

 

YZF here. I have no idea where you would be native to that your Spanish would any different. Quita's entry is conversational in tone and she did not include the formal "vos" and "vuestro" and other similar stuff in her post.

 

I have spoken Spanish my whole life and I can tell you there is nothing wrong with what Quita regarding structure or anything else. But I do wonder why you are pushing yourself off as a wunderkind as far as Spanish. I did not interpret her message because I did not want to spin anything she had to say in it.

 

If I was to say in Spanish anything similar to what Quita wrote, I doubt that it would sound any different.

[VegasLee 1,486]

YZF or who ever you are.

 

You have more then shown this is all about you, not the women that you state are in your life.

 

All of that "don't go there" when it comes to the rules of life with this wife you talk of.

 

Swinging or relationships is not just about any one person.

 

Why you wasting all this time trying to explain anything to any of us anyway. We are nothing more then pixels on the Internet and mean nothing to you.

 

After reading more of your postings I tend to think this is just your way of spending time anyway so why not get back to work at what ever it is you do.

 

You have made yourself like like a real ass in the way you treat women and relationships so I am hoping this is fiction. Someone like that in real life has no business in a relationship.

[ALilOEverything 901]

I believe most of your story YZF, I noted where you posted on other types of forums (under a different name that was easy to figure out) over the past many years that dealt with your army time, prison time, passion for motorcylces. That would be a long lie over the past years, but who knows. Because of that I'm going to address the main issue. You're wife isn't feeling like your #1 anymore and that's a serious problem. You won't move forward until she does. It's time to refocus, the longer you resist the worse it will make it. If you're third really doesn't mind being #2 I'm sure she won't mind taking a step back.

[prometheius 137]

ALilOEverything, thanks for getting this thread back to the point! What the YZF's & Quita have said may be true, maybe not, how would we ever know? The point is, many of us come to this forum to learn about what we don't know. Whether or not this saga is fictitious, I hope to learn what I can about polyamory, and swinging in general that I could apply to any situation that may arise in my/our lifestyle endeavors. There are some very intelligent people who post on this forum. As always, I hope they will see beyond what might be and comment on their take of the given situation.

 

I hope the YZF triad can get ample information they can use to work this all out favorably. If not, I don't have healthcare coverage and would love to have a medical person around the house.

[WonderWhat 166]

ALilOEverything, thanks for getting this thread back to the point! What the YZF's & Quita have said may be true, maybe not, how would we ever know? The point is, many of us come to this forum to learn about what we don't know.

 

Nevertheless, there is a clear line between learning from thought experiments and learning from experience.

 

If you assume you're learning from someone's experience that turns out to be a fabrication, then the validity of your conclusions is in question.

 

Garbage In, Garbage Out

 

I believe most of your story YZF, [...] Because of that I'm going to address the main issue. You're wife isn't feeling like your #1 anymore and that's a serious problem.

 

I think that the main issue is that the central part of the narrative is false: there is no wife and no poly girlfriend.

 

The backstory may be consistent, the description of the relationships is not. Do not assume that if A is true, then B is true just because they were written by the same person, especially if what that person says is riddled with inconsistencies.

 

 

YZF, you issued a challenge:

I do wonder why you are pushing yourself off as a wunderkind as far as Spanish.

 

And I answered it. I notice you have not responded. It would be interesting to read your explanation regarding the poor Spanish writing skills of a purported Ecuadorean heiress.

[ALilOEverything 901]

 

I think that the main issue is that the central part of the narrative is false: there is no wife and no poly girlfriend.

 

The backstory may be consistent, the description of the relationships is not. Do not assume that if A is true, then B is true just because they were written by the same person, especially if what that person says is riddled with inconsistencies.

 

I have no doubt that some of it's false (for example I read on another forum that she does speak english) but I do feel that it's important to address the issue in case someone who is in a similiar situation is looking for advice.

[YZF 8]

Most felons I met in prison and out were all convinced of their own innocence. They all felt that it was "the man" who coerced them through percieved persecution into dealing drugs or committing other crimes. I always accepted responsibility for what I did. I feel damned lucky to not be still behind bars.

 

I look at it this way, the same America that imprisoned me for crimes I admit I committed is the America that provided me the opportunity to make my own way and become somewhat of a success once I was released.

[WesternSwing 504]

the bitch does not even speak english

 

This right here tells me there is much more going on than just this instance. You don't call someone that has been as important a part of your life as you claim "a bitch" unless you are treating her like a complete stranger after your man.

 

As others have said, communication is the only thing that's going to solve this. And not the confrontational kind that you seem in the frame of mind for. This needs to be approached from the angle of "this situation that happened makes me feel like..." or "recently I've been feeling like..." You need to own your emotions and not make yourself into the victim or martyr. Attacking your husband and Quinta and calling her a "bitch" will not only get you anywhere, you'll actually move backward.

 

Call a pow-wow with them and tell them how you've been feeling and give them a chance to respond. They may have stepped over some unspoken but "silently agreed-upon" rules that they don't even know they did, or they were evolving a bit in the relationship and didn't communicate this with you and get your consent. Sometimes it's easier to push the envelope than ask permission in advance, especially if someone is afraid of a response like the one quoted above.

 

One thing to remember in a polyamorous relationship is nothing ever remains the same forever. It is fluid and like a water it makes it follows some existing paths and carves some new ones. Relationships are easier to control with swinging. With polyamory each relationship kind of takes-on a life of it's own and thus the dynamics of all the relationships involved also change.